The Gods Must Be Laughing

Gag Fifty-eight

The block is hot


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TITLE: The block is hot

AUTHOR: StarvingLunatic

DISCLAIMER: I don’t own these characters and I don’t own this premise. I also don’t own War of the Worlds.

SUMMARY: AU. The sequel to On a Short Leash. Shego and Kim continue their odd relationship. Still a weird sort of Kigo.

TYPE: Kim/Shego, Kim, Ron, Other, Friendship, Romance, Slash

RATING: US: R / DE: 16

Note: Two chapters to go.

Words: 4356

Shego caressing her pet.

I’ve heard that women are supposed to be crazy when it comes to jealousy. Well, I’m pretty sure Drakken would frighten any jealous woman on her worst day. Sometimes, people just go fucking overboard and he’s definitely done that. I mean, I knew he wasn’t all there since the first time I met him, but this is way too much. Why can’t he just accept the facts? Shego loves me and he needs to move the fuck on before I have to hurt him.

Kim was laid out on the sofa. She was sprawled out like a corpse and she felt close to one. She was covered in a few bruises and scratch marks. She had cleaned the cuts, but she had not bandaged all of them. She was just so tired and wanted to lie down, so she went and did that after cleaning all of her wounds. She figured that she would either work up the energy to get up and cover the injuries or wait for Shego to come in and she would undoubtedly do it for the little redhead once she noticed all of the cuts. While she might not be the mistress per se, she still worried about Kim of course.

It sounded like a good idea to the beat-up hero to just wait for Shego to come in. Sure, there was a chance that she might have to suffer through being called a baby and Shego might be a bit of an evil mood and not have the most caring hand when bandaging her up, but it still meant that she would not have to make the effort to do it herself. All she wanted to do right now was take a nap.

She settled into her space on the sofa and drifted off into a light sleep; she only slept heavily when Shego was around. She was not sure how long she slept, but it did not feel like much time to her injured body. She was woken up by a loud crash noise and she turned to the source. There was now a large, gapping hole in the area where the living room met the dining room.

“Shego isn’t going to like that and I doubt she’ll believe it’s not my fault,” Kim commented while slipping behind the sofa to get a chance to access the situation before leaping into action. She wanted to see who or what made that hole and just who they were looking for.

In a matter of seconds, three female-shaped robots entered the apartment through the hole that had been blasted into the wall. Kim guessed that she had pissed someone off enough for them to look up her address or maybe Shego had pissed off someone enough for them to look up her address. Man, that had to be a long list of people, she thought. Either way, she doubted that the tinker-toys had the wrong apartment.

The robots scanned the area, looking for some sigh of life, Kim guessed. She wondered what kind of sensory programming they had for her to know if she had an all right hiding place. She quickly learned the answer to that question.

“Target acquired,” one of the robots commented and lifted up the sofa.

“I’m guessing you’ve got thermo-imaging sensory units,” Kim remarked as she leaped to her feet.

“Bebes are to capture Kim Possible,” the robot said in a monotone voice that skipped a little bit. It seemed like they could have used a bit more time on the assembly line.

“Well, at least it didn’t say terminate,” the redhead thought with a sigh. Also, it was good to know that they were looking for her and not Shego. For some reason, she would rather dangerous robots be after her rather than her beloved. That was just the way that she was.

The three robots, called Bebes, charged Kim to try and capture her. The slender hero was not about to be taken easily and slipped away from them just in time to make them hit each other. She snickered in amusement for out maneuvering the robots. They were not the brightest clockwork warriors that she had ever come across. But, she did not have much time to laugh.

The Bebes quickly untangled themselves from each other and turned their attention back to their target. Kim gasped as they converged on her with unanticipated speed. Before she could even think her body was just automatically dodging an attack from the machines. She did get her mind back in the game swiftly and was soon trying to think of a way out of her current predicament while making sure to avoid getting hit with metallic limbs. She was pretty sure that getting punched or kicked by metal would hurt a lot and she was already banged up from the mission that she had earlier.

The trim hero eventually leaped away from them to gain some ground and hopefully, go on the offensive. She went at the robots with as much energy as she could muster despite her wounds. Not to mention, she had injured her calf the other day, so that messed up the balance that she could come up with and the strength of her stance. She still managed to knock them back a bit.

Kim did face a problem that hitting the metal with her bare hands hurt a bit. But, she believed that she could bear the pain as long as her blows did some kind of damage to the machines coming after her. She also figured that she needed to get the battle out of the apartment or Shego was going to have a whale when she came home because of all of the action going on. Although with the hole in the wall, it was already a guarantee that Shego was going to flip when she came in.

She dashed off, hoping that she would be able to out run the robots. She leaped up to the loft to grab some mission items that she thought might help her take on the Bebes. She only managed to grab her book bag before one of the robots came charging up at her. She ducked just in time and the robot crashed through the skylight type window in the loft. Apparently, the androids were not the best judgers of distance considering the force that one went through the window with.

“That was close,” Kim sighed and then she noticed the other two robots coming at her just as quickly as the first one had charged her with. “This is close too!” she yelped.

The redhead dipped down and ducked the pair while managing to slide out of the loft. She hissed as she hit the deck because of her calf injury. Before she could do anything one of the blonde ‘bots tackled her around the waist. She coughed as they crashed through the front door; Shego was going to explode when she got home saw the door, not to mention the hole in the loft. Kim struggled with the robot, hoping to get the Bebe off of her.

“What’s all this noise out here?” Miss Crocket, the building landlord, demanded to know as she stepped out of her apartment at the end of the hall. She was not surprised that Kim was the one causing all of the commotion, but she did not know what to make of the machine that the girl was tangling with. She was not sure if things were as serious as they looked considering the fact that the petite redhead was involved, but the struggle did look rather dangerous.

“Miss Crocket, get out of here!” Kim ordered the Texan the moment that she noticed the woman and she rumbled with the robot. She was not sure if the machine might go after the older woman and even if the thing did not, the robots were already breaking a lot of stuff. There was a chance that the landlady might get injured in all of the rumbling.

“What’s going on here?” Miss Crocket inquired in a panicked and bewildered tone. Should she be calling for help or screaming at Kim for causing trouble?

“Get out of here!” the slim adventurer commented again and she finally flipped the android off of her.

The Bebe crashed through one of the windows that closed off the hall from the outside. Kim climbed to her feet and looked at the broken window, wondering if the robot could fly back up. After a few seconds, Kim turned back to the landlady.

“What the hell is going on?” the blue-eyed woman demanded to know. She could not believe that the brat had just broken one of her windows right in front of her face and if she did not get an explanation soon she was going to call the police. But, she was going to call the police on Kim.

“Miss Crocket—” the petite hero was about to repeat her order for the woman to get out of the hall, but she did not get the chance.

The third Bebe charged out of the apartment and slammed her shoulder right into Kim. The redheaded adventurer coughed in utter agony and went flying from the force that the robot had crashed her with. It all happened so fast, but it still seemed to go in slow-motion to the girl as she crashed into a window.

Miss Crocket gasped in horror as Kim smashed right through one of the intact, thick hallway windows. The Bebe did not even turn to see who it was that made the noise. Its orders were to capture Kim Possible and nothing else, so it only focused on the redheaded girl. It went to the window to check on Kim’s status only to see her getting away thanks to her jetpack backpack.

The slender scholar figured that she needed to get away from the apartment. Not just because of the property damage that was going on, but she felt like she was putting people in danger by staying in a highly populated area. So, it was somewhat a good thing that the robot had thrown her through the window. She might be able to put some distance between her and machines, not just for people’s sake, but her own too.

Kim needed a moment to think of how she would take on three robots bent on her capture, although she thought that they were not too sure what was meant by “capture.” After all, had she not had her jetpack, that fall would have almost certainly killed her. Even if it did not kill her, the plummet would have critically injured her. So, she needed to get away for her own safety until she could come up with a foolproof plan take out those irksome machines.

The Bebe bot was not about to allow the girl to escape so easily and it fired a net at her from its wrist. The net wrapped around Kim and bent back one of the wings on her jetpack. Kim acted quickly and used her laser lipstick to cut the net away. She manually pulled the wing back into place to avoid crashing and held herself steady to make an emergency landing. She had to roll when she hit the ground to make sure that she did not injure herself. She turned to look back at the building to see the robot plunge from the top floor, obviously still intent on chasing her.

“I must’ve really pissed someone off,” Kim considered as she went into her pocket to see what other gadgets she had at her disposal while the robot hit the ground. A deep hole was left from the impact of the heavy android crashing into the dirt. The other robot was already on the ground thanks to Kim.

The redhead pulled out three onyx-colored spheres that were about the size of regular marbles. She tossed them to the ground and smoke covered the area that she stood. By the time the smoke cleared, she had made a clean getaway, leaving the robots stuck for a moment.

Miss Crocket stood in pure shock in the hallway of her building. Her brain was debating on what she should do; topping the list was to either faint or call the police. Fainting seemed like a good option because she was pretty sure that Kim had just been killed or at the least severely injured from her fall. She was close to fainting, but her nerves steadied and she rushed to her phone.

She dialed up the police and calmly informed them what happened, hoping that they believed her. Apparently, she did not know that the Go City police believed almost every call that came in because pretty much everything happened in the city. Her call was redirected to a more appropriate division to handle her problem since high-powered robots were involved. She was transferred to the strange phenomenon/special crimes division.

The Texan had no problem going through the story one more time for the police, but she tried to urge them to hurry because there was a girl that really needed help. The police informed her that they were spending some people at that very moment, so everything was all right and they kept asking her details about what happened. She went to see if Kim’s body was laid out in the grass around the building to see if an ambulance needed to be sent, but she saw that all parties, the two robots that she had witnessed and the redhead were gone. The police still accepted her call and just now knew to be on the lookout for killer robots. They were right to be alert.

Kim had not lost the Bebes as she had hoped. Evidently, a smoke bomb was not the best way to disappear on robots equipped with thermo-imaging technology. She was now just trying to outrun and out maneuver them, which was difficult to do since she was not carrying her grappling hook for the first time in her professional career. She was luckily enough to be wearing her rocket skates, so she was doing well at getting away. Well, she thought that she was doing rather well until lasers started coming her way thanks to the robots behind her.

The redhead now had to dodge the lasers, whatever was ahead of her, and make sure to stay away from any kind of crowds to make sure that no one got hurt since the robots only seemed interested in her. To make things worse, she still needed to think of some way to get the robots off of her tail and nothing was coming to mind. She really wondered who it was that she had pissed off so much that they sent such relentless puppets after her and only her.

After finding an empty area, Kim once again attempted to go on the offensive. She turned suddenly and did a rocket-powered flying kick into one of the robots, hoping that the thrust from her skates would help her do some damage to one of the machines. She managed to knock the head of the Bebe backwards and she chalked that up as a victory for her until the robot proved her wrong. The android fixed its head and they all turned to her as if nothing had happened at all.

“Bebes are to capture Kim Possible,” they all said.

“Don’t you have better things to do?” Kim inquired while wondering what the hell it was going to take to drop those toys. She was running out of tricks.

“Capture Kim Possible,” they repeated.

The slender hero took off again in her rocket-powered skates. She searched her mind for a plan to take on the robots. She did not get the chance to think of anything because she was hit in the skate with a laser. A wheel blew off of the skate and she stumbled, trying her best to keep her balance. She ended up having to skate on one leg because the other skate was too damaged to function properly and she continued fleeing. She turned onto a very busy street by accident.

The Bebes’ lasers began destroying property on the street and the people panicked. Kim had to jump over a car as it came to a screeching halt to avoid hitting her. She landed wrong on the one skate that she could use and she fell to the asphalt. She skidded on the ground, cursing all the way down.

“Today just isn’t my day,” Kim grumbled as she kept tumbling and could only hope that a car did not come down the street at that moment. Between her mission earlier and what was happening now, she considered that the universe was either trying to tell her something or was having one of those hearty laughs on her.

The redhead coughed as she came to a halt on the ground and tried to pick herself up. She noticed that the Bebes were advancing on her and she now had nothing at her disposal now. Well, almost nothing. She still had her Kimmunicator and she quickly dialed up Wade while the street was clearing rather rapidly.

“Hey, Kim,” Wade greeted her in a warm voice.

“Wade, quick. I need to know how to stop robots bent on my utter destruction,” Kim stated with urgency while wiping away from blood that was dripping into her eye. Her eyebrow had a thick gash in it thanks to her fall in the street.

“I told you to take a refresher course in robotics,” he commented, failing to catch just how much she did not need a lecture and only required the information that she requested.

“Wade, now is so not the time.”

“Lemme see what we got.”

Kim turned the Kimmunicator for him to get a good look at the robots as she began dodging attacks from them. The machines began tearing up the block while trying to capture her, throwing cars, breaking windows, knocking down trees, ripping up the asphalt, and just about everything else they could do to wreck the street. She slipped by them while biting back a wince from moving around so much on her injured calf. She eventually got batted into a car by one of the robots. She smashed into the windshield and groaned loudly on impact. Oh, that was a good hit.

“Any day now, Wade,” Kim remarked while holding onto her aching side. She was pretty sure that every rib that she had was now bruised, maybe even broken. Damn it, she silently complained.

“You need to hold the Kimmunicator steady for me to do a proper scan,” Wade replied.

“I’d like to see you hold it steady while they’re firing lasers, throwing metal fists at you, and probably breaking your fucking ribs,” the redhead commented.

Wade did not respond and Kim tried to hold the Kimmunicator steady for him to do a scan on the androids, but it was rather difficult to do such a thing. She rolled off of the car as one of the Bebes tried to come down on her. The blonde bot practically crushed the whole car as it landed. The redheaded hero had to avoid their attacks as she made it off of the automobile, but she was eventually grabbed by the shoulder. The robot that got a hold of her, held her in the air and she was still for a moment.

“Target acquired. Kim Possible has been captured,” the robot seemed to report to the air. Kim gritted her teeth as the damn robot hurt her by holding her as she was, practically crushing the bones under its metallic hand. The petite adventurer was so sore and her ribs were killing, so she was not enjoying being manhandled as she was.

“I’ve got it!” Wade declared.

“Good to know since I’m captured,” the redhead snapped.

“You’re in a good mood today,” the computer genius remarked sarcastically. He did not seem to appreciate that she was in a lot of pain, she thought. He probably would have been more empathetic if he was aware of her current condition and circumstances.

“Yeah, and I don’t think it’s going to get any better, especially if I die sometime soon,” Kim commented as she noticed a three-legged giant robot marching toward her and she was fairly certain that she was not in War of Worlds. She had a feeling that the machine coming toward her was just going to add to her troubles.

“Okay, well, to get rid of the robots, a hypersonic pulse should do the trick,” he informed her. “Should I…?”

“Please and thank you.”

Wade let loose the noise and the Bebes dropped to the floor just as he planned. Kim hit the ground rather gracefully for someone in her current condition. It did hurt when she landed, though. She turned her attention to the new robot, which opened fire on her with a laser gun on the front end of it. Kim leaped out of the way to avoid getting burned and the laser hit one of the Bebes that was twitching on the ground. It was destroyed by being cut into several pieces.

“Who the hell are you?” Kim called to whoever was operating the machine, if someone was doing that anyway.

The girl did not get an answer, so she decided to get a better look at the robot that she was now going against. She was just curious as to who was so livid with her that the person had the nerve to come after her at her home. She slipped onto a car for a better look and noticed the top of a cerulean head in the center of the machine. That was not who she thought it was, right?

“Drakken?” the slender hero shouted in disbelief.

“Yes, it’s me!” he confirmed with a maniacal laugh. He was standing at the controls of the machine that was gunning for the little redhead. He was going to finally get rid that annoying pest and claim what was his. She could not have his Shego and he refused to let her even think that she could.

“What the hell are you doing?” she demanded to know. He was the person making her day so exceptionally miserable? It made sense on some level, but was just plain wrong on so many others.

“You corrupted my Shego!” he hollered in pure fury.

“Who corrupted who around here?” Shego inquired as she approached the situation while rounding the block. She could not believe all of the destruction one moron could cause, especially to one street. She was happy that she did not hang out on that particular block.

“Shego,” both Drakken and Kim gasped.

“Yeah, giant robots destroying the city falls in our department and I was bored as hell just staring at my fucking desk. What the hell are you doing here? Didn’t I tell you I don’t want you playing hero around here?” Shego said to the redhead. She had been given the assignment of taking care of the problem of the killer robots running amok, but Betty did not know who was involved at the time that she had given up the assignment.

“I’m not playing. I’m the damn target,” Kim informed the older woman. Would she be so beat up if she was just playing?

“You’re the target?” Shego echoed in disbelief. What the hell? Why would anyone want to harm her sweet, little Princess? “Drakken, what the fuck are you doing?” the officer demanded to know.

“Don’t worry, Shego. I’ll free you from this little leech’s hold and then we can be together again!” he proclaimed with a giant grin.

“Is he serious?” Shego asked Kim.

“From my experience today, I’m going to have to go with yes,” the slender hero answered.

“Don’t be stupid, Drakken. We’re not getting back together. Get the hell out of the fucking robot and move the hell on with your life,” the pale woman commented.

“Not until you come back to me and marry me. I love you, Shego, and I know you love me,” he stated.

“You silly bastard, I love Kim. Accept it and move the fuck on,” the green-skinned female ordered.

“Never!” he screamed and he opened fire with his laser.

Kim and Shego took cover behind a turned over bus to avoid getting shot. Unbeknownst to them, while they were being pinned down by fire from the blue madman, two of the three surviving Bebes rose to their feet. The robots went right after Kim; hey, their mission was still to capture Kim Possible.

The redhead agilely leaped away as the pair of bots charged her. Drakken noticed that Kim was out in the open now and turned to fire at her. Shego noticed that the Bebes were giving her girl some trouble. She launched herself at a robot as Drakken opened fire and Kim was attacking the other robot.

Shego sliced through the neck of the android quite cleanly thanks to her powers while Kim pushed the other robot back. The shot that Drakken released then connected with flesh. He laughed triumphantly as he heard a groan, thinking that he had finally stopped that irksome redhead. And then Shego fell to the ground. Kim gasped when she noticed the raven-haired woman hit the pavement.

“Shego!” Kim screamed at the top of her lungs as Shego’s blood began to paint the onyx street a deep crimson color. There was a hole in the pale woman’s abdomen the size of a dollar piece.

Shego’s emerald eyes were wide with total shock. She could not even breathe for too long in her opinion. She just could not believe what just happened. She had actually been shot. She had been shot.

Next time: Will Shego live? Will Kim make it through this ordeal or will Drakken succeed?

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