The Gods Must Be Laughing

Gag Fourteen



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TITLE: Vanished

AUTHOR: StarvingLunatic

DISCLAIMER: I don’t own these characters and I don’t own this premise.

SUMMARY: AU. The sequel to On a Short Leash. Shego and Kim continue their odd relationship. Still a weird sort of Kigo.

TYPE: Kim/Shego, Kim, Ron, Other, Friendship, Romance, Slash

RATING: US: R / DE: 16

Words: 4631

Shego caressing her pet.

I don’t know what the hell I’m doing. I really don’t. Why am I in here? Why am I staring at her like this? Not that it’s not a great sight or anything, but I don’t know why I’m doing it. I should just leave before she hits me or something for being so bad, but my legs aren’t moving and neither are my eyes. My eyes are staying right where they are, even thought they shouldn’t and I know they shouldn’t. I tell them to stop, but they just keep on looking. I don’t know what’s wrong with me. I shouldn’t be doing this. I shouldn’t be here. I need to get out of here.

Shego was confused for a number of reasons. She had been getting ready to take a shower when her pet had suddenly burst into the room. Why? The pale woman had no clue as to the reason, but she guessed that her monster was attempting to catch a glimpse of her in the nude; the kid could be a little pervert sometimes, after all. She had moved her arms to cover herself since she was lacking a shirt, but nothing more. And then, her pet had surprisingly grabbed her wrists. She thought that she could hold Kim off without any problem from looking at her, but the redhead had actually managed to move her master’s arms with little difficulty; Kim made it seem as if it was extra simple and oh, so easy.

The slender hero stared down at her mistress’ breasts, which were covered by a black lace bra, so she was not seeing much; it was still a big violation as far as Shego was concerned. Kim still eyed the light green flesh that she had uncovered, thus angering her master with every passing second, especially since she did not understand or get an explanation as to why her elf was being so blatantly perverse. She was about to holler at her rascal, loudly, profanely, and like it was the only way to get through to her stupid little monkey, but her pet spoke up first.

“They’re not as big as I thought they were. I’ve imagined them bigger, fuller. They feel bigger than they look. It might be because I have such small hands. That’s probably it. My hands are so small….” Kim trailed off in a mumble.

“Princess, get the fuck out of here now!” Shego commanded in the loudest, angriest tone that she could manage as she finally yanked her hands away from the adventurer. Surprisingly enough, as pissed as she was, she did not even think to hit her bad-ass brat.

“I don’t care that they’re not as big as I thought. It was just that in my head, they were bigger…” the hero continued to mumble. She was not sure why she was saying those words or even what she was talking about, but that did not seem to stop her mouth from moving.

“Pumpkin, leave now!” Shego screamed at the top of her lungs.

Kim nodded and she turned to leave the bathroom, shutting the door behind her as she exited. Shego rushed to the door and locked it to prevent her pet from just barging in again. She actually felt violated by what had just happened. What the hell had just happened?

The petite hero had looked very odd in Shego’s opinion. She knew that her pet was more than likely battling illness, but that did not explain why she had come into the bathroom babbling and gawking; it also did not excuse the fact that she had just crossed the line with her behavior. Shego had noted the bags that were underneath Kim’s eyes, but she noticed that same thing days ago. Her pet had said that she was not sleeping well because of finals. Had her pet just cracked under the pressure of exams? She was not sure, but she considered that it was a possibility.

Shego figured that she would get an explanation after her shower. She did wonder where her little monster had gotten such strength from. How had her imp managed to pry her arms apart in order to stare at her breasts as she had done? She did not think that such a little girl had such power in her, even if she was the great Kim Possible. She guessed that it did not help matters that she was just used to Kim being her goofy pet, her submissive, helpless, and utterly dependent pet. As far as she was concerned, Kim should not have been able to move her with an eighteen-wheel truck. It unnerved her a bit to know that she was not truly omnipotent when it came to her pet. She was the master, after all, so she was supposed to be all-powerful.

The emerald-eyed female tried not to think about what just happened as she continued to shower because it was only going to upset her. She was tired and she did not need something so bothersome on her mind, she decided. Junior really knew how to party and she was worn out; it had not helped matters that she partied just as hard as he did. They had closed down the last club that they had been at and by that time, they found that the sun was creeping into the sky. He had suggested breakfast and she concurred if only to get the taste of tequila out of her mouth. They had staggered into his hotel and he proposed that they go to his room and he could order up room service. She had not argued, which was against her better judgment because she was so drunk, and they had gone up to his room. They had collapsed on his bed before the food ever showed up; they had been just wiped from their wild night lives.

She recalled when she had regained consciousness and noticed that she was lying next to Junior. She had panicked on the inside because of the situation that she had been in and the thoughts that ran through her mind, but she remained calm on the outside to avoid waking him up. Had she been so messed up that she had actually slept with Junior? The very idea almost made her throw up. Granted, she did not have many standards when it came to jumping into bed with a guy, but she had come to believe that if she did anything with Junior, then she might never be able to get rid of him. He had already had the stupid notion in his mind that they were more than hang-out partners; she believed that hitting the sheets with him would only confirm that ridiculous idea and there was no way in hell that she was going to let that well-groomed gorilla think she was his woman or something like that. She was not looking to jump into another relationship at the moment anyway, but especially not with Junior.

Shego was fairly certain that she had not had sex with Junior. Sure, his hand had been somewhere that she did not want it, but she was still fully dressed. She had even had her shoes on, but she did take into consideration that she was wearing a skirt. She inspected her clothes, which had not been extremely wrinkled. Her skirt had not been hiked up and she had thankfully still been wearing her underwear.

“That was pretty close,” Shego muttered to herself with a sigh of relief.

If sleeping with Junior would not almost certainly bring more trouble in her life than she needed, the green-skinned woman was almost sure that she would have had sex with him a long time ago. If she could just go to bed with him with no strings attached, she believed that she would have because that was what her past behavior dictated. He was handsome and he moved well on the dance floor; she was willing to bet that he moved well in bed too because of his rhythm. She suspected that she would have had to gag him if she ever did sleep with him. She shook that thought away; she was never going to sleep with him and that was the end of it.

The raven-haired woman finished washing up and exited the bathroom. She went and made herself some breakfast since she had never gotten the meal while she was with Junior; she was too busy silently escaping his suite and making sure that she did not wake him up to think about breakfast anyway. The sapphire-eyed young man was still unconscious when Shego left; he could not hold his liquor as well as she could. She made herself an omelet and she called for her pet to see if the redhead wanted any food. Her beckon was not answered.

“Pumpkin?” Shego summoned her pet again, but she still did not get a response.

The pale woman searched the apartment and found that she was all alone. She did not think too much of it; her munchkin probably just needed some air or something with the weird way that she had been acting. She went to have her breakfast and then she went to bed; she was worn out. She was sleeping within seconds.

Shego rose from her bed in the evening. She went out to living room, assuming that her girl would be out there. She was wrong; she was still very much alone in the apartment. She did not mind being alone because she still disliked how Kim had behaved earlier in the day. She was not sure what was going through that kid’s head, but she felt like her brat had better get her act together soon or there would be some major problems. She was not looking to deal with her runt acting out of order way beyond her usual mischief.

She then began to think about how her girl had moved her arms so effortlessly. She was a strong kid, Shego thought. Where had she gotten that strength from? Had she always had it and just never bothered to show it? What if she did something really just bugged out with that strength? Not that Shego was uncertain that she could not take the kid if she did snap and do something off-the-wall. She did not care if her pet was some big, legendary hero. She was still sure that she could take her pet out if need be. After all, she was the mistress and Kim was the pet. She was the one that was in charge.

Although she was in charge, she still thought about how effortlessly Kim had parted her arms. She did not think it was so easy to move her. She had never come across someone who could just pull her limbs like that, except maybe her mother. She doubted that Betty could even move her with such little difficulty. It was bugging her, bugging her so much that she did not notice that her girl had not come in until she was about to go to bed for the night.

“Where the hell is that girl?” Shego wondered.

The pale woman considered that Kim might be out doing her “save the world” thing, so she tried not to think too much on the fact that her pet was still M.I.A. She went to bed and got some sleep; well, she made the attempted to get some sleep. She was bothered by the fact that her pet had not come in yet and also by the way that her brat had acted earlier. There was also the fact that she believed that her irksome pet was ill and the idiotic brat had not come in yet. She sighed; her pet was just too much sometimes. Why did she even bother, she asked herself; she knew the answer to that question, even though she would not admit it to herself at the moment.

(Next day)

“Damn it, you look like hell,” Doctor Director commented as she by Shego’s desk to drop off a folder.

“Didn’t your mother ever teach you that lame ass proverb about not saying something nice?” Shego retorted. She looked as worn out as she felt. She had stayed up all night worrying about where her sick pet was; no, the girl never came in. She did not know what to do or think.

“Probably, but we both know I just nod my head whenever she talks since it gets her to shut up faster,” the chief remarked with a shrug.

“This is true. So, what’s this?” the younger woman inquired while looking down at the innocent-looking folder. Nothing coming from the boss was as innocent as it looked, though.

“Your last reports weren’t up to the new department standards,” the one-eyed female replied.

“Department what?” Shego asked with a puzzled expression on her face. She had no idea that the department had standards when it came to anything, especially writing reports. She could have sworn that reports just had to answer the five “w’s” in something that resembled English.

“We just got these new standards,” the chief sighed. It seemed that her department was moving up in the world if someone was looking to make their lives hell by trying to make her officers’ reports readable. She had heard many smart-aleck remarks about them being law enforcers, not novelists and all she could do was reply that most novelists had high school diplomas, so she knew they were not novelists.

“Son of a bastard,” the younger woman sighed too. She would hate to have to put the effort into something as stupid and dull as her reports.

“I concur,” Betty muttered. All she wanted from the reports was for them to give her a vague idea as to what happened on their assignments and that was good enough. After all, most of her agents dealt with things that could hardly be put into words. “But, at least we’re getting some well deserved respect now. The standards are in the folder and you just have to fix up the few that are in there. So, what’s with the look?” she inquired as a friend worried about her only friend pretty much.

“My pet has lost what little mind she had,” Shego informed the older female.

“I was unaware that she had a little mind to lose,” the boss remarked.

“I know.”

“What did she do?” Betty asked to get a gauge on why her friend looked so tired and bothered.

“She didn’t come in last night and she’s sick,” Shego reported. She hated to think what might have happened to her little monster out there late at night and as sickly as she thought the girl was. Her pest might be lying in an alleyway somewhere, bleeding, and/or unconscious, or worse.

“And?” Betty asked on a whim. She was only guessing that there was more because she thought that the fact that the brat did not come in was enough to cause Shego to look the way that she was. After all, she knew how her friend felt about that useless kid.

“She was acting really weird yesterday. She came into the bathroom while I was about to take a shower,” the green-skinned woman reported.

“You don’t lock the door?” the brunette asked almost incredulously. She bet that little brat sneaked peeks all of the time if that was the case.

“This is the first time that she ever did that.”

“I’m shocked,” Betty admitted. She would have bet big money that the annoying brat would have been creeping into the bathroom every chance that she got to catch a glimpse of Shego.

“Yeah, so was I when she came in. She sort of stumbled into the bathroom when I was about get into the shower and she just stared at my boobs,” the raven-haired officer stated. She said the words as if she was not bothered by the whole event, but she was still irked by what occurred.

“So, she was just being her usual perverted self?” the onyx-eyed woman guessed.

“I thought that at first, but it didn’t seem that way. She was mumbling something about how her hands are small or some bull like that. She seemed really out of it, like a zombie. It was almost like she didn’t even know what she was doing. She’s just been acting really weird. I thought it might be because she’s sick, but I don’t know what to do,” Shego confessed. She really did not know what to do with her pet, not that it mattered at the moment since her pet had not come home.

“You shouldn’t worry so much, I guess. You’ve been through much worse with the little brat,” Betty pointed out. Those two had been through everything except a second flood, she mentally commented.

“But, she’s never acted so weird before,” the emerald-eyed officer countered.

“Give her some time. The little idiot will more than likely get her act together on her own. You should give her a few days before you freak out about her. I mean, she’s probably just a bit messed up because you’re dating Junior behind her back,” the one-eyed woman said.

“I’m not dating Junior and I’m not doing anything behind her back,” the younger woman insisted.

“She doesn’t know about him, right?”

“Well, no, but she’s just a pet and she doesn’t need to know about him. She doesn’t know about him.”

“Or at least that’s what you think,” Betty remarked.

The pale woman wanted to argue that point, but she found it difficult to do so. She would like to believe that she could put something over on her little monster if she so desired, but she remembered that her pet was a genius. It was easy to forget that fact with the way that the redhead behaved most of the time, but she was a genius. Shego was not too sure how her pet’s “genius” worked. Was it confined to the realm of science and math? Did it extend further than that, like into her fighting ability? She knew one thing and that was that her munchkin lacked common sense, so that was definitely in her favor. Was she really getting away with anything, though?

“She might be upset that you haven’t told her about Junior,” the one-eyed woman offered since her friend was speechless at the moment.

“She probably doesn’t know about him,” the raven-haired female lamely argued.

“Yeah, yeah, yeah. Maybe she just felt like being a pervert. She is like that, after all,” Betty commented since it was just as plausible as everything else that she said and it was probably what her friend wanted to hear, she guessed.

“She is,” Shego conceded. She would like to believe that her monster was just being a pervert, but she had a feeling that it was more than that. Just from the way her pet had looked, her actions had to be more than her being lecherous.

“Just be cool and make sure you fix those reports,” Doctor Director ordered.

“Hmmm…I’m looking for two words,” the moss-hued woman replied since they were back to talking about work.

“Ah,” the chief grunted, knowing what those two words were. She decided to walk away before they got into an argument at an inappropriate time. They both did have work to do too and they both went about their business; Shego could not believe the crap that she had to put up with.

Shego moved around her kitchen as if she was a woman with a purpose. She was making dinner with some vigor. More specifically, she was making ravioli; her pet often begged for it, but she never made it before. It was not a type of pasta that she particularly liked, not that she had much love for any pasta. She just thought that the pasta would make her pet feel better if that girl ever came back home. Kim had not come back after her odd behavior.

The raven-haired female was not sure why she felt like she was rewarding Kim for acting so weird and for gawking at her. The dinner was not so much a reward or encouragement for her pet to act so brazen again, but more like a bribe to keep her home when she did come in. The emerald-eyed martial artist did not acknowledge that fact, but she really did want Kim to come back to a warm environment to keep her from leaving again.

But, the petite adventurer did not come in that night either. Shego put the ravioli away in the refrigerator because she knew that her pet would be hungry when she finally did come back. She did alternate from being angry with her wayward girl and worried about her. She was both upset and concerned with the fact that her imp had been missing for a whole day and a half. Where the hell was that kid?

She tried to remind herself that Kim could take care of herself, but as usual, the only thing that she could think about was how she found that kid all those years ago. If someone got the drop on the slender redhead, then it was very much feasible that her girl was lying dead in an alley somewhere or that she was at the bottom of a lake or drifting down the river. Thoughts like that kept Shego awake and made her want to go look for her pet, but she would not know where to begin since Kim could be almost anywhere in the universe.

Shego was livid because of several things. The first was that there was a person on the planet that could make her feel so worried and saddened with an unexpected absence. The way that she felt about Kim infuriated her because the feeling had just sneaked up on her, even though it had been there for such a long time. She hated that there was a person that could bring any emotions out in her aside for annoyance and Kim could make her feel so many emotions that she did not even want to acknowledge existed.

The next thing that vexed the pale woman to no end was, of course, that her brat had the nerve to stay out for two days and she did not say a word about it. It did not help matters that she had disappeared while acting so very crazy and the fact that she was probably sick. So, she was angry with the girl for doing something so unbelievably stupid.

Shego stayed up all night because she was so worried and that bothered her too. She imagined all sorts of different scenarios where her little monster just faired horribly against the elements and the outside world. After all, her pet needed her and she was out on her own, so who knew what kind of trouble she was getting into. With all of that on her mind, it would have been impossible for her to sleep, even if she desired to do so. She hated to think about her pet being cold, hungry, and all alone. And then her mind offered up a very wild situation; what if her pet had gone out and found a new mistress?

Kim had been acting so very strange, so it did not seem as farfetched to her as it should that her pet had gone out and gotten a new mistress. The pale woman did think about how easily and readily Kim had accepted being her pet all because she had sort of shown the girl some kindness. What if she was in need again and some other person assisted her then?

What if that person made her pasta all of the time and did not grunt when she hugged that person? Or what if that person did not tease her while she was sleeping, like tickling her nose or something? What if that person did not set out so many rules? What if that person was gorgeous and allowed Kim to sleep with her? Kim would probably easily accept that person as her new master. She could just picture her monster being led off by some glamorous looking woman with a new expensive collar and on a leash.

“She probably would just go live with some other woman,” Shego muttered to herself while holding her arms over her chest in a huff. She was a bit surprised by the vivid image that she was getting as she did not recollect ever having such an active imagination.

She loathed thinking that her pet might have just left her and gone off with some new mistress. She actually felt that was worse than the redhead being in an alley, bleeding from every visible part of her body. She did not want her elf to run off with some other woman no matter what and she hoped that was not the case. Her shrimp had better just be staying with a friend or something. The moss-hued woman decided to remember to get her monster’s friends’ numbers when she came back to have people to call if the wandering soul ever pulled such a stunt again.

(Next day)

Shego made herself a bagel and egg for breakfast that morning. She was dressed to go to work, even though she was not so certain that she was going to be able to go to work since she was still overwrought about her missing munchkin. She had attempted to call her pet last night after a while, but she did not get an answer. She had stayed up, staring at her phone and wondering if she should try to call again. She felt too tired and stressed out to go to work now thanks to her night. She believed that she could make it work despite everything, which was why she had gotten dressed. She read her paper like she did every morning, but it was not as enjoyable as it usually was. The morning just was not that same without her girl.

The apartment owner quickly finished her meal and grabbed her things while heading toward the door. It certainly seemed like she was going to make it to work, even though she felt like she had been run over by a bus. She did not mind going to work because if something happened, it would more than likely help her forget about her missing pet for a few minutes at least. She opened the door and there stood her monster, posed to knock it would seem; she had more than likely forgotten or lost her keys, again.

Shego stared at her munchkin for a long moment; it seemed like an eternity to her. She could not believe how messed up the redhead appeared. Her dull crimson mane was going off in every direction there was. She had dirt smudges on face and she looked very much worn out. Shego now wondered what in the hell happened to her girl and what had the little mutant been through.

“Shego,” Kim weakly groaned and then she fell forward.

The pale woman reacted without thinking and caught her pet immediately. Kim landed lightly against her distressed mistress. Shego stared down at Kim to see that she was unconscious. Shego quickly checked for a pulse to make sure that her loony pet was not dead. She wondered what the hell had happened to her petite elf.

Next time: what happened to Kim and what will Shego do?

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