The Gods Must Be Laughing

Gag Forty-five

That was then


1 - 2 - 3 - 4 - 5 - 6 - 7 - 8 - 9 - 10 - 11 - 12 - 13 - 14 - 15 - 16 - 17 - 18 - 19 - 20 - 21 - 22 - 23 - 24 - 25 - 26 - 27 - 28 - 29 - 30 - 31 - 32 - 33 - 34 - 35 - 36 - 37 - 38 - 39 - 40 - 41 - 42 - 43 - 44 - 45 - 46 - 47 - 48 - 49 - 50 - 51 - 52 - 53 - 54 - 55 - 56 - 57 - 58 - 59 - 60

TITLE: That was then

AUTHOR: StarvingLunatic

DISCLAIMER: I don’t own these characters and I don’t own this premise. I also don’t own NASCAR.

SUMMARY: AU. The sequel to On a Short Leash. Shego and Kim continue their odd relationship. Still a weird sort of Kigo.

TYPE: Kim/Shego, Kim, Ron, Other, Friendship, Romance, Slash

RATING: US: R / DE: 16

Words: 4626

Shego caressing her pet.

You ever get some used to something being there that you don’t even realize it’s there? You know, it just does its thing and that’s it, so you don’t even know its there anymore after a while? I guess that’s what is meant when you take something for granted. I never really had something to take for granted, not a lot of constants in my life and the ones that were there were annoying. Weird having something like that now. How do you stop taking it for granted?

Shego was about ready to kick her car. She just wanted to beat the stupid thing silly, but with it being a mechanical device that was a little difficult. Why was it that every car that she ever brought turned into a piece of junk, she screamed in her head because of the frustration that she was currently experiencing.

She stormed off while throwing her hands up as if she was done with automobile, only to come back and make a fist at the damned car. It seemed like she was going to strike the vehicle, but then she changed her mind and walked away again. And then she charged back to the object of her fury and drop-kicked the hood of the car, denting it soundly.

“Damn you! Start, you piece of shit!” Shego huffed.

Now, of course, the green-skinned woman knew that her car was not going to magically start, especially since all she was doing was kicking it, but she had already been fooling around with the stupid car all morning. The automobile had been having problems for the past few days, but she had not thought anything of them. It got her to work and that was the main thing. That particular morning though, it decided that it would not even start to perform the tiny task of getting her to her job. She had not even called into work yet because she was certain that it would start or she would waste rest of the morning beating the useless hunk of metal until it was unrecognizable as a car.

“I’m going to melt you,” Shego growled as she ignited her hands and seriously considered just destroying her vehicle. It seemed that she thought threatening the inanimate object might work. Her cell phone ran and that distracted her from going to town on her car. “What?” she snarled to answer the phone.

“From the sound of your voice, I’m guessing you’re not coming in today,” Doctor Director commented. Or so she hoped anyway because no one wanted to deal with an infuriated Shego and she definitely sounded that way.

“Not with this stupid car!” the pale woman replied while kicking her car yet again.

“You’re too hard on your cars,” the chief stated. It had always been that way. Ever since Shego was sixteen, she could not keep a car for more than two years and two years was pushing it.

“Fuck this dumb-ass car,” the younger female huffed.

“All right. You go ahead and go nuts on your car,” Betty replied and they disconnected the call.

Shego snorted like an angry bull and leaped into the air, dropping a furious elbow on her damnable car. Kim trotted outside from the condo complex. The redhead was ready to go about her day as usual when she caught sight of her mistress across the street beating up on the automobile. She ran over to get a better look at what was going on. Shego did not notice her approaching munchkin.

“Um…Shego,” Kim said.

“What?” the emerald-eyed female huffed as she kicked the car yet again. Damn it, she wished the thing had feelings, so it would at least be in a lot of pain. It would make her feel better.

“How come you’re beating up the car?” the redhead asked curiously. She could not think of any reason why her mistress would be trying to kill the vehicle. She thought that it was a pretty good car. It got them to where they needed to be and it got them home. She doubted that a person could ask much more from a car.

“Because it’s an irritating piece of shit,” the moss-hued officer grunted while placing another swift kick to her car.

“You want me to look at it?” Kim offered, which got her master’s attention.

“You can fix the car?” Shego asked incredulously. If that was the case, her pet was way more useful than she ever gave the girl credit for.

“Well, at least enough for you to get the car to Ed,” the younger female replied.

“Ed? I’m not going to see that lunatic again,” the pale woman declared forcefully.

“Well, maybe Felix can fix it then, but he’s at work today,” Kim mused aloud. “Oh, I know, I can call Felix and if he’s not doing anything, we can both look at the car, even though I don’t have much experience—”

Shego interjected because she could tell that her pet was just going to start rambling. “Stop it, you’re getting ahead of yourself, as usual, Princess,” she pointed out.

“Well, then, you should just let Ed fix it,” the slim scientist commented.

Shego frowned while Kim told her to pop the hood to the car. The green-skinned woman did as her pet requested and the slim scholar began looking things over in the car. Shego continued to scowl while her monster started working with things.

The pale officer really did not want to see Ed again, but she did want her car to work again. She was not looking forward to have to take the train to work ever again because it was like the absolute worst experience each and every time that she got on the train. She guessed that she was going to have to suffer through that blonde ape again.

“Well, I’ve done all I can do,” Kim remarked with a smile as she stood up. “Try it,” she told her master.

Shego moved to comply. She put the key in the ignition and the car finally started. She sighed in relief, even though it did not do her much good now.

“You’re a lifesaver, Pumpkin,” Shego commented.

“This is only a quick fix, though. You really should take this to Ed and let him check it out for you,” the redhead replied.

“I hate him,” the elder female sighed.

“We all do, believe it or not. I’ll call him and tell him you’re coming,” Kim said.

The trim hero could understand her mistress’ feelings about Ed. Everyone pretty much did hate the guy because of his behavior. He acted like a total fool in front of almost everyone all the time, as if he wanted to piss people off. She was not too thrilled about telling her mistress to go to the guy for the simple fact that she knew Ed was attracted to her master. It did not help that she also knew Ed enjoyed it when people were antagonistic toward him and Shego was quick to anger, which more than likely made him extra-attracted to Shego.

But, she knew that her mistress would not do anything with him, so she hardly thought about it. She just loathed the idea of her beloved master being subjected to that crude monkey for more than five minutes. It had to count as a high level of torture to be in the same place with the blonde mechanic for more than five minutes. The rack had nothing on Ed.

“Fine. Get in, I’ll give you a ride since going to work for me is pointless now,” the pale woman said as she glanced at her watch to see it was almost noon.

“Spanking!” Kim grinned and readily accepted that offer by hopping into the passenger side of the car.

The petite adventurer called up Ed while her mistress’ peeled off. Kim understood why her master’s car was always near death. Shego drove like a freaking maniac. The redhead wondered if her owner had dreams of being in NASCAR before becoming a cop with the way she ripped through the streets.

Shego stood outside of Ed’s garage/junkyard. She looked around with a frown glued on her face and contempt in her eyes. He was the second to last person that she ever wanted to see again. His cousin was, of course, at the top of her list.

“Green babe, whoa, still good looking, seriously,” Ed declared as he walked out to meet Shego. He might as well have whistled at her with the way that he was looking at her.

“Still as brain dead as ever, huh, Ed?” Shego remarked with a tired smirk and she shook her head slightly. She really did not want to be around him, she sighed mentally.

“Whoa, babe, if you weren’t my cuz’s gal,” the blonde mechanic stopped himself and just breathed out hard. He was practically humping her with his eyes and making her wish that she could just claw his eyes out of his skull to get him to stop.

“I’m not your cuz’s anything and you still won’t do anything to me. And stop looking at me like that,” Shego replied. God, she felt like she needed a long shower just because of the way that he was eyeing her.

“Not my cousin’s…Wait, you’re on the market then, seriously?” he inquired with a lecherous smirk on his face. He ran a hand over his head to smooth out his mullet and make himself more presentable in his mind.

“No, I’m not on the market, you ass. Can you just fix the fucking car and stop showing me that evolution might be a bit more accurate than many people give it credit for?” the moss-hued officer commented. Ed was a missing link if never there was one in her opinion.

“Oh, I love it when you’re all clever and whatnot, seriously,” the blonde declared with what he wanted to be a smooth smile.

The pale woman’s frown deepened into a scowl. She should have just let her pet and that brown-haired kid look at her car, even though neither of them were mechanics. They were close enough as far as she was considered. She just could not put up with Ed and his idiocies. She wanted to pummel him already and they had been around each other for about a minute, but the problem was that she knew he liked that. He probably acted the way that he did because he wanted her to hit him, so the best that she could do was ignore him.

She went and took a seat inside his garage and read a magazine that she had in her car while he looked over her shitty machine. She hoped that he could fix the car quickly without talking too much. Well, one out of the two was not be bad.

“So, babe, what’s with you and Drew not being together anymore?” Ed inquired while grabbing his tools to get to work. He did not bother to point out that it looked like Shego had had an accident in her car at a demolition derby because, to him, the car was secondary to her availability.

“We’re not, simple as that,” Shego replied in a gruff tone. She did not want to think about that cerulean idiot anymore, so she hoped that Ed let it go or she was going to forget that she was trying to ignore him.

“Well, since you’re not going with Drew anymore—”

“Ed, I’m not for breathing the same air as you, so don’t even suggest whatever unwholesome thing you’re about to suggest,” the emerald-eyed officer informed him.

“C’mon, babe, we could have some wild, freaky, monster, sweaty—” he would have continued, but she cut him off because she did not want to hear the end of that statement, even though she suspected that it would have taken him a while to get to the end.

“Just stop right there,” Shego interjected once again.

Sex with Ed? Shego was ready to throw up in her mouth just from the thought of it. She was already disgusted with herself because she used to have sex with Drakken, if she could even call it that considering how long it lasted and how often he did not seem to know what to do. The Lipsky family just seemed like a crime against nature and she was upset for even knowing them. As she thought about it, she was upset with herself falling for Drakken in whatever way that she had. Part of her considered that if she had met Ed about five or six years ago, or even earlier, she might have actually screwed him.

Before for her pet, Shego would take on damn near any guy that showed an interest in her. It was a habit that she had evolved from when she was younger. She and Betty had two things working against them for a long time when it came to attracting the opposite sex and they had gone in opposite directions with their complexes. Their shared problem was the desire to always be in charge, which alienated them from a lot of people, not just the opposite sex. And then they both had an individual problem.

Betty had been missing her eye since she was twelve years old and because of that, she never attracted much attention from boys and those that did approach her were ignored because she was suspicious of them. Betty never trusted a male that tried to talk to her because she had already learned that most boys were not looking for a cyclops girlfriend. So, she always assumed that they were looking to use her or make fun of her in some way and she was not about to allow that to happen.

Shego had had green skin since she was thirteen and she noticed that boys were not too keen on that. Instead of being suspicious when a boy came over to her, she relished in the attention because it was so infrequent. She used to jump any guy willing to give her a go; she lost her virginity at fourteen because of that. She just loved the attention because it was so rare while Betty shunned any attention that came her way. Both decisions seemed to screw them over in the long run, but their luck seemed to be changing for the better recently.

“So, babe—” Ed started up again, much to his customer’s dismay.

“What would I have to do to get you to just shut the hell up?” Shego demanded to know. She supposed that if things came to it, she could just slice his tongue out. Her plasma would seal the wound before he had the chance to bleed to death and she could get some peace and quiet. But, then again, he might even like that.

“Do you really wanna know that? I mean, seriously, because it would fun,” he commented with a lewd smirk.

Shego sighed and just turned her attention back to the magazine in her hands. She just needed to ignore him, she reminded herself. She hated that she now had the idea in her head that just five years ago she probably actually would have fulfilled every little kinky dream that the blonde mechanic had.

She really had no standards back then. Did attention really mean that much to her back then? Did having a guy find her worthy enough to eat a pillow mean so much to her back then? It seemed so. She had to have been an idiot back then. A pathetic idiot. She could not believe that she had changed so much in such a short period of time and it was all thanks to her little monster.

Before Kim, all she wanted was a guy that made her feel less like a freak in some way. Someone who could look beyond the green skin and she did not care what she had to do to have someone like that. She just wanted to feel desired, even if it was only for a little while and even if it was only for her body.

“So, babe, you ever done with another babe?” Ed inquired. “Because that shit is hot.”

“Could you just fix the fucking car because that shit is your job?” Shego countered.

“What about third hole? Do you do that?” he asked curiously while daring to look at her with an arched sun-colored eyebrow, as if he truly expected her to answer that question.

“No, do you?” she retorted with a heated snort. How dare that fucking perv ask her such a disgusting fucking question!

It was right then and there she decided that she was never going back to Ed’s garage again. There had to be thousands of mechanics in the city and even if they were not as good as him, she was going to go try them when it came to her car. She just could not take dealing with such a filthy idiot, especially when she could not hit him because he took that as a sign of affection.

To think, she actually would have slept with that in the past. She was ashamed of herself as she thought on it. She had thought so low of herself that she would take the attention of a moron. At least she was not like that anymore. She did not have to be that way anymore.

Shego sighed as she entered her home. It felt so good to be home and away from Ed. He was just about the worst pervert that she had ever met and the sad part was that he won that title without having to touch her. It was just the things that he said, the questions he asked, the look that he eyed her with, and the way that he let her know what he was thinking about in regards to doing stuff to her. It really bothered her, especially since she realized that if he had met her sooner, he might have had a good chance of doing all of those things.

“Welcome home!” Kim greeted her mistress with her usual overzealous hug.

Shego accepted the embrace without seeming annoyed in the slightest and she returned it with a hug of her own. She held Kim close to her and buried her head in Kim’s soft mane. The younger woman was not sure what she had done to get such a passionate hug, but she was not about to question it.

The pale woman felt like she was going to cry as she held onto her pet. The small creature in her arms, an odd, irksome, troublemaking, head-in-the-clouds brat loved her like no one else ever had and she realized that thanks to spending the day with Ed and recalling her past “romantic” encounters. Maybe the day was not totally wasted then.

No one cared about her like Kim did, Shego realized. No one put her first like Kim did. No one treated her as if the sun could not set without her say so. No one had ever made her as happy as Kim did, no one even came close. No one had even tried to make her happy before Kim. No one…Shego could not even finish the thought. She broke down and began sobbing right on her little pet.

“Shego?” Kim said in a confused tone. She could not recall seeing her mistress weep like she was doing right now. Sure, she had seen the woman cry a couple of tears over really sad movies or something like that, but nothing like what was happening now.

The emerald-eyed female did not say anything at the moment. She was too choked up to speak. She was so thankful for the little redhead. She had value to someone beyond her face and figure, not to mention the reputation that she had built up in the past. She had worth to someone who was good-natured, kindhearted, so sweet, and just made her feel so special.

“Shego,” Kim groaned that time because the hug was now getting close to the crushing point. She guessed that her mistress was forgetting that she was stronger than the average human, even if she was not the one that got super-strength from that comet.

The raven-haired officer continued to hold onto her munchkin and cry. She was so thankful for Kim. The little redhead really was a lifesaver, her lifesaver. Kim made her want to be better for both of their sakes.

Kim managed to escape the embrace and catch her breath while Shego stared at her. The pale woman began to wipe away her tears and dry her eyes. She could not believe that she had been so overcome with emotions that she actually cried, but at least she had done it in front of Kim. It was safe to cry in front of a pet.

“Shego, what’s wrong? How come you’re crying?” Kim asked.

The petite hero usually tried not to jump to conclusions, but she did consider that Shego had more than likely just come from an exhausting day of being around that lecher Ed. Had he managed to upset her mistress? She did not see how he could manage such a thing. At least, she could not see how the caveman-like blonde could make her owner cry. She understood that he could make Shego angry, but make her cry? That seemed impossible to Kim.

“Thank you for staying with me, Kimmie. Thank you for everything…” Shego trailed off as she sniffled and tried her best not to start crying again. She was tearing up, though.

“Shego, we’ve been through this before—” Kim attempted to point out to help get her master’s emotions in order.

“No, we haven’t. God, we haven’t,” Shego said as new tears did begin to fall. “This isn’t the same thing. You have no idea how thankful I am to have you around and I doubt you ever will be able to have an idea. You don’t know what I used to be like without you. I mean, I was so horrible. I felt so worthless. I never thought it was possible for someone, especially someone like you to ever give a damn about me.”

“Someone like me?” the redhead echoed in a perplexed voice. One thing that almost always escaped Kim, even though she had the motto that she could do anything, was that there was something extraordinary about her. She knew that she was not normal, but she never really thought that there was something great about her.

“Someone honest, decent, intelligent, and a billion other good qualities. You’re such a great person and I never expected someone like you to want to be in my life, to want to stay with me, to want to be with me forever. I never thought… I never thought I would be worthwhile to someone like you…” Shego trailed off, even though there was so much more that she wanted to say. She just could not figure out how to say it in an organized manner.

The moss-hued female’s mind was going a mile-a-minute. She had always been so confident about herself in all areas of her life, except that of romance. She had always been quick and ready to settle for just some guy that was still breathing as long as he seemed to want some small part of her. Things like that left her scrapping the bottom of the barrel when it came to partners and she had always thought that higher levels just looked at her as a freak. No man in a suit would want to date a woman with green skin, no man with a good future would want to date her, no one going somewhere in life would want her. It always seemed that way to her.

“Shego, why would you think that? I mean, you’re great—” the slender hero tried to say with her usual smile, but she did not get to finish that sentence either.

“Kim, I have to tell you something,” Shego said as she began rubbing one of her eyes with the heel of her hand, which was only helping in making it red and not stopping her tears like she was hoping to do.

“It’s all right, Shego. It’s—”

“I love you,” Shego declared.

Kim was so astonished by the statement that if someone were to ask her what her name was at that moment, she would not have been able to remember. It would have seemed like trivial information to her. Who gave a damn what her name was? The important thing was what Shego had just proclaimed.

The slim scientist was struck dumb thanks to those words. Her face showed the shock that she was in. Her eyes seemed to reflect almost no activity going on in her brain, but there were thoughts. Her mistress could not have just proclaimed love for her, right? After all, it was her cranky, antisocial, easily annoyed master. Her owner would never say such a thing, right?

“Shego…” Kim said in a low voice as her brain tried to jumpstart back into gear.

“I love you, even if you only like me,” Shego stated. She put that addition because her pet had never come out and said that she loved Shego, only that she liked her. It was not the same thing, but Shego appreciated it nonetheless. She appreciated the hell out of it.

Kim was snapped out of her stupor by the addition to the statement. Only like Shego? Yeah, right, her mind scoffed.

“Of course, I love you!” Kim shouted loud enough for the whole building to hear. “It’s been more than a liking for me for a long time now. I’ve loved you since I first came here to live with you and was only just a pet to you. I love you so much and I want you to always know that. I love you no matter what,” Kim declared with fervor to make sure that master believed her.

Shego tried once more to stop her tears, but those words proved too much for her. She began to weep more than before. She was loved by such a great person. Someone that was honest, pure, and good-natured loved her. It was so touching that all she could do was cry.

“Kim…” Shego said.

“Yeah?” the younger female asked.

“Would you really love me no matter what? No matter how many men I’ve been with? No matter what I’ve done in the past?”

“No matter what,” Kim repeated soundly and she embraced her mistress again, much more civilly than before. She did not care about the past. It was the now and the future that concerned her. The past was dead and gone.

“Thank you so much.”

“You know all I ever want is to stay with you forever and I’ll love you just as long, always and forever. I’ll always be here for you and I’ll love you through any and everything,” Kim vowed.

Shego returned the embrace as her response and she continued to bawl on Kim. The redhead got choked with emotions and she began crying too. She had to cry, not just because Shego was doing it, but because the older woman had declared love for her. And so, they stood there, weeping and holding each other with loving arms.

Next time: yeah, there is more story believe it or not. Kim and Shego go have dinner at Betty’s house.

1 - 2 - 3 - 4 - 5 - 6 - 7 - 8 - 9 - 10 - 11 - 12 - 13 - 14 - 15 - 16 - 17 - 18 - 19 - 20 - 21 - 22 - 23 - 24 - 25 - 26 - 27 - 28 - 29 - 30 - 31 - 32 - 33 - 34 - 35 - 36 - 37 - 38 - 39 - 40 - 41 - 42 - 43 - 44 - 45 - 46 - 47 - 48 - 49 - 50 - 51 - 52 - 53 - 54 - 55 - 56 - 57 - 58 - 59 - 60