The Gods Must Be Laughing

Gag Two

To pet or not to pet


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TITLE: To pet or not to pet

AUTHOR: StarvingLunatic

DISCLAIMER: I don’t own these characters and I don’t own this premise. Disney owns one and Yayoi Ogawa owns the other; I’ll leave you to figure out who owns which.

SUMMARY: AU. The sequel to On a Short Leash. Shego and Kim continue their odd relationship. Still a weird sort of Kigo.

TYPE: Kim/Shego, Kim, Ron, Other, Friendship, Romance, Slash

RATING: US: R / DE: 16

NOTE: I forgot to mention that each chapter should begin with a thought from either Kim or Shego like the last story and I’ll leave you to figure out who is doing the thinking. I know the first chapter didn’t have one; I forgot it. Use your imagination for that one.

Words: 4320

Shego caressing her pet.

Why the hell am I thinking so hard on something that should be so easy to answer? I hate pressure so much! I wonder how other people handle it, not that anyone else would have this problem. I mean, how many other people are pets?

Shego waited for the answer to her question; she waited to know if her pet still wished to remain her pet. She was not going to keep the redhead around anymore if Kim was not going to be her pet, even if it meant that she was going to be alone again. She knew that she would miss the little critter, but sometimes it was best to let go.

The emerald-eyed woman just could not take the annoyance from the energetic brat, especially since her little monster seemed to be attempting to take over her home. Things just were not working out with the way that they had been going lately and she truly could not stand it. So, if the petite hero was going to continue on with what seemed like a coup d'état, then she was going to have to go. Yes, it was unfortunate, but it would be necessary.

Kim rubbed her head in frustration. She did not really know the answer to the question behind if she wanted to remain Shego’s pet. It was not that she disliked being with Shego now or something like that; it was nothing of the sort. She just did not know the answer to the question and she was feeling the pressure to know or she was aware that she would be out of a home and away from one person that she wanted to be with for all eternity.

The slender college student knew that it was not that she did not desire to be a pet; it was that she wanted to be an equal. She wanted to have a real relationship with Shego now that she had the chance since Shego’s breakup with Drakken and him being who-knew-how-many-miles away. It seemed to her that the chance was right in front of her and she believed that she would be the very definition of an idiot if she did not go for it.

“Should I step out and come back tomorrow for the answer to what should be a simple question?” Shego remarked. It was a “yes” or “no” question after all. It was very straightforward as far as she was concerned.

“It’s not so simple,” Kim argued. It was way beyond an easy answer because of the fact that it was not like she wished to be separated from Shego, but she just wanted to be more to the pale woman than a pet.

“Tell me what you want,” the older woman requested/ordered. It was really a request, but since she was the one in charge (in theory anyway), then it was also a command.

“What do you want?” the redhead countered. She would like to have the opportunity to play confused for a moment; after all, Shego had been that way for most of their time together. So, she thought that it would be fair for her to get a second or two to be bewildered.

“This is about you for once, Princess. I mean, you have been going on about being my pet until whenever, but lately you’ve been acting like you don’t want to be that anymore. You’ve been acting almost normal. Are you done with this?” Shego asked in an even tone; she almost sounded neutral, like she did not have anything at stake with the answer.

The petite hero rubbed her head again. “I want to stay with you. I want to be with you forever,” she informed the elder female.

“I know.”

“I want you to see me a potential partner,” Kim muttered, as if she did not really want Shego to hear such words. She was not too sure how the raven-haired woman would react to such a statement.

“And you think that doing all the housework increases that potential?” the pale woman inquired with a craned ebony eyebrow. Her voice and expression showed that she could not believe that logic.

“Well, I didn’t think it could hurt,” the olive-eyed adventurer replied.

“You were wrong.”

Kim wanted to say that she knew that now, but she did not voice that opinion. “It’s getting on your nerves, isn’t it?” she asked the obvious. If it was not bothering the apartment owner, then they would not be having their current conversation, she figured.

“Yeah,” Shego affirmed bluntly.

Kim’s face dropped a bit. She had had a feeling that she had been getting on Shego’s nerves long before it was confirmed. She just did not know what else to do in order to achieve her goal. She thought that if she pulled her weight around the house and showed that she was not as useless as she appeared, then it might make the moss-colored woman happy. Apparently, it was a miscalculation on her part.

“You want me to stay a pet, don’t you?” the slender hero asked.

“This is about what you want. Think about it before you answer since you seem so concerned,” Shego suggested.

“You think it’s a bad idea?” Kim inquired.

“Just think about it.”

The redhead sighed and she started to think about not being a pet anymore, but a potential partner, an equal. It seemed like a good notion on the surface. She would be able to show Shego everything that she could offer, like cooking and cleaning and other household chores. She could be a damn good girlfriend if given the chance, but as she thought about it, those things had not impressed Shego in the slightest. None of those things seemed to matter to the older woman; in fact, everything that she had been attempting to show off only seemed to get on Shego’s nerves.

But, as she continued to think about it, she always got on the pale woman’s nerves. What she had been doing lately was different from when she usually did it, though. She was allowed to get on Shego’s nerves for the most part; it was almost as if that was an endearing quality of hers when it came to the raven-haired woman, Kim noted. There was something about her being shiftless, whiny, and almost inert in Shego’s presence that the older woman seemed to enjoy.

When she stopped and thought about it, she had a big responsibility as a pet that she seemed to allow to get lost in her fascination with trying to become the officer’s girlfriend. She was there, first and foremost, to keep Shego relaxed and make sure that the older woman did not allow life to drive her insane. Her behavior as a pet was the thing that helped Shego to relax and she seemed to like having someone to take care of; hell, Kim even somewhat admitted to herself that she needed someone to take care of her. She did like being able to keep Shego calm and bring her some joy.

She actually supposed that her job as a pet was rather close to being a partner without the physical intimacy. Hey, she even got a little bit of physical affection. Shego did kiss her rather deeply every now and then. She did not want to settle for that, though, but she did admit that she had a job to do.

“I’d like to stay you pet, but…” Kim decided.

“But?” Shego asked.

“I want something deeper too,” the redhead added. She desired Shego, plain and simple. No one else would ever do, plain and simple. So, she wanted something more than being the lazy pet that only got kisses when her mistress felt like giving them out. She might even need something more than that; she was human, after all, and humans seem to need intimacy on many different levels.

“Princess, when I’m involved, don’t you think you’ve gotten deeper than most?” Shego remarked. She thought that if her pet ever did leave her, she was going to have to figure out a way to wipe the girl’s memory or just kill her because she had a lot of incriminating information.

Kim smiled a bit because she was fairly certain that she had gotten closer to Shego than any other being on the planet. After all, she had even seen Shego cry, over a sappy movie at that. She was willing to bet that she was the only person on the planet allowed to cuddle Shego in her sleep; she was very right on that matter. She was also the only person that Shego had ever cuddled. But, she did not have the other privileges that she wanted and that was why she was trying to get out of being seen a pet.

“I know…Well, I know we’re close and everything. I don’t even think about that, but…” the redhead trailed off again.

“What’s wrong, Pumpkin? What do you want?” Shego asked.

The pale woman would actually give the olive-eyed college student anything that she wanted, as long as the young lady stopped acting the way that she was. Shego wanted everything to go back to normal. She wanted to be the one that did almost everything and she wanted her little monster to act like a pet. She was sure that it might seem bizarre to other people, but that was other people. She knew what she wanted and that was all that mattered; well, and what Kim wanted of course, but that seemed like a given.

“Well, I want more,” the slim hero answered, even though it seemed a little vague.

“Like?” Shego pressed.

“Like sometimes…maybe you could possibly call me by real name,” Kim hoped.

The redhead figured that if Shego used her real name, even a little bit, it might assist in reminding her that Kim was a human being. Sure, she would still be a pet, but she would be a human too. She figured that it would be a good start for being able to get more out of the relationship on her end. She just was not sure if her master would agree to such a term since she was the one that had given Kim the other pet names.

“All right, no problem,” the green-hued female answered.

“Really?” the redhead asked in shock. She was surprised that it was so easy; she had no idea how seriously freaked she had Shego.

“Yeah, no problem,” the emerald-eyed officer answered. Hell, she might have conceded to addressing Kim as “the queen” if it got her to go back to normal. It was not like she really wanted to throw the younger female out, so she wanted Kim to go back to acting as she used to at almost any cost. She liked having her little monster around.

“And…” Kim hesitated a bit with her next request. She was not sure if it would be proper pet behavior. “Can I kiss you sometimes?” she asked. She figured when she was in a “naughty” mood, she would do it anyway, but she did not want to overstep her boundaries at the few times when she was trying to be a good pet. She would like to be able to kiss Shego to make her feel good, not just to be irksome.

“Don’t you do that already?” the green-skinned martial artist inquired.

“You know what I mean, really kiss you,” the college student replied.

“Why not give it a shot,” Shego suggested.

Kim was surprised by that response and it showed on her face for a long moment. The few kisses that they had shared lately had always been initiated by Shego in some way or another. The younger woman just had not been too sure if Shego would like it if she started a serious kiss; of course, she could offer up little pecks almost any time that the urge overcame her and she often did. A serious kiss was another matter, though. Her master might not have found it cute if she took such liberties and she was not out to truly anger Shego.

The redhead decided to go for it while the offer was on the table; she definitely did not need to be told twice. She leaned over to Shego and gently touched her lips to the older woman’s mouth. Things started out sweet as always, but did not take too long to grow heated, as they had been doing recently.

Kim moaned because of the kiss and she wished that she could do more. She wished that she could unleash all of her passion for the pale woman, but she was aware that even a fraction of that would be going too far. She had already tried several times to caress or just touch Shego in a licentious manner, but the emerald-eyed female always halted her when she did such things. The only time that she could get away with fondling Shego was when they were supposed to be sleeping; she often pretended to be asleep and she suspected that she was not putting anything over on her owner.

“Happy now?” Shego asked when the kiss was done.

“Yeah, I think so,” Kim answered while licking her lips. She would be so much happier if she could do so much more, but she knew that was pretty much a fantasy for the time being.

“Good to know. Now, are you good?” the pale woman inquired. She was hoping that all of the drama was passed them and they could get things back in order in the house because if she had to deal with Kim trying to clean one more thing, she was going to have to scorch the little pest.

“Yeah.” The hero was telling the absolute truth; she was all right for the moment. She knew that other things would take time.


Kim figured that she had missed the point of the question the first time, so she thought on it for a second. She believed that she knew what she missed, but she had to check. “You mean am I still your pet?” she countered.

“Yeah,” Shego replied.

“I always be your Princess or Pumpkin,” Kim declared with a grin, which her mistress was very happy to see.

Shego actually smiled a little bit because of the answer and the beaming expression that the girl was wearing. She rubbed the top of Kim’s head to show that she was glad to have her pet back. The younger woman smiled even wider; yes, it was possible for her to do so without splitting her face open. And then, she attacked her master again, kissing her with vigor. Shego would have laughed because her pet was an eager little thing, which she did not mind in the slightest, but she was too busy to laugh at the moment. It was nice to have someone so willing and wanting to kiss her, not to mention do a good job of it.

“Okay, okay, okay,” Shego said while pulling away from Kim. She was starting to believe that if it was up to the redhead, they would both suffocate from kissing.

“What?” Kim asked with a playful pout.

“I do need to make dinner,” the officer pointed out.

“Right,” the adventurer giggled a bit because she felt rather sheepish for forgetting that little fact.

Shego rose from the couch and Kim flopped down onto the cushions. The redhead supposed that it was best that she remain a pet because her mistress was such an independent soul. She knew that Shego would not like someone doing things around her house, which Kim supposed she should have thought on before she began bugging out and trying to do everything. Some genius, she teased herself.

Kim figured that she should have known that the best way for her and her master to get along would be for her to remain the submissive one; she should allow Shego to continue to take care of her. She would just return the favor by taking care of Shego in the manner that she did. It was not so lowly being a pet, she told herself, especially since it had been the role that had gotten her so close to Shego in the first place. It was best to be a pet.

“Princess!” Shego hollered when she caught sight of the kitchen, which was where Kim had been located before they had their little talk.

“I didn’t do it!” the redhead insisted in an exaggerated whine of a voice.

“What the hell did you do in here?” Shego demanded to know, ignoring her pet’s weak excuse. It was not like anyone else was in the house to make such a mess and she knew that the kitchen could not have possibly ruined itself.

Kim grimaced slightly; yeah, it certainly was best that she stayed a pet, especially considering what she had done to the kitchen not even twenty minutes ago. No regular human being would be able to get away with that natural disaster in Shego’s house. Now, the redhead had attempted to clean the mess up, but it took much more time than she assumed and her mistress had come in before she could make any progress. Well, at least as a pet, she did not have to handle any of that stuff.

“Get in here and help me clean this up!” Shego commanded her impish monster in a very harsh tone.

“But, I didn’t do it!” Kim whined while sliding off of the sofa. Yes, she had started the mess, but it was a very horrible chain reaction, so technically she did not make the mess. The mess made itself.

“Get your narrow ass in here now!”


“Don’t make me come out there!” Shego barked and Kim decided that she should not call her owner’s bluff on that one. So, she trotted into the kitchen to help clean up the chaos that she would continue to insist she did not do.

Shego sat and pondered the fact that her pet desired to change the nature of their relationship. She supposed that their relationship had transformed a little already; after all, they had been kissing a lot more lately. Hell, they locked lips like two horny teenagers, she thought; although she did consider that Kim was close to being a teenager anyway, so her hormones were probably still raging somewhat. The redhead, being mischievous, often tried to do more than kissing; she sometimes groped or ground her hips into her master. But, maybe she should consider the desire, Shego thought.

She figured that she should take into account that, like she told Kim, the olive-eyed student had gotten very close to her. Kim was closer to her than anyone else that she could think of, even Betty, who she had pretty much grown up with. She had actually never admitted to herself that she loved someone except for Kim. Maybe that meant that Kim’s want was relevant and valid. But, she was almost certain that such a thing would be beyond awkward.

After all, Kim was her pet and, more often than not, Shego looked at her as just her pet. She did not look at Kim as human, partner material to be more specific, much of the time. Now, every now and again, she did have mental slips and she quietly noted that some part of the little scamp was physically attractive. She had to explain her adult rated dreams and the desire for her elf’s kisses somehow and she figured that she might as well be honest with herself because it was less painful that way. It was much less painful than what she had been doing before, namely attempting to ignore everything and denying that it meant anything. But still, Kim was her pet.

Well, in actuality, she was aware that if she told anyone that Kim was her pet, the first thing that they would assume was that the relationship was sexual and the last thing that they would assume was that Kim was a for-real pet. In fact, she knew that if people saw her interact with Kim, they would consider the pair weird because the relationship was not sexual. Most people would wonder, what was the point in having a young, adorable, nimble, and attractive human being for a pet if that pet was not performing some sort of sexual stunt for the owner. But, did she really want to have a sexual relationship with Kim?

Her mind seemed to sometimes lean toward “yes” when it came to the question of her desiring a sexual relationship with Kim. After all, her mind was the one offering up all sorts of x-rated dreams and noticing that Kim had nice legs or things of that nature. So, it seemed like her mind was telling her to sleep with Kim.

But, at the same time, it seemed like her mind leaned toward “no” for the answer too because she did look at Kim as a pet a great deal of the time and there was really nothing attractive about a pet. Her mind did not even think “human” much of the time when it came to the redhead. How was she supposed to sleep with someone that she did not even think of as human most of the time? It was not even like her mind was saying no because Kim was a girl. Her mind was just not registering Kim as human.

Shego just was not too sure where she stood as far as wanting Kim sexually. It seemed like such a weird concept when she sat down and thought about it, but she considered that it might be worth exploring. It was not like anything else about them was close to normal, so perhaps something that seemed to be so odd in her head would prove to be much better than what she thought.

(New Day)

“Hey,” Shego greeted Kim as she entered to the house and was finally greeted in return with her annoying hug. She had no idea how much she truly missed the embrace until she felt those slim arms around her; she was home. Kim also sneaked a quick kiss into the greeting, if only to be impish.

“I’ve been waiting for you,” the redhead informed her master with a grin; it seemed like she was overjoyed that her master was finally home. She made it sound like she had been waiting for the older woman for hours.

“I’m only ten minutes late,” Shego pointed out.

“But, there was no lap to lie in for ten minutes,” the younger female countered.

“You’re so hopeless. Get dressed.”

“Dressed?” Kim echoed with a bemused expression.

“Yeah, I figured we could go out to dinner for once.”

“Out?” Kim asked. Wow, her mistress wanted to be seen in public with her without them having to go to the park? She could not believe it.

“Yes, out. So, go put on a halfway decent outfit and let’s go,” the pale officer ordered.

“Yes, ma’am!” Kim saluted before running off to go put on some suitable clothes.

Shego had decided to take the slender adventurer out on a whim, after having a very long internal debate about what sort of relationship she and Kim should have. She figured that going out might help examine the borders of their companionship. Could she go out with Kim like she could go out with any other person? She would soon find out.

The petite hero was busy wondering what she should wear. She guessed that since Shego was still in her regular street clothes, she might as well throw on her usual clothes too. She wondered where they were going, but she did not really care as long as the place served pasta of course. She would just be happy being out with Shego anyway, but pasta would definitely be a plus.

“How’s this?” Kim asked as she joined Shego at the door. She was dressed in a pink short sleeve shirt and maroon pants.

“Good enough. Let’s just get the hell out of here,” the elder woman answered while opening the door back up.

“Where are we going?” Kim asked curiously as she exited the apartment. Shego followed her out of the door.

“Why are you so full of questions? You’re not paying, so just be happy that you’re not on the leash,” the pale woman remarked as she locked the door behind her.

“Why are you being so mean?” the redhead whined.

Shego rolled her eyes; she was unmoved as usual by her pet’s bothersome tone. “Keep it up and we’ll go right back into the house and you won’t have any dinner at all.”

“Why?” Kim groaned. She liked being spoiled, she mentally commented. It was actually very fun.

Shego did not respond, which her pet expected. She knew that Kim was just looking to be annoying and she would not give in to give the girl the chance to irk her. As long as she did not feed the flame, Kim would be quiet for a couple of minutes, which was all she wanted.

The hero did wonder if they were going on what would be considered a date. She thought that it was strange for them to go on a date after her master made it so very clear that she preferred Kim as a pet. Well, what kind of owner took her pet out on a date? It probably was not a date, Kim told herself. But, what if it was?

Next time: Is it a date? Who knows, but if it is a date, well, how should it end?

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