The Gods Must Be Laughing

Gag Fifty-five



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TITLE: Wipeout

AUTHOR: StarvingLunatic

DISCLAIMER: I don’t own these characters and I don’t own this premise.

SUMMARY: AU. The sequel to On a Short Leash. Shego and Kim continue their odd relationship. Still a weird sort of Kigo.

TYPE: Kim/Shego, Kim, Ron, Other, Friendship, Romance, Slash

RATING: US: R / DE: 16

Note: Warning, there are five chapters left.

Words: 5335

Shego caressing her pet.

I get the feeling that my evil ass mother actually had good intentions when she called me out here with Princess, knowing full well that the Possible family was going to be here too. But, I don’t really give a damn about that, especially considering you know what they say about good intentions and the road to Hell. I know she wants me to try to make them okay with their daughter being with me, but she’s not being realistic. Their daughter is my pet and parents just aren’t going to be cool with that. I wish she would’ve just left it alone instead of forcing us to come here and reminding them of something they probably don’t even want to think about.

The Possible and Gooding families were lounging by the pool of Isabel’s new vacation home, which was where they were all going to spend the weekend. Isabel was hoping that the families could get along because of the daughters. She wanted everyone to bond and maybe they would all be able to get along and get together some other time. Everyone was around the pool, trying to get to know each other. It was somewhat working.

The pairs of twins were getting along, despite the age difference between them. Apparently, being twins trumped everything. They also had desires to get on their older sisters’ nerves, which helped trump anything that the twin thing might have missed. So, they were all cool with each other already. Jim and Tim seemed to even understand Walter and Wallace’s strange notion that they were actually one person.

Hego and Mego were more keeping to themselves than anything else. They were actually being excluded by the twins, who were just having fun interacting each other. The twins were not looking to let the other guys join in their antics because they were not looking to hear Hego’s mouth and the redheaded twins knew that Mego was just trying to conform, which they believed was annoying.

Mego knew better than to go pester his sister to occupy his time. Shego had no problem with hurting him very badly with their parents right in view and he was not up for any pain at the moment. He did not really know Kim well to consider hanging around her, so he was on his own.

Hego had attempted to hang around the parents, but Isabel shooed him away. He had hoped that his father would stick up for him, but Isabel had had her way in the end. She did not want him butting him when the conversation that she knew was coming came up because it really was not any of Hector’s business. So, he was just wading around in the pool with nothing better to do. He hoped that his father would call for his assistance sometime soon.

Kim was sitting by the pool side with her legs hanging in the water. She had been planning to do some swimming, but a funny thing happened as she was going through her bag for a swimsuit. She had come across one of her ball puzzles that she had brought with her to put together on the plane. She would have left it alone if only it had not rolled right off the bed and broke open. The pieces had splashed around the room and she just had to start putting it back together; Shego made a remark about her being obsessive-compulsive with her need to put the puzzle back together. So, now she was sitting by the pool and putting the ball puzzle together. She had less than half of the sphere reassembled; the loose pieces were in a small plastic bowl next to her.

Shego was sunbathing and reading a book. Well, it appeared that she was reading a book. She could have been sleeping or she could have been watching her pet, but no one would know because she had on dark sunglasses. She did not want anyone to know if she was asleep or awake, so they would not bother her.

A couple of yards from the super-powered crank, the parents were all sitting together. They were really the main ones looking to get to know each other. The doctors Possible were trying to understand what kind of home Shego came from while Isabel was hoping to ease their apprehensions about her daughter. She would have known that they were discomforted about Kim being with Shego, even if they did not know that Kim was Shego’s pet. No one would probably want their upstanding offspring with Shego because of the impression that the green-skinned woman left.

“So, what do you think of these girls being together?” Jason asked the doctors right off the bat. They did not really get into any small talk, which Isabel knew was coming and that was why she forced Hego away.

“Dearest,” Isabel scolded her husband’s bluntness. And people thought that Shego got it from her.

“What? I’m sure they don’t approve. Maybe they can talk some sense into their daughter since ours is hell bent on doing the wrong thing like she always does,” Jason argued.

“There’s nothing wrong with what they’re doing,” Isabel countered.

“Don’t you think there’s something wrong with what our daughters are doing?” Jason asked the Possibles to get some support for once.

“Well, I wouldn’t say wrong…” James answered hesitantly. Sure, he did not agree with the choices his Kimmie-cub had made in regards to her personal life, but he would not go so far to say that she was wrong.

“So, you’re all right with our daughters being involved as they are? With your daughter being a pet?” Jason inquired in an incredulous tone. What kind of man was James Possible if the doctor was seriously okay with what their daughters were doing, he wondered.

“Well…no,” James replied.

“I didn’t think so. That’s your little girl, after all, being put in a collar and dragged around on a leash like an animal,” Jason stated.

“Leash?” James and Ann echoed. They had not heard anything about leashes being involved. Did their daughter really allow Shego to pull her around on a leash? Hopefully not because of she did, well, what else did she allow Shego to do to her? Their minds began to come up with all sorts of things that Shego might be doing to their Kimmie-cub.

“Jason, stop blowing things out of proportion and taking them out of context,” Isabel ordered her husband, even though he was not blowing things out of proportion. But, he was taking things out of context and trying to paint a very horrible picture to get the Possibles on his side.

“Shego had our daughter on a leash?” Ann asked in disbelief.

“It isn’t something that I can explain because I don’t know why they were doing it. Kim hadn’t objected, I can tell you that much. It seemed something like a joke to me. I can also tell you that I’m thankful Shego has Kim in her life because Kim is very special to her. I doubt that Shego has or will ever love someone as much as she does Kim. Unfortunately, she’s a weird one and it does take a lot to get into her world. It seems that Kim found the loophole that easily got her through the door,” Isabel remarked.

“By being her pet? That’s just ridiculous,” Ann argued. She could not believe that her daughter was letting someone put her in a collar and on a leash. How could Kim just be okay with that? It was as if the girl had lost her pride and self-respect.

“I suppose so, but Kim doesn’t seem to think so and she’s a rather bright kid. She seems really happy with Shego. I’m sure if she wasn’t happy or didn’t agree with what was happening, she would’ve left a long time ago,” Isabel reasoned.

The Possibles nodded in agreement to that one. They were fairly certain that if Shego did anything that Kim did not agree with, the trim hero would have fled the pale woman’s company a long time ago. That thought did not make it any easier to come to grips with the fact that their daughter was acting as Shego’s pet.

“Besides, they might say ‘pet,’ but it’s probably because Shego can’t utter the word girlfriend because as far as she’s concerned, she’s been straight since before Kim came into her life,” the middle-aged martial artist added as if she was amused.

“Your daughter turned our daughter gay,” Jason said in an accusing tone. It was something that he had a problem with. Kim was a bad influence on Shego as far as he was concerned and he wanted the girl’s parents to take her away from his daughter. He figured that Shego would go back to dating men if Kim was gone.

“What?” the doctors said in offended tones because of his voice. First of all, the man sounded rather insulting and they took pride in their daughter, despite the things that she did. They were still a bit sensitive about Kim’s sexuality and they did not really like having it brought up.

“Jason,” Isabel hissed. Here it was, she was attempting to bring everyone together and he was trying to piss off the people that she wanted to be comfortable. If he kept things up, they were going to get into an argument and the whole reason for the weekend trip was going to be lost.

“Don’t try to blame Kimmie if your daughter turned out to be a lesbian,” James argued. The very idea, he thought heatedly. It was not Kim’s fault if Shego was actually a homosexual.

“My daughter was just fine before yours showed up,” Jason huffed. Fine, so he was lying a bit. Shego had not been fine, but at least she had not been interesting in girls or putting collars on females or tugging girls around on leashes before Kim came around. To him, all of that was Kim’s fault and she made Shego even worse. Shego was pretty much a degenerate in his opinion because of Kim.

The parents were drawing attention to themselves because of their argument’s rising volume. Well, they were sort of attracting attention. Shego glanced over at them once and decided that she did not care about what they were going on about, even though she knew that it had something to do with her and her munchkin. Kim could hear the noise, but it was not her business, so she did not pay them any mind. Besides, she believed that she had lost a piece of her puzzle, which would drive her crazy if it was true. Her mind was fixed on puzzle solving and if that piece was gone, she would not be able to finish her task. She would not be able to handle that.

The males of the group had noticed the argument too. Hego was very interested and wished that he could jump in, but he knew that his mother would not enjoy that. He remained focusing on the debate, though just in case there was a point where he could enter and help out. Mego was looking into the argument just because he was bored and he would have liked to get into it, just for the attention. The two sets of twins noticed the argument, but they had more interesting plans going on.

Wally were making moves on Kim since she seemed so distracted. They were silently wading in the water next where she was, still concentrating heavily on her puzzle it seemed. They set themselves up right in front of her and began grinning like mad. Dear, sweet lord in heaven, she was sexy, they thought. They were glad that their sister found her, although they wish that they had been the ones to come across Kim first. Maybe she would have willingly worn a collar and leash for them.

“Wally, I know there are two of you behind me and if you try to push me into the pool or possibly even steal my top, it won’t end well,” Kim promised them without trying her eyes off of her puzzle.

“Behind you? How’s that?” Walter asked innocently.

“When we’re right here,” Wallace pointed out, just as innocently.

“And there are two of you behind me,” Kim added. “Now, you can go ahead and throw your plan into action, but it’s going to really piss off your big sister.”

Walter and Wallace seemed to think on the matter. Their sister would probably slaughter them if they went ahead with their plan, which was to pull Kim’s bikini top off and push her in the pool because they were certain the sight of her being topless and wet would be the highlight of their week. If only she was wearing the collar too, they thought, but she had taken it off when she changed into her swimsuit. They would probably be having wet dreams of her for the rest of their lives if she had on the collar and their plan succeeded.

So, was Kim topless and wet worth their sister’s wrath? They would pay twice that for Kim being topless and wet. Well, it seemed like they were going to die that day, they conceded, but at least they were going to go out to a grand sight.

The Wally clones behind Kim went for the bikini strap and Kim swiftly leaped out of the way just in time to avoid losing her top. The clones gasped in a surprise and fell off balance. Wally yelled as they noticed that their copies were about to crash into them. There was a big splash as they hit the pool and Kim landed safely on the pool deck.

“You guys really need to keep your hands to yourself,” the redheaded hero remarked with a taunting smile and a teasing wink.

The ruby-eyed twins pouted. Shego watched the scene unfold and felt rather proud of her girl, especially since Kim made her brothers look like morons. It seemed like she was going to have to return that favor too, considering the fact that she could tell someone was behind her and the Possible twins were nowhere in sight. Was it just that the Possible siblings were all lechers or was it that twins in general were lechers?

“Boys, I don’t know your scheme here, but just remember I know two dozen forms of martial arts and can do this,” Shego commented and she ignited her hands to warn the boys to back off.

Jim and Tim were just enjoying the view of Shego from behind for a moment or two, but they did have the notion in their heads to yank her top. They had gotten the idea from the other twins. They had put their genius together, not that it was ever separated, and they could not come up with anything because they had no props at hand to build something to serve their purposes. They decided to just go with running by her and snatching it. They figured with both of them, they would snap the straps. They also had it in their heads that because they were very good athletes, they might even get away. No guts, no glory, they decided.

The pair went for it after they moved from behind her. Shego fell back into her chair as the boys came at her, so the boys missed her top and just ran by her. She slid out of the lounge chair and picked it up as they came to a halt. She supposed that it was good that she had her chair situated parallel to the pool because of the next move that she was going to make. They turned back to her as she swung the chair at them. They gulped as the seat impacted them and forced them into falling into the pool. She let go of the chair, so it sank with them for a moment.

“Spanking!” Kim cheered when she saw her brothers hit the water thanks to the efforts of her totally cool mistress.

“Shego!” Isabel called when she saw that her daughter was starting trouble.

“What?” Shego practically snarled.

“What in the world are you doing?” Isabel inquired.

“I’m trying my damnedest to not get molested,” the daughter answered.


“Yeah, you heard me. Whose bright idea was it to come and sit by the damn pool?” Shego huffed. She and Kim were just dressed to get preyed upon by the pair of twins around the house.

“Stop being so crabby. It’s a beautiful damn day, perfect for sitting by the pool,” Isabel argued.

“To hell with the pool!” Shego declared and she stomped back toward the house. She actually would have liked to continue sunbathing, but she did not want to be ogled or bothered by the Possible twins. She also did not want her lustful brothers eye-humping her Kimmie.

“Way to go, tweebs,” Kim said and her brothers smiled. “And stop looking at Shego. She’s mine,” the olive-eyed female informed her little brother with a smile on her face.

“It’s not illegal to look,” Jim replied.

“Or grab,” Tim added. He would not mind grabbing just about anything on that curvy body and his brother would have been right there with him.

“You do and I’ll tell your girlfriends,” Kim threatened them before going after Shego. She figured that she could keep her owner company while continuing to piece together her ball puzzle. The twins rolled their eyes and then turned to the match-headed twins.

“Your sister is so hot!” the four boys said to each other.

The parents could hardly believe what was going on. They all quietly decided that the last thing that their twins needed was another set of twins encouraging them. The four boys already seemed bad for each other’s health because they gave each other ideas, obviously bad ideas.

The parents turned back to each other since there was no more commotion going on between their offspring. They returned to their argument of Kim turning Shego gay. They tuned the volume down a bit that time around.

Isabel was not much in favor of the debate because she really did not care if Shego was a lesbian or bisexual or whatever the hell she was. Kim and Shego made each other happy and that was enough for her. She could understand the doctors Possible feeling differently because their daughter was the one considered a pet and Shego was not at all sweet and adorable or likable like Kim was. Isabel decided to add her last piece and then call it a day.

The middle-aged martial artist did want to help her daughter, but she did not see herself being able to do that if Jason was going to act so much like himself. She was not sure how to make the Possible parents comfortable if Jason was going to go around blaming Kim for the relationship that she was having with Shego. They did seem rather offended by the argument that Jason was making, after all.

“You know, I think you should talk to Shego if you’re worried in any way about your daughter. If you think Kim hasn’t made a good decision, just go talk to Shego and find out what you can about their relationship. It isn’t as bad as you might assume,” Isabel commented and that was it. She was just going to lie there in her lounge chair now.

Ann decided to take that into consideration. They had not spoken to Shego at length before, not counting a few conversations that they held at the barbeque when they had first met her. They had only made assumptions about her. The neurosurgeon also realized that it seemed that with the way they were looking at the relationship, it was like she did not trust Kim or her decisions.

Every time that Kim did come to some conclusion about what she wanted in her life, her parents always second-guessed her. They second-guessed her about her college decisions, or telling her what career decisions to make, or her choice in partners now. Hell, they barely accepted her sexual preferences; James slightly did not understand her sexual preferences. Everything about Kim, they just always acted like they knew what was better for her, even if they did not do it in a harsh manner.

Ann strolled by the den of the large house and noticed Shego in the room, watching television. The redhead thought that it would be a good time to speak with the pale woman since she seemed to be alone. So, Ann entered the den and sat down in an arm chair across from Shego, where she could see that the moss-hued woman was not alone. Kim was sleeping on the sofa with her head in Shego’s lap as usual.

Ann was surprised by the sight. She had never seen her daughter rest against someone. The younger redhead looked so at peace and unguarded, which was so unlike Kim. She decided not to address that issue for the moment.

“Hey, Missus Possible. Or is it Doctor Possible?” Shego inquired, knowing that the idea of calling the woman by her first name was out of the question now that she knew the nature of the relationship between Kim and Shego. She had expected a talking sooner or later from one of the doctors. She also expected to be told to let Kimmie go, not that she would obey such an order.

“Either is fine,” Ann replied.

“Figured as much. What can I do for you?” Shego asked, as if she did not know.

“I was hoping that we could talk.”

“Figured as much on that one too.”

“I want to understand this thing a little better. I just…I just want to know why you call her your pet. You don’t really mean it that way, do you? You don’t seriously put her on a leash and act like she’s a dog or something, right? You don’t force her to wear a collar, right? I mean, you don’t truly treat my little girl like a dog, do you?” Ann seemed to beg to know.

Shego was not sure how she should answer the questions. Her first instinct was to be snippy about thing or at the very least lie, but she doubted that she could do that to Kim’s mother. The woman was just worried about Kim, which was something that she could understand and relate to. She worried about Kim all of the time, after all.

She also thought about how her mother might react if she was someone’s pet, not that it would ever happen. Her mother would undoubtedly want to know everything about the relationship and to be assured that she was not being mistreated or abused in any way. She was going to have to make Missus Possible that way in order to make sure the woman did not try to convince Kim to leave her. She was not sure if she was going to be able to do that, though. After all, she was not accustomed to seriously explaining herself or trying to put someone at ease.

“It was…it started out as a joke. When I first came across Kim, I just helped her out a bit out of guilt or something like that. Hell, I don’t really know why I helped her, but I did. And then I just wanted to get rid of her, but it felt like she wouldn’t leave. I mean, I left for work, came back home, and she was still there. I offered her the spot as my pet, hoping that she’d yell at me for being such a damn sicko, but she accepted and I did start treating her like a pet. I really just treated her like a pet. Maybe like a house cat or something. Before I knew it though, she grew on me and I ended up needing her. It’s just hard…it’s hard for me to admit, even to myself that I need someone. It doesn’t help that Kim acts like a nut around me and I just can’t believe I need someone like her. I mean, if I saw the Kim you’re used to, I probably wouldn’t recognize her. She’s just all over the place with me and somehow that works. I don’t know why, but it does,” Shego explained as best she could.

“But, you didn’t really answer my questions, except for admitting that you do treat her like a pet, like an animal,” Ann pointed out.

“Well, I don’t force her to wear the collar. She likes wearing them because she likes being different. Yes, I brought the collars for her, but it was just because I wanted to convince myself that she wasn’t someone important to me. At one point, I did go so far as to put her on a leash and she let me. I was just trying my best to convince myself that she was only a pet and I didn’t care about her like I knew I did. I didn’t want to care about her as anything more than a pet. I was straight and I guess I didn’t want to find myself in a homosexual relationship, even though I was actually already in one,” Shego answered.

She had loved Kim for a long time, Shego realized. She had loved the girl long before she acknowledged or even realized it. Maybe it had not been a romantic love or an erotic love as it was now, but it was still something that she had never experienced before. It was a love that seemed to make her life as it should be, as it needed to be.

“So, you don’t treat her like a dog?” the redhead asked in a hopeful tone.

The raven-haired woman thought on that for a moment. She would not say that she treated Kim like a dog, even though she still had the girl do some rather ridiculous things for her own amusement. She supposed that she used to treat Kim something like a dog. She had recently had the experience of being treated how she treated Kim, so she guessed that she had treated Kim like a pet. She just did not think that she treated Kim badly.

“I used to treat Kim like what she was and she was my pet,” the pale woman answered. She did not want to go into detail, as she already felt like she spilled a lot to a woman that did not even like her, more than she had told anyone aside for Kim and Betty. She just wanted the doctor to know that Kim was in good hands so that she did not try to take Kim away.

“And now?” Ann pressed.

Shego thought on that now and she subconsciously began petting Kim, who turned in her sleep and cuddled up close to her mistress. The girl went so far as to wrap her arms around her mistress’ waist, but she remained asleep. Kim had gone out into the woods surrounding the manor after they left the pool and it was pretty much all over for her. Shego was glad that she had not gone out with the little redhead, but she imagined that Kim climbed every tree she saw, got excited over anything that moved, and explored anything that she could at least fit her hand in. It still amazed her at how Kim could wear herself if left on her own.

“Does she do that often?” Ann had to ask. She was referring to Kim sleeping in Shego’s lap.

“All the time,” the green-skinned female answered.

Ann could not believe it. First of all, she could not remember Kim taking naps, ever. Even when Kim was a toddler, she was wired and did not seem to believe in sleep. Kim was a mover and also independent to a fault, so it was shocking to see her so comfortably resting on someone as she was. Did Kim feel so at ease with Shego to act so differently with her?

“Look, Missus Possible, I know you don’t like me. You’re not the first person and I doubt you’ll be the last to think I’m an asshole,” Shego started.

“I never—” Ann tried to argue, but the pale woman interjected.

“I know you think I either brainwashed Kimmie or she’s just gone off the deep end. I really don’t know what to tell you—” Shego tried to say.

“Just tell me that you see her as a person and not an animal. Tell me you’ll take the best care of her, that you love her, and that she’s not your pet, but your lover,” Ann urged the officer.

The neurosurgeon wanted to know that her daughter was with someone that would cherish her forever and love her unconditionally. She wanted to know that Shego understood how special Kim was and how deserving the girl was of deep, sincere love. Kim needed someone that understood her and loved her.

“Doc, you don’t have to worry about your daughter while she’s with me. Just trust her choices,” Shego said.

Ann sighed because it seemed that she was not going to get what she wanted from Shego. She wanted the green-skinned woman to proclaim that she loved Kim and always would, but that was obviously not going to happen. Little did she know, but she had already gotten more out of the pale woman than anyone else did. She just wanted some assurance that her daughter was with someone who truly cared about her and would take care of her. She wanted Kim to be with someone who understood her. After all, she had noticed that her daughter had her problems when it came to relationships.

Ann noticed that Kim hardly spoke about having partners or if she did bring someone up, that person was a memory shortly after. Kim had once explained that she probably was not meant to be with anyone. Ann thought that her daughter had been joking, but Kim continued on explaining that it was hard for her to find someone willing to put up with her. Ann had not understood what Kim meant, but she forgot that she was used to her daughter. She forgot that Kim was not the average girl-next-door and maybe that did make things hard for her.

She glanced at Shego and wondered, did Kim settle for Shego or did the pale woman truly understand and accept Kim? Was Shego being sincere in her affections or was she really just happy to have a little human pet? She was not sure and was not sure that if she asked she would get a straight answer.

“Did she make the right choice?” Ann wondered and she stared at her daughter instead of asking out loud.

Kim was still knocked out and she snuggling her face in Shego’s abdomen. The pale woman smiled softly to herself; if she had been aware of her expression, she would have wiped it off of her face since they had company. They did not look like master and pet.

The neurosurgeon got up and exited the den. She was going to think on Kim and Shego’s relationship. There had to be something about things that she was missing, she was certain of that. She was going to try to look at the situation with new eyes or maybe even speak with Isabel to figure out what was going on and help her understand why her daughter was with Shego.

Next time: Ann and James watch Shego interact with Kim. Will it help ease their feelings toward the relationship or just make them further disagree?

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