The Gods Must Be Laughing

Gag Eleven

Pain in the neck


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TITLE: Pain in the neck

AUTHOR: StarvingLunatic

DISCLAIMER: I don’t own these characters and I don’t own this premise.

SUMMARY: AU. The sequel to On a Short Leash. Shego and Kim continue their odd relationship. Still a weird sort of Kigo.

TYPE: Kim/Shego, Kim, Ron, Other, Friendship, Romance, Slash

RATING: US: R / DE: 16

Words: 4501

Shego caressing her pet.

My life is full of annoyances. Hey, I feed, clothe, and house one of my major annoyances and will continue to do so more than likely. Sometimes, I can just put up with the annoyances. It kind of depends on what I get out of it, I guess anyway. I know it sounds weird, but I mean, with my monster, I have to get something out of keeping her around because I keep her around. So, if I get something out of a bothersome creature, it seems that I will put up with it. Maybe there’s something wrong with me.

There was a knock at the door and Shego was confused for a moment. She thought that it might have been her pet; every now and then the busybody, hyperactive elf lost her keys and instead of doing something crazy, like coming in through the window, the kid actually knocked like a normal person would do. Well, once she had come through the window and it had gotten her yelled at since her mistress caught her doing it. The pale woman exited her bedroom and checked the sofa to see if her monster was home by some chance. Her munchkin was, in fact, out like a light on the sofa, looking like a corpse as she generally did when she napped.

Shego arched an eyebrow; well, who was at the door if her pet was sleeping in the apartment? She was fairly certain that it was not Betty; the one-eyed woman had a habit of calling like a decent person would do before coming over. She also had a habit for staying on the phone to talk about nothing while she was on route to the apartment until she got to the door. So, since she was not on the phone, the green-skinned woman was pretty sure that it was not her only friend at the door.

Well, who would come over without calling? She thought with a fright that it might be her mother. Her mother would just surprisingly show up at her apartment. She hoped that it was not her mother. She had seen enough of her mother to last a lifetime; she ignored the fact that she was banking on her mother’s reputation to keep her landlady off of her back if her own reputation was not good enough to do such a thing. Still, she hoped to the high heavens that her mommy was not at the door.

Well, who else was there, she asked herself. She hated to think that it was a certain blue moron since it was his calling card to show up without calling. She had broken up with him to get him out of her life and he was supposed to be far away in another state now, but he was a man that liked bad surprises in her opinion. If it was him, she was going to crack his skull.

The apartment owner went to the door and looked through the peek-hole to see who it was that was bugging her. “Junior?” she gasped because of her shock. She opened the door and there he was.

“Hey, there, pretty lady,” Junior greeted her with a smile. He flashed his perfect teeth, which seemed to sparkle in the light. He looked just as she remembered him; a big pretty boy. His muscular torso, handsome face, and hair full of product, all the marks of a pretty boy. His clothing was his usual plain yellow shirt and black pants, but it was easy to see that they were made of the best materials.

“What’s going on? What are you doing here?” Shego inquired, keeping her voice very low to avoid waking her resting pet. She did want to know what in the hell Junior was doing at her doorstep, though. It was not like she really wanted to see him.

“I missed you. I figured that you missed me too. So, how about we go out?” he suggested, still smiling his perfect smile. It was as if he bought the smile at an expensive store and wanted to show it off.

“Um … I can’t,” Shego answered while wondering how his logic worked. She had forgotten that he was alive once Betty stopped bothering her about trying to get some more money out of the chimp. She did not see any need to remember him.

“No? Is it your dog? Is he sick again?” the sapphire-eyed young man asked with some concern in his voice. He did like her dog, even though the creature did not seem to like him.

“No,” she stated bluntly. She could not believe that he remembered that lie about her having a dog and him being sick. It had almost been a year since he had been at her home, so she did not see the point in him recollecting such a thing.

“Then you should come out. We could have the good time together. We could have a lot of fun, no? Go get dressed. We can have much fun together, yes?” he pointed out in his own special way.

Shego glanced back at the living room and rubbed the top of her head to show that she was thinking the offer over. It would be nice to go out to a club or two. She had not been out in a while and she had not been to a good club in an even longer time. Did she really want to go out with Junior, though? He was a bore in a way and annoyingly stupid, but he did know how to party; she would give the ebony-haired young man that little tidbit of credit.

“So, come on. We can do much dancing,” Junior suggested and he wiggled his hips a bit as if he was trying to entice her.

“Well…” Shego hesitated; maybe his movements actually worked. She was seriously considering taking him up on his offer.

“And I know a great restaurant. We can eat some fine foods,” he continued. He had a long list of things that he planned to name if he could not bait her into joining him. He figured that he would stand there until he came across something that she wanted to do.

Shego considered that a free meal and some partying would do her good. How could she pass that up anyway? It involved free, probably expensive food. Sure, Junior was irksome, but a little alcohol would probably clear that flaw up; she was not sure which of them would need the alcohol more, but it would undoubtedly help. Besides, all she had to do was be in his company for a couple of hours and then they could part ways. Yeah, that sounded about right and it sounded doable.

“Give me a second to go put on some clothes,” Shego informed him.

“All right,” he replied with an extra-big smile.

The pale woman ushered Junior into the apartment and then she shut the door behind him. She made her way back to her bedroom, glancing into the living room for a quick moment. Her pet was still unconscious on the couch. She hoped that the girl stayed that way for a few more minutes or she would have to deal with a lot of whining from the redhead that she just did not want to hear. Her prayer was answered and she managed to exit the apartment without her little monster waking up.

“We will have a good time, no?” Junior asked with a smile.

“That’s why I’m going,” Shego replied while walking out of the door with him. All she wanted to do was have some fun and she knew that was pretty much all Junior was about. Some drinking, some dancing, and then she would return home.

Kim yawned as she turned over, forgetting that she was on the sofa. She fell off of the couch, which woke her completely up. Damn the law of gravity and all of its wickedness, she thought. She sat up and yawned again. Her stomach growled as soon as she finished yawning, so she whined very loudly for her mistress. It was Shego’s responsibility to feed her, after all. She was a bit bemused when she did not get an answer; she did not even get yelled at for whining at sound a high volume.

“Shego?” Kim called again, sounding more puzzled than whiny. She stood up and stretched while waiting for an answer that did not come.

The redhead searched the apartment for her master and found that she was all alone. She shrugged it off and wandered into the kitchen, figuring that it was all right to show a little independence since her owner was not around. She scanned the cabinets for something quick to prepare, but there was not much. She wished that Shego would just buy some instant noodles every once and while for emergencies like now. She decided to make a sandwich since that was the quickest thing that she could prepare with the items in the kitchen.

Kim did wonder where her master had gone off too. She figured that Shego might have been called off for some emergency at work, which happened from time to time, even though she did not recall hearing the phone ring. Usually, the phone sounding so awful and offending to her ears, when it rang, it woke her up all of the time and if she was a lesser soul, it would cause her to duck for cover. So, she figured that if the phone rang, she would have known immediately. Ah well, she nonchalantly conceded; it was not her business as a pet to know where her mistress was.

She ate her sandwich and waited patiently for her master to return, like a good little pet would. She had been trying to be a slightly good pet ever since it was silently decided that she was only a pet. If she was only a pet, she would be the best pet that she could possibly be … most of the time anyway. And, even when she was naughty, it was mostly to keep her mistress on her toes, like any pet would do.

By midnight, Kim was a bit bewildered. Where in the world was her master? Should she continue to wait like a good pet, even though it would upset her owner to come in and find her awake? Should she go to bed like she knew her mistress would want her to do? She was not sure, but she stayed up in the end. She wanted to be there to greet her master at the door.

Kim sat at the front door like a lonely puppy and when it finally opened, she grinned. Shego entered the apartment and Kim was on her in a flash. The pale woman grunted, not expecting the ambush for once. She petted her girl on the head as she pushed the front door closed.

“What are you still doing up?” Shego asked in a low voice and the petite hero could smell some liquor on her mistress’ breath. She wondered if the older woman was drunk again.

“Waiting for you,” Kim answered honestly.

The moss-hued woman smiled a little bit. She supposed that she was lucky to have such a bothersome, but loving creature to come home to. How many people could go out and party and then come home to a warm, loving, and annoying hug? How many people had someone willing to wait up until the morning for them until they came in? She was not sure, but she was glad that she had someone.

“Come on, bedtime,” Shego said to her pet.

Kim nodded; she guessed that her owner was not very intoxicated. She figured that the raven-haired woman just went out and had a good time. She wished that the officer had woken her up and let her tag along. Ah well, she yielded once again; she was only a pet, after all.

(New day)

Junior was about to knock on the apartment door when he was halted by a woman seemingly coming out of nowhere. He knew that he had not seen her in the hall when he came up from the stairs, but she was suddenly there when he got to Shego’s apartment door. He turned around after she greeted him. He was face to face with Shego’s landlady, Anita Crocket; not that he was aware of that fact.

“Hello, sir,” Miss Crocket greeted the young man. She was, of course, very curious as to whom the young man was and what he was doing outside of that particular apartment.

“Um…hello to you too,” Junior replied as if he was confused, which he might have been considering he was who he was.

“I’m Anita Crocket. I’m the landlord. So, do you know Shego or Kim?” she asked curiously. She made sure to be as polite as possible when requesting the information, hoping that the handsome young man would give her some leads as to what those two were to each other. She wondered which one of them he was going to see and what his relationship was to the one that he was going to see. There had to be someway for him to shed light on the mystery involving that pair.

“I know them both,” he answered honestly, not seeing the harm in revealing such facts. After all, he was unaware of what the blue-eyed female wanted.

Miss Crocket raised an elegant eyebrow for a moment and wondered if something even more perverse was going on than what she had been told was going on. What if Kim was more than just Shego’s sex slave? What if Shego rented the girl out? Then that was prostitution, which just added to the perversion. She definitely would not stand for any of that in her building. She would have to do something about them if prostitution was really case; she was, in fact, already trying to do something about the green-skinned officer.

“Oh, so which of them are you going to see?” the Texan asked since Junior seemed willing to give up information easily.

“I am going to see Shego. I am to take her out tonight,” he answered honestly once again. He sounded rather proud that he was going to take the raven-haired female out.

“Oh, so you’re dating her?” Miss Crocket guessed. There was the chance, a very slim chance that Shego was straight and her only real flaw was the fact that a rabid wolverine was friendlier than she was.

“Yes, I am,” he answered without hesitating in any way. It would be a big surprise to Shego to know such a thing.

“And what about Kim?” Miss Crocket asked, hoping to trick him into revealing something more sinister going on.

“What about Kim?” he countered in a confused tone. He did not see what Shego’s little cousin had to do with the fact that he was dating Shego; he did not see what her little cousin had to do with anything at all. He had not even seen the redhead and he had been to the apartment a few times already. It seemed that she was either out every time that he came to pick Shego up, or he considered, she might no longer live with the super-powered woman.

“Oh, nothing,” Miss Crocket replied when she saw that he was genuinely perplexed by the inquiry. “She’s a very sweet girl,” she commented in a rather absent tone. She actually did not like Kim just as much as she disliked Shego.

In her opinion, the redhead was wild. She was always in and out of the building at all hours of the day. She often tried to bring wild animals into the apartment, but thankfully, Shego always made her get rid of them posthaste. She ripped and ran around like a hyperactive monkey and never seemed to have something to show for all of her activity.

“I suppose,” Junior agreed with her that Kim was a sweet kid. He did not really know the petite scientist that well, but what he remembered about her, he liked. It had been a long time, a few months shy of a whole year, since he had spoken with her and that was only for a few hours.

“You don’t like her?” the building owner inquired because of his response, which lacked any sort of substance. She thought that he might not like her for certain reasons that might prove the rumors true.

“Oh, no, I do like her. She is a nice girl. I think she is very nice,” he insisted. He did not want to say anything that might be seen as bad about Shego’s cousin right outside of her apartment door; she might overhear and get angry with him, he considered. The last thing that he wanted to do was upset her.

“Oh, well, let me let you go. It was nice speaking to you,” she said.

“All right. Goodbye.”

Miss Crocket decided to walk away before Shego came to the door and saw her. She was not sure how the pale woman would react to seeing her speak with her boyfriend, but the blue-eyed woman doubted that she would react well. She wondered if the rumors possibly were not true. Shego had a boyfriend; he did seem a little light in the head and he also seemed a little young for her, but she had a boyfriend. He knew about Kim and did not seem to think very negative things about her, but he did not seem too thrilled about her either. But, he did not seem adverse to her in any way.

So, maybe Kim was just an innocent little college student with an odd fashion sense. But, that did not explain her very strange hours; Miss Crocket did not understand why Kim dashed in and out of the building so often and sometimes very late. Sometimes, the slender hero did find herself running out of the apartment at like four in the morning; hey, it was not four in the morning all over the world. But then again, it was four in the morning there and Kim figured that most people would be asleep by that time.

“Ready to boogie, pretty lady?” Junior asked Shego as he entered her apartment.

“You know I am,” she replied.

If Junior did not know anything else, he knew how to have a good time and the moss-hued female did not mind hanging around him, provided that he did not talk too much. He could get into the best clubs without any problem, into the best restaurants with little more than a word, and he actually knew how to show a girl a decent time. She had been around worse guys, so she could stand him for a little while.

“Hey, I was wondering, whatever happened to your pretty little cousin?” the sapphire-eyed male inquired.

“My cousin?” Shego echoed.

“Yes, Kim. The one that your dog really liked. What happened to her?” he asked curiously.

“Oh, Kimmie. She’s around like always,” she replied dismissively. She did not really want to talk about her pet; she just wanted to go out and act wild for a few hours.

“So, she is still staying with you?” he inquired.

“Yes,” the pale woman answered.

“Ah, then where is she now?”

“Good question with her,” the green-skinned female remarked.

Her pet had practically flown out of the apartment, panicking that she was going to be late. She had kissed her mistress goodbye, as that was her habit, while asking for bus fare, but she never did make it clear as to what she was late for. All Shego could guess was that it was something that was at least in the city since her monster required bus fare, but she was not sure what was going on that her pet might have been involved in. It was too late for her to have class. She also ruled out her girl having a mission for the simple fact that she had been going on about being late and missions did not have specific, arranged time frames for her to be late when going on a mission.

“Is it possible that I will see her soon?” Junior inquired.

“Maybe, maybe not,” Shego answered evasively. She realized now that she had been sort of hiding Junior from Kim, even though all she was doing was hanging out with him and really, as a pet, it was none of Kim’s business who she was around since she was the one in charge. She had not brought him up to the redhead in any way, though and she did not invite him around if her munchkin was around. She decided against rationalizing such behavior to herself because she had a feeling that she would not like the results her mind came up with.

“And what about your dog?” Junior asked. He would have liked to see her dog again and hoped that the creature did not still hold some unknown grudge against him.

“Yeah, he died,” Shego lied. She just wanted to get going to the club and Junior was suddenly so interested in playing twenty questions. He was really starting to irk her and the night had not even begun.

“He died?” Junior gasped in shock. “You must be so sad,” he commented.

“Ah, it happened a while back,” she replied dismissively. She noted that she was going to have to stop lying about her pet because people were just too curious. She had already killed off an imaginary cat and a dog that was not hers to explain why her apartment was animal-free. Maybe she should just tell the truth and see how people reacted to that, she considered as a joke. “Come on, let’s get going,” she urged him and she pulled the muscular male out of the apartment.

She really just did not want to talk with Junior. If she wanted a conversation, she would stay home and call Betty or wait for her pet to come back in. She wanted to go party and that was what Junior was good for; it was probably the only thing that he was good for. She just wanted to have a wild, good time. She felt like she deserved it. Hey, she was free, so she could do whatever she wanted to without any consequences, as far as she was concerned anyway.

Shego entered the apartment, giggling slightly. Junior was behind her, his face was buried deep in her neck. She laughed a bit more and pushed him away slightly, complaining that he was tickling her. He still came back for more.

“Stop, Junior,” she hissed a bit, but she was speaking in a very playful tone.

“You taste like mint,” he noted with his face still embedded in her neck.

The emerald-eyed woman laughed a bit more and she pried his head away from her flesh. He smiled a bit; it was a slightly lopsided expression. She smiled too; it was an equally off-balance expression. He then leaned in and kissed her.

Shego did not move as his lips descended gently onto hers. As the kiss deepened like the ocean, she held onto to his thick, muscular arm while his hand made its way to her rear; she was wearing a short skirt and no stockings. He began to knead the handful of scandalous flesh that he was holding onto. She moaned into his mouth. He was good with his hands, she silently noted in the haze of everything.

“Shego, does this skirt unbutton or zip?” he asked in a puzzled tone. He was obviously attempting to get her out of her clothes, but he had no idea how to do that. Her outfit was like a riddle he could not solve.

“Unbutton,” Shego answered and then she realized what he was planning to do. “Wait, Junior,” she halted him.

“What?” he asked curiously.

“I don’t have time for this,” she replied. There were a million of things that she could have said, but her cloudy mind opted for that one. Well, she would take it and run with it. At least her mind had come up with something.

“No?” he inquired in a bewildered and disappointed tone.

“No, I’ve to got get up for work in three hours,” she informed him and that was the solid truth.

“Oh. Some other time then. I’ll let you go to bed,” he replied, as if he had a choice.

She nodded and he leaned down to kiss her again; she did not move. When the embrace was done, Shego then let him out; he did not put up a fight over having to leave. The pale woman then went to her bedroom and eased onto the bed. She was so worn out that she barely noticed that her impish brat was not in the bed.

Kim was in the loft. She did not really sleep up there anymore, sharing her master’s bed practically every night, but she did do school work up there because it was a place that she could clutter as she saw fit. She could not look at her books anymore, not at the moment anyway.

The redhead could actually barely breathe anymore, not after what she had just witnessed. Her mistress had had her tongue in Junior’s mouth and Junior had his tongue down her throat. He had been cupping her master’s bare ass. Kim felt like she was going to throw up.

Okay, the slender hero tried to calm herself down. She knew that something like that was going to happen, she reminded herself. She knew that eventually her owner was going to go out and get another boyfriend because Shego just was not attracted to her it seemed. But, Junior? Come on, Junior! He was nothing more than a pretty face, nice body, and an empty skull. His head probably had a damn echo! He would never be able to make her master feel a fraction of the way that she could.

Junior was nothing more than the next person that was going to leech off of her hard work, Kim’s mind pointed out. She was the one that relaxed Shego, that calmed her down, that made her feel up to dealing with people beyond a professional level, and Junior was going to reap the benefits. It just was not fair, Kim silently lamented. Apparently, that was going to be her new motto through out her private life, the redhead realized. As long as she stayed with her mistress, life would never be fair. So, life would never be fair.

Next time: Shego continues to hang out with Junior and Kim doesn’t take it too well.

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