The Gods Must Be Laughing

Gag Seven



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TITLE: Misstep

AUTHOR: StarvingLunatic

DISCLAIMER: I don’t own these characters and I don’t own this premise.

SUMMARY: AU. The sequel to On a Short Leash. Shego and Kim continue their odd relationship. Still a weird sort of Kigo.

TYPE: Kim/Shego, Kim, Ron, Other, Friendship, Romance, Slash

RATING: US: R / DE: 16

Words: 5130

Shego caressing her pet.

I know I can do this. I just need to focus on what I’m doing and not think about it. She wants it and I’m pretty sure I want it. She tastes so good, better than any other person I’ve ever kissed. I know I can do this. I just need to keep going.

All Kim could do was plead in her mind for her mistress to not stop; Shego was kissing Kim deeply and passionately. The redhead was hoping for more, especially since they were already in bed. She was starting to believe that she needed more. She wanted it so badly that she did require it. She needed it or she would go out of her mind, and considering most of the things that she did already, she was already halfway insane. So, for her mind’s sake, Shego had better not stop.

Shego was certain that she could take Kim and go all the way to where they both wanted to be. The fact that they both desired it was a driving factor. Well, Shego was almost certain that she wanted to do Kim. Almost being the keyword. Some part of her made it seem like she was forcing things and maybe her feelings for Kim did not involve wanting a sexual relationship. She tried her best to ignore that feeling because everything felt so good that the idea that she could not want it was almost ludicrous.

The pale woman continued kissing the petite hero. It was as delightful as always, which was why the older female believed that having a sexual relationship with Kim was the right thing to do; it seemed so logical to her. She just had to go with it and as soon as that entered her mind, she started thinking about things. She was beginning to wonder just where to commence the operation and what she should do once she figured that much out. Soon, she could not even concentrate on the kiss anymore because she was so wrapped up in thinking about things and getting ahead of herself.

Kim almost immediately noticed the change in their heated embrace; it seemed to be cooling down quickly. The redhead figured that something might be wrong. She did not want things to end up like the first time; she was not sure if she could take such a thing a second time. She just could not be so close yet so far away again. She needed the intimacy; they both needed it.

The impish adventurer moved and began pulling at her owner’s pajama shirt. One hand continued lifting off the tank-top while the other hand eagerly went after what the shirt was hiding from her. She wanted that secret to be hers. She caught the mound under the shirt in her hand as if was made of a precious liquid that she did not wish to lose. She cupped the flesh and felt for the capper of the whole treasure. She felt the gem bloom under her touch and then the next thing she knew, her hand was being removed.

“Son of a…” Kim bit back the rest of her swear, but her words broke the kiss that she was engaged in with the moss-hued female.

“Don’t,” Shego ordered.

“What?” Kim asked in a confused tone.

The super-powered woman was not too sure how to answer that question because she did not even know what she meant by the command. Did she not want Kim to touch her? How could they have sex if she did not want Kim to touch her? It just could not happen, right? She was not sure what she meant and Kim threw off her thoughts by licking the older woman’s lip. Shego pulled back because she was caught off guard, which bothered her even more than her thoughts.

“Please,” the younger female begged because she could just sense that Shego was about to halt.

“Go to bed, Princess,” Shego said and she flipped onto her side of the bed.

The slender redhead whimpered loudly. No! Oh, dear, sweet, merciful God, no. She desired, needed things to keep going. Why did Shego keep stopping? What was wrong? Why did the pale woman seem to be put off by her touch, Kim wondered. Was that the problem? Shego did not like being touched by her? The eccentric hero hoped that was not the case or she was never going to get what she wanted. Soon, she figured, she might just be left to gratify herself and pretend it was Shego. That was not a pleasing thought, especially when Shego was right there.

The green-skinned woman attempted to not think about what just happened. There was something wrong and she was not sure what it was. The first time, it had been looking into Kim’s eyes and now it was the sound of her pleading for things to continue. It was so strange and she could not figure out what it was. It did not help matters that she kept thinking about things before she even got to them.

Something or things were holding Shego back. Something was keeping her from doing what she was so certain they both wanted. What was the problem? She was not sure. Maybe there were several problems, but she tried not to consider them because she had enough on her mind as it was. She frowned to herself; she was sick of thinking altogether because she always had a load of things on her brain.

Kim woke up before Shego the next morning. Hell, she almost woke up before the sun that morning. She just needed to get up and do something; her body was demanding that she just move around somewhere. It was all right since she could not really sleep, so doing something sounded like a very good idea. She got dressed in some plain black shorts and a red tank-top. She exited the hotel suite, making sure not to wake up her sleeping master.

The redhead was not sure where she was going at first, but she ended up returning to the caves along the beach that she walked on last night with Shego. She remembered back when she had came to the island a while ago and the village that she visited, the people told her about the caves. They said that whoever visited the caves would have something amazing happen to them and whoever entered the caves would have their best dreams come true, if they made it out alive anyway. They had made Kim curious to say the least and, even though she was not very superstitious, but she was willing to try anything once. Besides, it would not hurt to check the place out; she did need something to do, after all. Exploring a place that she had never been should help take her mind off of things.

The eager adventurer entered the caves without a care in the world, not thinking about how dangerous it might be. She had been in plenty of caves in her lifetime; sometimes for leisure and other times for business. She did not mind caves; she liked to investigate things. It should help clear her mind, especially if there were all sorts of critters roaming around in the cavern.

“I wonder what kinds of animals they have tucked away in here,” Kim commented to the air as she looked around.

It was dark in the cave, but that was to be expected. What was not expected was that the cavern floor slopped almost instantly and the elfish redhead nearly fell right on her face because of that. She steadied herself before she pulled out her Kimmunicator and used the flashlight feature on the device. She looked up at the ceiling and wondered why there were no bats or something, but she decided not to think about it. She did notice that there were plenty of rodents scurrying around her feet, so she considered that there might be larger animals in the cave feeding on the rodents.

“Come on, there has to be something in here,” the hero muttered as she continued on further into the dark grotto. Nothing too interesting had caught her eye yet.

Kim would feel cheated if nothing was in there. She would just be exploring nothing then and it would not take her mind off of last night. Was she so repulsive that Shego could not even go further than kissing her? Maybe it was a cruel joke; the universe was infamous for pranks that just were not very funny, but then again a prank never was funny for the person that it was happening to. The prank seemed to be that she would fall deeply in love with the one person on the planet that just wanted her as a pet and she would, of course, want that person to screw her mindless, but that person did just want her as a pet. She was just a pet; a pet that was not getting any. It was a strange, almost vexing existence.

Okay, maybe, just maybe Ron and the others were right; hey, it could happen that Ron was right every now and then. Maybe she was sexually frustrated, she considered. It was not something that she had ever experienced before and she decidedly did not like it much. It felt like she was itching, but there was no plausible way for her to scratch. It was clawing at the back of her mind, just out of reach, and her body was begging for something that she could not provide. It was like being in the desert with no water, but continuously seeing a detailed mirage of an oasis that was just out of reach anyway.

She tried her best not to think about the things that she desired to do to Shego or the things that she would like done to her. She only wanted to show her love in a physical manner, like everyone else on the planet when it comes to such emotions. She wanted to do something normal in that sense. It was normal to want to be intimate with the person that she cared so intensely for. It was normal, her mind chanted.

Kim was so focused on her thoughts that she was not paying too much attention to the cave floor and how the slope took off sharply. She tripped on a rock and fell off balance. She yelped as she tumbled down the slant and right off the side of a chasm. She reached out for the edge of the rock face and held on tightly while putting her Kimmunicator away to free up her other hand. She panted as she tried pulling herself up, but the rocks that she was gripping gave way and she ended up plummeting.

The petite hero did not panic as she fell because she had the one thing that she never left home with her, her faithful grappling hook. She shot the hook and caught onto a stalagmite, which, unfortunately for her, did not hold for very long. It seemed that all the rocks in the cave were against her as she continued to descend. She crashed on a plateau and banged her wrist on a large stone, which caused her to drop her grappling gun and cry out in pain.

“Oh, come on. This is so uncool,” Kim quietly complained as she watched her fastest means of escape fall off the side of the ledge that she had landed on and she never even heard it hit the ground.

Damn the Fates, the young woman thought heatedly as she climbed to her feet. She looked up to gauge how far she would have to climb; it seemed to be thirty feet at the most. She could do that in her sleep, she believed. She began to scale the cliff side and barely made it a few inches up the rock face. She winced as she let go and fell back onto the platform. The wrist that she had just smashed was sore and not up to supporting her weight at the moment.

“Better call Wade for some help,” the redhead decided with a sigh. She was going to loathe having that conversation. She had just been in a series of goofy accidents after all, in her opinion anyway.

The olive-eyed adventurer then found out that she was not going to be having that conversation at all. She had landed on her Kimmunicator, cracking it and rendering it useless for the time being. She groaned; so much for all that dumb skill and dumb luck. Well, at least she did not break a bone, she thought, to look on the bright side of things. Yeah, things definitely could have been worse.

“What a day to leave my backpack at the hotel room,” she sighed.

Shego woke up and glanced to her side because something did not feel right. She was alone and that was what did not feel right. She did not think anything of it, figuring her little monster might have gotten up in search of junk food or something else just as silly. She got out of bed and got dressed. She then looked around the room for her pet, but discovered that the girl was nowhere to be found.

“Well, she’ll just miss out on breakfast,” Shego said with a shrug and she went down to the buffet for breakfast.

The pale woman could not believe that her bottomless pit of a pet had missed out on an ‘all you can eat’ buffet. She felt like she could eat a whole cow herself, which was odd. She did not think about it at the time, but she often ate more when she wanted to smoke, but she was once again trying to really quit smoking. She did not think that she should ever feel the need for a cigarette again, but there she was eating enough for three people because she did not have a cigarette. By the time she realized what she was doing, she was on her fifth piece of French toast.

“Why the hell am I eating so much?” the raven-haired woman asked herself as she dragged herself from the table.

Shego recognized her desire to have a cigarette, but she refused to do that. She did wonder why she wanted to smoke. She tried not to think about it as she returned to the suite, thinking that her elf might be back.

The room was still devoid of her pet. Shego did not really know what to think. Her girl could have just gone outside because she was such a hyperactive brat once she was outside of the apartment. But, her troublesome pest could be lost somewhere like the little nitwit she was. Shego checked her phone to see if she missed any calls from her brat, but she did not get any calls. She sighed.

“Should I call this nut to find out where she is? Might as well. I don’t want her to miss lunch too,” Shego commented and she called her pet, but she found out that the call was not going through. Odd, she thought.

Where in the hell was her brain-dead munchkin, the emerald-eyed woman wondered. She considered that her girl might have been called on a mission, but that would not explain why her call was not going through. She tried again, but she did not get her pet. She pondered what her pet might be up to, but nothing was coming to mind.

“Okay, fine,” Shego sighed.

The green-skinned female exited the hotel to go search for her missing scamp. She was not sure where to start looking, especially since Kim was vaguely familiar with the island. The redhead could be exploring like she did with those stupid caves, Shego considered. Oh, yeah, the caves; that would be a good place to start since her girl had been so interested in them.

Shego easily made her way back to the rock formation, only being slowed up by some guys hitting on her. She did not have any time for them and she made sure they understood that by flinging them out of her path. She sucked her teeth as she made it to the caverns that her loony monster had been so fascinated by. She looked around as she entered the cave and she frowned; she was going to be extremely pissed if her girl was not in the grotto or if she was in there, but just looking around without a care in the world. In short, she was going to be pissed no matter what.

“I’ll beat that damn kid bloody if she’s in here just fooling around,” Shego commented as she ignited one hand to light her way in the dark cavern. “Pumpkin, you in here? Pumpkin?” the raven-haired female called as she stepped deeper into the cave. “Princess, if you’re not in here, I’m kicking your ass and if you’re in here, I’m still kicking your ass,” she informed the air.

The pale woman continued to call for her pet while walking further into the cave. She frowned, getting angrier by the second with what was going on; namely, the fact that she was wandering around in a filthy, moist cave that her pet might or might not be in. She was to just slap that kid the moment that she saw her just for having her in the smelly cavern. It did not help matters that the place smelled like fish of all things.

“Pumpkin?” Shego called again.

“Shego?” Kim thought that she heard her mistress’ voice.

“Pumpkin?” Shego called again and then she noticed how much the cave floor in front of her slopped. She barely avoided falling down the thing. “Damn it,” she grunted because she had been very close to tripping.

“Shego!” Kim cheered as she realized that she was not hearing things. Her master was actually in the cavern.

“Princess, where are you?” the older woman demanded to know, her annoyance coming out completely in her tone. Oh, that kid was going to get it the moment that she saw her.

“Um…” the redhead muttered. “… I’m over the edge,” she admitted.

“What the fuck do you mean?” Shego asked in a confused voice as she carefully made her way to the edge of the cliff. She peered over the side and saw an outline of her pet, who offered her up a sheepish smile. The older woman sighed and pinched the bridge of her nose; what was she supposed to do with that kid?

“A little help?” the explorer requested in a slightly embarrassed tone.

“Dear lord, you are pathetic. Whatever happened to your handy, trusty grappling hook?” the officer inquired.

“I dropped it.” Kim confessed, still sounding rather awkward.

“You dropped it?” the elder female echoed as if she did not understand what her impish monster was going on about.

“Well…I banged my hand…” Kim tried to explain, but she trailed off. It was embarrassing enough that she was stuck in a hole, but to have to explain why that was, well, that was too much.

“And you dropped it. Why not climb up? It’s not so hard,” Shego pointed out.

Kim laughed a bit. She would never admit what she was about to say to anyone else aside for her mistress. She would never utter anything that implied that she was silly, mindless, or incompetent. She definitely would never think to admit that she could not do something, except to Shego.

“My wrist hurts and I couldn’t make it up,” Kim disclosed the fact that she was injured.

Shego shook her head and smiled slightly. “You’re such a pitiful brat,” she commented.

Kim pouted a bit. “I guess…” she muttered an agreement.

Maybe that was why Shego would not make love to her, the redhead considered. The enchanting older woman saw her as a pathetic brat, a useless creature, too sorry to bother being intimate with. But, when she tried to step out of that role, not only did it irk her beloved master, but she found out that she was really partially that role. She had in a little way become that whiny pet for real. So, she was actually pathetic, she concluded.

“Hold on, I’ll come get you,” Shego stated.

Kim smiled, even though she did not feel much like smiling. It was nice to know that she would be rescued, but she should not need such a thing. She was so wretchedly incompetent and miserably feeble around Shego, who was the one person on the planet that she would love nothing more than to impress enough for the woman to see her as someone incredible. She wanted to make it seem like a worthwhile venture to sleep with her, not a chore that her owner made it seem. It was supposed to be an enjoyable, earth-shattering leap in their relationship, yet it seemed like anything but fun when Shego was trying.

“How’d you get down here?” Shego asked as she climbed down to her stranded girl. She moved with ease, like a spider on a wall.

“Tripped,” Kim simply answered.

“Am I going to have to put you back on a leash?” the irked officer remarked.

“No, ma’am.”

Shego noted the dejected tone and look that her pet was carrying. She wondered why the redhead appeared to be so disheartened. She shook it off, considering that her enthusiastic girl was just disappointed because she had not been able to fully explore the caves; it made sense to her.

“Let me see your wrist,” Shego ordered the second that she was standing next to Kim.

“It’s not broken,” Kim stated.

“I didn’t say it was. Let me see it.”

The petite adventurer sighed and she put out her injured wrist for her concerned master to inspect. Shego examined the right wrist of her pouting sprite. She touched the body part lightly to gauge how hurt the younger woman was; Kim hissed in pain from the contact.

“You’re going to have to take it easy on that hand for a little while. Do you think you can hold onto me while I climb back up?” Shego inquired.

“You’re going to climb with me on your back?” the olive-eyed female asked incredulously.

“Yeah. What do you weigh? You’re probably like a buck and a nickel soaking wet with bricks in your pockets,” the pale woman quipped.

“Well, something like that.”

“Yeah, that’s nothing,” Shego said with a scoff.


“Which one of us has super powers?” Shego pointed out.

“Right,” Kim concurred while nodding. She had forgotten that her mistress was stronger than the average person. She might not have super-strength, but she could pick Kim up with little difficulty.

The irked officer grabbed her injured pet and hooked her arms around her neck. Kim held on tightly while her owner started climbing. Kim even wrapped her legs around her master’s waist to make sure that she did not fall; the last thing she wanted to do was cause anymore trouble or do something else embarrassing. Shego glanced back at Kim, who still appeared to be crestfallen, but the elder woman did not say anything. When they came to the top, Kim wordlessly slid off of her mistress.

“How long were you down there?” Shego asked curiously. She thought that the time might have something to do with why her girl seemed so out of it.

“I don’t know. Probably a couple of hours,” Kim answered as if it was nothing. She had been planning to just rest there for a while for her wrist’s sake and then she was going to just bear the pain to scale the cliff and escape.

“What’s wrong with your thing? I was trying to call you,” Shego informed her munchkin. Had she answered her phone, then Shego would have known that she required help and been there much sooner.

“Oh…I landed on it,” the hero answered. She showed her broken communication device to her mistress. It was not so bad that she could not fix it, but she would need time and light. Not to mention her magnifying glass and that was back at home.

“You’re just on a roll today, huh? And it’s not even noon yet,” the pale woman pointed out with a small chuckle.

“I know,” Kim sighed.

“Come on, we need to get you some breakfast.”

“It’s okay. I’m not really hungry,” the redhead objected.

“So what? You’re eating breakfast. It’s the most important meal of the day or some bullshit like that,” Shego stated.

The slender hero did not argue and just did as her master ordered. She was such a pathetic creature when around the older woman, she noted. She could understand why Shego did not want to sleep with her. She was just something to be cuddled, not someone to share a passionate night with. She was like a plush toy.

Kim eased out of bed, very careful to not bother her snoozing mistress. She went out onto the balcony of the hotel suite and sat down on one of the chairs. The night had not gone like last night; Shego had not even made an attempt on her. Kim had not bothered with trying anything because she suspected that it would truly anger the pale woman. There were not too many things that she could do that would actually upset Shego, but she had a feeling that initiating any serious sexual encounter between them would be one of the things on that short list that would get her into some real trouble with the older woman.

The olive-eyed hero glanced down at her wrist, which was bandaged. Shego had done the wrapping after she put ice on the injury, even though Kim could have been it herself. She just was not supposed to do it. She was a pet; it was what she signed up for. A pet did not bandage her own wounds when her mistress was right there to it for her. She was the pet and Shego was the mistress.

The redhead considered that she might have to just resign herself to her fate of being just a pet. It was not so bad to be a pet. She liked being around Shego, being taken care of by Shego, and bringing some joy to the woman, so it was a satisfying existence.

Unfortunately, being a pet like that was merely existing and not living if her feelings, her passion was going to be bottled up and put on a shelf, never to be thought about again. Well, at least her love would not be completely lost; she just would not be able to express it physically. She could still be emotionally supportive of her mistress, which she enjoyed and her master sorely needed. At least she still served a purpose and that was fulfilling.

“So, I’m always going to feel this pinned up, just under my skin itch? This dull burning that I can’t touch? Well, hello celibacy,” Kim sighed.

She was now a spayed pet in a way, she mentally remarked to make light of the situation. Well, it was just sex, she told herself. It was never really a big deal; she could always do without it. After all, there were plenty of things in life to do aside for coupling with her master. Yeah, it was so not the drama. She just would never have sex again. She wondered how many people would do that to be with the person that they loved.

Shego had been awake when Kim got out of bed. She did not say anything because she could tell that something was weighing on her little monster, something that the redhead obviously did not want to talk about. Since the elfish hero was so preoccupied mentally, Shego had decided to not try at being intimate again. She doubted that she would be able to do it anyway.

There was something about sleeping with Kim that did not seem to click in her mind, Shego noticed. It was odd, but it seemed like she just did not know what she was doing and she was certain that it could not be as hard as it seemed to her. It was not like it was something completely foreign to her; it was just sex without a penis. In her opinion that should have made things easier considering her past experiences. She should know exactly what to do; she should just do everything that she liked to Kim. It made sense in her head, but she could not put it into practice.

The moss-hued female just was not certain if she would be able to sleep with Kim. She considered that she just was not attracted to the petite redhead in that manner. Perhaps that was it. Maybe they were just where they needed to be without her forcing sex into their lives.

Whoa, her brain skidded to a halt as she realized the word that had just went through her mind. Forcing? Was that it? Was she forcing? It sounded like she was raping her pet if she put it that way, but she knew that it was what Kim wanted. But, somewhere in the back of her mind, she did feel like she was violating the little monster. After all, she kept getting distracted just by her girl moving, so she would try to make her be still. To just lie there and take it, it seemed. It just seemed wrong.

Shego sighed in a low tone; it really did just seem so wrong. She figured that it would just be best to abandon the notion of trying anything with her pet before she scarred herself. She would only make herself feel guiltier the more that she tried. Hell, what if she succeeded and it truly did feel like she raped the younger woman? To hell with that, she decided.

Well, it seemed that the vacation was not too much of a bust, as far as Shego was concerned. She had not accomplished what she set out to do, but she had come to a conclusion. That was good enough for the moment; it was better than being perplexed as to where they stood. Yeah, they would just be as they were and not try to move things to places that they did not seem to want to go.

Next time: the pair goes back home and back to their normal lives. Well, normal for them.

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