The Gods Must Be Laughing

Gag Twenty-three

Give and take


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TITLE: Give and take

AUTHOR: StarvingLunatic

DISCLAIMER: I don’t own these characters and I don’t own this premise.

SUMMARY: AU. The sequel to On a Short Leash. Shego and Kim continue their odd relationship. Still a weird sort of Kigo.

TYPE: Kim/Shego, Kim, Ron, Other, Friendship, Romance, Slash

RATING: US: R / DE: 16

Words: 4502

Shego caressing her pet.

I am going to kill that fucking brat once she gets in.She is just fucking dead when she comes in. What the hell is wrong with her? When somebody calls you, you should call them back, especially when I call someone and especially when I call her. Just what the hell is wrong with her? She’s driving me out of my fucking mind. Where the hell is she anyway? I am just going to crack her fucking skull when she gets in … well, after I make sure she’s all right. I mean, someone might have already gotten around to killing her and if that’s the case, I’ll fucking kill that person. Only I’m allowed to touch that brat.

Kim scratched the top of her head as she climbed the stairs in the condo complex. She was thinking about a good way to request that her mistress accompany her to her parents’ house for the Fourth of July cookout that they were holding. It did not seem like such a big thing to her, but she bet that it would be a struggle with her owner. Everything with Shego had to be some nonsensical struggle to make them both miserable over a matter of little importance or at least a matter that should not involve so many problems. It was odd how her mistress worked because matters of very trivial importance tended to be given in easily or completely off limits, like drinking soda after nine. Her master was always into the two extremes.

“I’m home,” Kim called as she entered the apartment; she had been out on a tiring, dangerous mission. She was actually late compared to when she usually came in; she tended to beat her mistress home. She hoped that she was not in any trouble for being so late.

“Damn it,” Shego huffed as she marched out into the front of the apartment to meet her pet. She was frowning something fierce and she thumped her troublesome brat in the nose as soon as she was within arm’s length.

“Ow!” the redhead whined as the blow landed and then the older woman suddenly embraced her.

“Why didn’t you call me back?” the taller woman demanded to know in a low, worried tone.

She had called Kim so many times while the scholar was out to make sure her munchkin was all right. She had called so many times because the first time that she had gotten into contact with Kim, she heard gunshots in the background and then her pet hastily bid her farewell. She had been so concerned, not that she would admit to such a thing aloud, but the hug did give it away. She actually wished that she could just be angry with her scatter-brained pet enough to hit the loopy brat, but she was so relieved that her nutty monster was all right that she just wanted to hold the kid.

“Sorry. I just figured that I should get home as soon as I could after everything was done,” the slender hero explained while returning the hug to assure her owner that she was completely fine. She liked the affection, but she hated to cause Shego such stress. After all, she was there to relieve stress, so not only was she not doing her job, but she was doing the reverse of her job when she caused her master distress.

The pale woman just held her pet close to her, even though she was going to reprimand the little imp for assuming something so mindless after gunshots could be heard while she was speaking with someone that cared about her. Shego wished that her rascal would know, like most normal people, to return a phone call if someone called her a dozen or so times, especially if the person heard gunshots in the first call. So, she just held her girl, cuddling her gently, like a plush toy.

Kim was starting to understand how very worried she had made her master. She thought that maybe it was just because she was so late home. She considered that the emerald-eyed woman might have thought that she was not going to come home because of that. She did not consider at all that it might be because there had been any kind of violent noise around her when Shego called; she had actually forgotten about that because it was so not the drama.

“Call me back the next time I call you,” Shego commanded and then she thumped Kim in the nose again. Her pet was like a heart attack waiting to happen for her with the way that she did things.

“Ow!” the petite scholar whined again. “Why do you keep doing that?” she inquired in a tearful tone while covering her precious, tiny nose to protect it from her vicious mistress. She was trying to seem as pathetic as possible to get her owner to stop hitting her in the nose.

“Because I can and you’re a bad girl,” the pale woman declared.

“No, I’m not!” the redhead objected as if she was truly offended in being told that she was bad. Well, actually, she did not appreciate being told that she was a bad girl. What devoted, loyal, loving pet would appreciate being told such a thing?

“Yes, you are. Now, go take a shower while I heat your dinner back up,” Shego commanded in a very firm tone. She was hoping to sate her desire to be angry with her girl by sounding so rigid.

“Yes, ma’am,” the hero pouted.

The slim scientist trotted off to do as she was ordered while mumbling that she was not a bad girl. Shego shook her head; her elf was definitely a piece of work. She hated to even think about how she felt when Kim did not return any of her calls after hanging up on the elder woman earlier that night. She had never felt such fear and panic in all of her life and she had been through quite a life.

The way that girl could just turn on her emotions was almost unnerving, but Shego was used to it now. She did not like it, but she was used to it. The only difference between now and in the past was that she acknowledged that Kim could make her feel such a way. She guessed that it was because she loved the little brat, if only a little bit.

A voice in the back of her head jokingly commented that it was annoying to love that crazy kid. Now, it was irksome to love Kim because it took a lot of energy because of the emotions that went into loving the girl. But, Shego quietly conceded that she would rather love Kim no matter how tiresome it was than anything else that she could think of. It just felt good to love her, even though it was troublesome too. Anything that was worth anything had its good and bad points and having her pet around was no different. Having her pet around had many more good points than bad points anyway.

“Shego,” Kim said in a low voice.

They were both supposed to be sleeping. Shego was resting on her back as usual and her pet was pressed against her side, laying her head on Shego’s shoulder rather than one of the three free pillows that were on the bed. It was how they usually slept.

“Why are you still up?” the raven-haired woman inquired in a slightly bothered tone, but also a curious tone. Was it that nothing ran out the kid’s batteries? A day of being shot at and hounded by thugs should be enough to make her mini-monster sleep throughout the night, or so she thought anyway. Instead, the kid was still awake and actually attempting to start a conversation.

“Can I ask you something?” the younger female requested.

“Can’t it wait till morning?” Shego countered.

“I guess,” the redhead conceded.

“So, let’s let it do that,” the older woman stated.

The olive-eyed girl sighed; she thought that if she caught Shego at an off moment, she could get her master to agree to go with her to her parents’ house or get herself yelled at. It all depended on what mood her owner was in. She would just wait until the morning now. She would not be able to catch the older woman off guard, but she did just want to get it out of the way and put the ball in Shego’s court so to speak. So, she brought it up at breakfast the next morning.

“Shego, do you have plans for this weekend?” Kim asked. She was sitting at the table while her master was wandering around in the kitchen.

“Not to my knowledge. Why?” Shego countered in a suspicious tone. She usually worked weekends, like Kim did, so she did wonder why her pet would ask her such a question. She was in the kitchen because she was attempting to find something that she wanted to eat for breakfast. She was not sure what she wanted, but in a moment, she figured that she was going to just have one of those breakfast shakes because that would be all that she had time for. She did not particularly like them, but it worked as a breakfast on-the-go.

“Do you want to go to my parents’ house for a barbeque?” the redhead inquired as if it was a normal thing to ask. Well, it was a normal thing to ask, which was probably why it was abnormal for her to ask.

“Your parents?” the pale female echoed as if she had never heard of such a thing.

The officer had no idea that her pet was in contact with her parents. She had actually assumed that there was bad blood between Kim and her parents because her parents had been pressuring her to do all sorts of things with her life that she did not wish to do a couple of years back. She had never seen her pet on the phone with her parents or anything like that. So, she really thought that the girl did not speak to them anymore. Shego guessed that she was wrong if her imp was planning to go to a cookout at their house.

“Yeah, my parents. Want to go?” Kim inquired one more time.

“Not really. I don’t need to meet your folks,” Shego replied sincerely. She did not see the point in meeting her pet’s parents. Hell, she did not even want to meet up with her own parents, so she really did not see the point in meeting with someone else’s, especially her pet’s parents.

“I guess, but it’s not really about meeting them. It’s just about being together, but if you don’t want to go, that’s all right,” the young woman yielded with little problem because she had expected that answer.

Shego nodded, thinking that the matter was closed. She was being honest; she did not want to meet Kim’s parents, mostly because it seemed like it would be awkward. She did not see the need to meet with her pet’s parents because who needed to meet her pet’s parents? It seemed to her that meeting Kim’s parents would imply that there was more to their relationship than master and pet, and even though there was much more to it than that, she still did not think that their relationship was deep enough to warrant her meeting some parents.

“I guess Ron can give me a ride,” the redheaded scientist commented, breaking her mistress out of her thoughts.

“For what?” Shego inquired.

“Well, I don’t have a car and he’s more than likely going to go. I mean, it is free food and everything and he just bought a car. I figure he could take me with him,” the scholar explained with a shrug.

The green-skinned female frowned; it seemed that her monster was planning to go whether she went with the kid or not. She did not like the idea of her pet being alone in a car with a boy, even if he was her best friend and even if they probably would not be alone since the boy did have a long term sweetheart. Shego disregarded the very relevant facts of the matter and just considered that her girl would be in the car with a boy for a trip that lasted for hours. She did not like that one bit.

“I could get you a plane ticket,” Shego offered in a thoughtful tone as soon as the plan entered her mind. Her pet undoubtedly would prefer a quick flight over a long drive. Everyone would prefer that, right?

“To go to Middleton? Don’t bother with it. I’d rather go with Ron anyway,” Kim replied casually, causing her mistress’ scowl to deepen. The scientist was obviously missing the whole point of the proposal.

“How long is this thing?” Shego inquired now that she remembered her pet was not a normal human being, so normal suggestions were powerless against her.

“Well, I want to go for the whole weekend. I haven’t seen my family for a long time and Ron’s got free time to spare since he graduated. He’ll probably want to see his folks too. So, we might stay a few days if it’s cool with him since he’ll be the driver,” the younger woman answered.

“This went from a weekend to a vague few days in four sentences,” the super-powered officer pointed out. She hated to think how the time scale might jump if Kim was left alone to decide on it, especially away from home. It did not help matters that she knew her munchkin was not very good when it came to keeping track of time; her pet might accidentally be gone for a week or more and not even realize it.

Kim grinned like a cookie-stealing imp. “Well, I guess now I’m just getting ahead of myself, especially since I don’t even have a ride yet. I guess I’ll call Ron later and see how many days he has to spare,” she mused aloud, unwittingly causing her mistress all sorts of pressure and stress, which was in turn making Shego reconsider her initial stance on the matter.

“Days?” Shego echoed.

The pale woman had several problems with Kim being gone for days with some boy, even if that boy was Ron. Her major concern was that Kim would be out with some boy and who knew what could happen between them. What if Ron tried to take advantage of Kim? Yes, she knew how ridiculous and highly unlikely it was, but she had to consider that it could possibly happen. There was also the chance that Ron and Kim could be friends with benefits and they only needed a moment or two alone for the benefits to start kicking in. Now, although Shego had made no physical commitment as far as bodily pleasure went, she did not want anybody touching her brat. She did not even want to chance someone else touching her monster.

And an even worse thought, what if Kim had a former flame in her hometown? What if Kim hooked up with that person because she would be there on her own? She might think that her owner would never find out; it was not like Shego knew anybody in Middleton who would be able to tell her if Kim did anything with anyone. It was a horrible thought, even worse than that blonde buffoon touching her pet. Shego almost cringed at the thought in fact.

Then there was also the problem that if Kim was gone for days, deep down Shego knew that she would be lonely. She would be all alone without her pet around. She would not come home to a hug or her monster lounging on the sofa and it would throw off her whole day. She would not be able to sleep properly without her scamp resting next to her, lying on her. She would not be able to relax properly because she would have no one to pet. She would not have a reason to prepare a hearty breakfast. She would not know what to do with herself if she did not have someone to take care of for an undetermined amount of days.

“This is just for the weekend, right?” the super-powered woman inquired to make sure before she said something that she might regret. She wanted to be certain about what was going on.

“Well, the cookout is on Saturday, I think anyway. But, I want to be there for a little while longer than that. I thought if you came, we could go for the weekend, but since you don’t want to go, I guess I could stay longer. Maybe even if Ron doesn’t want to stay, I could still stay longer. I could always buy a bus ticket,” Kim mused aloud. She would never consider using a favor to go back home from something that was not a mission, and that was why taking a bus came to mind for her.

“You’re not taking a bus,” Shego objected. To hell with that! Her pet damn sure would not be on some smelly, stinky bus for who knew how long. There was just no way in hell that she would let her spoiled brat do such a thing.

“Well, I’d have to get back somehow,” the redhead pointed out.

“I’ll drive you,” the older woman said as if that had been the plan from the beginning when it certainly had not.

“Okay, but that doesn’t help me in getting back,” Kim commented with a puzzled, arched eyebrow. She would still probably have to take the bus back home, unless she got called on a mission because then she could use a favor to get home.

“You goof, I’ll go with you,” Shego stated plainly. She would rather keep an eye on her little monster than anything else, if only to make sure that no one took advantage of petite lunatic.

“You will?” the scholar asked in disbelief. She would be even more surprised to know the reasoning behind why her mistress decided to join her, but the elder female was not looking to explain that.

“Yes,” Shego sighed. She would go out of her mind if she did not go. Her mind would make up all sorts of things for her to fret about if she could not see exactly what her girl was doing, as she had a habit of doing when her elf was out of sight. Plus, she doubted that she would be able to get along well alone if her pet was gone for who knew how long.

The slender hero grinned; her master was certainly the best! She leaped up from her seat at the table; she had been eating her breakfast of plain oatmeal. Shego knew what was coming before what happened; her pet attacked her. Kim embraced the moss-hued female tightly, causing Shego to grunt because she failed to brace herself for the hit, even though she saw it coming. The older woman was about to bark at her energetic pet because of the force, but Kim silenced that with a kiss.

The emerald-eyed woman accepted the kiss, as she always did. She could see that her accompanying Kim was a bigger deal than she had thought, or so the feel of the kiss implied. It started out sweet, but quickly it became heated. The redhead kept thinking about how warm her master’s mouth was. Her mouth was so delicious and Kim believed that if it was plausible, she would just explore the inside of the tasty cavern for the rest of her life.

Shego was of a similar mindset when it came to embracing her pet. She had never experienced kisses like she did with the petite scholar. There was something to the kisses; aside for the fact that they were hotter than any fire that she could produce. She could not identify what the something was, but she knew that it was the something that made Kim’s kisses beyond incredible.

“So good,” Kim whispered as the kiss broke. Her tongue darted out of her mouth and the tip brushed against the pale woman’s lips. Her hands went to Shego’s plushy backside and she was about to go in for another, deeper kiss. Hey, she had all day free and there was nothing more that she would rather do than to wear them both out.

“Princess, we don’t have time for this,” Shego pointed out. She actually wished that she did have the time for it. She enjoyed the attention and affection, having never been wanted in such a sweet and passionate way before.

“Do we ever have time? Come on,” the trim hero pled with an adorable pout. It was actually an odd thing for her to beg for since she would not be the one being physically pleased. She just liked having her way with her mistress. It was fun in a way and it was entertaining in a weird way too; of course, it also satisfied her lustful side that required attention every now and then.

“No, I’ve got work and you better finish that food,” the green-skinned woman ordered. She had to be the responsible one, so she had to be the one to make sure that they stayed on track, even if it meant that they would not be able to have a good time.

“I want to—” Kim started, but her master cut her off because she knew that something licentious was about to exit her pet’s mouth.

“Ah, don’t finish that thought,” Shego commanded. “And get your hands off of my ass,” she added.

The younger woman pouted even more so and pinched the cushiony flesh in her hands. Shego slapped at the hands and stepped away from her monster’s prurient touch. Kim looked at her hands, as if wishing that they were full again. Shego thumped her in the nose to get her to stop thinking about what could have been.

“Pet abuse!” Kim cried, mostly because of the hit, but also because she was not being allowed to do what she wanted to do.

“Sit down and eat before I tickle you,” Shego threatened her munchkin and that got the redhead to sit back down immediately. Shego liked that tickling was a valid threat and was taken more seriously than most other things. It was a good way to keep her pet in check.

(New day)

Kim was sleeping. It was a really good sleep where her head was slung to the side and her mouth was hung wide open for all sorts of bugs to fly in it if they wanted to. She was just totally and completely out for the day it seemed. She was in the car and Shego was so tempted to slam on the brakes to shake her pet awake, if only to mess with her little, knocked out monster. Hey, sometimes Shego was just evil for the sake of being evil.

The super-powered woman would have actually liked some company for the ride. Kim had had a busy day and a tough mission the night before, which was why she had fallen asleep the second that she got in the car. It was a good thing that the redhead did not have to pack anything or she would not have made it. Shego just hoped that her girl did not try to sleep through the whole five hours or she was going to hit the brakes and wake the petite, goofy kid up. There was just no way in hell that she was driving the whole time alone. It turned out that she did not have to do the ride alone after stopping short at a red light and Kim was gagged by her seatbelt. Shego could not help laughing.

“Yeah, that’s funny,” the lean hero sarcastically grumbled while rubbing her now belt-burned neck.

“Poor little Princess,” Shego said as she reached over and caressed her girl’s cheek.

“Where are we?” Kim asked with a yawn as she looked around. Nothing looked familiar to her.

“We still have a few hours to go.”

“Go City should be closer to Middleton,” the redhead complained with a light yawn.

“Well, braniac, invent a wormhole,” Shego teased her pet.

“My brothers are probably working on that,” the slim scientist mumbled, leaving her mistress unsure if she had heard right.

Did her pet just say that she had brothers? What else was there about her girl that she did not know; the moss-hued officer could not help wondering that. Sometimes, it was just hard for her to remember that her munchkin had a life before she had found the kid a few years back. Kim sometimes just made it seem like her mistress was her world, which they both supposed was what a good pet should do.

“Don’t fall back to sleep,” Shego ordered when she noticed that her girl was nodding off again. In the back of her mind, she considered that she might learn some new things about her pet on the trip; she was not a fan of learning new things about people thanks to her mother and her best friend.

Kim nodded in agreement and turned the radio on to keep herself awake; she knew that her owner wanted company for the long drive. In order to be a good pet, she had to stay awake, she told herself. She sang along for a couple of songs to keep herself up, until she got on her owner’s nerves anyway. She then spent the rest of the ride purposely being a pest; she looked at it as part of her duty as a pet to be irksome every now and then. It did help keep her awake.

Shego would not admit it, but she was happy when they pulled up to the house because she was ready to strangle Kim, who was purposely singing off-key. To make matters worse, the song was purposely annoying; it was not a song from the radio. The title of the tune as far as she could tell was “I know a song that gets on everybody’s nerves.” It damn sure did.

Once they exited the car, Shego suddenly found herself feeling anxious; it was a rare thing for her. She was not sure the reason behind the feeling coursing through her system. She was just meeting her brat’s family; it was no big deal, she assured herself. It was not like they were going to try to take her little monster from her or something that ridiculous.

Next time: Shego meets the folks and the folks meet her.

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