The Gods Must Be Laughing

Gag Nine

Spring broke


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TITLE: Spring broke

AUTHOR: StarvingLunatic

DISCLAIMER: I don’t own these characters and I don’t own this premise.

SUMMARY: AU. The sequel to On a Short Leash. Shego and Kim continue their odd relationship. Still a weird sort of Kigo.

TYPE: Kim/Shego, Kim, Ron, Other, Friendship, Romance, Slash

RATING: US: R / DE: 16

NOTE: This story now has two, count them TWO betareaders, which means if there are mistakes, the last person who is at fault is me…right? Well, if not, there are still two betas to catch my idiotic mistakes.

Words: 4115

Shego caressing her pet.

Everything seems fine. My pet is acting like a brat as usual and everything is just like it’s supposed to be. That’s good to know. I was sick of annoying things happening anyway. Why do I get the feeling that thought’s going to come back and bite me in the ass?

“Pumpkin, do you have classes today?” Shego asked as her pet rushed to the table for breakfast. The redhead nearly fell over in her chair because of the speed that she used to run to her place and the momentum moved the chair. Shego caught her and put her back on balance because the action happened at least a couple of times a week and she was used to it.

“No,” Kim answered as she dug into her stack of three waffles, which were covered in butter and syrup already. If her food was not made in a fashion that she could just consume it automatically without having to do anything to it, she had a habit of whining about it. So, to avoid that noise, Shego always prepared the meals to her pet’s liking where her monster did not have to open her mouth for anything more than shoveling grub into it.

“No? It’s Tuesday,” the pale woman pointed out. She knew her little monster better than she let on and she knew her girl’s schedule just as well as she knew her own. So, she was aware that on Tuesday her elf should have to leave the house about an hour after she did to get to her first class of the day.

“Spring break,” Kim replied with her mouth full of breakfast. There was syrup on the side of her mouth, which her mistress wiped away with a napkin. The redhead had expected as much.

“Really? Then you’re off all week?” the pale woman asked in a tone that sounded almost like fear. Really, who knew what her pet might do with so much time on her hands. The apartment might end up being a zoo, or worse yet, the apartment might end up being burnt down.

“Uh-huh.” Kim nodded for emphasis. A whole week and she did not have anything really planned for it. Her friends were all going on romantic getaways, so she could not hang out with them.

“Don’t waste it sleeping on the couch,” Shego ordered, although she wanted to add to that command, but she decided to wait and see where her pet’s mind was at before dishing out more orders.

“All right. Can I bring some animals in the house then?” the redhead requested.

“No,” the green-skinned woman answered. She knew that the kid was going to just bug out and to think, she had a week of time on her hands. The apartment might not survive at all, Shego considered.

“C’mon!” the college student begged.

“No,” was the sharp reply.

“Just a couple of snakes.”

“No.” It was in the same tone as the last answer and was about as blunt as a baseball bat.

“One dwarf caiman,” Kim bargained.


“A baby alligator,” the hero offered.


“One frog.”

“What part of ‘no’ aren’t you getting?” Shego inquired while wondering where her munchkin got her bartering skills from. And to think, the kid actually partially lived through making deals with people.

“The part of why I can’t do it. You never let me do anything!” the redhead whined loudly and pounded on the table a couple of times with her fists.

“Stop that. You can get the mail for me later. There, you’ve done something,” Shego replied as if that would satisfy her hyper imp.

The slender adventurer pouted; ah, well, she would just have to waste away on the sofa for a week when not being run around by Wade. Yeah, right, her mind scoffed. She would actually just have to sneak some animals into the apartment and hopefully get rid of them before her mistress found out. That sounded much more like the way that she would actually spend her week; it definitely sounded much more pleasant and fun than sleeping on the sofa, waiting for Wade to give her a ring.

Shego grabbed her keys since she was leaving for work. Kim walked her mistress to the door while being ordered to finish her breakfast. She kissed Shego goodbye on the cheek and then returned to her food while Shego hardly made it three feet from her door before she was being held up. For once, it was not her pet’s fault, but it was still annoying. Maybe even more so than when her pet held her up because her pet was expected to be a brat, she believed.

“Good morning to you,” a woman standing in Shego’s way greeted her.

The woman was blocking the pale martial artist’s path and getting on her always-raw nerves. The woman had a pleasant enough smile on her face, which looked a bit done up. She spoke with a light Texan accent and that let Shego know the woman was not from the city, but she figured that out just from the fact that the woman had greeted a stranger; no one in Go City would think to do such a thing. The woman had sky blue eyes and sandy brown hair. She was wearing small, circular spectacles while being dressed in a black skirt and a red blazer.

“Uh…yeah,” Shego said in response to the good morning greeting and she was about to push past the strange woman, but she continued talking for some reason that Shego could not see.

“I’m Anita Crocket,” the woman announced.

“Yeah, that’s nice that you know who you are,” the moss-hued woman commented in a very disinterested tone.

“I just bought the building.”

“Good for you,” Shego remarked, not like she cared. What did she care who owned the building? Her apartment was totally paid for and everything was in working order.

“I’m trying to get to know all the tenants around here. I’d like to be on friendly terms with everyone. I do believe you’re Shego.”

“Sorry, but you don’t win the prize just for knowing who I am. Look, as much as I’d like to stand here and continue to not give a damn about what you’re talking about, I’ve got a job to get to,” Shego stated and she finally pushed by the woman to go down the stairs.

The raven-haired officer did not even bother to think about why the new landlady knew who she was without a proper introduction. She was infamous in the building and around town. It did not help matters that she had a very distinctive look to her, but she did not care that Anita Crocket knew who she was.

The new building owner watched the green-skinned woman as she left. She had heard quite a bit about the raven-haired female and not just from people around the building, but around all of Go City. She was as rude as people made her out to be; Anita Crocket could only wonder if the other things that she heard about the pale woman were true. And she had heard some things.

Kim glanced at the time and noticed that the mail had probably been delivered by now. She rolled off of the couch and figured once she grabbed the mail, she would go out and do something with herself. She grabbed a banana to eat on her way downstairs and absently wondered if she was as greedy as it was starting to seem. She did not remember eating as much when she lived in her parents’ house as she was now did with Shego. She trotted downstairs to the mailbox and fetched the mail as ordered. She turned back to go to the apartment and nearly ran over the blue-eyed woman that held her mistress up earlier in the day.

“Oh, excuse me,” the redhead begged the woman’s pardon in a very polite tone.

“No problem. I’m Anita Crocket. I just bought the building. Who are you?” the brunette woman inquired curiously, but also in a friendly manner.

“Kim Possible,” the hero stated.

“Nice to meet you. Picking up some mail I see,” Anita commented to make conversation. She glanced down at the mail and noticed that the name on the envelopes was not the one the redhead had given.

“Yeah,” the olive-eyed girl answered; she was not sure what else to say. What she was doing was obvious after all.

“So, how is Go City? This is my first time here,” the landlady commented.

“You bought a building in a place that you’ve never been before?” Kim asked in a puzzled tone. People with money did weird things sometimes, she thought.

“Yes, sometimes I do things on a whim,” the older woman answered in a lighthearted tone with a pleasant smile. She seemed like a very sweet and affable female.

“Well, I know how that is,” Kim remarked with a smile of her own. Whims were definitely something that she could understand.

“So, maybe you could tell me about Go City,” Anita Crocket requested.

“It’s a nice place to live. Sometimes weird things happen, but nothing too serious. They’ve got a lot of things to interest a wide range of people. I mean, this city has just about everything. I wouldn’t recommend going outside at night alone, though,” Kim replied.

“Well, then, it must be hard for a young lady like you to have an active social life. I hope you’ve got a big fellow to protect you.”

The slender hero almost laughed, but she held it in. She did not think that people still thought that women needed big guys to protect them. She decided against saying anything about that and just decided to continue being nice and polite since the landlord was being that way.

“Well, I’m not alone, I can promise you that one,” the young lady replied and then she finished her banana. “Well, I need to go throw this out and get going anyway. Nice meeting you, ma’am,” she said very politely and she charged back upstairs after Miss Crocket bid her farewell.

The blue-eyed woman was rather intrigued by that girl picking up Shego’s mail. Hmm, she wondered if that was the little redhead that people had been telling her about. She had heard that an adorable, petite redhead lived with Shego from the building’s other tenants. No one was sure who the girl was, but many speculated that she was some kind of sex slave or something of the like. They had claimed to have seen Shego pulling the girl around on a leash and stated that sometimes the girl could be seen wearing a dog collar. They also noted that it seemed like Shego was hiding the fact that the girl stayed with her most of the time. They did not know what to make of it, but that did not stop them from talking about it. Well, Anita planned to get to the bottom of things; she did not want perverts in her building.

Shego made her way to her apartment door, wanting nothing more than to take a hot shower and snuggle with her pet to relieve the stress of the day. She planned to pet Kim’s head until the pest had a bald spot from all of the attention. She pulled out her keys and was just about to get into the apartment when she was halted by someone saying her name. She turned to see who it was and found that it was the new landlord.

“Why me?” Shego wondered. Really, what had she done that been so bad that she had to be irked every second of the day when she was not in the house? She obviously had not taken a liking to the new building owner.

“Good evening, Shego,” Miss Crocket greeted the raven-haired female.

“Yeah, it was,” the emerald-eyed woman replied in a rather curt tone.

“I heard some noises coming from your apartment earlier. I thought that you were home already,” the brunette female informed Shego. It seemed like she had not taken notice of the moss-hued woman’s attitude, even though she had. She was still being courteous because she thought that it might help change the way the officer acted toward her; she obvious did not know much about Shego to think that.

“If there was a merciful God, I’d be home already,” the pale woman quipped. She wondered how many lines it would take to get rid of Miss Crocket.

“I was wondering if you had a dog or a cat or something that could’ve been making that noise. It sounded very serious.”

“No, I don’t,” Shego stated and then she frowned. She wondered what her moronic pet might have done to be making a bunch of noise. She hoped that the olive-eyed imp had not blown something up or broken anything. Oh, she hated spring break with a passion and it had only just begun. She could only wonder what her monster would do for the rest of the week.

“Really? I wonder what was making all that noise. I hope no one broke in,” Miss Crocket said as if she was truly concerned with the inside of the apartment.

“I doubt it, but if it gets me away from you, I should go check it out.”

Shego escaped into her apartment and then she was attacked by her possibly-in-trouble pet. Kim hit her harder than she had planned to and they fell back against the door because of the force. Shego snorted in anger while Kim grinned as if she was proud of herself; hey, it was a good tackle.

“The hell?” Shego managed to cough out after she recovered from the blow. She hoped that landlady was not still standing outside or she would want to know what was going on; not that the emerald-eyed female would tell her what was going on.

“I was wondering when you were going to come in, so you threw off my timing by staying in the hall for a while,” the adventurer explained.

“It wasn’t my fault. What have you been doing in here?” the green-skinned woman asked while petting Kim’s head. It was apparent that she was no longer upset about being tackled so roughly only seconds ago. It felt good to caress that red mane and it calmed the older woman down somewhat.

“Nothing much,” the younger woman answered.

“I was just told that a lot of noise has been coming from in here. What’s the deal?” Shego demanded to know.

“Oh…um…well…” Kim trailed off because they both knew that she was no good at lying, especially to people that knew her well and her master knew her very well.

“You had an animal in here, didn’t you?” Shego guessed. She just knew her girl.

“Only one,” Kim answered as if that was some sort of a defense. She knew that the number would not matter to her mistress.

“What the hell did I say this morning?” the older female demanded to know. It was like her brat did not hear her when she set rules down.

“You said I couldn’t bring some animals. You didn’t say I couldn’t bring in one,” the slender hero argued.

“Yes, I did!”

“No, you said I couldn’t bring in some animals, a couple of snakes, a dwarf caiman, a baby alligator, and a frog. So, I didn’t bring in any of those,” Kim explained.

The moss-hued female sighed; her pet was just too much. “Okay, fine. What animal did you have in here?” she asked, even though she really did not want to know.

“A monkey,” the redheaded scientist answered with a smile. She found that it best to always be proud of the wrong things around her master. It got her out of trouble for some reason that she could not figure out.

“A monkey?” Shego sighed again. “Since when do you like primates?” she inquired for lack of a better thing to ask.

“Always. I like animals. I like living things. I’m a biologist,” Kim pointed out.

“Fine, where’s the monkey now?” the green-skinned officer inquired with another sigh because she thought with the way her little monster worked, the monkey could still be in the apartment, possibly in the closet or in the loft. She really did not want a filthy, smelly monkey in the apartment.

“With a vet,” the redhead answered.

“A vet?”

“Yeah, when I found him, his arm as all funny,” Kim answered while bending her arm to illustrate her point.

“Funny broken, you mean?” Shego inquired while looking at the way her pet had her limb.

“Yeah, funny broken,” the olive-eyed scientist confirmed.

“And when he’s not at the vet anymore?” Shego asked because she wanted to see if her munchkin was planning to bring the filthy primate back to the apartment. Damn spring break, she silently cursed. She needed her pet to not be idle all morning and afternoon because that just meant that she would be in the house all day, messing things up.

“Probably the zoo. It’ll be better than being dead, which he would’ve been,” the younger woman answered.

“So, what the hell was he doing here?” the pale woman demanded to know. Sometimes her girl just hurt her head.

“I had to wait for a little while because the vet wasn’t in, so I came back home,” the slim adventurer explained.

“Princess, no more animals. Go to the lab, take some photos in a jungle, hell, go bug out with your nutty friends, anything that doesn’t involve you bringing shit in here that is classified as living,” the apartment owner commanded.

The redhead pouted; so, what was she supposed to do with herself if she could not sneak animals into the apartment? Her friends were out of the country and busy with their respective mates, so she could not “go bug out” with them. Well, she could take some pictures of animals like her mistress suggested, but that was not the same thing was having them in the house. How did her master know about her monkey anyway?

“Um…who told you I had an animal in here?” Kim asked curiously as her owner started walking toward the bedroom.

“The landlady said she heard noises in here. Oh, and be sure to keep clear of her. She’s nosy as hell,” Shego replied. She concluded the woman was nosy for the simple fact that she had run into her twice in one day and the woman already knew who she was the first time that they had seen each other without Shego saying a word.

“I met her already,” Kim informed her mistress, who stopped dead in her tracks.

“You met her?” Shego inquired while turning around to look at her pet.

“Yeah, when I went to get the mail.”

“What did you say to her?” the pale female asked.

The last thing that Shego wanted was for some busybody to get into her business because she happened to share an apartment with a girl that walked around in collars sometimes and just acted plain bizarre more often than not. It did not help matters that Kim sometimes just blurted out that she was a pet, even though she insisted that she only told her friends that information. Really, she just did not like the new landlord and she did not trust the woman, so she would prefer her monster stay away from her.

“I just introduced myself and I told her a few things about the city,” the petite hero replied.

“Good. Don’t talk to her anymore. She’s a nosy broad,” the cranky female stated.

“She seemed all right.”

“Pumpkin,” Shego growled to show her pet that she was being serious. She really did not want that blue-eyed woman to have an excuse to bother her.

“Fine, I won’t talk to her anymore,” Kim yielded. Lord, her mistress was so grumpy, which was just the way that she liked Shego.

The redhead did not see what was so wrong with the new landlord. She seemed nice to a certain extent; after all, the woman had ratted her out about her monkey and that was not very nice. She would try her best to not talk to the blue-eyed woman if that was what her master wanted. It was no skin off her nose; it was not like she was friends with the landlady after all.

(New Day)

Kim exited the apartment. She turned around and ran right into the landlady. She had managed to avoid the woman for the past couple of days by exiting in her preferred manner, which was out of the windows in the hallway, but apparently, she could not do that now unless she wanted the woman to start asking all sorts of questions later on and she knew that her mistress would hate that. She smiled politely at Miss Crocket and greeted her good day in the same manner.

“Good morning to you too. I haven’t seen you in a couple of days,” Miss Crocket noted with a smile, as if to cover something up, which Kim noticed.

“Yeah, I’ve been busy,” the slender adventurer replied. She was not lying, but then again, she was always busy.

“Busy?” the older woman inquired as if it was not humanly plausible for Kim to have had things to do. She did wonder what the younger woman might be up to; she did not see how a kid could be really busy.


“What do you do?” the landlord asked. She considered that either Kim was an exceptional kid or that she was making things up about being busy; she wanted to see which one it was.

“Some of everything,” the redhead answered honestly.

“I can see how you’re busy then. I mean, that must be tiring,” the brunette said as if she was humoring Kim, which did not go by the olive-eyed hero.

Kim pondered for a brief moment what Miss Crocket thought that she was. She did do just about a bit of everything. She bet that she did more in a day than the landlord did in a year. It was not like she was lazy punk…okay, wait, she was sort of that, but only when she was in the apartment and under her master’s watchful eye, but it was not even like Miss Crocket knew that. The building owner did not know a thing about her, so Kim did not think that it was right for her to judge her and treat her like some bummy kid.

“I just noticed that’s an interesting necklace you’ve got there,” Miss Crocket commented, which threw the college student’s thoughts off and got her to thinking about other things.

Necklace, Kim wondered. What necklace was she wearing? Oh, right, she had gone back to wearing her collar because she was just a pet; she was sporting the green one. She wished that she had not thrown the black on in the trash a little while ago when she had been an emotional wreck because the black one matched with more of her clothes and stood out a bit less. Well, at least she could play it off like it was a fashion choice and not an actual pet collar. She supposed it was a very good thing that Shego no longer yanked her around on a leash or one day they might have an awkward moment when running into Miss Crocket.

“Yeah, it’s interesting I guess,” Kim conceded.

“It looks a lot like a dog collar,” Miss Crocket said.

“It’s a choker. My friend thought it looked cool on me, so I keep wearing it. Oh, if you don’t mind, I need to get going. I don’t want to be late,” the redhead replied.

Miss Crocket bid the hero farewell and Kim trotted off. She wondered if the girl was actually wearing a pet collar; people had told her that Kim could be seen in dog collars sometimes. She noticed that the young lady had come out of Shego’s apartment, so she more than likely lived with the rude pale woman. Was Shego really keeping that kid as a sex slave? She had to find out. She needed to know. She just would not stand for perverts in her building.

Next time: Miss Crocket continues to interact with Kim and Shego, much to their dismay, not that Miss Crocket will be having fun in the exchange either.

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