The Gods Must Be Laughing

Gag Twenty-six



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TITLE: Fireworks

AUTHOR: StarvingLunatic

DISCLAIMER: I don’t own these characters and I don’t own this premise.

SUMMARY: AU. The sequel to On a Short Leash. Shego and Kim continue their odd relationship. Still a weird sort of Kigo.

TYPE: Kim/Shego, Kim, Ron, Other, Friendship, Romance, Slash

RATING: US: R / DE: 16

Words: 4878

Shego caressing her pet.

Okay, I know Ron isn’t the best person at keeping his mouth shut and I know that sometimes it doesn’t occur to him that some things shouldn’t be said with certain people around, but really, I’d like to think that even the simplest of individuals would know not to mention that I’m a pet in front of my parents! I mean, they’re my parents, after all. Why would I want them to know that I’m a pet? There’s no reason for them to know, but thanks to Captain Big-Mouth it’s practically public knowledge. Just great. I wonder what he does for his next trick; although, I don’t think I’ll let him live to make it that far.

No one, save Ron Stoppable himself, could believe the words that the blonde boy had just allowed to leave his mouth. Having been at the Possible family cookout for a whole twenty seconds, he had given away that Kim was a pet, a secret that she had kept from her family for the all the years that she had been a pet, in about five seconds. It was beyond incredible. Well, at least they could be confident that Ron did not know any highly classified information, because if he did, he was definitely a national security risk.

Shego immediately decided to jump in and do damage control. She started doing something that she was good at after Ron proved that he was good at not keeping secrets; the pale woman began lying through her teeth as thoroughly as possible because she knew that her pet would not do it; the girl was not good at lying anyway. She could see that the parents wanted some answers, Ann especially, so someone had to do the lying around there.

The moss-hued female tapped Kim’s mother on the shoulder to get her attention. She had no problem with lying right to the woman’s face. Hey, she lied to her own mother’s face whenever she could, so someone else’s mother was just an easier target to her. Lying to someone’s face made the lie more believable anyway.

“You know how friends are with really stupid inside jokes,” Shego began and Ann nodded, so the green-skinned officer knew that she could continue along those lines. “They’re always talking about Kimmie being my pet because I don’t let her touch anything in the apartment and I yell at her all the time because I hate when she touches my stuff. They’re always going on that I scold her like a bad puppy,” she explained in a reasonable tone and Ann nodded again.

“No—” Ron was about to object to the whole lie, not quite getting what was going on yet. Luckily, Monique interjected because she understood what Shego was trying to do and she did not even know what was going on.

“Hey, from what we can tell, you do treat her like she’s a bad puppy most of the time,” Monique added in.

“She’s living at my house free of charge. I’ll treat her any damn way I jolly well please and she better like it,” Shego remarked.

“And she’s our friend, so we’ll make fun of her any way we jolly well please,” Monique countered.

Shego quickly glanced at Mister and Missus Possible to gauge their reaction to the lie and to see if they were buying it. Mister Possible seemed to believe it and he turned his attention back to the grill, but Ann was another story. She was smiling as if she found the exchange amusing, but something in her sky-blue eyes told Shego that she had failed to convince the neurosurgeon completely that Kim being a pet was just an inside joke. At first, the moss-hued female decided that she did not care if Ann did not believe it, but then she remembered who Ann was and that she should care if the redheaded woman believed her or not.

After all, if Ann did not believe the lie, it was almost a given that she would disapprove if she learned the truth. No parent, no sane parent anyway, would want to know that her child was someone’s pet, especially if that child was brilliant and had an extremely bright future ahead of her. She would probably attempt to take Kim away from Shego, which the pale woman disliked of course. Her pet was hers and she would not let anybody have her girl, even if they were the kid’s parents.

While Shego was worrying about losing her twerp, Monique was getting the lowdown on what happened with Ron from Kim and Yori. The three ladies and Felix then went into telling Ron why it was a bad idea for him to just blurt out that Kim was Shego’s pet. He finally understood his mistake and then he offered to make up for it; they all insisted that he not do that, lest he accidentally add to the problem. It was best to let it just die down and fade away, they all decided. They thought that Shego’s explanation was good and plausible; anything extra would have been more suspicious than helpful, they concluded.

Everyone then returned to having a good time at the barbeque. Shego actually found herself enjoying a conversation with Monique about certain clothing lines and different styles and materials. They found out that they had some things in common and that they could get along if given the chance.

Felix went to talk to Mister Possible, hoping to work an angle of some kind to find a new job; he would rather do serious scientific work than continue on building robots at an amusement park and his mother just was not helping much. Felix’s mother liked to point out that he had a good job and he should take things slowly rather than push for everything immediately. He just felt very passionately about his dreams for developing cybernetic body parts to help people. His mother respected that dream, but she told him to take things slowly to make sure that he had everything he required and that he had everything planned out properly so that when the time came to fulfill his dream, he would be able to do it quickly and correctly. Mister Possible was not much help to Felix finding a new job since there were no openings at the space center and, even if there were, his mother worked there and she would not have been happy to see him wheel his behind in there.

Kim continued to speak with her mother for a few minutes. Ann seemed to let go of the pet issue after Kim assured her mother that it was nothing serious. The hero had not lied per se, but she had not told the whole truth either. After that, she and her mother just did some more catching up.

Ron ate some food, of course, and fooled around with some of the fireworks that Jim and Tim had brought out for the celebration. Kim cautioned her best friend, warning him that all of those rockets were handmade. It seemed that Ron was not paying much attention to Kim because he stayed right where he was, either unaware or not caring that the twins had made all of the fireworks in the garage just yesterday. Yori was also curious about the fireworks, but that only lasted a moment as she figured that being blown up just was not worth the attention; she was the only one to come to that conclusion out of the people looking at the rockets.

The ninja wandered over to Kim and struck up a conversation with her as Ann went to get another chicken kabob. Kim and Yori eventually worked their way to talking about martial arts, as they tended to do when left alone. The discussion turned into a debate, which discussions often did with them, which they felt could be resolved with a demonstration to each other, which was the way they often did when the pair had enough space to do anything. When the pair faced off, it got most of the attention in the backyard because they wondered what was going on with the duo. Yori talked Kim through the attack as she preformed the move and then Kim did the same as she showed Yori how the assault could be countered. They continued on because the more moves that they did, the more they found things that backed up their arguments. Shego eventually got tired of watching the contest and came out of nowhere to drop both of them with a move of her own.

“And that proves you both wrong,” the pale woman stated to the girls on the ground. It seemed that she won the argument.

“She does have a point,” the Japanese female concurred while contemplating the move that just floored her and the redhead.

“It does shut me up,” Kim replied with a small laugh. The pair hopped up to their feet.

“You’re pretty good,” Yori said to Shego.

“Hey, her mom is Isabel Gooding,” the olive-eyed scientist informed her friend.

“Really?” the ninja practically squealed. “She came to my school once.”

“Really?” the petite redhead asked incredulously.

“I was little at the time, but I remember it exactly. She came there and beat five recent graduates single-handedly. It was amazing,” Yori reported with excitement in her voice.

Shego rolled her eyes and walked away from the hyped up pair. Yori looked at Shego because she did not understand the emerald-eyed woman’s reaction. She then turned her attention back to her redheaded friend.

“Did I say something wrong?” the kunoichi asked the hero.

“No, she just doesn’t like hearing about her mother. You have got to tell me about this one, though. I want to hear about how she beat five ninjas,” Kim insisted.

Yori nodded and eagerly relayed the information that Kim desired. The cookout for the most part was a success. Everyone had a good time; the food was good and the conversations were enjoyable. The fireworks at the end were almost a killer when one failed to go off and the twins were seriously about to go give the explosive a close up inspection. The rocket went off before they made it over to the missile; it also exploded rather than blasted off. The dirt from the lawn was kicked up and smoke covered the backyard.

“Way to go, tweebs. What kind of charges are you using, black powder?” Kim teased while coughing thanks to the dust thrown up by the explosion.

“At least we have rockets,” Jim argued while coughing too; everyone was coughing and waving off the smoke.

“Yeah, that explode too soon or too late,” Kim countered.

“At least they explode,” Tim replied. His sister decided to not debate that issue because she had no idea how to go about arguing that issue. It just was not worth the headache, she decided.

Once it was late, everyone retired to where they were supposed to be. Ron and Yori went to his parents’ house; they planned to hang out in town for a little while longer. Monique and Felix went to his mother’s house; they figured that they would visit her family tomorrow, but his mother’s house had more space and that was why they went there. Shego and Kim, of course, went right back to the Possible family guestroom. They were going to go to sleep, but they never could just go to sleep it seemed when they first lay down.

“What do you say we get out of here tomorrow about noon, so we’ll have some time to at home to lounge?” Shego proposed while rubbing Kim’s shoulder. The redhead was pressed up next to her master as usual. Shego was definitely the best pillow ever made, the younger woman silently concluded.

The green-skinned female actually wanted to get out of the Possible house as soon as they could because she felt that her lie did not convince Ann that Ron was just joking about Kim being her pet. She did not want to give the neurosurgeon the chance to talk to Kim and attempt to get the younger redhead away from Shego. Kim was hers and she was not giving her up, simple as that, but she would rather not go through the annoyance of fighting for her monster.

“Okay,” Kim agreed with the plan to leave at noon.

The slim hero did not mind leaving at lunchtime. She had seen her family and enjoyed their company, but she did want to get back home. It was home, after all. She liked having a home, she realized, which explained why she wanted to get back to it.

“Thank you,” Kim said out of the blue, as far as the pale woman was concerned, and she kissed her mistress’ exposed collar bone.

“For what?” Shego asked curiously, although she was not going to complain about the affection that was just tossed her way.

“Everything,” the olive-eyed scholar answered.

“Everything?” It was a lot to be thanked for, Shego believed, especially since she did not know what everything consisted of.

“Yeah, everything,” Kim repeated and she leaned up to kiss her mistress on the mouth.

The raven-haired officer accepted the kiss and returned it. Hands started roaming a warm body while tongues danced with each other. Shego pulled away a little when she felt those hands down by her waist.

“Do you really want to do that in a bed that your nana has slept in?” Shego asked because the idea even disturbed her out somewhat.

“Hmm…when we get home?” the petite adventurer requested. She was now put off by the notion of doing anything in the bed except for sleeping.

“We’ll see,” the green-skinned female answered.

Kim giggled a little bit; she had expected that answer. Her mistress tried so hard to act like she did not care when she touched her, but they both knew that she liked it, enjoyed it, loved it. If she did not like it, she would not allow her little monster to do it and she would not make so much noise when she did allow it. Kim was just glad to be allotted the privilege to do such a thing, even though her master was still a bit shy when it came to returning the favor. The redhead was all right with that; she had no problem with waiting for her owner. She had confidence that one day her mistress would touch her intimately.

“Goodnight, Princess,” Shego said while kissing her pet’s forehead.

“Goodnight, mistress,” Kim replied with a small yawn.

(Next day)

Shego was sitting in the Possible family living room. She was waiting for Kim; the hero’s parents wanted to have a word alone with her. Well, it was more like her mother wanted to speak with her and James had to be present. Shego bet that it had something to do with her little monster being her little monster. She hoped that no problems came up, although she did think that it was odd that Ann waited until she and Kim were about to leave to want to have a talk. She tried not to think too much on it, but she did think on it.

Maybe Ann was going to try to talk Kim into staying. Maybe she thought that Shego would get impatient and just leave the younger redhead. Fat chance, Shego scoffed mentally. She was not leaving without her munchkin. There was just no way to get rid of her unless she had her dearest pet with her.

“So, what’s it like being Kim’s girlfriend?” Jim asked as he and Tim decided to bother Shego; well, that was how she looked at it anyway. They had come out of nowhere and they had taken her from her thoughts, she knew that much.

The boys were curious about the woman that their big sister was shacked up with in a very dangerous city so far from home and that was there reason for going over to Shego. They figured since she was alone, they could get some information out of her without having to worry about Kim yelling at them. They obviously did not know Shego if they thought that they were going to get anything out of her.

“She’s not my girlfriend,” the pale woman answered, which surprised the twins.

“No? Then what is she?” Tim inquired, thinking that he was trapping the officer. He and his double did not see what else Shego could possibly be to their sister. She was allowing Kim to live her and she was not charging Kim any rent. It sounded like two lovers cohabitating together.

“She’s my pet,” the moss-hued woman answered in a plain, humorless tone. The boys laughed until they realized that she was being very serious.

“Yeah, right. Like our sister would ever be someone’s pet,” they both scoffed.

Shego shrugged; they did not need to believe her. Kim was her pet, plain and simple. Things were like that and for the sake of her sanity, she believed that things had to stay like that. She just would not be able to function properly without her precious Kimmie and she would not be as content with life as she was at the moment. That was why she had to keep her pet, even if Kim’s parents had something to say about it.

Kim was sitting in the kitchen with her parents. The doctors Possible were sitting at one end of the table with their daughter at the other end. The slender hero was not certain, but she could guess what the conversation was going to be about. To be honest, she did not think it was any of the parents’ business, but she did not say that out loud. It was her life, after all, and she was happy; that should be enough for them, especially since she was not doing anything negative. She figured that they had other ideas, though since they were about to have a conversation on the matter.

“Kimmie, what Ron said about you being Shego’s pet…it was true, wasn’t it?” Ann asked. She knew the answer, but she wanted her daughter to confirm or deny it; she would prefer that Kim deny it.

“For the most part, but it’s a very complex issue,” Kim answered honestly. She tried her best to never lie to her folks, not because she was not very good at it, but because they were her parents and she respected them.

“Kimmie-cub, we didn’t raise you to be someone’s pet,” her father declared, as if there were parents out there that raised their children specifically to be someone’s pet.

“I know, Dad,” the redheaded scientist replied.

“What did he mean when he said that you were a pet? Is this some sort of…sexual thing?” Ann asked while hoping that she was not getting too personal. She really did not want to find out that her daughter was into some kind of kinky sex game.

“No, it’s nothing like that,” Kim answered. Yes, she was now allowed to touch Shego and pleasure Shego, but her being a pet was much more than some sexual thing and that was only a recent addition to the relationship.

“Well then, what is it? You said it was complex, how so?” her mother inquired. She was relieved to know that the petite redhead was not into some strange sexual exploit with Shego.

“It’s a really long story,” the hero replied.

“Have you been her pet since you’re living with her?” the neurosurgeon asked. She was afraid to hear the answer. Between Kim and the twins, she was glad that they did not have any more children because those three had enough surprises to last several lifetimes.

“I have,” Kim confirmed.

“Kimmie,” her parents sighed simultaneously. See, just way too many surprises and that was only from Kim.

“Okay, let me explain this before you have heart attacks over an issue that is so not the drama,” Kim said.

The slender adventurer went into telling the story of how it all began. How she went to Go City, planning to just say hi to Ron, Yori, and Monique and then she was going to go about her business. She did not know where she was going to go about her business to, but she did not plan to stay in Go City that much was certain. She was not going to stay more than a couple of days and that was only if she was not going to be in her friends’ way. And then, as luck would have it, she wandered by a jewelry store that was being burglarized, and being the upstanding citizen that she was, she had gone to halt the illegal activity only to run into three other problems aside for the thieves. She explained as best she could about how Team Possible had drugged her, allowed her to be beaten up rather badly, and then abandoned her in a box, as fate would have it, right outside of Shego’s building.

“Why didn’t you tell us that when it happened?” Ann asked, interrupting the story. Kim was actually surprised that she was able to make it to being placed into the box because she expected her parents to stop her when she hurried through the fact that she was drugged.

“Because it was no big, mostly because they dropped me in front of Shego’s house. She fed me, bandaged me, and let me stay at her house for the night. She even gave me money, mostly trying to get rid of me on that last one,” Kim explained. It was no big and she had not told them because they always worried when she could take care of herself. She did not want to supply them with reasons to be concerned for her.

“How did you end up becoming her pet?” James inquired.

“Well, she offered. She was trying to kick me out of house, I think. She probably brought up the idea as a joke, but I accepted and she couldn’t back down,” the hero answered with a laugh; now that she knew her mistress, she knew that it would have been impossible for the older woman to admit that she was only joking back when she first made the proposal of being her pet. It was hard to believe where one insincere offer had gotten her and Shego.

“Why would you accept the offer to be someone’s pet?” her mother inquired in a tone that showed she just did not understand. She was so bewildered by it all, as was her husband. They disliked it even more than it bemused them.

“Well, I wanted to pay her back. She was really nice to me and she didn’t have any reason to be that way. I mean, she even helped me wash my hair while my hand was injured. She was totally kind to me and I wanted to get the chance to pay her back somehow,” the adventurer answered.

“So, you became her pet?” her parents asked incredulously. What kind of reasoning did their daughter use to get her to agree to be someone’s pet to repay acts of kindness? They could only hope that she did not do the same or similar things for everyone that was nice to her.

Kim sighed. “It’s hard to explain, but it was the only way that she’d let me into her life for me to eventually be able to repay her. Besides, she provided me with a living area and everything. I wish I could prove that it’s not as bad as it sounds, but you’re just going to have to take my word on it. I mean, I offer Shego companionship in exchange of food, shelter, and comfort. We’re not doing anything weird or wrong with each other. I promise you that it’s nothing bad,” the girl vowed.

“Then why call it being a pet? Why not friends or roommates or anything else?” her mother inquired.

“Well, I guess we are friends and roommates and things like that. But, it’s deeper than that. I know I can’t explain this really weird level that she and I are on, but it’s very deep. I guess we just say I’m a pet because that’s how it all started,” Kim reasoned.

“So, you’re not really a pet?” James asked.

The redheaded scholar’s brow furrowed a bit. She would not go as far as to proclaim that she was no longer a pet because she was still a pet. She was just a pet that was in love with her mistress and capable of showing that in a not-at-all inappropriate manner since she was human too.

“I just don’t know how else to put what I am when it comes to Shego,” Kim admitted.

“I don’t see why you have to put it in such a way, though,” Ann argued.

“I don’t know how else to put it. I started out as her pet and even though a lot of things have happened to us from then to now, we still just say I’m her pet. She’s very good to me. She makes sure I eat at least two full meals a day, I have a bed to sleep in every night, if I need anything, she comes through for me, and she makes sure that I’m doing something with my brain. She’s just really good to me. I don’t know what else to say,” Kim stated.

The redhead doubted her inability to explain just how her relationship with Shego worked was helping to ease her parents’ worry. She did not want them to be concerned about her because she was in good hands. Her mistress cared for her and about her. She wished that her parents would just accept it since she was happy with it.

The doctors Possible, though extremely intelligent people, could not understand what their daughter had done with her life. How could she be a pet and then sit there and tell them about it as if it was normal? It was not normal behavior, even for Kim. Still, they sat there and tried to wrap their minds around the notion. They argued with her over the idea of her being someone’s pet and attempted to explain why it was a position that no one should allow themselves to be placed in.

Shego and Kim went to the car and were set to return home. Shego noticed that her mini-monster looked slightly depressed. The moss-hued woman gave Kim some time to sulk to herself because she thought that sometimes people needed a chance to be down. She then reached over and lovingly petted her mischievous elf.

“What happened, monster? What did they say?” Shego asked her pet. She was glad that they were returning home together without a fight from the Possibles, but she could see that her girl had not come away unscathed.

“Nothing. They accepted this,” Kim answered in somewhat of a mumble.

“I’ve noticed you’ve got a problem with this whole ‘acceptance’ thing. Isn’t it good that they accepted it, like they accepted your bisexuality?” Shego inquired.

“Yeah, they accepted it, but it’s just that I want them to not see those things as bad things. I want them to understand that there’s nothing wrong with those things. I tried to tell them about what it means for me to be your pet, so they could at least understand that it’s not as bad as it sounds, but all they hear is the word ‘pet,’ which they equate with something negative. I don’t want them to think like that,” the scientist explained.

Kim had sat in the kitchen with her parents for over an hour discussing her status as a pet and they just could not see eye to eye on the issue. No matter what she said, it was almost like they did not hear it. It seemed like quite a few times when she made decisions in life, they did not hear what her decisions were.

“We could always switch your title,” Shego suggested as a joke, hoping to lift her munchkin’s spirits.

“Oh, can I be the master now?” Kim asked with a smile, trying to cheer up. She was with her mistress and her parents had accepted that. It was a step in the right direction, so there was no need to be down about it.

“Fine you can be the master, but I am now the all-powerful controller of the universe and you have to refer to me as that,” the green-skinned woman declared.

“How about you stick to being the master and I stick to being the pet then?” Kim proposed. There was no way that she was addressing anyone, even Shego, as the all-powerful controller of the universe. It was too many words.

“That’s a brilliant idea, Holmes! By Jove, you are a genius,” Shego teased with an enthused smile on her face for once.

Next time: Josh makes his return.

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