The Gods Must Be Laughing

Gag Fifty-four

A family affair


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TITLE: A family affair

AUTHOR: StarvingLunatic

DISCLAIMER: I don’t own these characters and I don’t own this premise.

SUMMARY: AU. The sequel to On a Short Leash. Shego and Kim continue their odd relationship. Still a weird sort of Kigo.

TYPE: Kim/Shego, Kim, Ron, Other, Friendship, Romance, Slash

RATING: US: R / DE: 16

Words: 4550

Shego caressing her pet.

Honestly, maybe I can somewhat see why Shego is a little annoyed with her mother sometimes. I mean, sometimes, it seems that her mother does go a little too far. I never would’ve believed it till now. I mean, this was just a little too much. She could’ve warned us or something. It would’ve been nice is all I’m saying. I still like her and everything, but she should’ve warned us. I would’ve really appreciated it.

A phone rang and went unanswered. The caller was far from deterred and merely called again a little while later. She still did not get an answer, but that did not bother her at all. It took a lot to deter her, after all. She just called a different number and finally got an answer.

“Hello,” neurosurgeon Anastasia Possible answered her cell phone. She was coming out of the hospital that she worked in after being called in for an emergency procedure.

“Hello, I’m looking for Doctor Anastasia Possible.”


“Oh, hello. I’m Isabel Gooding. I’m Shego’s mother,” the caller identified herself. She had called the Possible house the first couple of times to get into touch with the doctor because she was pretty sure that the redhead would be home. She had not counted on the blue-eyed woman getting called out, but that was why she called the mobile phone. She was glad that she finally got an answer. It had not taken much effort for her to get both numbers.

“Oh,” Ann said. She sounded somewhat surprised, but there was also a negative undertone in her one word response. The short reply let the martial artist on the phone know her feelings toward Shego.

“Yes, I know she’s not the most likeable person on the planet, but the reason I’m calling is that I was hoping our families could meet each other. Our daughters have been together for some years now and I thought it would be nice for us to all get to know each other,” Isabel explained.

Together, Ann scoffed mentally. That Shego woman was dragging her daughter and referring to her as a pet, as if Kim was some kind of animal. They were not “together” in any normal sense of the word as far as she could tell. She did not think that it was accurate to call them “together” either. It was a bit insulting to try to make it seem like the relationship was equal or normal.

“Should I take your silence as a decline?” Isabel inquired curiously. She would not be surprised if the woman wanted nothing to do with the Gooding family considering the impressions that her daughter tended to leave people with. They had actually been banned from a few places because of Shego’s attitude; all right, fine, it was not Shego alone, but if bans were tallied in the Gooding family, she would have the most under her belt. So, considering that the Possible family had met her daughter already, she believed that there was a chance they never wanted to see Shego again and might even think that the rest of the Gooding family was the same as she was.

“No, I would like to meet your family,” Ann admitted. She wanted to know what kind of people could raise a woman that was pulling her daughter around as a pet. She was not sure how the woman on the other line might behave, but she was actually considering that Isabel was probably not a good mother. She did not like being judgmental, but something or someone had to be the cause for Shego’s mindset and behavior.

“All right. I have a meeting place in mind if that’s all right with you. It’s easier to force Shego out of hiding with a specific place to torment her in mind,” Isabel remarked in light tone.

“Where do you have in mind?”

Isabel stated the location that she wanted the families to gather. She gave directions once Ann agreed. She also spoke to Ann for a little longer trying to assure the doctor that Shego was really not as bad as she pretended to be, especially when it came to Kim. Ann was not sure if she believed that since Shego was the one keeping her daughter as a pet out of everything that Kim could have been to her.

“You really need to understand that Shego is a complicated creature when it comes to relationships and that’s probably why she came up with this little thing with calling Kim a pet. It’s just easier for her when things don’t seem as serious as they truly are. They’re really close,” Isabel tried to assure the doctor.

“I’m sure,” Ann muttered.

The brain surgeon had no doubt that the pair was close. They had to be close for Kim to agree to be the woman’s pet, but that did not discount the fact that her daughter was being referred to as a pet. It was like Kim was little more than an animal there for Shego’s amusement and she just could not believe that her child had agreed to be such a thing. She doubted that there was anything in the world that Isabel could say that would make her feel more comfortable about Kim and Shego’s so-called relationship.

Her daughter was Kim Possible for crying out loud. She doubted that Shego or Isabel had any clue as to how brilliant and capable her child was. Her daughter saved lives all of the time. She was a hero in several senses of the word. She was actually a genius, even if she did not want to admit it, and there it was Shego was keeping her as a pet.

Ann could not understand why her child had even agreed to such a thing. She could not believe that Kim even entertained agreeing to such a thing. Yes, Kim had explained it all, but it still did not make any sense. Why would Kim agree to be a pet? Why not just pay the woman back for her kindness by being kind in return and be the pale woman’s friend? Did she really have to agree to be a pet of all things?

“Are you still there?” Isabel asked because of the silence.

“Yes,” Ann answered.

“Perhaps I am being a pest,” the middle-aged martial artist commented. She had no desire to try to speak with a woman that did not want to speak with her.

“No, not at all,” the redhead replied. She did want to get to know Shego’s mother with the hope that she might come to understand the woman that her own daughter was acting so strangely for.

“I suppose then you’re skeptical on the things I have said.”

“You make it all sound so innocent.”

“I’ve come to understand that it is just that,” Isabel replied. She really did not see much wrong with their daughters’ relationship. Sure, there was the one time that Shego dragged it a bit far and had Kim on the leash, but as far as she knew that was a short-lived experiment and Kim did not seem to mind. Other than that, she thought that the girls had a rather good and sweet relationship with Kim bringing Shego some much needed emotional support and Shego taking care of the slender redhead by providing her with food and shelter. They even looked cute together.

“How can it be innocent? She’s calling Kim a pet and Kim is going along with it, like she’s a dog or something. That’s not innocent. That’s just wrong,” Ann argued. She was angry that Isabel was trying to make it seem all right for Shego to be treating her daughter as a pet. It was not all right and it was not cute. It was degrading.

“Just because you don’t agree with something doesn’t make it wrong,” the graying woman pointed out. She would have thought that the mother of Kim Possible was a little more open-minded, but then again, she had to take into account the doctor’s daughter was the one being called a pet.

“I know that, but this is wrong. Kim isn’t some dog or monkey. She’s a person, a damn brilliant person if I may so myself. I mean, you might not know, but she graduated high school when she was fifteen and she was scouted by some of the best schools not just in the country, but from all over the world. She shouldn’t be playing a pet. She should be curing diseases or improving life in some way,” Ann stated soundly.

“Hmm…” Isabel hummed curiously. “I was under the impression that she was doing rather well while living with my little firefly. I have heard that she’s done great things with antivenin for snake bites. I am to understand that she’s collecting degrees like they’re baseball cards. I’ve seen quite a bit of her photographic work. I am also to understand that she’s about to publish a children’s book to help familiarize them with cold-blooded creatures.”

“That’s beside the point.”

“Is it?” Isabel asked curiously. The argument against Kim being a pet seemed to be that she was not living up to her potential, but it really seemed that she was doing just that while living with Shego.

“Yes. She’s a pet,” Ann said.

“I suppose no matter what she does, you can always counter with that and downplay what she does. But, perhaps you just need to see them together.”

“I have seen them together,” Ann replied. There was something condescending about Isabel, the doctor thought. She seemed to act like she knew everything in the neurosurgeon’s opinion and it was rather annoying.

“Oh, well, I suppose that does sort of slaughter my argument,” Isabel commented with a bit of a laugh. Okay, maybe she was not so condescending, Ann considered.

“No, go ahead,” the redhead conceded.

She wanted to hear Isabel out. Maybe Isabel would come to something that could make Ann more comfortable with what was going on with their daughters. After all, she knew that Kim was not going to quit being Shego’s pet considering the fact that the slim hero had left with Shego when they had come to the house, even though Ann and James had tried to talk her out of it.

Isabel continued on, trying to convince the doctor that their daughters were in an “innocent” relationship. Ann thought that other woman sort of downplayed things and tried to make the relationship sound normal. The relationship was anything but normal. Kim was a pet for crying out loud.

Shego stared at the house phone as it rang. She was tempted to answer it just out of curiosity, but she reminded herself that nothing good ever happened when she answered the house phone. No good came from the calls that were delivered by that demonic device, she told herself as it continued to go off. Fine, it was decided that she was not going to answer it because nothing good ever came from it.

“Shego, are you going to get that?” Kim asked, sticking her head out of the loft. She was going through more of her photographs for a nature magazine publishing. It surprised her at how often she got calls about her photographs. Sometimes, she wondered if people knew about her work with reptiles beyond her pictures of them.

“I guess,” the pale woman sighed and she picked up the phone, even though she knew she that she was going to regret doing that. “Yo,” she said into the receiver.

“Hello, firefly,” Isabel greeted her beloved daughter.

Shego frowned; nothing good ever came from answering the damned house phone! Why did she even have a fucking house phone? It was like she was begging for something annoying to happen by having the damn phone plugged in and everything. If the call was important, surely it would come to her cell long before a person thought to call her house.

“What do you want, Mommy?” the super-powered female inquired in an exceptionally irked tone.

“Nothing much, aside for a family get-together,” the older woman answered in a light tone, as if she knew that her response would not please her daughter and she was just tickled about getting on her child’s nerves.

“Yeah, well, you all go ahead and get together then,” Shego remarked. She did not see why her mother insisted on her presence at damn family functions that the woman knew she hated. It was like her mother was just pushing her until she had to kill one of her brothers…or if she went for the twins, killing two of her brothers.

“You too,” Isabel ordered.

“Why me too?” Shego demanded to know. Why could her mother not just leave her in Go City to forget that she even had brothers? Was that just too much to ask?

“Because I said so,” Isabel replied. Why did they have to go through the same dance every time that she called with the idea of getting together? It was fun and everything, but she wished that her daughter would at least change the dance every now and then.

“Mommy, I’m—” the green-skinned woman tried to object to the plan.

“Coming. So, go pack your things and get Princess ready,” Isabel commanded in a stern tone.

“Where are we going?” Shego sighed. Why even fight it? Her mother was going to nag her until she got her way anyway. The pale woman listened to her mother as Isabel informed her where they were all meeting up and then she hung up the phone. “Pumpkin,” Shego called.

“Yeah?” Kim replied.

“Pull out some beach gear for yourself.”

“Beach gear?” Kim echoed. She knew that her master had problems with temperature, but surely she noticed that it was not the time for beach gear yet. So, just what the hell was Shego going on about?

“Yeah, beach gear. Apparently, we’re flying south for the weekend.”

“South?” the redhead parroted in a perplexed tone. She was a little confused and then she realized why the spur-of-the-moment idea came up. “That was your mother on the phone, wasn’t it?” she asked. Only Isabel could have her and her master suddenly going on a trip together from a simple phone call.

“It doesn’t matter who it was. Get some beach gear together.”

Kim sighed; she wanted to get her photos together while she had the time. “Could you do it for me?” she whined.

Shego made an irked noise, which the redhead took as confirmation. It was a good to be the lazy pet, she thought. She continued going through her pictures while Shego went to pack the things that they were going to need.

Another family weekend, the emerald-eyed woman mentally sighed. Shego considered wounding herself to get out of it, but knowing her mother, she would still force Shego to show up somehow. Isabel always needed to have her way and her way involved always wanting her daughter at family functions.

(New day)

The Gooding and Possible families showed up almost at the same time at the tropical, beach front location that Isabel suggested. It was odd that they had all arrived at nearly the same moment considering the fact that the whole Gooding family came separately, aside for the twins anyway. Kim was shocked when she caught sight of her family. Shego cut her mother a glare, damning the woman with her gaze as she noticed the Possibles. She knew that her mother was responsible for the mess that they were going to undoubtedly get into.

“Mom, Dad, what are you doing here?” Kim asked as she went to greet them with a hug each, even though she was a bit anxious with them being there.

The slim hero wished that she had not worn her “Kimmie” collar because she was aware that they were touchy about her relationship with Shego, although that relationship was very hard to define now. She just knew that they would not take the sight of her in a collar very well. She hoped that they did not say anything about it. The last thing that she wanted to do was to have a repeat conversation as to why she was Shego’s pet and everything. She was only going to tell them the same thing that she already said if they asked about it, which would be a waste.

“Shego’s mother invited us,” Ann answered the question as to what they were doing there.

“Yeah, big surprise there,” Shego muttered sarcastically. If her mother managed to fuck things up for her, Shego was going to seriously fight and hurt the older woman. Not to mention never speak to her again.

Kim’s parents quickly noticed that she was wearing a collar. She had put it on because it matched perfectly with her tee-shirt. They did not outwardly react to the sight, but they did cut Shego a pair of rapid glances. If looks could kill, Shego would have dropped dead on the spot after the glances. The doctors could not believe that their brilliant little Kimmie-cub was acting as pet for Shego complete with a collar. They wished that their little girl would just get away from Shego and come back home to start over or set out on her own. Just as long as she got away from the pale green woman, they would feel a lot better.

The families took a minute to introduce themselves to each other. The twins from both families quickly hit it off, each pair grinningly telling the other “your sister is hot,” which seemed to break the ice for them. The older folks in the groups chose to ignore the twins; at least they were getting along, even though they seemed to be having a debate on whose sister was hotter. The others turned their attention to where they would be spending the weekend, a manor house that overlooked a private white sand beach. It was also surrounded by some forest, which caught Kim’s attention.

“So, Mommy, how much did this place cost?” Shego inquired.

“Not as much as you’d think,” Isabel replied.

“Try me,” Jason commented as he stared at the house. He wondered how much money his wife had stashed away for her to be able to afford such a place without telling him about it.

“It was actually a trade. I gave up a house that you wouldn’t know about for this one,” Isabel answered.

“Why’d you take it?” Shego inquired. It was not a bad house, but it seemed little large for her mother’s taste. When Isabel got hideaway homes, they tended to be modest sized structures enough for one to three people. They were usually some place where Isabel could be alone. She might take Shego or the twins to the places every now and then, but it was rare for her to let the whole family come to one of her secret homes.

“My friend wanted to get the place off of his hands quickly and I didn’t use the house that I gave him anyway. I don’t like the scene that sprang up around the little place, but he liked it and all of the land,” the middle-aged martial artist replied.

“Why would he trade houses?” Kim wondered out loud. It seemed a little decadent to her and she was about to find out that it was just that.

“His wife figured out that he used to bring his mistress here, so he wanted to get rid of the place as quickly as he could before his wife thought to search the place or pay a surprise visit,” Isabel informed them in a slightly amused tone.

“You weren’t the mistress, were you?” Jason inquired with an arched eyebrow. He certainly had a few people’s attention with that question.

“Don’t be silly, dearest,” Isabel replied with a dismissively laugh. “Now, let’s go take a look inside. Hopefully, it’s as nice as out here.”

The families stepped into the house and looked around. The place was huge, much bigger than any other house Isabel had the whole family come to. She was glad that the place was so large because it would comfortably fit both families and that was what she wanted. Perhaps, if everything went well, they would all be back at the house in the future.

They all stared around the manor and noticed all of the woodworks. The floors were hardwood and there was no carpet anywhere as far as they could tell. There were a couple of marble statues, but more a taxidermist haven than anything else that they had ever seen. There were deer heads on the walls, posed small animals, and even a whole bear standing in the lobby corner.

“I’m guessing the forests surrounding the place are pretty empty thanks to this guy,” Kim commented while looking at all of the dead animals decorating the house.

“I suppose you’ll be redecorating,” Shego said, as if she was taunting her mother.

“I should’ve told him to take everything with him that he didn’t want because I damn sure don’t want this shit,” Isabel replied.

“That’ll teach you to trade houses,” the green-skinned officer said smugly.

“Cool! There’s a pool!” both sets of twins howled as they went to the side doors.

“So the hell what?” Shego said just to rain on their parade. She knew that it was not her brothers’ first time being in a house with a pool and she doubted that it was the Possible twins’ first time either. So, they were being annoying in her opinion.

“You’re in an exceptional mood today,” Isabel noted.

“You’re pulling some exceptional shit today,” Shego countered while cutting her eyes to Kim’s parents.

Isabel shrugged. “I do try, although you might want to use this opportunity since it is here,” she commented and then turned her attention to the other young ones of the group. “Well, you guys should go pick some rooms. You youngsters can take the west wing and we’ll take the east wing,” she informed everyone.

“I get the feeling the east wing is the better wing,” Shego commented.

“Just go pick a room and stop acting like you don’t want to be here.”

“I don’t want to be here!” Shego pointed out in a snarl.

Isabel did not seem to be put off by the outburst, even though it did catch almost everyone else’s attention. She was very used to her daughter’s attitude, which was why she did not react. She merely turned her attention Kim. Her daughter did not like where things were going on already.

“Hey, Pumpkin,” Isabel said to Kim.

“Yes, ma’am?” Kim replied.

“There is a room in the west wing with not only a balcony, but its own bathroom with a hot tub. If you don’t act quickly, one of the boys might get it first,” Isabel informed the petite hero.

Shego gave her mother a look that clearly stated that she hated the older woman because they both knew what was going to happen thanks to that information. Kim grabbed her mistress by the hand and yanked her away for them to get that room before one of the boys and it was a race because both sets of twins now wanted the room, if only to get on their sisters’ nerves. Mego joined in just to join in and hopefully get some recognition. Hego went off to scold everyone for running in the house. What a spaz, they all thought in regards to Hego as he reprimanded them.

“You certainly know how to clear a room,” Ann remarked dryly.

“It’s a gift. We should probably go pick rooms before the fighting starts and we have to save some people,” Isabel commented.

“Wally, I will fucking kill you!” they heard Shego holler.

“Fuck off!” was the redheaded twins’ response.

“Well, apparently, the fighting’s already started,” Isabel said while glancing up the stairs as more noise began to make its way down to them.

“Move it, tweebs!” Kim was now heard.

“Make us!” the Possible twins retorted.

“It must be very a very nice room,” Ann said while trying to ignore all of the banging noises coming from upstairs. She wanted to be confident that as somewhat mature adults, none of the kids would seriously hurt each other.

“Yes, so I hear. The funny thing is that as I understand it, there are five very similar rooms,” Isabel remarked.

Ann held in her desire to laugh. She wanted very much to dislike Isabel, but it was a hard thing to do. She did not understand how such a woman could have raised someone like Shego. Isabel was almost the opposite of Shego. She was pleasant, almost laidback, and friendly. Shego was none of those things as far as Ann could tell.

The parents all walked off to choose their own rooms. They could vaguely hear all of their offspring going at it for that one room, even though they were on the other side of the house. They wondered how long it would take them to figure out that there was more than the one room. Isabel doubted that that would stop the fighting anyway. After all, her kids did not care if something was identical; they always wanted the one that they saw first. She just hoped no one was seriously injured.

“And stay the hell out!” Shego ordered as she flung Walter out of the room. He landed on Wallace and they both groaned. Shego slammed the door to the room.

“Sis is rough,” Walter muttered while holding the back of his head, hoping that would help ease some of the pain.

“Totally,” Wallace agreed. Their new friends, Jim and Tim, were also laid out in the hall. Mego was also out there, flattened nearby. Poor Hego had withdrawn in tears after his decidedly evil sister kicked him in the nuts extremely hard. She had warned him what was coming beforehand, but he did not seem to take her seriously and now he was bluer in the face than usual.

Shego leaned again the closed doors and sighed. She was glad for an excuse to beat her brothers up, but it was still irksome. They were such idiots and she had a sneaking suspicion that they always would be.

The moss-hued officer looked around the inside of the room. Kim was out on the large balcony, looking out onto the beach; she had been happy for an excuse to beat her brothers up too, although she was not as rough on the tweebs as Shego was on her brothers. The pale woman joined her and wrapped her arms around the slender redhead to further enjoy the view.

Maybe the weekend would not be so bad, Shego considered as she nuzzled her face in Kim’s neck. After all, she had her little monster with her and there was a scenic, romantic setting before them. Things could not be all that bad if she felt so at peace at the moment.

Next time: a couple (or more) problems pool side.

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