The Gods Must Be Laughing

Gag Fifteen



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TITLE: Side-effect

AUTHOR: StarvingLunatic

DISCLAIMER: I don’t own these characters and I don’t own this premise.

SUMMARY: AU. The sequel to On a Short Leash. Shego and Kim continue their odd relationship. Still a weird sort of Kigo.

TYPE: Kim/Shego, Kim, Ron, Other, Friendship, Romance, Slash

RATING: US: R / DE: 16

Words: 4630

Shego caressing her pet.

I suppose since no one alive will ever know this, I can admit it; I was worried sick for my little pest. I was close to frantic when she fell out in the doorway. I actually nearly cried tears of joy when I felt a pulse that signaled that she wasn’t dead, only unconscious. This little brat, I don’t know when or how she got to me, but she’s there now and I want… I need her to stay. I will take care of her and I want her to know that. She’s in good hands. I want her to believe that, I want her to know that. I will take care of her. She can always depend on me because I will take care of her.

Kim had her eyes closed. She felt … good. She felt better now than she had in about two weeks. She wondered why that was; not that she was complaining or anything. She decided to open her eyes and see why she was feeling so much better. Hey, she was a curious creature.

She saw that she was on the sofa in the living room of her home. She would have laughed, but she did not have the strength to do so. She had thought that being in the house was her problem, but she had recently learned that the location did not matter. She had left the house, thinking that she could get some sleep somewhere else because she now knew that she really needed some sleep; the way that she had acted the last time that she was home proved that she required a few straight hours of rest. She had attempted to catch up on her sleep on a park bench, but she still was plagued by evil images as soon as she shut her eyes before a cop came along and woke her up. She was ordered to move along, which she did. She supposed that she was fortunate that she had not been arrested, even though she would have just tried to use the time to get some sleep.

After resting on the park bench, Kim had gone to sleep for a little while in an alley. In her opinion, it was not as bad as many people would think; many people would also consider her out of her mind. She would admit that it was nothing compared to sleeping in a warm apartment, in a comfortable bed, curled up next to the woman that she loved. She had met the same fate in the alley as she had in the park; once again, she did not mind that a cop had woken her up because she had been having her usual nightmares. She had still been thankful that she had not been arrested; sure, she could have tried to get some sleep, but she was a little embarrassed whenever she did get arrested.

Then the redhead had gotten a brilliant idea, in her opinion anyway. She wandered to the subway station and curled up in the cleanest corner that she could find; it was not saying much compared to actual clean places, but she was not very picky. The trains came through about every three minutes, so she could not get into a deep sleep and then she figured that she would not be able to have any nightmares. She had not gotten a good sleep since it was noisy and humid in the subway, but she had tried her best to get in a few minutes if only to function properly. She still had her nightmares, but with the trains coming through regularly, she did not have time to worry about getting very deep into the dreams. Once again, a police officer found her and told her to move along and she decided to not press her luck that third time. She returned home to avoid getting arrested and only remembered making it to the door of the apartment.

“You’re up. Hungry?” Shego asked as she noticed that the redhead had her eyes opened.

“Shego,” the younger female gasped and she looked utterly confused.

“Yeah, that’s my name.”

“I’m home?” Kim inquired in a bewildered tone.

“You do live here. Hungry?” Shego asked again. She was willing to bet that the girl was famished. If the way that she looked when she arrived was any indication of things, Kim probably had not eaten since she left.

Kim shook her head and then held her head. She had a beastly headache. She winced and then hissed in pain because of the pounding in her skull. Shego was over to her within the blink of an eye and gently feeling the girl’s forehead to check for a fever; it seemed that she just could not remember that her body temperature was much too high for her to be able to tell if her pet had a fever or not. She was too concerned for the redhead to recollect such small, yet important details about herself.

“Pumpkin, are you okay?” Shego asked in a low voice. She was trying to keep her cool, but she was very worried for her pet.

“I’m just so tired. So tired,” Kim whispered in a weak voice. She had not gotten more than an hour sleep on average for about two weeks.

“Then go back to sleep,” the pale woman said in a gentle tone.

“Back to sleep?” the redhead echoed and then she shook her head vigorously to disagree with that plan, even though it was not helping her headache to do such a thing. It was as if sleeping was the worst thing that she had ever heard of.

“Yeah, come on.”

“No!” Kim objected vehemently. She did not want to sleep anymore. She did not want to see her mistress having sex with Junior anymore. She hated her mind and her imagination for showing her such ghastly scenes over and over again.

Shego was shocked by her monster’s conviction in not desiring to go to sleep. She did not think that there was a time when her munchkin would decline on a nap. She was not about to let that go no matter what the girl wanted since it was fairly evident that she required rest. She had to do what was best for her little pest, whether the redhead liked it or not because that was what a good master would do.

The green-skinned woman gathered her weak pet in her arms; Kim could only moan lightly as a protest to such treatment. The redhead did try in vain to push her way out of her owner’s strong grip, but it did not work out well. She whimpered when they entered Shego’s room. The raven-haired woman ignored the sounds coming from her troublesome brat and gently placed Kim down on her side of the bed, much to Kim’s horror. The slender hero tried her best to escape the bed.

“Stay,” Shego commanded in a very stern voice. She was not letting her monster leave, no matter what the kid wanted. She seriously needed sleep and she was going to get it.

“I don’t want to sleep,” Kim whined, thinking that would be the best way to get her way. Her mistress usually responded to her whining.

“Too bad,” the elder female replied as she went to the other side of the bed.

“Shego!” Kim practically cried out as if she was in some kind of agony. It did pain her to even consider sleeping in the bed.

“Be quiet and go to sleep,” the pale woman ordered as she eased into bed. She pressed herself against the smaller female to help relax her.

“Shego…” the girl said in a low, almost feeble voice. The comfortable and secure space was already getting to her.

“Go to sleep,” Shego repeated.

Kim attempted to protest, but it did not work out. She did not know it, but within a couple of minutes, she was sleeping as soundly as worn out kitten. Shego looked down at her pet and could only wonder about the girl and what happened. She supposed that she would get the story later on when her pet was completely well, even though part of her really did not want to know what Kim did in her off-time if it left her in such a sorry state.

When the slim adventurer woke up, she noticed where she was and it mystified her. She scratched her head and sat up. She looked at the clock and noticed that it was early in the evening. She wondered what was going on and why she had not had her usual nightmares if she was sleeping where she was, not that she was complaining or anything. It was great that she had not had her usual nightmares, of course, but she was still puzzled by that fact.

Kim got up from bed and wandered out into the living room. She yawned, still feeling extremely worn out. She could smell food being prepared and her stomach growled, loud enough to catch her mistress’ attention.

“Princess, you up?” Shego called from kitchen.

“Yeah. I was…asleep?” Kim wondered in a low voice. She had really slept without having her nightmares; it amazed her. She was almost accustomed to having the nightmares, even though they kept her awake and ruined her sleep. She was just astonished to have had a peaceful sleep without having to be knocked unconscious or something worse than that.

Shego went out into the living room to see how her pet looked. She had to admit that the slender hero looked much better now compared to when she saw earlier. She caressed her pet’s head and Kim’s eyes drooped just a bit; she was undoubtedly affected because of the attention that she was getting. She understood that getting her head touched by her owner was like her kryptonite; she hoped that the secret did not get out.

“Had a good sleep?” the green-skinned female inquired.

“Yeah…” Kim sounded so bemused and she truly was. Why was she suddenly able to sleep after so many days without being able to close her eyes lest she see abominations?

“Are you hungry now?” the older woman asked in a gentle voice. It would have shocked people that knew Shego to hear her speak in such a tone and that included her one and only friend.

“Um…” The redhead’s stomach answered that question for her by growling again just as loudly as before.

“When was the last time you ate?” Shego asked.

“Um…I dunno,” the olive-eyed female muttered. She was not sure the last time that she ate. It was probably the last time that Shego made a meal for her since she had left the apartment without any money and it did not occur to her to go to a friend’s house for anything while she was out. When she left, all she had been thinking about was sleeping somewhere, anywhere. She just wanted to sleep without seeing crimes against nature occur; any other things were secondary to her.

“Oh, Princess,” Shego sighed the name. “You need to take better care of yourself if you’re going to take off for a little while.”

“I’m sorry,” the girl apologized in a low tone. She usually could take care of herself, by her own standards, but she had just been so awfully tired.

The raven-haired woman could tell that her pet was still in a daze and not completely well just yet; she did not expect Kim to get over her illness so quickly anyway. She continued to pet her girl’s head to help keep her relaxed and at ease. She led Kim to the sofa and sat down. She made the redhead sit down too and then pulled the hero’s head to rest in her lap.

“Go back to sleep for a little while,” Shego suggested as she continued to massage the adventurer’s head.

“Do I…?” the petite scientist yawned before she could get out her question.

“Go to sleep. I’ll wake you up when dinner’s ready.”



“Good…” Kim breathed out the word as her eyes fluttered closed and she fell back to sleep.

Shego stared down at her little monster. She was glad that the girl was home and in one piece. It was a relief, especially considering how the redhead had shown up at the door in the early morning and practically fainted on her. She had taken her girl to the couch, thinking that she would wake up in a few minutes. She had come back to find her pet had fallen on the floor and was thrashing about as if she was attempting to escape from something or someone. She then had collected her obviously tormented imp and set her back on the couch. She noticed immediately that Kim calmed down while in her arms, so she held onto her girl as she slept and that seemed to end whatever Hell the kid was going through.

After a while, Shego had disturbed her girl’s sleep for a moment because she thought that Kim would feel happier if she were clean; she knew that she would be happier if Kim were clean, especially since she would smell better. She had run a bath for Kim and the redhead had wandered into the bathroom with her eyes closed. She had to wash Kim because the girl just fell asleep in the bathtub; she would have drowned if Shego had not been there. She had also put the girl in fresh clothes and then returned to the sofa to let Kim rest peacefully.

“Don’t worry, Kimmie. I’ll take good care of you,” Shego vowed while rubbing her pet’s back to make sure that she remained asleep.

The slender hero whimpered a bit in her sleep, but it was not a pained or distressed sound. It was just a tiny noise and then she turned over to bury her head in Shego’s abdomen. The pale woman cuddled her pet and sat with her until she had to check on their meal. When she returned, it seemed that her rascal was back to being tortured in her sleep because she was tossing and turning almost violently on the sofa. Shego sighed and shook her head before simply shaking her monster awake. Kim sat up as if she had been electrocuted awake. She looked panicked for a long moment.

“You okay?” Shego asked while caressing Kim’s cheek, hoping to calm the little scientist down.

“I think so. How long have I been asleep?” the younger woman inquired.

“Only for about fifteen minutes. Come on, dinner’s done.”

“Pasta?” the redhead hoped.

“You’ve got a one-tracked mind. Come on.”

“Did I already ask that? It seems that way,” Kim commented while scratching the top of her head. She was apparently still not totally together, but she seemed much better now than when she had first showed up at the door.

Shego smiled a bit and just rubbed the top of her pet’s head, which made her pet smile slightly. She led her girl to the table and forced her to sit down, not that she needed to force her to. She once again petted Kim’s head as she walked away toward the kitchen. She came back with a bowl and she put it down in front of her petite monster. Kim stared down at the food and then she grinned, finally looking like she had some life in her.

“Ravioli!” the redhead shouted with joy. She practically beamed from the sight of good, hot food.

“You look better,” Shego commented as she returned to the dining room. She leaned down and kissed her girl’s head before sitting down to eat her own meal, which was not pasta.

“I feel better, especially now!” Kim replied as she began to dig in.

“Well, eat up,” Shego said with a genuine smile. She was happy to see her pet acting normally…well, for her of course.

“I will!” the slender adventurer grinned with her mouth full of pasta.

The raven-haired female continued to smile softly to herself. She was truly glad to see her pet energetic and cheerful again. It seemed like it had been an eternity since the last time that she had seen her girl smile. All she wanted to do was reach out and cuddle her brat, but she guessed that there would be plenty of time for that later on. Right now, she had to make sure that Kim was all right.

“More please,” the elfish hero requested with a wide grin.

“You ate everything that quickly?” Shego asked in disbelief. They had only just sat down a couple of minutes ago.

“Yeah, can I have some more, please?”

The older woman rose to her feet to fetch her monster some more food. She took her girl’s bowl and she went back to the kitchen. When she came back to the table, she placed the bowl down, but she did not return to her chair. She wrapped her arms around Kim’s shoulders and pulled the redhead back, trying to press the younger female against her. Kim knew what her mistress was attempting to do, but the back of the chair was in there and preventing any body contact between the pair.

The wayward scientist moved her hands onto her master’s hands. They both sighed, a content noise, from the minor skin contact. It was nice to know that Shego was concerned for her for the couple of days that she had been gone. She stayed at the apartment just for moments like the one she was having now. No words passed between them as they stayed like that for a few seconds; it seemed like they were the only two people in the whole world.

Shego eventually returned to her seat and went back to eating. Kim devoured her second helping and requested a third. The only reason that she did not have a fourth was because Shego finished her food and she did not want to be at the table alone. The apartment owner went to do the dishes and told Kim to either go watch television or to take a shower; she felt that Kim could use a thorough cleansing.

“Shego, could you shampoo my hair tonight?” Kim requested in a low voice. She really wanted to ask something else. She wanted to request that her mistress stay with her tonight. She would apologize for everything that she had done if only it would get her master to stay with her tonight.

“All right. You need it,” Shego answered.

Kim was certain that she could use it after sleeping on the street, especially that train station. She was also certain that she could use a shower; she did not recollect that she had been given a bath when she had come into the apartment. She went to take a shower to get rid of the grime from her two days on her own. After her shower, she rinsed the tub and ran herself a bath. She waited in the bath for her mistress to come and do her hair. The wait was not long.

The pale woman entered the bathroom and pulled out everything that was necessary to do her pet’s hair. She then passed Kim something to keep her occupied while she did the washing; she gave Kim a squeaky clown toy and if she squeezed it, the toy stuck its tongue out. The certified genius laughed when she noticed what the toy did; she was easily entertained a good deal of the time. She was not sure why simple things amused her, but it made life easier on her master.

“I figured you’d like it,” Shego commented.

“It’s cute,” the younger woman replied.

“Like I said, I figured you’d like it.”

The redhead smiled and she actually played with the toy while her mistress washed her hair; it kept her from requesting something that she believed was not going to happen. The toy kept her from asking if Shego would stay with her. She felt so relaxed thanks to her master and she wanted to feel that way all the time, but mostly for that night. She began thinking about how Shego made her feel point blank.

The feeling was not something Kim believed that she could put into words no matter what, but she knew that it would make her do whatever she could to just stay with Shego. She did not care what her mistress did; the older woman could even continue to date Junior, she could bone him into the ground. Kim just did not care anymore; well, she did not care at that very moment. As soon as the hot bath and shampooing was over, she was pretty sure that she was going to be back to wanting to tell her master to stay with her. She knew that she was going to want to have her mistress to herself, even if it was not going to happen.

“Come on, Princess. I’m done,” Shego informed her monster. She kissed the younger woman’s cheek for no reason and she then patted Kim’s shoulder.

The petite college student nodded and stepped out of the tub. Shego let out the water while the slim hero grabbed a towel to dry off. The green-skinned woman then grabbed a towel and put it on her pet’s dripping ginger hair. Shego then blow-dried the red mane of her munchkin before Kim was free to go and get dressed. Shego did once again kiss her pet’s cheek before releasing her to put some clothes on.

The redhead understood the anguish that she caused her mistress by disappearing as she had, even without all of the kisses and hugs that were coming her way that night. She knew what would happen if she just left, how her master would agonize over her absence, and how it would be a pain for Shego to make it through a day without her, but she had to get some sleep and she thought leaving would be the way to do that. At the time, it did not matter to her that her master would suffer from indescribable misery due to her absence; and Shego had gone through just that, even if she did not want to admit it. She just hoped that the emerald-eyed woman did not ask why she had took off or she was going to have to tell the truth and state that she needed sleep and she doubted that she would be able to get it in the apartment. She knew that hearing such a thing would wound her mistress.

Shego was sitting up in bed and thinking while Kim was snuggled up against her and sleeping soundly. The raven-haired female was supposed to be going out with Junior to party as usual. She was not sure if she wanted to go out with him. She was fairly certain that she wanted to just stay in bed with her imp curled up against her and resting peacefully. She caressed Kim’s cheek and thought about how she just did not want to leave her girl alone.

The emerald-eyed female recalled how much and how violently her pet tossed and turned when she left Kim sleeping on her own during the day. She was still and calm while next to her master and Shego wanted things to remain that way. She could see that her munchkin required a lot of rest and she wanted to make sure that she got as much as possible. She also desired to make sure that her pet slept while she could because she knew that her girl was not too good when it came to taking care of herself. She had to keep an eye on her rascal while she could.

“You’re such a weird kid,” Shego commented because Kim was a very odd creature as far as taking care of herself went.

The raven-haired woman failed to comprehend how Kim could be a genius and a legendary hero, but still unable to recall to eat while she was out. She could not believe that the girl seemed so incapable of living properly on her own. She sometimes wondered what Kim did when she was not around and her pet was in the street. She doubted that she wanted to know.

Shego was pulled from her thoughts because of knock at the front door. She knew who it was. She eased away from Kim, who made a whimpering noise when the warm body of her mistress was out of her grip. She even reached out for Shego in her sleep. The pale woman stroked the redhead’s cheek to let her know that she was still there. Kim calmed down and settled into her pillow. Shego went to answer the door.

“Hey, pretty lady,” Junior smiled as she opened the door.

The moss-hued woman did not return the expression. In fact, she never returned the expression. She hated that he smiled so much. She did not say anything about it because she was usually pretty drunk by the time that she realized that he smiled too much. Why was he always smiling? She guessed that ignorance really was bliss from the way Junior made things seem.

“Hey, Junior,” she replied in a low voice to make sure that she did not disturb her pet, even though the girl was way back in the bedroom.

“You do not look ready to party hearty,” Junior observed; she was wearing her house clothes.

“Yeah, about that, I don’t think I’m going to go out tonight,” she informed him.

“No? But, why not?” he inquired, appearing extremely disheartened by the news.

“I’ve got something to take care of. Maybe we can go out in a few days or something,” she offered. She did like going out, but right now, her pet needed her and she had to be there for the girl. She would not feel right if she was not there when Kim needed her. She would never be able to forgive herself if something happened to her pet, especially if it happed while she was out with an oafish clown like Junior.

“Is there anything that I can do for you?” he inquired.

It was hard to tell if the sapphire-eyed young man was being sincere or if he was merely faking it as an attempt to get on her good side, not just with that question, but almost all of the time. If he was faking it, he was wasting both of their time, she silently commented. She doubted that he cared as much as he tried to make it seem, though. He was too selfish to care as much as he pretended to. He actually did care somewhat, as much as he could anyway about someone that was not himself.

“Nope. Bye,” Shego replied and she slammed the door in his face. Junior was very bewildered by what just happened and he looked heartbroken to not be able to go out with Shego that night.

The officer returned to her pet to discover the redhead moving around on the bed as if she was having a nightmare. She swiftly went over to the olive-eyed female and held onto her. Kim quickly relaxed into the warm form that was holding her. Shego leaned down and kissed her sleeping pet.

“It’s all right, Kimmie. I’m here for you,” Shego whispered the promise.

Next time: Kim seems to be getting back to normal…for her anyway while Shego contemplates sexual matters.

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