One in a Billion

Reason Thirteen



1 - 2 - 3 - 4 - 5 - 6 - 7 - 8 - 9 - 10 - 11 - 12 - 13 - 14 - 15 - 16 - 17 - 18 - 19 - 20 - 21 - 22 - 23 - 24 - 25 - 26 - 27 - 28 - 29 - 30 - 31 - 32 - 33

TITLE: Flip-flop

AUTHOR: StarvingLunatic

DISCLAIMER: I don’t own these characters or the original premise behind this saga.

SUMMARY: AU. Sequel to The Gods Must Be Laughing. Shego and Kim are now trying to be a regular couple and do the things that they see their friends doing, like get married and have kids.

TYPE: Kim/Shego, Romance, Slash

RATING: US: R / DE: 16

Words: 5124

It’s amazing how emotional invested one can get, especially when you didn’t know it was such a big deal in the first place. Well, no, you knew, but you didn’t know it meant so much at first.

Kim was speechless. She could not believe the phone call that she just had. It was a good thing that it was a phone call too because had it been in person, she would have done something inappropriate, like kiss the callers right on the mouths because of her excitement. Felix and Monique had called to let her and Shego know that he would donate sperm for them to have a baby. The redhead could not believe how good that news was.

“Shego!” Kim hollered once her voice decided to return to her.

“What? What? What are you screaming about, you little monster?” Shego inquired as she stepped out of the kitchen, where she baking a cake. She did not have anything better to do and she liked Kim’s expression when she saw freshly baked goods. Besides, she thought that it might cheer her spouse up, but it would seem that someone beat her to that if Kim’s voice was any indication of her mood.

“He agreed!” Kim yelled as she launched herself at the pale woman. She leaped on Shego, knocking the older woman backwards. Shego fell to the floor since there was nothing to impact behind her and her lover had hit her with a good amount of force.

“Who agreed with what, Princess?” Shego inquired with a cough and a groan thanks to the fall.

“That was Felix and Mo! He’s going to give us the sperm and we’ll get to have a baby!” the redhead reported with a grin.

Wow, that was great news. So great in fact that she could not think of a response. All she could do was embrace her wife and passionately kiss the amp’ed redhead. Kim accepted the kiss and returned it with just as much passion.

“We’re gonna have a baby!” Kim cheered as soon as the kiss was done. She was grinning widely, merrily.

“Calm down, Princess. We still have to get you pregnant and everything,” Shego pointed out, reaching up a hand to caress her spouse’s cheek.

“Oh, it’ll be great. Smiles’ll have someone to play with when he comes over. Oh, we’ll have a baby. Maybe another son. Maybe a daughter,” Kim commented, still smiling all the way through.

Shego laughed a bit. It would seem that neither of them had anticipated how much Kim wanted a child, even though it was had been pretty clear for a few months on how Shego felt about the matter. Kim seemed so much more hyped about it now that it was close to being a reality.

“What are you laughing at? Aren’t you happy?” Kim asked because she had expected a bigger reaction out of her spouse.

“You know I am,” Shego answered. “But, I think I’ll contain it. One of us has to be the adult around here,” she teased.

“Being an adult is boring then. Smile for me?” the redhead requested with a rather adorable pout on her face.

The green-skinned woman fulfilled the request and smiled for her mate. Kim went back to smiling and she leaned down for another kiss. They were going to have a baby of their own. They were going to get a chance to be fulltime parents. They both doubted that they could be any happier than they were at the moment.

“Hey, are you making a chocolate cake?” Kim asked curiously when the extremely long and fervent kiss was done and she took note of the smell in the kitchen.

“Yes, I’m making a chocolate cake,” Shego answered with an amused look in her eyes. Kim was just too much sometimes, she thought.

(New day)

Everything was set up and all Felix had to do was what he thought should have been simple. All he had to do was “shoot off in a cup,” as he continued to put it. He entered the room that he was led to in order to do his business and things got complicated in his opinion. He did not like the place.

He stared around the room and all of the magazines that were around the place. He frowned as he looked at the covers. He had never seen so many obviously fake breasts in all his life and he was surprised to find himself disgusted. It was not that he was opposed to large breasts, but fakes ones seemed to be his undoing.

He turned away from the magazines and noticed that there was a television set in the room too. He could guess what was going to be on, but he tried it anyway. It might not be so bad, he told himself. He turned the television on and then quickly turned it off; it was full of more huge, fake breasts.

“Shit,” Felix muttered. He could have sworn things were going to be easy, but it seemed like he had been being too much of an optimist. “Wait, my trump card,” he reminded himself.

The brown-haired young man went into his pocket and pulled out a picture. He had taken it just last night, in case of such an emergency. Monique had been kind enough to pose for him, which he thought was great of her since she still seemed a bit uncomfortable with the whole idea of him donating to Kim and Shego for them to have a baby. He eyed the picture for a few seconds and then sort of panicked because nothing was happening.

Felix was now beginning to think that something was wrong with him. What if he could not do it? Kim and Shego would think that he was playing around with them, toying with their emotions. Kim might give up the idea on wanting a child and it would be all his fault.

What if it was even bigger than that, though, he began to consider. What if it was the start of him never being able to get it up again? What if he would never be able to satisfy his wife again? Oh, god!

Felix reached into his pants’ pocket and pulled out his cell phone. He immediately called the one person that he thought would be able to assist him in his current predicament. He looked rather panic-stricken by that time.

“Yeah, baby?” Monique answered the call.

“Baby, I need you to talk dirty to me,” he implored her.

“Um…babe, I can’t do that right now. I’m about to go pitch designs, remember? How’s everything going?” she inquired in a rather caring tone while she was trying to gather up her portfolio folders. She was going to enter an office as soon as she got her husband off of the phone.

“Everything’s going wrong! This place is fucking disgusting! I don’t think…I don’t think I can do it,” he admitted in a whisper.

“Oh?” Monique did not mean to sound as intrigued as she did, nor did she mean to sound as hopeful as she did. She knew how much the whole thing meant to Kim and everything, but there was still a part of her that was not ready or wanting in sharing any part of her husband.

“I don’t think I can do it. Can you come back and get me now? I need to get out of here,” he stated. The room itself was now making him terribly uncomfortable.

“Baby, I’ve got to do this first. If you wait for me, I’ll be there in like half an hour,” she informed him.

“Half an hour? I’ll take the bus home,” he told her.

“It can’t be that bad, sweetheart,” she argued. Felix hated taking the bus because everything that was involved in it because of his chair. It was one of the few things that made him self-conscious about his condition.

“It is. You haven’t seen it. They got all of these disgusting ass magazines with all of these fake tits and now that I think about it, it’s got to be filthy. I mean, how many guys were in here before me? How do I know they cleaned everything properly in here?”

“Um…because it’s a doctor’s office,” she answered.

“You can’t always trust doctors!” he protested. He could be getting all kinds of germs and things on and in his body just from being in the room, he thought.

“Okay, sweetheart, you’re obviously bugging the hell out. Take the bus if you want. I’ll see you at home. Call me if you make it through it and want a ride,” she told him.

“All right.”

The couple disconnected the call and Felix quickly left the room and the office. He just could not take the thought of being there anymore. He was also nervous now that it might have impacted his psyche to the point that he might not even be able to be with his beautiful wife since the room had sucked all of the energy out of the provocative picture that had been for emergencies.

He made himself some tea in the hope to calm his nerves. He waited for Monique to come home, which was not very long after he arrived in. As soon as she was through the door, he was on her, hugging her around the waist. She was a bit stunned by the greeting and was not sure how to react, other than shutting the door behind her anyway.

“You’re in a better mood than you seemed to be in about forty-five minutes ago,” she commented and then she yelped as his hands went from her waist to her rump, as they had a habit of doing.

“Let’s make love,” he blurted out.

“What?” she asked because she was pretty sure that she had not heard him right.

“Right now, let’s make love,” he repeated.

“No, silly. I just got in and I got completely smashed on almost all of my designs. They want me to change almost everything and I’ve only got a week to do it,” she reported with a sigh.

“Momo, you’ve got to do this for me. I think…I think I might be broken,” he informed her.

She made a puzzled face because of his words. “You think you might be broken?”

“Yeah, you know…broken, down there,” he said while nodding down for her to get the idea of what he meant.

“Oh. Baby, you’re not broken. We both know that.”

“No, no, no, I might be. I think that place messed me up. So, could we just make love right now to make sure?” he requested.

Monique laughed a bit; he was being very ridiculous in her opinion. But, she did notice that he seemed rather distressed about everything. She figured that helping set his mind at ease would actually help her too since she was rather crushed that most of her ideas had been dismissed and she had to rework everything in a week.

She leaned down and kissed Felix on the mouth. He pulled her down onto his lap while making sure to keep the kiss going. He also kept his hands on her rear, kneading his favorite of her body parts. It did not take too long for him to realize that he was not broken; it was just that grimy room that bothered him.

The phone ringing caused Felix to use his easily favorite curse word. “Shit,” he muttered because he was startled. The body on top of him was startled too, which caused her to stop moving much to his annoyance. He mumbled his favorite curse again and grabbed the phone from the nightstand. When he saw who was calling, he swore one last time.

“Who is it?” Monique asked because of his reaction.

“Kim or Shego,” Felix answered.

“Don’t answer it,” she suggested.

He decided to follow that notion and not answer the phone. He focused back on his wife while muting the phone to avoid such an interruption again. She leaned down to kiss him and she started moving again.

“The fucker is not answering the phone,” Shego growled in anger while throwing the house phone to the floor in a huff. It luckily was not destroyed on impact.

Kim was sitting on the couch while Shego fumed over the fact that either no one was home at the Renton residence or they were not answering the phone. The redhead was twiddling her thumbs and wiggling her toes while being scrunched up on the sofa. She appeared rather distraught, knowing that Felix had not done what he promised to do.

“Maybe it’s better this way,” Kim muttered.

“No, Princess, don’t talk like this,” Shego said as she went over to her disappointed mate and embraced her.

“But, maybe it is. I mean, we’re really busy. We probably wouldn’t be able to have time for a baby. I mean, I still want to do missions and I’ve got all this schoolwork all the time and you’re always bugging out with work. We don’t have time for a kid,” the redhead commented.

“Pumpkin, don’t talk like that. We’re going to have this baby, okay? We are,” the pale woman promised.


“The way we planned. Felix is giving us that sperm if I have yank his fucking sack off and take it to the doctor’s office myself,” Shego vowed.

“You can’t just hurt my friend like that,” the younger female objected.

“Oh, you think I can’t? The little bastard gave us his word and he’s going to keep it,” Shego declared. “Go get dressed.”

“What? Why?” Kim asked. It was their day off, so they were both in house clothes.

“Go get dressed,” the older woman repeated while climbing to her feet. She would be damned if she was going to let Felix just back out of things now, after her wife had gotten so hyped about having the baby.

Kim did not argue and she went upstairs to change into some proper clothing. Shego was wearing clothes that she felt comfortable enough in to go outside. She picked the phone back up and dialed the Renton home again. No one was answering. All right, fine, she commented mentally.

“I got something for that ass,” Shego muttered.

When Kim was dressed, the couple left the house. The olive-eyed scientist guessed where they were going after a couple of minutes in the car, so she did not bother to ask. She was curious as to what her spouse was trying to accomplish, but she figured that she might as well wait and watch everything play out.

They pulled up to the apartment complex that Felix and Monique lived in. Shego parked the car and practically pulled her wife out of the car up to the apartment. She then pounded on the door with almost as much force to knock it over.

“Do not fucking play with me,” Shego growled because no one was answering the door.

“They might not be home,” Kim pointed out.

“Fine. We’ll wait for them and make sure we don’t miss them,” the emerald-eyed female stated. Kim was not following and then her eyes practically fell out of her head as she saw that Shego was carrying tools with her to break into the apartment.

“Sweetie, what the hell are you doing?” the redhead inquired.

“We should be comfortable while we wait if they want to be so fucking inconsiderate,” the pale woman replied. She was rather upset with Felix for ducking out on them and not doing what he was supposed to. He was just a liar as far as she was considered and she did not like that he had lied to her and her lover.

“But, you’re breaking in.”

“The only way in unless you’ve got a key you haven’t been telling me about and if that’s the case, I want to hear the story behind that shit.”

“Of course I don’t have a key,” the scientist pointed out. What the hell would she be doing with a key?

“Well, then, we’re going to have to get in the fun way,” Shego commented.

Kim did not argue because she knew that her spouse would not listen. Shego worked on the lock and opened the door. They stepped inside and heard the shower going. It would seem that people were home, especially since they could see Felix in the kitchen.

“Son of a bitch,” Shego growled and she looked like a vexed tigress.

“Shit,” Felix said when he saw the couple. It seemed like he should have stayed in the bedroom for one more minute. “If you give me half-a-minute to live, I swear I can explain what happened,” he implored the pair.

“If it doesn’t involve the fact that you’re not dead, don’t worry, I’ll correct that,” Shego declared while igniting her hands.

“Whoa! Shego, you wouldn’t hit a guy in a wheelchair, right?” he commented, even thought he was certain that they all knew the answer to that one.

“You don’t know me well then,” she informed him with a snarl as she began stalking toward him.

“Shego! Wait, come on!” Felix said while backing away.

“Fuck that!”

“Look, I couldn’t do it!” he screamed at the top of his lungs.

“What do you mean you couldn’t do it?” she demanded to know.

“What’s going on out here?” Monique asked as she joined the commotion, dressed in pajamas that were wet from her shower. She had not dried off as best she could because she wanted to know what was going on outside.

“Hold on,” Shego said to Monique without turning her attention completely from the man of the hour, Felix. “Now, explain to me what the fuck you mean you couldn’t do it?” the pale woman repeated.

“I just couldn’t. I don’t know what guy could. That room was gross and the shit in it, grosser still. I just couldn’t do it,” he explained.

“All you had to do was let go in a fucking cup. Was it too easy or something? Damn it, I bet if some freaky ass calculus problem was involved you could’ve done that shit, but it was too much for you to just bust in a cup?” Shego huffed.

“The room was disgusting! I might have something just from being in there!” he argued.

“You take your ass back there and you go in that fucking cup!” she commanded.

“Hell, no!”

“Hell, yeah!”

“You two!” Monique hollered to get them to shut up with their pointless argument.

“What?” the two barked back.

“This is obviously not getting us anywhere. Felix didn’t like the room and he won’t like it no matter what. Maybe you two should just find someone else,” Monique stated.

Kim frowned at that suggestion and then suddenly just looked utterly defeated. It was the first time that any of them had seen her appear in such a manner. Gone was her usual confidence, her underlying natural “Kim-ness,” and the spark that often made her seemed wired no matter what time of day it was. It was like her soul had been sucked right out of her body.

“Kim?” Felix said because of her expression.

“Let’s just forget about it,” the redhead dismissed the whole matter and she turned to leave the apartment.

“Princess,” Shego called to her mate. “Damn it,” she mumbled as Kim dashed out of the apartment.

The pale woman took off after her wife, but the younger woman was the faster one out of the pair of them. She followed Kim down the stairwell, but by the time she hit the street, Kim was gone. She grumbled all sorts of swear words to herself and then decided to go back up to the apartment, probably to take her anger out on that damn reneging scientist.

“Did you catch her?” Felix asked when Shego came back.

“The fuck does it matter to you?” the moss-hued officer snarled.

“I didn’t mean to upset her,” he argued.

“The fuck do you mean you didn’t mean to upset her? You got her hopes up that we were going to have a baby and then you backed out of that shit at the last second. Not to mention, you didn’t even bother to tell us that you weren’t going to do it. What the hell, man?” Shego said, her voice starting to sound desperate along with angry.

It was starting to hit Shego that she and the love of her life were not going to have a baby. They were so close to having a family and that had been snatched away. They were going to be stuck being part-time parents. She bit into her lip, unable to continue her tirade as the power of that realization overcame her.

“Fuck it,” Shego sighed and she just walked out of the apartment. She could not chance shedding tears in front anyone that was not Kim.

“I think I messed up, Mo,” Felix muttered. He had never felt so bad about something than he did at the moment, knowing that he had just crushed the dreams of one of his best friends and her wife.

“You didn’t do it alone, baby,” Monique commented. It had been her words that seemed to be the final nail in the coffin and sent their dear friend fleeing the scene while looking like her world had just come to an end. She doubted that she could have felt any worse about things than if she had just punched Kim in the stomach while she was at it.

“What am I supposed to do, Mo? I can’t do it there. That place is just nasty,” he stated.

“There are other methods. We’ll let them cool off and then talk about it,” she replied. Her husband nodded.

Night set in when Kim entered the house, dragging her body as if she had been beaten by a gang of supermen. The house was totally dark and empty, mimicking how Kim felt inside as far as she was concerned. She made it to the steps before walking just seemed like too much trouble and she collapsed on the stairs, choking back a sob.

She had wanted that baby so badly, she realized. She was aware that she wanted the child, but now that she could not have it, she realized just how badly she wanted it. There had to be someway. There just had to be.

“Princess, you okay?” Shego said as she noticed the lump by the stairs. She had just come in through their back door.

“Shego!” Kim threw herself into her wife’s safe arms and proceeded to weep on the older woman.

“It’s all right,” Shego said in a soothing tone. She was actually glad that the redhead was crying. She preferred that to Kim just bottling it all up. Besides, she had cried on Kim a few times, so it was time for her to allow the same.

“I didn’t know it, but I want this baby so badly. I want us to have a baby. I want us to have a family together,” the olive-eyed hero bawled.

“I know, Pumpkin. I know,” Shego whispered while gently rocking her wife in her arms to comfort her.

“What are we going to do?”

“Well, I guess we could get someone else,” the pale woman replied and when she felt her petite spouse go rigid, she knew that she had to add to that one. “Maybe one of my dumb brothers would do it. I mean, maybe it’ll work out all right. We are alive, after all, despite the radiation,” she commented.

Kim shook her head in a weary manner. She did not want to run that risk. She was tired from the whole ordeal. She could not take the emotional let down again anyway. If Shego’s brothers did agree, but ended up doing what Felix did, it would wipe her out. So, she was done with it.

Shego sighed; she did not know what else to do or say. She lifted her smaller wife into her arms and carried her up to the bedroom. She lay down with Kim in her arms and just held Kim through out the night. The redhead only wept.

The ringing of the phone took Shego out of a dreamless sleep. She jerked up because of the shocking noise and checked on her wife before thinking about the damned phone. Kim was sleeping; her mouth was open slightly and there was evidence of her crying dried on her cheeks. Shego then reached for the phone and caught sight of the clock. She figured that it was probably her boss trying to reach her in order to curse her out since she was not at work yet. She did not bother to look at the caller ID.

“Hello?” she answered the phone in a groggy tone.

“Shego?” Felix’s voice came through the receiver.

“What the fuck do you want?” she inquired rather hostilely.

“Look, I’m sorry about yesterday. I should’ve at least told you guys I couldn’t go through with it. I still want to help, though. You just need to tell me what to do and not ask me to go into that room again.”

“All you had to do was go in the room.”

“I know, but it was disgusting. Imagine being in a gas station restroom, okay? And then imagine having to masturbate in there because that was what it was like to me. I’m not backing out, but we need to come up with another plan here. If you guys are willing to talk it out, I’m still up for donating to you,” he explained.

“I’ll get back to you on that. I might have a situation thanks to that shit you pulled yesterday,” she stated.

“Sorry again,” he apologized because he was sorry and he hoped that they knew that.

“Yeah,” she practically grunted and then she disconnected the call. She decided to call work just to let Betty know that she was not coming in. She explained that she was as having “a situation” and nothing further. Betty accepted that.

With those things out of the way, she wrapped her arms back around Kim and just held the younger woman. She rested her head on top of Kim’s head and kissed Kim’s temple. Was she going to tell Kim that Felix called? It would probably drudge up all the suffering that the redhead went through last night and it was possible that Felix might flake on them again. She wanted to chance it, though. He sounded sincere and she wanted a child with Kim.

“I guess I know what I’m going to do then,” Shego told herself.

When Kim woke up, Shego did wait for her to get herself together. The redhead cuddled up into the warm body that was her love and sighed because of the secure feeling that swept through her like gentle winds because of Shego’s presence. She smiled a bit to herself and silently thanked whatever force it was that dropped her in the lap of Shego.

“Princess, Felix called,” Shego replied and Kim went stiff. She tightened her grip on the redhead as she continued on. “He apologized for yesterday and says he still wants to help. We just have to think about a different way to do it than having him in that room,” the older woman explained.

“And how are we going to do that?” Kim asked.

“That’s why we’re going to get together and talk about other options. So, let’s get up, take a shower and brush our teeth.”

Kim seemed to think about that. “Shower together?” she asked with a pout.

Shego smiled a bit; at least the redhead was acting more normal now. “Sure,” she agreed and she leaned down to kiss her little wife.

The couple got out of bed and went to clean themselves up. Shego made sure to be supportive in any way that Kim seemed to need through out the morning, even offering to brush the redhead’s teeth for her. Kim declined the offer with a small smile while thinking about just how sweet her lover could be.

Shego did not think about her behavior. She just knew that she had to be there for her spouse because the redhead would be there for her if only the olive-eyed female was not so overwrought. She had not thought that the baby meant so much to Kim until now. She had actually thought that Kim was going through it all for her, but it would seem that the scientist really did want a family as much as she did. It was good to know.

Kim and Shego sat around Monique and Felix’s kitchen counter. The two couples were in Monique and Felix’s apartment. They were now trying to figure out how to get Felix’s sperm out of his body without him having to go back into the room in the clinic.

“What about if he just did it here? You could pick it up and go to the clinic,” Monique pointed out.

“Yeah, sounds good,” Felix agreed.

“We’d never make it in time. That traffic is always fucking ridiculous,” Shego pointed out. They would only have a limited amount of time to make it to the doctor after Felix gave them his sample and she doubted that they would make it. The traffic into downtown and in downtown was never good.

“Yeah, you’re right about that one. What’s left?” Monique wondered out loud.

The four of them sat there and tried to think everything over. They were not sure how else they could go about things. Shego ended getting frustrated with the fact that they could not think of anything.

“Damn it, we’re making it seem like the easiest way to go about this is to just let him fuck her,” the pale woman huffed.

“Whoa,” the three friends said because of that declaration.

“I think you’re going a bit too far there,” Monique commented.

“It was a joke,” Shego stated. Like hell she wanted that little lecher touching her little lecher.

“It wasn’t funny,” Monique said.

Kim and Felix looked at each other. It seemed like they were thinking the same thought. They were just waiting to see which one of them was going to say it first. Kim broke down, feeling she might get in less trouble than her scientist friend if she was the one that said it.

“That might actually be the best way to go about this,” the redhead said and that earned her puzzled/incredulous/vexed looks from Monique and Shego.

Next time: baby making 101.

1 - 2 - 3 - 4 - 5 - 6 - 7 - 8 - 9 - 10 - 11 - 12 - 13 - 14 - 15 - 16 - 17 - 18 - 19 - 20 - 21 - 22 - 23 - 24 - 25 - 26 - 27 - 28 - 29 - 30 - 31 - 32 - 33