We wonder and wonder, but it doesn’t get us anywhere. Even when we talk, we still wonder. Our minds seemed both for us and against us, wanting us to succeed and fail. How can we make it through in such a state?
Kim lay in bed, rubbing her stomach. Shego wanted her to carry their baby if they had one. She could not help wondering why that was, when she was not wondering if she could handle that task anyway. Why just her? She could not figure it out, but the thought of just her carrying their baby made her nervous.
She did remind herself that even if it was both of them, she would still have been pregnant. No matter what, she was going to carrying a baby. Maybe it would be best for one of them to do it and the other could be there for support. She was not sure. Maybe she would feel better if she knew why Shego was leaving the “hard part” to her.
She looked up at Shego, who was sleeping peacefully. Kim wondered what reasons her beloved had for not wanting to carry a baby with her. She hoped that they were really good reasons because if it was something like not wanting to quit work for a little while or something like that, Kim would not accept it. She supposed that the best thing that she could do was ask Shego about things in the morning or the evening, whichever time seemed best.
She decided to settle in for sleep now that she had the decision done. She rested her head on Shego’s shoulder; she almost never used a pillow and things had been that way since she was allowed to share a bed with the pale woman. The only reason that there were pillows on her side of the bed was for the symmetry.
(Next day)
“Hey, Shego,” Kim said. They were sitting at the table, having breakfast. She was having some oatmeal while Shego was eating a toasted bagel and reading the newspaper.
“What?” the green-skinned woman asked.
“How come you only want me to carry a baby?”
The question earned Kim her spouse’s full attention. Shego put the newspaper down and looked at the redhead. She seemed to consider what she should tell the olive-eyed female and then she looked back at her newspaper.
“I’ll tell you later. For now, I figured we’d do a trial run of the things we talked about yesterday. Let’s see if we can live up to those things for a few months and then we’ll move on to the next phase,” Shego answered.
“The next phase?” Kim echoed. There were more phases? It sounded like some grand scheme to win a battle.
“Yes, the next phase, but we’ll talk about that a little later. For now, we just need to see if we’re ready for this. We have to change our lifestyles.”
“Plus, we have to get ready for Smiley this summer,” Kim added with a grin. She was looking forward to having their son for the whole summer. It would be so great, she thought. He was going to be their fulltime child for the entire summer. She was going to make sure that it was a time to remember.
“That we do.”
“We should sign him up for swimming lessons and some kind of sport. Or we could send him to kung-fun classes. I know a great teacher,” the redhead declared.
Shego smiled a bit. She was glad that Kim was so hyped about having Todd for the summer. It showed that the younger female was ready and willing to take care of a child. She figured that the redheaded adventurer would try her best to make it through their few months trial period to prove that they could change in order to support a baby.
“You need to wait for Smiles to show up for that one. You don’t know if he wants to learn how to swim and we’re not having any strange people teaching my boy kung-fu. If anybody teaches my gremlin how to fight, it’s going to be me,” Shego proclaimed.
Kim chuckled a bit. “Well, you’re going to have a busy summer running after him then. We really should plan some good stuff to do with him, like a trip to the zoo.”
“Yeah, and I’m going to leave you both right in the reptile house.”
“It would feel like home,” the hero remarked.
“Yeah, but with less snakes,” the pale woman commented.
Kim laughed a bit and they finished up breakfast. They departed the house after exchanging a deep kiss and they went their separate days. It was time to try and change how they lived to see if they were prepared to be fulltime parents.
(New day)
Getting Todd was Hell on Earth as usual, but they finally managed to pry him away from the bastards that did not want him around anyway. His birth parents just had a problem with releasing the child to a married lesbian couple. Shego thought that one day when they came to get Todd, she was just going to go bananas on his birth parents and break their arms and legs. She could not understand why they put up such a struggle over a boy that they did not want and they knew that he was going to get to Shego and Kim somehow. They were such pricks, she thought heatedly.
They thought that having Todd around would help them in testing their willingness and drive to be fulltime parents. They would be able to see if they could take care of him for the whole summer and for them, that would be confirmation that they were ready for a baby.
They had been doing well with trying to change their lives. Kim had taken to turning down missions every now and again, especially if some well-trained law enforcement agency could handle it, if they put their minds to it anyway. She was also more cautious than she used to be when she went out. She had not fallen through any roofs recently, much to Shego’s delight.
Shego had been following more safety procedures at her job, even though she had found that it was a little difficult to do that when she was chasing down a band of super-powered psychos that thought it was a good time to rob a bank. It was even harder when there were monsters ripping about the city thanks to some scientific mishap or insane scheme. Still, she tried her best to be careful, reminding herself that it was her idea that they be cautious and try to prepare for having a baby.
She silently admitted that the best thing about their whole “trying to careful” deal was that Kim did not come home as often anymore with horrible wounds. Shego found herself worrying just a little less about her heroic spouse, but, of course, she still worried. Kim was just about the only person that she worried about, except for their part-time son anyway.
Thinking about Todd, she glanced into the back seat since he was so quiet. He had actually fallen asleep. He was lying on top of his saber-tooth plush toy that they had gotten him his first Christmas with them. She smiled softly to herself.
“Ah, I see you smiling,” Kim said and that ruined the moment.
“Damn it, Princess. Just shut up,” Shego huffed. She did not have a better comeback at the moment because she had been enjoying reflecting on their little redheaded son.
Kim smiled. “You’re so grumpy, honey,” she commented with a huge grin. She loved using all kinds of terms of endearment on Shego, but no one ever seemed to stick.
“Don’t make me pull this car over and whip your ass,” the green-skinned woman replied.
“You don’t want to pull this car over or I’ll whip your ass,” the olive-eyed adventurer teased.
Shego frowned and decided to just ignore her monster or they were seriously going to have to fight on the side of the road. So, where they ready, she wondered. Could they take care of a child fulltime? She supposed that they were about to find out and that was a good thing.
Having the Todd was something like what Shego expected, but there were also unanticipated things with him being in the house. She expected him to be hyper, run around, and act out while he had the chance. She just thought that he would settle down eventually, but so far that was not the case.
He had jumped at the chance to get swimming lessons when Kim suggested that to him. Kim was supposed to be responsible for going with him and watching him. Shego wanted to see how that was going to over. Something inside of her told her that every now and then, she was going to get stuck with the task of taking him to the pool and having to deal with loudmouth brats for the day. It only happened once when Kim found herself stuck out of the country because a ride from a mission had broken down, but Shego seemed to take it personally.
That night, she and Kim actually had a fight; it was not a physical fight, but it probably would have made more sense to the redhead if it was. Shego had tried to start it the second that her wife came in, but the slender scientist refused to rise to the occasion because Todd was around. As soon as they put him to bed and they went to their room, all bets were off though.
“What the fuck was that all about today?” Shego demanded to know, heated expression on her face to match her tone.
“Look, I got stuck. What do you want to do, flap my arms and fly back here from Mexico?” Kim countered.
“You’re the one that wanted him to do this swimming shit. If you’re not going to be able to take him, then you shouldn’t have signed him up for it,” the pale woman stated.
“It was just once. You could’ve left him with Mo if you didn’t want to take him to class,” the younger female huffed. It was not like it was a must for Shego to take Todd. He could have stayed with Monique, who had been babysitting him because Kim had been called away on what she thought would be a quick mission.
“Oh, yeah, so I can be the bad guy, right? So, he can remember that She-she didn’t take him to class when Kimmie said so,” the raven-haired officer barked.
“It wasn’t like that at all,” Kim argued. She just knew that he liked swim class and he would not want to miss it. Since she could not be there, she thought that Shego would have no problem with watching him, even though it meant that she had to leave work early. She did not see why that would be a problem, though.
“Yeah, right,” Shego scoffed and she folded her arms across her chest.
“Shego, what the hell did you want me to do? Ask Monique? Because if this happens again, I will do just that. Simple as that and we won’t even have to talk about this anymore,” Kim stated.
“Oh, now you’re going to try to make it seem like I don’t want to be a part of my son’s life?” the green-skinned woman inquired with much attitude.
Kim sighed and pinched the bridge her nose in frustration. It would seem that nothing she did was working out that day when it came to Shego. She did not even see why her wife was upset. She thought that Shego would have a good time watching Todd nearly drown; he was not a strong swimmer yet and just loved being in the water more than anything else. She knew that she enjoyed watching him because he was so happy, so she thought that it was only logical that her spouse would like it too since their child enjoyed the water so much.
“Baby, what the fuck do you want from me?” Kim opted to ask from frustration. What was she supposed to do? What was she supposed to say? Why were they even arguing? She did not know and she was wary of it already.
“Just come right out and say whatever the hell you’re trying to say,” Shego demanded.
“I’m trying to say that if you didn’t want to take Smiley, you could’ve said so. You could’ve left him with Mo and everything would have been all right. If he wanted to know why he didn’t go swimming today, I would’ve told him when I got in that it was because I got stuck in another country. That’s all. I didn’t think you’d be so angry about it,” Kim explained.
“You said you’d be responsible for all this shit, but just a little while into, you’re pushing it on to me,” Shego pointed out.
Kim sighed. “It was this one time. But, fine, I won’t ask you do it ever again. It won’t come up,” she stated if only to end the argument because she did not even understand why they were fighting.
“Good,” the older female said sharply.
They then stood there silently, not knowing what to do now. It was their first argument as a real couple and they were not sure what to do. Kim ended up doing what she used to do whenever Shego seriously yelled at her. She left the room. Who wanted to sleep next to someone that thought she was irresponsible and was hollering at her for no real reason anyway?
Shego watched her lover leave what was supposed to be like a sanctuary for them. She sat down at the end of the bed and sighed. She rubbed her face with her hands rather hard and asked herself what the hell she had just done.
She had just blown up on Kim because the scientist had not been able to take Todd swimming and had asked her to do. She knew that she should not feel so pissy about it and she knew that it was not the reason that she was so angry. Any other time, sure, she would have been irked with having to leave work and take Todd somewhere that Kim was supposed to handle, but she would not have taken things as far as she taken them moments ago.
“Maybe it is too much pressure…” Shego thought.
(Next day)
“Kimmie,” Todd whispered while poking Kim in the arm with his pudgy little index finger. He was carrying his saber-tooth plush toy in his other hand.
“What, Smiles?” Kim asked with a groan. She was sleeping on the sofa without a blanket or pillow. It was like she had settled in for a nap, but having a full night’s sleep on the sofa was not a good move, she silently noted. She hoped that she never had to go through it again.
“How come you not in bed?” he asked.
“You’re not,” she corrected his improper speech.
“How come you’re not in bed?” he repeated his question.
“It’s a long story. So, you want something?”
“Watch cartoons and have breakfast, but She-she’s not up yet,” he reported.
“No? Well, that’s okay. I’ll make up some breakfast. What do you want?” she asked while sitting up to let him sit down on the sofa.
“Cake,” he answered with a grin. He considered that he might be able to get away with that one with Kim.
Kim laughed. “We’ll see about that one. Cake that looks like oatmeal good enough for you?” she inquired, which caused him to pout.
“Fine,” he sighed, knowing that they were having oatmeal that morning. He liked oatmeal, though, so it really was fine.
Kim got up to make breakfast while Todd turned on the television to watch cartoons, as he did every morning. A couple of minutes into his show, he heard someone coming downstairs. He knew that it was his She-she and greeted her good morning without bothering to turn around.
“Hey, booger,” Shego replied, entering the living room and leaning over the back of the sofa to kiss the top of his head.
He grinned because of the greeting, which was the reaction she expected and wanted. She then looked around for Kim because the redheads usually both could be found lounging in the living room early in the morning without a care in the world and no place to go unless they wanted to. It would seem that Kim was not there that morning. She wondered if Kim had left the house last night and not just their room.
“Hey, big head, where’s your bad influence?” Shego inquired, knowing that he would know who she meant.
“Making breakfast for us,” he reported.
“Oh, thanks.”
Todd nodded and Shego left the area. She walked into the kitchen where she saw Kim standing at the stove and stirring a pot. It was a very rare sight in the house and Shego drank it in for a moment to add to her mental images of her wife being adorable in her own odd way. And then, Shego approached, getting right behind Kim before the redhead spoke up.
“Don’t,” Kim said in a stern tone that she pretty much never used on her mate. She did not want to hear anything more from Shego, believing that she had taken enough of a verbal beating last night.
“Let me just explain,” Shego replied while cautiously reaching out to touch her spouse. She never thought that she would have to try for Kim in a tentative manner like she was doing now. She brushed her fingertips over Kim’s shoulder, only to be shrugged off.
“What’s to explain? I already know not to ask you to take Smiley anymore. End of discussion,” the shorter female stated.
“No, not end of discussion. I blew up on you yesterday for no reason.”
“No, really?” Kim said sarcastically.
“It’s just…” Shego sighed and she ran her fingers through her hair in aggravation. She could understand why Kim was upset with her because she was upset with herself for what happened between them. “Yesterday was stressful before you called and you gave me such short notice about the swimming thing, but I’m not looking to place blame you, Princess,” she promised.
“Yeah, it didn’t seem that way last night, though,” the redheaded scientist pointed out.
“I know. Look, I just…work was crazy,” Shego said as if that meant anything.
“How so?” Kim asked, turning around to look her spouse in the eye.
“Betty told me that I’m going to be interim chief while she was away on maternity leave,” Shego informed her munchkin.
“And that’s bad news?” Kim guessed.
“I don’t want her job and she sprung that shit on me just out of the blue. Not to mention, she’s going to be gone in like two weeks, maybe less than that. She’s trying her best to stay on until the last minute, but she’s probably going to leave before two weeks are up and I’ll be in charge. I don’t want this shit. I don’t want to be in charge,” the pale woman explained with an exhausted look on her face. A person might think that she was already the boss from her weary expression.
“But, it’s only for a little while,” the hero said in a gentle tone, hoping to comfort the woman that had hurt her so thoroughly roughly eight hours ago. She could forgive her lover for that, especially since she was getting an apology and an explanation.
“Still, I wished she’d pick someone else for this job.”
“You’ll do fine, sweetie,” Kim said and she grabbed Shego in a reassuring embrace, which the green-skinned officer accepted.
“I really don’t want this fucking job,” Shego sighed while pressing Kim close to her. It felt good to be embraced, especially when she was feeling so down. It felt extraordinary for someone to be concerned for her while she was feeling distressed and maybe even a little overwhelmed.
“You’ll do fine,” Kim repeated.
The emerald-eyed female did not respond. She just held Kim to her, hoping that the embrace said the words that she could not, namely “I’m sorry.” She then released Kim when they remembered the oatmeal. They ended up finding out that it burnt.
“You look at you, just messing up,” Shego teased her petite wife.
“You distracted me,” Kim argued with a good-natured smiled while throwing the food out.
“Let me handle this. You go and get Smiley into trouble,” the pale woman said.
The scientist saluted to be funny and then exited the kitchen. The older female started making breakfast and tried not to think about what happened last night. She had been so irked that she had blown up on Kim for no real reason and to make matters worse, she would have done it in front of Todd if Kim had not stopped her. That was no way to be the head of a household, she told herself.
“Maybe I’m the one that’s not ready to be a fulltime mom,” Shego considered. Maybe it was right for her and Kim to just have a part-time child if she was going to behave so poorly.
She could not believe that she had been so stupid as to nearly holler at Kim with their son right there. She knew how things like that affected a child much better than Kim did and yet, she had been the idiot. So, she supposed that it was possible that she was not ready for them to have a baby. And that would not be the only moment of doubt in her about being a fulltime parent.
(New day)
Shego and Kim were certain that they had put Todd in bed for the night. Kim had read him a story, just like he liked. Shego had turned on his nightlight for him because he still had some qualms with boogeymen sneaking in if the room was totally dark. They both kissed him goodnight and left him to dream happy dreams.
They cuddled up on the sofa for a while, watching a movie, and then they retired to bed about two hours later. They were not about to go to sleep, though. It was time for a bit of fun.
Passionate kissing was quickly followed by pajama shirts being yanked off. Hands wandered uncovered skin while moans filled the room. And then an unexpected noise joined in, their son’s voice.
“Kimmie. She-she,” Todd called from the doorway, causing the couple to turn toward the door with shocked expressions on their faces.
“Don’t turn on the light, Smiley,” Shego ordered in a bit of a panicked tone as she and Kim began searching the bed frantically for articles of clothing while making sure to remain in the dark, so that their son would not see them topless. He had enough problems without seeing the people that he thought of as his parents almost nude.
“How come?” the child asked curiously while watching their shadowy figures scramble with a puzzled looking gracing his pale features. It seemed like an odd command, especially since it was so dark. He thought that he should be asked to turn on the light if anything, but he did not flick the switch on the wall near him.
“Just don’t,” Shego commanded forcefully as she found a shirt, but it turned out to be Kim’s. She gave the top to the redhead, who quickly dressed herself.
The slender hero hopped out of the bed and went to Todd to find out what was going on with him while Shego searched the room for her shirt. Kim bent down to talk with Todd, who was holding his plush toy like a lifesaver. He looked at Shego for a moment and then turned his attention to Kim.
“What’s wrong, boogie?” Kim asked, shortening Shego’s nickname for him.
“I had a nightmare,” he reported while rubbing his eye with his freehand, looking just downright pitiful and adorable at the same time.
“Oh, so you want to sleep in here, huh?” the hero guessed.
“Uh-huh.”
“Okay. Come on, little guy,” Kim said and then she turned to look back into the room. “Um, Shego, Smiley wants to sleep in here with us,” she informed her wife.
“No problem,” Shego replied, wearing her pajama shirt, although it was riding a bit high because she practically jumped into the thing.
Kim picked Todd up, even though she knew that irked Shego to no end. They all settled into the bed with Todd in the middle of the couple because that was how he felt the safest. Shego went to bed hot and bothered and that was not going to be the last time that it happened. Kim was not a fan of it either, but she took it better than Shego. Being fulltime parents, they realized would mean less sex. They were not too sure if they were ready for that. Maybe they had jumped the gun on thinking that they were ready to be parents.
(New day)
Shego was taken from her sleep by a horrible sound, the phone ringing. She silently cursed whoever was calling her on her day off from her horrible new job of being the chief and then when she caught sight of what time it, she cursed out loud. Who the hell was calling her at five in the morning? Did the person not know how terrible her week had been? God, she did not know how Betty did that ridiculous job day in and day out. She grabbed the phone and looked at the caller ID.
“Dahntay, what the fuck, man?” Shego inquired in a groggy voice.
“She wanted me to call you. She’s having the baby,” Dahntay informed the pale woman in that horrific high pitch voice of his.
“Baby?” she echoed and for a moment, she had no idea what he was talking about. And then it hit her like a semi truck. “She’s having the baby right now?” Shego asked in a shock while sitting up.
“Yes, she wants you to come to the hospital,” he reported.
“Um…sure. Just tell me which one and let me get dressed. I’ll be there as soon as I can,” the moss-hued female assured him.
Dahntay gave her the information that she required and then she got up out of bed. She glanced over and saw that Kim was awake too. The redhead was smiling at her.
“No, you can’t come,” Shego said because she knew that was what was going through Kim’s mind.
“But, I want to see the little baby,” the hero replied.
“Someone has to stay and watch Smiley,” Shego pointed out.
“But, I want to come too,” Todd commented. He was sleeping in the bed in between them and woke up when Kim did, which was about the time Shego had answered the phone since she had done so rather loudly.
“What the?” Shego turned her attention to the little boy. “No, this is not a field trip. She’s having a baby.”
“That we want to see,” the scientist replied.
“No. You two go back to sleep. This is ridiculous. It’s a baby, not a show,” the green-skinned female stated.
“We don’t think it’s a show. We just want to see the baby,” Kim replied.
“Then you can wait for her to bring the baby home and then you can see the baby. I’m not taking you two clowns into a hospital at five in the morning. Betty isn’t going to need your special brand of lunacy at the moment. So, just go back to sleep,” Shego ordered.
“But…” Kim began to pout and Todd joined in.
“No, don’t you two start,” Shego commanded. The last thing that she wanted to see was both of her monsters doing the infamous “puppy-dog pout.”
“But—”
“No! Just wait for her to go home with the baby and then I’ll take you to see the baby, okay?” the pale woman huffed.
“You don’t trust us, do you?” Kim inquired with a half-smile.
“I know how you two act and I’m not taking you to a hospital to act that way. Betty doesn’t need your nutty antics either. So, just go back to sleep and I’ll take you to see the baby when Betty goes home,” Shego stated soundly.
“We’ll be good, though, She-she,” Todd promised.
“Yeah, what he said,” Kim agreed.
Shego sighed. She was all too aware that they were going to bug her into she gave in. They grinned because they knew that sound meant. They were about to get up and get dressed, but they knew that they needed to wait for her word.
“Fine, but you two better be extra-good or I swear you’re going to regret it,” Shego vowed.
The redheads nodded to show that they understood and the whole family got dressed. They went off to the hospital and waited around for word that Betty had the baby. Todd eventually fell asleep in Shego’s lap while they waited. They could not go see the one-eyed woman until nine in the morning. Shego carried Todd into the room since he was knocked out and the family entered to see Betty and Dahntay fussing over a little bundle.
“So, that’s your bump?” Shego inquired from the doorway. The new parents turned their attention to the family in the doorway.
“Yeah, this is my bump,” Betty answered with small smile. The “bump” was the baby and they were calling the child that because through out Betty’s pregnancy, Shego always referred to the baby as a “bump in her stomach.”
“So, what’s the little guy’s name?” Shego asked as she came in closer, standing on the opposite side of the bed from Dahntay.
“Little girl,” the new father corrected her.
“Girl? You had a baby girl?” the pale woman asked her friend. Apparently, doctors did not know everything because she recalled that the doctor told Betty that she was going to have a boy.
“Yeah. A beautiful, huge baby girl,” Betty answered with an exhausted sigh. Giving birth to a nine pound baby girl was just about the most tiring thing she had done next to fighting with her best friend.
“Lucky you,” Shego said with a small smile.
“Do you want to hold her?” Betty asked her usually cranky friend.
“I don’t know about that,” Shego answered. “I’m holding Smiley after all.”
“Put that boy down. He’s way too big to get carried around,” the one-eyed woman stated. It was something that Shego typically agreed with, but he was knocked out at the moment and she thought that it was a good time to make an exception to the rule.
“Here, give him to me,” Kim said while she put her hands out for the little boy.
Shego did not argue and handed over the child, even though she really would have liked the excuse to not hold the baby. Todd made a noise when he was exchanged from parent to parent. Shego then turned her attention to the little baby and sighed. She really did not want to hold the kid.
Betty eased the baby from her arms to Shego’s grip. The pale woman yelped very quietly, but did not have time to hope that no one noticed. She almost immediately noticed the small weight in her arms and thought about how tiny her friend’s child was. To hold such a little creature, it was amazing. To think about how helpless and defenseless the baby was; to know that the child would have to depend on Betty…it was overwhelming.
“You’re in good hands, kid,” Shego commented in her mind.
The room was silent as they watched Shego with the baby and she did not know it, but they could practically see her thoughts because of her intense expression. Betty glanced over at Kim, who was staring at Shego with similar intensity that the green-skinned woman was eyeing the baby.
After a little time passed, Shego gave Betty her child back and then tried to pretend that she had not been completely entranced with the baby by commenting that the child looked like a lizard. The baby did not seem to appreciate that and started crying, which woke Todd up. He looked over at the source of the noise and showed his age.
“Wow, it’s a baby. Why’s it making all that noise? Did someone break it?” he inquired rather seriously.
“No,” Betty answered with a laugh. “She’s not broken.”
“If it’s feeding time, we will catch you guys later,” Shego commented.
“Well then, see you later,” Betty replied.
The visiting trio exited the hospital room and proceeded to return home. Kim and Shego kept glancing at each other. Shego had come to realize something very important in her few moments of holding Betty’s little girl; she wanted a baby. She wanted a baby with Kim and she would do anything to have one.
“Hey, Princess,” Shego said.
“Yeah?” Kim replied.
“How about I take Smiley to his next swimming class?” the pale woman offered.
Kim smiled a bit. “How about we both take him for once?” she suggested and her taller spouse nodded in agreement.
Next time: it’s decided, they’re going to have a baby. But, how?