One in a Billion

Reason Seven

Past fears


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TITLE: Past fears

AUTHOR: StarvingLunatic

DISCLAIMER: I don’t own these characters or the original premise of this saga.

SUMMARY: AU. Sequel to The Gods Must Be Laughing. Shego and Kim are now trying to be a regular couple and do the things that they see their friends doing, like get married and have kids.

TYPE: Kim/Shego, Romance, Slash

RATING: US: R / DE: 16

Words: 5146

The sight and smell stir up a whirlpool of memories that make my heartbeat oddly. Reason and affections run parallel to that feeling, as if they’re racing. The former seems to be in the lead, but the latter refuses to concede.

Kim and Shego returned Todd to his biological parents, much to everyone’s dismay, and spent almost no time at home. They packed for their honeymoon and caught a flight the next day. Shego held onto Kim’s ticket for as long as she could to make sure Kim did not peek and even when Kim had to have her ticket, Shego covered the redhead’s eyes while airline staff checked the ticket out. They all looked at Shego as if she was weird, but she ignored them. It was none of their business that she wanted things to remain a surprise for her Princess.

While going through everything with the airlines, Shego did have a good time when customs checked her luggage. She doubted that she ever saw anyone look so surprised in all their days as the customs’ agent did that went through her bags. He coughed when he saw some of the things and then moved her along. She could not help smirking while walking off.

“Where are we going?” Kim begged to know, practically bouncing in her seat on the plane. The plane had not even taken off yet.

“Calm down, monster,” Shego said while putting a settling arm around her anxious wife.

“I can’t. I mean, I’m going on my honeymoon with the most wonderful woman on the planet who gave me a dream wedding, two awesome proposals, and everything that I could ever want. How can I calm down? How?” the redhead inquired, staring into her new spouse’s eyes and showing just how jumpy she really was.

Shego smiled a bit. She could not believe how special Kim could make her feel just from a few sentences and a delighted look in her olive eyes. She leaned down, touching her forehead to Kim’s and keeping eye contact. Even those simple gestures seemed loving and affectionate between the two.

“Just relax, Princess. I’m going to make this worth all of this secret stuff, okay? So, just relax,” the pale woman said in a whisper and she placed a tiny peck to the side of Kim’s mouth.

The kiss seemed to ease the wired nerves under Kim’s skin, for the moment anyway. She stopped fidgeting and turned her attention to the window. She looked out, even though they were still on the ground. She still wondered where they were going and what her spouse had planned for them.

Shego turned her attention away from her petite wife as she heard a little kid going “ew!” As it turned out, the child saw her kiss Kim and the little girl seemed to think that it was disgusting. When the kid’s mother noticed that Shego was looking at them, she turned the child away, but that did not stop Shego from opening her mouth.

“Why don’t you tell that brat to mind her damn business?” the green-skinned female commented.

“Why don’t you save such inappropriate behavior for when children aren’t around?” the woman countered.

“Because I don’t give a fuck about your kid, doy,” Shego honestly replied. If she was all right with kissing Kim around their own son, she definitely was not going to curb her behavior for someone else’s rugrat.

The woman seemed stunned into silence by the bluntness of the answer. She did not to know what to say as a riposte. Shego turned away from her, dismissing the silly woman outright because she did not need to be stressed at the moment. She was on her way to her honeymoon, after all.

Shego settled into her seat and just smiled to herself while thinking about what she had planned for their honeymoon. A week of sun, sand, and tropical water, not that she had a desire to see any of those things. The location was somewhat irrelevant, even though it was significant in its own right. It was just that she did not care about the scenery. She hoped that Kim would be of a like mind on that, but knowing how active her monster was, she was probably going to want to do things involving the beach. Shego just doubted that she would let Kim go.

The pale female glanced over at Kim as the plane began to move. Who would have thought that she would be married to that, she asked herself. Of course, she was not referring to Kim as “that” in any kind of demeaning manner. It was just a convenient way of wrapping up all that Kim was in one word. It was still so mind blowing and mind boggling. How had things come to where they were?

Shego just could not understand why Kim had fallen in love with her. The redhead said that it had happened when they first met and she could not figure out how that was plausible. She had treated Kim so poorly then, like the pet she was. What had she done to make the crazy kid fall in love with her? Was it really such a relief to have someone not expect anything of her at all?

Her thoughts were thrown off as Kim turned to her and smiled for no apparent reason, as the younger woman had a habit of doing. Shego reached over and caressed Kim’s cheek. What did it matter when or why, she now asked herself. The important thing was that Kim loved her and she was going to do her best to make her girl happy for Kim to continue on loving her.

After a while, Kim turned her attention back to the window, but found cloud-gazing boring. She looked to see what the in-flight movie was, discovering that it was nothing that she felt like seeing. She decided that she might as well go to sleep. She had a feeling that she was going to be stuck on the plane for a few hours anyway. She leaned over onto Shego and closed her eyes, falling asleep effortlessly.

Shego glanced down at Kim and she smiled again. She was not sure what she had done for Kim to be in her life, but she was eternally grateful, she was certain of that much. She just Kim let sleep, hoping that the hero slept through the whole flight, even though she was not too sure if that was going to happen. They had a fairly long flight ahead of them, after all.

Shego eventually fell asleep too. By the time the plane landed, the couple was draped on each other. They woke up after the plane taxied in and everyone else was grabbing for their luggage. They looked around for a moment or two to get themselves together. They then stood up to get their own things and to get moving.

“Hold on,” Shego said to Kim.

“What?” the redhead inquired.

“I’ve got to blindfold you,” Shego informed her.

“You have to blindfold me in the middle of a crowded airport?” the hero asked in an incredulous tone.

“Yes, I have to blindfold you in the middle of a crowded airport. Don’t you trust me?”

“Yeah, but this is still an airport.”

“Just let me do this. It’s all part of not ruining the surprise.”

Kim yielded for the sake of the surprise. It seemed like Shego had gone through a lot of trouble and wanted everything to remain a mystery, so she blindfolded Kim before they even entered the airport. Kim trusted Shego to lead her about and they successfully navigated the crowded area. They took a cab to their hotel, but Kim was not even allowed to see where they were staying yet. Shego led her up to their room and just left her standing by the door.

“Can I take this off yet?” Kim asked, anxiously tugging at the black cloth that was tied around her head.

“No, and don’t touch it either. Just leave it alone for a little while longer,” Shego ordered while putting their bags away in the closet.

“Why?” Kim whined loudly, hoping that it would gain her some sympathy and she could take the blindfold off.

“Because I said so,” came the expected response.

The smaller female sighed loudly, just to express her impatience. Shego ignored her and finished just dumping their bags in the closet. She then grabbed Kim around the waist and led her out of the room. The younger woman huffed, but went along with her spouse, wondering what the big secret was. She was ready to burst from anticipation.

The redhead tried to figure out where they might be from using her other senses. From the way sand was getting in her sneakers, she could guess that they were on a beach, which would also explain the salt water smell. Being on a beach did not narrow things down for her much because there were many beaches on the planet and she could be on any one of them with the way her wife worked.

“Okay,” Shego said as they stopped.

“Okay what?” Kim asked.

“You can take it off,” the green-skinned female announced.

Kim practically ripped the blindfold from her face to see what was going on. She found herself standing in front of some very familiar caves. She now knew where they were. They were on the island that Shego had taken her to on vacation when they were trying to take their relationship to another level; the relationship had seemed so hopelessly stagnant back then. Now, look where they were. She never would have guessed that it was possible for her to be married to Shego back then.

The caves held bittersweet memories for Kim. She and Shego had had a lovely, calm night walking along the beach and staring at the rock formations for a few minutes, making it seem like everything would be totally fine between them. And then that following morning, she had gone into the cave and made a complete and utter fool of herself by tripping over a rock and falling over a cliff, injuring her wrist upon landing and breaking her Kimmunicator. Shego had rescued her, unknowingly making her feel even worse than she had already felt since Shego had not wanted to sleep with her the night before.

Kim was speechless for a few seconds and after that all she could manage to ask was “why?” It was all she could get her brain to articulate. She was terribly curious as to why Shego would bring her back.

“When we first came here and you dragged me to see these stupid caves, you said something amazing happened to people if they stood in front of the caves long enough. You took my hand and held it tight, stating that if something amazing did happen, you wanted it to happen to the both of us. You looked so happy and I didn’t want to burst you bubble, so I just stood there quietly, not even telling you how great it felt to hear you say such simple words and do something so normal like hold my hand. And then, later that night, I ruined your happiness. I busted your bubble anyway,” Shego explained in a bit of a sorrowful and shamed tone.

The older woman thought back to that night and how she had pretty much teased Kim in such a cruel manner. Had she had the courage to just go through with what they both wanted and needed, it would have saved them so much agony. She felt like such an idiotic coward for always pulling away when she was supposed to hold firm.

“You didn’t—” Kim tried to object, but Shego would not hear it. The pale woman knew what she had done, after all.

“I did. I know I did, Princess. I messed up big on that whole trip. I don’t want that to be your memories of this place, though. This is a great island, so you deserve some great memories. We are going to do everything and anything that you want to do. I’ll even go in this filthy, smelly damn cave with you,” Shego stated.

“Really?” Kim practically squealed.

“Yes, really,” Shego answered with a smile.

“Then let’s go!” Kim cheered and she tugged her wife into the cavern.

Shego silently cursed. She had hoped that Kim would not want to go back into the cave, but she supposed that it was the right thing to do. Kim should replace the memories of falling in the grotto and having to wait for someone to save her with what should have happened that first time. Shego should have gone in there with her and just watched how happy it made the redhead. She was definitely going to do that now.

They entered the cave cautiously, recalling the slopes that lay beneath them up ahead. Shego lit the area for them using her hand. They walked around the place; Kim looked around excitedly while Shego looked around in disgust. They wandered down the steep slant of rock that Kim had so carelessly fallen down before. They stood by the edge of the cliff that Kim had gone over. They looked down in the abyss, spying the ledge that Kim had landed on before.

“You know, when you came and saved me that day…” Kim started, but she trailed off.

Shego nodded. “Uh-huh.”

“I actually resented it,” the hero admitted and it seemed kind of random for her to say such a thing.

“You resented it?” Shego echoed in disbelief. How could her monster resent the fact that she came for her? She was supposed to be there for Kim when the younger female needed her.

“I was so frustrated with everything and then I did this stupid thing and fell down there like I was some kind of idiot and I figured that was how you looked at me, like some helpless moron that needed you to hold her hand to make sure she didn’t hurt herself. And then you came…and you teased me about what happened. I just felt more and more pathetic and I was so certain that when you looked at me all you saw was some idiot kid that couldn’t be trusted on her own and that was all you’d ever see,” Kim explained.

“I’m sorry, Pumpkin. I never meant to make you feel that way,” Shego apologized wholeheartedly while throwing in an embrace around her spouse’s shoulders to drive him the apology. She had not meant anything by her teasing back then. It was just how she was and she thought that Kim knew that, but she guessed that even with Kim being aware of how she behaved, since the younger woman had already been in some distress, she probably should have curbed her habits a bit.

“I know, but it seemed like nothing was going my way that trip,” the redhead commented.

“Well,” Shego said as she turned to face her petite spouse. “Everything is going to go your way this trip. You name it and we will do it. We can go scuba-diving, parasailing, swimming with sharks even if that’s what you want. No matter how insane, this is all about you.”

“All about me…” Kim echoed and a wicked smirk crept onto her face like floating evil. “I want to go to our hotel room and never leave,” she stated.

Shego smirked too. “I was so hoping that you’d say that.”

“I figured you were.”

The couple exited the cave and returned to their hotel room. Kim was amazed to see that they had the same room from before. It seemed like Shego was not kidding when talking about replacing her old memories with new and better ones. But, it was odd because being inside of the room just made her think of back when she had been so close yet so far away. A hollow feeling in the pit of her stomach let her know that she feared such a thing happening again, like at that very moment.

What if Shego suddenly realized that she really did not want her, Kim thought with dread. Her heart began to beat rapidly and she suddenly felt anxious. She tried to assure herself that nothing like that was going to happen. Of course Shego wanted her. She had proposed twice for crying out loud and found a beautiful place for them to be legally married. She had planned a honeymoon to try to set things right in the past, so there was no reason to be frightened, Kim told herself.

“Are you okay?” Shego asked because she could tell just from the way the redhead was standing that something was bothering her.

“Huh? Oh, yeah, I’m fine,” Kim lied while silently ordering her heart to beat normally. The organ was not listening.

“No, you’re not. You should know better than to lie to me by now, Pumpkin,” Shego pointed out while standing in front of Kim.

“It’s nothing. Just a silly thought,” the redhead insisted and then she forced out a smile. It was a silly thought, she told herself. It was only a silly thought.

“Then tell me what it was,” the super-powered officer pressed.

“It was nothing,” the slender hero insisted and she changed the subject by ambushing Shego with a kiss.

The pale woman accepted the passionate show of affection and returned it with her own fire. Kim began reaching for Shego’s shirt, proving to herself that there was nothing to worry about. It was just a silly notion to even consider that Shego did not want her. And then, Shego suddenly pulled away.

“Hold on,” the green-skinned female said while breathing heavily.

“What?” Kim asked, hiding the fear that was crawling out of the woodworks in her body. Okay, what if it was not such a silly thought? What if Shego was about to slam her with the news right now that she did not want her anymore?

“More surprises, babe. So, could you make yourself busy for about fifteen minutes?” Shego requested.

“Um…okay. I guess I’ll take a shower. Where’d you put my stuff?”

“I’ll get your bag for you. You just be a good munchkin and stay out of sight for fifteen minutes, okay?”

The olive-eyed scientist nodded, now curious as to what her new spouse was doing. She went into the bathroom and started the shower water. Moments later Shego opened the door and placed Kim’s bag in there for her.

“Thanks,” the redhead said.

“No problem. Don’t put on anything too elaborate,” Shego replied and she shut the door.

Kim sighed and wondered what was going on. Why was she suddenly having such an irrational fear of being discarded suddenly? Shego had kept her through all kinds of insanity, she reminded herself. So, why would Shego drop her after they made it through so much and they had just gotten married? She did not have the answer because she could not figure out a reason for Shego doing something so random, but that did not ease the churning in her stomach.

She tried to calm down as she hopped in the shower. Still, she ended up trembling and breathing heavily. She had to lean against the wall to support herself for a few minutes. She did not stay in there for too long because of the way that she was feeling and the shower’s warm water was not calming her down in any way. She washed up and then wrapped herself in a towel. She then just sat in the bathroom, hoping that she would stop feeling as anxious as she did.

She rubbed her forehead and kept asking herself why she was feeling as she was. It just did not make any sense. She was on her honeymoon. She should feel as if the world belonged to her. Instead, she felt as if she was being set up to have pig’s blood poured on her at the prom (1). A knock at the door threw off her thoughts.

“You coming out, Princess?” Shego asked from outside.

“Huh?” Kim said as her head snapped up from the sound of her love’s voice.

“You coming out?” Shego repeated. She thought that something might have happened because Kim had been in there for a half-hour, even though the redhead had failed to notice that.

“Oh…um…I need to get dressed,” the younger woman answered.

“No, don’t even bother.”


“Don’t bother. Come on out.”

Kim gulped and decided that it was now or never. Well, actually it was just now. It was not like she could hide in the bathroom for the whole trip and she would rather not do that anyway. She needed to prove to herself that her fears were unfounded. So, she got up and opened the door.

The slim adventurer was hit by a heavenly aroma of raspberry. The room was dark, except for the glow of candles all around the room. The scene should have expelled her nervousness and terror, but it did not. The butterflies in her stomach merely fluttered more than before, bubbling up a pool of horror in her gut and making her feel worse with every passing millisecond.

“You okay?” the elder female inquired when she noticed the strange look in her bride’s face. She could practically see the terror in Kim’s olive eyes, but she could not tell exactly what the emotion was or even what it was for. They were on their honeymoon, so she thought that her new wife should be her usual eager self. Well, actually, more eager than usual in her opinion, but she was almost somber about everything.

“Yeah,” Kim lied.

“Are you sick or something?” Shego asked because she thought that would explain why her little monster appeared nervous.

“No, I’m fine. I promise.”

Shego looked skeptical, but she did take Kim’s word on it. She handed the redhead a glass of wine, which surprised Kim. The hero sipped from the glass while Shego grabbed her own drink, making sure to watch Kim like a predator. The stare was only stirring that horrible feeling in the redhead for some reason when it was supposed to make her feel desired.

After a couple of sips, Shego put the wine down as if it was poisonous water. She just did not care about alcohol or really anything in the room that was not Kim. She went to the smaller female and grabbed her up in her arms. Kim made a tiny yelp noise as Shego cradled her in her powerful arms. Shego was going to go in for a kiss, but Kim still had glass in her hand.

The moss-hued woman did not think anything of it. She carried her petite bride to bed, which was covered in red rose petals, and carefully placed Kim down. The redhead did not even notice the petals sprinkled over the bed because if she had, Shego knew that she would have said something about them. Instead, Kim was silent and seemed almost aloof, like she was indifferent to what was happening.

Shego could tell that Kim was worried for some reason that she could not figure out. They had already been together countless times and Kim was usually so enthusiastic and energetic about things, but she seemed damn near solemn about what was going on. It was beyond confusing. It was like Kim thought she was going to bury her in a shallow grave in a moment.

“Princess, why are you looking like that? Don’t you want to do it?” Shego asked in a bemused manner. She had been hoping to get points for the set up around the room and be showered in loving kisses for her efforts, but it would seem that there something overriding what she had done and left her lover not noticing.

“I do,” Kim answered honestly. Of course she wanted to make love to Shego, but her mind and body were betraying her with the stupid panic attack that she was having at the moment. She could not talk herself out of what she knew was a ridiculous idea.

“Then why are you looking so sad?” the pale woman inquired with a deep concern in her voice and she gently caressed the redhead with the hope that it would get that look out of her eyes.

“I’m not. It’s just that I love you so much.”

“I love you too, Pumpkin,” Shego stated soundly and leaned down for a kiss.

Kim returned the kiss, tentatively at first, but she grew more and more like herself as time pressed on. She wanted it badly, to prove that she was not going to be cast aside, to prove that she was priceless to her love. She reached up, taking hold of Shego’s shirt with the wish of removing the cloth. Shego helped out, especially since Kim was finally acting like herself.

Shego wiggled out of her tee-shirt and flung it to the floor. Kim quickly relieved her of her bra, which had the clasp in the front because Shego wanted it off as fast as possible. While the hero was doing that, Shego was tugging at the towel that was hiding Kim from her. They were nude in a flash and back to kissing each other with blazing hot passion.

Shego eventually left Kim’s mouth to travel south. Kim hissed in a pleasure as Shego places wet kisses all over her chest. She held Shego to her, even though Shego had no plans to escape. The pale woman mapped out a path on Kim’s body, leaving a trail with her tongue and dark crimson marks with her mouth where she stopped to make camp. She made her way to one rose-colored nipple with her mouth while caressing the other with a gentle hand. Her other hand wandered Kim’s body, searching for flesh to fondle and having no problem finding such treasures.

Kim desired to be just as active and moved her hands from Shego’s back to her front. She stroked whatever skin that she touched, which caused the raven-haired beauty to moan. The young scientist then rubbed herself against Shego, which made the older female shudder above her. She moved and met Kim’s hips when they came up from the bed again, making for a scandalous kiss. They both hissed as they set a steady rhythm with those actions.

They worked up a thin layer of sweat before climaxing. Shego breathed out a long exhale as she fell to Kim’s side, hoping to catch her breath. Kim wasted no time curling up next to the green-skinned woman and making herself comfortable. See, she told herself; she was worrying for nothing at all. Shego was hers, all hers, and she was Shego’s and that was that. She was wanted and that thought drove her on.

“You’re tired already?” the redhead asked with a devilish gleam in her eyes while her hand began to wander down Shego’s body. The wonderful, beautifully tempting woman to her side was all hers, she reminded herself again.

“I’m just getting my second wind,” the emerald-eyed female answered soundly. She definitely was not going to be worn out so easily, not now. She had to make everything right before she could rest. Little did she know, but she had pretty much done that with that one act.

“Well, I don’t need a second wind,” Kim remarked as she crawled on top of her spouse, straddling the moss-hued female.

Shego smiled a little bit. She was extremely pleased to see that Kim was finally acting like she usually did. She wished that she had gotten her points for the room, but the night was young, so Kim might still notice sometime soon, she told herself. Her smile changed as she began to moan because Kim started rocking on top of her. Was it too much to ask for Kim to at least warn her before starting up again?

The super-powered woman did not think about that too much as she exhaled again because of the growing, hot sensation building inside of her. She grabbed Kim’s hips to make sure that the redhead kept up that pace. Kim did not need any help in that area now that she was going. She leaned down and started a deep kiss with Shego while making sure to keep moving. She reached between their bodies and Shego gasped when she felt the contact. Shego began to tremble and Kim knew what that meant.

The redhead broke the kiss and let Shego ride her wave of ecstasy. Kim moved on to Shego’s neck and proceeded to leave her mark while still moving her hips. And then suddenly, she felt Shego touching her and she suddenly peaked, her leg shook slightly and then she fell onto Shego after a few seconds. They both were now breathing hard.

“This is going to be a long week,” Shego commented.

“I hope so,” Kim replied with a lecherous grin.

“You are such a freaky little monster.”

“Your—” Kim started to say, but Shego cut her off.

“Yes, I know, you’re my freaky little monster. You certainly are that. I can top you, though,” Shego boasted.

“You can top me?” Kim echoed. She scoffed in disbelief because her love had never been able to top her when it came to doing crazy things in bed.

“You don’t believe me, huh? Well, we’ll just see about that. When I get up, you’re not going to believe what I have to show you.”

“Oh, but I can’t wait,” Kim replied, still sporting her licentious grin. She could not wait to see what other surprises that her wife had for her on the trip. She was just glad to find out her earlier fears were as foolish as she assumed. Shego would never get rid of her. “So, you ready for another go?” she asked.

“Oh, god, let me take breath first,” Shego pretended to complain. She did have a smile on her face as she spoke those words.

“Okay,” the redhead agreed. She waited for Shego to take one breath and then she went in for a kiss. The plan for Kim now was to do everything to Shego that she had wanted to do the first time that they had been on the island and she wanted to do it as soon as possible.

1. It’s a reference to the movie Carrie. If you haven’t seen it, you should.

Also, the vacation this chapter refers to happened in The Gods Must Be Laughing chapters 5—7.

Next time: the honeymoon comes to an end and they return home where Shego gets some surprising news from Betty.

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