On a Short Leash

Dilemma Twenty-Three

Ask no questions, tell no lies


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TITLE: Ask no questions, tell no lies

AUTHOR: StarvingLunatic

DISCLAIMER: I don’t own these characters and I don’t own this premise. I also don’t own the Cheshire cat.

SUMMARY: AU. This is the sequel to Walking the Line. Kim and Shego look to renew their unorthodox relationship.

TYPE: Kim/Shego, Kim, Ron, Shego/Drakken, Other, Friendship, Romance, Slash

RATING: US: R / DE: 16

Words: 4640

Shego caressing her pet.

Hell, thy name is Lipsky. I’m so sure of that. I’m also sure that they’ve been sent by the devil just to torment me. I’ve never met a more annoying family, including Betty’s, hell, including mine! And I think we all know that’s saying a lot. These fucking pricks are putting in overtime when it comes to trying my patience and testing how far they can take things before I have to rip off a damn body part that they’re sure to miss.

Fixing the Hench Co. products that the special division of Go City had received did not take too long; only a few days because it was so many things, but many of them had minor problems. Ed spent much of his spare time speaking with Shego, much to her annoyance. To make matters worse, while speaking to Shego, he had the bad habit of doing an air guitar for who-knew-what reason; she suspected that he was doing it to drive her mad and it was working very well. She wished that she could get called for an assignment to get away from him since she knew that her boss would not like her flambéing the repairman while he still had work to do.

It seemed like everyone had work to do, but Shego and she felt it was because work would save her from Ed. Even her pet had something to do and that was not really something that Shego was used to. She was accustomed to her pet hanging around her whenever they were some place at the same time. She did not mind her little monster showing a little responsibility because she saw how the girl acted once they were at home; she was still a spoiled brat.

Her pet spent most of her time with Felix and Doctor Porter. Kim figured that it would be rather unprofessional of her to pester her mistress while they were both supposed to be working; yes, Kim was actually being paid for her assistance. Vivian had insisted that her uncle, Jack Hench, owner of Hench Co., pay both of her assistances even if she was examining the products as a favor to him. He had not seen the problem in that, paying two kids was a lot cheaper than being a team of people to repair an entire lab. He was just happy that his niece had decided to do it as a favor because her expertise was expensive; he suspected that the favor was going to come back and bite him in the wallet.

Drakken spent his time watching Ed openly hit on Shego; he watched the action from a distance. She seemed completely repulsed and annoyed with the blonde mechanic. The thing that the sky-colored scientist noticed was that Shego refrained from striking Ed. Why would she not hit the blonde like she would do any other people? He could not figure it out and he thought that it was suspicious.

Shego knew that if she hit Ed, it would only encourage him to bug her further and she really did not want that, lest she have to slay him. But, she could only take so much; hey, she was only human for crying out loud and anyone would crack after hearing an air guitar more than five times in less than fifteen minutes. She eventually got around to hitting the mechanical engineer in the crotch with her knee; Drakken missed the assault because half of the lab was back in service by that time and many of the tech people were able to go back to work.

Ed collapsed to the ground with a tear in his eye when Shego kneed him in his privates. She felt satisfied for the first time in a long time. But, once the pain subsided, he was back in her face. The pale woman was at a loss; what was she supposed to do to get through to him if he did not even seem to value his crotch. What kind of man came back for more after getting hit in the balls?

Shego lucked out and got an assignment before she acted on the thought that life would be more enjoyable for everyone without Ed being alive; she was certain that everyone would agree. She did not have to deal with him anymore. She just hoped that he was done with everything by the time she got back to the office.

With Shego gone, Ed moved on to bothering the woman in charge. He felt that “the one-eyed babe” was almost on the same level as “the green babe” when it came to being hot. Betty hoped to any higher power that he was going to be gone by the end of the day or she was going to shoot him. She was actually planning to shoot him because he was an asshole, seriously.

Shego lay on the floor in her apartment on her stomach with her head resting on her arms and a scowl engrained deeply on her face. Kim was straddling her mistress’ waist, sitting on her master’s rump, and giving the pale woman a rubdown. The green-skinned woman had injured her back.

“How’d you do this again?” the redhead asked curiously while she was being careful to not hurt her owner as she tried to relax the older woman and make her pains go away. She was requesting the information on how her master had hurt her back.

“I told you once,” Shego replied in an irked tone. There was just no way in all existence that she was going to repeat that she had fallen down a long flight of stairs while chasing down a criminal. She had caught the guy, but once the adrenaline was gone, she realized that her back was killing her. Her pet was working wonders on that problem, though.

“Can’t you tell me twice?” the olive-eyed girl requested in a tone that let her owner know that she was smiling, even though she could not see the expression. The slender adventurer was smiling.

“No,” was the extremely blunt answer.

Kim laughed a little bit. She decided to just enjoy the fact that she was getting the chance to straddle her master and massage the woman without a shirt on. She was also getting a shot to show Shego how good she was with her hands; yes, the bad part of her mind was working in overtime while she was working on her owner. She wondered if there was some way to talk the elder female into turning over, if only to give her a peek. She doubted it, though.

There were quite a few things that Kim would not mind suggesting while they were in the positions that they were in. She doubted that her mistress would go for anything that she would bring up, though. Maybe if she pointed out how relaxing the things would be, then her owner might at least consider it. Nah, she decided to not bring anything up or she would probably ruin what they had going.

“How’s this?” the redhead asked as she worked on her master’s very tense upper back. Her keeper needed the massage, she thought, even without injuring her back. The older woman just needed something to help her relax.

“Go lower,” Shego ordered.

Kim ordered her brain to ignore the suggestive nature of those words and just obey the command. Her mistress moaned in a throaty tone as she moved lower. The slender hero exhaled slowly and told her brain to ignore the noise because that was the best thing to do. Man, if she could do such torturous work everyday, she would do it just to hear that wonderful sound again and know that she was the reason for it.

Why did the petite redhead think of it as torture? Well, she could not do anything that she wanted and she desired to do quite a bit with the woman right underneath her, who was topless and practically teasing her because of that. A knock at the door interrupted them; they both groaned, knowing who it was.

“Why not just give him a key?” Kim suggested. He was so predictable; whenever she and her master had something good and private going, he showed up to break up the party.

“Why not just let him move in while I’m at it?” Shego countered. It was bad enough that she never knew when he was going to knock at the door; she would not be able to take it if he could just pop up and be in the apartment whenever he felt like it. He might start showing up in the middle of the night or something worse, he might even get the very sick and wrong idea that he lived there.

“Point taken. Should I get that?” the olive-eyed girl asked since Drakken kept knocking and Shego was sans a shirt at the moment.

“Might as well,” the super-powered woman muttered. She really did not want the back rub to stop and she had no plans on telling her little monster to halt, even when Drakken came in.

“Okay, don’t move,” Kim told her mistress.

The elder female scoffed; her back still hurt a little too much for her to consider moving. The redhead hopped up and answered the door. Drakken was waiting and stepped inside. He walked to the living while she shut the door. The blue scientist gasped in shock when he saw Shego lying on her stomach without a shirt on right in the middle of the floor.

“What’s going on?” the inventor demanded to know.

“She hurt her back,” Kim answered in a dismissive manner.

The blue-skinned scientist sounded so upset, the hero noticed. If something shady was really going on, she would have whipped out some sensual oils at the very least. But, she did not need to go down that path in her head, she told herself; that would be real, sweet torment if she did.

“What happened?” Drakken inquired.

“You shouldn’t do kinky moves,” the eccentric girl joked.

“Shut up,” Shego barked at her pet while Kim resumed her position on top of her mistress.

There was a section in the hero’s brain that was recording all the data at the moment and she knew that it was going to come back to haunt her in her sleep. She just hoped that one day she got to put the information to use again. Well, since she was an optimist by nature, she was fairly certain that she would be able to do everything that she was doing again and she would be able to use all that she learned some time in the future.

“What are you doing?” Drakken practically hollered when he saw the redhead mount his girlfriend.

“Rubbing her back,” the adventurer answered in a “duh” voice while her mind went back to the idea of if something shady was going on, oils would definitely be involved, along with some other things.

The girl returned to eagerly kneading her master’s back. Shego sighed contently and closed her eyes, relaxing thanks to her little monster’s ministrations. She doubted that she would ever feel something so good for free. Well, she might have found a use for her lazy pet, she considered; a very good use.

The uninvited male could not believe his eyes; he had never seen his girlfriend look so rested, comfortable, and pleased. He quickly grew angry with Kim for being able to make Shego appear quite satisfied and then to make matters worse, the raven-haired woman moaned again. The cerulean inventor frowned deeply; she had never made such a noise for him. The pale woman did not notice the sound or Drakken’s expression because she was too wrapped up in the pleasure brought on by Kim’s talented hands.

The elfish adventurer eventually noticed the look in Drakken’s onyx eyes and how he was seething to himself. She smiled mentally; oh, how she wished that she could boast to him of her “powers” over her beloved owner. She decided to be a little bad and torment the bizarre doctor while she was going through her own torture. She continued the massage, just more deeply than before. She hit a spot and Shego moaned again, much louder than previous times and just a bit salaciously. It was music to the olive-eyed girl’s ears; she would bet both of her legs that he could never make Shego make such a noise and the incredulous look in his face confirmed that for her.

Kim did make sure to note the spot that she had just hit on her mistress. She would explore it later in full detail when she was certain that she would be given the chance. She was certain that her pained owner would appreciate it, even if she did not say as much.

“So, Drakken, what can I do for you?” Shego managed to ask; she almost forgot that he was there seconds after he arrived. Her pet was doing such a good job working out the knots in her back and it was pure delight. She might have to get her munchkin to do a massage once a week or something. The feeling was close to making her toes curl; she would have hoped that her little pervert did not notice if she was capable of worrying about such things at the moment.

“I just wanted to know if you wanted to go to dinner with me tonight,” the scientist answered while trying to fix the shocked expression that he was wearing. He just could not believe how that girl was making his girlfriend look.

“Not today. My back is killing me,” she informed him. Well, it would be killing her if not for Kim. It was sore, but she could probably function. She just did not desire to leave the tasty rubdown; yes, it was tasty. The massage was practically delicious.

“Maybe I could do that,” Drakken offered, referring to the backrub. Maybe he could make Shego look like she was if he was allowed to touch her like Kim was doing.

“She knows what she’s doing,” the pale woman replied.

“But, maybe I could do it,” he insisted.

“She knows what she’s doing,” Shego repeated.

Kim smirked at Drakken like the Cheshire cat for just a moment; he noticed and wondered what the smug expression was all about. She then focused all of her energy back on her owner and continued on with the massage. She tried not to think of all of the other ways she would touch her mistress if only Shego would allow it. She bet that she could get her mistress to do a lot more moaning if she was given the chance.

“So, how much longer will you be doing this?” Drakken asked the women.

“Until she can stand up without wincing,” Kim answered. She hoped that it would go on longer than that, though. Little did she know, but it had gone on beyond that. Sure her master’s back still hurt, but she was lying there more for sheer pleasure than anything else now.

“I don’t suppose you’ll be making dinner then?” Drakken asked Shego.

“Probably not,” the raven-haired female replied. It was not like he typically ate her cooking anyway, she thought. He usually just played around with the food, only eating a small amount of it.

“I can order pizza,” the redhead volunteered eagerly, like it was a special skill to be able to pick up the phone and order out.

“Sounds good,” Shego agreed.

“I can do that!” Drakken proclaimed.

The women did not argue; it was only pizza, after all. He was acting like it was something very important; sure, Kim had acted the same way, but she was kidding around and he was serious. She was supposed to be adorable pet, after all while he was a grown man. He did not even know the number to the pizza shop, so maybe it was a special skill to order a pizza pie, Kim thought as a joke. She ended up handling the “difficult” task of calling for a pizza.

(New Day)

Drakken stared down at a letter that he had just received in the mail. He had been expecting it for quite sometime and he was glad that it was finally in his hands; in fact, he was grinning quite widely because of it. He figured that he needed to get back to the people that sent it as soon as possible. But, before that, he had to worry about taking Shego out for dinner and making sure that everything was perfect. It was St. Valentine’s Day after all.

Shego was aware that she had a “special” date with Drakken; it being Valentine’s Day and all. She could guess how the date was going to go, so that kind of took away from anything “special” there was about it. Still, she guessed that she should treat it as if it was extraordinary or magical because that was what a good girlfriend would do, or so her pet had insisted.

The green-skinned female was attempting to find an outfit that was halfway decent enough to wear for just such an occasion without it being over-the-top. It was not like he would notice if she wore anything over-the-top anyway or if he did notice, he would not understand why she was wearing such an outfit. She did not even know where he was taking her, but she was willing to bet that it would serve plenty of seafood. She was already ready to throw up.

Kim was watching her as was her usual thing to do whenever Shego was getting ready for a date. She was parked on the bed; she had already suggested what she thought her owner should wear. The emerald-eyed woman considered the girl’s proposals, but the outfits all seemed to be too much; a normal person would have thought that they were all right, but she was seeing Drakken after all.

“You’re not doing anything for Valentine’s Day?” Shego asked her pet. She knew that her imp had friends and things to hang out with, so she thought that they might have hooked her up for the day or something like that.

“Probably go on a non-date with Josh,” Kim answered with a shrug.

“A non-date?”

“It looks like a date, but isn’t,” the younger woman defined the concept.

“And why you and Josh?” the green-skinned woman inquired.

Shego did not like her pet hanging around that little wannabe mack daddy, but she did not see the need to point that out. She had told her monster what she thought of the boy and what she believed his motives were, but she thought doing anything more than that might be seen as excessive and then people would start to question her motives. Her nutty elf had assured her that she had no plans to give Josh what he wanted, but Shego still did not like her hanging out with him.

“Well, typically, I’d hang out with Monique, but she’s got a guy now. Felix probably has something really good planned for her too. He’s such a romantic at heart. All my regular friends are now coupled off and they have to celebrate the day as the couples that they are. Josh doesn’t do the whole ‘Valentine’s Day’ thing because he doesn’t want a girl to get the wrong idea,” Kim explained.

Shego shook her head. “You and the people you know.”

“That’s why you’re going to have to eat seafood tonight,” the redhead teased.

“Don’t remind me,” the pale woman groaned.

“At least Josh takes me out for pasta…if he can afford it anyway.”

“Two broke asses just hanging out.”

“That’s probably what’s going to happen,” Kim admitted with a laugh. She and Josh had always been a poor pair, but they made due. She doubted that they would know what to do if they both had money and went out together.

“Just don’t let that kid try anything,” the raven-haired female commanded.

“Josh knows better and you know I’m not going to let him do anything. You do let Drakken try something,” the eccentric hero remarked.

“He’s not smart enough to try something,” Shego replied and Kim yielded with a shrug and a smile.

As Shego guessed, dinner consisted of going to a seafood restaurant; it was like he was trying to see how many times he could take her to a seafood place before she threw up uncontrollably right at the table. It was a moderate restaurant and Shego settled on shrimp as usual. She was glad that she did not put on a really nice outfit.

Drakken yakked the night away as he generally did, bringing up that he got offered a job on a government project. The martial artist was not really listening to him prattle on as she generally did when he started up. After they finished the main course, they ordered desserts. While waiting for the desserts to arrive, Drakken suggested that they exchange gifts. Shego shrugged; it was not like it was a bad idea.

They swapped boxes; Shego noticed that once again she was being presented with a small jewelry box by her boyfriend. Drakken opened his gift first to see that she had gotten him a brand new and rather expensive watch. He did not seem to care much about the present, but she decided against being insulted by that. She noticed that he was focused solely on her for once. She decided to open her box and she saw that there was ring inside. Her heart stopped working as soon as her eyes caught sight of it.

“This is pretty nice, Shego. So, does the ring fit?” Drakken asked eagerly seconds after she opened the case.

“The ring fit?” she echoed in a puzzled tone. She actually had a more pressing question and that was what finger was she expected to put the damn thing on? She gulped and pulled the ring out of the box while trying to will her lungs to work properly because she was fighting off the plan of suffocating, which her body seemed to be trying to do. She tried the ring on her middle finger and found that the simple gold band with a diamond in the middle fit rather well right there. She silently refused to try it on any other finger.

“Oh, it doesn’t fit on the other finger? Oh, well, we can have it adjusted. Your hands are smaller than I thought,” the sky-colored male commented.

The other finger, her mind echoed. What other finger? He could not mean her ring finger, right? No, he did not mean… No, he did not even ask the question, her mind pointed out. Maybe he just assumed that she would agree, she considered. They had been together for longer than a couple of years without any major incidents, meaning she had not tried to murder him; she considered that an accomplishment. So, it would have been a safe assumption on his part that she would marry him without him having to ask; well, maybe it would have been a safe assumption, maybe.

She was not so sure that she would have agreed to marry him if he had asked the question. She probably would have looked at him as if he was a moron if he had bothered to ask. Why the hell did he not ask the question if that was what he was getting at? She did not even want to think about that, but since he had put it out there, it did lead to another question in her mind. Did she really want to spend the rest of life with him? She was not so sure because she had never thought about.

“At least it fits on a finger. I guess that’s a start. It looks nice, doesn’t it?” Drakken asked; he was obviously proud of himself.

“Yeah,” she muttered. But, what was it for? The important thing was what it was for.

“I suppose now we’ll have to set a date,” he said with a smile on his face.

Holy shit, her brain screamed and she was very close to hollering it out loud, but she held her tongue. He was talking about getting married; it was a proposal. The two of them getting married; getting married to each other. Oh, boy, oh, boy, she was in a bit of a spot. Now, she could not take the ring off and decline his proposal because that would just be out and out rude and wrong. What the hell kind of guy just assumed that his girlfriend wanted to get married, anyway, her mind demanded to know!

Shego sat up in bed, smoking her third cigarette of the night in the past hour. She was in a thinking position because she had a lot on her mind thanks to a very surprising Valentine’s Day. She truly despised surprises; they were maddening.

Did she want to go to sleep next to Drakken every night, the pale woman asked herself at least a dozen times. Did she really want up next to him every morning? Make him breakfast and dinner? Listen to him rant? Watch movies with him? Then she realized that she could not even watch movies with him.

Drakken did not understand many films for whatever reason or just did not find them entertaining for whatever reason. Even if he did watch the types of movies that she did, he was mostly into slapstick comedy, which was not her favorite genre; she still would not be able to relax around him like she usually did with her pet. Oh, no, her pet.

If she married Drakken, she would not be able to keep her pet. She doubted that it would go over well with the cerulean scientist if she requested that her impish monster stay with them. She could just hear herself, “Drakken, do you mind if I take my pet?” And then she would have to explain that her pet was a twenty-one year old girl, whom he believed was her cousin and the girl would more than likely want to sleep next to her in the bed every night while being cuddled. Yeah, that would go over well, she thought sarcastically.

She would not be able to keep her pet if she got married. But, she wanted her pet. She had kept her little monster for so long because she wanted the olive-eyed girl. She had taken care of the girl for so long because she wanted her. She had spoiled her pet for as long as she had because she wanted her pet.

But, then her mind posed the counterargument to that. She reasoned that she must have wanted Drakken. She kept him around just as long as she had her pet, even longer since she had given the girl up for a little while. So, was it not possible to say that she wanted him just as much as she wanted her pet?

She asked herself the question that she was aware it would all boil down to, which was who did she want more in her life, Drakken or her little brat? After that thought entered her mind, she considered that she might need another cigarette. She might have to just smoke the whole pack.

Next time: to answer the question that is on her mind, Shego decides to conduct an experiment and the next chapter is the first part of that experiment. What’s the experiment all about?

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