Wow, having Leonardo around is great. I wonder if this is how I make my mistress feel. I hope it's something even better than this. Don't get me wrong, I love him, but I am a human and I want her to notice that.
Shego was trying her best to ignore Leonardo, her annoying pet’s annoying mutt. He desired to play while she was attempting to clean up both his junk and Kim’s crap. The puppy’s temporary owner was knocked out on the sofa, so since he could not play with her, he seemed to decide that the emerald-eyed woman was the next best thing; she would beg to differ. She was fighting the ever increasing urge to flare up her hands and fry the little beast, and maybe even serve him to his irksome keeper.
“Leo, if you don’t stop yanking at my fucking pants, you’re going to regret it,” Shego promised the pup.
Leonardo did not seem to care or understand the words that were coming out of her mouth. He merrily bounced around the woman was she cleaned up, remaining underfoot both figuratively and literally. Every time she picked up one of his toys, he grabbed for it and started playfully fighting for it. Every time he reached for a toy, she felt like yanking him up by the scruff of the neck and flinging him into a wall. Damn puppies and their damn energy.
Shego went to work, got prepared for action, did not get any action, and went to sit down while silently cursing fate for not giving her something to do. She wanted something to take her mind off of how much she wanted to skin that stupid mutt in her house, not to mention rag out her own monster for enjoying having the beast around. She yawned; oh, how she hated that little nasty canine.
The raven-haired woman ended up nodding off in the chair that she crashed in. Her co-workers did not bother to wake her up; life was so much more tolerable, simple, and almost pleasant when she was unconscious. They did wonder what she did to make her so tired, but no one was going to take the trouble to ask.
“Shego,” Doctor Director called while sticking her head out of her office.
The boss was surprised when she did not get an immediate response. She scanned the area, but she did not see her cranky friend. Shego usually seemed to materialize out of nowhere when the boss beckoned her because she was always looking to beat someone down and she knew that was why Betty called for her.
“Shego,” the one-eyed woman repeated and she arched an eyebrow when she did not get a response a second time.
The chief did not have time to waste to go looking for Shego; besides, that was not her job. She just gave the assignment to someone else and hoped for the best while going about her business. When the next emergency came up, she tried to get her old friend again, but Shego did not respond again. She was seriously knocked out in her chair, but the supervisor did not care or have time to go find out the reason as to why her friend was not showing up.
“What do you think happened to her?” DNAmy asked Drakken. They were staring at Shego because it was surprising to see her asleep.
No one really knew that Shego slept; they all considered that she might not require rest like normal human beings did. She was not a normal human, after all. She did have those super powers and everything; so, many people considered that there might be some supernatural things to her thanks to her powers. They knew that she could take a lot of punishment and that she healed quickly, so there was always the chance that she did not need sleep, they reasoned.
“I don’t know what happened to her,” Drakken replied. No, not even he had seen Shego sleep. When he stayed over at her place, he was always the first one to fall asleep. By the time that he woke up, she was usually already making breakfast.
“Maybe we should go ask. Just to make sure she’s all right,” DNAmy suggested in her typical chipper tone.
“We don’t want to wake her up,” Drakken objected. He doubted that the pale woman would be happy if she was taken from a sleep that was so good that her mouth was dropped wide open.
“Nonsense!” the round woman giggled and she fearlessly started toward Shego. She tapped the thinner woman until she stirred. The male scientist decided to stay behind because he did not want to catch his girlfriend’s wrath; after all, unlike DNAmy, he had to see Shego outside of work.
“What?” Shego huffed. Could a person not get a nap at work without people actually waking her up?
“I was just wondering if you’re all right,” the merry female explained with a grin.
“Am I bleeding a small ocean?” Shego countered.
“Then I must be fine,” the officer pointed out.
“But, you’re sleeping,” the large woman riposted.
“No kidding,” Shego muttered. She was surrounded by damn idiots and annoyances, both a home and at work. In a little while, she might have to consider checking into a motel just for a few hours alone.
“So, I thought that something might be wrong,” DNAmy stated.
“Yeah, the fact that I’m not sleeping anymore.”
“No, silly-billy, I meant, something else. Like, why are you sleeping at work?” the female scientist inquired.
“Probably because I’m tried,” Shego snapped.
She had not gotten any sleep for a few days because last night and a couple of nights before that, Kim had actually tried to crawl into her bed. It would not have been so terrible if her little monster had not been attempting to get into the bed with that filthy beast in her arms. The pale woman refused to share a bed with anything with fur, claws, and a wet nose. Now, she had stayed awake last night and since the first time Kim had tried that stupid mess. She just sat up in bed, keeping watch at the door to make sure that girl did not sneak into bed with that mutt.
“But, why are you so tired?” DNAmy inquired.
“What the hell business is it of yours?” the super-powered officer asked and then she realized who she was talking to, an animal lover to the tenth power. A light bulb went off in her head. “Amy, do you want a dog?” she asked with hope hidden in her emerald eyes, which had bags under them thanks to her week of sleepless nights.
“A dog?” the round woman echoed.
“Yeah, he’s a little puppy. He’s a happy critter, which is right up your alley. Not to mention he’s mixed,” Shego remarked. She hoped that the wide woman agreed to take that blasted pooch because she was sick of going home every day and watching her lunatic monster with that four-legged twister demolishing the house.
“You have a puppy? Didn’t you used to have a cat?” DNAmy asked curiously.
“Okay, I got rid of the cat, but she came back and now I’ve got this puppy,” Shego answered. She did not even want to know why Amy remembered the lie she told almost two years ago about having a cat.
“You’re turning into a real animal lover. You’re family is growing,” DNAmy declared jubilantly.
“No, I’m not and no, it’s not. I’ve got growing pains in my ass. Do you want a dog?” the green-skinned female asked for a second time. She really wanted to get rid of Leonardo and she was hoping that Amy was the answer to her problem.
“Why don’t you want the little pup?”
“Because I hate dogs,” Shego answered bluntly.
“Because,” she snapped. Damn it to hell and back, why would the damn ball of a woman not take the fucking dog, her mind screamed!
“Well, I’d like another dog, but I don’t think I have room. Maybe you should ask someone else around here. A lot of the people in the lab are lonely. They could use a happy puppy in their lives,” DNAmy informed Shego with a giggle.
Shego shook her head; she had no desire to talk with those freaks in the lab. She also did not want the world know that she had a puppy either. She did not want anyone to get the wrong idea.
The pale woman had been hoping that Amy would be the answer to her troubles and take the stupid critter off of her hands. What was she going to do with that nasty dog? She was sick to death of that pup and she knew that the longer Leonardo was around, the more her trying brat would get the notion of keeping that flea-bitten annoyance. There was no way in hell that she was keeping that thing any longer than necessary, meaning at the end of the month, she was kicking Leonardo out on his fuzzy butt whether he had a home or not. She was not running a pound for crying out loud.
The pale officer returned home to find her pet with Leonardo, which had become the norm. It appeared that Kim was trying to teach Leonardo the command of “sit”; he had finally conquered the vigorous training of “roll over.” The two pets did not seem to notice the mistress of the house enter, another thing that was normal around the apartment now. If one of the little mutants did notice her, it was generally Leonardo.
Shego shook her head and walked to her bedroom to get comfortable in the house. She showered and tossed on her house clothes. She marched into the living room and sat down on the sofa. Before Leonardo showed up, Shego knew that her pet would have crawled into her lap by now, but Kim had not even noticed her mistress. Shego told herself that it did not bother her; she told herself that almost everyday.
“Hey, Shego, when did you get in?” Kim asked with a small smile while she was petting Leonardo.
Shego frowned; Kim did not even notice her come in. Usually, her pet knew that she was coming in before she even got to the door. Ever since that mutt, though, Kim had been acting like, well, a kid with a new pet. She even allowed Leonardo to lick her in the face and laugh all the way through it. It was disgusting; Shego was sick of having to watch the pair. She was sick of dealing with the pair. She was especially sick of cleaning up after the pair. She wanted that dog gone; the month could not end soon enough as far as she was concerned.
Kim sighed; it seemed like no one on the planet wanted a dog. She wished that she could just keep Leonardo, but the month was dragging on and Shego was not changing her stance on Kim keeping the puppy. She did not see why her owner hated their canine so much; yes, the redhead thought of Leonardo as their puppy, not just hers. He seemed to love Shego; sometimes, Kim thought that he loved Shego more than he loved her.
Leonardo was always tugging at Shego’s pants’ leg, trying to get her attention. He was always trying to hop on the raven-haired woman. He was the one that woke up in the middle of the night whining, begging to get into Shego’s bed; all right, the hero conceded, maybe that was just the way she interpreted his late night cries. Either way, she did not see why Shego disliked their little dog. He was so cute and cuddly, like a living stuffed animal.
The redhead woke up the next day; it would be another day of searching for a home for their canine. She sat up and yawned. She noted that it was a bit cold. She crawled to the edge of the loft and noticed that the front door was open. There were a few grocery bags sitting just outside the door; she guessed that her keeper went shopping early in the morning. Kim figured that she might as well help bring the bags in; it would give her a chance to go through them and see if Shego brought more of her favorite junk foods. She grabbed a couple of bags and then realized something rather important, which was that she had not woken up with Leonardo at her side. She shrugged; the puppy might have actually survived leaping down from the loft and gone to sleep in his own bed. He had done it once before.
The olive-eyed girl marched to the kitchen and put the bags down. On the way, she noted that Leonardo was not in his bed. She looked around kitchen and only saw Shego, who was putting things away into the cupboards. Kim’s face was covered with a puzzled expression.
“Shego, have you seen Leo?” Kim asked curiously while checking inside of the grocery bags. There was a chance that he was playing in one of the bags.
“No,” the pale woman answered plainly.
“I wonder where he is then. Did you get treats for him?”
“I did. Why the hell am I the one buying shit for that fucking mutt?” Shego huffed.
“Well, I spent all my money on toys and stuff,” the redhead pointed out in a light tone. She had broken her bank for the puppy.
“You’ve obviously got no head for money,” Shego said while shaking her head.
“You’re probably right,” Kim conceded. She had blown all her money on a dog that they were not even keeping after all. But, then again, she did not have much money to begin with. “Leo, come on out, we’ve got food!” the girl announced.
Leonardo was much like his owner because he came whenever the word “food” was uttered, just like Kim. He recognized that word almost like it was his name, so Kim was a bit bewildered when he did not come to her. She looked around before deciding to call for him again.
“Leo!” Kim beckoned for the canine, but he did not show up, so she went off to look for him.
The redhead searched the whole apartment, including all of Leonardo’s favorite haunts. She checked in Shego’s closet and under her bed. She then looked in the linen closet; he liked the warm sheets that rested in there that were folded on the floor, much to Shego’s dismay. She then checked in the bathroom because he liked to bark at the fixtures, but only when they were in use. She then checked the spare room, which was like a gym/study. There was exercise equipment in there along with a computer that Shego almost never used. He was not hiding in there and the last place that she checked, the laundry room, he was not there either. And then, she got a very discouraging notion.
“Shego!” Kim called from near the loft.
“What?” the pale woman inquired in an annoyed tone.
“How long was the front door open?”
“I don’t know. A few minutes, I guess. Why?”
“I think Leo ran out of it. Why’d you leave the door open for so long?” Kim asked in a very sorrowful and upset tone.
“Hey, don’t talk to me like that. It’s not like I forced the fucking runt out of the door.”
“You might as well!”
“Hey!” Shego barked and then she stormed out to her distressed pet, wanting to let the girl know that she was out of line face to face. Then she saw Kim’s face and she sighed. “Look, Princess, he couldn’t have gone far. He’s got those short legs, after all. I’ll go look for him,” the elder female volunteered.
“Really?” Kim asked in a hopeful tone.
“I am dressed and I did leave the damn door open,” Shego grumbled.
“Thanks. I’ll get dressed and help.”
“Take your time. I’ll go north and when you get ready, you head south.”
“Gotcha!” the redhead smiled and saluted.
Shego could not believe that she was wasting her day off looking for a mutt that she thoroughly detested because her pet had been wearing an incredibly melancholic face; the girl’s expression was close to being completely lugubrious. To make matters more outrageous to Shego, she realized that she was actually looking for the mutt. She was not pretending to search for the mongrel; she was seriously, actively trying to find that irksome creature. And she did not stop when that realization dawned on her, she continued her search.
“Come on, if I was a dumb, slobber machine with an equally dumb owner, where the hell would I go?” Shego asked herself.
After an hour of searching and getting nowhere, Shego decided that three eyes would be better than two. She pulled out her cell phone and dialed up her friend. She could not believe what she was about to request; she might never live it down.
“Ay,” Betty answered the phone.
“Yeah, what are you doing right now?” the emerald-eyed woman inquired.
“Nothing important. Why?”
“Will you help me look for a puppy?”
“Will I what?” Doctor Director asked because she was almost certain that she had heard wrong. After all, her friend hated dogs.
“Help me look for a puppy,” the younger woman repeated through gritted teeth. She could not believe that she had to utter that sentence twice.
“Don’t you already have a pet?”
“I do. She lost her pet.”
“Your pet has a pet?” the brown-haired woman inquired in disbelief. She had gotten used to the idea of Shego having a pet girl, but now that pet girl had a pet puppy. What was next, the pet puppy was going to have a pet kitten? It was like a bad nursery rhyme.
“Are you going to help me or not?” Shego huffed.
“Where the hell are you right now?”
“Shit, that’s a good question.” The super-powered woman looked around and she could not believe where she was. “Shit, I’m right next to you. Screw this, I’m coming to get you,” Shego proclaimed.
“I didn’t hear myself agree,” Betty pointed out.
“The fuck I care about what you heard or didn’t hear. I’m coming to get you and you’re going to help,” the younger female declared.
“Why am I going to help?” the one-eyed woman asked. She did not even like Shego’s little brat.
“Because I said so.”
“That doesn’t work on me. I’m not your little pet.”
“Fucking asshole,” Shego sighed. “Could you just help me out and stop being a bitch? I can’t go back to the apartment without this damn dog.”
“Why?” Doctor Director asked curiously.
“I’m the one that left the door open and that’s how he got out. Besides, she likes him.”
“Fine, I’ll be outside, you big softie.”
“Don’t be hostile when you need my help,” Betty warned Shego, who frowned; oh, she hated her friend.
The pair of friends wandered around for no more than twenty minutes before the pale woman’s phone went off. She went into her pocket and pulled out her cell phone. She saw that her pet was calling her.
“Yeah?” Shego answered.
“I found him!” Kim declared happily.
“Great, then I’m going home,” Shego informed the girl and then she disconnected the call.
“So, we’re done?” Betty asked.
“Yeah,” the officer replied.
“You’ve got food?”
“Well, I’m coming along,” Betty invited herself to the apartment. Shego did not object; she owed her boss something for dragging her along on a wild-goose chase. A meal seemed like a fair trade.
The two women returned to the condo to find Kim with Leonardo. The redhead was rubbing the dog’s head while muttering about him being a good boy. Shego rolled her eyes and went to the kitchen to see what they had to eat. Betty focused on the puppy, who took notice of her. Leonardo approached the new comer curiously.
“What the?” Betty muttered as Leonardo pulled at her pant leg.
“He likes you,” Kim explained.
“All right. So, he’s yours?”
“Well, for now,” the redhead answered.
“Well, Shego doesn’t want him around, so I’ve got to find him a new home by the end of the month. He’s pretty well trained and he’s really affectionate. Hey….do you want him?” Kim asked hesitantly.
“Huh?” Betty was taken by surprise that the little brat was offering her something, especially something important.
“Do you want him? He’s a really good dog.”
“Why don’t you just keep him? Surely you can get away with that,” the one-eyed woman commented. Shego seemed to give into everything that the little pest wanted; it was rather nauseating in Betty’s opinion.
The younger female shrugged. “Probably, but I don’t want to get away with it. Shego doesn’t want him around and once school starts, I won’t really have time for him,” she explained.
“You mean to tell me you’re actually taking care of this dog? I can see why he ran away,” Betty remarked.
“He didn’t run away. He just wandered off. So, how about it? Like I said, he likes you. I bet you could use some companionship,” Kim retorted and that earned her a solid punch in the head. “Ow! What did you do that for?” the redhead inquired while rubbing her now sore dome.
“You should learn to have some respect. Just because your mistress let’s you get away with murder doesn’t mean I will,” the one-eyed female replied.
“You didn’t have to hit me,” Kim complained in a grumble. “Now I’m not even sure if I want you to have Leonardo. You might hurt him.”
“You think you can take care of a dog better than I can?”
“Well, I’d never hit him.”
“I wouldn’t hit him either,” Betty argued. “I only hit you because you’re a brat. I’ll take the dog. I like pups well enough. They’re way better than brats,” she stated.
Kim stuck her tongue out at Betty because of those words. The older woman hit Kim again in the same spot. The redhead accidentally bit her tongue because of the blow.
“Ow!” Kim complained.
Kim and Shego were relaxing on the sofa; Kim had her head in Shego’s lap. The raven-haired woman was stroking her pet’s hair and scanning the living room, which was finally clear of all of Leonardo’s junk. They had given Betty all of the canine’s things, except for the collar and tag that he had been wearing, as those happened to be Kim’s things.
“Shego, how come you hate dogs so much?” Kim asked curiously while fighting off the urge to just fall asleep in her master’s very comfortable lap. If there was a better pillow in the land than Shego’s legs, Kim had never found it and did not plan on looking for it.
“I don’t know. I just do. I hate all animals really,” Shego replied.
“Too many pets as a kid, I guess.”
“You hate animals because you had pets?” Kim did not see the connection there. She thought that a kid with a bunch of pets would grow up to love animals.
“Well, my brothers had pets mostly. The average lifespan was about two weeks for anything not smart enough to run. You learn not to get attached. I think when I was really little I had a dog, though,” the pale woman recollected.
“You think? Shouldn’t you be sure? I mean, it was a dog.”
“Well, pets blend together and I was really little. My mother brought the dog in one day and told me that she was mine, but my older brother was always trying to take her, even though he had his own pets. I was about six at the time. My mother actually made me take care of that dog… I think it was a cocker spaniel.”
“Did you have to walk it and everything?”
“Sometimes,” Shego answered.
“At age six?” the redhead asked in disbelief.
“Yeah, well, on some days my mother would come with me and on other days, she’d say if I got kidnapped it was my own fault for some reason or another. I know one time she told me that if I was stupid enough to take candy from a stranger than I was better off staying with the stranger,” the raven-haired woman replied.
“That’s tough. So, what happened to your dog?”
“My stupid brother. I knew he was going to end up doing something stupid because I hadn’t even had the damn dog for a week and he left the gate open to let her wander out of the yard. She came back that same day and he didn’t seem satisfied with just doing that stupid shit. The dumb ass bastard decided to play a game with her instead of his two dogs and he did a wrestling move on her. He snapped her neck and her spine,” Shego informed her pet with a forced laugh. Could she have possibly gotten stupider brothers, she often wondered.
“That’s awful,” Kim muttered for lack of a better thing to say.
“Yeah, but so goes the circle of life,” the elder woman commented in a dismissive tone. “It wasn’t like she was the first or last animal he killed.”
“So, what was her name?”
Shego thought on the question for a moment and then she laughed. “I named her Pumpkin. Her fur was a dark sort of orange and I named her Pumpkin because of that.”
“Wait a minute, you named me after your dog?” Kim asked incredulously. Shego only laughed more; she had forgotten all about that dog. She had been her only pet until Kim came along.
Next time: They say speak of the devil and he shall appear, well, then maybe Shego should not have mentioned her family. Things might get a little messy.