My mistress makes life interesting and that’s a big thing for a person like me to say. It’s always a new surprise with her, but most of the time, I don’t think she knows how to handle it. Well, I’m here to help when things get like that. I don’t think she realizes that either sometimes, though. I can’t let her do these things on her own, even if she swears that she knows what she’s doing.
Shego got off of work and had an hour to find a dog that she could play off as her own. That was easy once she remembered that her boss had a dog, a dog that she was familiar enough with to pretend that it was her own canine. She went to Betty’s house and snatched up Leonardo for her charade and she was a bit surprised by how big he had gotten. But, she recalled that he was a dog and they tended to grow rapidly in short periods of time. She dragged him into the apartment and hoped that something kept her pet out later than usual; things were going to be awkward enough with her pretending that Leonardo was her dog and Junior was going to be in her home. She really did not need her monster around making things even stranger.
There was also the fact that the green-skinned woman did not want to chance Junior hitting on her pet. He seemed like the type of guy that hit on anything with curves and from the way her imp was naïve about certain things, she doubted that Kim would notice that he was trying to flirt with her. So, it would certainly be best if her elf was not at the apartment.
Shego’s wish was not granted; her pet was home when she arrived. Why was it that her pet never did what she wanted her to do, Shego wondered. Kim greeted her mistress with a hug as usual and then she cheered with delight the moment that she saw Leonardo. She hugged the canine around the neck.
“Who’s a big boy?” the redhead asked in a baby-talk kind of voice while rubbing noses with the beast. Leonardo licked Kim right in the face and she only laughed about it.
“Could you not do that?” Shego requested. It was one thing to have to put up with the mutt and the nut that was going to show up, but to have to put up with her little imp loving the drool monster in their company was a bit too much. She definitely did not want to have to put up with watching the canine lick her pet in the face.
“Fine,” the slender hero sighed. “So, what’s he doing here?” she inquired in a curious tone. She had been under the impression that he was not welcome in the house as far as her owner was concerned.
“I’m pretending that he’s my dog for a guy that likes me because I can’t offend him or his dad might not donate big bucks to our poor as fuck division of law enforcement,” the pale woman summed up her plight as simply as possible.
“So, you’re stringing the guy along for the money?” the redhead asked to make sure that she had all straight.
“Pretty much,” Shego confirmed.
“Doesn’t seem like you.”
“I got forced into it. It was this or a suspension,” the super-powered female replied. That suspension was looking mighty tempting after a week of constantly seeing that smiling moron and having to hear his voice. Ah, she was not sure how she had not gone completely insane yet. She should have taken the suspension when she had the chance, a voice screamed in her mind.
Kim nodded to show that she understood. “So, is he cute?”
“Yeah, and obnoxious, self-centered, and a big baby,” Shego elaborated.
“Sounds like Drakken,” the girl commented. Aside for the cute part anyway, her mind added. She doubted that anyone on the planet thought of Drakken as cute.
“Every guy I meet in summary sounds like Drakken. I’m starting to think a gypsy cursed me when I wasn’t looking. Look, do you think you could take a walk or something?” the older woman requested.
“But, I want to stay!” Kim whined. She thought that a show was about to go on and she wanted to be a player or at least a member of the audience. She might even be able to help; she was certain that she could be of some assistance to her owner if she was just given the chance.
“Yeah, but he’s coming over—”
“So, we’ll tell him that I’m your cousin, like we did with Drakken,” the redhead reasoned. It was a very plausible lie.
“Not so simple. For the whole week, I’ve been running out on the guy, using the excuse that I need to feed my dog. He sees you here and he’ll just wonder why didn’t I get you to feed the stupid mutt,” Shego countered.
“Wow, he can think like that? Maybe you should date him,” the younger woman suggested. She doubted that Drakken would ever brake down a real world situation so logically. How a genius could be so stupid would always be beyond Kim’s comprehension.
“No, he’s not that smart, but he still might wonder. I can’t take that chance So, you have to go.”
“But, I want to stay with you and Leo. What if I stay in the loft? I won’t come out. Promise,” Kim vowed with an impish grin, making it extremely difficult to believe her pledge.
“No, you have to get out.”
“But, Shego!” Kim wailed to her mistress.
“No, and go put on a jacket. It’s a little chilly out there because of the rain this morning,” the raven-haired female commanded.
“I know, I’ve been out there,” the redhead grumbled. Oh, throwing a tantrum was so tempting at the moment, but she would never use such a power when it came to something that might seriously affect her mistress. Everything that was going on was for business and not pleasure; tantrums were for pleasure.
“Stop mumbling, put on the jacket, and get out,” Shego ordered.
The petite redhead muttered under her breath about not liking being forced to leave as she marched to the hall closet to grab a jacket. Leonardo followed Kim to the closet, nudging her just because he wanted her attention. There was a knock at the door and Shego checked her watch; it could not be Junior already, she thought. She opened the door; yup, it was him. Shego considered that she might actually be cursed.
“Hey there, pretty lady,” Junior greeted her and he leaned down to kiss her on the cheek. Shego was too stunned with him taking such a liberty to even think to pull away.
“Junior, you’re early,” she pointed out. It was like no one had any courtesy anymore; she would like to think that people were raised better than that since she had been raised to be polite. She just chose to ignore that lesson most of the time.
“Yes, I couldn’t wait to be with you. I figured you probably couldn’t wait to be with me. So, here I am. Where is the dog?” he asked.
“Right over there,” Shego sighed while motioning to Kim and Leonardo. She could not help wondering where he got his logic from because she certainly could have waited to be with him; she could have happily waited years, decades, even centuries.
“Oh, hello, Miss. I’m Senor Senior Junior,” the ocean-eyed male introduced himself while going over and kissing Kim’s hand. The girl glanced at her master for just a second, who was rolling her emerald eyes.
“I’m Kim Possible, Shego’s cousin,” Kim replied.
“Oh, she never mentioned having such a pretty cousin. I guess it must just run in your family. Do you live around here?” he asked the redhead.
“No, I don’t. Far from here, actually. No, I just got into town. I came to Shego’s house for a free meal,” Kim lied smoothly.
“Oh, the lady cooks?” Junior asked while turning to smile at the lady of the house, who desired nothing more than punch him in the mouth. She was so sick of him smiling at her. What the hell was he so happy about? Ignorance really was bliss, she guessed from the look on his face.
“She cooks wonderfully. She was just about to make a big spaghetti dinner,” Kim informed the guest.
The pale woman frowned; she was going to utterly destroy her little monster when they were alone for using Junior to get a pasta meal out of her. She had already made pasta once that week for her pet and she never treated the girl to pasta twice in the same week. She stalked off into the kitchen to go prepare the now expected meal. She glanced at the pair that she was leaving in the living room while she had the chance; that smiling moron better not touch her pet or he was going to regret it in the worst way, she thought as she disappeared into the kitchen.
Kim and Junior got to know each other while interacting with Leonardo. The dog favored Kim’s attention over Junior’s, but she assured him that it was not something personal; she just had a way with animals. In all truth, the canine did not seem to like Junior very much. In fact, when the ebony-haired young man went to touch Leonardo, the canine went and hid behind Kim.
The redhead took a moment or so to study Junior while she had the chance. He was a step up from Drakken, she would give him that. But then again, it did not take much to be better than the cerulean inventor. She was not too sure if she should worry about him so far because her mistress did not seem to like him much, but Shego was a strange person. Just because she did not seem to like someone did not mean anything. After all, she did not seem to like Drakken much, yet she was dating him and had been for a long time. So, Kim figured that she would see how the night went before seeing if a third person had entered the contest.
Kim looked at the young man. He was cute. He was close to adorable with those blue eyes of his. Like she already thought, he was definitely a step up from Drakken. If he did decide to be competition, she might find herself slightly challenged. Now, her natural “kimness” did love a challenge, as did the Possible inside of her, but not when it came to Shego. She would work hard for her mistress, but she did not want Shego to be distracted by a pretty face and charming smile.
“This is a very nice place that your cousin has here,” Junior commented as he looked around the apartment. It was a large space and had just about everything that a person could need. He threw off the hero’s thoughts off with his words.
“Yeah, it’s totally spanking,” Kim concurred.
“So, are you close to your cousin?”
“Yeah, we’re kind of tight,” the olive-eyed girl confirmed.
“Do you know about her boyfriend?” he asked curiously. It sounded as if he was looking for dirt on Drakken, but Kim did not see the point in offering anymore than the answer to his question.
“Yeah.” She wished that she did not know anything about the man, but she knew about him. She knew more about him than she needed to know, she was sure of that.
“Has she been with him for a long time?”
“Yeah,” she replied. Too long in Kim’s very biased opinion.
“Does she like him a lot?”
“Probably,” Kim grudgingly admitted. Something had to keep her adored mistress with that overly annoying twit and she figured that Shego had to like the man somewhat, even though he brought her misery more often than not.
“Do you think sunbathing on my yacht could change that?” he inquired.
“I don’t think the way to Shego’s heart is through her wallet,” she answered; at least, she hoped that was the case. If Shego was waiting for someone with money, Kim figured that her chances were shot down like wild geese during hunting season. After all, if she had two pennies to rub together, it was only because Shego had given them to her.
“Well, there must be some way to get her away from that old, non-tan, blue man,” Junior commented.
“Hey, if you find it, let me know,” Kim joked.
A knock at the door interrupted the evening. Shego was still in the kitchen making spaghetti, so Kim knew that it was on her to get the door. She opened the door and almost gasped, but she caught herself. Drakken was at the door. Oh, her mistress was going to have a time of it now, the petite adventurer thought.
“Good evening, sir,” the redhead said with a bit of a nervous smile. She was willing to bet that now it was a good thing that she did not go off on that walk like her owner wanted her to do earlier.
“Where’s Shego?” he demanded to know.
“She’s not here,” Kim lied. But, he did not seem to believe that one; she had been certain that she would have gotten him with too.
“Shego!” Drakken bellowed and stepped inside of the apartment. Kim sighed and shut the door behind the irksome inventor. Drakken entered the living room and noticed the sapphire-eyed young man. “What’s he doing here?” the scientist shouted.
“I am here for the dog. What of you?” Junior countered.
“What dog?” Drakken asked in a puzzled voice.
“Leonardo, duh. Don’t you even know that your own girlfriend has such a large dog?” Junior replied. Leonardo was getting to be on the big side; Kim wondered what kind of mixed dog he was.
“Shego,” Drakken called again.
“What?” Shego huffed as she came into the living to get the man to stop yelling.
The super-powered female did not even care that her boyfriend had shown up while she was entertaining another man; she was not even embarrassed by that. She was upset with him for screaming her names through out the house as if it was miles wide. It actually never occurred to her to even be ashamed with what was going on. But then again, she did not shame easily.
“When did you get this dog?” the cerulean inventor inquired as if he was angry with her for having the nerve to have a canine. If that was the reason that he was angry, he certainly had his priorities confused, the two ladies thought.
“I don’t know. What the hell does that have to do with anything anyway? What the hell are you even doing here?” the pale woman countered. Could the evening get shot to hell anymore than it was?
“I came by to see you,” he replied, still sounding very outraged. He had noticed all of the special attention that she was receiving from Junior through out the week and he was going to confront her about it, but now he found the young man at her residence. He did not know what to think.
“Why can’t you call just once?” she inquired; if he called, she would know not to answer the phone. She needed to prepare mentally being spending time with him.
“Look, I’m here now. What’s he doing here?” Drakken pointed at Junior, who looked offended that the onyx-eyed doctor was even paying him some mind.
“He’s having fun with the dog. Why don’t you follow his example while I got finish dinner,” she suggested.
“You’re cooking for him?”
“She’s cooking for me,” Kim interjected to give her beloved owner a chance to escape, which Shego did as soon as the scarred scientist turned his attention to the redhead. And to think, her master did not want her around, she mentally gloated.
“Don’t you ever do anything around here?” Drakken snapped, obviously taking his anger out on her since she was an easy target. Well, he thought that she was an easy target anyway.
“Sure, I do plenty. I smile big and look really cute. On challenging days, I sleep for long hours. Those really hard jobs,” she quipped. She was tempted to tell him that she cuddled close to Shego on really tough days, namely everyday. He probably would not know how to take that, she considered.
Drakken grumbled and turned his attention to the dog. Leonardo growled at the newcomer as he reached out to touch him; as unfriendly as the canine had been toward Junior, he had not growled at the sapphire-eyed young man. Drakken seemed to be getting it from all sides. Rightfully so, Kim thought.
The party of four reluctantly sat down for dinner together, even Leonardo was served; he just did not have the same meal as everyone else. Shego let the dog have some ground beef, which seemed to satisfy him. He was left in the kitchen to avoid getting anything on her carpeted dining room floor.
Kim appeared to be the only happy one of the bipedal bunch and that was more than likely because they were having spaghetti; or at least that was what Shego thought. The pale woman knew that no matter how her pet acted, the girl could not be happy to be sharing the table with two men that were interested in Shego. Everyone was silent for a long moment.
“You know, this is one of the best meals I’ve ever tasted,” Junior commented. He had already finished half of his meal.
“Isn’t it just spanking,” Kim concurred. If her extraordinary master could not do anything else, she could cook.
“Yes, next time I’ll bring wine,” Junior offered.
“Next time?” Shego and Drakken said simultaneously. There had better not be a next time.
“Of course. Oh, but next time, while I’m in town, I should take you out. If your cousin’s around, perhaps she’ll join us,” Junior replied. No one at the table could believe his proposal.
The guy had balls; they all had to give him that. After all, he had just stated, not asked, that he was going to take out the girlfriend of another man with that man sitting right across the table from him. That took an incredible amount of guts and absolutely no respect for the other man involved. It was even more incredible when the other man involved did not say a word in return.
“I’m there,” Kim stated with a smile. She knew that with every smile, she was dooming herself further with her mistress. When Junior and Drakken left, her owner was probably going to murder her and that was if she was lucky. Her owner could always decide to be really evil and just never make spaghetti ever again. Oh, one day, she might have to consider being a good pet; after all, she did depend on that woman for everything and it probably was a good idea to not always get on her keeper’s nerves.
“Okay then,” Junior said and he flashed that perfect smile of his along with his shiny teeth, which bothered Shego.
The super-powered woman hated seeing males smile at her pet. From Josh to Ron to Felix to Junior, she just did not like it when they smiled at her monster. She also thoroughly detested when guys made her pet smile. She refused to consider the reason behind those feelings, but she admitted to herself that she disliked such things.
Surprisingly enough, everyone survived dinner; no one was even scratched. There were a few times when it seemed like Shego was going to snap, but she controlled herself. They made it out of the meal safely, but there was still more to the night it seemed because no one was making for the door to return to home. It was not even that they had to go home; Shego just wanted the guys to get the hell out of her house now that she had very reluctantly fed them. Great, she realized, now she was expected to entertain the freeloading bastards too.
Shego walked Junior to the door when the night was finally done. He and Drakken had done most of the entertaining that evening, doing everything except for whipping them out to see whose was bigger; she and Kim were thankful for that. But, they did spend the whole night trying to one-up each other, apparently attempting to impress Shego. Kim was ready to tell them that they should do like most other mammalian males and fight for her mistress; it would have been a funny sight to see, she was sure of that.
Junior was leaving at the absolute last moment only because his daddy could not hold their private plane on a commercial runaway for any longer than it was necessary for the young man to get his tanned hide to the airport. She hated to think of what would have happened if the plane could have been delayed just a little longer; she might have had to kill someone to relieve her frustration with the two guys. She bid him farewell and was about to close the door on the nightmare, but he stopped her.
“What’s wrong?” the pale woman inquired.
“I forgot something,” he realized.
Junior leaned down and kissed Shego gently right on the lips. It lasted for almost ten seconds before he pulled away; it never even entered her mind to push him away from her. The kiss was soft and sweet, like a marshmallow. He whispered his goodbye and left her in a daze in the doorway.
“Shit,” she muttered when it finally dawned on her what she had just done.
The green-hued female walked back into the living room to sit with Drakken. Kim had volunteered to “walk” Leonardo; she was, of course, returning him to his proper home. The girl did not want to be around with Drakken in the house because she did not want to experience anymore of his screw-ups.
In Kim’s opinion, Junior proved that Drakken deserved Shego just as much as a monkey deserved a million dollars; the scientist really must have just won the girlfriend lottery when it came to Shego. Any man that remained silent while another man told his girlfriend that they were going out when he got back into town did not deserve the girl. Kim knew that if Shego was her girlfriend and Junior had tried that mess, she would have kicked his ass eight ways to Sunday and then warned him that if he ever tried anything like that again, he would only be able to have meals through a straw for the rest of his life, but that was if Shego was her girl. Unfortunately, Shego was Drakken’s girl.
“So, what was he doing here?” Drakken demanded to know.
“He just wanted to see the dog, that’s all,” Shego answered in a dismissive tone. It was not like she had done anything wrong; nothing that he knew about anyway.
“And what about all of the flowers and candy and stuff that he brought you this week?” he inquired, still in a huff about everything.
“What? I threw that shit out. I can’t help it if the guy wants to buy me shit,” she argued.
She could not stop Junior from buying her a bunch of things unless she followed him around all day and hurt him to get her point across since he did not seem to listen to her much when she spoke. She had not even kept the stuff that he brought her; she gave the toys and candy to her pet, who thoroughly enjoyed all of the gifts. It was not hard to please her elfish monster, well, as far as she was concerned anyway.
“You don’t…um…like him, do you?” he inquired in an unsure voice.
“What?” She was taken back by the question. She absolutely did not like Junior. She could not stand him at all. He was just an annoying, big baby, right?
“You know like him like him,” Drakken clarified like they were in the fourth grade.
“No, I don’t like Junior. He’s, uh, Junior,” she pointed out with a shudder. He was nothing more than a spoiled, rich brat that probably was only interested in her because he thought that she saved his life. There was nothing to like about him, except that he was handsome, athletically built, rich, had cute eyes and he had a kiss that could make a girl melt. But, she digressed.
“Okay,” Drakken said.
“Why, did you think I was going to bolt on you and leave you for Junior?” she asked with a laugh.
“No!” he denied that vehemently.
“Good because that would be stupid.” It would be stupid to leave one annoyance to be with another, she told herself. Sure that other annoyance was rich, powerful, and handsome, but he was still quite irksome.
“I know. I mean, why would you leave me? I got game,” Drakken proclaimed.
“Yeah, insane amounts of game,” she scoffed and rolled her jade eyes. He had about as much game as a newborn baby.
“You doubt my mad game?” he inquired.
Okay, she wanted to know who was teaching him stuff like that. He made slang not only sound unnatural, but almost unholy. He definitely made it sound extremely uncool and she would not be surprised if he was stuck by lightning and smote by the gods of hotness for it.
“No, no, no. I’ve got no doubt about your mad game,” she replied. Yeah, she knew for a fact that the man was mad, stark, raving to be exact.
“Let me show you.”
Shego was kissed for the second time that night and it was the second best kiss of the evening. She ignored that fact and just figured it was good that Drakken was exerting himself. In the back of her mind, she had to remember to kick Betty’s ass for making her entertain Junior because that merely started a bunch of trouble and possibly opened up a can of worms that she did not even want to acknowledge.
Next time: With Junior gone, one would think that Shego’s life would get easier. Don’t think like that. Never think that her life gets easier. Shego’s life spirals downward to the point that she contemplates getting rid of Kim. What could bring such thoughts on?