On a Short Leash

Dilemma Twenty Two

Meeting of the minds…the insane minds


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TITLE: Meeting of the minds…the insane minds

AUTHOR: StarvingLunatic

DISCLAIMER: I don’t own these characters and I don’t own the premise.

SUMMARY: AU. This is the sequel to Walking the Line. Kim and Shego look to renew their unorthodox relationship.

TYPE: Kim/Shego, Kim, Ron, Shego/Drakken, Other, Friendship, Romance, Slash

RATING: US: R / DE: 16

Warning: Ed is raw dog. In other words, he is vulgar. Very, very vulgar.

Note: My weekend is no longer mine, so I decided to update today and leave you guys hanging for a few days. Have fun with this, though.

Words: 4333

Shego caressing her pet.

Despite being a very pampered pet, I can still get my hands dirty with some fun work. Work can be fun, right? I’m sure it can because I love everything I do and some of that is actually work in the sense that I’m either trained to do it or in rare happenings getting paid to do it. Yes, I do get paid sometimes to do stuff.

Shego returned to work to find out that they had all new equipment around the whole place, especially down in the lab. Well, she heard anyway; she tried her best to never go down to the lab because things tended to get creepy and very weird down there. She knocked on the boss’ door to hopefully gain an understanding as to what was going on around the whole office. She was granted entrance; she would have gone in whether the chief liked it or not, but she felt like being semi-polite and knocked.

“Hey, what’s with the redecorating?” Shego asked Betty.

“Isn’t it great?” Doctor Director countered with an eerie smile.

Shego fought against a shudder that wanted to race through her body because she could not recall the last time that she had seen the older woman smile with some joy. It was a bit disturbing. She might have to tell Betty to never smile again, but she doubted that chief would comply. In fact, she might make it a point to smile more often to be irksome.

“The mayor increased our budget?” the green-skinned female guessed because that was about the only thing that she believed would affect her business-minded employer enough to make her smile.

“Don’t be stupid. He’d never do something that smart. It’s your guy,” the one-eyed woman replied.

“Drakken?” the younger woman asked in a puzzled tone. What could he have done to make Betty smile? Oh, she did not even want to go down that path in her head.

“No, Junior,” Betty answered in “duh” kind of voice.

“Junior? He’s here?” Shego inquired while looking around.

“No. You’re just on with the stupid questions today. He just sent a check to be nice and offered up all of this brand new equipment. It’s top of the line stuff,” the chief informed her employee.

“You’re kidding.”

“No, he donated all of this stuff. You must have really put it on that kid,” Doctor Director commented.

“I didn’t sleep with him,” the emerald-eyed woman argued.

“I didn’t say you did. I just said you put it on the guy. You’ve got him under your spell. Now, that I think about it, you’ve been enchanting some of the strangest people. First Drakken, then Pumpkin, and now Junior. And you always hook them without sex.”

“You’re losing my interest,” the pale woman commented.

“Just musing out loud. Don’t mind me,” Betty replied. She did find it a bit fascinating that her younger friend had people just desiring her and willing to do so much for her when Shego was hardly even friendly to them. Shego’s motto seemed to be “kill ‘em with cruelty and plasma” and people just came back for more, which led Doctor Director to believe that most people were clearly morons or gluttons for punishment.

“Any work for me?” The raven-haired woman was wishing out loud more than likely and she was aware of that.

“None at the moment, but I will keep you posted.”

Shego nodded and left the office. She tried to not think about what Betty was going on about. She did not really enchant people; she just made the error of doing things like paying attention to Drakken, pulling Kim out of a box and feeding the little monster, and worst of all, rescuing Junior from that robot that seemed to be trying to do the world a favor. All of those things had complicated her life. She did not know why, but those people, Drakken, Kim, and Junior all seemed to think that her strange mistakes more than errors on her part. In fact, Kim seemed to take the miscues as signs of kindness and love. She sighed as she thought about it, so she decided to stop thinking about it. She just did not need the headache.

(New Day)

Shego came in from an assignment and found an odd sight waiting for her in the office. There was a crowd of people outside of the chief’s door; it looked like the whole department was at her door. The green-hued woman wondered what the big deal was, but decided that she would wait until Betty was free to simply ask her. The pale woman went to her desk and began to type up a report in her latest mission on her brand new computer and silently noting that having more money in the budget was fantastic. Every desk now had a computer for the officers, which was great for those of them that had to do a brief report on each assignment that they had.

Before the Seniors donated money to the department, there were no more than five computers in the whole building and one of those was in Doctor Director’s office for her personal use. Another one had been located down in the lab. There were three remaining computers for the whole department to use, making their jobs when it came to doing reports almost impossible. Many of the officers used to just handwrite their reports, hand those over to the couple of secretaries around the place, and pray to any divine being there might be that the paperwork made it to the chief; sometimes it did and sometimes it did not. Shego, of course, just used Betty’s computer back in what the department now considered to be the dark ages.

The emerald-eyed female finished her report and waited for the crowd to disperse around the boss’ office. She had to wait until it was time to go home to speak with her friend. Betty was swamped with papers piled high on her desk. That unusual smile that she had been wearing before was long gone, replaced by a look of frustration. Well, at least that was not as alarming as her smiling; hey, an aggravated Betty was the norm.

“What happened?” Shego inquired.

“All of the new equipment is acting screwy,” Doctor Director sighed. Just when she thought that their department was going to be all right, something had to come up. Damn it, it was always something!

“Yeah?” Shego asked. She did not think that anything was acting crazy, but then again, out of everyone, she had least amount of new stuff. She only got the computer while other people had gotten new weapons, vehicles, and other things. Her computer was performing lovely, so she really could care less than nothing about what everyone else was going through.

“Yeah, so everybody’s complaining,” the boss huffed.

“Call the company that makes all this junk then.”

“I’ve tried, but Hench Co. is a tough company to get a response from,” the one-eyed woman answered.

“Then call Senor Senior Senior,” the younger woman suggested.

“I don’t want to sound ungrateful.”

“You’re going to make me call, aren’t you?”

“Well, Junior does like you and you are here,” the brown-haired woman replied.

“Fuck it all. Give me the phone,” Shego sighed. “I do expect more days for this one.”

“Of course,” Betty conceded. In a little while, if she continued to need Shego to do things that were not in the officer’s job description, the younger female would have enough days to take a year off.

The raven-haired woman picked up the phone and dialed up Junior after her boss gave her the number. He seemed rather pleased to hear from her, even when she got down to business and made it rather plain that was the reason for her call. He dismissed her business quite easily, saying that he would tell his father to send the best person that money could buy to fix everything.

Junior then started a conversation with the emerald-eyed officer, asking how she was, how her pretty cousin was, and telling her that he wished that she was around to relax by his pool with him. A part of her did admit that it did sound tempting. Being by a pool side always topped being at work, even if it meant that she would have to be with Junior.

Shego did have to watch what she said with Betty sitting right there. She had to also make sure her face belied any “I miss you too” and other lines that she spoke. Some small part of her did desire to see Junior again and it tried to make that known in the conversation, but she fought against it. She did stay on the phone with him for a long time; in fact, they spoke until his cell phone battery dead.

“That didn’t sound like you asking for help,” Betty pointed out as her friend hung up the phone.

“He said he’ll have his father sent for somebody. Go home, Bets,” Shego replied with sigh.

“That was a long conversation,” Doctor Director commented, as if she was about to start teasing her life-long friend.

“Keep it up and I’ll call him back and tell him to fuck off.”

Betty held her hands up in defeat. Shego smirked; it felt good to have a trump card again. She did not stick around gloat, though. After all, she did have a pet at home that was expecting dinner that she needed to get to, especially before the fool kid started searching the kitchen for junk food to spoil her appetite.

(New Day)

Shego waited with Doctor Director outside of her office. They were waiting for the repair team to come by and figure out what was wrong with most of their supposedly brand new equipment. Most of the department was anticipating the same thing, especially since they had such a high stake in things. Shego balked when she noticed a blonde enter the building with four other men, including a dwarf that Shego still wanted to kick a field goal with.

“Yo, I’m looking for Doctor Director, seriously,” Ed announced in an extremely loud voice. Yes, he was the blonde that Shego was looking at.

“I’m Doctor Director,” Betty informed him while walking up to the team with her employee behind her.

“Whoa, babe, what the hell happened to your eye, seriously?” Ed inquired while blatantly checking out the chief. She might have been wearing an eye-patch, but she was still curvy in all of the right places, which was all he required.

“Interesting, gorillas come in blonde now,” she muttered while reaching out to shake his hand. He did not notice the move as Shego caught his eye. She was actually glad to not have to touch him.

“Whoa, it’s totally the green babe again,” the mechanic commented while slicking back his hair as if he was about to make a move on her.

“You know this brute?” Betty asked her friend.

“It’s my pet’s fault,” Shego replied. While she tended to attract losers, meeting an idiot Ed’s caliber required a lot of help.

“Are you the team that Hench Co. sent over?” the boss asked Ed. She was actually hoping that they were not the team.

“Seriously. Take me to your busted vehicles and whatnot,” Ed replied with a laugh; the ladies failed to see what was funny. The friends glanced at each other, neither believing what they had to deal with at the moment.

“This is a leading mechanical engineer?” Betty whispered to her comrade while the blonde male flashed his identification to prove that he was the man sent in by Hench Co.

Shego was about to make a witty reply, but she noticed something even stranger than Ed approaching them. A trio entered the building and the trio included a blonde woman dressed in a very skimpy outfit along with a familiar brunette in a wheelchair and her pet. She arched a curious ebony eyebrow.

“What the hell is going on?” Shego wondered out loud. It was starting to feel like the universe was setting things up for one of its infamous jokes. She might have to leave, she considered.

“Hi, I’m looking for Doctor Director,” the blonde woman announced with a pleasant smile on her face.

“That’s her right there,” Kim told the scantly clad woman while pointing to the chief.

“Oh, pleasure to meet you,” the blonde woman said while going up to Betty and taking the one-eyed female’s hand while Betty was busy wondering who the hell the blonde woman was. She sounded like a spoiled, vacant teenager. She did not look much older than a teenager either; Betty was certain that Shego was older than the blonde woman. And she did not even want to get into the way the blonde female was dressed.

“And you are?” the brunette female inquired in a puzzled tone while pulling her hand back. She hated being touched without granting permission, especially by people that she did not know.

“Oh, sorry,” the blonde woman apologized and giggled. Why was everyone laughing at things that were not funny, Betty and Shego wondered; they were sure that there was no gas leak in the place to cause such ditzy behavior.

“Whoa, Red, Wheels, what are you two punks doing here, seriously?” Ed inquired when he noticed Kim and her friend.

“We’re with Doctor Porter,” Felix answered while motioning to the blonde woman with a nod of his head.

“Her uncle asked her to come and make sure everything ran perfectly since she wasn’t doing anything this week around the space center,” Kim explained.

“Doctor Porter?” Ed echoed. The name sounded familiar to him, but he was not sure where he might have heard it. He really did not care about the name once he noticed the doctor’s body. It was like the place was full of hot chicks, he thought.

“Hi, you must be Ed. I’m Doctor Vivian Porter, but feel free to call me Vivian,” the blonde female introduced herself with a friendly smile.

“Whoa, no way is a babe checking in on my work, seriously,” Ed objected while waving his hands around like the madman he was to show that he was completely against the notion of having a woman inspecting his handiwork.

“I’m not checking in on your work. My uncle asked me to look at the stuff down in the lab,” Vivian assured him.

“And what did you bring Red and Wheels for? I’m not working with them, seriously,” Ed declared.

“Calm down. We’re helping Doctor Porter with her work. We’re not even thinking about you. Why would we work with you when we’ve got those curves to follow around?” Felix remarked with a lewd smirk.

“Felix, do you want me to tell Monique that you’re looking at another woman’s ass?” Kim teased in a rather angelic tone.

“I’m just making sure that no other woman’s ass is better than hers,” he replied with an angelic look on his own.

“Wait, you’re going to use these two kids to help you fix all of that complex and delicate equipment in the lab?” Doctor Director asked Vivian incredulously.

Betty did not trust Kim to tie her own shoes, so she damn sure did not trust the girl around all of that sophisticated and sensitive lab equipment. She did not care what everyone else said about the hero, she had seen the girl in action enough to question a lot of what other people said. She did not trust any kid that was Kim’s friend near those things either, so she was skeptical about Felix’s ability to do anything. She was barely willing to trust the blonde woman to do anything with the way that she looked.

“Kim and Felix know enough about these things to fix some of the mistakes that those hacks that work at my uncle’s company make. They’re nice kids,” Vivian commented and patted Felix on the shoulder since he was closest to her.

“Yeah, I mean, Kim remember that time we disassembled that tank made by Hench Co. and put it back together?” Felix asked with an amused look in his sky-colored eyes.

“Yeah, not quite as complicated as they made it seem,” Kim replied with a shrug. Hench Co. sometimes cut corners depending on what team of engineers they had working on something because some teams were lazier than others.

“Yeah, my uncle Jack should give you two jobs,” Vivian stated with another bright smile.

As if the whole scene was not bizarre enough, Drakken wandered up from the lab. He stepped off the elevator and noticed Shego with the crowd by the chief’s door. He wondered what was going on. He decided to join the crew and find out what was happening. He then noted that he knew a couple of people in the group, first he noticed Kim.

“Shego, what’s going on? What’s she doing here?” Drakken demanded to know, coming up behind the pale officer and pointing at the redhead to make it clear who it was that he meant.

“Apparently, she’s helping this woman fix the lab equipment,” Shego replied, motioning to Vivian.

“I can fix the lab equipment,” the cerulean scientist declared.

“You’re not authorized to ticker around with that technology like that,” Doctor Director argued. She would rather people that the company sent mess around with all of that junk because if anything went wrong, it was on the company and not because her employees were fooling around with things. Although she was starting to think that the company was not taking the repair job seriously; it was that or science was really on the decline. She was leaning toward the latter.

“Whoa, cuz, is that you?” Ed asked when he noticed Drakken sort of hiding behind Shego.

“What the? Eddie what are you doing here?” Drakken inquired in a confused voice when he noticed the blonde male.

“I’m here fixing vehicles and crap sent in by Hench Co. What are you doing around here surrounded by gorgeous babes, seriously?” Ed replied. He did think that his cousin was lucky if he got to be around so many hot women all of the time.

“I work here,” Drakken answered.

“Dude, that is totally sweet, seriously,” the mechanical engineer commented. He would not mind working around Shego, Doctor Director, and Doctor Porter. Well, maybe not so much working around them, but playing around with them. Hey, even Kim was extra hot in his opinion as long as she was not criticizing his work.

“Since when do you operate in Go City?” the teal-colored scientist asked.

“Since those government project heads tripped about the ‘do. I mean, seriously, they wanted to clip the lion’s mane, seriously,” Ed answered.

“Seriously,” Felix mimicked Ed rather well, earning some giggles from Kim and Vivian.

“Hey, seriously, Wheels—” Ed was about to tell the young man off for making fun of him, but Shego stepped in because she had enough.

“Ah, stop saying ‘seriously’! Just go do the fucking job,” the pale woman commanded in pure frustration. How could he use the same word in every sentence? It was so annoying. The word was losing all meaning.

“Shego, no need to shout,” Drakken commented.

“Whoa, cuz, you know this babe, seriously?” the blonde mechanic asked since his cousin just addressed “the green babe.”

“This is my girlfriend,” Drakken replied.

“Seriously?” Ed hollered while looking rather shocked and impressed. “She’s, like, totally hot, seriously.”

“AH!” Shego snarled and ignited her hands with the full intent on frying Ed so badly that he would never be able to abuse the language ever again. It would be a service to mankind in her opinion; Kim and Felix were inclined to agree, seriously.

“That’s so cool,” Felix muttered when the plasma flowed from the green-skinned woman’s hands.

“Shego, maybe you should go back to your desk. Better still, take the trio that isn’t working your nerves down to the lab,” Doctor Director suggested, even though she would not mind seeing her friend critically injure Ed. The problem was that they needed him alive and well at the moment, so she had to get her employee to stop.

The raven-haired female growled, but she did as she was ordered to do. She powered down her hands and motioned for the questionable trio to follow her; they were questionable for the simple fact that no one really believed that they could fix a cup of coffee, so it was a farfetched idea that they would be able to fix the lab equipment. Vivian, Felix, and Kim followed the irked woman to where they needed to be. They entered the elevator and went downstairs to the lab, which was empty. No one was there because almost nothing worked.

“Here you go. Knock yourselves out,” Shego said in a gruff tone.

“Okay, let’s get started,” Vivian declared with an enthusiastic grin. They had been given a long list of things to inspect and repair, so they did want to get started as soon as possible. But, they also enjoyed taking things apart and putting them back together again.

“Princess,” Shego said.

“Yeah?” Kim inquired.

“Do you all really know what you’re doing?” the emerald-eyed woman inquired.

The officer meant all of them too because Vivian did not seem to be all there, looking more like a call girl than a doctor of any kind of science. Kim was a biologist, a herpetologist to more precise, which had very little, if anything, to do with repairing lab equipment. And Felix, well, as far as she knew he just worked at an amusement park and liked ogling girls’ butts. Nothing about the team said they were qualified to even drive a car, so handling lab equipment seemed quite ludicrous.

“Hey, I can do anything,” Kim replied with a grin.

“Don’t worry about it, Miss Kim’s mistress,” Felix remarked with a cheeky grin.

“You’ve been dying to say that, haven’t you?” the redhead asked with a deadpan expression on her face.

“You know I have,” he replied with an adorable smile.

“You just proudly tell anybody willing to listen that you’re a pet, huh?” Shego inquired, speaking to her girl of course.

“No, just my closest friends,” Kim replied.

“Well, I’ll leave it to you three. Try not to kill yourselves down here. We don’t need this place becoming involved in an investigation because then we’d have to deal with people looking to fire most of us,” Shego commented dryly.

“Yes, ma’am.” Kim saluted to be cute and it worked. Her mistress actually rubbed the top of her head for a second before remembering that they were both on the clock.

Ed and Drakken decided to do some catching up while Ed was supposed to be working; he was working, just not very hard. Drakken stood off to the side while Ed inspected the engine of a car. They had no idea that the other was in Go City; they supposed that it was a bit funny. The blonde was stuck on the fact that his little cousin was dating an exceptionally hot chick.

“Seriously, dude, she must be a sweet bang,” Ed commented; he was talking about Shego.

“Sweet bang?” Drakken echoed in a very perplexed tone.

“I’m mean, just straight freaky, seriously.”


“Seriously, she’s probably flexible as hell,” Ed stated.

“Not really,” the sky-colored male replied. He did not know that he and his cousin were thinking of two different types of flexibility.

“Whoa, I bet she looks good on her knees. I mean, that ass was just fucking sweet, seriously,” the blonde continued, hardly paying his bemused relative any mind. He had a very perverted image racing through his mind at the moment to go along with his remark.

“On her knees?”

“Yeah, seriously, kneeling. I know that chick has got to be hot with her sweet ass in the air.”

“In the air?” The blue scientist was very bemused by his cousin’s words. He had no clue what the barrel-chested blonde was going on about.

“I would ride the shit out of her, seriously. Just have her eating the fucking pillow all night long. Up against the wall and shit like that. I know you must hit that every night, seriously,” the mechanical engineer replied.

“Eddie, just what are you saying?” Drakken asked, even though he was getting a vague idea that his cousin was being profane and saying some vulgar things.

“Seriously, dude, I know you fuck her hard,” Ed answered as plain as he possibly could. He was actually stating what he would like to do, but he did not think that it would be right to come right out and say that to his cousin since he was talking about the guy’s girlfriend and all.

The cerulean inventor appeared quite taken back by his cousin’s words. He realized that his cousin was sexually attracted to his girlfriend and was speaking on how intercourse with her would be. He knew that Ed was crude and he more than likely should have expected such language from the mechanic, but he had not been prepared for his cousin to be attracted to his girlfriend.

Plenty of people seemed to be taking an interest in his girl, Drakken quietly noted. He might have to do something or he could possibly end up losing her, he considered. After all, she had appeared rather taken by that Junior fellow, he recalled. What if she took an interest in Eddie? He did not even want to think about that one.

Next time: you are all going to be very pissed off. Simple as that and I mean, very. All I ask is that you let me write a will before you kill me.

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