I figure meeting my mistress’ family might clear up a few things for me. I should take a lot away from this, provided I live through it. Shego has been ferociously harping on me like this is so the drama. What if it is so the drama?
Kim had just been introduced to her mistress’ brothers, Hector, Michael, Walter, and Wallace, or Wally to be short about things with the twins. Shego also declared that Kim was her pet now and the pair was awaiting a reaction from all of the fellows that had just arrived. Everybody looked confused and seemed to be waiting for Shego to explain herself. The funny thing was that the officer had no plan on elaborating on Kim being her pet because that was her business and no else’s.
“That is kinky,” Walter commented with a smile.
“And cool,” Wallace added with a smile of his own.
“Did I mention kinky?” Walter asked.
“Could we hold the leash?” Wallace requested from their sister with lecherous hope in his voice and in his eyes.
“No, you freaks,” Shego answered.
“Selfish,” the twins grumbled.
“Shego, unhand that girl,” Hego demanded.
“Yeah, I’ll do that right after I get around to doing all that other shit you wanted me to do since I was born,” the sister replied while rolling her emerald eyes.
“Dad, make her let go of that girl,” Hego requested. He actually still managed to sound macho while saying such words.
Kim could not believe her ears; a grown man had just invoked his father to get his younger sister to release her pet. She had to look at Shego because of the ridiculousness of the request. She hoped that her mistress would explain the blue-eyed man’s summoning. Shego only waved her pet off as her father stepped forward; there just was not enough time in life to put her elder brother to plain words that everyone could understand.
Where Shego was like a clone of her mother, Hego was definitely his father’s son. Their father was a large, barrel-chested man like Hego. He had deep indigo eyes, like his eldest son. They even had the same haircut; it was just disgusting in Shego’s opinion. He was dressed in a dark blue suit that Shego bet her mother paid for, and she was willing to bet that she would call her father on that at some point during the agonizing weekend that they had ahead of them. Before he could open his mouth to say something, Isabel stepped in.
“Jason, you’ve only been in here for thirty seconds. Put your things away before you attempt to raise your blood pressure,” Isabel commented.
Isabel took her husband by the arm before he had a chance to protest and she led him to the stairs. The couple disappeared to the lower level of the house, leaving the siblings with each other. Isabel did call up in a fairly absent tone, “Try to get along just a minute.”
The siblings all stared at each other. A minute of them getting along? The last time that they were alone together it took about ten seconds before an all out war began and it was every man for himself, except for in the twins case. None of them could even recall what started the battle, but they knew that their mother had put an end to it about ten minutes in. Clothes had been ripped, bruises had formed, and they had been grown at the time.
Shego decided to not even try to bother with her brothers for a minute. She yanked on her pet’s leash, so they could continue on their way outside. Unfortunately, Hego was not done imposing his self-righteous will over everyone. He stood in his sister’s path to prevent her from leaving.
The green-skinned woman frowned and growled at the same time. She told herself to try her best not to slap her elder brother since their mother said that they should get along for a minute. Besides, if she made him bleed with their mother being in “mom” mode, she would be in so much trouble. Being in trouble with her mother was not a safe place to be, especially now that her children were older.
“Hego, move your ass,” Shego ordered.
“Let that girl go,” Hego commanded.
“What makes you think I’m going to do that?” she asked. She wondered what went on his mind, if he had a mind anyway. With the way that he acted a great deal of the time, she was almost certain that he was the only multi-celled, vertebrate organism with no manner of brain whatsoever.
“You know what you’re doing is wrong,” the blue-eyed male declared.
“Goes to show how much you know,” she retorted. She did not see anything wrong with what she was doing. It was not like her pet had any objections to what they were doing. She was not forcing Kim to do something that she did not want to do and she was not keeping the girl prisoner.
“Hego, why don’t you just get out of her damn business,” the purple-hued brother suggested.
“Stay out of this, Mego. I don’t need your help,” Shego huffed. She hated when he tried to add his two-cents to a private argument. It was things like that that made an argument turn into a fight.
“Fine, screw the both of you,” Michael, also known as Mego, replied. He walked away from the group; he did not want to with them anyway. He had better things to do.
“Now, Hego, move your ass,” Shego commanded again.
“Let the girl go. You can’t keep a girl on a leash like that,” the eldest sibling argued.
“I’m doing it right now. It’s none of your damn business.”
“I’m not letting you leave until you let her go.”
“Are we not going for a walk then?” Kim asked her mistress. She did not see how the raven-haired woman was going to move such a large man without having to hurt him.
“We are,” Shego assured her girl. She was definitely taking her pet outside for some fresh air, to get away from her brothers, and hopefully her pet would burn off some energy to avoid bouncing off of the walls later that night. “We’re going, even if I have to kick Hego in the crotch to make him move.”
Kim grimaced for Hego at the proposal of being kicked in the crotch, especially by her very strong mistress. She would never think to kick her brothers in the crotch, no matter how bothersome they became. She wondered if her owner was serious about the assault.
“You wouldn’t—!” Hego was cut off by a resounding kick directly to the scrotum. All of the brothers winced as their eldest brother collapsed to the floor from the attack against him. He groaned like wounded buffalo.
“Ouch,” Kim muttered. Her master was vicious.
“Come on, Pumpkin,” Shego said while tugging on her pet’s leash again.
“Bye, guys,” Kim bid the brothers farewell.
“Don’t talk to them,” Shego commanded her cheerful girl while pulling her pet out of the door.
“Why does Hego even bother?” Walter asked Wallace while staring down at their floored eldest sibling. They did not look very concerned for him, even though the oldest did not appear all right; he was looking bluer than usual.
“No clue. Sis’ pet was hot,” Wallace replied, showing where his mind was. The pair walked off into the house, leaving their big brother on the floor in dire agony and tears in his eyes.
“Hot as hell,” Walter concurred.
“You’d think we could play with her?” Wallace suggested in a sly tone with an equally cunning smile on his face.
“We could and she won’t have to know,” Walter answered with his own cheeky grin.
Shego let Kim off of her leash after the girl choked herself over a dozen times in about ten minutes, forgetting that she was tied to her mistress. Once the leash was off, Kim was off exploring, which was what Shego wanted her to do anyway. The elder woman almost laughed while watching her pet scale a tree after spotting a frog of some kind. Kim reached the branch and went for the amphibian, but it got away.
“Aw, man,” Kim pouted.
“What’s wrong?” Shego asked when she noticed her pet’s expression. She thought that her petite monster was having such a good time.
“I lost it.”
“You lost it?”
“My frog,” Kim explained.
“What’s with you and the woods?” the pale woman inquired. She looked around the forest and failed to see the appeal of the place. It was dirty with wild animals that seemed to think that they could waltz into houses whenever the urge over took them. Besides, there was not a corner store within miles of the whole area, making a midnight craving pure torture.
“I don’t know. I never really realized how much I like the wilderness until I just came out here. I thought it was just something I tolerated because of how I spend my free time, but I can see that it’s more than that. It’s nice to just appreciate the woods without having to worry about someone shooting at me or without having to find some mythological giant beast that’s eating everything in sight. It’s a great thing,” Kim replied with a content sigh.
The redhead felt at peace just being able to be in the forest without having to worry about anything. She was glad that her mistress brought her along. She rested on the tree branch for a moment before swinging on the limb and hanging by her legs, never mind the fact that she was about twenty five feet off of the ground.
“Be careful up there. If you fall, I’m not catching you,” Shego informed her hyper brat.
The hero smiled a bit. “I’m all right. Hey, Shego?”
“What’s up with your family nicknames? Hego, Shego, and Mego. What’s up with that?” the girl asked curiously.
“My father did it. He’s not a very creative man, I guess. He probably got hit in the head too many times playing football.”
“He played football?”
“All the way to college. Injured something, though, and that ended that. I don’t remember what and really don’t care.”
“Yeah, don’t ask me what position he played. I don’t know and I don’t care,” Shego stated.
“All right. How’d he come up those nicknames, though?” the younger woman inquired. They were odd nicknames in her opinion.
“We all used to live in Go City and my stupid older brother always wanted to be a superhero or some such bullshit. He probably read too many comic books or something. My dad, being a dumb-ass that likes to encourage his favorite dumb-ass son, goes ‘you can’t be a hero without a cool name.’ My mother liked to argue that he’s already named after a hero, but nobody listened to her because she has a working brain, I guess. They actually thought on this shit for weeks. Until Dad had a eureka moment coming up with ‘Hego,’ declaring that a hero needs to be named after his city,” Shego explained.
“Really? But, what about Superman? Batman? The Flash? The Fantastic Four? None of them are named after their cities. In fact, I don’t think there is a hero, fictional or otherwise, that is named after a city,” Kim pointed out. Heroes had cities named after them, not the other way around.
“See, you’re actually using your brain on this. It’s a luxury that my dad and brother don’t have.”
“Okay, so how in the heck did he come up with Hego? He combined Hector’s name with Go City? Combined the word ‘hero’ with Go City?” Kim asked in a puzzled tone while scratching her chin, all the while still hanging from a tree branch.
“I don’t really know. I’m leaning toward believing he combined Hector with Go City, but one can’t be sure with that man,” the pale woman remarked.
“So, how’d he come up with Shego?”
Shego frowned; she never told anyone how that came up. She even hated that she still went by that name, but she did not have better options in her opinion. She would be damned if she let anyone call her by the pet name her mother had for her and there was no way that she would go by her real name.
“When I started hanging out with my dad, he decided I need a ‘cool’ nickname too. He acted like I was Hego’s sidekick, so he dubbed me Shego. When Michael came along, he made him Mego and the twins became Wego,” she informed her pet.
“You guys aren’t looking to give the twins a hint of individuality, huh?” the redhead remarked with a smile.
“They act like one person, they’ll get treated like one person,” the emerald-eyed woman replied.
“Do you all have powers?”
“Me and my brothers.”
“How’d that happen?”
“You’re asking too many questions again,” Shego replied in a bit of a dull tone. Her girl was so annoying with all of her curiosity and everything.
“Why do I get a question limit? You never tell me anything!” Kim whined. She knew that she was lying, but it was such fun to throw a tantrum.
“I don’t tell you anything because you’re just a fucking pet. You shouldn’t care and you don’t need to know. Your major concern should be if I’m going to feed you tonight and if you have a warm bed to sleep in.”
“Fine,” Kim sighed. “Are we going to keep walking?”
“If you ever get out of the damn tree,” her mistress replied.
Shego and Kim returned to the villa to smell of dinner. They got cleaned up and then went to the kitchen to where all of the food was decked out; Isabel did not fix plates for anyone, even when she was in full “mom” mode. She always pointed out that they all were blessed with hands just like she was and they needed to put their hands to good use. Shego fixed a plate for her pet, much to her family’s shock. They had never seen Shego do something for someone else like that.
Once Shego made her own plate, she pulled her little monster out of the kitchen. Shego was going to retreat to her room, which was her habit when she was with her family. Her mother stopped her, though; damn it, she seriously hated when the woman wanted to be a mother.
“We’re all eating down here, dear. You know, to be together,” Isabel informed her daughter with a disturbingly pleasant smile. Shego reminded herself that matricide was wrong, unless Orestes (1) happened to do it anyway.
“Spanking!” Kim grinned. It was not quite as wrong to kill a pet, though, Shego told herself, especially if the pet was a tiny monster.
“Shut up,” the green-skinned woman ordered her happy little brat.
Kim continued to smile despite the harsh words and the fact that she could tell that her mood was tap dancing on her master’s last nerve. She was just so joyful to not only be interacting with her mistress’ family, but to be out in the woods and exploring with her owner. She just liked being Shego and learning more about her.
Shego retreated to the kitchen and sat at the counter that separated it from the dining room, which was where Hego was. Hego was sitting at the table with the twins. Kim sat down with her keeper. Suddenly, Walter and Wallace were at the counter and in front of the redheaded female.
“What do you two bozos want?” Shego inquired.
“Can we pet…” Walter started.
“…Your pet?” Wallace finished the request. They were both grinning up a storm, like they were having all sorts of wild fantasies already and they had only just met Kim.
“No, you freaks,” their sister answered.
“Selfish,” the twins grumbled.
“Get away from here. She’s not interested in you two losers anyway,” Shego told her baby brothers.
“We’re not losers,” Walter argued.
“We’re wicked cool,” Wallace declared.
“You’re annoying as hell. Get the hell away from us or else,” the sister ordered and growled. She held up a hand and the threat would have frightened many people, but the twins were not among them. They had been dealing with their big sister for much too long and they knew what would be tolerated while their mother was in “mom” mode, so there was not much to fear.
“Totally selfish,” Walter commented while Wallace brazenly turned his complete attention to his sister’s decidedly hot pet.
“Our room is downstairs to the left. I’m the one of the bottom bunk,” Wallace informed her and he managed to say that with a straight face and an audacious smirk, which actually impressed Kim. Any guy that had that much confidence to where he could smile while admitting to sleeping on a bunk bed and he was about her age got a check plus in her book.
“Hey, what about me!” Walter objected. He and his twin were a team after all; they were a package deal.
“What about the both of you getting the hell away from us,” Shego demanded with a snarl. She punched the counter in a huff and broke the edge of it.
“Mom!” the twins howled. “Shego broke the counter.”
“Shego,” Isabel scolded her daughter.
“Damn it, Mom, what about Wally?” Shego asked. She would not have hit the damn counter if the twins would have just left her alone. They were the reason that she would rather eat in her room anyway; well, they were two of the five reasons that she could rather eat in her room.
“Yes, you little Wegos, leave your sister and her pet alone. If you want a girl so badly, you should go out and get one, just like your sister did,” Isabel commented. Hego and his father could not believe how casual she sounded about something so immoral, decadent, depraved and disgusting.
“But, she’s got a perfectly good one sitting right here,” Walter pointed out. Why go out and search for a. exceptionally hot girl when one was right in front of them and she was wearing a collar? It would be stupid and wasteful in their opinion.
“One that’s she’s not using,” Wallace added.
“How do you know that?” Isabel countered. The twins scoffed at the very idea.
“Because she’s straight,” the twins answered. It was not like they did not know a little something about their sister. It was necessary to know something about the person that they felt they were placed on the planet to bother. Besides, they felt that if they irked a person long enough, they had to learn something about her.
“Obviously not,” Mego interjected into the conversation. He could care less about how strange the discussion was; he just wanted to add some of his own input.
“Hey, stay out of this. Nobody was talking to you,” Shego barked at the lilac-colored young man.
“Which is the problem,” Mego argued with an attitude that seemed to be permanently engraved into his being. They all remembered when he was little, he did not even like to share his birthday cake because he would argue that it was his and his alone.
Kim watched as the twins hitting on her evolved into an argument that involved the whole family. Shouts of “idiot,” “bastard,” “selfish,” “harlot,” “dumb-ass,” and a trillion other and worse things polluted the air. It seemed fine since no one had thrown a punch yet. She was not too sure if no punches would be thrown considering that Shego had crotch-checked her big brother earlier.
The siblings eventually just started getting on each other with name-calling. They then started talking about each other’s powers and making fun those, which was how Kim learned what they all did. And then, suddenly, the brothers combined forces for just a moment to go right at Shego and she snapped back with a bite force that a crocodile would have envied.
“At least I’ve grown up and I’m not trying to live in a fucking fantasy world protected by a failure of a father,” Shego proclaimed and everyone was silent, dumbstruck it would seem. Kim expected to hear crickets chirping because of the unforeseen lack of noise.
“Shego—” Jason, her father, started to say, but she did not even want to hear it.
“Shut up, Dad, because you’re only going to defend your fellow fuck-ups,” the daughter commented.
“Firefly,” Isabel said since Jason had just been shut down with one sentence.
“Mommy, stop calling me that. Come on, Princess, we’re getting out of here,” Shego declared.
“But, I haven’t even finished eating,” Kim protested, but her mistress was already going to the door. The female redhead trotted off behind her master like a good pet would. She noted that they had not collected their things from the house, so they were probably going to return.
The pair returned to the villa rather late; everyone else had already retired to their rooms. Shego went and took a shower. Kim then took a shower and they both retired to Shego’s room. Kim yawned; she had run her energy straight into the ground after spending the day hopping around the woods like a child on a sugar high, which was just what her owner wanted. The girl was about to climb into bed, which there were two of. Shego had made it clear that she better stay in her own bed or she would wake on the floor, the living room floor; she would not put it passed her master to do such a thing with the mood that the woman had been in all day. They were halted from going to sleep as the sounds of a new argument reached their ears.
“Jason, you’re acting like an ass,” Isabel said as she and her husband entered the living room. They assumed that everyone was sleeping and they did not want to wake their offspring.
“I’m being an ass? Our daughter is tugging around a girl on a leash and I’m being an ass?” Jason asked incredulously. He could not believe that she would say such a thing. Their daughter had a girl that was probably younger than their twins on a leash for crying out loud! She was the one that was being the…the…the unreasonable one.
“Yes, you’re being an ass. Our daughter is a grown woman as is her pet. Their relationship is between consenting adults and it is non-sexual. And even if it was sexual, it is none of your damn business,” Isabel pointed out.
“It just is.”
“This is your argument? ‘It just is’?” she asked in disbelief.
“The girl has a girl on a leash and a collar around the girl’s neck. It explains itself as to why it is disgusting,” he pointed out.
“It’s none of your damn business,” she repeated. No matter what he thought it was, it still was not his business.
“It’s very much my business. What if this gets out? Nobody would ever vote for me again.”
“Dearest, nobody votes for you anyway,” she commented casually. She actually sounded amused, but caring at the same time.
“Look, I may run for the Senate someday,” he argued.
“And you’d lose, sweetheart. Dearest, the only reason you’re in Congress now is because of the small stint of being heroes you talked our children into years ago. Be thankful you made it to where you are now. Nobody gives a damn about what Shego does with her life and even if they did, she keeps her affairs very personal. It would a bit hard for them to know that she had a girl as a pet. So, don’t say anything at all to her tomorrow about her pet and you definitely leave that girl alone,” Isabel ordered her husband and there was a threatening tone to her voice.
“Why the hell couldn’t you just raise her to be normal?” Jason huffed.
Shego knew just where the argument was heading once that question came up. She sighed; she was going to have to deal with their crap for the whole weekend. She would have preferred to stay home and groom her pet. And thinking about her pet, she was going to have to keep those lecherous, little Wegos away from the girl; although, she doubted that her brat was interested in Wally.
The officer decided to just get some sleep. She did not want to think about her brothers or her father or anything. Besides, it was not like tomorrow was going to be any less aggravating.
(1) Orestes is the son of the Greek king Agamemnon and he kills his mother, Clytemnestra, because she killed his father. At first, it looks like he’s in some trouble for having the nerve to kill his mother, but thanks to a goddess, he makes it out okay. The Orestien Trilogy is worth checking out for the whole story.
Next time: There can’t be a dysfunctional family reunion without a fight, granted they won’t be fighting each other. Then who will they be fighting?