Okay, I will admit that I’m damn sexy. I know I am, but what is the deal with below average idiots taking a liking to me? My sexiness has not been working to my advantage as far as I can tell and right now, it’s really screwing me over.
Shego was lounging at her desk at work; she would kill for an assignment, especially after the job that the whole department had a few days ago. She was trying to wipe away the memories of guarding a bunch of stiff-shirts and their brats at an amusement park. It was like they were being treated like cheap bodyguards. It was not even like they were given extra pay for that task, even though it had nothing to do with their division of the police department.
What made that day and assignment worse was that she had agreed to baby-sit some grown brat after he tried to murder a robot, which did not seem to want to die by the hands of a well-groomed gorilla. She also had to put up with watching her pet pine over that kid in the wheelchair; although she had to admit that the almond-haired boy seemed much more interested in her pet’s fashion conscious friend and her ass. It was still irksome for some reason.
Well, at least that day was behind her, Shego thought. She was thankful for that, but the day that she was in was not looking up. She did not have anything to do and she had not had anything to do for a while. When did the people in Go City start becoming sane and slightly well-adjusted? She had not had a good rumble around the city in ages, it seemed anyway; it could have just been that she was impatient and bored out of her mind. Where were all of the super whackos? The ninjas with a trillion weapons and poisons? The crazy scientists and their escaped projects? The everybody-that-used-to-make-it-interesting-to-go-outside-at-night; just where in the hell were they? She considered that they might have caught all of the people that made her job fun and worth getting out of bed in the morning.
The pale woman decided to past the time with wondering what she should make for dinner that night. Her pet would like some pasta of course, so she figured that maybe she could make some ziti. She could suffer through some very cheesy ziti. It sounded very doable in her mind and then she was distracted by a horrible noise; well, in her opinion it was a horrible noise. It was that Spanish accent that she was trying to erase from her memory completely.
“Hey, there, beautiful,” Junior said as he approached Shego’s desk. Oh, how she desired to run for it, but it was too late since he had already zeroed in on her.
“What the hell are you doing here?” she demanded to know.
“I came here to see you,” he replied, his eyes sparkling like deep, water-like sapphires. He had a charming smile on his handsome, tanned visage, which she bet he used to pick up plenty of air-headed girls; well, she would not be one of those girls.
“Well, you saw me. Bye now,” she remarked.
Junior laughed lightly, as if she had just told him a joke that she missed. “No, no, no. You misunderstand me,” he said.
The green-hued woman doubted that she misunderstood him. Maybe he did not understand, she considered. There was a chance that English was not his first language or that he just was not very smart. She could work passed the former reason if that was the case because pain overrode every language barrier there was. The latter part, though, she found that there was no cure for stupidity unfortunately. She hoped that she did not have to deal with him for much longer because he was getting on her nerves just by being alive and breathing her air.
“You see, I have come here to see you and shower you with gifts,” Junior declared he produced a huge bouquet from behind his massive back.
Shego frowned as the young man littered her desk with the dying floral arrangement. The nerve of the muscular bastard to clutter her space, she thought heatedly with a huff. He continued to smile, obviously believing that he had done something extraordinary, maybe even worthy of praise. The officer wondered what she had done in life that was so wrong that every five minutes of her life had to be filled with idiocy.
“Aren’t they just lovely? I know you just love them,” Junior commented while looking at the stunning bouquet that he had brought.
“Love isn’t exactly the word I’d use to describe how I feel about anything right now,” Shego remarked, her frown remaining in tact. Love would probably be the last word that she would use for her feelings toward anything that was happening right now.
“So, what’s say you have dinner with me? We can be two very beautiful people out on the town,” he proposed confidently.
The green-skinned female got the feeling that Junior was not a guy used to being denied or accustomed to hearing the word “no.” If he stuck around her any longer, though, he was going to hear that and a lot of other words he probably was not accustomed to. Many of them would be described as “colorful” and “vulgar” and she would not stop until he ran off and knew to leave her alone.
“How about you take yourself out right now,” she suggested.
“Ah, you are playing the hard to get card,” he said, still smiling.
“No, I’m not playing,” she assured him, but he did not seem to be buying that. He seemed to think too highly of himself to take her brush off seriously.
“Come on, pretty lady. I can buy you many fabulous things,” he proclaimed.
“If I wanted a pimp, I’d go work on the corner somewhere. What’s it going to take for you to get the hint? Am I going to have to beat you over the head with a club? Because if that is the case, I’ll yank the leg right off of my chair and get to work,” she commented while pointing her thumb down to the seat that she was in. She figured beating him in the head with her chair leg would at least alleviate her boredom by giving her something enjoyable to do.
Junior only laughed at the remark, letting her know that she had just made the acquaintance yet another moron. She was starting to believe that she was a magnet for all of the world’s dolts, idiots, and all round stupid people. It would explain a lot, she figured. She was about to get rid of him by just blatantly telling him to fuck off, but Betty came over with Senor Senior Senior.
“Ah, Shego, I see you’ve already met Senor Senior Junior,” Doctor Director said.
“Unfortunately,” her employee muttered.
“You are the officer that saved my son’s life the other day,” Senor Senior noted. Had Shego known that she was going to be punished with his presence for her actions, well to be perfectly honest, she would have merrily allowed that robot to wring his thick neck. She doubted that she should say that out loud with her boss standing right there, though.
“Yes, this is Sergeant Shego. She’s one of our top agents,” Doctor Director informed the elder Senior. Shego recognized a sells pitch when she heard one, especially since she had been upgraded from an “officer” to an “agent” and her rank had been brought up. She knew that she had to be somewhat nice to Junior now; the day was just shot to hell.
“Oh, that is good to hear,” the elderly man commented.
“So, let me finish showing you around,” the one-eyed woman said to Senor Senior.
“Please,” he repeated and they walked off, and much to Shego’s dismay, they did not take Junior with them.
The muscular young man continued to smile at the pale woman. She just wanted to bang her head against the desk to save herself that the agony. Why was she made to suffer, she silently lamented. Why!
Drakken stepped off of the elevator and his eyes immediately fell upon Shego. He noticed the flowers on her desk like a colorful arrangement of daggers in his onyx eye. He then took notice of the young man that was smiling down at her with his perfect teeth that seemed to glimmer in the light like polished ivory.
A new emotion washed over the sky-colored scientist and he did not know what it was. He just knew that it involved anger toward the tan male trying to make moves on his girlfriend. Drakken marched over to the pair.
“Shego, what’s going on?” the blue inventor demanded to know with fury in his voice. His ebony rimmed eyes danced with fury.
“Who is this?” Junior inquired as if the new male’s presence annoyed him and if that was the case, he and Shego had something in common after all.
“I’m her boyfriend,” Drakken declared.
“You look old enough to be her father,” Junior noted. He did not seem to believe that the inventor was his savior’s significant other and that much was clear from the expression of sheer disbelief on his face.
“It doesn’t matter what I look like. She’s my girlfriend,” the scientist stated.
“But, you are so…blue. You don’t even have a tan,” the young man pointed out. He could not understand how a man so old without a decent tan could possibly have such a beautiful creature as a girlfriend. He was not alone in that misunderstanding.
“So what?” the cerulean man huffed.
Shego could not help wondering where the rich boy was going with his logic. What did a tan have to do with anything? Junior would get around to explaining how his mind worked and why a tan was important.
“If you don’t have a tan, you cannot hope to compete with me. I mean, look at you. You’re short, blue, and you have a horrendous scar under your eye. I bet your beach house is puny too,” Junior argued.
“My beach house?” the inventor echoed in a bemused tone. It seemed like Junior was all over the place with the argument.
“So, you can’t be her boyfriend. She needs a better man than you in her life,” the muscular young man proclaimed.
“He’s got a point there,” Shego muttered in agreement. She noticed Doctor Director returning to her office, so she decided to make her escape. “You clowns have fun with each other,” the green-skinned female suggested while getting up and walking away from the insane scene.
“Shego!” Drakken bellowed.
The pale woman did not respond in any manner; she did not even turn her head around to look at him. She continued on her way until she was in the chief’s door and safely in her office. Betty cast a glance at her employee while Shego busied herself by locking the door behind her.
“Mind sharing with me why the hell you’re locking us in?” Betty inquired curiously. She was used to her friend being weird, but at the moment, she was going above and beyond her usual strangeness.
“Is there a ‘hump me’ sign on my back?” Shego asked.
“I hope that’s not an invitation,” the boss remarked. “I also hope that’s not the answer to my question.”
“Ha, ha,” the younger female said dryly.
“Drakken and Junior.”
“I see. I hope they don’t try to whip them out and see whose is bigger. We do still have a bit of decency around the office,” Doctor Director commented.
“Do we? I haven’t noticed. Anyway, what the fuck are the Seniors doing here?” Shego demanded to know. She thought that she had been rid of them after that day at the park, but no, now she had to deal with them at work too. Life was cruel.
“Oh, this is thanks to you. Because you saved his son, Senor Senior wishes to donate some money to our rundown little budget. How wonderful is that? We could actually put water in the water cooler.”
“Damn, when was the last time we had water in that thing?” the pale woman inquired. The water cooler in the department was like a piece of decoration and it was being used only to cover a hole in the wall.
“A long time ago. It might have been before you even joined up. Think about it. We could buy all new stuff, new equipment.”
“Is this is all right? I mean, can we even do this?” Shego asked since they were city employees. She did not know if they were able to accept money from a private fund.
“It’s not like he’ll be signing our checks or anything like that. It’s a just donation to our needy organization. Let’s face it, we need new shit and we need money to buy it. Money that we don’t have. We can’t even put new recruits out into the street because they’re not properly equipped to deal with anything that we’re supposed to handle. He’s going to get us top of the line products. What we’re going to do is have a meeting with the mayor and the police commissioner to make sure everything is legit and good to go. Wait,” Betty just had a realization. “Junior likes you?”
Shego noticed the look in her friend’s eye, like a light bulb had gone off in the older woman’s head. She could guess the bad idea that was running through her boss’ mind. There was just no way.
“No, no, no. No! Seriously, stop thinking that!” the pale woman commanded her scheming chief.
“Come on, Shego. Take one for the team,” Doctor Director implored.
“Fuck the team,” Shego replied bluntly. “I don’t see them diving in front of bullets for me.” She was far from a team player, but she certainly would not do what her boss was thinking even if she was a team player.
“Come on, think of the water.”
“Screw the water.”
“Think of the coffee,” Betty commented. They would actually be able to have coffee everyday and not just in the brief times that the public found them useful. She could not recall the last time that they had coffee everyday for more than a week.
“Screw the coffee.”
“Think of the ultimatum.”
“Play along with this or get suspended?” Shego guessed.
“Exactly,” Betty smirked. She knew that her friend never wanted to be suspended again. She was not sure what the younger woman had found out about herself that one time that she was suspended, but she seemed hell bent on it never happening again.
“You’re abusing your power,” the emerald-eyed female pointed out.
“You forced my hand,” the brown-haired woman argued in a nonchalant tone. Like she cared about abusing her power when it came to Shego anyway, her mind pointed out and Shego knew that.
“Have you spoken to Junior before?” the pale female inquired because she did not think that her boss understood what she was asking.
“Exactly. Don’t make me do this,” the officer implored Betty. If Doctor Director was truly her friend, then she would not ask her to do what she was asking, Shego thought.
“You don’t have to sleep with the guy, although as a friend, you might need it–”
“You’re pushing it,” the super-powered woman growled. Sometimes, she wanted to ask her supervisor when was the last time that she got laid, but no matter what the answer was, Shego was fairly certain that she did not want to know.
“Just a bit of friendly advice, nothing more. Look, just go have dinner with him or go dancing or something. Stroke his ego a bit and help make him feel a bit better about giving us money,” Betty proposed.
“Can you just shoot me in the head before hand?” Shego requested. Maybe she should take the suspension, a part of her suggested. A week at home could not possibly be as bad as a night on the town with Junior.
“No. Just be nice to the kid. I know you can do. I think I’ve seen you do it once or twice. Butter him up. In a few days, he and his father won’t even be in town anymore. So, you won’t have to even think about him ever again,” the boss pointed out.
“I want compensation for this shit,” Shego declared.
“What do you want?” Betty asked because she was making her employee doing something not in her job description and she figured that unless she wanted an extra-cranky Shego, it would be best to give into some of her demands.
“More vacation days.”
“Hell, no, because I want a whole lot more. I also want some slack if I come in late and I want my desk moved to the corner, away from people.”
“Done, as long as you don’t offend the kid and cost us everything.”
“Nice being fucked in the ass by you,” Shego remarked.
“It was a pleasure,” Betty replied.
“But, I’m not going back out there yet,” the green-hued woman informed her supervisor.
Shego exited her boss’ office and looked around. She did not see Drakken; she suspected that he actually had to go do a job for once. Junior saw her before she saw him, which was why he saw her. She barely made it two feet from the door before he was blocking her path and smiling down at her with his confident expression.
“I was looking for you, beautiful. So, how about dinner?” he asked.
Shego would prefer to bite off her own tongue and bleed to death than answer, but instead, she replied. “I’d love to,” she stated through gritted teeth. If there was a Hell, she was going to it for that huge lie, she thought.
“That is great. I know a quaint little place.”
The “quaint little place” turned out to be one of the most elegant and expensive restaurants in Go City and there Shego was in her street clothes. She decided to not care since Junior was still in his mustard-colored muscle shirt and tight black pants. They were seated immediately after the sapphire-eyed young man just mentioned his name to the host. She ordered herself not to be impressed with his wealth, power, and influence. He was still a spoiled brat, she reminded herself.
Junior spent the whole dinner making Shego ponder if she should just slash her wrists with the butter knife. He went on and on about his private beach house, his wardrobe, and whatever else money could buy. He talked about how handsome he was and she would have agreed with him if he had not continued on forever and a day about it. Still, it was oddly better than having dinner with Drakken; probably because she had more than seafood to chose from on the menu.
Okay, maybe it was a bit more than the food. Junior had more to talk about and even though he ranted like Drakken did, he varied his subjects. He also complimented her, even though he did not let her get a word in. Drakken hardly ever complimented her.
“I know a great club or two that we could go to now,” Junior told Shego once they finished with dinner.
“Thanks, but no,” she replied in an almost snippy tone and then she remembered that she could not offend him. She really did not wish to spend anymore time with him, though. So, she added, “I need to get home and feed my dog.”
“Oh, you have a dog? I love dogs. I’d like to see yours,” he informed her.
Shego sighed; why could she not be rid of the superficial bimbo? Yes, she believed that a man could be a bimbo too. Junior was a classic case in her opinion.
“Maybe some other time. He’s been sick,” the pale woman said to avoid having to bring Junior to her house where he would not only see that she had lied about the dog, but he might even get it into his head that she was going to bed him. No, that was not in the cards.
“Oh, that’s sad. Sometime soon then I can see your dog? We have till the end of the week,” he pointed out.
“Sure, if he gets better.”
“Great,” Junior smiled.
Shego entered her apartment and resisted the urge to bang her head against the wall until she was unconscious. Instead, she breathed a sigh of relief that she was safe in the house and away from the morons of the world. She could not believe the day that she just had.
She waited for a moment, wondering why she had not been ambushed by her busybody elf. She went into the living room and found the typical answer as to why she had not been hugged. Kim was knocked out on the sofa.
“Hey,” Shego said and she shook her unconscious pet until she stirred.
“Huh?” Kim yawned, looking rather cute, her mistress noted.
“You’re on the couch and you’re still in your street clothes while being knocked cold. Go take a shower and go to bed,” the pale woman ordered.
“Was waiting for you,” the redhead explained in a sleepy voice; she was growing more adorable by the second to her owner.
“I’ll bet. Come on, it’s close to bedtime anyway,” Shego said while trying to ignore the thoughts in her head commenting on her endearing her impish monster was. They usually went to bed around eleven or midnight. It was close to eleven, so she could see why the girl might be tired, especially if the redhead had to do a mission or something that day.
“Is it?” Kim asked in a confused tone.
“Yeah. Did you eat dinner?”
“Yeah, there was some chicken in the fridge,” the redhead answered while rubbing her eye with her palm. She was not making it easy for Shego to stop thinking about how cute she was.
“Good. Now, go take a shower.”
“Uh-huh.” Kim climbed off of the sofa and staggered off toward the bathroom to do as she was told.
“Looks like she had a day just as hard as mine. Hopefully that’s the end of that, though,” Shego said to the air.
But, the universe, being in a very funny mood, would not let that be the end of things, much to Shego’s chagrin. The next day, she went to work and her desk was covered in flowers, teddy bears, and candy. She growled in annoyance. Damn it to hell and back, she would never again save a spoiled, rich brat with nice eyes and a great body, she silently vowed.
“Oh, this is a lot of stuff from Drakken,” DNAmy commented as she walked by Shego’s desk, which had yet to be moved into the corner as she requested because Betty had stated that the deal went into effect after she was certain that Shego had not insulted the young man in someway.
“It’s not from him,” the officer grumbled as she read one of the many cards on one of the five teddy bears. She would take the toys and candy because she was certain that her pet would like them, but the flowers were going to be ashes within the hour.
“Oh, from Junior?” the round woman noted as she read one of the cards on the flowers. Obviously, the thought of privacy was just that, a thought and not real because the pale woman did not recall giving DNAmy permission to read any of her cards.
“This is a problem in the making,” Shego bet.
It seemed like Junior was not going to go away until he had to do so. The emerald-eyed woman figured that she had better clear everything before Drakken saw and started making noise about everything; she did not want to have to deal with him. He seemed to be jealous of Junior; she did not know he even had it in him.
“Hey, there, pretty lady,” Junior greeted Shego as he came by her desk, as he had every single day that week.
She was glad that a couple of times that he had come by, she had been out on assignments. He had gotten into it with Drakken once when she was not there; she bet that was a confusing, but entertaining sight. She was not sorry that she missed it; she was sorry that they had not killed each other or at least seriously maimed each other. But then again, it would be rather difficult to hurt someone when having a fight between two men both doing the windmill move that was typically employed by girls that were ten-years-old or younger.
“Hey, Junior,” she replied, trying her best to sound civil and not sick to death of him. Oh, but she was sick of him. She would not be sad to hear that he was hit by a bus the second that he left the office. She knew that was harsh, but he was so annoying.
“I’m probably leaving tonight and you did promise me a chance to see your dog. Later this evening?” he proposed with a smile.
“Uh….sure,” Shego agreed hesitantly. Where the fuck was she going to get a dog from?
Next time: Yeah, you probably know where she’s going to get the dog from, but do you know what will happen with Junior in her house? What will Kim think of him? And what if Drakken comes by? It should make for an interesting evening.