I wake up in the barn, naked but warm. I look at the body where i am tightly pressed right now. Her face calm. I knew now what i am missing for the past 3 years. I need Zahn, i love Zahn…then i close my eyes as realization dawn on me.
I cannot be with Zahn. I have a husband, and i have Kimberly. Two important people in my life, and i cannot abandon them. I look intently in her face, then i leaned forward and place a kiss on her lips. I watch her move, then she opened her eyes and smiled at me.
“Nihao” she said then she planted a kiss on my lips. I smiled at her then sitted myself. I started gathering my clothes and started putting them on, “What are you doing?”
“I have to go back to the resort”
“But why?” She ask, her eyes now filled with sadness, “YOur husband told me that you should stay here, with me” She said her voice pleading.
BUt i did not mind her plead, “I can't, soryy but i have a daughter”
“Lets take her”
“No” I stand by what i say…What i might be feeling is great, but it is wrong…I am married, and no matter how Jonathan wants me to live happily with you, my conscience cannot take it, i thought.
“Please…I love you Mim, have you read the book? The one i gave you 3 years ago at the pier…Mim, please”
“The book doesn't have anything to do with this”
“No it doesn't” I finally said, then i stand up as soon as i finished dressing. Looking at the naked Zahn, still lying on the barn, i knelt down and press my lips on her lips, “I love you too Zahn” I feel that i need to say it, because i do.
I stand again and run outside the barn, “I love you Mim, please come back!” I heard her shout. I did not look back, tears flowing freely from my eyes. I have to leave her…i have to.
“She is quite heartless” Ron said nodding her head.
“Mim or Zahn?” Shego ask.
“MIm! How could she leave a pleading woman and naked?” Ron then scrunch his forehead, then he felt a hand on his head “Awww”
“Pervert!” Monique said, “should i continue?”
“I am quite curious about the book Zahn is mentioning?” Kim ask then look at Shego.
“I am sure that book and this one is not the same” Shego added and Kim nod in agreement.
“MAybe there is something in here that tells us about what is written in that book? “ MOnique.
The two woman nodded at Monique, the black beauty continued on reading.
Jonathan look at me, his eyes wide “I told Zahn that i want you to stay with her”
“She told me”
“And?” I know Jonathan just wants me to be happy, but a life without my daughter is still empty, “How is Kimberly?” I ask to change our topic.
“Sleeping, Our fligt back home is tonight” I look at Jonathan.
“You plan to go home without me?” It hurts to know that Jonathan did intend to leave me behind, and take Kimberly away from me.
“When you did not come back last night, i thought you have finally decided”
“I-” What could i say…I betrayed my husband, i made love with another person, a woman in fact…and i loved the feeling. Jonathan walk towards me and held me in embrace.
“I know, it must be hard on you”
“I am not leaving Kimberly”
I felt Jonathan nod. That night the three of us went back to America.
Monique stop reading and started flipping on the pages of the diary, “Well after the last i read, your Nana Mim's entry are all about how she raised Kimberly. You want me to read?” MOnique ask, then she stretch her legs.
“All of it?” Shego ask her forehead scrunching.
“Wait-” Monique started flipping the pages again, “Well, the entry dates are quite far apart-” She said as she keeps on reading.
“So she neglects her duty of writing in there?” Ron ask.
Kim look at ron and frown, “If you are not going to say anything intelligible, could you just make something for us to eat?” Kim then gave Ron an evil smile.
“Bitchy!” Monique teased, then she turned towards Ron, “PLease Hon? I am hungry too”
Ron sighed but he stand up and headed to the Kitchen.
“Find anything interesting monique?” Shego.
“Is it about the book?” Kim.
“No and No to answer your questions…there is an entry that is dated actually 10 years after Zahn and Mim separated”
“Read it!” Kim and Shego said simultaneously.
It has been 10 years, i haven't heard from Zahn, I am still with JOnathan. My Kimberly have grown to be a fine teenager. I thought in the 10 years that i've been separated with Zahn, being busy with my life, career, family…in would have forget about her. BUt i was wrong. After ten years theis is the first time i write of Zahn again, and how my feeling for her did not deminish, not even a little.
Last night, I bravely told Kimberly about my feelingsd for Zahn. Kimberly was curious as to why until now, she have no siblings and it seems me and Jonathan is okay with it, so i have no choice but to explain. Kimberly is a very intelligent girl, and i am glad she understand.
“Could i see her mama?” She ask me smiling.
“I want to see why Zahn captured my mama's heart?” I smiled at her then i embraced her.
Our talk was interrupted by the opening of Kimberly's door, and Jonathan make a peek, “Am i disturbing a mother-daughter bonding?”
“No not at all” I answered. Jonathan step in and Gave Kimberly a Kiss, “I was telling Kimberly about Zahn” I said, watching my husband's face.
Jonathan look at Kimberly smiling, “And what do you think about her?” He ask.
“I want to see her, i want to know how she captured Mama's heart?” my daughter answered with a smile.
“Well…” We both look at the man in front of us, “I could arrange the ticket for you two” he said.
“Your not coming?” I ask.
He sighed, then shook his head, “I'll be waiting here”
I saw Kimberly shift her gaze to me and Jonathan. I know what he means. I have Kimberly with me, and it is upto me if i wanted to comeback or not.
I packed light, and i told Kimberly to pack a bit heavier. Right now my heart is skipping, running fast. Last night i already decided…I will be with Zahn. It is time for the two of us to be happy…my daughter have accepted my relation with Zahn, and i have raised Kimberly well with Jonathan. I have to free Jonathan, he have to move on.
We arrive at Ningxia and stayed at a small hotel there. I started looking for the places i knew Zahn will be, i have Kimberly's help in finding the woman i loved for long.
Kimberly and I have talked about my plan. I told her that i decided to live my life with Zahn. Then we talk about how she is going to live her life. We decided that Kimberly will continue her study in America, she will be with her father on school months, and she will spend her vacation months with me and Zahn. I am happy that my dear Kimberly agreed. She like the idea.
A good news came one day…Someone knew where Zahn is.
“Blank pages followed that” Monique said.
“Blank?” Kim ask.
“YEs…but there are blotches here”
Kim's eyes widen when she saw Shego stand up and walk towards MOnique's back.
“Shego! Your curse-”
“My dad's dead already…i don't think there is more horrible things to come our way”
“Cool it Princess…Just don't look”
Shego leaned closer to Monique to look at the blotches in the blank page. “If you ask me, those must come from something salty…highly concentrated liquid drops”
Everyone started thinking.
Kim's eyes widens “Tears perhaps?”
The three woman look at each other, then nod.
Monique flip the pages until she found the next entry, “The next entry is not from your Nana” Kim look at monique quizically, “It's from your Nana Kimberly”
“Read it” Shego said as she returned to her sit.
My mother refuse to put anything on this book. Mama started drifting away from us after she learned what happened to Zahn.
We found Zahn in Ninxia. But not in a state we wanted to find her.
The man who said knew where Zahn shi Go is brought us to a private cemetery. There in one corner is Zahn's Tombstone.
My mother fell on her knees before the tombstone. It was the first time i saw Mama breaking, crying out loud. I couldn't bear to see her like that…and i couldn't bear to see her right now. My mother has turned into a living dead.
I knew now that my mother truly loves Zahn.
I brought mama back to the hotel where we stay, she has lost focus on anything, she would have wanted to stay in the cemetery with Zahn, but i have to force her to go.
Finally taking the courage, i look for the reason of Zahn's death, and i am lucky to find an answer.
I was brought to the house of a Ganglord in Ningxia, Zahn's personal maid was the one i was able to talk to.
The day my mother Left, she left a depressed Zahn shi. A woman who unlike before would fight for her right, for her life. It was then that The ganglord have spotted her, and started wanting her.
Zahn shi was abducted without any resistance, she was kept in the manor like a broken doll. He would do what he likes with her…to the point of raping Zahn. It hurts to hear that the woman my mother loved was reduced to this.
But time had passed…and the Ganglord had mellowed. He started seeing Zahn differently, finally falling in love with her despite her state of depression. Then the news came, Zahn is pregnant. He was delighted but Zahn still remained the same. Her eyes never meeting his when they made love. There were times that even when Zahn was pregnant, the lOrd will hit her…Zahn have kept on screaming my mother's name on bed. But the Lord have fallen in love and have swallowed everything.
A year ago when Zahn delivered a baby girl. But unluckily she bled to death. Her last word was my mother's name.
I kept this story within me…and this book.
The three woman fell silent. Zahn died with Mim in her heart.
Today marks the first year since we knew about Zahn's death.
And the first day of my Mother's death.
She did not recover from her depression,desppite me begging. I don't know if falling in love really hurts this much but i tried to understand my mother…as my father have understood her. We thought it is better this way, atleast both their souls are free now. Free to be together.
Like Zahn, my mother's last word were Zahn's name.
Monique flip through the pages again “There is no more entry”
“Fate sucks” Kim said, making the green skinned thief look her way, “You think Zahn and MIm is together now?”
Everyone shrugs their shoulder.
“HEy!” MOnique said taking the two woman's attention, “I think this book have a special pocket”
“What?” Kim And Shego ask. The two went to Monique to look at the book.
Kim closed the book and inspected it, “Yeah, there are dents in the back cover?”
“Let me see?” shego took the book and inspected it herself, “I think the little book we are looking is in here”
“How do you know?” Kim ask.
Shego ignited her hand to a light glow then she traced her hand on the cover. Kim's eye widens when a silhoutte of a little book can be seen. Grinning, Shego traced the book cover again with her unlightened finger, and when she found a dent, she stab it with her long hard nail and started ripping it.
A small black book is hidden on the cover.
Kim took it and opened the book to see hand writings of dates, person, things…all pointing to the Phoenix.
-end chapter 18-