Pets sometimes try to be helpful to their owners, as if they are trying to pay back all the kindness they receive. Sometimes, they do mess things up when they try to help and sometimes they do things just right.
Shego sighed as she went through her closet. Kim was sitting on her mistress’ bed with her legs folded underneath her. She had her head cocked to the side and her fire red hair was spilling over one shoulder. She had a curious look in her olive green eyes; see, her mistress was searching for an outfit to wear to meet her boyfriend’s mother.
The redhead wondered why her owner was going to meet the man’s mother when it was clear that she did not want to. Kim was ready to just be the irresponsible pet that she was and suggest that they go curl up on the sofa and watch Dodge Ball for the millionth time. She bet that would clear up Shego’s mood, but she decided against doing such a thing.
Kim did find herself wondering about her mistress’ family since she now knew that Drakken had a mother; to think someone actually expelled him from her womb, she silently amused herself. She had gathered that Shego did not care too much for her family. Shego never got phone calls from anyone that could have been family. Betty mostly called and then just random people called. Shego never called some place and requested to speak with her mother or father. She did not have any pictures of anybody that she bore a resemblance to; actually, she did not have any pictures at all from what Kim could tell.
“Hey, Shego,” Kim called.
“What?” the raven-haired woman answered in an irritated tone.
“Do you know what Drakken’s mother looks like?”
“Do you know anything about her?”
“Are you going to bring her anything?” the teen asked curiously.
“No. Why would I?”
“It would make a good impression, which is a good thing. You should take that pie you made last night,” the girl suggested.
“Didn’t you eat it?” Shego inquired. Pie did not last long after it came out of the oven because her pet seemingly swallowed anything with sugar in it. She hated to think what her girl's diet would be like if she did not make healthy meals everyday.
“I thought about it, but since I missed our workout last week, I figured I should skip it. So, you should take that,” Kim proposed.
“Yeah, whatever,” Shego replied.
The teenager only smiled because she knew that her mistress was going to follow her advice. She watched as Shego went through her expensive clothes; the redhead noticed that her owner had her closet organized in comfort wear, street clothes, business casual, and formal. Her comfort wear was mostly sport apparel, which she typically wore around the house. Street clothes were more fashion conscious than comfort wear and more form-fitting. Business casual and formal wear were the least worn out of her clothing because she was not very social. Everything in her closet was either some shade of green or black.
“What the hell should I wear?” Shego grumbled.
Kim picked herself up from the bed and went to the closet. She yanked out an outfit within a few seconds from the business casual section of the wardrobe. She held it up for her mistress, who stared at the attire.
“That could work. Good girl,” Shego praised her pet while patting the girl on the head.
The redhead sincerely grinned at the older woman, just glad for the acknowledgement. She was pleased to be of some use to her irked owner. She hoped that Drakken appreciated the trouble that Shego was going through, although the teen doubted he even knew about the effort that Shego went through for him.
The teen stayed out of sight when Drakken showed up. He looked around for her, unaware that she dwelled in the loft. She remained in her loft space while the couple got their act together.
“What’s that?” Drakken asked when he noticed that Shego was holding a pan in her hands and placing it in a bag.
“A pecan pie,” Shego answered. She was dressed in slightly loose black pants that hugged her hips. Her shirt matched her eyes exactly and stopped just below her bellybutton, giving her a neat look and not showing any skin; both females guessed that any sign of skin would probably offend the scientist’s mother. The shirt was a nice fabric and just a plain emerald green.
“Oh, pie,” he said with a bright smile on his face. She guessed that it was a good thing to bring the pie.
Kim rolled her eyes when she heard how pleased the scarred scientist sounded about the dessert; leave it to Drakken to be happy about the pie rather than taking some notice of how hot his girlfriend looked in her outfit. He was supposed to say something about her clothes, but obviously he did not know that. The redhead thought that it was possible Drakken had just won Shego in a girlfriend lottery because she could not see how else he hooked up with such a banging female.
Shego doubted that she would ever meet a creature more annoying than Drakken’s mother; the irony was, of course not lost on her. She used to think that Drakken was the most irksome thing that existed and she thought it was because he was crazy, but it turned out that it was learned behavior. So much for nature versus nurturing, she thought.
The main problem that Shego had with Miss or Missus, they never cleared up which it was and Shego really did not care, Lipsky was that she was boring! Not only was she dull, but her voice was like a million cats being drowned to Shego’s ears. The raven-haired woman just wanted to claw her own eyes out as an excuse to get out of the house, which smelled way too much like artificial pine and plastic to be pleasant. The thing there was that all of the furniture was covered in plastic like they were living in the 1970’s.
From the moment that the woman the door to let the couple in, Shego had bad thoughts about her. The first notion that came to mind was how much the shorter female looked like a troll. She could just picture her sitting under a bridge and trying to eat goats.
Once they were in the house, trapped in the house as Shego looked at it, Mrs. Lipsky started running her mouth and did not stop, even for air it seemed. Well, Shego could see where Drakken got that annoying habit from. And then the little redhead started going on about her brilliant little “Drewby.” Oh, it was going to be a long day, Shego thought with a sigh; she knew that she should have just stayed home.
The visit did cater to Shego’s sadistic side because she enjoyed the look of pure horror that appeared on Drakken’s face whenever his mother opened her mouth because who knew what she was going to say next. Almost everything that came out of his mother’s mouth was embarrassing for the blue doctor in some way and Shego could not help wondering why he would want her to meet his mother. He should have known that it was not going to make him look good because mothers knew all the dirt from when their children were too little to figure out something was stupid.
Shego guessed that Drakken expected his mother to make it seem like he hung the moon in the sky. She did not know why he would think such a thing since everyone over the age of nine knew that it was a mother’s job to humiliate them around their peers. Mothers were like landmines; a person had to watch his step around his mother because one false move and she could kill with one single story or one incriminating photo. It would seem that Drakken did not know that, but she bet that he was learning.
Drakken’s mother had no short supply of incriminating pictures of her little “Drewby.” There were albums dedicated to him looking like a complete imbecile. Shego gathered that Drakken was an only child just from the volumes of photo albums full of him; some of them were like a cartoon flip book and if they went through them fast enough, she was sure that they would have seen the whole scene of his ice cream falling to the ground and him bawling his eyes out like it was the end of the world.
Shego understood how parents were when they only had one of something, one child in Mrs. Lipsky’s case, and one girl in her parents’ case. Damnable luck that, she thought, especially with her parents. One tried to treat her just like the others and the other attempted to make it seem like she was special. It did not really work out.
After the billion pictures and even more stories, the Lipsky troll (mental slip on Shego’s part) tried to force feed them dinner. Drakken ate everything with a smile on his face, but he did whine about eating his vegetables. When his mother scolded him, he grumbled a few things that were mock swear words at best and that got him reprimanded again. Shego just watched the tragedy unfold while eating her meal; a meal that she did not want and the taste was not changing that fact.
Shego had to admit that her pet knew how to call them because she got praised when Mrs. Lipsky cut up her pecan pie. The funny thing was that the pale female was not much of a fan of pies; she mostly made them because her pet devoured them by the pan full. Shego did not really like any food that fell apart the short distance from the pan to the plate, which most pies did, especially when they were warm.
The raven-haired woman was so thankful when she was able to leave that woman’s house that she wanted to tell it to the world. She wanted to jump for joy, do a cartwheel, just anything to celebrate her freedom. She breathed a sigh of relief when she stepped into her home; she was safe from the Lipsky madness.
“So, how’d it go?” Kim asked, peering down at her owner from the loft.
“Don’t ask. If you need anything, I’ll be in the bathroom throwing up about five pounds of meatloaf,” Shego replied.
“You stayed for dinner?”
“He wouldn’t leave and he’s the one with the car. There’s no train station next to her house either.”
“He’s a momma’s boy, isn’t he?” the teen asked.
“Yeah, he does seem like one,” Kim concurred.
“When I look at him, a lot of the time I find myself thinking that only a mother could possibly fuck someone up this much,” Shego remarked.
Kim laughed because she had never heard of such a thing before. “I ordered pizza if you want food after you throw up,” the redhead informed her owner.
“You mean you actually used the phone and no one got hurt?” Shego teased.
“Well, I did dial the wrong number at first,” Kim replied with a smile, which was returned by Shego.
Family was not an issue with her mistress, Kim noted. Shego never asked Kim about her family and Shego certainly never spoke about hers. She did not even give in to Drakken’s wacky idea of meeting her kin; she just seemed to want nothing to do with her relatives. Kim was curious, but did not go snooping. Well, except for around the house, but she felt that it was her duty as a pet to go through her owner’s things when she was not around.
The redhead could have easily requested that Wade pull up everything he possibly could on Shego, but she never did that. Why waste his time with something that was not really her business? She could not find a reason to do such a thing. After all, what did a pet need to know about her mistress, except that she was the one that provided the food, shelter, and warmth?
Kim looked at her owner, who was moving around the kitchen. What kind of home was it that she came from, Kim wondered. There were so many possibilities that the redhead could not narrow down her selection. A broken family would explain her disposition. But, she was so domestic and good around the house that it seemed like she came from a family with parents that cared enough for the house to be clean and food to be on the table. Plus, she was affectionate, even if she did not know it. It was not that it was learned behavior to be affectionate, but it helped to experience something before going out and doing it, so Kim thought her mistress had experienced affection before.
Then there was the way that Shego tried her best in her relationship with Drakken, even though it might not look like she was trying at all. It seemed like she was trying to prove that she could stay with him no matter what. Kim could not figure out if Shego did such a thing because maybe her parents were broken up or they stayed together despite all hardships. It was so hard to figure out; she wished she could have Yori observe her mistress and have the sociology major weigh in on what was going on.
“What are you doing down there?” Shego inquired, staring down at Kim, who was comfortably parked on the floor right outside the kitchen.
“Admiring your butt,” Kim answered with an elfish smile.
“Bad girl. Do you want me to come after you?” she threatened her pet.
“Then get up and get out.”
The redhead pouted, but she did as she was ordered to do. She doubted her mistress came from a conventional family with how casual she was acting about having a girl openly admit to admiring her butt. Kim had made quite a few very open minded girls nervous with such things, even when she was joking.
Shego could not come from a conventional family for the simple fact that she was keeping a girl as a pet. Kim could only wonder about how her mistress was brought up for her to be all right with having a human pet. But then Kim thought about that on her end, how was she brought up for her to be okay with being a pet? Hey, she was relatively normal…okay, she was not normal, not even for her family, but she had a great upbringing.
A building suddenly erupted into flames, but the street was relatively clear, so no one was hurt. Only law enforcement agents were around because the block had been barricaded off. Moments before the building went up in smoke, a man was flung from the second story window; he was safely caught by several men that were on standby in case something like that happened. After the explosion, Shego came flying from a different window on the second floor. She landed on the roof of an unmarked car and groaned.
“Son of a…” she passed out before she could finish her sentence.
“That appeared to be special officer Shego,” a man in a black suit commented when he saw the body soaring through the air.
“If that was, she’s going to be pissed when she gets up,” another man replied.
Shego lay in her bed, staring at her ceiling. It left like her whole body had one monstrous headache. It seemed like with each beat of her heart there was also a throb of pain somewhere on her body.
She should not have saved that stupid bomber, she scolded herself. If she had not taken the time out of her life to grab the skinny lunatic and throw him out of the window, she would have gotten out uninjured. She should have left him there to show him that he was not immune to fire like he thought he was, even though she proved that when she hit him with one plasma-charged punch. She should have left him there just for being an idiot and arming a bomb while he was still at ground zero. What a fucking asshole, she silently complained.
She thought about how she could learn to dislike her job if criminals were going to be as crazy as that guy was. It was one thing to be a mad bomber; there had been plenty of those in history. But, to be a mad bomber that claimed to be immune to fire and was cleansing the world building by building was another matter altogether. It did not help matters that he had weapons that melted holes in almost anything, especially all of the police arsenal, which had been the reason she got called in.
“Hey, you’re up,” Kim said as she poked her head in her owner’s bedroom.
“Yeah, what about it?” Shego asked.
“I made you some soup and tea. Plus, you should take your medication before the pain kicks back in,” Kim replied.
“Made soup?” Shego echoed.
The redhead ducked out of the room and Shego wondered what was going on. Her pet was not allowed to touch the stove, so she could not have made soup or tea, unless she used the microwave. Shego doubted that the girl made microwaved tea because that was just wrong, even someone as dumb as her pet had to know that. So, the question was since when was the teen competent enough to boil water and not burn the house down at the same time?
Kim came back in with a tray that held a bowl of soup and a cup of tea. There was also a little bottle of pills on the side. She sat the tray down in front of Shego, who just gawked at the meal. Her pet had made actual soup, not from a can, but homemade soup.
“Chicken noodle is the only one I know how to make,” Kim sheepishly confessed. Even if it was homemade, she still thought it was a childish soup and felt a bit embarrassed to serve it to her very adult master.
“It’s fine,” Shego assured the teen in a low voice.
“I didn’t know what kind of tea you like or how you take it, so I went with lemon and put a couple of spoons of sugar in it.”
“Okay, you should take the medicine right away. Call me if you need anything,” the teen hero said with a small smile and she was about to leave, but Shego spoke up.
“You know, Princess, my mother makes homemade soup,” the raven-haired female murmured.
“That’s how she is. Everything has to be done from scratch.”
“Really? She sounds amazing, like you. Where is she?” Kim asked curiously. Hearing her owner refer to the woman in the present tense at least let her know that Shego’s mother was not dead and she would not be walking into an awkward moment.
“Hell if I know. My mother’s a weird one. I guess I get it from her,” Shego commented with a forced laugh.
“Weird is good. I like you just as weird as you are. I like everything about you,” Kim assured her mistress.
“I’ll bet,” the older woman muttered.
“I do,” the teen promised.
Kim then exited the room and left Shego to wonder what in the hell was going on. When Kim had first heard that her owner had been blown out of the second story of a building after it blew up and she had landed on a car, the teen had honestly been frightened for the first time in a long time. She thought that Shego had been killed or at the very least due for a very long stay in the hospital. It turned out that she was wrong on both accounts. Shego stayed in the hospital for one night, which was more than she liked, and then she was discharged, which was a good thing because she had promised to burn down her room if she had to stay any longer.
Shego had not even broken anything, but she was bruised like a rotten apple and she had sprained a few things. Kim admired her owner’s toughness, not that she grasped how Shego had not broken anything at first. Doctor Director explained that Shego’s talents extended beyond being able to ignite her hands and throw plasma blasts, but she was able to take a lot of punishment. There was also the fact that Shego needed to be tough with all of the training and work that she went through during her life.
Kim accepted the explanation because it made some sense to her and she had heard stranger truths. Shego was going to be bedridden for a few days, which the super-powered female did not like. Kim took it upon herself to take care of Shego, which of course surprised and baffled the green-skinned woman.
The pet showing responsibility also surprised Doctor Director, who came by a couple of days after Shego was discharged from the hospital. She entered the apartment to find Kim cleaning up. She thought for a brief moment that she was in the wrong home.
“What the hell are you doing?” Betty asked when she saw Kim sweeping the kitchen floor.
“Straightening up. Shego’s in her room,” Kim informed the older woman because she knew the reason the brown-haired female came by was to check on her friend.
The one-eyed woman nodded and marched to the back of the apartment to Shego’s room. She found Shego in bed, reading a book. She shook her head at the sight.
“I forgot that you could read,” Betty remarked.
“Very funny,” Shego replied while putting her book down.
“I see you finally got the lazy brat to do something.”
“It’s rather odd…” Shego commented while glancing at her bedroom door.
“What? It’s about time she did something.”
“She’s just a pet,” the younger woman replied in a dismissive tone. She did not expect a pet to do anything because she knew that a pet was not supposed to do anything. She would not expect a hamster to clean up, so she did not expect that of Kim either.
“I know. She’s been taking care of you?” Betty inquired.
“That’s the odd thing. She’s doing stuff that I was sure she’d fuck up. It’s a little creepy, like I’m trapped in the damn Twilight Zone,” Shego replied while looking away for a moment.
The raven-haired woman was rather uncomfortable with the situation that was taking place and it had only been going on for two days. There was something wrong with her pet taking care of her. She was supposed to take care of her pet, never the other way around. There was also the fact that her pet was showing signs of having a working brain hiding in that void she called a skull.
“You know, you being blown of that window was caught on tape,” Doctor Director said, pulling Shego away from her thoughts.
“Damn it. Everybody at work saw that shit, didn’t they?” the younger woman asked. She could just picture those assholes she worked with laughing at her as she was blown across the street from the second story of a building.
“They have watched it backwards, forward, in slow-mo. They kept pausing it when you hit that car because there is a precise moment where we can all tell in your mind you’re going ‘son of a bitch’,” the boss reported with a bit of a laugh.
“You guys are so wrong. I’m kicking everybody’s ass when I get back.”
Betty only laughed, even though there was always the chance that her friend was not joking around. They spoke a bit longer before Doctor Director had to leave. Kim brought Shego dinner right after Betty left. Kim sat down on the bed to eat dinner with her owner while Shego stared down at the meal.
The teenager thought that her mistress was wondering what a stupid creature like her knew about cooking. She knew that Shego thought she was just about as smart as a patch of dirt and she did not see the point in disproving that idea. It was not that she wanted to be looked at as dumb, but she did not feel like proving that she was intelligent without a reason behind it.
“Is it that you only know how to make pasta or is that you like it that much?” Shego inquired.
“I like it, but not as much as I like you,” Kim replied with a grin.
Shego rolled her eyes while the teen continued to smile. Kim could not figure out, but she very much liked the irked woman and she wanted so much to make her happy. She wanted to help Shego like the woman helped her.
There was a knock at the door that caused Kim to jump up from the sofa to answer before her mistress could move; Shego was also sitting on the sofa. The older woman finally felt good enough to move around, but the redhead still insisted on doing simple things, like getting the door. She allowed Shego to handle most of the other things because she understood that Shego needed to do things; she certainly needed to run her own household.
The teenager jogged to the door and opened it without asking who it was as usual. Standing before her was not one of the two people that she expected to see at the door. The woman in front of her looked like an older version of Shego, minus the green tint to her skin. Kim was a bit confused.
“Um…may I help you?” Kim asked, thinking that the woman might have the wrong apartment.
“I’m looking for Shego,” the woman answered.
“Oh, sure. Right through here,” Kim replied and she pointed to the living room. It did not cross her mind to ask who the woman was or what business that she had with Shego.
“I gathered as much.”
The woman stepped in while Kim closed the door. The teen hero studied the woman with an arched eyebrow as she walked to the living room and noticed that she moved similar to Shego. She thought that was odd. The funny thing was how the woman’s motion stood out to Kim, but she did not think anything about how the woman was dressed in a black business suit or the reason behind someone dressed in such a manner wanting to see her mistress.
“Princess, who is it?” Shego called.
“Is that what the girl is called?” a familiar voice inquired that caused Shego to turn to the opening that led to the living room.
“Mommy,” the green-skinned female gasped.
“Mommy?” Kim echoed; well, that explained a whole lot, but left so many questions. She could not help wondering if Shego was anything like how she described Drakken; a person that only a mother could fuck up so much.
Next time: Shego’s mother. That’s it, just Shego’s mother.