The good thing about having a pet would be being able to tell a pet anything. A pet can’t judge you and even if it does, you don’t know what the pet is thinking and the pet doesn’t speak human. A pet is a cheap therapist in that sense.
Kim peered over the edge of her loft space as she was taken from her sleep by the sound of grumbling. She watched Drakken gathering his clothes and wished that she had been struck blind at that very moment. There were just some sights that a girl did not need to see upon just waking up, a sky-colored ass covered in tight-y whiteys was at the top if that list; it brought new horror to being mooned. She flung herself back onto her mattress and threw her pillow over her head while trying to will the image of Drakken’s butt to go away.
“You’re not going to help your hangover by mumbling,” Shego commented, speaking to Drakken. She was clothed in a short grass green robe and holding two mugs of coffee. She handed one cup to the scientist. “Besides, you might wake up my p…cousin,” she corrected herself.
“She’s here again?” he asked as if he was irked by her presence. He was really wondering why that girl did not go home sometimes. It seemed like every time that he came over her cousin was there too.
“She came in last night while you were legally dead,” she informed him. She could not understand how someone could sleep so hard, except for her lazy pet anyway.
“Why doesn’t she just go home?”
“I’m sure she’s thinking the same of you.”
“And why didn’t you tell me you had a cousin?”
“I don’t know, why didn’t you tell me you suck your thumb?” she countered. If he wanted to go blow for blow, she could do it all day. Hell, she would even call in sick to work just to keep busting his chops.
“It was only that one time!” he retorted.
“Oh, you mean last night?”
“You can be very mean-spirited, you know that?”
“I go with my strengths,” she remarked.
“I thought you’d have a little more respect for me after last night,” he declared.
Shego fought with herself to not laugh outright, but she did roll her eyes; it seemed like a must to do so in such a situation. If he was as smart as he thought he was, then he would never bring up last night for the rest of their natural lives. Some tragedies just needed to stay dead and buried, last night definitely was one of those things, Shego believed anyway. It seemed that he would like to argue over the matter, but she could not even bring herself to be so evil as to burst his bubble, much to her surprise.
Kim listened as the couple went back and forth until they left to go to work. She groaned while rolling over; it seemed that blue-skinned dolt did not make her mistress happy like he was supposed to. She sighed; she was going to have to stick around for a while longer it would seem. Not that she was going to complain or anything.
“And to think, I was going to leave today, but Shego is just as cranky as ever. Is he really that out of his damn mind?” Kim wondered.
The redhead got a couple more hours of sleep before duty called and familiar beeping interrupted her comfortable rest. She got the low down from Wade as to what she was needed for. She then grabbed a shower and left to do the hero thing.
To Kim, one of the best things about being a hero, aside for helping people, was the free falling. She loved to free fall, mostly because there was really only one way to go and that would be straight down. In free falling, there was no decision to be made, no arguing; she just had to go down as the laws of gravity demanded. Sure, she could delay it and move around, but in the end, she still had to go down and that was great as far as she was concerned.
“Hey, Kim, how was your New Years?” Wade inquired as the redhead dived out of a plane without a problem.
“It was okay. What about yours? You went to a party?” she teased.
“On line,” he replied with a laugh.
“Same old Wade no matter how old we get.”
“Look who’s talking.”
“Got me there,” Kim laughed.
Shego was thankful to take her mind off of everything by having an assignment waiting for her when she got to work. She was sent after a ninja; what the ninja was doing out in broad daylight was beyond her. She did admit that no one saw the ninja coming; a person that dealt in stealth doing a robbery in daylight was so random that the guy almost got away. Almost being the keyword because Shego was not going to let up since it was her assignment and she quickly found out why he was given to her; he was skillful and about couple of abilities that the regular police did not want to mess with. She did not care what he could do and now they were now running all over the city, having short, but hard battles along the way.
The pair stopped in the middle of traffic to have another one of their little confrontations. Shego ignited her hands and went after the man dressed completely in black. His body began to glow with a yellow aura as they turned to face off and she learned that it acted as shield, safeguarding him from many of her good moves. They halted cars as they began their deadly dance for the fourth time in over an hour.
The raven-haired woman could not help wondering why there were so many ninjas in Go City. Did martial artists seriously not have anything better to do with their time than to toss on their ninja uniforms and go out stealing stuff while she was on the clock? What was wrong with people? It seemed like the whole city was just off its rocker sometimes.
Shego ducked a kick from her opponent and managed to grab his leg before he completely withdrew the limb. She flung the ninja into a stopped car. He grunted on impact and Shego went to him as he was trying to get on his feet. He avoided a punch from her and swept her feet out from under her with a kick. As she fell to the ground, he pulled out a short sword from behind his back. He obviously thought that he had her as he tried to bring his blade down on her, but she caught the weapon between her plasma charged palms.
“Ever wonder just what temperature steel melts?” Shego remarked as his sword was reduced to a liquid in her hands.
The ninja gasped and decided to put some space between them than trying to deal with such dangerous hands. He took off via car tops, but Shego was right behind him. She started throwing energy blasts at him, which she would not have done, but the thief was throwing four-pointed stars at her, which were surrounded by a dull yellow light; she guessed that he had his own energy talents. She hit the projectiles with her powers and they disintegrated before touching her.
The ninja made his way over a bus and Shego thought that she might have lost him. She was having an off day, she considered, and then she heard car horns blaring along with an impact sound. She leaped over the bus and saw the ninja lying in the street with a crowd starting to gather around. Apparently, she was not the only one having an off day.
“Son of a bitch, the chief’ll eat my head down to my shoulders if that bastard is dead,” Shego thought as she went to check on the ninja.
The super-powered female found that the thief was unconscious, but he was still breathing and his pulse was fairly good for a person that was just hit by a SUV. She called in for ambulance, which showed up in no time and she was thankful for that because she did not want to stay there too long. It just so happened that the woman that hit the ninja was hysterical about the accident and Shego did not want to have to explain more than once that it was all right because the guy was a criminal; not to mention, his golden aura protected him fairly well from an serious injuries.
Shego retrieved the stolen items while the ninja was taken to the hospital. When he was unmasked, and identified, it turned out that he worked for a rival company and he had stolen the plans for a weapon of some kind for the company, looking to get ahead in the corporate world with the unique technology. Shego did not care because, once he was in the hospital, he was someone else’s problem.
“Good job, Shego,” Doctor Director complimented her.
“Good job?” Shego echoed in a bemused tone. “And just what the hell is that supposed to mean?” she demanded to know.
Doctor Director arched an eyebrow to her employee’s reaction to an actual accolade. At first, she considered it was because she rarely flattered anyone and Shego did not take a compliment well anyway; she always looked at them as some sort of roundabout insult. But, she could see that Shego was not taking the usual offense.
“You’re obviously in one of your moods. What’s wrong, kitten run away again?” the one-eyed woman inquired.
“No,” Shego answered.
“Drakken freaked out?”
“I don’t even want to talk about it right now,” Shego answered with a frustrated sigh. She really just wanted to break something.
“Are you sure?”
“Are you ever going to want to talk about it or am I going to have to take you to the gym and beat it out of you?” Doctor Director inquired with a smirk.
“Beat it out of me? When was the last time you beat me in a battle?” Shego countered in a challenging tone.
“That’s it. To the gym. I’m kicking your ass,” the younger woman declared while pointing to the door.
Doctor Director only laughed and led the way to the gym that was located downstairs. She and Shego went to the mats. The gym was mostly empty because everyone was either working thanks to the surge of villainy that they all knew would not subside until about the end of the month or they were home because to them it was still the holidays.
Shego often thought about the evil of holidays, which she knew most people would never understand, but she had come to her conclusion through sound logic in her opinion. Holidays were evil for the sheer overindulgence that people enjoyed during the celebration. Holidays promoted hedonistic behavior that a lot of people just could not get under control after they opened up. She thought that it was foolish because if people just stopped pretending to be so selfless and righteous all the time, they would not need the excuse of a holiday of any kind to cut loose. If people just let the pleasure of living engulf them and appreciate that simple fact, they would not go overboard so much and even if they did, it would not be as annoying because it would not be so out of the norm. It made sense to her.
“Hey, don’t zone out on me,” Betty said to the younger woman.
“I was getting a philosophical in my head,” Shego admitted sheepishly.
“You need to stop. The last time that you got philosophical, you told your big brother where he could stick it if there was room up there anyway and then you told him where he could go,” Betty reminded her with a laugh.
“I doubt there was room up there anyway. I mean, his big head has to take up most of the space,” Shego remarked.
The chief chuckled again and then they both suddenly got into their fighting stances. They circled each other, both trying to think of the best way to go about the battle that they were about to engage in. They thought back to the last time that they sparred and realized that it been over a year since they last went at each other for more than a minute; they had been busy with working.
“I hope you’re not out of practice,” Shego taunted the older woman.
“Just don’t cry to your mommy when I kick your ass,” the boss replied.
“I’ve learned better.”
Betty snickered and then went at the pale female in an instant, hoping to catch her by surprise. The raven-haired woman quickly became defensive as her opponent swiftly attacked. Shego silently admitted that the mostly desk job was not taking away from her friend’s skill. Betty still had her speed and flexibility; she got in some good hits before Shego decided enough was enough.
“This is like back in high school,” Betty commented as she blocked a kick from the pale woman that had been aimed at her head.
“That was just fucking stupid,” the green-skinned female replied while recovering her leg and dodging several punches from her opponent. She was quicker than Betty recalled; apparently, Shego was still getting better.
“I was only trying to help.”
“That’s why I don’t ask for your help anymore.”
“You didn’t ask back there.”
“There was obviously a reason for that,” Shego remarked while trying to go at Betty’s midsection.
“Even the best of us screw up every once and a while,” the one-eyed woman retorted while avoiding Shego’s swift hands.
“You more so than others.”
Betty frowned and went at her younger friend with more effort than before. Shego smirked as she bobbed and weaved moves from her boss. They relished in the fact that for once they did not have an audience while they fighting because now they could cut loose. That was another reason that they hardly sparred with each other; they hated it when people watched them and tried to coach from the sidelines. They knew what the hell they were doing without novices putting their two cents in.
“Are you going to keep coming at me with your c-game?” Shego inquired as she dodged several roundhouse kicks.
“I almost forgot I had a higher game,” Betty remarked.
“Let me refresh your memory.”
Shego dipped and swept the older woman’s feet from underneath her. Betty flattered and tumbled backwards to avoid the rest of her friend’s assault. Shego did not let up and kept going at her old friend.
Betty was defensive for a while, getting tagged a few times because Shego was rapid and powerful with her attack. She marched forward always. The boss laughed to herself a little bit; Shego fought how she lived, so there had to be some weakness somewhere, she reasoned.
The one-eyed woman was already sweating after a few minutes of fighting, but she noticed that Shego was also, meaning she was not as out of shape as she feared that she might be. She upped her effort and started going at Shego again, hoping to gain some advantage. They began exchanging blows and soon it looked like they were in a movie.
The pair fought for over ten minutes before Betty dropped to the canvas to catch her breath; her body just could not stay up anymore. Shego sat down next to her best friend and glanced at her. The younger woman had to take a few breaths before deciding to talk.
“You’re not as off your game as I thought you were,” Shego commented.
“More than I thought, though. I used to be able to whip your ass. Damn desk job. I’m going to have to start doing things again,” Betty replied.
“Yeah, sure,” Shego scoffed and rolled her eyes.
“So, why the attitude?”
“I slept with him.”
“Good for you,” Betty replied. She would have said more, but she was still trying to catch her breath. She glanced over at her friend and noticed her expression. She then thought about the attitude. “Okay, obviously not good for you,” the one-eyed woman guessed.
“You’re kidding. How is that possible?” Betty asked.
“Believe me, it is. He then fell asleep after not doing anything and mumbling three words that I didn’t need to hear.”
“You’re lying, right?”
“I wish I was.”
“What’s the problem? Don’t you…?” Betty could not bring herself to ask. She knew that there were just certain words that she was not supposed to use when talking to Shego. She was also aware that it was not a question that her friend would answer no matter what. She just assumed that Shego put up with the man and his eccentricities for a reason.
“I don’t know,” the younger martial artist answered.
“So, you didn’t say it back?”
“He fell asleep right after.”
“So, maybe it was just ecstasy slip. You know most people can’t think and climax at the same time,” Betty remarked.
“He remembered in the morning. He remembered that he said he loved me,” Shego informed her friend. The older woman was not sure how to respond to that, especially since she was not totally clear on how her friend felt.
Shego threw on her house clothes, thankful to be home. She went to the living room and moved her sleeping pet’s head from the sofa. She sat down and then placed Kim’s head in her lap. The teen groaned a little bit, but remained asleep. Shego put the TV on and found a movie that she wanted to see. She watched the picture peacefully for a long while and then she was distracted.
Kim turned while she was lying on Shego to where she was in front of Shego’s stomach. She then rubbed her face in her master’s abdomen. Shego looked down at her pet and saw that the girl was still out like a light despite her actions.
“You want attention even in your sleep. You’re such a lazy brat,” Shego commented while gently caressing the teen’s head. “You’re so lucky, Pumpkin. Your day consists of eating and sleeping without anything else to fuck it up. I bet the toughest decision you made today was whether you should heat up some lunch or just crash on the sofa. You barely go outside and when you do, you hang out with those goofy ass friends of yours. No cares or responsibilities in the world. I actually think you’re living the way most people want to, but they’re too scared to try it out.
“For a while, I used to live like you, just doing whatever I felt was good and not giving a damn. I ended up doing too much, though. Turns out being a total hedonist is self-destructive. I ended up slowing myself down after almost killing myself from just doing too much shit.
“You, though, you need to speed up a little bit. But, I guess this is your thing and you’re good at it, so why knock your flow, right? I certainly do attract the most pathetic of creatures.
“Drakken is just as pitiful as you, maybe even more so. I mean, at least you don’t think you’re more than you are. You know how I met him? No, you don’t, I never told you and you don’t bother with asking. I was assigned to guard him and his project when he got hired for some big demonstration in the city. It was some kind of aircraft that actually exploded during the test; I thought that shit was funny.
“But, there was something weird about Drakken, aside from the blue skin. Maybe it was that he didn’t look at me like a freak like a lot of guys do. Believe it or not, even with the figure and the looks, I don’t get a lot of attention from guys. The greenish skin puts them off, which I really don’t mind. Only interesting people will give a girl with green skin a chance and that’s really what I’m looking for.
“Funny thing is that I got you and Drakken out of the deal. I’d like to think that you’re just playing around, but I can tell you’re serious about it. Too bad you’re just a little monster, whiny pet. Drakken, I don’t know about him. I think he thinks he’s serious about it.
“Anyway, where was I? Oh, yeah, Drakken, started hiring me for guard service whenever he came into town or if I had some time off, he’d hire me wherever he was. He pays good money. He actually needs a guard too. People try to jack his stuff all the time.
“Eventually, he asked me out to dinner at a place that only served seafood. I’m not much a fan, but what the hell, free food is always free food. I’m sure that something you understand. We linked up, sort of anyway. You’ve seen enough of our little train wreck to see just how awkward the guy is around not just me, but people point blank. You’ve seen him kiss me. It’s not a pretty sight. Hell, he should take lessons from you. I’ve actually experienced something worse than his kiss, though.
“You probably already know I slept with him. You’re probably even upset with me, even though you tried to encourage him to be more open. I don’t think he liked that. I don’t know why you tried to help. It’s probably because you’re not too bright, even though you claim you want me to be happy. I don’t know why. It’s not like I give a damn about you.
“To tell you the truth, you’re probably the only thing that really cares about what I do with my life, probably because I feed you. If you really do care about my happiness, you’re still probably the only thing that cares. Drakken might in his own bizarre way, as frightening as that maybe.
“You know what he told me? He said that he loved me. It’s not a concept I’m comfortable with for the sheer fact that love is pure bull. I also don’t think that a man missing as many marbles as Drakken knows what it is to love someone, if such a thing is possible to do.
“Betty thought I loved the guy and that’s why I put up with him. What a stupid fucking assumption. Hard to believe I’ve known her damn near all my life. You’d think she’d know me a little better, eh? I mean, I put up with you and I damn sure don’t love you.
“You are just a lazy, good-for-nothing freeloader after all. Why do I put up with him? No idea really. Maybe I’m set in a dumb assroutine that he’s a part of. You, though? I don’t know why I keep you around, but I guess I’ll keep it up. After all, you’d probably die within a couple of weeks if I kick your cute ass out,” Shego commented with a light laugh.
The raven-haired woman stopped talking because Kim started to move again. Kim let one of her hands rest near her owner’s side and it looked like she was going to grip some part of Shego, but she did not and she remained sleeping. Shego shook her head and continued to pet Kim; yeah, her teen was certainly hopeless, but at least she was cute while being that.
Kim woke up smiling. She leaped down from her loft space and it appeared like she was just cheering in her mind. She trotted into the living room and her face fell like she had just seen the worse sight of all time when all she saw was Drakken and Shego sitting on the sofa and talking to each other. She lingered in the area for a moment too long.
“Your cousin’s here again?” Drakken balked. Kim was getting the idea that he did not care for her presence, not that she understood why. It was not like she had done anything to him; she certainly had not ruined his day as many times as he had ruined hers, she was sure of that.
“She lives here,” Shego informed him in a dull tone. She glanced at her pet and guessed that she should warn the girl next time Drakken just popped by because Kim was still in her pajamas with sleep still in the corners of her eyes and her hair going every way that it possibly could. She really did not care how Kim looked and the teenager was not trying to impress Drakken with her appearance, but Shego for some reason would rather her boyfriend not see her pet in her current state.
“You never said she lived here. She said she was visiting,” Drakken pointed out as if he was trying to make an argument about something.
“What does it matter?” Shego asked; it was not like he lived at the apartment. He could always leave if he had a problem and if he was going to make a thing about her pet being there, then he would have to leave.
“You really should tell me these things,” he answered.
“Should I be leaving?” Kim inquired.
“Yes!” Drakken insisted.
“Princess,” Shego said because she knew why Kim had come to living room with smile and she had only just woken up a minute ago.
“It’s all right. I’ll just go outside for a little while,” the redhead muttered.
Shego tried to stop the girl, but Kim went back to her space. The pale woman sighed; it was supposed to be their day. It was her only day off during the week and she usually spent it with her pet. They went to the park or something else like that. She bought her pet sweets if she was good. They rented movies and vegged out on the sofa. It was generally a day to relax and she knew that her pet looked forward to such things.
“Damn it,” Shego muttered.
Kim dressed quickly and left the apartment. She had been looking forward to just a day of resting in Shego’s lap, watching her mistress’ content expression as they enjoyed some sappy movie. She wondered if anybody knew that her owner had a soft spot for romance movies. She doubted it; it was probably a secret, just like when she fell asleep in Shego’s lap and the older woman liked to kiss her cheek. Things like that made her look forward to her mistress’ day off.
In fact, on her keeper’s day off, Kim informed Wade that he was not to call her unless the entire world was threatened, or at the very least a whole continent. Her mistress’ day off had pretty much become her day off because she knew that Shego liked to unwind with her around. Well, and she liked to lounge around with Shego; it was not like there was anything wrong with that.
“So, you chased my cousin away. Anything else you’d like to ruin today before it’s even ten?” Shego asked Drakken. And to think, she would still be sleeping if she had just not answered the phone earlier, she silently mused.
“Why don’t you get that kid a job or something?” Drakken countered.
“Because that’s none of your business. What are you even doing here?” Shego was dying to know the reason behind him showing up at the crack of dawn on her day off; okay, fine, it was not the crack of dawn, but on her day off, she liked to pretend that the day did not start until the afternoon.
“I figured we should talk about what happened,” Drakken said.
“Why?” she asked quite seriously. She did not see why any man would want to make two minutes of intercourse a topic of conversation, especially when he was not even the one that did all of the work. He had simply been the one to ruin it.
“Because it’s an important step in our relationship,” he answered.
“I think we should tell our families.”
Shego wanted to laugh, but his suggestion was so ridiculous that it was so hilarious it did a one eighty turn and she could not laugh at it. How a man that held a PhD could be so stupid, she would never know, she guessed. What made him think that she shared anything with her family aside from their common genetic makeup? What made him think that she wanted to tell either of their families anything at all?
And to think, had she just not answered the phone, she could still be sleeping right now, she thought again.
Next time: Shego actually meets Drakken’s momma while Kim wonders about her mistress’ family. Shego also gets seriously injured, so who is going to take care of her? She won’t believe it.