Walking the Line

Problem Four

With friends like these


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TITLE: With friends like these

AUTHOR: StarvingLunatic

DISCLAIMER: Hey, if you stop and you think about it, I don’t own anything in this story really. The characters belong to Disney. The story is based on Tramps Like Us, which belongs to Yayoi Ogawa. The words belong to the English language. What’s left for me?

SUMMARY: This is AU like a mug. Shego is a cop and Kim…well, you won't believe what Kim is.

TYPE: Kim/Shego, Kim, Ron, Shego/Drakken, Other, Friendship, Romance

RATING: US: R / DE: 16

NOTE: I also don’t own Donkey Kong (he gets a shout-out).

Words: 4336

Shego caressing her pet.

What’s the point in having a pet if you don’t play games with it?

Shego scanned the park that she was located in. As she eyed the area, she could not even recall the last time that she glanced at Run Park. It was just about the most beautiful park in all of Go City. It was lush and green all around, making her think that one day out of her life she should have stopped to just look at the place for the color if nothing else. It had everything that a nice park required; there was a picnic area, a public pool, a playground, tennis courts, basketball courts, a couple of baseball diamonds, a big open area just to run around in, and a rather big and clean pond.

“Hey, I got it!” Kim called to the older woman as she ran over while waving a Frisbee in her left hand.

“How in the hell does she keep finding this thing?” Shego wondered as her girl came jogging over to her and gave her the flying disk.

“You’re going to throw it again?” Kim inquired while appearing rather enthused about the whole bit of going to get the toy. She was smiling and everything.

Shego rolled her eyes. Part of her brain told her to just shove the stupid Frisbee up her pet’s ass for her being stupid enough to find such a mindless activity enjoyable, but she ignored the impulse to do such a thing. She threw the toy again as hard as she could, just as she had done the previous five times that she had flung the flat disk. Her pet charged off in the direction that she tossed the Frisbee in; the toy had disappeared behind some tall, thick trees that were bunched together.

“She needs the exercise, but this is damn boring. And how the hell does she keep finding that thing so damn fast?” Shego asked herself once again.

The raven-haired female figured that Kim would be gone for at least a couple of minutes if past experiences held true; she thought that most people would be gone much longer to hunt for the toy because of how hard she was flinging the thing. She looked around and then suddenly her cell phone rang. She checked the number and considered that it might not be so annoying to answer.

“Yeah, Betty,” Shego answered her phone.

“I need you to save me,” Betty said in a whisper.

“Why in the hell are you talking like that? What’s the problem? Somebody kick your ass?” Shego teased.

“No,” Betty huffed indignantly at the very idea that such a thing was possible.

“Then what in the hell do you need me to save you from?”

“What else? My family,” the one-eyed woman answered. She thought that much was obvious when she called and whispered.

“Family? Oh, shit, is it already the first Sunday of the month?” Shego asked with a laugh.

“Shut up. Come get me now or just tell my mother that there’s an emergency at work. She won’t believe me if I tell her,” the brave boss of the specials’ office reported. Shego just wanted to fall out laughing, but she was in public.

“Yet she’ll believe me?” Shego inquired. They went way back and Betty’s mother knew her very well. Honesty was never really her thing unless she knew it was going to hurt someone’s feelings.

“You know you’ll sell the lie better than I would anyway. She always believes you, even when she knows you’re lying. You have to get me out of here now.”

“Let me guess, your little cousin is asking you about what’s under the eye patch again?” the younger woman asked dryly.

“Yes,” Betty groaned.

“You should just show her one day. I bet that would shut her up. Put your mother on the phone,” Shego ordered while trying her best not to laugh outright at her friend’s plight.

The raven-haired woman could practically hear her friend thanking her in her mind; those family get-togethers were killers and Shego knew about that first hand. She was on hold as her pet came into view with that damn Frisbee. Kim was still grinning and everything; Shego bet that her moronic pet was proud that she had found the stupid thing so quickly. Kim presented her master with the disk while bowing for whatever reason. Shego put her hand up to signal that her pet would have to wait.

“You’re not going to throw it again?” Kim asked as if she was disappointed.

“I’m on the phone,” Shego replied.


“What have I told you about that?” the older woman growled.

“Not to interrupt you while you’re on the phone,” Kim answered with a groan. She then pouted, but it did not help.


“So, are you—?”

“Stop,” Shego snarled.

Kim pouted something fierce and Shego frowned. She yanked the plastic disk from her crybaby pet and flung the thing as hard as she possibly could in the direction of more trees and bushes. Kim thankfully ran after the toy and left Shego alone. The super-powered woman shook her head and sighed; she did have a small smile on her face despite how annoyed she was. Then she realized that she was being yelled at over the phone. By the time the yelling and conversation were over, she noticed her pet was coming back yet again.

“What is she, a Frisbee hound?” Shego wondered because she did not understand how the girl kept finding that stupid plaything.

“You’ll never believe where this thing landed,” Kim said as she held up the disk.

“Princess, I don’t really care where it landed. That’s not my problem.”

“So, are you going to throw it again?”

“Sure, I’ll throw it again, but this time you have to bring it back in your mouth,” Shego informed the girl.

“In my mouth?” Kim asked with a perplexed expression on her face.

“Yeah, just like all of the other pets,” Shego replied and she motioned to all of the dogs in the park that were retrieving items with their mouths.

“They wouldn’t do that if they had opposable thumbs,” Kim commented in her mind.

Kim was sleeping on the sofa when she heard noise by the door; it was light knocking, but she was not listening that intensely. At first, she was going to hop up from her resting place and rush to the door, but the she recalled that her mistress was already in the house. Well, if her owner was already home, who was that at the door? She did not make any motion find out.

“It’s not locked!” Shego called to the person knocking at the door.

“I should’ve known,” Betty commented as she entered the apartment.

The one-eyed female shut the door behind her and walked into the living room. She immediately noticed the napping teenager on the sofa; Kim was laid out like she had been flung from a catapult and happened to land on the sofa. The brown-haired woman was going to say something about the lethargic brat, but moved along when she saw the girl was completely knocked out. She continued on into the kitchen, which was where Shego was.

“So, my little white lie got you set free?” Shego inquired with a taunting smirk.

“You’d think being a kick-ass, take-charge, commander of a special law enforcement division twenty-seven year old would’ve been all I needed to get set free,” Betty remarked.

“It never worked in the past, why should it work now?” the younger female commented.

“Because it needs to work just once.”

“Obviously not as far as your mother’s concerned. Besides, I bet you didn’t say that to her anyway,” Shego said.

“Regardless of the fact of what I said or did not say, it is still implied as I am an adult,” Betty countered.

“You didn’t say it.”

“Last time I said anything to her that she wasn’t in full agreement with, she slapped me in the mouth.”

“That was ten years ago,” Shego pointed out.

“All the same, I would rather not be slapped again by a woman that knows about ten different forms of martial arts,” Betty commented.

“Safe call, but my mother used to slap me all the time and I still disagree,” the raven-haired woman retorted.

“Which is why you’re so confused now. Besides, don’t you still go running for cover when your momma comes a-calling?” Betty teased her friend.

“Hey, you’re not about get smart with me in my own house. I’ll bust your ass and then throw you out right along with sleeping beauty out there.”

“Speaking of sleeping beauty, what is the deal on her? She’s sleeping at five in the afternoon?” Betty inquired because, as far as she knew, teenagers did not nap. They were usually out causing someone grief well into the morning.

“I ran her around in the park earlier. She’s so lazy. She will not go outside if I don’t take her. She would probably be fat by now if I didn’t work her out as much as I do,” Shego informed her friend.

“Maybe she wants to be a housecat. What are you doing in here?” Betty asked.

“Just making some sandwiches. We didn’t eat lunch and she whines to no end when she’s hungry. I’d offer you one, but knowing how your mother is when people dare enter the house, you probably got force fed enough to not have to eat for the week,” the younger woman remarked.

“At least my mother offers food. Your mother rules by law of the jungle.”

“Makes for interesting family reunions.”

“Speaking of your mother, does your family know about your little pet?” Betty inquired.

“My family doesn’t even know my address,” Shego answered.

Betty nodded; she had forgotten who it was she was speaking with for a moment. Most people might have thought that Shego was the odd man out, so to speak, if they met her other siblings and then they might even think that she was the black sheep of the bunch. Actually, if a person really got to know the whole crew, Betty believed that the person would see that Shego was the best adjusted of the pack, even if her choice of pets was taken into consideration.

“Princess,” Shego called as she grabbed two plates with sandwiches on them and carried them to the table. Betty followed behind her friend.

Shego put both plates down; the sandwiches were turkey with lettuce, tomato, cheese, and mayonnaise on a roll. Betty sat down while Kim zoomed to the table. The teen was about to bite into her sandwich when she was suddenly scolded.

“Pumpkin, don’t be rude to the guest,” Shego reprimanded her pet.

“Oh, I didn’t notice her. Hello, miss,” Kim greeted the other woman very politely and with a smile.

“Hello…?” Betty was not sure what to refer to the girl as.

“Her name is Pumpkin or Princess, which ever one you want to call her,” Shego informed her friend.

The brown-haired female nodded to show that she understood, even though she thought that it was strange to call a teenager by names that she knew her friend had made up. She thought that the pet looked rather familiar for some reason, but she did not think anything of it. After all, why would someone that she recognized be her friend’s pet? She could not see any reason for that because she did not know anyone that crazy or bizarre. She could not think of anybody that would voluntarily subject herself to Shego’s attitude on the daily basis either without it being absolutely necessary.

“You know, I didn’t know you had any friends,” Kim commented, speaking to her mistress.

“And what’s that supposed to mean?” Shego growled.

“I just didn’t know,” Kim replied.

“I’ve got friends. I’m sure I have way more friends than you have, you dumb pet,” Shego huffed. “And keep talking like that and I’ll take your food away.”

“No!” Kim whined.

“Naughty pets get punished,” Shego pointed out.

“I’m sorry. I bet you have plenty of friends,” Kim said with a smile, but that did not change her owner’s expression.

(New day)

The redhead waited outside the parking lot of Go University. She glanced down at her watch and saw that she was a little early, a bad or good habit of hers depending on the situation. She waited for a while before she could see both of the people that she was waiting for coming toward her. He opened his big mouth the moment that he saw her.

“K.P!” Ron hollered as if there were miles between them when it was hardly yards of space between him and Kim.

The blonde charged Kim and grabbed her into a monster hug; she guessed that he liked doing that because he was now half a head taller than she was. Ron looked different from the last time that she saw him. His hair was longer and defying gravity by going off in every direction all at once. He had dyed the edges of his hair a sandy brown, a little lighter than his eyes. It also looked like he was trying to grow a mustache, which she hoped was not the case.

“It’s good to see you, Ron,” Kim said as he released her from his all-powerful embrace.

“Yeah, it’s been a couple of months, huh?” he asked.

Kim nodded in response and then turned her attention to Monique as she made her way up to them. The girls embraced each other tightly, but civilly. They let each other go to get a good look at the other. Monique was just as pretty as Kim recalled, not that she expected any less. She was dressed as fashionably as Kim had expected too; she was wearing a crimson skirt with a button-down white shirt and a designer v-neck poppy red vest.

“Girl, what is with the ears?” Monique asked when she saw the little black cat ears crowning Kim’s head.

“Ears?” Kim echoed.

“Yeah, the cat ears on your head. What’s the deal? I’m feeling them and all and I might have to steal the design for class, but what made you come outside with them in the first place?” Monique inquired.

“Cat ears?” Kim touched the top of her head and realized that she had come out in that headband. “Oh, it’s a quirk,” she replied.

“You are a quirk, you don’t need anymore,” Monique remarked.

“She’s got a point there,” Ron concurred.

“Come on, let’s start walking,” Monique suggested and the other two silently agreed. They started out of the parking lot and down the street.

“So, how are you two doing?” Kim asked.

“We’re fine. Classes are just kicking our asses,” Ron answered with a laugh.

“Our very fine asses,” Monique added.

“They are fine,” Ron concurred. “What about you, K.P? We haven’t seen you in damn near two months. How’s it going?”

“Everything is totally spanking,” Kim answered.

“What do you mean by that? Are you still hopping from place to place?” Monique inquired.

“No, I’ve been living some place for like a month and a half now,” the redhead answered.

“No way,” Ron and Monique said in sheer disbelief. It was like she told them that the tooth fairy was real and she had proof; that was how amazed they were by the news and it showed on their faces.

“Yes way. I’m totally living with somebody,” she assured them.

“Who?” both friends practically demanded to know.

“A woman,” she answered.

“What’s her name? Why are you living with her? How long have you known her?” Monique asked and she had about a billion other questions to go with those, but she figured she needed to pace herself.

“Her name’s Shego,” Kim replied and she thought that would be enough for at least one of her friends.

“Shego? Really?” Monique asked.

“Shego? It seems like that name should mean something to me,” Ron muttered and the young ladies sighed.

“Boy, don’t you watch the news ever? She was on there a while back. She wrecked a whole freaking building and punched one of the reporters that was trying to question her about it. She’s a damn psycho cop,” Monique informed the blonde.

“Oh!” Ron said like he knew what she was talking about and then his expression dropped. “No, still not ringing any bells.”

“I’ll ring your bell,” Monique remarked while making a fist.

“Ron, maybe you should stay away from the events on campus every now and then and try to get in touch with the outside world, the real world,” Kim commented.

“Hey, campus life is real enough for me. Parties kick major ass. Matter of fact, I was just at this popping party last night. The food was killer and the music was off the chain,” Ron reported with a wide grin.

“Good food and music, it was like a Ron Stoppable trap,” Kim remarked.

Monique laughed a little bit. “Back to you, Kim, and this living with this Shego woman thing. I didn’t know you knew her,” she commented.

“Well, I didn’t know her at first. She found me in a box right outside her place and let me stay with her at her house,” Kim vaguely explained.

“She found you in a box?” Ron inquired.

“And let you stay at her house?” Monique added. They thought that if Kim heard it back it would sound just as strange to her as it did to them.

“Yes,” Kim replied; it sounded simple enough to her. Sure, she could understand why they might not grasp the whole “found her in a box” thing, but those were the facts. She had been in a box and Shego had found her.

“Okay, I understand that we’re both just average, simple undergrad students, but explain this to us like it would make sense,” Monique requested.

“It’s no big. I’m her pet,” Kim replied with a shrug.

“Her pet?” both friends gasped. They considered that Kim might have misspoken her statement in some way. It just was not possible for her to mean that she was actually some woman’s pet.

“Yeah, her pet,” Kim repeated as if it was nothing. They could not believe that she would confess such a thing with a straight face.

“I’m thinking of two words,” Monique said.

“Could they be ‘sick’ and ‘wrong’?” Ron inquired in his usual over-the-top tone of voice.

“Exactly. What in the hell is going on with you, Kim? How in the hell are you somebody’s pet? Like Rufus is a pet?” Monique asked, trying her best to grasp the concept.

“Whoa, hey! Rufus is not a pet!” Ron objected to such a label.

“That explains why he gets his own plate whenever we go out, but that doesn’t explain why he has four legs,” Monique remarked.

“This isn’t about Rufus,” the blonde reminded the African-American girl.

“Right, back to this pet thing, Kim. Has the pressure finally gotten to you? You’ve seriously snapped. I mean, that thin line between genius and insanity. You have so crossed it,” Monique declared.

“Yeah, all over that insanity side,” Ron agreed while making a hand gesture like a circle for no reason that the girls could see, except for the fact that he liked being dramatic.

“No, I’m still walking that very fine line,” Kim tried to assure them.

“You can’t be. You just admitted to us that you’re some anger-prone, reporter-punching, nut-job’s pet,” Monique pointed out.

“It’s not as bad as you think. She’s not like how the papers and the news made her out to be. She’s a cool person. She helped me when she didn’t have to. She went way above and beyond with it too. Besides, she wants me around and I want to be around her, even if she doesn’t believe that first part,” Kim replied.

“What?” Ron requested clarification.

“She wants me around, but she doesn’t want to believe it,” Kim replied.

“How do you know?” he inquired.

“It’s pretty easy to figure out. If she didn’t want me around, she would’ve totally thrown me out or completely fried my box with me in after she found me in her bed a few days ago,” the redhead explained.

“Damn, so many questions from that one sentence,” Monique muttered. Part of her could not even believe what they were talking about. The rest of her could not believe how casually they were talking about it. Now, they were used to some crazy stuff, but their friend, Kim Possible, was a pet. How does one rationalize that?

“Fried your box?” Ron said in a bewildered tone.

“Set it on fire,” Kim elaborated.

“This is so not quelling the quests. What the hell are you even talking about?” Monique asked.

“Okay, I’ll try to go through this the best I can. Shego can set her hands on fire more or less and she hates it when I sleep in her bed. So, I crawled into her bed a few days ago because it is ferociously comfortable and she’s mega warm. She woke up and freaked out as usual about the rules and whatnot. I ran for cover in my box and she only screamed at me,” Kim explained.

“She only screamed?” Ron echoed. “I’m totally missing the good part about this,” he commented.

“I could have been set on fire and reduced to a redheaded pile of ashes,” Kim pointed out the good part.

“When you put it that way, yeah, I can see how that would be a good morning,” the blonde remarked.

“Okay. So, you sleep in her bed?” Monique asked.

“I know what you’re thinking, but there’s nothing sexual about it,” Kim replied.

“Oh, some girl on girl action. So, Kim, any chance of you coming over to me and Yori’s place when you’re done being a pet,” Ron requested with make-believe suave.

“Ron, I’m not screwing you or Yori. I’m also pretty sure that Shego’s straight or just not attracted to me,” Kim informed her friends.

“Please, girl, that’s doesn’t mean a damn thing. First of all, there’s not a person on this planet that isn’t attracted to you, that includes us and I consider myself pretty damn straight,” Monique proclaimed.

“But, you guys are different,” the redhead argued.

“Different how?” Ron asked curiously.

“You’re not Shego,” she answered.

“Whatever. Are you attracted to her?” Monique asked the teen hero.

Kim glanced at her friend and laughed a bit, which was really all the other girl needed. The look in those olive green eyes said it all and the little chuckle gave whatever else was there away. Still, Monique liked to torment her friends by continuing on even when she knew the answer to something.

“I thought sleeping in her bed wasn’t sexual,” Monique commented.

“It’s not. Just because I get in her bed and I use her chest as a pillow—” Kim was cut off right there.

“This is sounding suspiciously sexual,” Ron interjected.

“Seriously,” the brown-eyed girl agreed.

“It’s not,” Kim insisted. “Like I said, I’m pretty sure my mistress is straight and even if she isn’t, I’m just a pet.”

“Did you just say your mistress?” Monique inquired.

“I’m a pet,” the redhead replied.

“She doesn’t know who you are?” Ron asked curiously.

“No,” Kim answered.

“That’s probably the most appealing thing. So, you’re going to try to stay with her forever and just not make a decision? You’ll be a pet until she regains her sanity?” Monique inquired.

“Okay, the conversation has just been killed. It’s been shot and we’re leaving it bleeding in the streets. Let’s just hang out because you know I don’t want to talk about it,” Kim stated.

“You never want to talk about it,” Ron pointed out.

“Because it doesn’t help make it any easier,” the redhead replied.

“Hey, just look at it this way, you can do anything,” the boy commented with a grin.

“Like get more numbers at the club than you do tonight,” Kim teased.

“That’s only because you’ll talk to anything with two legs. They don’t even have to be two working legs or connected to a breathing person. If me and Mo combine forces, though, let’s just say it’s a boo-yah for sure,” the blonde declared.

“You always combine forces,” Kim pointed out.

“Oh, yeah,” Ron said in a deadpan tone.

“And sometimes we win. It’s on like Donkey Kong. As long as the kitten doesn’t have to be in at a certain hour,” Monique taunted Kim.

“That is so wrong,” the redhead laughed.

“Does she treat you like a cat with those ears?” Monique inquired.

“Pretty much just like a cat or a dog,” Kim answered with a shrug.

“And you stay? You shouldn’t let that woman disrespect you like that,” Monique pointed out.

“It’s not like that. I don’t expect you to understand because you haven’t seen how it is. Besides, you’re both pretty much normal, except for the fact that you hang out with me and you’re geniuses in your own fields. I don’t expect you guys to understand that I’m fine with being her pet,” Kim stated.

“Why? It’s totally sick and wrong,” Ron pointed out for the second time.

“I don’t mind,” Kim said.

“It’s because you’re attracted to her,” Monique teased.

“Am not!” Kim retorted. Brilliant response, her mind said sarcastically. She might as well stick her tongue out while she was at it, she thought.

“You are so into her. Don’t front, girl,” Monique continued to taunt her friend.

“So not.”

“So are.”

Next time: Kim manages to anger Shego and to worry Shego and anger her again, in that order. Not quite curious? Well, what about if Kim finds out that she doesn’t have her mistress all to herself?

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