A History of Yesterday

Chapter 5

T-minus six


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TITLE: T-minus six

AUTHOR: StarvingLunatic

DISCLAIMER: I don’t own these characters. Disney owns them, believe it.

SUMMARY: It starts with a honeymoon and ends with an affair. Or does it start with an affair and end with a honeymoon? Whichever.

TYPE: Kim/Shego, Kim, Shego, Romance, Slash

RATING: US: R / DE: 16

Words: 3278

Shego knew that she had been wrong. She had been so very wrong. It was just that things happened to piss her off, like when things did not go her way or when she did not know exactly what was going on. She just could not stand things like that, but still she had been wrong and she knew that.

The green-skinned female had never felt so guilty and ashamed of herself in all of her days. Through out all of her half-assed heroing, half-assed sidekicking, stealing, fighting, and biting sarcasm, none of that had left her feeling a tenth of the way that she felt at the moment. It only let her know further what was a fact and that was, she cared about Kim Possible. She cared about Kim a lot.

Now, she did not mind admitting that to herself. It was just that she knew what came along with caring about a person and that was a lot of baggage, some of which she was feeling the brunt of at the moment. She did not mind it with Kim because she believed that the redhead would be true to her, but she damn sure did not show that. She merely acted like an ass.

“I’ll have to apologize, I guess,” Shego muttered to herself. She was walking down the street with no destination in mind; she just had to get out of the house.

The pale woman was well aware that she was going to have to apologize. She did not feel any better about herself after walking out on Kim, so she obviously preferred to be with the hero rather than being on her own, which her mind pointed out. She should have known that before she left, but she had not been thinking about it when she was busy making a complete and total jackass out of herself. She had put way more than her foot in her mouth that time around; she had practically gnawed both legs off.

“Idiot,” the super-powered woman berated herself.

What had she been trying to accomplish in that argument, her brain demanded to know. She had already known that Kim was very sensitive about how much Shego trusted her and she had gone and practically confirmed the belief that she did not trust Kim at all. How stupid was that? She just had to a bitch about things. She just had to keep pushing, even though the issue was deader than disco.

Shego sighed and she wondered why Kim even bothered with her. She had a wicked, sharp tongue; the muscle might as well be a poisoned dagger with the way that she used the thing and on the one person that gave a damn about her. But, she had been so upset and she believed, even now, that she had a right to be angry. She just should not have said what she said. Right, that was it. She did have a right to vexed, though.

Look, her girlfriend, her lover, her Princess had been keeping a secret from her, a big secret as far as she was concerned. So, of course, when she found out about it, she was exceptionally cross about the whole affair, even though she did try to control herself. Kim should have told her what was going on. No, actually, it was her belief that Kim should not have done what she did point blank and there would not have been as much to tell if she had done that.

Okay, actually, they had established that Kim should have at the very least told her about everything immediately and at the most Kim should not have gone through with anything that she had. That issue was extinct, so she needed to stay on track and focus on the new issue, the one where she should have just shut up because the matter was closed, but she did not. She just went too far.

“Why the hell do I always do that? Why the fuck do I always have to keep going? Do I need to get the last word in so badly that I don’t care if I make her look at me like I eat babies in my spare time?” Shego asked herself.

Yes, Kim had looked at her like she was some kind of monster, which was helping plague her mind. For Kim to look at her like that, she knew that she had done something heinous. It killed her on the inside to know that she could do something to make her lover look at her in such a manner.

“Fuck it, I need pretty much the greatest damn gift of all time to make up for this cock up,” the pale woman told herself.

Shego did not even know where to begin if she was going to start searching for a gift. It would have to be an outstanding gift too. Something that, like, a queen would want or something and she was not sure what that was. What was the greatest possible gift on the planet?

She considered flowers for a brief moment. She could see Kim chucking those right out of the window in front of her face, which would open a whole new can of worms because she would have to slap Kim after that. She then thought about candy, but unless the candy was laced with some serious drugs, she doubted that would work in gaining her any kind of forgiveness. Besides, she could picture Kim flinging those into the garbage with all of her might. She then thought that a stuffed animal might do the trick because her lover did have a soft spot for those stupid cuddle buddies, but she could envision the redhead breaking out a jar of acid to dissolve the toy; that would be one of the problems with dating a chemist. She had hurt her Princess way too much for something conventional to make up for her big mouth.

Okay, well, what was she supposed to get Kim that said “I’m sorry for being an amazingly insensitive, stupid asshole, so please, forgive me”? She tried to think, what did her Princess really need or what did her heart truly desire? Nothing was coming to mind. All right, it seemed that she was pretty much screwed.

“Come on, brain. Don’t let me down like this,” Shego begged her mind.

She did not want to risk losing Kim. The hero was hers no matter what, but with the way that she had acted, Kim might just decide that she did not want to be Shego’s anymore. It was not like Shego was keeping her Princess a prisoner in a tower or anything, so Kim was free to go whenever she wanted. She might want to leave now. There was always a chance for that; she hated to admit that.

But, there was a catch. Shego would not just let her Princess walk out of her life like it was a simple thing to do. She would scrap for Kimmie no matter what because Kimmie was hers. She had been the one to save Kim and she would not allow anyone else to profit from her hard work. She had been the one that showed Kim that she should not settle, so she definitely was not about to just allow the redhead to walk out of her life, especially not when it would be her fault. The guilt would haunt her for the rest of her life along with the memory of her girlfriend.

The green-skinned woman sighed. If anything, her blunder let her know how much she cared about Kim and she told herself that she had better always remember the feeling to avoid screwing up again. It did annoy her to a certain extent. It annoyed her because her feelings gave Kim power over her. Just look at her now, wandering the city to find someway to apologize to the redhead, walking around like a vagrant searching for that one special, holy-grail type object that would make everything all right again. She never thought that she would be in such a situation and even though she did not like it, she continued her search.

Kim was disheartened and distressed to say the least. Shego had been gone for hours and she had not called or anything. She was not sure if her beloved was coming back. She wanted to believe that Shego was going to come back, but she had been so angry when she left that it seemed highly likely that she would not return.

Part of Kim thankfully declared “good riddance!” since Shego was gone. She had said so many hurtful things and it was not like Shego trusted her, which was proven during the whole ordeal. They could not have a real relationship if Shego was never going to trust her as much as she trusted the pale woman.

Kim supposed that it was her fault that her beloved was never going to trust her wholeheartedly. She was the one that had not told Shego about the encounter, but she did not think that it was a very big deal. It was a quick passing on the street with a few words exchanged; it was so not the drama, yet they were going through all of the crap that they were now. And, it was pretty much her fault, Kim silently lamented. It was her fault.

“No, I didn’t make her say those things,” Kim reminded herself.

She did not make her lover spout so many harsh words. It was not all her fault. Sure, she had started the situation, but she did not force Shego to speak her mind in such a rough and thoroughly callous manner. She could not believe that was what Shego really thought of her. They had been together for so long and that was what her girlfriend thought of her for all of that time. Why did Shego even bother to stay with her then? What was the point?

The hero always feared that Shego thought such things of her. They had not come together under the best circumstances, after all. Now what happened way back then was definitely all her fault. She guessed that she did not blame the green-hued former thief thinking such things about her. She just wished that Shego would not hold it all against her like that. She was not really like that. She was not and she wished that Shego would just believe that.

For some reason, the redhead felt like she should do something, even though her issue had been resolved. She still felt like she owed Shego an apology for starting the whole mess, even though she had already apologized until her tongue was swollen. She just wanted to show Shego that she really did love her because she truly loved Shego from the bottom of her heart.

But, Kim was upset with the things that Shego had said, so she supposed her apology would wait until well after Shego’s, if she ever did get around to apologizing. She just could not let go that the raven-haired ex-villain would say such detestable, reprehensible things to her. So, she would wait for Shego’s apology; not to mention, wait until she even felt like speaking with the emerald-eyed female.

Kim thought that she heard a noise outside of the bedroom door. She turned to see if Shego was in bed, but saw that she was alone, just like when she had gone to bed. She guessed that the noise might have been her lover, but Shego did not enter the room. Kim yawned as she sat up and looked around for the source of the noise. When nothing caught her eye, she decided to get up and investigate.

The redhead hopped out of bed and went to the door. She opened it and was about to step out when something on the floor caught her eye. She glanced down to see a single red rose and an envelope. She picked up both and opened the envelope to find a letter, which was addressed to her.

“Princess, I’m so sorry for everything that I said and did. I didn’t mean those words. I swear that I never meant to hurt you. I was just so angry when I said those things and you know that sometimes I let my mouth get carried away. I didn’t mean any of it. I’m so sorry.

“I know that I’m the only one for you and you’re the only for me. I want things to stay that way. I want things to always be that way. I swear that’s all I want. I’m so sorry for making you think otherwise.

“Princess, you’re my world. You’re my Princess. I would do anything for you. I never meant to hurt you. Please, believe me. I never meant to make you cry. You know how I feel about your tears. I never wanted to be a reason that you cried. I’m so sorry. I promise I’m sorry.

“Please, forgive me,” the letter pled and it was sighed from Shego in neat, curvy handwriting.

Kim folded the letter back up and then scanned the area for her girlfriend. She did not see any signs of the former villainess, but she went to check the rest of the apartment. She went into the living room and found Shego on the sofa. It appeared that she planned on sleeping there, as the blanket and the fact that she was lying down suggested; she was going to sleep on the couch.

Shego doubted that Kim wanted to sleep next to her after everything that she had said. She did not think it was fair for her to even lie next to the redhead after hurting her feelings so thoroughly. She had some problems with sleeping on the sofa, but she would do it until it seemed that she was forgiven.

“Sweetie,” Kim said.

“Hmm?” Shego answered while opening her eyes.

“Why don’t you come to bed?” Kim offered. It took a lot for her beloved to admit fault, so she could at least see that the pale woman was trying. She could meet Shego halfway if that was the case.

Shego sat up and looked at hero to see if she was serious or not. From the look in her olive eyes, Kim was serious. The green-skinned woman guessed that she was wrong in assuming that her lover would not want to sleep next to her; actually, she had not been wrong until Kim found her little package.

“Princess, I’m so sorry for everything I said,” Shego apologized again.

“I know,” Kim replied while sitting down next to her beloved. “I’m sorry for everything I did,” she muttered.

“It’s all right. I knew you didn’t mean anything by it. I was just angry and paranoid. I don’t really think like that. I was just really pissed.”

“You had a right to be. It was so stupid of me to think that he didn’t mean anything. I should’ve told you about running into him the second I did and I definitely shouldn’t have met up with him, even if there were a bunch of people around. I shouldn’t have given him the number either. I don’t know what the hell I was thinking,” Kim stated while shaking her head a bit.

“It was all right. I mean, I just forgot or disregarded the fact that you’re the trusting, optimistic type. You always give people the benefit of the doubt until they show their true colors while I always assume the worst. Plus, I just remember how you used to be when it came to that bastard. I just jumped on you like that because I thought you might actually consider going back to him,” Shego admitted.

“Shego, I’d never leave you, especially not for him.”

“Well, doy,” the ex-thief commented. “I’m way better looking then him.”

Kim laughed a bit; leave it to Shego to try to remain all cool when talking about such a serious matter. She was thinking about how Shego always tried to stay cool when it came to almost talking about her feelings or thoughts on their relationship. She believed that Shego was so guarded because she did not trust her, despite everything she said.

“You are,” the adventurer concurred.

“Kimmie, I really didn’t mean everything I said. I don’t think of you like that. I know you’re honest,” the pale woman said while reaching over and caressing Kim’s cheek; she was glad that the scientist did not pull away. “And I know that you’d never cheat on me. I’m sorry I even suggested that such a thing could happen,” Shego stated.

Kim believed Shego for the sheer fact that Shego did not like to apologize, so for the sheer number of times that she had apologized, Kim felt that meant that she was being sincere. She wanted to forgive Shego automatically, but she remembered all of those words being yelled at her and the wounds were still so fresh that they were not allowing her to forgive her beloved.

“Shego, come on to bed,” the hero said while climbing to her feet.

The green-skinned female frowned; she could just sense that she was far from being out of the dog house. She did not know what it would take to get Kim to move on. She wished that she could take those words back and burn them to a crisp that way they could never bother her redheaded girlfriend ever again. Kim did not deserve any of those things that she had said, but she could not un-say them. She could only apologize and wait, so she would have to do those and try to show Kim that she did not mean anything that she had said.

Shego went to bed with Kim and they both thought about some of the things that Shego had said. “So, Kimmie, did you enjoy your little date with David? …I wonder what you two did together, but I’m going to guess that it had something to do with fucking around… I guess not only can you do everything, but everyone while you’re at it…. It looks like Little Miss Perfect has a failing after all. She’s a whore…” Yes, she had actually called Kim a whore. She could not believe that she said those words. How could she expect forgiveness after saying such things? Gandhi probably would not even forgive her for those words.

The forgiveness actually came in small intervals. First, Kim was all right with talking to Shego while looking her in the eye; for a while when the whole ordeal began, Kim used to look at the floor when she addressed her beloved. Then they moved on to where it was all right to touch; it started out with simple touching that as completely innocent and ended with it being all right for Shego to hold Kim when they went to sleep. Then it was all right to kiss after that. And then one night, Kim cuddled up to Shego and used her for a pillow, resting her head on Shego’s chest.

The intimate action let Shego know that everything was finally all right. She held onto Kim tightly in her sleep, caressing her hip for most of the night. She was never going to let her girl go, the pale woman silently vowed. She just had to be more careful about what she said. She just had to be more careful.

Before this happened: what led Shego to say such things?

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