Doctor Vivian Frances Porter was sitting at a table in the space center lab going over some notes for her latest robotics project. She was in a small office with the door shut and it was quiet enough to hear a pin drop, if only the floor was not carpeted. Her face was intense, as if she was truly focusing on her work. She was trying her best to place her whole attention to her work, but it was difficult at times. If people knew what went on in her head sometimes, she swore that they would think that she was just as ditzy as she appeared. She did not care what other people thought, but she still felt comforted with the fact that no one could get inside of her head.
The blonde placed a manicured finger to her forehead and massaged the center of her head. It was as if she thought that action would get her back on task. She was finally starting to see numbers again in her pages, so that was enough for her to get back to work. She shifted a bit in her chair, the leather caressing one of her lower limbs like a chilly lover.
She had one of her usual short skirts with her attractive, creamy legs crossed at the knee, one on top of the other. She had hoped that the outfit would catch the attention of her mate, but as always when it came to her significant other, her best-laid plans had gone awry. She did not allow that to stop her from walking out of the apartment in such clothing, though. Her striking appendages were practically on display for any and all to gawk at, but the only other person in the room was Doctor James Timothy Possible. The shocking thing was that he was looking and she was very aware of that.
Vivian did not mind in the slightest that James looked. In fact, she was glad that he did. Sometimes, she would even admit to herself that that was why she left the skirts on when they did not attract her mate’s attention. Sure, Betty might not notice or look, but she knew that she could rely on James to appreciate her lower limbs with his eyes. It had been something that she could rely on for a few months now.
It had become a habit of theirs and they were well aware that it was not a very good habit, yet they could not halt. It tickled Vivian to have someone looking at her in a desirable manner, especially someone as sweet and considerate as James. He, on the other hand, felt invigorated knowing that someone as beautiful as Vivian liked attention from an old man like himself. It was almost like a little game for them, entertaining each other and themselves as they felt they required it. It was easier to think of it as a little game for them too.
The game had an air of innocence about it. The one rule they seemed to have was simple; the more virtue that they could attach to things, the better it was for them. After all, they both had women in their lives that they loved dearly. They had people in their lives that that honestly meant the world to them and yet, they did what they did. They had to look at it like some game to keep their wits about them to avoid breaking down.
It would probably mentally and emotionally crush both Vivian and James if they thought about what they did in realistic terms and put everything in order. The guilt would stretch them out as if they were on a rack and they would certainly snap. It would be like waking up to a true nightmare, finding themselves to be wicked, evil, terrible people that could do what they felt was the worst of deed, betraying themselves and their loves. They had to think of it as a game to prevent reality from raining on their parade and stealing their sanity. Besides, it was not like what they did was anything serious, to them anyway.
They never said anything to each other that they did not find what was going on serious. It seemed a bit insulting to say to the other, so they kept that to themselves. It did not seem like they cared either because neither of them asked for reasons in regard to why the other played the game. They just played with each other, taking what they did from it and not wondering what the other got in return.
James was very aware that his whole attraction to Vivian was what was commonly known as a midlife crisis. He was not totally sure what brought on the crisis, but it was there, leading him to do things that he would never approve of. Maybe it was because he felt like he was getting old. He had turned fifty a few months ago, just a little before his game with Vivian started, and the milestone had been more depressing than a reason to celebrate. He was just an old man at fifty, he figured.
James did hide his depression from his wife and family. He did not want them to know because part of him knew that his feelings were silly. He just could not rid himself of the emotion. He continued to think that he was an old man. Vivian made him think otherwise since he doubted that a beauty like her would be attracted to an old man. Maybe there was more to it, but he tried not to think about it. He actually hoped that he got over it soon.
The rocket scientist felt horrible thanks to his actions during his “midlife crisis.” He knew that the logical thing to do would be to cease his activities and then he would no longer feel so terrible. The problem was that he could not stop just yet. His mind did not seem ready to give things up, still insisting that he was an old man, so he continued playing the little game that they had worked out for themselves. The game tended to go the same way whenever they played, which was not getting to be less and less. He hoped that was because he was finally getting away from his “midlife crisis.”
The little game had been going on for months, but it did have lulls in it. It never was daily thing. In fact, it was not even something that happened on the weekly basis much of the time. Since it was most initiated by Vivian, the game went with her whim. James never complained, even though early on, he wished that it went on more often to rid him of his depression. He did not pressure her, though and continued to go with her flow for their little game.
The game started rather simply. Vivian would pretend to be focusing on her work while showing off her legs or some other attention-grabbing piece of her curvy anatomy. James would be pretending to do the same while eyeing whatever it was that she was showing off, like her legs right now.
The blonde robotics’ expert just wanted a little attention and some sign that she was still worth looking at. After all, sometimes, she seriously felt like she was not worthwhile. She had it embedded in her mind that if she was desirable, then her girlfriend would not cut out on her so often due to various calls from her office. It hurt her just thinking about some of the times that Betty would dash out on her, like when they were out to dinner or when they were sleeping in the middle of the night and worst of all was when they were making love. Yes, Betty had actually run out on her once when they were making love. It was understandably quite the blow to her self-esteem.
Vivian often wondered if Betty cared about her at all considering some of the times that the brunette ran out on her. It hurt worse than having a million paper-cuts when the one-eyed woman abandoned her. She seriously felt abandoned, like a kitten in the gutter, when Betty left sometimes. It was like shredding her heart when the person that she loved so deeply could not stay with her for romantic evenings. For example, after she had taken the time out of her day to make a wonderful dinner from the bottom of her heart, only for Betty to leave before taking a bite because someone at the office was calling for whatever reason. The pain was so all encompassing that Vivian felt physically burdened by it. Her heart ached and she felt like she wanted to cry; actually, there were times when she did weep over it. She just wanted the pain to go away and it did when played this game.
Things did not happen as often as they might seem with Vivian in regards to her and her significant other. She understood for the most part that Betty had a very important job and sometimes the one-eyed woman needed to get to the office, or needed to just run out because of an emergency. It was just that the wounds from the running added up after a while and she needed some sort of relief. Doctor Possible was that relief; he was that reassurance that she was actually worthwhile. He was her painkiller.
“Doctor Porter,” James said suddenly, finally tearing his eyes away from her fine lower limbs to see into her sapphire blue eyes.
“Yes?” Vivian replied, turning to look directly at him. He was situated across the small room from her at the other desk. They both actually had their own offices and labs, but they worked in the little office together just for the companionship and, of course, to play their game.
“I was wondering if you wouldn’t mind checking my math on this. It’s not coming out the way I thought it would,” he requested, sounding as normal as ever while he held up the notes that he was supposed to be going over.
“Sure,” she answered in her usual chipper voice. She even wore her usual bright smile while responding.
James pushed himself up from his plush leather chair and the few feet across the office seemed like miles. It gave him time to ask himself the usual questions that came up when things started their typical progression. Why was he doing this? Why would he not stop? It was so easy to turn around and sit back down, so why did he not do that? Why did he keep going?
The answers were there, but it seemed that they were not very satisfying for him to discontinue his deeds. He knew that he loved his wife very deeply and would hate to lose her, especially because of something so immoral and yet, he did not stop. He knew that Ann did not think that he was an old man and she was still very much attracted to him, yet that did not stop him. He was even aware that being depressed about his age was childish and even irrational, but he was still depressed about it. He did not know why that was and he continued on, as always, as if the weight of his actions turned into some leisurely work that he could put off working on for the time being.
He felt like a fool for doing something that seemed so obviously stupid. He loved his wife, but he did what he did. He could lose her because of an irrational emotion and an insane “cure,” but he kept going. His actions obviously bothered him, echoing in his mind through out the journey, but he did not stop. That had to be the act if a fool, right?
People thought that he was so smart, a genius many would say, but there he was doing something stupid and borderline insane, James thought. After all, only the insane did something over and over again expecting different results, although he was not really expecting different results. He was dreading different results because if something out of the norm occurred, it could mean that they would get caught.
The rocket scientist often worried that one-day he would be found out. He wondered, what would become of him if he was found out? Well, Ann would more than likely divorce him. He hated to even think about what the kids would think if they knew. He did not even think about his reputation because of the horror that went through him just knowing that Ann and the kids would be lost to him. He could lose everything and, yet, he pressed on, moving forward to his possible destruction and loving it like a choice wine. He wondered if the person that coined the phrase “like a moth to a flame” had been in a similar predicament because he was certain that one day he was going to be burnt to a crisp and it was only a matter of time.
James was not the only one feeling as if one day the flames of Hell would be knocking; Vivian was definitely of like mind on that one. Her girlfriend dealt in intelligence gathering and was no idiot. One day Betty was going to figure out what was going down and Vivian was so certain that she was going to know the true meaning of pain on that day. She was not looking forward to that day’s arrival. Still, she did not halt the motions that she and James had started. Right now, she needed some attention, some assurance, or she was going to implode in on herself. Or she was going to explode, which would be directed right at Betty. That would only drive the one-eyed woman away, as her temper often did, and she did not want any part of that right now.
The blonde asked herself why she and James did what they did? It seemed so stupid to her if she looked at it logically and she knew that it seemed that way to him. They should have to turn in their degrees for what they were doing, probably even their high school diplomas. They were just being plain insane by doing the same terrible actions over and over again, even though they knew it was wrong and parts of them did not even want to do it. They just wished that those parts would expand or speak louder to get them to seriously stop. She doubted that either of them would lament if they lost the thing that they had right now, but they did not give it up so easily.
James finally got to the desk that Vivian was parked at; it seemed like it took him hours to get there. In all of that time, they both noted how they could have stopped the wheels that they were putting into motion. All it would have taken was a word from either of them and the little game could have been put to a halt right then and there, not just that one time, but altogether. They could have ended, but no one bothered to push that button. It was so sad, they both thought.
James placed down the paper that he had been working on, putting it on the smooth desk near Vivian’s notes. Vivian turned her attention to the paper rather than to James, which he expected of her. She looked down at his work, so close to hers that she could see the contrast in their handwriting styles. He had what she considered a typical “boy” handwriting while she had a typical “girl” handwriting. Now, if only they were a typical boy and girl with typical willpower to just put an end to things before they ruined their lives, a voice in the back of her mind commented. She ignored that.
He stood behind her for a moment before leaning down where his mouth was on level with her ear. He got a strong whiff of her perfume, which she had dabbed on that morning with the hope of getting her girlfriend’s attention. It was a pleasant smell that he failed to notice that she wore often; it tended to get better results than it had that morning. James did not pay it too much mind either, not swayed by the flowery scent because he was used to raspberries, which was the fragrance that Ann wore. He then brought his arm around the blonde scientist to point to the paper and direct her to where he was having “problems.”
“See, the math just isn’t working out here,” he said in a whispered tone while moving his finger over the crisp sheet of paper.
“I don’t know why. The numbers look right,” she replied, still focusing at the paper.
“They don’t add up, though,” he stated, moving a bit closer to her ear to the point where she could feel his warm breath on her sensitive skin.
“I see that…” Vivian trailed off as she felt his lips brush across the shell of her ear. A small shiver of delight raced through her body. Her nerves had wanted such attention for a few days now. It was nice that someone had time for her.
“What do you think I should do?” he asked curiously, as if he was confused. It was all part of the little game, though. He pressed his face into her neck ever so slightly while putting his free hand to her shoulder.
“Hmm…probably try a different equation for this setup,” she answered while leaning into his rather gentle touch. Her girlfriend was gentle with her most of the time, but she never compared the two because there was nothing to compare. Betty’s touch was like true heaven to her while James’ touch was more akin to soft sheets against her flesh, down to earth and nothing extraordinary.
“A different equation?” he echoed, nipping at her neck, but making sure not use much pressure. He knew that she had someone at home, just like he did, and he did not desire to get her into any trouble with that someone. “Like what?” he asked while noting that she tasted like she smelled, like honeysuckle.
“Hmm…” Vivian seemed to think on the question, or actually what was buried underneath the question. God, they were such nerds, she thought for a brief moment before getting back to the project at hand. “Try fractions,” she answered, still playing their game.
“Fractions it is,” he agreed. Yeah, they were definitely nerds.
James spun Vivian around in her black, leather swivel chair and captured her mouth with his own. The kiss was nothing to write home about, no spark and did not transcend the physical touch that they knew a kiss could. All the kiss did was tell that them that the person that they were kissing was not their love, but the person that was there and proclaimed their existence in a way that only this extremely wrong thing that they were doing did. The kiss told them that they were alive and they mattered to someone enough for them to do something so wrong. The worst of it was that they mattered to someone that they really should not need to matter to, but like always, they continued on.
Vivian stood up to avoid hurting their necks while they did a deed that they hated themselves for. There was little excuse for their actions, they both believed. A midlife crisis with some depression? So what? A twinge of lonely ache? Yeah, and? They were fully aware that they should deal with those issues rather than drown them out by indulging themselves in temptations and temporary solutions, yet they continued on with the latter rather than the former.
For nerds, they certainly betrayed their intelligence at times like this, they thought. Not that their intelligence was the only thing wrapped up in their traitorous actions. They could be throwing their lives away. So, why go on, they often demanded to know mentally. They went on because it felt like a cure, but really all it happened to be was a treatment for the symptoms of a disease, not the actual cure of the disease. One day, they needed to stop and do things right or they were certain that they were going to die from their sickness.
James moved forward a bit, backing Vivian up onto the desk. She sat down, feeling the cool, polished wood against her bare legs. He held onto her waist with one hand to make sure that she did not slip off of the smooth surface while they kept their heated kiss going. He was so thoughtful, she noted mentally because of the way that he made sure she was secure. Why was he doing such a thing when he was such a wonderful man? She did not have an answer for that, but then again, she did not consider herself to be too bad of a person and yet there she was performing right along with him. Sometimes, he would wonder why such a beautiful blonde who could obviously have any man that she wanted seemed to desire him.
They never told each other their reasons for why they were doing such things and they damn sure did not ask. They actually thought it would be mean of them to share the fact that they were using the other. Sometimes they were fairly certain that the less they knew, the better it would be. After all, they already knew that they were both potential home-wreckers, even if they were having help in the area. It was still a daunting thing for rather kindhearted people such as themselves to think that they had set themselves up to ruin lives without an ounce of consideration. They had to be horrible people, they thought of themselves. Oddly enough, they both still saw the other as rather pure and decent individual, despite the fact that it took two consenting parties to do what they were doing.
They pulled away from each other for a moment to catch their breath. They both made it a point not to look at each other in that moment. For some reason, they both felt like if they looked at each other, the guilt would smash into them with the same force of a high-speed train. Instead, they looked off to the side while taking in their air and then they went into from some more unfulfilling kisses. The embraces might not mean anything, but they did affirm things for James that he was not old and Vivian was getting the attention that she craved so desperately.
Vivian reached down for James’ belt and undid the buckle before doing the same to the button on his trousers. She pushed his pants down while his hands wandered to the inside of her skirt to rid her plain cotton panties; she was not inclined to wear any type of sexy lingerie for him. That was something that was only done for Betty and since Betty had cut out on her that morning, she had changed what she was wearing underneath her provocative outfit. He did not even get to see Vivian nude actually. They only did such things as fully clothed as possible and it had nothing to do with the fact that they only did it at work. She just could not, would not, show her body completely to anyone but Betty now. If only Betty had time to look, she silently lamented.
Her mind went blank as James slid into her. His mind was not afforded many thoughts either at the moment, except proving to himself that he was not an old man. He hoped that would chase away his depression for good, even though it had not done that yet. Vivian almost clung to him, but pulled back. She did not want to press against him because he was not Betty. He would rather that she was not close to him since she was not his precious Ann. By the end of it, they could only tell themselves that it was all just a phase and they would soon be out of it. The midlife crisis would pass and one day Betty would be there for her entirely. They just had to wait it out together until that day came and then they could stop playing their game.
Next time: Monique and Felix can’t seem to get their act together.