Cognitive Dissonance

Chapter 5


King in Yellow

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TITLE: Topsy-Turvy

AUTHOR: King in Yellow

DISCLAIMER: The various characters from the Kim Possible series are all owned by Disney. Any and all registered trade names property of their respective owners. Cheap shots at celebrities constitute fair usage.

SUMMARY: Sequel to Best Enemies.

TYPE: Kim/Shego, Slash

RATING: US: R / DE: 16

Note: Snippets taken freely from Gilbert and Sullivan operettas since copyrights have expired. Deviantartist fortheloveofpizza envisioned Shego's father a music teacher. Other details are mine - although we found ourselves in agreement on a number of points.

Words: 3677

Three little maids from school are we
Pert as a school-girl well can be
Filled to the brim with girlish glee
Three little maids from school

“So, our month is up tomorrow,” Kim spoke into the phone. “Do you want to come see my dorm room?”

“Sure, then we can go out for a cup of coffee or something.”

“Something sounds really good. REALLY good. When can you be here?”

“How does 9:30 sound?”

“9:00 would be better”

“I could be there at 8:30.”

“8:00 it is.”

“Really, Kim, I have work to do. I can't possibly be there before 7:30.”

“Okay, I'll expect you at 7:00.”

To Bonnie's relief Kim actually did a little straightening before Shego was expected. Bonnie hated to have anyone, even Kim's friends, think they lived in a dump. Bonnie planned on heading to the library before ‘Kim's friend’ arrived, but a knock on the door came at 6:30.

Kim threw open the door, and collapsed on the floor laughing. Bonnie stared at the two. Kim had dressed up for an evening out at a fancy restaurant. The woman standing in the doorway, could that be a famous criminal, was dressed in baggy jeans with a t-shirt that had a big yellow arrow pointing left and the words ‘I'm with stupid’ written on it.

“You two really need to coordinate your plans before you pick wardrobe,” Bonnie sneered.

“I'm sorry, Kim,” Shego apologized, “I just wanted you to take me around the campus -- show me some of the places you've been telling me about. I thought I'd draw less attention if I was really casual.”

“You have transcended casual and reached slob,” was Bonnie's thought.

“I'll change… Oh, first, introductions. Shego, this is Bonnie Rockwaller, we hate each other. Bonnie, this is Shego, we love each other.”

Shego sat at Kim's desk while Kim changed into something more casual. Shego smiled and enjoyed the show as Kim changed without embarrassment. Had the green woman looked at Bonnie she'd have seen a look of disgust at Kim's behavior. But Shego saw no need to look at Bonnie -- although her face seemed vaguely familiar. Without looking away from Kim, Shego asked, “Are you that Bonnie who sings karaoke at Nathan's?”

Bonnie stared at Shego, “You're the woman who sits with Blue Man Solo, aren't you?”

“Only when I can't figure out a way to avoid it. You've got a nice set of pipes.”

Bonnie also had a concern she had to express, “Didn't security try to stop you or anything?”

“Security? You mean that guy on the desk downstairs? I just came in with a bunch of girls and he didn't even look at us. Looks like all the exit doors would be easy to open too.” Shego stared at the window casing, “And for that matter, I'll bet I could squeeze in through that window and avoid the door completely if I wanted.”

None of which made Bonnie feel any better.

Kim finished pulling on a t-shirt. “So, what do you want to see?”

“Really just you. But I guess you should show me around -- Union, library, class-rooms--”

“Class-room buildings are locked.”

“Not to me. Then I thought we might stop for coffee and head to… Was it the Green where you said people make out on the benches?”

“Oh, yeah, it's shameless.”

“Should we conduct a field study on moral turpitude within the campus environment?”

“Can you tell me what you just said?”

“Oh, I can do better than that Princess, I can show you.”

“Don't wait up for me Bonnie. Shego is going to expand my vocabulary.”

Bonnie wanted to say something very rude, but not to a woman who said she could enter unseen through their window.

A few days later Kim found a salmon-colored note in her dorm mailbox, “See faculty advisor.”

“It has been almost two months since you and Shego were observed at C2K.” Dr. Kemal began, “I had hoped you had stopped seeing each other.”

“I'm sorry… Should I call you Mustapha or Dr. Kemal?”

“You may call me either -- which is a privilege I do not usually extend to undergrads.”

“I'm sorry… No, I'm not sorry. Shego and I are in love.”

“Does Global Justice need to send in another surveillance team?”

“I doubt if we'll have quite as consistent a pattern as we did last summer. Would you like an inside report for everything we say about Global Justice or Drakken's plans to take over the world?”

“You would do that?”

“Only because we never talk about that. We arrived about 8:30 last night. We left before 10:00. I told her about my classes. I won't tell you what we did before or after. Neither Drakken nor Global Justice was mentioned. That's what my reports would look like. I won't tell you in advance when we will be there.”

“Very well. I will not ask Global Justice for surveillance at this time. You will tell me if she asks about Global Justice. Remember Kim, I do not trust her. Please do not give me any reason to doubt you.”

The first time Bonnie opened the door to find Shego sitting in the room she screamed.

The RA came running, “Rockwaller, what's wrong?”

“There's--” There was no one in the room. Bonnie did not want to sound like a mental case. Maybe she had imagined Shego being there. “There was a really big spider.”

“It's just a spider, keep it down.”

Her heart still racing Bonnie looked in the room again. Empty. She went in and closed the door, turning the lock.

“Sorry Bonnie, didn't mean to frighten you. Fast thinking with the spider.”

Bonnie was far too frightened to make a sound. She sat down at her desk and wondered how Shego would kill her.

“Kim said she was going to be here,” the pale woman said by way of apology. “I don't like hanging around in the halls so I let myself in.”

“Did Kim give you a key?”

“No. Why would I need a key?

There was no doubt in Bonnie's mind. Kim had screwed her again.

Kim's punctuality problems caused Bonnie to find Shego waiting in her room far more than she liked. But it brought a certain acceptance. If Bonnie opened the door and found Shego, feet up, reading Kim's Western Civ. text she no longer panicked.

“Are you taking Western Civ?”

“Yeah, but not the same section as Kim.”

“Where are you in your text book?”

“Chapter six, why?”

“Because Kim doesn't have any high-lights in her text after chapter three.”

Bonnie shrugged, “Different professors pace themselves differently.”

A few days later Bonnie actually found Shego organizing Kim's desk while she waited. “How does Kim get any work done in this mess?”

“It must come easy for her, I don't see her work.”

Bonnie really wished Kim and Shego could take their cuddle time out of the room. But it was raining too hard for the Green to be an option and spots like the lounge or coffee house too public for discretion -- Bonnie still preferred that her dorm mate's sexual preferences not be a matter of public gossip. Kim really wished Bonnie would go to the lounge to study -- but the piles of open books spread across her desk and the floor around it showed Bonnie was hard at work on an English Lit. paper and transporting all the volumes would have been a problem.

Kim and Shego sat cross-legged on the top bunk, Kim's bed, eating popcorn and talking quietly enough that it was clear they weren't trying to annoy Bonnie. But when Bonnie tried to concentrate she found any background noise annoying.

“Shego, want a soda?”


“Then will you get me a Diet Coke when you're getting yours out of the fridge?” Kim giggled.

Shego grinned, “Oh, you're getting sneaky. I think that's sexy.”

She leaned over for a kiss, but Kim pushed her away, “I thought you were going to get cokes for us.” Shego feigned a look of disgust and crawled off the bunk.

As she took the cans out of the fridge she noticed a musical score on the shelves over Kim's desk, “Is Middleton U. doing The Mikado?”

Bonnie looked up, “Hey, that's mine!”

“Do you have a part?”

“Yeah, a character named Yum-Yum. Do you know it?”

Shego laughed. “You were meant for the role. I'm going to love hearing you sing ‘The Sun Whose Rays,'” and to Kim's embarrassment she burst into song,

“Three little maids from school are we--”

And Bonnie joined in,

“Pert as a schoolgirl well can be,
Filled to the brim with girlish glee,
Three little maids from school!”

Shego turned to Kim, “Come on Peep-Bo, join in!”

Kim stared as if Shego had grown a second head.

Shego turned back to Bonnie, “I have a song to sing, O!'”

“'Sing me your song, O!’ Yeomen.‘How beautifully blue the sky.'”

“'The glass is rising very high.’ Pirates. ‘When everyone is somebodee,'”

“'Then no one's anybody!’ Gondoliers.‘But I soon got tired of third-class journeys

and dinners of bread and water.'”

“'So I fell in love with a rich attorney's

Elderly, ugly daughter.’ Trial by Jury.‘Take my advice when deep in debt,'”


“'Set up a bank and play roulette!’ Grand Duke, your turn.”

“'You hold yourself like this,

You hold yourself like that,'”

“'By hook and crook you try to look both angular and flat.’ Patience. Don't test my Patience, Bonnie, I must have been in the chorus for a hundred performances.”

“When was that?”

“London, Savoy Theater, eighty-one and eighty-two.”

“You're not that old.”

“Oh, I don't mean nineteen eighty-one and eighty-two -- it was eighteen eighty-one and eighty-two


“An early adventure with Drakken. He was convinced that Victorian England was the place to start the take-over of the world. He had this time machine… He was going to wow them with modern technology. Only we got back then and they didn't have the tools to build our modern marvels. They didn't even have enough electricity to run his time machine. He had to build a better steam-powered generator and invent technology to get us home. Victorian England is no place for a woman with her own opinions.”

After Shego left Kim complained, “Why were you in here? You said you'd go to the lounge if I had company. If you have some boy in the room do you want me in here flirting with him?”

“Why was I in here? It's my room! Remember, I was here first. Flirting? Is that what you think I was doing? Shego started it. We love to find other Gilbert and Sullivan fans. Oh, God, you thought I was coming on to your girlfriend. You were jealous, admit it.”

“Well, maybe a little.”

“Maybe a lot. Kim Possible, jealous of me. Oh, that feels good. Seriously though, I'm starting to like her. I won't complain to the dorm director the way I planned if the two of you can keep it within reason.”

Kim's punctuality problems continued. “Maybe I could buy Kim a watch,” Shego mused one day.

“She doesn't need a watch, she needs to know how to tell time,” Bonnie responded. “Hey, the other night… How do you know Gilbert and Sullivan? If I believe your story, did you learn it after you got back? I know their stuff because I'm a theater major.”

“My dad teaches music. I grew up with their operettas -- and a lot of other music. My iPod is mostly Hip-hop, but I like a lot of different stuff. The hard part in eighteen eighty-one was not telling Sir Arthur and Mr. Gilbert how much I loved Iolanthe -- since they hadn't written it yet.”

They were trying to remember all the words to the nightmare song when the sound of a key in the lock announced that Kim was finally back.

“Sorry, Shego, guess who I ran into?”

Shego caught sight of a black woman behind Kim in the doorway, “Monique!” To both Bonnie and Monique's surprise the pale thief jumped up and gave Mon a hug.

“Been too long. Come on, I'm taking you and Kim to the coffee shop the way I promised two months ago.”

“Hey, Bonnie, want to come with us?” Shego asked.

Monique and Kim stared at Shego, what was she doing? Bonnie hesitated, then answered “Sure.”

Tension began to mount shortly after all four got their orders and sat down in a booth at C2K. “The way I understand it is that you two are going to hop in bed together in a about a month--”

Since Shego was the only person speaking to Bonnie, “Not exactly. We promised we would wait at least that long--”

“Hold on, and this is because you promised Kim's parents to wait?”


“Damn, this is one sick version of that old psychic joke.”

Kim couldn't resist, “What joke?”

“Why do men think women are psychic?”

“I don't know. Why?”

“Because we know in advance when they are going to get laid. So, do your parents have a big red circle marking the day on the calendar?”

“You're not funny Bonnie. Say, did you really sleep with every guy on the football team like they say? I always figured--”

“You shut up. I had sex with Brick a few times… That was it.”

“And all those stories?”

“Yeah, like all those stories about you and Stoppable. Or the people who think you're straight.”

Shego offered Bonnie some sympathy, “Sounds like your first time wasn't very happy either.”

“We were fighting… I didn't want to lose him, it makes you look good to be out with the captain of the football team… God, I was stupid. And it pretty much screwed up my reputation for my Senior year. You say your first wasn't any good either?”

“No. I can drop it.”

Jealousy drove Kim to continue the conversation, “What happened, Shego?”

“I was just sixteen, a crime-fighter doing patrol without my brothers. He said his name was André -- I never found out if that was real or not. I caught him. He was a lousy thief, but a smooth talker. I let him go… The third time I caught him he took me back to his place… I was the stupid one Bonnie, I was a kid, he took advantage of me. That's what Kim's parents are worried about.”

“So, you never saw him again?” Kim asked hopefully.

“Oh, I was with him again. I ran into him a couple years later, after Team Go broke up. We both imagined we were great thieves. It was our summer of crime spree across Europe. We would meet back in Paris and see who had stolen things from the greatest number of countries. Little crimes, mostly shop-lifting, but we were going to move up to bigger stuff. We were going to be a team.”

Jealousy burned in Kim's veins, “What happened to him?”

“He's dead. Shot during a nothing crime in some Balkan nowhere. I cried for a week when it happened. Now I sometimes feel guilty because sometimes I'm glad he's dead.”

“Somebody must have had a good time. How about you, Monique? I've seen you out with Jamal. Is it true what they say about men with big feet?”

“You've got a nasty mouth, Bonnie. I'm saving myself for my wedding night. I want whoever I marry to be the first and only. And Jamal is history -- he says he won't wait.”

“Ooh, and you'd like your husband to be a virgin too? So on your wedding night neither of you would know what to do?”

“Learning together sounds like more fun than using sex to try and keep a guy you only want for his looks and who ruins your reputation.”

“Good luck finding a Boy Scout who shares your values.”

Actually, Kim was thinking of a couple boy scouts, but not sure how to set up a date between one of them and Monique. “Monique, does it bother you that Shego and I are talking about a physical relationship?”

“Some, but it's not like the two of you can wait until you're married. And I'm also a big believer in the verse about, ‘Judge not…'”

Kim and Shego argued briefly outside the dorm before Kim went in. “What in the world were you doing asking Bonnie to go along with us?”

“Because it's bad luck for three women to be out together.”


“Don't you know, if three women are out together you can figure one is the smart one, one is the pretty one, and one is the slut. Four throws off the math.”

“Well, we know which one is the slut.”

“Come on Kim, she is your dorm mate.”

“We hate each other.”

“She said you were jealous.”

“She told you that?

“I think she's lonely.”

“Then let her find her own friends. I don't want her stealing mine.”

“You really think she could steal me? Are you that insecure?

“I think she's lonely. I have a lot of sympathy for lonely people -- been there, done that.”

Kim blamed Bonnie for the argument with Shego. “I'm going to get you for that, Rockwaller.”

“Kim, can I borrow the keys to Herbie? I need to move some stuff and one hovercraft is down and Drakken has the other one.”

“Here. Hey, do you know how to drive a stick?”

“Hey, Princess, do you know how to breathe?”

Twenty minutes later Wade contacted her.

“What's the sitch?”

“Sorry Kim, a report of Shego taking something from a Radio Shack -- the one a couple blocks east of your campus.”

“Damn!” Kim cursed as she took off running -- she'd even loaned Shego her car for the heist.

Kim arrived at the Radio Shack with a stitch in her side and blood in her eye. Shego had the passenger door open and three boxes still sitting on the sidewalk. “What in the hell do you think you're doing! You're making me an accessory to a crime!”

“Sorry Kim, but I really don't feel like fighting today--”

“Then what are you doing stealing electronics?”

“Last time I checked legal purchases didn't constitute theft.”

“Legal purchases?”

“I told you. I didn't feel like fighting today, and Drakken really wanted this stuff. I got the money out of petty cash. Want to see the receipt? Can you help me pack this in the car? This box has some delicate parts.”

Two of the boxes just fit into the back with the others. “You got any classes scheduled in the next couple hours?”


“Come with me. Hold this box on your lap so nothing gets damaged.”

“You're inviting me back to your lair?”

“Sure, I'll have to blindfold you so you don't know the exact route. It'll be fun -- wait until you see what Drakken with the color scheme -- mauve and teal. By the way, you really need to clean out this car -- but at least it should be easy to find something to use for a blindfold.”

Shego limited herself to stealing one kiss before letting Kim take the blindfold off. A very long kiss.

“Now, help me unload, then I'll buy you lunch.”

The boxes were out of Herbie when Shego heard a noise. “Damn, Drakken's back Princess. He usually stays at his mom's place all afternoon. Act hypnotized.”

“How do you act hypnotized?”

“Fake it,” Shego hissed.

Drakken froze at the sight of the red-haired woman. “Shego! That's Kim Possible!”

Shego glanced over, “It is, isn't it. Got to hand it to you Dr. D., your hypno-ray worked perfectly.”

“My hypno-ray?”

“Sure, you remember, I found the prototype back in the parts room. Really great invention.”

“Uh, yes. Well, I'm a genius. Er, what are you going to do with her?”

“I'm thinking that after she helps me unload I'll got leave her in the desert somewhere.”

“Oh, good thinking Shego, carry on. Oh, where did you leave the hypno-ray?”

“It's… in the hovercraft.”

Kim started giggling almost as soon as Drakken was out of the room. “Hypno-ray? In the hovercraft?

“Knock it off Kim, at some point he may also remember there isn't a desert in six hundred miles.”

Once safely away from the lair Shego parked and let Kim take off the blindfold and take over the wheel.

“You haven't told Drakken yet, have you?” Kim demanded.

“Well, no.”

“Afraid? Come on, Ron and my family know.”

“I don't know how to break it to him.”

“You don't know how to break it to him? What's the problem? You had a great chance last week -- how did you explain that bruise on your neck?”

“I, uh, told him it was a training accident?”

“TRAINING ACCIDENT! Is that what you call what we were doing in the balcony at the Orpheum? I had to wear a turtleneck to classes!”

“Please, Kim, I'm not sure how he'll take it.”

“I don't know how my folks are taking it -- but we told them.”

“Your folks are doing great.”

“No they're not. You've never seen them doing great.”

“When we're there for Sunday dinner?”

“They're trying hard, but I can tell they're upset. But no… Let's spare Drakken's feelings -- maybe we'll break up so you'll never have to tell him the awful truth.”

“I wish you weren't living with the drama queen. Are you teasing me or serious?”

“Yes. And you are taking me to the Astor for lunch to make it up to me.”

Two very nice, and over-priced, steaks later Kim headed back to campus, with a final warning for Shego. “Drakken is going to suspect something. When I was at your lair I used the little villain's room. I made a big heart on the mirror with lipstick, and inside I wrote, ‘Shego + K.P. xxx.'”

“You didn't! You're teasing me, right? Don't do this to me!”

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