“Eww. My boyfriend says girls have cooties” Ron teased.
Sara chuckled at that. Suddenly, it didn't seem necessary to say something sarcastic all the time.
“Shut up, Ron” would do.
A cargo transport! Of all the freakin’ things… a Hercules cargo transport! Kim was almost insulted, until Dr. Director explained that – due to the nature of various conflicts – everything else was either taken or waiting for some special purpose. It was going to take eight HOURS to get to Venezuela! On an aircraft with no windows, no food or drink, no sound-isolation, and NO HEAT! DAMN she was cold! The thin blankets provided were doing next to nothing to warm her up.
Sheaghen didn't seem to mind. Damn synths. Probably had her own… hey…
“Uh… Sheaghen?” Kim had to shout to be heard, “Are you… do you make your own heat?”
“Yeah. Internal temperature control. My ‘goo’ has to be kept around 100 F to remain liquified.”
So she would be warm. The thought of being under a blanket with… with her… to share her body heat… well… And she looked and acted just like Shego, if somewhat more “perky”. And Kim liked her, too. Liked her in a different way than she “liked” Shego. Sheaghen was kind of fun to be around, infectious, almost. No, not almost: her sly, sardonic “perkiness” WAS infectious…
Kim thought about how to phrase this.
“Well, my internal temperature control can't keep up with this cold. Could I, uh…” Kim grappled with the words.
But she hadn't needed to finish anyway, because Sheaghen was already unwrapping Kim's three blankets and sliding over next to her. Once there, the synth re-wrapped them both in the blankets, forming a hood over Kim's head with one of them. Sheaghen wasn't trying anything embarassing, either, to Kim's surprise, but sat there bolt-upright, arms at her sides, apparently un-concerned with the physical closeness.
“Thanks” Kim said.
“De nada” replied Sheaghen, without looking at her.
But Sheaghen's mind was not unconcerned. Rather, she was trying desperately to deal with the surplus of input her processors seemed to be gathering. For some reason, touching the red-haired human was saturating her physical sensors, their input being assigned a higher priority than necessary. Way higher than necessary…
It felt good. She felt good, the human girl… the meat-bag. Why should that be? I don't understand this at ALL… I don't get it,Sheaghen thought. I just don't get it! Her touch-sensors were being over-loaded in exactly the same way as her optical processors had been when she'd seen Kim blush. Well, not exactly the same way, because the two sensors were radically different in every way… but the way the input was being processed… was the same. Somehow. She thought again, I don't get it.
“Uhm, Sheaghen? Would you do me a favor?” Kim asked, still shivering.
“Sure, Princess.”
“Could you turn your heat up? And… would you put your arm around me and NOT say anything about it?” Kim asked. She didn't even mind the “Princess”… Shego had been away nine days; a fake was better than nothing. Besides, she was so cold…
“Sure” Sheaghen said flatly, and as she did so, Kim could feel a faint vibration run through the synth's whole body, starting with the arm that embraced her, and continuing down her torso and legs, all of which were in contact with Kim's own.
A human would have swallowed hard - “gulped”, but Sheaghen's motor-control fibers vibrated instead. Sheaghen felt glad that Kim wouldn't know this.
Why should I care? What… what's going on here? Maybe I should shut my personality simulator off… maybe these are Shego's reactions, and I'm just along for the ride…But she didn't really consider them “Shego's reactions” anymore, they were her own. And while she technically could shut off her personality-simulator, she didn't want to. Because she knew what it was like to be without one, and once she shut it off, she might never “want” - a word that wouldn't even apply anymore – to turn it back on. Unless someone could convince her that it would be the logical thing to do. Cold, hard, dry Logic. That was no way to live!
Sheaghen turned herself up to 110F. Ten minutes later, Kim suggested they assume what had become the standard movie-watching positions for Kim and Shego (The green one at the end of the bench, legs stretched out along it, and the red-head between those legs, head between her breasts), Kim fell asleep.
I still don't get it, Sheaghen thought. But I don't care. I like it.
Over Suriname, only an hour from landing, and Sara became aware that she was… aroused? No, no, that didn't make sense… she wasn't even thinking anything, what with keeping an eye on the fuel situation (after-burners sucked fuel up incredibly fast), checking in with various towers she passed, and, well, keeping an eye out for more bogies… how could she be getting horny? But she was certainly feeling… warm, down there…Oh. Yeah. Of course.
“Ron? Are you playing with my suit again?”
“Maybe… Why?” Ron tried to sound innocent and evil at the same time.
“Because if you're doing what I think you're doing…”
“Yeah?”
“Uh, good job” she decided, “Thanks.”
“… you're welcome” he replied, flustered and stalling for time to think of something sarcastic. Thanks? Huh?
“Still won't get you out of that kiss though, pretty-boy.”
“Pretty-boy?”
Sara giggled the rest of the way in.
Sara took off her G-suit in the locker-room and showered, since there were facilities available. She'd been wearing the same outfit Ron had found her in for over 20 hours, and under the sweaty G-suit, as well. She threw them away. Hello, expense-report! she thought to herself with a smile. After the shower, and cursing herself for not bringing her own hair-care products, she toweled-off and put on her black-and-green (and red) body-suit. This marked the first time she'd actually worn it since she'd received them. There just hadn't been time, or oppurtunity, or cause, before.
While she'd given up the name “Shego”, she was not going to give up the suit. Unlike the name, the suit's design was her idea. Looking at herself in the mirror, checking out the little swath of redness over her left breast, she felt a pang of regret. She remembered how she'd felt when she'd re-designed the suit to include the new color. She didn't feel the same, now.
She met Ron back in the hangar.
“Was just talking to Wade,” he said, “he says Josh is still in the air bound for Sea-Tac, won't even be there for another 6 hours. Meanwhile, he says the Director will want to talk to you when we get back, but that it can wait.” He finally looked up at her after clapping his Communicator shut. “Whoa!”
Normally, she would have said something smart, seeing Ron's reaction to her in her suit. But all the smart phrases suddenly seemed insipid to her.
“Yeah. Haven't worn it in awhile… actually feels good to be back in it for a change. Perfect for this kind of weather – uh, okay, Ron, what're you staring… I thought you preferred guys, anyway?” Ron was grinning at her in a way she didn't understand. Or mis-understood, whichever.
“Sorry. It's just… I didn't realize how you'd filled-out since… well, I like to think ‘since I've been feeding you’. Kinda… makes me proud, is all. And nice change to the suit” he winked at her. Then he thought of something else: “Oh, and I'm bisexual, but even so, you know that kiss was just… sick and wrong. I dunno how, it just was.” It was true; the kiss Sara had given him as soon as they had their helments off – “tongue and everything” – was just wrong. They both knew it.
Words failed her. He was taking credit for her body? What kind of screwed up… well, it did make a kind of sense, if you looked at it sideways enough. She decided to let it go. After all, if she didn't, he might stop feeding her, and she didn't want that…
Ron went on, “Oh, and Wade says Kim's on her way, as of last night. Should be here…” he checked his watch, “actually, should be here now…”
Two dark, but obviously feminine, figures appeared in the sunlit hangar door. From the darkened back of the building, it was impossible to make them out, but a shiver ran through Sara when she saw them. She didn't need to see anything but the walk. Neither did Ron.
Ron knew there was about to be a hard scene, so he tried to give Sara some space.
“Uh, Sara? I gotta go check -”
“You leave me to face her alone, Ron, and I swear to GOD I will never speak to you again.” Sara wasn't even looking at him when she'd said it.
Uneasily, Ron said, “Uh… okay…” Ron had heard that tone in her voice before, a long time ago, when she was much skinnier. Sara – Shego – was scared to death.
They began walking towards the figures, who were in turn, walking towards them. Soon, one of the shadows against the sunlight broke into a run, arms out. Had it been in slow-motion, and with violins playing, it could have been a bad movie. Sara just stopped and waited.
Kim threw her arms around Sara, burying her face in the massive fall of jet-black hair. She didn't say anything.
She didn't have to.
For Kim it was a simple feeling: she missed Shego. The force of her hug showed how much. That was all there was to it.
And Sara could feel that simplicity, that lack of reserve, that honesty. And every bit of it made her feel worse. This is the last time it will feel this way. The last time she will be able to feel like this towards me. The last time I'll be able to let her. Sara tried to enjoy it while she could, knowing it wouldn't happen again - ever - but in the end, she couldn't lie to Kim. Even if the lie was only by omission. Sara's arms did not wrap around Kim. Her face did not turn to be buried in the red-orange hair, to inhale her fragrance. Sara stood there like a statue. Then, her breath began to catch as she started to cry. Kim pulled back.
“Shego?”
Sara looked into her eyes – a mistake, in this context, because in them she could see everything she herself was thinking, but all at once, instead of spread out over a chain of seperate thoughts. She couldn't stand it. She shot a glance at Ron, then turned and ran back towards the locker-room.
“Shego?” Kim asked louder, not understanding her lover's sudden panic.
“Shego! Wait! What's -” she began to run after her, but felt a hand on her shoulder.
“Let her go, Kim. She'll be alright. She… uh… I mean, ‘we’ need to talk.” He hoped the calm in his voice would do the trick.
It didn't.
Kim tore free of his hand and began to run, but Ron soon tackled her from behind, the two of them nearly ending up on the cement floor.
“Ron! Let go of me! LET GO!” Kim was just about to let her hands and feet fly. Something was wrong with Shego. He was keeping her away. Just like when Kim had thought Ron was “damaged” - that she'd turned him into a homosexual – the thought that something was wrong with Shego was fixated in her mind, and nothing would stop her until she found out what it was.
“KIM! Wait a minute! She… she had sex with another woman! I… give me a chance to tell you…! Geez, KP!” Ron was saying as he barely avoided a knee, an elbow, another knee…
Then it all came to a stop. “She – she what?” Was this some kind of trick?
“She, uh… Kim, it's a long story. She was used by Lee again. Only this time, he exploited a different weakness. C'mon. Walk with me?”
Stunned enough that she was unable to think, she allowed Ron to lead her out of the hangar. Ron explained about Ko, about how Shego had felt before Ko, and after. He didn't go into the explicit detail that Shego had, but he got the point across. All the while, the teenage girl remained silent.
Finally, Ron stopped talking. He looked out over the sun-drenched tarmac and waited for Kim to react.
“She had big boobs, didn't she…” Kim said.
Which was not exactly what Ron had been expecting. “Uh… 42-D? I think that's what she said… is that -”
“Yeah, that figures. Shego does like boobs… Shit.”
Hearing Kim Possible say “shit” shook Ron. It just wasn't done. It would be like hearing Sara say “please”. Which, come to think of it…
“KP, you can't possibly think the size of your boobs has any -” he began, but was cut off by a sharp glare from the red-head.
“Oh! Of course not! Of course you're right, Ron… after all, you've been a Lesbian for how long now!” Kim was beyond angry with a mix of emotions boiling and churning inside her. Ron was a convient target.
“Shutting up” Ron said.
“Good! Keep it that way!” she replied too loudly.
They stood in silence.
Ron knew he shouldn't be saying this, but couldn't stop himself, “So, I take it ‘42-D’ is, uh -”
“You're looking at a 34-B, Ron. Yeah. That's big” Kim said with resignation. She was hanging her head, now, maybe looking at her own breasts, or maybe just looking nowhere. Eventually she added, “Sorry I snapped like that. You don't know… And anyway, how could she…?”
Ron had an idea. “What did you give up, Kim, to be with her?”
She looked up at him as if he'd just said the most non-sensical thing she'd ever heard.
“Huh?”
“What did you give up, for her? Did you have to give up being a world-saver? A hero?”
Rather than just answer, she thought about it. It was a tactic she was beginning to learn from both Ron and Josh… if you didn't think about your answer beforehand, you'd probably have to think about it later. No, she hadn't had to give up her “career”. Shego, of course, had.
“I get your point… but that -”
“What about money? She cost you anything? A car, a house… any thing you value?”
Shego had given hundreds of millions to the GJ as part of her “parole”. Everything she had, actually.
“All right, Ron! I get it! But I still -”
“And you know what, KP? She didn't even mind, did she? Did she ever complain about living in a cheesey apartment full of rented – or borrowed – furniture? Not even having a car? Let alone a LearJet? Did she seem to care?”
Kim thought some more. “No, she didn't. Not that I could tell…”
“Right. She didn't even care, KP! As long as you were around, she was happy. She probably never even thought about what she'd given up. Because you were there. She did it for you, and she had what was really important to her. You.”
“Well, then why -”
“Because, suddenly, you weren't there, Kim! This was her first mission, her first time - since you'd gotten together - that she'd been away from you. And it all came back on her. Having to work for a living: doing a boring, menial job that was way beneath her, just to earn money. And money for what? A rented apartment. Having to save up to buy a car. Forget about a Lotus. Think “Neon”. And why was she doing it? Where was the reward?” Ron was getting a peek into the mind of the Devil, and he was rightly impressed. One insignificant mission, with global consequences. Genius.
He paused as the train of thought formed new junctions in his head. “I almost have to admire Lee: he knows when people are weakest, and he knows their weaknesses. He traded her everything she was missing – and when she would miss it most - for that one little mission. Genius…”
Kim began to breathe deeply. Ron was right. All Shego had needed, or really wanted, was her, and then she wasn't there. Small wonder she'd been… distracted. And Lee – Lee did know Shego, knew her weaknesses, knew that she wouldn't be able to resist…
Kim ran back into the hanger as fast as she could, into the hallway in the back, and found the locker room at the end. Shego – who had been hiding in a stall – had come out to face her when she'd finally heard the fast-paced footsteps. Apparently, she would have to do this alone, after all.
Kim stopped two feet in front of Shego. Panting, she just looked at her. Up and down, in the eyes, at the hair, at the suit… at the new red swatch on her chest…
“He… told you?” Sara was barely able to whisper.
Kim didn't respond, even with a nod. She just looked back into her eyes, and slowly raised her hands to Sara's shoulders. This time Sara responded in kind, and they drew slowly together, as if testing the waters for fear they might be too cold.
They weren't.