“I thought you 'couldn't think of me that way'… And besides, turns out I'm a lesbian. What's the problem?” Odd. She could actually joke about it – as long as it was with him. What kind of twisted deal was that? What was this weird power Ron had to make her feel better – about anything? Suddenly, she saw Ron in a new light – and understood that “Best Friends for Life” wasn't a step down from “Lovers”. It was only different.
Kim told Ron – after putting her clothes back on – everything she knew about the dream-memories she'd had of the other world. Her nightmare-like frustration when the Jeep broke down on her as she trying to get back to Shego. Putting his picture away as she prepared to go on a long trip with Shego. The strange memory of preparing herself for sex – because she was supposed to – with Shego. Proposing to and then marrying Shego. Shego and the wild dogs, and the sense of trust she felt as she'd calmed her down. It should have been an embarrassing monologue. If she'd been telling anyone else, it would have been.
She also told him what Shego had said about her dreams – looking for Kim in the remains of St. Louis, trapping herself in fire as she proceeded to burn down Colorado Springs for reasons she didn't care to admit, removing Kim's appendix, and lastly the rescue it self, using the Beacon that Kim had somehow built.
She waited for Ron's reaction.
“That, uh… that explains a lot…” he said.
Kim waited some more.
“So… You married… You loved her?” he asked.
Fighting the urge to equivocate, to rationalize, Kim just admitted what she knew to be the truth: “Yeah. Yeah, I did. Kinna hard to believe, huh?”
“Not really. I've always thought there was something strange about Shego…”
“You mean you could tell she was gay? Even before-”
“No, I don't mean that, KP. I never would have guessed that she… what I meant was, it always seemed to me like… I dunno… like she coulda been cool if only she weren't so pissed-off all the time.”
“Oh. Yeah. She is. She can be, I mean.”
The change of tenses did not escape Ron's notice, “Do you… love her now? Are you guys… uh… a couple?”
He'd cut to the heart of the matter in the space of three questions. Somewhere inside, Kim had known that he would. Perhaps that was why she'd told him everything in the first place- to get her own mind clear on things. But the question “are you a couple” - was impossible to answer, so Kim didn't. She stared off at the now blank screen of the tv, her mind a blank, waiting for him to perhaps break that question down into bite-size chunks she could deal with.
Taking her silence the wrong way, Ron said, “Sorry. None of my business. I shouldn't have-”
“It's not that,” Kim said, still not facing him, “It's just… I'm… I don't know what we are now.”
“Oh. So… you don't mind, uh, talking about it?”
“I need to talk about it, Ron. And you're the only person I can talk to like this. About this.”
That took the pressure – and awkwardness – off his shoulders. “Okay, well… KP, do you want to be… a couple?”
“Y – yes. At least… I think so. I mean… it's not like it was. I feel – I mean I rememberfeeling -” Kim broke off the sentence and took a deep breath, “I… I just wish we could be… uh…”
“You wish it could be like it was” he offered.
Kim let out her breath, “Exactly. That's exactly right, Ron… I wish it could be like it was. Thing is… I sorta have this problem. Even in that other world, I did. I don't… know how to deal with people knowing that I… that I'm…”
“… gay…”
“God. I can't even say it.”
“Yeah, that'd be hard, I guess. 'Specially for you, being a hero an' all. If it was me, people would go 'Ron who?', but they all know you. That's gotta be tough.”
He understood? He understood! It wasn't just her! Oh, thank god, SOMEONE understands! Tears threatened to well up in her eyes.
“So wow, twenty-one years… that'd make you…”
“Thirty-seven.”
“Wow. And you were married for, uh…”
“Eleven years.”
“Wow” he said yet again, “But you don't remember ever… and you've never actually… y'know…”
So much for the threat of tears. Back to embarrassing blushing.
“No. No memories yet where we did anything. Uhm… but actually…” Kim stalled – was she really going to tell him about Shego and her and cheerleader practice? That she was no longer a virgin? On the other hand… if not Ron, then who? “Uh… last week? At cheer practice… I went to the restroom, remember?”
“Yeah…” Ron said, not making any connection.
“Well… Shego came in while I was there. She'd been spying on me.”
“Yeah?”
Kim looked at him and frowned. Why was it he would “get” some things without having them spelled out, but not others? Gyah… “We… sort of did it.”
It still took a while for Ron to figure it out. The bathroom? Shego was there? Sort of did it? Oh… Oh! OH!Wait…
“Sort of?”
“Ron…”
“Oh yeah. Sorry. I just…” Ron took another moment to work out what exactly a girl might mean by “did it” with another girl. It was kind of a whole new set of terminology. But whatever the details, it didn't really matter. Kim had considered it as “did it”. So apparently it had been “done”. Whatever “it” was.
“Wow.”
“You keep saying that…”
“Sorry.”
“And that.”
“Sorry. Uh… Wow.”
Kim rolled her eyes – this is about what she'd thought this conversation would be like. “Ron? This is all top-secret, right? You won't tell anyone. ANYone, right?”
“Of course not, KP! Jeez.”
“I'm serious… not Dr. Director, not anyone…”
“Not…? Yeah. Yeah, Kim. Not even her. Scout's honor.” That would have sounded cliché coming from anyone else.
There was one more thing, a stupid thing, but Kim had to find out - “Hey Ron? School starts next week. I… I gotta ask ya something. You gotta tell me the truth, okay? And try not to laugh.”
“I promise not to laugh, Kim…”
“Good. Uh… it's just that… I feel kinna weird… y'know, around the girls. Uhm… it doesn't show, does it?”
“That you feel weird around the girls? No, KP. Why-”
“That I'm a lesbian, you dork!”
Apparently Kim could use the “l-word' under some circumstances but not others. “Oh. Uh, noooooo… How would it show?”
“Oh fer – how should I know? It just feels like it does, is all.”
“Nothing shows, Kim. So… it's gonna be a secret then?”
“SO the secret. For now, anyway. I just need time, okay?”
“Okay. Uhm… just one more question?”
Kim saw it coming, Please please please God don't ask me what it was like…
“Ya got anything to eat? I'm starving!”
That afternoon, Will asked Shego to gather her things for a move. “Her things” consisted of a box of books – and Will carried it.
“Here we are: you're going to be staying in the HLS wing from now on” Will said.
Shego looked at him askance, not quite believing what she'd heard - “'Scuze me? 'HLS' wing?”
“'Habitation: Long-term, Secure'. Your… cell, is right here. 404.”
She stood in the doorway and surveyed her surroundings – basically a studio apartment sans kitchenette – with a barred window – and a lock on the outside of the reinforced steel door. Furnished in what might be called Government Issue. “Doy… Homey. Reminds me of my parent's basement” she commented dryly.
“Well… you're allowed to fix it up” Will said.
“Yeah? You gonna take me shopping? And even if you did, I just turned all my accounts over to the GJ. I'm flat broke, Secret Agent Man. I don't even have a change of clothes. I don't own a toothbrush!”
“Your clothing is provided. Toiletries are furnished. I'll bring your meals. Laundry on Wednesdays. Look, I know it's drab – but at least you have a bathroom with a door on it. Your own tv, phone - local or collect only, by the way – it's better than any jail cell I've ever seen.”
“Okay okay, so it's a palace. Anyway, it's a hell of a lot better than what I was expecting. I kind of thought you'd have me in some kind of force-field bubble-dome or something.”
“Uh… that's in next year's budget. If it gets approved. We weren't really expecting you to just walk in and give up.”
“I'm full of surprises” Shego said, mildly pleased with herself for throwing a wrench into the works of Global Justice, if nothing else, “And so are you, I might add. Really, Will – romance novels?” He had brought her a box of books the previous day – a box full of what turned out to be nothing but paperback romances.
“Oh. Well, you said to surprise you…” he grinned, “Those were all I could find lying around at the office. Someone's wife probably dropped them off-”
“One of them had the credit-card receipt still in it” she said slyly, smirking at him.
Will's smile disappeared, “Oh?”
“Mm-hmm…” The receipt - from two years back - had Will's name on it.
“All right. Fine. So you have something on me. I'd like to point out that I'm going to be your only contact with the outside world for… maybe a very long time. You'd better be nice to me.”
“Oh, I would never make fun of you, Romeo.”
“If they're not to your liking, tomorrow I'll bring you the last three years worth of Police Gazette.”
“Kidding! Doy… please not that!”
“Fly-Fishing Today?”
“Will…”
“Playboy?”
“Uhm…”
“Chopper?”
“Maybe we should just forget…”
“Perhaps you'd prefer some of my old college textbooks. Modern English, Analytical Geometry and Calculus, History of Western Civilization,maybe Criminology and the Law, or-”
“History! Bring me history. Please, I mean. If you would be so kind.”
“Really?”
“Yeah” she said, noting the surprised look on his face, “What? Villains can't have outside interests too?”
“No… it's not that. I just never figured you for… nevermind. History. Got it. Now if you'll excuse me, I have work to do.”
“Yeah. Hold on. You said my clothes were provided?”
“They're in your closet.”
And so they were. Orange jumpsuits. Six identical blaze-orange jumpsuits. And a drawer of haze-gray briefs that could probably stretch all the way up to her armpits.
“Stylin'” she said with mild disgust.
“See ya at dinner.”
“Yeah. Great. Bye Secret Agent Man” she said. This was going to be one long, depressing wait. Even five years in here would leave a mark – she shuddered at the thought of twenty. It was hard to envision a more radical change of lifestyle.
Will heard the shift to sadness in her voice, something he'd never imagined he'd encounter. Not from her, anyway. “Uh, Shego? It won't be as bad as it seems right now. You'll get used to it. They always do.”
“The prisoners, you mean.”
“Uhm… yeah. Bye.”
Will closed the door behind him, walked down the hallway until he was sure his footsteps couldn't be heard anymore, and then stopped to lean against the wall and think. He hated seeing Shego like that. She'd been so good at being a Thief, capital T. Her and her jets and hovercraft, her martial-arts and plasma. Now she was just another prisoner. No sharks, no volcanoes, no death-rays or lasers. It was depressing for him… he didn't like to imagine what it must be like for her.
It wouldn't be so bad, maybe, if it weren't for the part he was playing. Dr. Director had ordered him to become her buddy, someone she might confide in. The Good Cop to counter her Bad Cop. The business with the Romance novels had been a ruse – the credit-card slip planted, for the purpose of creating something that she could tease him about. Make him seem more… human. Less cop. It was his own idea, and it had worked like a charm.
But he wasn't liking it.
Well, it's not just my job – it's what I AM he thought to himself, a common mantra for law-enforcement. He got moving again before he could wonder if he liked what he “was”.
By September Shego had adjusted better than Will could have hoped. She was devouring books, for one thing. They kept her mind off Kim. Kept her from wondering if she'd made the right decision. Suppose she waited for Kim to “grow up” and instead of being able to deal with a relationship with her, she off and… married Ron or some stupid thing. What then? That was the sort of thing that Caldwell's History of Architecture kept her from thinking about.
But that wasn't all. Lying in bed at night, alone, in the absolute silence save for the hum of the air-conditioning she still had troubling feelings - nagging things that would intrude on her mind. She had missed something. Something she was sure she'd wondered about before – but had forgotten to re-examine. She liked Kim – ok. She loved Kim – well… ok, yes. She was attracted to Kim – duh… No fucking kidding on that one. But what was she missing? What had she forgotten?
A week later, Will began to employ his Passive Interrogation techniques. It was the first time he'd used them, and he felt as if Dr. Director was probably testing him somehow. See if he could do it. He would show her he could… but he was growing more and more uneasy about it.
“Lunch is served – Salisbury steak day. Brought one for myself again – if that's okay. And unsweetened iced tea as usual.”
“Instant, as usual, too.”
“All they had. I'm working on getting you a coffee pot. Forms to fill out, y'know. Anyway, here's your latest shipment from the Middleton Library. They're starting to look at me funny up there. Oh, and they didn't have Selections from the Writings of John Ruskin, but I ordered it for ya.”
“Why don't they just let me go to the cafeteria? Under escort, if it's such a big deal…”
“To keep you away from the other prisoners. Keep you out of trouble.”
“You know I can handle myself…”
“That's just it. And probably destroy half the building in the process. There's no way to 'disarm' you, is the problem. You're rather a special case. And speaking of special cases, I've been asked to inform you that certain agencies and countries have been informed of your 'capture', as it were. Apparently you wanted it to be a secret…” Will watched Shego closely for any reaction.
“Yeah. So… inform me, then.”
“Well, Interpol had to know – to take you off the watch-list.”
“No sweat” Shego said.
“The NSA… They were kind of pissed because it cut their budget. Seems they were working on a way to neutralize your plasma-power.”
“Bastards.”
“And I don't know who you pissed off in Spain…”
“That'd be the Guardia Civil.No sense of humor at all in those people. Doy!”
Good, Shego was relaxed; thinking that he had come to the end of his list – because Will wanted it to sound that way. It was test time -
“And I'll be contacting Team Possible tomorrow morning. So other than them, you-”
“Team Possible! Who… oh, shit… Shit!” Shego said anxiously.
Bingo Will thought, “Well of course Team Possible. You and Drakken were the biggest part of their job. It's only right that-”
“You… YOU'LL be calling them? Tomorrow?”
“That's right. Anything you want me to say on your behalf?” Will asked, trying to sound innocent. Shego's reaction was not only obvious, but mysterious. He couldn't quite make out the nature of the woman's anxiety… She wasn't embarrassed, she wasn't angry… Why did Shego want to keep her whereabouts a secret from Team Possible? The Director had been right – there was some kind of connection.
Now he just had to find out what it was.
“… on my behalf? No! I mean… yes. I mean no! Goddammit Will…”
Will waited. He'd expected a subtle reaction – an eye blink, a furrowed brow – nothing like this. Shego had actually lost her cool! Curiouserand curiouser. He began unpacking their meals to make it appear less obvious that he was waiting for her to say more.
Shego caught her breath and tried to think.
He was going to tell Kim that she was in jail. At the GJ compound too, probably. Exactly what she didn't want to happen. Or did she? No, she didn't. That was part of the reason she'd given herself up in the first place – to drop out of Kim's life for at least a few years, give her a chance to think things through. And grow up a little bit. If Kim were to find out now… Even under the best of circumstances, what the hell could she and Kim do while Shego was in jail? Weekend visits? Sorry, that would be… too weird.
If only there was some way she could keep the Secret Agent Man from making that call. Like, oh, don't bother, I already did that or something. Make it sound too trivial to bother with. Well, it was a little late to try and sound casual about it… he'd hit her with that out of the blue, almost as if… as if…
“You son-of-a-bitch, Will… You did that on purpose.”
“I did.” No use pretending at this point. The best way to keep on her good side now was to act concerned on her behalf, but still the dutiful cop. That was the show he needed to put on now. It wasn't hard.
Because it wasn't just a show.
“Shego, I need to know why you gave yourself up. Everything you do and say is suspicious, you know. We all know you can escape any time you want. We need to know why you don't.”
“I was actually beginning to like you, too…”
“As you can probably guess, that was the plan. But look – Shego: it hasn't all been an act, okay? I can't say I really liked you as a criminal – but at least I respected you. You had flair… ingenuity, resourcefulness… even 'style'. I always looked forward to getting one of your cases. In some ways, you've taught me a lot about being a cop… I'm considered something of a square around here, it might amuse you to know. And there was always that line you wouldn't cross, no matter what. You never killed anybody, even when it would have been the obvious thing to do. I was beginning to like you too, to tell the truth. Which is completely contrary to all the rules, experience, even common sense! But we – me, the Director, all of us – need to know why you're here! And apparently it has something to do with Team Possible. So you can tell me now or we can keep playing our games until it becomes obvious or you end it. Your call.”
“Fuck you.”
“Shego… All right. Have it your way. I'll call Kim tomorrow morning and see what she has to say.”
“NO!” Shego shouted, instinctively taking on a defensive posture and lighting up, “No, you will NOT do that!”
“What are you going to do, Shego? Kill me?”
“I… I could just knock you out. Keep you here…”
“And you'd get away with it for maybe a day, before they come looking for me” he countered.
“I'll take you with me. Out of here…”
“And yet, you've been staying her of your own accord, at least so far. C'mon, Shego. Just tell me why. If you're not up to something nefarious, why hide it? On the other hand, if you are – which is what everyone thinks – at least we'll know. Now what's going on…”
Shit! Shego thought again, He's covered all the damn bases. Goddamn cops. Goddamn Secret Agent Man. Fuck.
“I have as long as it takes, Shego. Shall I come back later? Say in a couple of hours?”
“Suppose I just don't say anything” Shego said.
“Like I said – your call. Everyone will just keep suspecting. No change.”
“Yeah? Including you?”
Will hadn't expected her to single him out like that. Did she care what he thought? Did she “like” him? Did she trust him? Or… was she playing the same game with him that he had been with her… Now it was his call: be honest with her – as she appeared to want him to – or play the game. If she was just playing, he'd look like a fool. If she wasn't, then he'd have proved himself to be a cynic. I'll chance on being the fool,he thought to himself, I always do. I hate cynics.
“Actually, no, not me. I think you're up to something, yes… but somehow, I just think you've turned a corner, or discovered something… I have no idea what. And I have no rational basis for thinking what I do. It's probably nave of me – I'm sort of known for that. But so be it. I do like you, and I think you'll be honest with me.”
Shego studied him carefully, “And everything I tell you will go straight into your daily report, won't it…”
“Weekly rep- dammit.”
Shego smiled.
Will glared back at her in mock anger, “You're good…”
“You're not so bad yerself… All right. Fine. I'll spill my guts over Salisbury steak. But you gotta promise me something.”
“I'm in no position to promise-”
“It's personal, okay? You gotta promise me that you'll at least THINK about not putting absolutely everything into your damn report.”
“Oh. Well… I suppose I can promise that I'll think about it.”
“Swell” Shego paused to consider how to start. Truthfully, it would be kind of a relief to finally tell someone - “I'm here because I'm hoping to – someday – marry Kim Possible and live happily ever after in lesbian bliss.”
Will blinked. Then he started to say something, then he thought better of it, and blinked again. Several times.
“I've been married to her before. For eleven years. But… that was – well, under different circumstances. A long time ago, in a galaxy far, far away, you might say. But we both remember it. I'm-a want to do it again.”
“Uh…”
“It all started back when-”
“Shego?”
“You're stopping me, Will?”
“Do you like gin and tonic? I… think I need a drink. Perhaps a few.”
“Scotch.”
“Jack Daniel's is the best I can do…”
“I'll wait. Bring ice.”
“Gotcha. Be right back” he said, and opened the HLS door. Before he went through, he looked back at her and said, sounding out each syllable as if it were a foreign language, “…lesbian bliss…”
“Yeah. Cool, huh?”
Will left, closing the door behind him.
Dr. Drakken sighed. Damn it all, he missed having Shego around to taunt him. Still, it was probably better this way. No doubt she wouldn't approve – at all – of what he was going to try to do. Not that she ever did anyway… but this – this was going to be different. He'd given up wondering why she'd just quit like that – but hell, even mad scientists can use a bit of serendipity, now and again.
There wasn't any stealing to be done anyway; he could buy what he needed for this. Most of it he had on hand already. The hard part was going to be getting his equipment covertly down the Avery Island salt-mine and near the New Madrid fault. After that, it would be easy… and no doubt the press would already be there waiting when he needed them. They always followed Kim Possible around like paparazzi. Usually, that made him angry, but this time he would count on it. Once they find out Kim was in trouble, the news coverage would probably be around the clock, on every channel.
Excellent.
He went back to work on his miniaturized Transporter Loop, thinking They WILL know my genius! Finally!
Apparently Ron had been right – it didn't show. No one seemed to notice anything “wrong” with Kim. What a relief that was! It still felt funny, though, carrying her secret around. It was worst in the locker-room with the other cheerleaders. Kim was beginning to “notice” the other girls, and she noticed that she was “noticing” them. She hoped no one… noticed. It was more than a little awkward.
Home life wasn't so bad, since the subject never came up. Of course, she knew that reason it never came up was because everyone – her parents, her little brothers – just assumed that she was “normal”. And she also knew that someday she'd probably have to tell them otherwise. Probably.
Neither of those issues were Kim's biggest problem, though. Her biggest problem was Where the HELL is Shego? She hadn't seen her since that day at the stadium. When she'd said some nasty things to her… She felt bad about that – she'd only said them because, well dammit, she'd never had time to THINK! If Shego could have waited… a week or two… or a day… or even a few damn HOURS, everything might have been different. Would have been different. She was sure of that. C'mon Doc… you know I didn't mean it. You just… caught me by surprise, is all. Where ARE you?
“So Kim,” Bonnie said to her in the locker room after practice, wearing only her bra and panties, “I think the touchdown routine needs more work. And the spacing is too close – we keep bumping into each other. Wanna straighten that out tomorrow?”
Don't look at her breasts! “Oh… uh… yeah,” Kim said, self-consciously looking down - Don't look at her legs!- “That'd be good. We'll work on that tomorrow…” Ohmygod, don't look at her panties!
“You okay, Kim? Something wrong?”
“Fine! Uhm… nothing wrong. Got a… lot on my mind, is all.”
“Whatever” Bonnie said, relieved. She was glad she didn't have to act comforting or anything.
It was getting worse for Kim every day, trying to “act straight”. She glanced over at Tara three lockers down, to see what she was doing. She was talking to Monique, who was getting dressed in front of her. Kim watched Tara's eyes, seeing if, when, and where she might look. Tara just kept looking at Monique's face though, even making a comment about the black girl's hair. Kim had been watching Tara for awhile now, trying to “see how it was done”. Twice, however, she had watched the blond's eyes linger on Monique's butt when she'd turned around. Once, Tara had almost caught Kim watching her watching Monique. But Kim had averted her eyes at the last second. That would have been awkward!
Kim was usually the last one out of the locker-room, and today was no exception. Little did she know that Tara had been waiting for the other girls to leave.
“Hey, Kim – have you heard about that new Texas Chainsaw movie? With Jordana Brewster in it?”
“Yeah. I've seen the ads on tv… looks like it'd be pretty cool.”
“I know! It's weird, but I just love Texas Chainsaw movies. Jordana being in it is kind of a plus too…”
Tara had rehearsed what she was going to say at this moment for three days. You had to be careful when you didn't know the orientation of the girl you were interested in. It was like dancing with words. The comment about the actress was actually an opening, a place Kim could say something like oh, yeah, she's hot all right, or I guess… if you like girls and they'd at least both know where they stood. If she saw the opening. Sometimes straight girls were so dumb about those things though…
“Uh-huh. I'll probably wait till it comes out on DVD. Movies cost a fortune. And you can't stop them, or watch the commentaries… I'm wondering how much longer movies will even be around – who wants to watch 'em that way anymore?”
Tara wasn't really prepared to discuss the ups and downs of the entertainment industry, but Kim's lead-in gave her an idea - “Uh… yeah. So… my Mom said she'd pay for me and a friend to go this Friday. Get me outta her hair” Not a bad save, for an ad-lib. If Kim was interested, she was sure being an idiot about it… Now it was time for the Major Question - “Wanna go with me?”
“Uh…” Kim was stunned. She knew that Tara was a lesbian, but did Tara know that she knew? Was Tara asking her on a date? Did Tara think that KIM was a lesbian? Was that even a fair question? What if Tara really did just “love Texas Chainsaw movies”, and was looking for someone to go with her? Or - GAWD this was complicated!
For Tara, the “Uh…” was a signal. She had a plan for “yes”, another plan for “no”, and lastly, “Other” - that would include uh.
“It's okay if you'd rather not go with me. Everyone knows I'm gay. You knew that, right? I mean… I don't wanna embarrass you or anything…”
“No! No… that's not… I mean, yeah, I knew that. Uh…” Now what? Was it a “date” or not? Nothing Tara had said hinted one way or the other! What was Kim supposed to do now? Christ… SO the drama! Well, there was always one way to settle it, and in her confusion, Kim decided to take it:
“Tara… are you asking me out?”
That was a question for which Tara had a planned response: “Well… if you want me to. Uhm… would you be interested?”
Ball to Kim. She didn't want to hurt Tara's feelings – truthfully, she'd like to out herself with the girl. Be able to talk to her openly about it. Get some pointers. Putting up the act was really wearing on her, day after day, class after class. Alone. Hiding something. Kim wasn't suited for hiding things. But she couldn't… quite… do it…
“Actually… I'm kind of involved with someone… I think.” Dammit! “I think”? What's she supposed to think about THAT!
That was the end-signal for Tara. Either Kim was lesbian, and just not interested in her, or she really was already seeing someone – boy or girl, didn't matter. Whatever the case, Kim's answer was “no”. Bailout.
“Okay, well… I was just wondering is all. No big. So see ya tomorrow!”
While Kim may not have been quite on the ball at the beginning of this conversation, she could tell a drop-kick when it happened. And she didn't want it to end like this. Tara deserved better, if nothing else. And now she was almost out the door.
“Tara! Wait. Wait a sec… I'm sorry… you kind of caught me off-guard. Can… can we talk for a minute?”
Off the script now, the Tara didn't know what to think.
“Talk… about what?”
“Uhm, I dunno. Stuff. Uhm…” Kim stalled, trying to decide whether she should – or could – go through with this.
“I'll be honest, Kim. I thought I saw you looking at me lately. So… I guess I thought maybe you were interested. Sorry if I read it wrong, but, y'know… Anyway, it was probably just my imagination. Wishful thinking, I guess.”
That was so sweet of her. Apologizing for a mistake that wasn't a mistake, and throwing in a compliment besides. Tara was really quite - oh, to hell with it:
“You weren't wrong. I have been watching you. I've been watching how you… act… around the other girls. Because… well… I've been feeling SO awkward…”
“Awkward?”
“Well… Like I said, I'm sort of seeing someone… and, uh… she's a girl…”
“She is?” Tara asked, and quickly checked herself, “Uh, gawd, that was stupid, sorry. So…”
“… Yeah…”
“You're…”
“Tara, it's… I'm in the closet, okay? Yeah, I'm gay. Apparently. But like… it's kind of a recent thing. I'm not… used to it yet. So I've sort of been watching you for clues, y'know? I just feel all… y'know… self-conscious all the time. You seem like you're… like it's easy, somehow. I mean, I didn't even know you were a lesbian until last week. Ron told me. Hope that was okay… I just feel like… I mean… can you give me some idea how to act so that no one… figures it out?”
Now Tara was stunned. “Wow.”
“I know, I'm still-”
“You are new. Gyah.”
“Uh… Huh?”
“Kim, no offense but… it's kinna rude for someone in the closet to ask someone who's not for advice about how to hide better, y'know? Especially when the innie has a girlfriend, and the outie doesn't.”
“Oh. Oh gawd… that does sound bad, doesn't it… Look, Tara, I'm really sorry, okay? I didn't mean… well, I did, but… This is really hard for me. It's just, y'know, I don't know anyone I can talk to or anything…”
Tara smiled faintly at her, “Well… actually, I'm only 'out' accidentally. I didn't really… intend to tell anyone either.”
“Oh?”
“Yeah. I was playing cards with some friends once – boys and girls. I kept losing… I was getting kinna pissed, y'know? So anyway, I forget how it happened, but some of them started joking about me being bi. Just trying to pull my chain. An' I said 'I'm NOT bi! I'm gay!' So… I kinna outed myself without meaning to.”
“Wow…”
“Yeah. I bet my face was red for awhile… Look, I'll give ya a break since yer new an' all. But you owe me. All right Kim, the bestest way to hide being lesbian is to have a boyfriend. Doesn't matter what else you do then – you can be as 'out' as you want with your g.f. – as long as everyone knows you have a boyfriend, you're in the clear. Pretty girls are supposed to have boyfriends – at least one. If they don't – bam! - she must be a lesbian. Just how it is.”
“Really?” Kim had never thought that way, and so was of course surprised that 'everyone' else did. “But, lots of girls don't… uh… don't they?”
“Like who? Name me one cheerleader you think doesn't have a boyfriend. Besides me, I mean.”
“Well…” Kim paused. Keeping track of who was seeing who wasn't really her thing, what with grades, cheerleading, and saving the world. But thinking about it, she did know one girl who never seemed to be in the company of a boy - “What about Bonnie?”
Tara only looked at Kim knowingly, and didn't say anything.
Eventually Kim caught on, “You're kidding me!”
“Hey, who knows? Seems likely though, doesn't it…”
“Have you… I mean, you're looking for a girlfriend right? Haven't you ever hit on her?”
The blond's eyes screwed up as she tried to control herself - “Kim… I may be gay… but I'm not INSANE!”
They were both giggling uncontrollably as they left the locker-room.
Four days later – another full moon. Kim awoke drenched with sweat, her heart pounding loudly in her ears. Her bed was a wreck, and the pillow was on the other side of the room. Kim had never had a “wet” dream before – as far as she could remember – but this one was absolutely crystal-clear in her mind. She'd been having - sex, if one wanted to call it that – with Shego. In a truck. Under a cloud of bugs. It had been -
Tender? No way.
Erotic? Not really.
Sweet? Yeah, about like it was “tender”.
Desperate.
It had been nothing but desperate. They hadn't even said one word to each other the whole time. Kim had simply taken her fill of Shego until – she guessed – she'd passed out. As far as what Shego might have done to her – well, she could only imagine. And consider the evidence. She reflexively rubbed the inside of her thigh, one of the many places where she remembered being bitten hard. Hard enough to draw blood.
She remembered the taste of Shego's blood, too.
Oh… my… god… what the hell was THAT all about? Oh my GOD!…
If any of the dreams felt like they “weren't her”, it had to be this one. That couldn't have been her! Shego – well… maybe. But not her, not Kim! She wasn't like that! She wouldn't… DO… things like that! She would never… feel like that…
What, never feel fear? Terror, even? Never take comfort from physical closeness under such conditions? Never distract herself with flesh when she felt like the world might be coming to an end? Are those things she'd never do?
“Kimmie! Breakfast!” she heard Jim – one of her little twin brothers – shout from the bottom of the stairs. That was his version of “go and get your sister”, no doubt.
Bleary-eyed and still a shell-shocked, Kim got out of bed and made her way to the bathroom out of habit. Her father met her in the hall on the way.
“Good morn… ing… Kimmie. Uh… see you at breakfast” he said, hurrying past her.
Looking at herself in the mirror, she understood why. Her pajama top was ripped open, and torn in other places as well. As for the bottoms, they were ripped too, as if someone had grabbed them by the crotch and pulled them every which way, ripping the fabric open but leaving the elastic waistband unmolested.
No wonder her Dad seemed flustered. Gah. I hope I didn't… SAY anything my sleep…
Shego's dream that month occurred to her as she was reading the dust-jacket of Lord Kenneth Clarke's Civilization. Kenneth's crooked teeth but honest smile made her think of her father, and that's when it hit her. She remembered the time she'd fondled Kim and it had reminded her of her father, and more importantly, how Kim had opened her eyes about that whole episode of her life. The episode that was ending… now.
She didn't need to think about it long.
She picked up the phone and dialed her brother Henry, or “Hego” as he now called himself. They talked for an hour. She even said hello to her other brothers – but mostly, she just talked to Hego. She didn't say why she'd changed her mind about… things. What had happened between her and her Dad was between them only – and he was dead. That would be a different bridge to cross, and Hego didn't need to know about it. But at least Henry was alive, so maybe something could be saved there. She hoped so.
When she was through, she thought of her father, of herself, and of her life. If her father had been stupid about it, she had been too, in her own way. Just like he'd been in his way. And so eleven years after the time she'd decided never to forgive him, she finally did.
But he was dead and buried… for nine years now. Such a waste. Nothing to do about it now. Those two thoughts occupied her mind until Will came in at 5 p.m. with her dinner.
Which brought her other problems to the fore in her mind.
“So…” she began, as Will was packing up the books for return to the library, “How'd Betty take the news?” After she'd spilled her guts about Kim and the Other World, she just knew he'd run off and tell her. After all – that was his duty. And Will was nothing if not dutiful.
“Uhm… I haven't told her yet.”
“What? Juicy stuff like that and you haven't told her? Isn't that the main reason you're here in the first place?”
Will took awhile to answer. “Yeah. It is. But – ya gotta admit, Shego… it's a pretty fantastic story. I mean… it could be an elaborate lie.”
“Is that what you think?”
He sighed, “No, it isn't. But she might. I can just see me telling her that you and Kim Possible were lovers in another existence. You ever hear Dr. Director laugh? At you? I have… It's not pleasant.”
“So go interrogate Kim, then. Why am I telling you how to do your job?”
“Look, Shego. If it's true – and I just think it is – then it doesn't matter. You won't be trying to escape. There's nothing 'up'. Nothing is going to happen, except that you want to wait for her to grow up a little. Really… it's… it's sorta none of our business…”
“Doy.”
“It is and it isn't, okay? Besides, my report isn't due until Friday. Obviously I'll have to tell her. I'm just wondering how. But moving on, if I may – yesterday was the full moon. Did you get another memory?”
Now Shego waited before answering. What she'd remembered had nothing to do with anything that was of concern to him. He'd know she got something, of course. She could lie about it – make up something… No. No, she wouldn't do that. For one thing, that part of her life was over, as of this afternoon. For another – she just didn't feel like going to the trouble. One had to remember what one lied about. Forever. Really, it was a huge hassle, and hardly ever worth it. Besides, Will was such a boy-scout. It would be like lying to a nun.
“Yeah, I did. But it has nothing to do with Kim, or anything else. It was personal, okay? I'm not going to tell you about it.”
“Okay” Will replied off-handedly. He had enough information. He'd take her word that it wasn't important.
“I'm serious Will. Don't even start with the psychology crap.”
“Okay, Shego. It's not like I don't already have more than I need.”
He hiked the back-pack of books onto his shoulders, and went into the bathroom to get the day's trash. A domestic chore that he'd fallen into out of habit, since he had to pass right by the garbage chute anyway.
“Stop it. It ain't gonna work.”
“Oh for God's sake… I'll take your word for it, all right?”
He can't be THAT good at the reverse-psychology thing… Shego thought. Then she realized, for some reason, she wanted him to know. No! What business is it of his anyway? It just makes me feel stupid, too. He has no NEED to know, either. I mean, what's he gonna do? Take me to the grave to -
The one thing Shego could do was to talk to her father's grave. The only thing.
Will was opening the door to leave when Shego said, “Will? Could… could you sit down for a minute? I wanna tell you a story. And then… maybe ask you for a favor…”
Will thought about it on his drive home from the compound. Take Shego to visit her father's grave? A Most Wanted Criminal? In Special Holding Circumstances? A prisoner with Extraordinary Abilities? Each one of those titles would require an extra ream of paperwork. In triplicate.
By the time he got home, he'd decided to go through with it anyway, and started pulling up forms on his computer, saving them, and printing them out. There were a total of thirty-nine signatures he was going to need. Not to mention over-time authorization for the contingent of armed guards that would have to accompany them. Good thing Shego didn't expect to go today – a Federal holiday – because none of these people would be around anyway. Hell, on this one night, he could probably just walk out the door with her and-
He put his pen down and stared off into space.
One-hundred and fifty crunches, seventy-five push-ups, fifty leg-lifts, an hour of Extreme Yoga, and Shego was cooling off with Tai Chi. Naked Tai Chi. Her concentration on herself was so intense that she didn't even hear the door open when Will came in just after midnight.
“Oh! Jees!” he said, quietly, turning his back on her, “Fer cryin' out loud. Uh… sorry.”
She didn't hear him. She was concentrating on a slow right turn, feeling the air around her, feeling without seeing the room she was in, her environment, her space. Something big and black was in her space…
“Will? What are you- How long have you- Why the wet-suit?”
“It's not a 'wet-suit', Shego. Could you get dressed now, please? In this?” he threw another all-black suit – just like his own – over his shoulder.
Why Will… I DO believe my little Secret Agent Man is a tad flustered! Shego smiled to herself. This was the most fun she'd had in a long time. She realized now how much she missed it.
Shego casually walked up to him, standing beside him, constantly watching his eyes.
“Jesus, Shego…”
Now she stood directly in front of him, just to see him sweat. “Whatcha doin' here, Secret Agent Man? Hmmm?”
“TRYING to be a gentleman, Shego, if you please. And also, I'm going to risk my career, possibly break a few laws, and a violate whole shit-load of rules to take you to your father. Now will you PLEASE put the night-suit on?”
“You? Break rules?”
“Tell me about it. Shego… this is… asinine. Now either put on the suit or… is there any of that Jack Daniel's left?”
Agent First Class was going to sneak her out of the GJ compound? Was this some kind of trick? Because if it was – it was sure a mean one. Would Will do that?
On the other hand, would he really violate his whole manual of cherished rules and regulations? For her sake?
The old Shego wouldn't have fallen for it. But, the old Shego was gone. The Shego standing naked in front of Will would – like Will himself – rather trust and be wrong, than doubt and be right. She slipped behind him and put on the suit.
“Okay. All decent.”
Will turned slowly around - she'd probably be standing there naked and grinning evilly at him. That'd be just like Shego…
“Ta-daaaa” she said, fully dressed in the black jumpsuit, and curtsying. Will relaxed visibly.
“Good. Good… Now, uh, listen, Shego: no funny stuff. No joking around. My ass is on the line here, okay? Follow me, do what I do, and for god's sake, keep quiet! We have a window of about 4 hours. Oh, and if we do get caught, I do the talking. You stand there – no plasma – and keep your mouth shut. Comprende?”
“Este de pie ahi mismo y guarde mi boca cerrada. Derecho?”
“Uh… yeah. Good. Let's go.”
“Hold on a second there, senor. Just which one of us do you think has done the most sneaking around in so-called 'secured areas'?”
She had a point. Shego was the Thief, after all, but - “I know the layout, the rotation of the guards… the combinations to the doors…”
“Fair enough. You point the way – and you do what I do. How's that sound?”
“Uhm… Find, fine. Let's just go.”
She was good, no doubt about that. Peering around corners at anything but eye-level, and keeping her hair out of the way as she did so. Nothing left to chance, and no move made without scouting appropriate escape routes or hiding places ahead of time. It was… amazing.
He wasn't so bad either, she noticed. A little green, maybe – she saw him checking out the walls and ceiling – most people never think to look up – but never the floor. You could tell a lot from a floor. Which doorways were used a lot, where the most traffic had been – even where the broom closet was, by the wheel-tracks the mop-bucket left behind. Still, not bad for a boy-scout. He'd have made a good side-kick, maybe.
Then, to her dismay, Shego came up against the immovable obstacle – a chain-link gate separating the HLS wing from the regular cell block. Well, a problem, but not much. A little plasma in the right place and -
She felt someone tapping her shoulder. Will was standing there holding his magnetic I.D. card and giving her a look that said “what do you think you're doing?” She rolled her eyes and stood aside as he slid his card through the reader, unlocking the gate, then he gave her a curiously Shego-like smirk as he went through.
This went on through two more gates, three sets of electric doors, and finally, the gate to the parking lot. That combination, she noticed as Will punched it in, was 1-2-3-4. Global Justice, she thought, pshaw…
“Pretty good for a cop an' all…” Shego commented from the passenger side of Will's car – an Austin Martin convertible, of all things. “You're really into all this 007 stuff, aren't cha…”
“Since I was a kid. Now hush, and put this sweater on. Walking around in all-black leotards, people will think we're mimes.”
“Good idea. Now they'll think were cold mimes.”
“I was in a hurry, okay?”
“You da man, senor.”
“I'll be adding 'speaks Spanish' to your dossier.”
It was half an hour to the cemetery, and Will was half-expecting her to make a break for it at any time. Instead, she just rode silently, occasionally swallowing audibly, apparently becoming more and more anxious the closer they got. The next words she said were:
“Take the Oak street entrance.”
And then;
“Park under that twin tree there.”
He did, but she remained sitting in the car, looking to her right.
“Uhm… are you getting out, Shego?”
After a long silence, she finally said, “This was stupid. He's dead. What's he gonna say? Nothing…”
Will remained silent, discretely checking his watch. They had just under an hour to spend there. Preferably less. If Shego didn't go out there and… do whatever she was going to do, they'd have to leave: mission unaccomplished. When she'd asked him for the favor, she sure sounded earnest enough…
“You think the dead hear us, Will?” she said, derailing his anxious train of thought.
“Um… I don't know, Shego-”
“I didn't ask you what you know – I asked what you thought.”
He sighed. He didn't know what he “thought” about that question. Really, what did it matter? No one knew – until they died – and then everyone would.
“I think it's good to talk to them sometimes.”
“So you think they hear…” she said, still gazing out the rolled-up window into the dark.
“I think… Shego, I think there are things we can't understand. Not 'aren't meant' to, or 'don't want' to. Can't. And if they do hear, I'm sure I couldn't understand how. But that doesn't mean that they don't.”
“Let's just go back. I'm sorry about all this…”
“Get out there, Shego.”
“Will -”
“Get out there and just say 'hi' or something. Or just stand there. I'll wait here. Now go.”
She turned to towards him, his face ghostly in the amber glow of the dashboard lights, “Aren't you afraid I'll run off?”
“No. Seems to me – unless everything's been a lie – that you have pretty good reasons not to. So get out.”
She sighed, and turned back away from him toward the window. She bit her lip. She got out.
Four stones down the row, she remembered. Gray granite, low-profile stone. “Johan Sebastian Van Gogh”. There. There it was. She was there. Somewhere down in the ground, whatever was left of her father “rested”.
Rested? Bah! It's just a body. Whatever was in it is long gone. She was looking at a spot of ground with the remains of a long dead body under it somewhere. That was all. This was stupid. She was stupid.
She read the dates and calculated his age. He'd been forty-one at the time. The same age as Shego had been her last few months in the Other World.
Wow. That wasn't so old… way too young to be dying. That had never occurred to her before. The damn comet… She held her hand to her face and ignited the plasma the comet had given her. The pretty green light washed over her face. Beautiful. Handy, too – especially for a Thief. A Villain. Handy for destroying things, like the comet had destroyed her father. If only…
Yeah yeah yeah, “if only” a lot of things. Like, “if only” I hadn't loved you so much, Dad, it wouldn't have hurt when you started to ignore me like you did. Or “if only” you'd had a little more guts, and talked to me. “If only” I'd been smart enough to figure it out like Kim did, and talk to YOU…
“If only”.
So whaddaya think now, Pop? Huh? Your only daughter, in jail. Most Dangerous Woman Alive – would ya be proud of that? Would you care? Would you even call up to congratulate me on giving myself up? Would you bring me a rum-cake?
What would you-
A breeze picked up, blowing her hair into her face, bringing Shego back to the here and now.
She sighed. Goddamn it Dad. What'd ya hafta die for?
… Hey, remember how you used to put the worm on my hook and I'd turn my head and go “ewwwww!” the whole time? Poor worms. I mean, they're icky and disgusting an' all – but they didn't deserve to be-
Shego sat down cross legged on the grass and “talked”.
She was still there half an hour later when she felt Will's – not “someone's”, but Will's, she knew – hand on her shoulder.
“We gotta get back, Shego.”
“Yeah. Yeah okay. In a minute?”
“Sure” he said, and went back to the car.
They sneaked back in as easily as they'd sneaked out, but Will in the lead this time. Shego followed behind, too lost in ennui to do more than mimic Will's actions.
When they got back into her apartment Will plopped down on the couch, mentally exhausted from anxiety. He'd done it. He'd broken every rule in the book – and he got away with it. No one would know. Safe and sound. Ye Gods…
“Here's your JD, Secret Agent Man. You earned it.” She handed him a tumbler of whiskey, “Sorry – no ice.”
He took a large mouthful and swallowed it, forcing it past his spasming throat.
When he'd caught his breath, he said, “You gonna be okay?” She hadn't said a word since he'd told her it was time to leave.
“Yeah. I'm a hard woman. Nothing gets to me.” She smiled at him, just enough to show him that she was being sarcastic.
“Good. Well, I'm gonna finish this off an get goin' then, before someone wonders why I'm here at four o'clock in the morning…”
“Hey Will? Thanks. Y'know… I don't think I've ever really had a friend before.”
He stopped with his hand on the door. “… Know whatcha mean…”
“I owe ya, Secret Agent Man.”
He thought about that as he opened the door.
“No… no, I think that's the point, Shego. You don't.”