“I know. Kim… why… why did you tell me… uh, oh shit. I gotta go. Uhm… oh, hell. Goodbye, Kim.” The phone clicked and the dial-tone came on. Shego was off the line. Still, Kim couldn't help herself - “Goodbye, Shego”, she said.
The police were not being subtle as they came to apprehend Shego. Sirens on and lights flashing, she heard them half a mile away, and stayed on the phone until she could see the lights – then she just had to go. Just as she hung up the phone, she heard the helicopter. Apparently the cops were holding nothing back. That probably meant the S.W.A.T. Team was coming as well, and the whole thing was no doubt headed up by GJ agents.
Will Du was flying the chopper, in fact, with a police co-pilot beside him.
“There she is – got 'er on infrared!” the co-pilot, Capt. Hunh said.
“Uh… yeah. You might wanna turn that thing off. And don't even think about using the spot-light - she's not exactly unarmed down there.”
“So I've heard, but why turn off the infrared?” the Capt. Hunh asked, “We can track her every-” suddenly the whole screen lit up at maximum brightness for just a second, and then went black. “What the-”
“That's why” Agent Du sighed, “Your ultra-sensitive hundredth-of-a-degree CCD imager was just exposed to a twenty thousand degree heat source. It's fried now. My fault for not giving you a proper briefing – I'll take responsibility.” Will didn't bother telling the man that exactly the same thing had happened to him. Twice.
“So, uh… what do we do now?”
“Well, you know where she was – where do you think she'd go from there?”
“To her hover-thing?”
“Which would probably be…” Will prodded.
“… on a roof-top. A big, flat roof-top…”
“Like that one. Gear up, we're setting down next to it. You brought two tasers, right?”
The co-pilot only grunted. Hunh wasn't used to playing second-fiddle.
Shego had parked her hovercraft on the roof of “Sign Sity” - and as an example of what Sign Sity could do, an overly-elaborate neon monstrosity glowed in the front. Shego was inside the building by this time, about to climb the stairs to the roof when she heard the police chopper set down. So that was out. She'd waited too long on the phone… damn that Kim! Now she'd have to leave her transportation there and find her way back to the Lair some other way. She didn't need complications like this but – hold on…
There was a sign still under construction in the corner of the back room. Apparently it was in the testing stage, because Shego could see the wires leading to high-voltage transformers mounted on the wall. Hmm…
Will stayed by the radio in the helicopter and instructed Capt. Hunh. “We'll wait here. She won't get far without her hovercraft, so our job is to make sure she doesn't. You take cover behind the door over there, where the stairs come up. If she shows, I'll be the decoy. Don't let her know you're there – just taser her first chance you get. Got it?”
“Will do.”
“Huh?”
“What?”
“Uhm… nevermind. Better hurry, she might show up any time.”
A minute later, the radio crackled to life - “We've got her cornered in the sign building, but she's got her fire lit up! We need back-up!”
Damn, Will thought. “Just rush her and fire your tasers at the glow! It takes her awhile to throw plasma at you, you've gotta shoot before she does!”
“No way Global Leader” the radio said without hesitation, “We don't shoot first and ask questions later. You want that to happen, you gotta come down here and take responsibility.”
HELL, Will thought now. But the police had a point. Shoot first and ask questions later was a GJ prerogative – he was going to have to go. “Roger, squad. I'm on my way.”
He didn't like this. He didn't like anything about this. First of all, he very idea of “cornering” Shego was ludicrous – the Thief would never allow such a thing. If she were actually “cornered”, then she must be injured in some way, and therefore all the more dangerous. No matter which way you looked at it, this was not good…
He could see the glow through the door to the work-room. That was Shego's signature color, all right. The one thing she couldn't fake – her plasma was always green. “Shego! You're surrounded! Cut the plasma and no one gets hurt!”
He thought he saw a flicker, but couldn't be sure. Whatever the case, it wasn't out. “Shego! I'm going to count to ten! Then we're coming in! One! Two!” and with that, Will dove into the room, firing both of his tasers the instant he spotted the source of the glow.
The Chili's sign arced, sputtered, and died.
Then Will heard the unmistakable sound of a hovercraft spinning up.
DAMMIT! he thought, Not AGAIN? This would be the seventh time Shego had eluded him, in one way or another. This time, it was with a decoy. The irony hit him – that was exactly how he had intended to trick her… Well, eighth time is the charm…
Despite the fact that he had fallen for her trick – and never mind the fact that the bad girl got away again - he still had to smile. Really, to just walk in and taser the legendary Shego would've been too easy anyway. He'd developed a great deal of respect for her over the years, and she deserved better than to be shot while cornered in a sign shop. Shego deserved… oh… something involving big lasers. And sharks. Volcanoes. Stuff like that. And some sort of elaborate, unforeseen situation. Something really deep. That was the way to capture Shego.
Slowly, Kim hung up the phone. This was going to be hard to explain…
“Ya wanna tell me what's going on now, KP?”
Kim was sitting on her bed, facing the window, Ron sat before her desk at the foot of the bed. She couldn't look at him. What was she going to say? Was she going to… lie? She'd already lied – sort of – to Dr. Director. Was Ron next?
No. No, not to Ron. Not her Best Friend since Pre-K. And not about something as … important? … as this.
“Ron, the truth is - I don't know what's going on. I know it's not a very good answer…”
“Look at me KP.”
Kim sighed, and then turned to face him, “I really don't know why I'm… doing the things I'm doing. Honest. If I did, I'd tell you.”
“Let's go back to the beginning, at Fermi Lab. You had the drop on her, and you gave yourself away. Why'd you do that?”
“Be… Because…” she turned away from his face, and stared at her knees instead, “Because it felt wrong. I don't know why… I wish I did. I feel… confused sometimes. About… I mean… the whole thing felt weird – being at Fermi Lab, that particular hallway, that particular door, even. Just… I can't describe it.”
“Did you feel weird on the phone just now?”
“Yes” Kim finally said after a long silence.
Ron continued bringing up things, and Kim kept deflecting them with apologies. These answers were not satisfactory to either of them, but at least Ron was getting the idea: even if Kim did know, she wasn't going to tell him. That was a first. That gave him something to think about. And after thinking about it, Ron said what anyone who knew him would have guessed he'd say.
“Okay. KP? Kim? You know I'm on your side, right? I mean, whatever the deal is, or whatever happens. I guess there's not much I can do to help… but I'm here for whatever. Okay?”
For some reason Kim wouldn't have been able to explain – she wondered if that were really true. She didn't know that Ron was wondering the same thing.
Then the Communicator went off again – Dr. Director wanted them both in her office. ASAP!
After the interview, Dr. Director leaned back in her chair to think. Things were getting serious now. For one thing, Kim had outright lied to her – she could feel it. Something about the dreams she was having, something that she knew but wasn't willing to say.
There were myriad smaller things too. Kim had taken coffee instead of soda, when the Director had insisted on bringing them something to drink. Even Ron had looked surprised – so obviously he didn't know any more than the Director did about the oddities of his partner's behavior. And Kim had seemed unusually non-plussed about sitting across from the Director's desk. Usually, that position made her a nervous wreck. Now the teenager seemed to handle it with almost professional aplomb. Quite a change, in a month's time. Inexplicable.
Kim was hiding something. The way her eyes glanced to the left before she answered each question was proof enough. Dr. Director didn't need a polygraph. The girl wasn't good at lying and hiding – so there was still hope for her… but it was a bad sign.
Because if Kim were to “go over” - if she were to get sucked into the Black Hat's world somehow – that would be very, very bad.
The question looming over Dr. Director's head was this - was the same thing going on with Shego? Because, almost by the same token, if Shego were to join the Good Guys, that would be very, very good.
In the end, Dr. Director had ordered Kim to undergo a battery of tests for mind-control remnants, hypnotic drug residue, etc and so forth, but she knew nothing would be found. She only wanted Kim to think that was what worried her. Throw her off track.
No, whatever was going on with Kim, it went deeper than just someone's Scheme for World Domination. Dr. Director didn't really care why it was happening – Kim and Shego could be lesbian lovers for all she cared – what mattered to her was what the two would do about whatever was going on between them.
Mid-June (after the full moon).
“Gah! What in blazes are you watching, Shego?” Drakken exclaimed as he glanced up form his computer. The television screen showed blood and pulsing organs conveniently exposed by a rib-spreader in someone's chest.
“Open-heart surgery” Shego replied simply.
“Rather icky, don't you think?”
“Aynh… that's what people are like inside, I guess. It's pretty interesting, I think. Beats the hell out of 'Jeopardy'” Shego said. She was trying to sound cool, but actually Shego was completely fascinated by the procedure – by how all the parts fit together, and especially by how much the doctors could get away with mucking about with those parts. She was absolutely glued to the screen, and no one could have been more surprised by that than Shego herself.
Really, it was strange that she'd be so interested. Like she needed to know this stuff, somehow. The reason was on the tip of her tongue. It was sort of like how she'd dreamed she'd been searching for Kim in St. Louis – desperate to find her, not knowing why. It still pisses me off that she's in my gut like that. In her gut, I mean. Gah! The tried to voice the thought correctly a third time, I mean… I'm in her… I…
Oh…
The dream-memory of performing the appendectomy on Kim hit Shego too fast, and from too many directions. It took her two minutes of staring into space to piece it all together. Starting with slipping her fingers under Kim's cecum and working backward - the bleeders, cutting the skin, knocking Kim out, driving through the vegetable patch with a Humvee full of medical supplies. Then forward, from the same place - cutting, clamping, threading the needle through Kim's flesh, tying knots. The fear, the anxiety, the questioning… the unspeakable dread through all of it. As if it had just happened. Her stomach rose in her throat.
“I… I gotta…” Shego began, but had already thrown up into her mouth before she managed to get out of the chair, and was making a fast bee-line to the bathroom.
“Serves you right. I guess you won't mind if I turn it off, then” Drakken said with satisfaction.
A few minutes later, a pale (paler than usual) and obviously shaken Shego walked by purposefully, “I'm going out to get some air” was all she said.
She drove around aimlessly for half an hour, trying to sort out her reaction to the memory, and the feelings that came with it. In the – dream – she had felt… friendly with the teenage do-gooder. Like sisters or something. Well, not quite… but… Anyway, she remembered imagining looking down at her and wondering what it would be like if she died. It would be bad. And she could feel – but not remember - why it would be bad, and that by itself was… bad. Another dream about Kim… Doy! More unanswered questions, more… crap to deal with!
WHERE the FUCK are these stupid dreams coming from? WHY the FUCK are they always about Kim, in some way? HOW the FUCK are they different from any other dream? She pondered these questions while sitting at a stoplight in the nighttime streets of Middleton. She thought she saw something behind her, and checked the mirror – only the moon. Full and bright. She made the connection – the dreams always came with the full moon. Every month. It actually made her feel better that at least she'd figured out something about what was going on. She'd know when to expect it again. That little bit of information was 100 more than she'd had before. I wonder… I wonder if Kim…
The light turned green, and it was time to go. To her right a brightly-lit parking lot caught her attention – a grocery store - and then realized she was hungry! She stopped at the 24-hour Albertson's , and headed automatically to the deli department where the ready-to-eat food would be.
Roasted chickens. Cheeses. Potato salad. Ready-to-cook pizza. Everything looked good - but… not good enough, somehow. She wandered the aisles, hoping that whatever she was craving would jump out at her.
And it did. Red meat. Beef, mutton, pork… raw and fresh and neatly sealed in plastic. Shego loaded up her arms, and then realized she was going to need a basket, and had to run all the way to the front of the store to get one. Meat! And… potatoes! Shego had never so much glanced at the Produce Department before. Now she looked at it in awe. So much – she didn't know the names of most of the items – so much STUFF! This looked good, whatever it was (eggplant), some of these… things (rutabagas), a couple of these… (bok choy), onions! Red, yellow, white? – to hell with it, she took six of each.
Her bill came to $384.67. Plus tax. Four bags of groceries. Absolutely none of it “ready to eat”. But her mouth was already watering anyway.
“Aren't you…” the cashier asked, looking at Shego curiously.
“I get that a lot. It's my face-cream, cow placenta and chlorophyll. It rubs right off” Shego proceeded to rub her at a spot on her hand, which of course did not change her color the slightest bit, “See?”
“Uh… yeah… Paper or plastic?”
Shego smiled inwardly. The bit about “cow placenta” was usually enough to get people to wish they hadn't noticed, let alone asked. “Plastic is good” she answered simply.
Later, in the Lair's kitchen, Shego was all business. Pans and bowls clattered as she prepared the vegetables, cleaned the greens, set some steaks out to be spiced up. Dr. Drakken came to see what all the ruckus was about. It was getting close to midnight.
“Shego! What on earth are you doing!” he asked in shock. Three burners of the stove had steaming pots on them, and the oven was on. He hadn't even been aware that the stove worked at all… it had hardly been used before.
“I'm hungry” Shego said, too busy to be bothered.
“You… you're… you're cooking?”
“Steaks. And 'shrooms. Some round white things – turnips I think. Roasted carrots. Salad with toppings. Browning up some onions. Want some?”
“Shego… Since when do you know how to cook?”
She stopped and looked around the kitchen, suddenly aware that she should have felt out of place amongst it all. “I dunno… just seemed… like the thing to do. Like it'd be good. I mean, uh, how hard can it be, anyway?”
“Have you ever cooked before?”
“Well… not exactly… but…”
Then the aroma of sautéing onions, frying mushrooms, and broiling steak hit him, and further questioning suddenly became unnecessary, “Never mind. When's dinner?”
That same evening.
SO the weirdness! Just one thing after another! Kim thought, getting ready for bed. The last bit of “weirdness” had been driving Ron's car. She had asked to (she didn't know why), and he had let her (as a joke). Ron's Toyota was a 5-speed manual, and he knew Kim had never driven a manual. Yet she did. With barely a hitch. When he'd asked her where she'd learned – Kim didn't know.
Then, dropping her off at her house, Ron had kissed her goodbye. On the lips. It wasn't the first time, but – it just felt funny, somehow. And what's worse, he'd seen the look on her face, and awkwardly made his departure immediately afterward.
It was embarrassing. Why was everything so different? What was changing?
She blew a stray strand out of hair out of her face and shrugged to herself as she buttoned up her pajamas. Getting to the bottom, she realized she'd skipped one at the top, and had to un-button it all over again.
Which is when it hit her – she'd done that before. Unbuttoning her pajamas. Working her way from top to bottom. In front of… Shego? But -
FOR SEX!
Wait a minute… wait just a DAMN – uh, DARN – minute! I was going to… sleep… with SHEGO? And she stopped me? What… Why… She stumbled to the bed and sat on it still dazed. Something had to be wrong with what she was remembering. Dreaming, I mean. Why would I dream about – that – with… her? SO wrong! It's supposed to be Ron! Yeah… yeah… it IS supposed to be Ron… that must be it. And somehow Shego got in my head… and it got mixed up.
Sure, that made sense. She'd been feeling confused and… out of sorts… a lot lately. Something to do with the Thief, so naturally, in her dream, Shego had been substituted for Ron! Perfectly sensible.
She went over the dream for proof. Surely there were some hints, something in her preparations, that would prove that she'd intended to sleep with a boy and not a… not Shego. Something she'd do different. Having never actually had sex with anyone yet, she was having a hard time imagining what that difference might be… but surely there was something! Because… well, heck, how different could you get?
Well, anyway, that must be what happened. Just another one of those weird dreams, only about Ron this time. NOT Shego! Then she began second-guessing herself. All the other strange dreams had been about Shego too, in one way or another. She'd even “dreamed” of sleeping with her – just sleeping, nothing more. It fit. This dream felt like it was later… a lot later. She'd actually intended to… go to bed with… another girl? With SHEGO!
I didn't want to. I remember, I didn't want to. It was more like… I was SUPPOSED to, because…
Because what?
She didn't know. Or at least, she preferred not to figure it out.
July.
Kim had been feeling down for weeks now, and didn't know why. Not depressed, really, just… down. Like something was missing or wrong with her life. Her whole life. She'd had it all planned out and now…
To start with, Ron was acting funny. She could feel the difference, although she couldn't point to any one thing that made her think so. He was still polite, still a bit overly-clingy, still the goof-ball he'd always been. But it was as if he was more… distant, somehow.
Then of course, there was Dr. Director. Her Communicator hadn't beeped in a month. Wade had obviously been told not to contact Team Possible. She'd called him up a couple of times, trying to get him to say so, but he wouldn't. His face and demeanor gave it away, though. He'd been told not to send Team Possible any more missions. Because Kim was unreliable. And Kim knew exactly why.
Well, at least Shego's still on vacation, apparently. Don't see her in the news, don't hear about any of her thefts or escapes or anything. Don't hear about her at all, in fact…
That was the last thing: Shego on her brain. Dammit! Would you STOP thinking about Shego! Gah! she berated herself. She'd been thinking about her arch-enemy far too much. Was she obsessed? With what? Shego was a snide, sarcastic, smart-mouthed, law-breaking criminal. There was absolutely nothing to like about the woman!
Okay, maybe under different circumstances, maybe if Shego got her act together… maybe she'd be “okay”. But that was as far as Kim would go. Maybe Shego could be okay under certain conditions.
Kim looked at the videotape collection in her parent's living-room, looking for something to go to sleep by. Something documentary-y, and hence boring. Eventually one caught her eye: Civilization – A Personal View by Lord Kenneth Clarke. Nah, that's more Shego's thing.
What the hell am I saying? What do I know about “Shego's thing”? STOP it with the Shego!
She selected A Brief History of Time, based on Stephen Hawking's book of the same name. A little light cosmology to sleep on would be good.
Watching it alone in her room, she knew who was calling before the phone rang a second time. She just knew.
“Shego?”
“Good guess, Kimmie.”
“Listen, I… I'm sorry about last time. The trace and everything. I really wanted to talk – about – stuff.”
“Have you noticed the calendar, Pumpkin?” Kim could feel the wince in Shego's voice – she regretted calling Kim “Pumpkin”, for some reason.
“Uh… it's the 14th. So what?”
“So tonight is the full moon. Ring any bells?”
“Noooo… should it?” Kim asked innocently.
“The dreams – well, mine at least – always come on the full moon, Kimmie. Not for you?”
Kim thought about it. “I… I hadn't really noticed…”
“Last one was in the middle of June. You?”
“Uh… yeah. Yeah, I guess it was.”
“Well, here we are in the middle of July. Time for another dream, Kim.”
“Okay…”
“Wanna… meet somewhere neutral and watch it come up? 10:23 pm? See what happens?”
“Uh…”
“No tricks, Kim. Nothing up my sleeve. We'll meet someplace where there's lots of people – I'll be in disguise. You leave your Comm thing at home. If we're gonna do this, it's just between you and me, right?”
“… I guess…” Now only 4 p.m., tonight was safely distant. “Shego… do you know what's going on with the dreams and the… feelings, and with… us?”
“Not a clue, Pum- uh, Kim. It has to be something about those 13 days is all I can figure. Maybe we got… mixed up or something. I dunno. You haven't told anyone about 'em, have ya?”
“No! No… not even – well, I told Ron about one, but that's all” It was a secret that only they shared, then. Why hadn't she told Ron about the others? Kim began to feel uneasy.
“Yeah, I told Dr. D about one too, before it occurred to me… Uhm, anyway, I think Drak knows something's up. I've been… doing strange things. I don't even realize it, until he points it out sometimes. And I can tell he's… he's just up to something, and he's not telling me about it. For him, that's kind of radically different from his usual self. I'm thinking about quitting Dr. D. For good. Uh… so to speak.”
So Shego was “uneasy” too? That made Kim feel a whole lot better. “What kind of things have you been doing?”
“Well… I'm not sure I have time to-”
“I swear to GOD I'm not tracing the call, Shego. Honest. Cross my heart and hope to die.”
Shego believed her without further elaboration. It didn't even seem odd to do so.
They talked for another hour about the strange things that had been happening to them, leaving out the dreams, for now. Kim driving with a clutch. Shego cooking. Kim's tendency to limp for no reason, Shego's rubbing on her neck. The radical change in diet for both of them.
“Uh, your not gonna bring Ron, are ya?” Shego asked eventually.
“No! Like you said, this is between us.”
“Sure you can find the River Park concession stand without your sidekick?” Shego kidded her.
“I can find it Shego. And no making fun of Ron. He's a good sidekick.”
“I suppose. He seems more like a distraction than anything else. But I guess every sidekick has their own methods. It is strange how things seem to work out for him.”
“Like your method involves green plasma?”
“I hope you're not saying that I'm Drakken's 'sidekick'…”
“Takes one to know one, Shego.”
“Yeah, well… whatever. Maybe not for much longer, though. It's kind of… demeaning, y'know? Working for Drakken.”
“I always thought you could do better.”
“Really?”
Kim had to stop herself from telling Shego how much she respected her talents. They'd been talking so easily to each other for… how long now? It was nice… but it wasn't right!
“Uhm… So we're meeting at 9:30, right?” It was now 6:30 – they'd been talking for two and a half hours.
Shego had been thinking almost the same thing Kim had, and accepted the change of subject with relief. “Yeah, 9:30. See ya there.”
“Okay. 'Bye, Shego.”
“Bye Pumpkin.”
“…”
“…”
“Why aren't you hanging up?” Kim asked.
“'Cause I'm waiting on you.”
“No, you first.”
“What – we're in Jr. High now? We'll hang up on three.”
“Okay”.
“One… two… three…”, Shego counted down.
“…”
“You didn't hang up.”
“Neither did you, you liar.”
“Well of course I'm a liar! I'm a Thief! A Criminal! I have a reputation to protect!”
“Oh, you are SO full of yourself, Shego!”
“At least I don't wear a perv uniform and high-kick so the boys can see…”
“Hey!”
“What? Which part don't you agree with?”
This went on, in one way or another, and with several tangents, until it was night, and time to go.
Even at this late, the River Park Concession stand – half snow-cone stand for the kids and half urbanite coffee-shop for the joggers – was busy. While the rest of the River Park might be deserted - and even spooky, at this time of night - this one little part of it had the atmosphere of a lawn-party.
Shego took a far table; dark, no one around her. With her hair braided, wearing normal clothes, and in the distant glow of orange sodium-vapor lights, she didn't worry about being spotted. What she worried about was whether Kim would show up. Their five-hour conversation on the phone had been… unprecedented, to put it mildly, but Shego hadn't even noticed it until they'd finally hung up. They'd been making small-talk, and hinting at not-so-small talk like best-friends, or sisters. Or something. Shego had chided Kim over her age, cheer leading, and goody-two-shoes-ness, while Kim in turn had teased Shego about her suit, her employer, and – most wickedly – her hair.
And now, after all that, they were to meet? Face to face? Shego almost hoped Kim wouldn't show. This could be… awkward.
Kim almost didn't. She kept thinking, If it sounds like a date, and it looks like a date, and it smells like a date… If it sounds like a date, and it looks like a date…
“Yo, Pumpkin!” Shego waved to her.
Kim surveyed the table Shego had picked, at the corner of the patio. Shego's back to the river. If she were going to try anything…
Shego interrupted her thoughts, “Yeah, yeah, I know. Fine. You choose a table.”
Possibly to prove a point, Kim seated herself opposite Shego.
“I wasn't sure you were serious about this…” Kim said.
“I ordered you a tall medium-roast decaf Colombian – strong - with half-and-half and cinnamon. Hope that's okay.”
“Uh…”
“That's how you like it, isn't it…” Shego's voice had a note of something like caution in it.
“Uhm… okay, this is freaking me out now, Shego…”
“Me too, Kimmie. That is how you like it, isn't it… Doy! I was afraid of that…”
“Wait. Just… wait. The coffee was an experiment? You guessed how I liked it?” Kim asked, finally clearing her head enough to get it.
“Yeah. Except I didn't have to 'guess'. I… well, I didn't 'know', but… it just seemed right. Y'know? Like other things just seem wrong?”
“Okay, Shego. What's going on here?”
“I wish I knew. We both know something is happening, right? Or did happen… or something. Look, we… uh, we need to know about that thirteen days, Kimmie. I can't ask Dr. D because… well, I just can't. So you're gonna have to find out. I was told that for that thirteen days, time didn't exist. I think it's pretty obvious it did.”
Kim sighed, “Yeah, that's what they told me too, at first. So I got my Dad to look up someone who might know… and he said that it's theoretically impossible to know for sure, but that almost anything is might have happened. Shego? Do… do you think… they're memories, or just weird dreams…”
Shego sighed. She had known it would come to this, but still wasn't ready to face it. “It's July now. We've been back for the full moons of April, May, and June. That's three. Six, between the two of us. You ready to tell me about yours?”
“Not… really.”
“Same here. So I guess we'll just see what tonight brings” Shego said. That would be safe enough.
“We're going to have to tell each other what we… dreamed sometime, Shego. I mean… if we're ever going to figure it out…”
Shego stared into her coffee. She would like to know what Kim had… dreamed. But in Shego's dreams, she'd cared about the teenager. She'd liked her. She'd been… vulnerable to her, somehow – she still wasn't sure what the deal in St. Louis had been all about. So unlike the Shego who was sitting with Kim now, trying to figure out how she felt.
“Maybe…” Shego trailed off.
“Yeah. Uhm, but I think we need to… have an agreement, you and me.”
Shego looked up and into the red-head's eyes but didn't reply. An agreement?
“Whatever happened – whether it's dreams or… whatever – it wasn't us. It may feel like us, and sound like us… we may have the memories – if that's what they turn out to be – as if it was us… but it wasn't. I…”, now Kim paused to study the swirls in her mug, “I'm told that it's technically correct to say that. It wasn't us. None of that stuff happened to us. If it happened at all, I mean.”
“Yeah, I gotcha.” Shego checked her watch, “It's 10:30. You get anything?”
“Uhm… not… not as far as I know…”
“Maybe it was stupid to think that it'd just pop into our heads like that.”
“Yeah…” Kim agreed, trying to think of something to say. Something important was being left undone, and she was trying to imagine what it was. What had she – expected – out of this meeting? Why was it… disappointing?
“My coffee's empty” Shego said, stalling, “Want some more?”
Kim took too long to answer.
“Yeah, okay. Look… Okay… let's do this.” Shego took a a deep breath, paused, then took another. “My first weird dream was back in April: I was in St. Louis – a place I've never been, by the way – and… everything was wrecked. There'd been an earthquake. A big one. I… I remember – I mean, I dreamed – that I was looking for you, for some reason.”
(Desperately looking. All day long, day after day, “KIIIIIM!”… I need you…) Further clarification of the memory of the dream hit her out of nowhere as she was speaking. Shego had been wondering why she was looking so hard – and here was her answer. Not one she'd expected. She had rationalized that perhaps she'd needed to find Kim because the red-head was her ticket home. That would fit. That would be acceptable to the Shego who now sat at the table suddenly unable to breathe.
But to need her just because… she needed her…
“Uhm…” It wasn't me… It wasn't me! It COULDN'T have been me! “Anyway, that's all I know about that one. You?” The forced casualness of that lie was the greatest triumph of discipline and will that Shego would ever have. Even Kim bought it.
“I was driving down a deserted highway – there were cars everywhere, all with the keys in 'em. Some were crashed, but a lot just seemed to have been driven off the road and left there. I was driving a Jeep… and it broke down. I was so frustrated because I couldn't find another car that worked. Kind of like a nightmare.”
“Where were you going?”
“I… I don't know. I was… I mean…” Kim blushed ahead of time, without knowing why, “I was trying to get back to you. It… I knew you were looking for me…”
“You don't think you were driving away from St. Louis, do ya?”
“I have no idea. I was-” (Now leaving St. Louis - Come back again!) “… I think I…” (“Then all of a sudden it didn't matter. I didn't WANT out. Ever. All I really wanted was further in.”) “Oh…”
Perhaps the mere fact of physical proximity was doing this to them. Whatever had once connected them, wherever the memories were coming from – perhaps it was stronger when they got closer. The shock of remembering Shego's “message in a bottle”, and the shock of knowing what it meant… Kim's chest heaved as she tried to force the feelings back wherever they'd come from.
“Something?” Shego asked.
“Uh… no… I think it was St. Louis, though. Uhm… yeah…” Kim stammered, forcing the feelings away, down, into hiding, to be dealt with later. Or maybe she wasn't so much hiding away the memory, as hiding from it.
It was obvious that Kim didn't want to say anymore, so Shego let her go and didn't ask anything further. She knew that she might be counting on Kim to return the favor soon.
“Right. So, May: I was walking down the streets in Colorado Springs – no idea how I got there – and… well, I was really pissed. Angry I mean. Furious. I was throwing plasma all over the place, blasting anything I could see. Uhm… eventually, I sort of trapped myself with fires all around, and barely made it to this overpass next to downtown. There was… this bear… on fire, that I saw… Then I guess I must've passed out.”
“What were you so mad about?” Kim was so relieved to be able to ask a non-threatening question.
“Uh…” Shego looked away from Kim's oddly anxious, probing expression, “Personal stuff, Kimmie. Nothing to do with you, though. Just… well… I don't wanna talk about it.”
“Okay. Uhm… So, the dream before last – May, I guess – I was -”
Shego interrupted – she hadn't been listening, “After I woke up, a lot of the buildings were still burning. And… it occurred to me that… I should… see what you were up to.” Why had she even bothered to say that? See what Kim was “up to”? (Kim will make it better. Kim can fix it. Kim can fix ME…) SHIT! Shego stared into the distance, hoping with all her heart that Kim wasn't looking at her.
She didn't want to say that… Kim thought, and tried to think of a way to change the subject. “So, this was after the whole St. Louis thing?”
“I… I don't think so. I think it was before. Uhm… actually, I think it may have been way before… I really don't know, though. How would I know? Uh… you were saying? May?”
“Oh. Yeah… we were about to go on a long trip. I think. We had this aluminum trailer-”
“We?” Shego asked. To be able to catch Kim up on a single word, trip her up maybe… get the “upper hand” somehow… usually a fun past-time, suddenly a life-saver.
“Uh… yeah. We were at this house. On a farm, I think. We… you had this Army jeep you drove around, and you hooked it up to a trailer. We were going to be gone… for a long time, I remember thinking. Anyway, I was… uh, feeling kinna sad about leaving everything – kind of excited too, but – it's hard to describe. Anyway… uh… I had this picture of Ron on my nightstand, y'know? And… I sorta… well, I said goodbye to him. To it, I mean. I was really… down. Uhm…”
“So I wasn't in this one…”
Kim looked into the distance, “You sort of helped me through it.”
“I… I helped…”
“Yeah. Uhm… yeah.” Kim felt like she'd never be able to look her arch-enemy in the eye again. She wasn't about to say that Shego had “helped her through it” by curling up with her in bed. “So, what was your latest one?”
“Ah. Well… this one may have actually been a dream. I had to cut you open and take out your appendix.”
“You…”
“Yeah. I operated on you. Performed surgery. On the kitchen table. Actually, calling it 'surgery' is… well… It wasn't pretty. I had no idea what I was doing. I didn't even know that I was supposed to sew up the sub-dermal tissue layers when I closed you back up! Doy! You survived okay, though. Took awhile for you to get back on your feet. I remember I was afraid to let you eat anything but baby-food, and you bitched at me about it to no end.”
“Why do you think it may not have been… one of those dreams?”
“Because I can't exactly remember a lot of it clearly. I was… kind of messed up, or something. Panicked. Sweating bullets. Uhm… actually, yeah, it was one of 'those' dreams, I guess…” (What am I gonna do if she dies? I can guess. Never mind. I can guess). She rubbed her neck unconsciously.
“That's why – that time kicked me in the stomach…”
“That was months before I ever had the dream, Pumpkin.” Again, Kim saw the older girl subtly wince at the word “Pumpkin”.
That one was easy Shego thought,Well… relatively… “So, what'd you get last time?”
That would be the dream where Kim had attempted – sort of – to “sleep” with Shego. The dream that was messed up. The one that should've been Ron. Kim blushed again, unsure whether to lie, refuse to answer, or modify the story and make it Ron, like it should've been.
“Uh-oh” Shego said.
Kim still didn't say anything.
“It's… it's embarrassing, isn't it…” Shego added, empathizing. She could imagine how that felt. “Well… never mind, then…”
“Nothing happened.” (SHEGO! I LOVE YOU!) Another amplified remembrance.
“Okay, Kim. Uhm… look, I think we both sort of guessed it might be leading up to this. You don't have to say anything. It's okay.”
“Nothing happened, Shego!”
“Okay, Kimmie! Doy! Nothing happened. I got it.”
An uncomfortable silence held them, and each girl pretended to sip coffee from their empty mugs.
Desperate to say something, to prove she was not speechless, Kim added, “I think it was before the St. Louis thing.” Only after she'd said it did it occur to her what might have happened after “the St. Louis thing”. She only hoped Shego wouldn't bring it up.
That thought occurred to Shego as well, and she did not bring it up. “Uh… so, get anything new yet? It's getting close to 11, here…”
Kim breathed a sigh of pained relief, “No. No… nothing. You?”
“Nah.”
They lapsed into silence again for several minutes.
(“Well, it wouldn't have been THAT bad, Pumpkin…”)
Despite everything, a smile threatened Kim's lips, and Shego caught it.
“What?”
“Nothing.” (“I'm pretty sure you would have lived through it…”) Now Kim had to cover her mouth, but the squint of her eyes gave her away.
“C'mon, what's so funny?”
“NOTHING, Shego! Gyah… Just… really, it's-” (“I mean, it wouldn't have been the end of the fucking WORLD or anything…”) Kim snorted.
“Kimmie… no fair…”
“I'm sorry… It's just… You said some funny stuff, later on. Sort of… y'know, taking the edge off. Nothing happened, though.”
“What'd I say?” Kim's smile was beginning to spread to Shego now, even though Shego had no idea what she was smiling about.
“You, uh… you said it wouldn't have been the end of the fucking world.” Again, Kim snorted. And Shego? Somehow, Shego knew why it was funny, and joined in.
Half an hour later, they finally parted company, still unaware of any new memories brought on by the newly risen moon. Any bystander would have thought they were girlfriends. But only girlfriends.
They would both think about that last part of their meeting when they got home – over and over. It just felt… good.
The new memories came to them the next day, and, Kim's recollection of the Wedding – from the proposal to standing on the church steps afterward - were deep and crystalline. And it had happened at the ten-year mark, she knew. Wherever it was they were during that time – those so-called “thirteen days” - they'd been there for at least ten years. Then they'd married. Or rather, their doppelgangers had. It couldn't have been them. It couldn't have been Kim. It couldn't have been me…
Kim agonized over it for days, eventually finding peace only by repeating her now soothing mantra; It wasn't me. It wasn't us. It wasn't me. It wasn't us.
Shego got a double-dose this time – two distinct situations - both memories of Kim's Beacon device: not using it, and then, some time later – fuzzy, cold, and sleepy memories of finally setting it off. With the same new mysterious clarity of the things that occurred to her while in Kim's company, Shego knew it all now. She had no specific memories of sex – but she didn't need them to know how things had been between them. And because the first abortive attempt to fire up the Beacon had been such a monumental event, she also had an appreciation for the time line of their experiences in the Other World. They had decided not to turn it on after having been alone together for two decades. By the time Shego had been caught in the lathe, another year had probably gone by.
Shego now understood what she hadn't been cognizant enough to realize at the time – Kim had put aside her reluctance and fear of going Home in order to save Shego's life. And she'd done it without a second thought. Maybe the girl really could do anything - if enough depended on it.
After two days, Shego couldn't stand it anymore.
“Hello?” Kim said tiredly. Figures someone would call when she FINALLY felt like she'd be able to go to sleep. The images and feelings that had been running wildly through her head for the last couple of days had finally been forced into perspective, and she could almost put them out of her mind. It wasn't me. It wasn't us. It's not possible.
“It's me” Shego said.
Kim's heart nearly jumped out of her mouth, “Doc!”, she cried happily, unexpectedly overcome, before it occurred to her to wonder why. And… why did she call Shego 'Doc'?
But Shego didn't say anything about the 'Doc' part. She knew all about 'Doc'… Like Kim, Shego knew more than she wanted to; and also like Kim, the knowledge wouldn't leave her alone. She hadn't wanted to make this call - she simply couldn't help it.
“I remembered something… Kim” Shego said. But it didn't sound much like the Shego that Kim knew. There was no sarcasm in her voice, no implied smirk on her face. None of that infuriating confidence that Shego always showed off. In fact, she sounded a little like… that other Shego.
“M-me too” Kim replied before she could stop herself. No! She hadn't “remembered” anything! It wasn't me! It wasn't us! Dammit!
Once again, Shego seemed to let it go, not following up with the “Oh? What?” that Kim was dreading.
“I… I remembered getting rescued, Kim. I remember what happened. Is that what you remembered?”
“Uh… no” Oh thank god… “But – what happened? How did you remember it? I mean… are you SURE you're really… remembering?” Because it HAS to be something else! They're JUST DREAMS! And… and anyway it… it wasn't… “us”…
“We were there for twenty-one years. Twenty-one years, Red. Uh… I mean…” Shego never finished saying what she 'meant'.
Kim was too stunned to speak. If the events in her 'dream' had taken place only ten years after the accident, that meant that they'd lived there for eleven years afterward. That meant… That meant… No! GOD-DAMMIT NO!
Her eyes squinted shut as if to keep the thoughts out of her mind, Kim resorted to her only safe option: to ask about the mundane. “So how did we get rescued?” There. That was a good question. She could listen to Shego talk about that. Facts. Events. No feelings. No more feelings! Please…
“You built a beacon. You called it a… a 'reality phase' something – I can't remember. You said it would either work right away or not at all” Shego reported matter-of-factly.
“I…I built it?”
“Yeah. You got us rescued, Red… I mean 'Kim'.” Shego stopped speaking, but Kim could tell there was more she wanted to say. Kim would have to drag it out of her, as usual… Really, Shego could be SO… wait a minute… how did Kim know how Shego could be? It wasn't her!
Kim doubled over on the bed into a fetal position, phone still to her ear. Oh god… oh god… oh god… she thought. And for the first time admitted – it might have actually happened. It might be true. Maybe it WAS us… Oh god…
“Kim? Kim, what do you remember? Kim…” Shego's voice was almost begging. No, this was not the Shego Kim knew. It was the Shego Kim had come to know. And then Kim realized - Shego was just as scared as she was. Shego wanted to know – and feared – the truth as much as Kim did. And finally – Shego hurt as much as she did, too. What had been wrong, what had been missing, was suddenly revealed – and it wasn't what either of them was expecting.
It was so unfair to keep Shego guessing, wondering. Kim knew now… it was real. It had happened. It had been them. Different, yes, but the same, yes. And Kim couldn't let Shego hurt the way she had been… it was simply not something Kim could do. Not to Shego.
Not now.
“I remember getting married.”
Silence.
Fully five minutes of silence while the only sound on the phone-line was each other's breathing.
Finally, her voice near cracking, Shego said, “T- to me?”
Under the circumstances, it was about the most stupid question Shego could have asked. There had been ONLY the two of them, for twenty-one years, apparently. But the irony didn't even occur to Kim.
“Yeah. To you, Doc.”