Shego had done this. Her baby. Herself.
She finally closed her eyes and passed out.
“Kim?”
Kim gritted her teeth and squeezed her eyes shut, but otherwise made no sign of having heard.
“Kim… It's me…”
Still the red-head didn't move. She was not going to fall for this. Not this time. Sure, it sounded real – it always sounded real… But she knew it wasn't. She would not go down that path again. She would resist the… insanity. She would not give in to it! Just please, God… if I'm going to go crazy, don't let me know it… that's all… just don't let me know it…
“Are… are you okay?”
How interesting,Kim thought, my crazy brain is asking me if I'm 'okay'. Do all crazy people go through this? Because it really sucks. I think I hate being crazy… it always sounded like such fun, too…
With Kim still frozen in front of her, Shego looked around in astonishment. No, Kim obviously wasn't 'okay'. First of all, she could smell the girl from ten feet away – she reeked of various body-odors, all of them obviously old. The room also stank of rotted food. And the papers – some yellowed with age – pinned on every available vertical surface with nails, magnets, tape, or sometimes just skewered on drawer-handles, folded over lamp-shades… everywhere. The floor was strewn with books, most of them open. In one spot, it looked as if Kim had made a nest of crumpled paper and slept in it on the floor. Half-empty water-bottles sat everywhere by the hundreds, and if the pile of cans outside had been nauseating, the pile of snack-food wrappers next to Kim's desk was worse - as she looked, a mouse scampered through it.
In a moment, Shego continued haltingly, “I'm back, Kim. I… I've had some… bad times, too. Are you going to talk to me? Do you-”
“SHUT-UP!” Kim cried, her hands flying to cover her ears, but still not looking around.
“Kim, I-”
“SHUT-UP SHUT-UP SHUT-UP!”, she screamed, “You're not real! I'm not doing this! I'm not falling for this! GO AWAY!”
“I…” Shego stammered, unsure how to handle this, “… I'm real, Kim. I know how you feel… Turn around. I'm here… I came back.”
Kim lowered her hands from her ears but still didn't look around. Instead, she appeared to resume working on her math problem. Shego walked around in front of the desk.
“I'm here, Kim. See? You're… you're not crazy. Well, any crazier than I am, anyway.” She tried to sound reassuring – not exactly a tone she was familiar with - “I… I think we're going to have to -” She stopped, seeing the other girl finally look up at her.
“Shego?” Kim whispered, still not knowing whether to believe Shego was really there or not. Perhaps her insanity had merely reached a new phase.
Moving back to the side of Kim's desk, Shego said, “Yeah. It's me. You're not crazy…”
Kim put out a hand against her former enemy's belly, pushing on it through the black teeshirt. It felt like a person… She stood up, and dared to really look at Shego for the first time.
Shego's hair was cut short now. Not so much 'cut', really, as hacked off as by a hatchet, it seemed. Her always pale-green skin was even paler now, more grey-green than her usual 'greenish'. Her eyes looked like they'd receded, her face looked… unhealthy.
“Shego… you look like hell…”
That was the Kim Shego knew, “You're one to talk, Princess.”
To Shego's great surprise, Kim threw her arms around her and squeezed tightly. It wasn't so much that Kim was happy to see Shego again. It was just that she was happy that it was in fact Shego. She wasn't crazy, after all. Not any more.
“Uh… Kim…” Shego said after what to her seemed like an appropriate amount of time: two seconds, “Uhm… you're really weirding me out here… And besides that, you're filthy. And you smell bad.” She waited for Kim to react to the insult, but it never came. “Kim?” Still the younger girl held on – the solidity of Shego's body made Kim's 'bad times' seem to fade as if into a dream. This was real. Shego was real. It was over… Wait -
Kim backed off enough to look her in the face again, “You're staying, right?”
Of course she was staying… but she couldn't very well just say that – that would sound vulnerable. That would sound… icky. She'd have to say it snidely, somehow…
“I guess I'd…” better, she finished in her head.Wait, she could do better than that…Someone's gotta look out for you.How about -Doy! Or If you want.Kinna girly… maybeMight as well. Shego had the upper hand here – Kim seemed to need her more than she needed Kim. But “seemed” was the pivotal word there – she knew it wasn't so. Shego knew what life would be like without someone else around. And among other things, it would probably be… short.
“Yeah, Kim. I'm staying.”
Kim dove back into the bear-hug, and this time, Shego wasn't “weirded out” at all, and returned it.
Kim told Shego what she'd been doing, leaving out the part about the voices, and “not bothering” to tell her that she'd been doing it eighteen to twenty hours a day. Likewise, Shego told Kim all about the wonders of Cheyenne Mountain – leaving out the part about spending an entire year as a couch-potato, and “not bothering” her with details about the fate of Colorado Springs.
“So you drove here? Like, in a car? What happened to the hovercraft? And what about your jet? I don't think I've ever seen you in a car…” Kim said. The woman in front of her didn't look, speak, or act like the Shego she'd known.
“Things that fly need a lot of maintenance, Princess. And parts. I don't do maintenance, and even if I did, I don't have parts. Look at it this way – if your car breaks down, you walk. If your plane breaks down, you die. So yeah, I took a car. But listen – you're serious about building another Transporter Ring? You're actually trying to learn the math to do it? By yourself?”
“Well, I don't have to invent one you know – I have all Drakken's notes and plans and everything… but I have no idea what it all means. He didn't exactly leave a 'Dimensional Transport for Complete Idiots' book behind. I need to understand how it all works… I'm up to Differential Equations – so I understand some of the symbols – but his notes are still like Greek to me.” Kim sighed with a note of dejection, “It might take… a long time…”
“That's…” Shego searched for the word, amazed by Kim's… grasp of the situation and dedication to a solution, “That's incredible. You think you can really do it?” This wasn't the Kim that Shego knew, either. Kim seemed to have grown up a lot in the last year. She seemed less like Mary Poppins now and more like a junior Dr. Sculley.
“Well… about all we've got is time, Shego. What else am I going to do? What have you been doing?”
Shego turned her head, suddenly overcome with a taste of the shame that had saturated her in the Cave. “Wasting my time, Pumpkin. Doing nothing. For months and months and months…”
Kim sensed that she didn't want to talk about it, and tried to find a way to change the subject: “Hey, let's get something to eat, huh? What's your preference: Spam or Vienna Sausage?”
“Uh…” oh god no… never again. Doy! Is that what she's been living on? “Tell ya what, I'll make dinner – you go get cleaned up, right? You… uh… Kim – there's not even a bathtub in this warehouse, is there…”
Suddenly aware of her condition, it was now Kim's turn to feel ashamed, “Uhm… I sometimes use the shower in a farmhouse down in the valley there” she pointed in a direction away from Middleton, “They get their water from a well, and I have a generator truck parked there, so…”
“Hot water?”
“Yeah.”
“Soap?”
“Yeah…”
“Sounds great! So… why have you been living up here?” Shego asked before it occurred to her how rude the question was. She wished she hadn't said it.
Kim stammered in response, “Oh… well… all my work… notes an' stuff…”
“Princess? Pack your things. We're moving.”
Having someone tell her what to do felt… kind of good, actually. “I'll come back for it, Shego.” Kim said smiling. Like waking from a nightmare, her troubles were just melting away with every word Shego spoke.
“Up to you. Let's go then.” Shego was also smiling, although she was trying to hide it. She hadn't known – and still didn't know – how much she'd needed someone to take care of. It was a completely new experience for her. All she knew was that for the first time in a year, she felt excited about the future. Even here.
The farmhouse was at least a little cleaner, and significantly more orderly - probably because Kim hadn't used the place much. Shego was impressed that Kim had thought to bring a generator truck to the place, and figured out how to hook it up. What Kim hadn't thought of, Shego soon found out, was bringing a fuel-truck to feed it. The generator's fuel tank was almost down to the 'E'.
Well, something to do tomorrow, then. Shego realized with a start that she was looking forward to it.
“You go get cleaned up. I'll make some dinner” she told Kim, uncomfortably aware that it sounded like a “nice thing to do”. “If I were you, I'd take a bath and then a shower…” There, that ought to fix it.
The subtle insult didn't escape Kim's attention, but she let it go. She couldn't remember the last time she'd bathed. “You… you can cook? I tried…” Kim nodded sheepishly at the stove, on which something aluminum had melted into a puddle on a burner, it's handle still sticking out absurdly, “but… well…”
“You – you melted a saucepan? Gawd, Pumpkin… no wonder you've been living off Spam!” Shego actually began to giggle, to Kim's embarrassment.
“Uhm… I'm gonna go take a shower now…”
“You do that, Princess. And don't forget behind your ears!” Shego said, still giggling.
That night, it was Kim's turn to sleep better than she had in a year.
The next day, they went back to the warehouse so Kim could gather her notes, books, and papers. While she was doing that, Shego tried to clean up the place. She was funny that way. Even in the depths of her Cave depression, she at least kept the place picked up. It was a small – very small – point of pride, but at least it was something.
“Shego…” Kim said guiltily, “I'll get that… you don't have to-”
“Don't worry about it Princess” Shego said curtly, still throwing plastic bottles into a trash bag.
But Kim couldn't help it, “No… really… I know I-”
“Kim?”
“Uh… yeah?”
Shego only glared at her.
“Fine” Kim said, trying to put some sarcasm into her voice. It didn't occur to her that for Shego, being 'helpful' might feel the same as being 'weak'. That equation was not part of Kim's character, and she wouldn't have understood it anyway. But neither was sarcasm, and she was immediately sorry she'd said it that way. “It's just that you're making me feel guilty, is all.”
“You should feel guilty. You've been living like a pig here…”
That remark hit home – Shego didn't need to get nasty about it, “Well, at least I'm trying to get us outof here, y'know! Maybe I did get a little… obsessed, but that's no reason to-”
“Kim?” Shego said again.
Already close to the edge, all Kim needed was one more smart remark, and the gloves would come off. I've been working my ASS off here, and all she can say is -
“Don't you think I know that?” Shego put down her trash bag, “Don't you think maybe I feel a little guilty about that? Now shut up and get your shit together. We have to find a fuel truck on the way home, and we both need to pick up some more clothes – we have a lot to do.”
Kim deflated like a balloon. No, she hadn't thought about that. But still, wasn't the “pig” comment just mean? Wasn't that just typical of Shego? Then again, was admitting guilt typical of Shego? Kim shook her head as if to clear the cobwebs. What the hell was “typical of Shego”, now? She didn't know. Last night, she had made dinner – a nice thing to do – and then sat and ate it in near-silence while gruffly putting down Kim's attempts at small-talk – just as Kim would expect her to do. What the hell was going on?
Which was pretty much exactly what Shego was wondering too. The goody-two-shoes teenage cheerleader – Shego loathed the whole stigma of 'cheerleader' – was doing something serious about getting them out of there. Had been doing so for a whole year. Shego still couldn't get over it… the whole idea of learning Physics, or Math, or whatever it was she'd need to know, from the ground up… it would take years… and Kim was aware of that, and still she was doing it. Shego wouldn't have even tried. It wouldn't even have occurred to Shego to try. Kim Possible, her arch-nemesis, was her only hope. How weird was that?It was… sort of infuriating… And at the same time, it was a Damn Good Thing that Kim was who and what she was. Really, for a white-hat and all, she wasn't so bad. A little… well, “Disney”, maybe… but not so bad.
“Okay, I got everything, you ready to go?” Kim's question broke Shego out of her reverie.
“Uh, yeah” she replied, “And Kim? Sorry about the 'pig' thing…”
“No big” Kim said, but thought Shego… apologizing? SO big!
By that winter, their lives had settled into a routine: Kim's job was to study and help Shego whenever the older girl needed it, Shego's job was to take care of everything else. It was a fair exchange, and Shego actually had the better part of the deal; there wasn't really all that much to take care of.
“Get dressed Pumpkin! Time to run! I'll meet you by the barn!” Shego yelled from the kitchen, already changing into her snow-boots and sweater. She needed to check a few things outside while Kim dressed.
Kim appeared at the door of her office, “Shego… there's a foot of snow out there! We can't run in this weather!”
“Good for ya. C'mon.”
“Can't we just do calisthenics or something? Why don't you go get a treadmill somewhere and -”
“Because you need to get out of the house, Kimmie, and if I don't make you, you won't. Now don't start with this again, we've been through it how many times? 'Shego, it's raining', 'Shego, it's cold', 'Shego, I don't feel like it'… Get dressed.” She knew the dangers of letting things slide because they were 'inconvenient' at the time. Oh yeah, Shego knew all about that.
“Hey!” Kim said excitedly, getting an idea, “Why don't we fight instead? I don't know about you, but I'm seriously out of practice…”
Shego stopped lacing up her boots. Fight? She'd forgotten all about fighting. She'd forgotten all about martial-arts, period. What with everything to do… well, okay, most of it had already been done, true… and she wasgetting a little bored, lately. Nothing like she had been at the cave, of course. But… fight? Fight Kim Possible?
Getting impatient for an answer in her excitement for the idea, Kim said, “Shego? What about it?” and with somewhat child-like sarcasm, “Not… scared, are ya…”
That did it. “Barn in ten minutes, Princess. I gotta go check some things first.”
The barn was empty, silent, and most of all cold. But at least it was dry. They stretched and warmed up in silence – each girl had her own methods of preparation, although they had both borrowed ideas from the other over the last six months.
Kim was dressed in her usual black sweater and cargo-pants. Except for being a little taller and perhaps fuller in the bosom, she really didn't look that much different from two and a half years ago when they first been trapped in this universe. Shego had also adopted the same manner of dress, although she preferred her cargo-pants black and her sweater green, of course. They faced each other.
Shego lit up her plasma for the fight.
At which Kim's forehead furrowed, “What are you doing?”
“Getting ready to fight. Whaddaya mean?”
“Ok, look. We're going to have to have some rules here, Shego. And first rule: no lighting up.”
Shego stood up straight, “What's the use of practicing if we're not going to make it real? It doesn't do me much good to practice if I don't use the glow, Kimmie.”
“Yeah, I get that, but – so what are you going to do, Shego? Let's say you get lucky and burn me for a change. Are you going to take me to the hospital? To see a doctor? Can't you just practice without…” Kim paused. Was this Shego's idea of fun? “… maybe this wasn't such a good idea…”
“No, maybe it wasn't” Shego replied snidely, out of old habit, and regretting it before she could stop herself. Shego had been looking forward to this more than she'd let on, and was more than a little disappointed that it might not happen. But… her glow was… part of how she fought. What possible use was it to 'practice' without using the glow? Besides, she'd never seriously injured Kim before with it, though God knows she'd tried… On the other hand, if she were to get lucky… and the glow was deadly, after all… Kim had a point. What WOULD she do?
In fact, they dared not really try to hurt each other. Although it wouldn't be as much of a crisis for Shego – her comet-glow also healed her injuries tens of times faster than normal – but if she were to seriously hurt Kim… then what?
“Okay Princess – you've got a point. No glow. And we pull our punches. Alright? Maybe we can at least get a little something out of this…”
Kim brightened – Shego could be okay, sometimes. Well, maybe even most of the time… “One more thing…”
Shego sighed, “What now?”
“I don't like it when you call me 'Princess'”.
Doy! Why do you think I do it!Shego thought. “Oh, but you like 'Pumpkin' and 'Kimmie' okay, do ya?”
Kim smiled and resumed her fighting stance, “Yeah. Kind of… I do.”
Shego blinked twice – she'd have to think about that later - and then the fight was on.
Next Fall – 3.5 years in the New World.
“Ow! Damn, Shego!”
“Sorry 'bout that… I tried to pull it but I was expecting you to – look, we've been over this! When I come out of the chibata with my back to you, you've got to be on the look-out for-”
“I know I know… 'beware the elbow capoeria'. It's just… blocking it is…”
“Ungraceful?”
“Well… yeah. It's just not smooth, y'know?”
“I know, but look at it this way – you be graceful, I get the hit. That a trade-off you really want to make?”
“I guess not. Heh, it's going to feel funny fighting you for real, once we get back…” Kim wished she hadn't said that.
Shego sighed, “Yeah. Well… one thing at a time, huh? I'm not sure I'd… uhm…”
Thinking quickly, Kim got them back on track, “Okay, so you're back's to me, and I'm just coming off a double-leg 540…” she assumed her position, “like so, right?”
Shego looked into Kim's green eyes almost long enough to her uncomfortable before turning around and assuming her freeze-frame position. “Right. On three. One, two…” The action went on non-stop for another half an hour.
That night, while Kim studied as usual, Shego made her rounds – generator, pump-house, flip on the lights in the green-house, make sure the gate to the chicken-coop was shut and all the chickens were inside… She wrapped her arms around herself. It was a chilly night, winter was just around the corner. Again.
One thing about having the planet to yourself – the night sky was incredible. No light-pollution at all. No pollution of any kind, for that matter. The sky was a solid, un-twinkling blanket of stars against black velvet. And hey! A shooting-star flashed by, Shego caught it out of the corner of her eye. Cool! And another! Wow, what are the odds – another! Although meteors were a bit like comets – and Shego hated comets passionately – the yellow streaks in the glittery black sky were too beautiful not to love.
She pounded on the outside of Kim's office window, “Kim! You gotta come outside! You gotta see this! I think it's a meteor shower or something!”
It was exactly that – the Perseids, to be precise, coming from the direction of Orion, as usual. The two girls laid on their backs in the still-dead grass and watched it. Shego noticed that Kim was sighing pretty much constantly.
Quietly, she said, “Something on your mind, Pumpkin?”
Kim sighed again. “I saw something like this once before. I was probably… oh, nine years old. Me and Ron were at the lake with our 'rents, and we just started seeing them, just like this, and we laid down on a picnic table to watch…” she trailed off, sighing again.
“You… uh, you miss the – you miss Ron, don'tcha…” Good catch, Shego… she probably hated it when I used to call him “the buffoon” all the time.
“Yeah. It just occurred to me – I hadn't thought about it before just now – he's graduated high school. Probably on his first year of college… or cooking-school… He always wanted to go to some cooking-school in New York City.”
“Ron cooked?” Shego asked incredulously. This was news to her.
“Oh, yeah! Really good at it too. I always thought it was kind of… stupid of him, wanting to be a chef. Now…” again, Kim trailed off.
“Now what?” Shego prodded gently.
“Now… now I guess I know what it's like to have a dream. He always wanted to be a chef, and I hope he's doing something about it.”
This was getting maudlin. Time to change the subject - “And what did you want to be?”
Kim thought about it. Good question – she knew what everyone else wanted her to be, but she'd never asked herself what she wanted. And neither had anyone else - until Shego, just now. “Oh… I don't know…”
“Yes you do. C'mon. I promise not to laugh.”
Kim turned her head to look at her to find Shego already turned and looking back. Kim had expected to find a smirk on Shego's mouth – but it wasn't there. Then Kim realized, she hadn't actually heard the other girl say anything sarcastic in… a long time. Okay then…
“I wanted to be a mother, mostly. I wanted to marry Ron and live in a split-level ranch house in the suburbs. I wanted to have two-point-five kids and three-quarters of a dog. Half a cat. I wanted to be an Average American Mom, is what I wanted. And maybe fly airplanes. I suppose that all sounds silly, to you.”
“Not as much as you probably think, Pumpkin.” Now Shego sighed.
“Shego? Are you… uhm… gay?”
That was out of the blue! Shego giggled, “Gawd, Kimmie, where did that come from? No. No, I'm not. Jesus!” The giggles became chuckles.
Kim had to smile too, “Well, y'know, I've never seen or heard about you with any guys… and you keep calling me 'Pumpkin', and… and the way you used to tease me when we fought, back in the World…”
Snorts began to erupt from Shego, “Kimmie! That was just to piss you off!” Her laughter died down as more serious thoughts came to the forefront of Shego's mind, “And besides, I did too see someone. Not that I was thinking 'kids' or anything, but yeah, there was someone I… well, could have trained, anyway.”
“Yeah? Who? Anyone I know?” Kim's curiosity was peaked.
“Uhm… okay – you promise not to laugh?”
“Cross my heart and hope to die.”
“Uh-huh. I bet. Senor Senior, Junior.”
It was a little funny. “SSJ? Seriously?”
“Like I said, I could have trained him. Frankly, I think he just needed a little ass-kicking to get his butt in gear, is all. And… well, he was hot. And, y'know… pretty good in bed, too.”
Now Kim did giggle, “You and SSJ? In bed?”
“Yeah, pretty funny, huh? I didn't laugh at you and Ron, if you remember…”
“Oh, I never… uh…”
“You never?”
“Uh… no…”
Sensing the Kim's discomfort, Shego decided to give her a break. Even if it was usually fun to embarrass the poor girl, she wouldn't be able to see Kim's trademark blush in the dark anyway. “Know who I REALLY liked?” she added.
“Who?”
“His dad.”
“Triple-S?”
“Oh, GAWD yes. There was a man with everything – money, class, confidence, a sense of fun… I swear, I would've paid to be his mistress! But… y'know… the age thing… maybe I could have made Junior more like him, in time. I damn sure would've tried, anyway.”
All this talk in past-tense was kind of killing the fun. After a few moments, Kim said, “We'll get back, Shego. I'm working as hard as I can…”
“I know. Sometimes, I think you're working too hard, actually. Maybe you should… take a vacation, sometime. Or something.”
“I'd like to… I'd really like to… but… I figured you'd hold it against me if I didn't… I mean, if it took too long…”
“Kim – I'm amazed that you've done what you've done so far. If you stopped right now, you'd have already done more than I ever would have. I don't have any right to expect anything from you. But I appreciate it. Okay?”
That caught Kim off-guard as much as Shego had been earlier. Apparently, Kim was going to have to re-evaluate everything she thought of her previous arch-nemesis. “Okay. Maybe we can go somewhere next spring or something.”
“Yeah. I wouldn't mind getting out of here for awhile myself.”
They watched the shooting stars for another hour in silence, absorbed by their own thoughts.