(Doors) 6*5*4*3*2*1
Shego Collared - Chapter 4
RON: “A New Hope.”
By: NoDrogs
A Kim Possible fan fic. Kim Possible and associated characters are property of the Walt Disney corporation and used here for nonprofit reasons without permission.
SHEGO: “Don't mess with the Mouse, his lawyers are tougher than a lot of criminals I know!”
Some violent and sexually suggestive material. Please do not read if you are a minor or find such material objectionable.
SHEGO: “But if you've made it this far, it's too late to turn back.”
Thanks for all the feedback, I was surprised how many reactions (and so quickly) I got. I’ve found that comments seem to be the raw fuel my fan-fiction engine runs on.
(Kim enters the theater and takes her seat)
RON: “Feel better now, KP?”
KIM: “Yes Ron, I really needed that.”
RON: “Don't mention it Kim, what are friends for if not to pour soda down a friend's pants when she gets out of line?”
Some concepts are based on the ideas other Kigo fan-fic writers and not my own.
KIM: “Does this mean we don't have to read those other stories?”
Some of the lines are based on movies and online comics, which I also do not own and which are used without permission. Read and enjoy.
RON: “But remember, this is going to be on the test Friday.”
This story is NOT part of my ‘Small Possibilities’ fan-fic series, but I did borrow a few concepts from there (such as Bertha Director).
Thanks for all the feedback, both on and the KPSlash board.
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“Ok, boys, get in the car.” said Dr. Possible.
SHEGO: “I call shotgun!”
KIM: “But I want to sit next to dad!”
SHEGO: “What? No, I was choosing my weapon to kill the writer of this mess.”
RON: “Ooo! I want to use a big catapult!”
Mrs. Dr. Possible checked the back of the vehicle, making sure all their luggage was ready to take on the plane.
KIM: “Let's see, rocket fuel, solid propellant, acid… oops! Can't take nail clippers on a plane!”
“Ok, Kim, we’ll be back Sunday afternoon. I’ve already put the phone numbers of the hotel and the convention center up on the refrigerator.”
“No problems, mom… just have fun at the convention center.” said Kim.
“Have fun, Mrs. P” said Monique. “Don’t worry about a thing, I’ll keep an eye on Kim and Shee-ga-roo while you’re gone.”
SHEGO: “Keep your eyes IN your head and off us, if you please.”
Kim turned her head, hoping her mother didn’t see that Kim was blushing.
“Have fun with Kim and Shee-ga-roo!” said Dr. Mrs. Possible to Monique, just before she climbed into the front passenger seat.
“Middleton National Airport, here we come!” said Dr. Possible, setting the vehicle in motion.
Kim and Monique watched as Kim’s family drove off, then turned and walked back inside the Possible home.
“They’re gone?” asked Shego. Shego was looking forward to seeing Kim treated like a dog for a week, even if Shego was going to get the same treatment alongside her.
KIM: “This Shego has weird ideas of fun.”
RON: “I wonder if Monique is going to have you two chase Frisbees and fetch sticks?”
SHEGO: “SHHH! Don't give them ideas!”
“They’re gone.” confirmed Monique. “Now, my services as pet sitter will start at noon, in about an hour. I say we have lunch and then discuss some details first.”
Kim’s family was planning to get lunch at the airport terminal, to make sure they weren’t late for their flight. However, Kim’s mom had prepared a lunch for the three women. As they ate, Monique spoke. “Ok, let’s get this clear before we start. Both of you want me to act as a pet sitter for the week, until either Kim’s parents get back or until one of you indicates that she quits. Correct?” Kim and Shego both nodded.
RON: “Thank you, Ms Recap.”
“Ok.” said Monique. “That means, for the week, that I will treat you as much like dogs as I deem necessary. Human standards of sanitation will be maintained, which means being properly clothed and using human-designated bathroom facilities. Further agreed?” Kim and Shego nodded again, Kim kind of surprised at seeing this aspect of Monique’s personality come out.
KIM: “What, I'm supposed to be surprised that we'll be allowed to use the toilet?”
Before Kim or Shego could say anything, Monique was once again speaking.
“Now, I know that either of you two could probably beat me in a hands-on fight without breaking in a sweat. I will take measures to reduce the possibility of that, and will expect that if one of you DOES throw a punch at me, that the other person will jump to assist me.
SHEGO: “She don't know us very well, do she?”
(Kim and Shego share a laugh)
However, I want you both to agree that you will do your best to NOT get angry with me and NOT assault me. Please remember that both of you decided to hire me, and that when I act like I do, it is because that is the way you have hired me to behave.”
RON: “There's a name for women who are hired to lead people around on leashes and make them behave like 'good dogs'. Err, not that I'd know anything about that.”
Kim and Shego glanced at each other. This was starting to sound a bit more daunting then either of them had expected. On the other hand, neither Kim nor Shego were the type to back down from a challenge.
“Agreed.” said Shego, followed closely by Kim saying “I agree.”
“Ok.” said Monique. “Now, I have not begun my services yet and, as far as I am concerned, either one of you can back out before one o’clock without forfeiting the bet. Once I begin, however, if either of you refuses to continue, that will mean losing the bet.”
KIM AND SHEGO: “I quit.”
KIM: “I quit first!”
SHEGO: “No you didn't, I quit first!”
RON: “You two ARE competitive!”
“I don’t lose.” said Kim.
“That makes two of us.” said Shego.
Monique went to a gym bag and pulled out a notebook. She opened it. “I have here a list of rules. Breaking a rule will result in a punishment, which may consist of being smacked with a newspaper, sprayed with a squirt bottle, or loss of a treat or privilege. Repeated violations, or a concentrated effort to avoid punishment, will result in me declaring the person responsible as having lost the bet.”
RON (Barney Fife): “Here at The Rock we have some very important rules!”
“Um, what do you mean by concentrated effort?” said Kim.
“Whimpering, acting like you don’t want to be squirted, and even the puppy dog pout will be considered typical pet behavior.” said Monique. “Use or threat of plasma blast, kung fu moves, or any other reaction a pet would not typically be expected to exhibit will be considered concentrated.”
SHEGO: “Can we bite her?”
KIM: “Nah, let's just chew up her shoes and piddle on her bed.”
“Sounds fair.” said Shego, speaking quickly so that Kim wouldn’t chicken out.
“Rule one.” said Monique, reading.
RON (Barney Fife): “Obey all rules!”
“I am in charge. If I give an order, I will expect it to be obeyed immediately. If you do not understand my instructions, you may ask me to explain. If you understand the order but not why I have ordered it, you may ask why AFTER you have obeyed it. Please note that, just because you ask why I order something, does not mean that I will tell you.”
KIM: “So if she says 'stick your head in a bucket of water', we can ask why AFTER we do it?”
SHEGO: “Oh this is going to a fun week.”
“Rule two: Use of human speech. If I ask you a direct question, you may use human speech in responding. When I am not present, you two may talk with each other in normal, indoor speaking tones… When I am present, I will expect your full attention. That means you will NOT speak in my presence unless I tell you that you may or if I ask you a direct question. Animal speak… growling, barking, purring, and so on… will be tolerated if not used excessively.
KIM: “OK, dogs bark at nothing at two in the morning. That's something we can drive her nuts with!”
I will expect all human speech to be polite, without use of profanity or excessive volume. You will address me as ‘Miss Monique’ If someone comes to the door or the telephone rings, I will answer it. You will NOT talk with anyone outside the house unless I permit it. Shego, you will continue responding and using the name ‘Shee-ga-roo’ Kim, your name will be ‘Pumpkin’”
SHEGO: “Hey! That's MY name for Kim, you can't use it!”
RON: “And you wonder why there are rumors about you two?”
Shego snickered. She had given Monique a list of ‘pet names’ that Shego had used for Kim, and it was obvious that Monique had selected one from the list.
Kim blinked. “Wait a minute, Monique…”
“Rules too strict, Kim?” asked Monique. “I thought you said you could handle being a pet?”
“I can!” said Kim, reflexively. “It’s just… Um, aren’t those rules a bit limiting?”
“Kim, normal pets aren’t allowed to talk at ANY time.” said Monique. “Well, if you don’t think you’re up for it…”
“I’m up for anything.” said Kim. “What’s next on the list?”
RON: “Cigarettes will not be used as currency. Any pet caught using cigarettes as currency will spend time in The Box.”
Monique tried to hide a smile. Shego didn’t bother, grinning at Kim’s response.
Monique looked at her notebook. “Rule three: Pets will stay in the backyard or indoors unless escorted by me. When outside of those two areas, each pet will be kept on a leash at all time. Disobedience on a walk may be punished through use of a shock leash.”
“Shock leash?” said Kim, startled.
ALL: “SHOCK LEASH!”
“Hey, you shocked me twice.” pointed Shego.
“That first time was an accident!” said Kim. “Besides, I only have one smart leash.”
“No problem.” said Monique. She reached into her bag and pulled out two smart leashes. “I had Wade whip me up two new leashes, keyed to my bio-prints.”
KIM: “Oh good, I was worried that you night not-- HEY!”
“Wade knows about this bet too?” said Kim.
Shego giggled at Kim’s shocked expression.
“Rule four: house chores.” read Monique. “House chores, such as cooking, laundry, and house cleaning will be assigned by me. Pets will be expected to do their chores to the best of their abilities, or be punished.”
RON: “And we all know how well pets do housework.”
“Hey, wait.” said Shego. “I’m a pet, not a maid!”
“Hey, these are my rules.” said Monique, crossing her arms in front of her.
KIM: “Well, Monique DOES make her parrot wash the dishes!”
“Either agree to obey them, or admit you can’t hack it with me as a pet sitter.”
Now it was Kim’s turn to grin as Shego agreed.
“Rule five: Bed times. Bed time will be when I say. Pets are expected to sleep where I tell them to. If you don’t feel tired, you will be expected to stay where I tell you until you fall asleep or until I tell you it’s ok. No sneaking into other people’s beds. That goes for both you and Kim, Shego.”
SHEGO (A little too quickly): “I don't know what she's talking about.”
KIM (Same): “Me neither.”
Shego blushed. It wasn’t HER fault that Kim’s bed was more comfortable than Shego’s.
SHEGO: “Oh, right.”
KIM: “Yeah, that's it.”
(Ron sighs and rolls his eyes)
“Rule six: Accessories. Pets are expected to wear their collars at all times.”
Kim gasped as she saw Monique pull a black collar from her bag that looked identical to the collar Shego was wearing. “She-ga-roo will wear her tag.
Pumpkin may carry appropriate ID. Neither will carry money, Kimmunicator, or other accessories unless I allow it.”
Monique looked at Kim and held out a hand, palm up. “Wait,” said Kim. “What if Wade or my parents need to get in touch with me?”
“I’ll be carrying the Kimmunicator.” said Monique. “Remember the ‘pets don’t answer the phone’ rule?”
KIM: “Nope, forgot already. Who are you, crazy lady?”
Feeling nervous, and as if part of her humanity was already being stripped away, Kim handed the Kimmunicator to Monique.
“Good girl!” said Monique, smiling at Kim. “Rule seven: Forbidden devices. Pets may not turn on, use, or adjust radios, alarm clocks, TV Sets, VCRs,
RON: “Rufus can program a VCR!”
telephones, Kimmunicators, or other electronic devices except when necessary to obey an order from me or to accomplish an assigned household chore. You may not close doors, except for bathroom doors when you need privacy. Even then, you are not allowed to use the locks. You may turn on light switches, but I expect you to turn off lights when you leave a room and no one is there. Understood?”
Wow, Monique has really planned this out thought Kim, even as she found herself saying “Yes” along with Shego.
KIM: “Except for the 'not close doors' thing. Does she mean we're allowed to OPEN doors? It doesn't seem consistent with this rule.”
“Good girls.” said Monique. “I will put these rules on the refrigerator, where you can consult them at need.” Monique went into the kitchen and used two magnets to hold the piece of notebook paper to the fridge door, placing it at where eye-level would be if Kim or Shego were on all fours.
SHEGO: “Four on the floor and a fifth under the seat.”
“Kim, you have twenty minutes left to make any arrangements you need before the rules go into effect.” said Monique. “I’ll be in the living room, watching TV.”
RON: “Cancel the cable TV, Fan-Fic Kim!”
Shego followed Monique out, leaving Kim in the kitchen. Weird thought Kim.
Monique seemed really to be getting into the trainer/pet thing. Kim glanced at the rules. She had to admit they made sense, if Kim and Shego were going to act as pets… but just the sight of the handwritten piece of paper, outlining how Kim and Shego would be expected to behave, sent a shiver down Kim’s spine.
Monique’s voice called from the living room. “Oh, pumpkin… it’s almost one o’clock… come in here.”
KIM: “It's not one yet, so I don't have to obey you, FISH FACE!”
Kim blinked, turning to look at the clock. Sure enough, more then fifteen minutes had just been spent with Kim staring at the rules Monique had written down. She quickly walked over to the living room.
Shego was ‘laying’ on the carpeted floor, grinning. Monique was standing, holding an open black collar in her hands. “Ok, Kim, decision time.” said Monique. “Put this collar on, and you agree to be a pet for the week or until one of you gives up on this bet. Refuse, and the bet is off. I already talked with Shego, and she agreed. Now it’s your choice.”
SHEGO: “You make the call!”
Kim glanced at Shego, seeing Shego’s familiar challenging sneer. She remembered the expression well from her fighting days with Shego. That look that silently asked if Kim thought she had what it takes. Kim growled, softly, and knelt.
“Collar me, Miss Monique.” said Kim firmly.
KIM: “Obey my order and make me your dog! Wait, that doesn't quite work…”
Monique smiled, fastening the collar around Kim’s neck just as the digital clock in the living room flashed ‘1:00’
(Shego points her finger in the air and makes a 'bang!' with her plasma)
SHEGO: “And they're off!”
“Ok, Pumpkin… go lay down by She-ga-roo while I watch my fashion show.”
Kim blinked a little in surprise. She had expected Monique to start by giving a set of typical ‘pet’ commands… sit, heel, fetch.
RON: “Save Timmy from the old mine…”
Monique frowned and reached over to push Kim down. “I said lay down. I don’t want to miss my show.”
Kim obediently laid down, next to Shego. Monique propped her feet up on a rolling ottoman and changed the channel to where a fashion show was coming on.
“What’s up?” Kim said softly to Shego… not softly enough. Kim yelped as she felt ice cold water being sprayed on her neck.
KIM: “I'm melting! Melting!”
She turned to see Monique, holding a spray bottle of the sort used to water indoor plants.
“Rule two: No talking when I’m present.” said Monique.
Kim rolled her eyes while Shego stifled a giggle.
This is going to be a LONG week thought Kim, even as she laid back down.
RON: “Yes, this was the week they had decided to add three more days to!”
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Kim sighed, bored. The first fashion show had lasted an hour, and Kim had been convinced it was the most boring thing she had ever seen. That’s when the SECOND fashion show had started.
KIM: “Oh God, we're in Hell!”
She had tried, once, to suggest Monique turn to a movie that all three of them could enjoy. Monique hadn’t let her get more than a few words out before spraying cold water in Kim’s face. The expression on Shego’s face… the smug smirk of superiority… had been even worse than the shock of coolness against Kim’s face.
SHEGO: “Oh, definitely.”
The fashion show ended, and Kim hoped that Monique wasn’t going to turn to yet a third show. To Kim’s relief, however, the dark-skinned girl just stood and stretched before turning off the TV. “Ok, time for exercise.” Monique pulled a yellow Frisbee out of her bag and headed for the backyard.
SHEGO: “I told you not to give them ideas!”
RON: “I'm sorry! I didn't know they could hear us!”
KIM: “'Sorry' doesn't feed the bulldog, Ron! Oh, darn! That was a stupid thing to say. I'm sorry Shego.”
Kim and Shego glanced at each other, their faces silently telegraphing ‘She has GOT to be kidding.’.
“Come on, puppies…” said Monique. “Do I need to get the newspaper?”
SHEGO: “Yeah, that's a better idea! I'll take the business section.”
KIM: “I'll take the funnies, I need some entertainment!”
After Kim getting squirted, twice, neither woman was willing to risk that Monique was bluffing. They hurried into the backyard, through a set of sliding doors.
RON: “And we mean RIGHT through the sliding doors, because Monique didn't say that they could OPEN doors!”
KIM: “Hee hee, that would have been great.”
“Ok, we’re going to play fetch.” announced Monique. “You’ll take turns… Pumpkin first, then Shee-ga-roo. I’ll throw the Frisbee. You are to go over, pick it up, and bring it back to me. You will hand the Frisbee to me… not throw it. If you understand, nod.”
Doy, how simple can you get? thought Shego, even as she and Kim both nodded. Monique grinned, then threw the Frisbee gently toward one corner of the yard.
“Ok, pumpkin, go get it.”
KIM: “I just don't get it, she keeps throwing that thing away and telling me to bring it back!”
Feeling vaguely embarrassed, even though only Monique and Shego were watching her, Kim ran over to where the plastic disk had landed and picked it up. She almost threw it back to Monique, before remembering the rules. She carried the plastic toy back to Monique and handed it to her.
“Good girl!” said Monique, smiling. Kim felt a mild, semi-irrational surge of pleasure at Monique’s praise.
“Ok, Shee-ga-roo, go get it!” said Monique and threw the disk in an opposite corner.
SHEGO: “Oh sure, Miss Monique. You throw the stupid plastic disk into a dirty, wet, bug-infested field and I'll run after it and bring it back to you in my mouth just so you can throw it away again! Oh yeah, that is a great idea! Wheee, ha ha! Oh boy, we are having fun now!”
I’ll bet I could plasma blast it thought Shego, but she went and brought the disk back, just like Kim had.
“Good girls.” said Monique, smiling at both of them. They continued playing, with Monique throwing the disk while Kim and Shego took turns returning it.
Monique threw the disk further and further on each toss, rewarding each girl with a smile when they brought the disk back. If the toss had been exceptionally far or the retriever had demonstrated extra eagerness in returning it, Monique added a few words of praise.
KIM: “And I thought the fashion show was boring!”
Monique glanced at her wristwatch. She had made sure that Kim and Shego weren’t wearing one, and had even considered covering all the clocks except hers.
RON: “Hasn't she ever heard of a 'Watchdog'?” (Rim shot)
SHEGO: “Careful, we're nearing our bad pun limit.”
However, she had decided that would be going a little too far.
She clapped her hands, loudly, to get attention. “Ok, girls… it’s almost supper time. Let’s go in.”
Monique led the way into the house, stopping at the sink to wash her hands. She tossed the Frisbee to Shego. “Shee-ga-roo, go put that back in my bag and wash up. Pumpkin, you wash up and come right back to help me with preparing dinner.”
KIM: “Oh NOW she's going to get it, right Ron?”
RON: “You're not THAT bad. OK, if she doesn't give you careful instructions, it could be bad.”
Monique directed dinner preparations, cooking some rice and warming up some beef stew that Mrs. Dr. Possible had left in the freezer. She made sure to compliment both Kim and Shego equally as the meal progressed. Fortunately, thanks to Ron’s training, Kim managed to avoid causing any embarrassing cooking fiascos.
RON: “See Kim? You just need proper supervision.”
KIM: “Darn, the bet would have been over if I had blown up the rice.”
“Ok, girls.” said Monique, fixing two plates and drinks. “Each of you grab a plate and go eat upstairs. Bring your dirty dishes downstairs after you’re finished eating.”
Kim opened her mouth to say something, but quickly shut it as Monique stared at her. Quietly, the two took their plates and obediently went upstairs.
SHEGO: “Where they plotted Monique's untimely demise.”
Once the two were out of sight, Monique allowed herself to relax. Wow, it’s actually working. Monique thought. Dad was right again. Let them know who’s boss, make the rules clear, and always remember to reward good behavior and punish bad. Keep those three things in mind, and the dogs will fall right in line. Of course, he never had THESE types of dogs in mind.
Monique ate quickly in the kitchen, then snuck upstairs. She listened carefully to hear what Shego and Kim were saying.
KIM: “Bad move, do you REALLY want to know what people think about you?”
RON: “Hey, Drakken's truth ray worked great for me!”
SHEGO: “How did it effect YOU, Kim?'
KIM: “I almost got dad banned from half the labs in the U.S. and Canada.”
Kim sat in the corner of her room, her plate balanced on her lap. She glanced at Shego, calmly laying on her bed and eating. “Have I been treating you like that?” Kim asked.
Shego considered. “Not quite. Like a non-intelligent pet, yes. Like Monique has been treating us, no. The main difference seems to be that she’s got a set of written rules and you didn’t.”
Kim frowned. “Hey, I didn’t squirt you with a water bottle.”
SHEGO: “Oh, big favor!”
“No, but you did shock me.” said Shego. “Also, you’ve had a threat over my head… you could push me out and let Global Justice have their shot at me.”
“Shego!” said Kim, protesting. “I wouldn’t push you out… well, not unless you were breaking the rules or threatening to hurt me or my family.”
“See what I mean?” said Shego. “Breaking the rules… whose rules, pumpkin? At least with Monique, we all know what the ground rules are.”
RON: “And the first ground rule is… uh… THIS is the ground!”
Monique smiled, tip-toeing back downstairs. So far, it seemed like her efforts were working perfectly.
KIM: “Soon Monique will rule the world!”
When Kim and Shego came down, Monique was just finishing eating. Shego was carrying the two cups, while Kim carried the plates. Monique smiled and put her own plate and cup on top of the two Kim was carrying. “Ok, after dinner chores. Tonight, Shee-ga-roo, you’ll wash the dishes, including the pots we used. Pumpkin, you dry and put them away. Shee-ga-roo, watch Pumpkin so you’ll know where to put the clean dishes away tomorrow.”
RON: “Or, you could just hide the dirty ones.”
SHEGO: “We'll bury them in the backyard. Dogs bury stuff, right?”
“What are you going to be doing?” asked Shego.
As fast as any gun-slinger in the west, Monique pulled her squirt bottle out of her pocket and sprayed into Shego’s face, causing the older woman to almost drop the glasses. “Rule two, remember?” said Monique. “If you feel the need to question why I give an order, you ask the question AFTER you do the instruction. If either of you want to say something, raise a paw and wait for me to call on you. Er, I mean, a hand.”
KIM: “Monique obviously doesn't do too well in biology class.”
Monique waited, to see if either Shego or Kim would say anything. Once assured of their silence, Monique went on. “While you two are washing dishes, I will be changing for our walk. While I will be doing part of the housework this week, you two can expect that you will be handling the lion’s share of the work.”
Monique waited to see their response.
(Kim and Shego stick out their tongues and make a “TTHHHPPPP!” noise)
Kim turned and entered the kitchen. Shego, frowning, followed Kim.
“Can you believe she squirted me?” grumbled Shego softly.
“Hey, she squirted me earlier.” pointed out Kim.
SHEGO: “Oh, it's always about you!”
“You could have warned me she had ice cubes mixed in with the water in that bottle.” said Shego. “I didn’t expect it to be that cold.”
Kim giggled.
KIM: “Did you expect ice water to be warm?”
Monique, listening in, smiled as she heard the sound of water running and then the dishes being cleaned. She grabbed her suitcase, with her clothes for the week, and carried it upstairs. Her bag of ‘pet supplies’ stayed downstairs, ready.
RON: “Ready for more EEEEEVIL!”
The walk started off well. Monique had led Kim and Shego through a quiet part of town with few people around. None of the trio was worried about muggers. Shego even partially hoped some mugger would be dumb enough to try it, just to give her an excuse to blast someone. When Monique had reached a clothes store thought, Kim started to resist. “Monique, I don’t want to go into a public store like… YELP!” The yelp of surprise/pain was due to Monique giving Kim’s leash a hard yank, hard enough to trigger the shock feature.
Monique glared at Kim. “Pumpkin, you just managed to get three strikes in a row.
KIM: “Well three strikes, I'm out!” (Gets up to leave but is forced back down by Ron and Shego)
SHEGO: “If we have to read this, so do you!”
First, you spoke out of turn, without getting permission. Second, you failed to call me MISS Monique. Third, you do NOT object to an order. Understood?”
Kim nodded, not wanted to get zapped again. She made a firm mental note to apologize, that night, to Shego.
“Look.” said Monique. “Shego told me that she likes to sunbathe, and you forgot to get her a bathing suit so she can sun herself outdoors without going sky-clad.
SHEGO: “'Sky-clad'? Is Monique an English witch or something?”
RON: “She's something, all right!”
Now, that means I’m going to have to buy it for her. You two are going to come in with me and be quiet, or I’ll shock you again. I already checked with the management, and they said they had no objection to people bringing in pets as long as they were well behaved. Do you two understand?”
KIM: “I'm understanding, but I don't understand this story, understand?”
RON: “No.”
KIM: “Good.”
Shego and Kim just nodded, then followed Monique obediently in. Monique went through a rack, holding up various suits against Shego until she found a green and black bathing suit that she thought would go well against Shego’s creamy-green skin. The suit appeared to be made of interlacing green and black triangles; green on the left side, black on the other. Monique then took her two ‘pets’ over to another rack, where she bought two long white shirts that had a set of paw-prints on the front. Apparently, Monique thought the shirts were cute.
SHEGO: “Most insane people would think it was cute.”
Out of the store, Monique asked who wanted to carry the bag home and praised Kim for volunteering. Kim smiled on the way home, forgetting about the earlier shock.
Once at the house, Monique dropped the next bomb shell.
RON: “Oh my God! She's a terrorist!”
She had bought and brought over another air bed, identical to the one Kim had bought for Shego. Shego was to sleep in one bed, Kim in the other. Kim’s normal bed was to be unused, while Monique was sleeping in the guest bedroom. Monique pointed out it wasn’t fair for Kim to sleep in a regular bed if Shego didn’t get to sleep in one also. She gave the two paw-print shirts to the ‘puppies’, telling them to sleep in those shirts.
KIM: “More punishment.”
Monique set up a routine the three followed through the week. In the mornings, Shego and Kim would shower and then took turns helping Monique prepare breakfast.
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KIM: “Excuse me, my pager is going off.”
“Pumpkin! I told you to stir the eggs!”
“I did!” responded Kim, eyes wide.
Monique sighed. “Pumpkin, when cooking scrambled eggs, you have to KEEP stirring them. How did you ever manage to pass home economics?”
Kim blushed. “I let Ron copy my history notes in return for helping me pass Home Ec.”
RON: “Kim, you said you wouldn't tell anyone!”
KIM: “I swear Ron, I never did! Somehow this NoDrogs guy got hold of our secrets!”
SHEGO: “Calm down, we'll get him when we get back to Earth.”
Monique waved a finger in front of Kim’s nose. “Bad puppy!”
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After breakfast, Monique assigned house chores for Kim and Shego and watched while the chores were done.
KIM: “Done to DEATH!”
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“SHEE-GA-ROO!”
“What? What?“ said Shego, trying to look innocent. “I’m emptying out the trash cans like you told me to.”
Monique growled and swatted Shego’s bottom with a rolled up newspaper. “You are supposed to be dumping them into a large bag to take to the curb!
RON: “Wait a minute, if Shego takes the trash out to the curb, wouldn't Monique have to take her out on a leash because of the pet laws?”
KIM: “Ha, some dog trainer she is!”
You are NOT supposed to be using your plasma powers to burn the trash… it smells in here, thanks to you.”
SHEGO: “But I took a bath!”
Shego rubbed her bottom. “But…”
Monique didn’t let Shego finish, and just thrust a large garbage bag into Shego’s hands. “Now go and do it the RIGHT way, or I’ll make you sleep downstairs on a blanket tonight.”
The threat of separating Shego and Kim quickly got Shego obediently emptying the trash the right way.
KPKPKPKPKPKPKPKPKPKPKPKPKPKPKPKPKPKPKPKPKPKP
Once a pet had finished her chores to Monique’s satisfaction, she was allowed a treat… Shego was allowed to go out, in her new green and black bathing suit, and sun-tan in the backyard, while Kim could watch TV with Monique.
SHEGO: “Did anyone tell Monique about my need to 'discharge'?”
(Kim and Shego laugh evilly)
Monique wouldn’t allow Kim to touch the remote or change the channels, but she would make sure to watch something that both she and Kim liked.
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RON: “Wow, it's just like a scene change on 'The Fearless Ferret'.”
Kim purred softly to herself, laying on the couch with her head in Monique’s lap.
RON: “Dogs don't-- aw forget it.”
The dark-skinned woman was softly stroking Kim’s hair as Kim watched the set. It reminded Kim of being a little girl, watching TV with her mother. The show on was a rerun, but Kim felt so safe and happy that she didn’t bother to ask her pet-sitter to turn the channel.
KPKPKPKPKPKPKPKPKPKPKPKPKPKPKPKPKPKPKPKPKPKP
Around 11, Monique would call whichever pet hadn’t helped with breakfast and the two would make lunch. After lunch was ‘exercise’ Monique either had the two girls spar against each other to keep in shape, or played ‘fetch’ with the Frisbee. She never let them throw the Frisbee, insisting on them taking turns carrying it back to her.
KIM: “And then she throws it away again and we bring it back to her and she throws it away again and we bring it back to her and she throws it-- I CAN'T TAKE IT ANY MORE! THIS STORY IS CRAZY!”
RON: “KP! Calm down, it's not that bad!”
SHEGO: “No, she's right! This story sucks out loud!”
KIM: “It's never going to end, me and Shego are going to be in doggy Hell forever!”
(Kim and Shego hug each other, sobbing)
RON: “KP! Shego! You can get through this! You've both been in tougher scrapes than this!”
SHEGO: “No, it's too horrible! Don't you see? We're trapped in a crummy fan-fic!
RON: “Come on, snap out of it!” (He slaps Kim and Shego)
KPKPKPKPKPKPKPKPKPKPKPKPKPKPKPKPKPKPKPKPKPKP
KIM: “I… I'm sorry Ron. I just lost it.”
RON: “It's OK, Kim, we all have our limits. Are you going to be alright?”
KIM: “Yes. I'm… I'm fine now (Sniff). Let's j-just get this chapter over with.”
RON: “That's my KP! How about you, Shego? Can you continue?”
SHEGO: “I'm not going to forget that you hit me, buffoon.”
“Ok, Kimmy, you’re going down…” said Shego, circling Kim and watching carefully.
“Miss Monique!” complained Kim. “Isn’t Shee-ga-roo breaking rule two?”
SHEGO: “Tattle-tale!”
“Nope.” decided Monique. “Shego said trash-talking was part of combat. You just need to learn to deal with it.”
Kim frowned and moved toward Shego, grabbing for Shego’s arm. The two began grappling, each woman trying to pin the other one beneath her.
Monique watched for awhile, untill the sparring match had dissolved into a pure wrestling match. It had rained earlier, much to Shego’s disgust (She had gotten used to the daily sun-bathing sessions), and the two tussling women were soon covered in mud.
RON: “WOOO!”
KIM: “Now we know why Ron wasn't affected by this story's badness.”
“Break it up, puppies” announced Monique. “Before I have to get the hose out and spray both of you. “
SHEGO: “Look out! She's upgraded from the spray bottle!”
Monique went into the house and came back with a bucket of water, wash cloths, and towels to let her two ‘pets’ clean up so they wouldn’t track mud into the house.
RON: “But that what dogs do! I'm beginning to think that Monique doesn't really know a lot about dogs.”
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Kim found herself enjoying both types of exercise; the sparring made Kim realize she had gotten sloppy from no longer needing to face Shego and helped improve her abilities, while the ‘fetch’ session always wound up with Kim and Shego being well praised. Kim and Shego both found themselves looking forward to receiving Monique’s compliments. All three would work together to fix dinner.
After dinner was the walk, and then bed.
KIM: “And then the next day we get to do it all over again. And then the next day and the next day-- “
RON: “KIM!”
KIM: “I'm OK, Ron.”
KPKPKPKPKPKPKPKPKPKPKPKPKPKPKPKPKPKPKPKPKPKP
Monique was leading Kim and Shego out on their evening walk. Much to Kim’s relief, no one she knew from school had yet seen them.
“Miss Thanewe. What are you doing?” demanded Mr. Barken, dressed in a jogging suit and obviously returning from a run.
SHEGO: “Yeah 'OBVIOUSLY', Sherlock.”
Oh man thought Kim, trying to hide behind Shego.
“Um, going on a walk?” said Monique.
“Why are you leading those two women on leashes?” demanded Mr. Barken. He craned his head. “Is that you, Miss Possible?”
KIM: “No, it's just someone who looks like me! And who speaks like me, and has my fingerprints, but it's definitely NOT me!”
“Pumpkin?” said Monique, signaling it was ok to answer.
“Yes sir, it’s me.” said Kim. She tried frantically to come up with an explanation why she was letting herself be led around like a dog.
“Explanation. Now.” demanded Mr. Barken.
SHEGO: “Oh this ought to be good.”
“Well, my dad trains police canines, and he taught me how to train also.” said Monique. “Pumpkin and… I mean, Kim and Shego here are helping me practice so I can try to qualify as an official service dog trainer.”
“Oh. Excellent work, Miss Thanewe.” said Mr. Barken. “Good luck on your qualification test.”
Mr. Barken jogged off, and Kim released a huge sigh of relief.
KIM: “Do you think he believed it?”
RON: “Nope, not one single word.”
KPKPKPKPKPKPKPKPKPKPKPKPKPKPKPKPKPKPKPKPKPKP
Whenever Mrs. Possible or someone else called, Monique would answer the phone. If it was Mrs. Possible, Monique would hand the phone over to Kim. Usually, though, she just told the caller that Kim was busy and then hung up.
RON: “A tactic that was useless against telemarketers.”
By the time next Sunday morning rolled around, Kim found herself actually feeling disappointed that the week would be over. Much to her surprise, this week as Shego’s fellow pet had brought her even closer to Shego than she had been before, as Shego’s owner. After the first day or two, Kim or Shego had never felt any desire to quit. Neither had consciously noticed as Monique had added standard dog commands to her routine. This morning, for example, both Kim and Shego had dropped to a crouched position when Monique had said ‘Sit’
SHEGO: “More weirdness. We must think of a SPECIAL way to show our thanks to NoDrogs for writing this story.”
After breakfast, all three woman worked to make sure the house was spotless for Kim’s family to return. At ten o’clock, shortly before the parents and tweebs were due, Monique spoke up. “Ok… the week is over. I’m very proud of both of you, you were the most obedient set of pets I’ve ever worked with.”
KIM: “It's over? GET HER! KILL! KILL!”
Kim found herself actually blushing at the compliment, feeling pleased by the comment as strange as it sounded. Shego smiled. “No more having to wave a hand… I mean paw… and wait for Miss Monique to call on us?” said Shego playfully.
“Not unless you want to, Shee-ga-roo.” said Monique. She took Kim’s kimmunicator out of her pocket and held it up to the collar around Kim’s neck. The black band of material clicked and opened, allowing Monique to remove it. Kim lifted a hand to her bare neck, surprised at how different her neck felt now that the collar had been removed. She felt… exposed.
RON AND SHEGO: “Oooo”
KIM(Southern Belle voice): “Oh, my lawd! My bare neck is showin'!”
“All right, Kim” said Monique. After a week of being called Pumpkin, Kim had to mentally shift gears at Monique calling her by her proper first name. “I hope you’ve been watching and picking up tips. The most important thing, whether you’re raising a pet or a child, is to be consistent. The rules can not be arbitrary.” Monique launched into the standard lecture she gave every person she had pet-sit for… the only difference being, this time the person she was lecturing had been one of the pets.
Kim listened, nodding earnestly and pocketing her Kimmunicator. Shego listened also, her eyes going wide.
SHEGO: “The three in the audience listened and were put into a coma.”
She hadn’t realized how much of Monique’s actions over the week had been deliberate pet training exercises. Why, the little minx… thought Shego, admiringly.
RON: “So Kim and Shego are dogs and Monique's a minx. I give up.”
Monique had her suitcase packed and ready. The bag, with supplies she had bought using the money Shego had provided, was up in Kim’s room. She was giving the items, except for the two smart leashes, to Kim and Shego. Since the smart leashes were keyed to Monique, they would have been no use to Kim.
Well, not unless I want Monique to come over and play ‘pet sitter’ again thought Kim, then shook her head firmly. Ron was right… this whole pet thing is a cornucopia of disturbing concepts.
ALL: “You said it!”
Kim smiled as she saw her parents drive up. “Hi, mom and dad! Hey, tweebs!” “Hi, sis!” said Tim and Jim, in stereo.
KIM: “How old-fashioned, it's digital quadraphonic sound these days!”
“Hi, Kimmy.” said Mrs. Dr. Possible.
“Did you have a good time at the convention?” asked Kim.
“Oh, I picked up a lot of new information.” said Mrs. Dr. Possible. “And your
father and the boys had a lot of fun.”
RON: “Yeah and it was really cool when the fire trucks and SWAT team and helicopter gunships arrived!”
“Great… I’ll help you get the luggage inside.” said Kim.
“Thanks for letting me stay over last week.” said Monique, getting ready to go.
“Thanks for helping Kim out, pet-sitting.” said Mrs. Dr. Possible.
“No problem!” said Monique, leaving with a smile.
SHEGO: “Her job done, Mary Poppins opened her umbrella and left another happy family behind as she flew away into the clouds.”
(Kim makes anti-aircraft gun noises)
KPKPKPKPKPKPKPKPKPKPKPKPKPKPKPKPKPKPKPKPKPKP
Kim finished helping her dad and brothers get the luggage out of the car. Well, last week was strange…
RON: “You're not kidding!”
but definitely informative Kim thought. Now, as long as my family doesn’t find out what happened, everything should be fine.
“Oh, Kim…” said Kim’s mom. “What is this piece of paper that was on the fridge door?”
Kim looked. It was Monique’s list of seven rules for pets.
ALL (Comedy trumpet noise): “Waa, waa, waaa!”
Bwa-ha-ha! Yeah, I know, I’m evil for cutting the story off there.
KIM: “No, you're evil no matter where you cut the story off. Come on, let's get away from this lunatic.”
Hopefully you enjoyed it. Comments / Suggestions / Typo reports appreciated.
(Doors) 1*2*3*4*5*6
Ron tip-toes onto the bridge/lobby, Rufus is there, working on some device. He drops a screwdriver that clatters to the floor loudly.
“Shhh! You have to be quiet,” Ron hissed. “Kim and Shego had a rough time in the theater and are taking a nap. So please be quiet, pal.”
“Kay,” Rufus whispered, holding a finger to his lips and going back to work.
Ron tip-toed over to a sound center and carefully selected a CD.
“They asked me to put on some soft music to help them sleep,” he explained. “Rufus, did we put the CDs back in the proper cases after last night?”
“Idunno,” his pal shrugged.
“I'm sure we did. Well, this should help them rest.”
“WHO LET THE DOGS OUT? WOOF! WOOF-WOOF! WOOF!”
A green plasma blast flew across the room and blew the player to pieces seconds before an angry redhead slammed into Ron, followed by an equally angry brunette. Lights flashed and a horn sounded.
“Hey you guys, it's Fan-Fic Sign!” Kim yelled and with Shego's help, threw Ron through door #6 just after it opened.