Back on the bridge/lobby, the inmates were trying to make sense out of the story while Rufus contentedly ate nachos.
“OK, so Kim has adopted Shego who pretends to be a dog because the UN has declared Shego to be 'not human', right?” Ron summed up.
“Yeah, that appears to be --if you'll excuse the expression-- the plot,” Kim answered.
“OK, I can take a joke as well as anyone,” Ron continued. “But I'm having trouble with this thing right there. For one thing, how could ANYONE say that Shego isn't human? That would be like saying a bicycle is a HORSE. The vet's examination alone would have blown the decision away!”
“Also consider the fact that the United Nations is an international counsel, not a ruling or legislative body,” Shego added. “They can only pass resolutions or bring about collective action, not pass laws, so that is something else that could bring the story to a screeching halt.”
“Look, I keep repeating to myself that it's just a story and I should really just relax, but this is bugging me too!” Said Kim. “I just wish someone could make it a little clearer.”
“Ino!” Rufus squeaked, popping out of the plate of nachos.
“All right Rufus, if you can tell us what it's all about, go ahead,” said Ron.
Cracking his knuckles and clearing his throat, the Naked Mole Rat began chattering and making several gestures (some of which seemed kind of OBCENE). When he was done, he returned to eating the chips and cheese.
“What did he say, Ron?” Kim asked.
“I have no idea, KP.”
“Buffoon, just when I think you couldn't get any more-- we got fan-fic sign!”
(DOORS) 6*5*4*3*2*1
Shego Collared - Chapter 2
By: NoDrogs
KIM: “Dang, it's the same story.”
A Kim Possible fan fic. Kim Possible and associated characters are property of the Walt Disney corporation and used here for nonprofit reasons without permission.
Some violent and sexually suggestive material. Please do not read if you are a minor or find such material objectionable.
RON: “Your Honor, I object to this material being presented to the jury!”
SHEGO: “Objection over-ruled, unfortunately.”
Thanks for all the feedback, I was surprised how many reactions (and so quickly) I got. I’ve found that comments seem to be the raw fuel my fan-fiction engine runs on.
KIM: “It runs on and on and on and on…”
Some concepts are based on the ideas other Kigo fan-fic writers and not my own. Some of the lines are based on movies and online comics, which I also do not own and which are used without permission. Read and enjoy.
This story is NOT part of my ‘Small Possibilities’ fan-fic series, but I did borrow a few concepts from there (such as Bertha Director).
SHEGO: “Oh goody, he's ripping off his own stories!”
XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX
Director Avery Juan-Dize glared at the papers in front of him. The top paper was a faxed copy of a pet registration form, from the Middleton Animal Control Board, with ‘APPROVED’ stamped on the top. A tag for a canine-like pet, ‘Shee-Ga-Roo’, under the ownership of Kim Possible, had been issued. Normally, this would not have been something brought to the attention of the head of an UN chartered, international crime-fighting organization. The problem was that ‘Shee-Ga-Roo’ was also Shego, the woman that Director Juan-Dize had arranged to be legally declared a non-human.
RON: “Recounted for those of you who don't like to read first chapters.”
“She can’t do this!” snarled Director Juan-Dize.
KIM: “I can and I did. The evidence is right in front of you.”
The Global Justice head legal associate, Mr. Dissed, cleared his throat. “I’m rather afraid she can and has, sir.
KIM: “See, smarty pants?”
Her associate, Mr. Load, has forwarded to my office proof that Kim Possible has filled out and filed all the required paperwork. There are no rules against her owning Shego, since Shego currently consists of a species of one.”
SHEGO (Singing): “One is the loneliest number that you'll ever do…”
“She’s harboring a terrorist! A known international criminal who has broken more laws then you’ve had doughnuts!” said Director Juan-Dize.
RON (As Dissed): “That was a cheep shot, sir.”
“Sir, Miss Possible is currently harboring a being who was once known as an international terrorist” said Mr. Dissed. “Unfortunately, now that Shego, or ‘Shee-ga-roo’ to use her legal name, is now considered an animal, she can not be held responsible for her previous transgressions. The blame for those crimes must be placed on the person or persons acting as her owner at the time.”
SHEGO: “Yeah! It's all Drakken's fault!”
“What if we declare her an endangered species? Aren’t there rules about owning a member of an endangered species?” demanded Director Juan-Dize.
“Yes sir.” admitted Mr. Dissed. “Unfortunately, she would then be under protection of various government agencies. I’m afraid, sir, that you must either give up your hunt for Shego or have the ruling concerning her legal humanity reversed.”
KIM: “So blow it out your red tape, pretty boy!”
“Are you trying to ruin me?” snarled the director. He stood up and began pacing. “Either action will make me look as weak as that one-eyed wimp I replaced. There must be another way.” He paced. “All right, animal rights. She registered Shego as a dog. Aren’t there regulations for taking care of a dog?”
SHEGO: “Oh, he's concerned about my ANIMAL rights, but not my rights as a HUMAN! What are you Juan-Dize, a tree hugger?”
“Yes sir.” said Mr. Dissed. “However, the penalties for breaking those regulations are minor, even assuming that Kim Possible fails to comply with them.”
“I don’t care.” said the director. “Hound Miss Possible, hound Shego, hound Miss Possible’s parents… find me the leverage to get that BITCH!”
RON (Scottish accent): “The pun meter canna take much more, cap'n!”
XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX
Shego paced the confines of Kim’s bedroom, the raven-haired woman careful not to make any sound. Kim planned to tell her family, then to bring Shego out so they could meet her. Shego had snuck into the room through an open window, so that there was no way the Possible clan knew she was up here.
KIM: “The missing silverware set and cash made them suspect something was up, however.”
Shego had been careful to act like her normal bored self when Kim had opened the window and let Shego in, but the thought of meeting Kim’s family was a little frightening. Shego’s own family, in her book, was a text-book example of dysfunctional.
SHEGO: “Or just plain goofy.”
The thought of meeting the family that was the text-book example of ‘stereotypically perfect’ and then announcing she was the new family pet… to say that Shego was feeling a tad nervous was like saying one of Dr. Drakken‘s plans for world-conquest was a tad over-complicated. It felt like her stomach was full of butterflies. Or maybe genetically engineered otter-flies, like that cuddle-buddy D.N.Amy wore around her neck.
RON: “Is it just me, or is anyone else worried that there is a reason DNAmy gets more than one mention in this fan-fic?”
KIM: “It's not just you, Ron.”
SHEGO: “Agreed.”
XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX
Kim Possible cleared her throat, looking nervous. She had just finished eating, making a mental note to take a plate (she almost thought bowl) up for Shego later. She wished that Ron could be here to help, but he had claimed that tonight was a special night for his family. Kim wasn’t sure if Ron had been telling the truth or just trying to dodge a situation that was going to be the text-book example of ‘Awk-Weird’.
RON: “Oh man, busted!”
Mrs. Dr. Possible looked up. “Is something up, Kimmy?” she asked. She suspected something was up with her little bubble-butt…
RON: “Hey! Mrs Dr. Possible doesn't have a bubble-butt!”
SHEGO: “No, you see Kim--”
KIM: “Shego, I'll give you a peanut butter cookie if you don't finish that sentence!”
SHEGO: “Deal.”
Kim had been very concerned when she had learned that someone had replaced Dr. Director as head of Global Justice, and then over the whole ‘Shego isn’t human’ thing.
“Yes… yes there is.” said Kim. Literally up, considering where Shego is…. Kim went into her prepared speech.
KIM: “Four score and seven years ago…”
“Mom, you know how we’ve both talked about what Mr. Juan-Dize did to Shego is wrong, how even if she was a criminal, she didn’t deserve what he’s doing to her now?”
Mrs. Dr. Possible nodded. “Of course, Kimmy. The basis that whole ruling is based on is absurd. It makes no provisions concerning possible future mutation or evolution as a species as a whole, it ignores the fact that the event that changed Shego did not occur with her consent, and it sets an extraordinarily dangerous precedent.”
RON: “Kim, could you explain one part of that speech to me?”
KIM: “Sure Ron, what part?”
RON: “The part that comes after 'of course, Kimmie'.”
“Right.” said Kim. “And, Dad… you know how you always talked about how raising a pet taught responsibility?”
If Dr. Possible was puzzled by the apparently random change in the course of the discussion, he didn’t show it. “Of course, Kim. Why, I remember my pet mouse when I was a youngster… Pinky Joe Curly Tail. -sigh- Too bad about the whole cybertronic battle armor incident.”
SHEGO: “When did that happen?”
KIM: “It was while my dad was still in college.”
SHEGO: “You know, I think we just found out why Dr D is afraid of the Mole Rat.”
“Well, this is only going to be temporary until I can find a way to get Shego declared human again…” said Kim. “But… I’ve adopted Shego.”
Mrs. Dr. Possibly blinked. “Sweetheart, you’re not old enough to adopt Shego as a child. Even if you did, the ruling against her humanity was based on her genetic code, not on who her parents are.”
RON: “Dut isn't your genetic code determined by who your parents are? At least I think that's the way it works, I slept half-way that part of biology class.”
“Not as a child. As a pet.” said Kim. She hurriedly spoke as she saw her parents exchange puzzled glances. “Don’t you see? If she’s my pet, then she can’t be classified as a wild animal. As long as she acts like an obedient pet, Global Justice can’t do anything to hurt her.
SHEGO: “'Obedient', huh? Well, I'm screwed.”
They’ll have to give in and restore her ‘human’ status.”
Jim Possible spoke up. “Shego as a pet?”
Tim Possible spoke up. “Shego with the glowing green hands?”
The two twins gave each other a high-five. “Badical!” they cheered. “This so blows Sherman Peabody’s talking dog out of the water!”
“Now, boys.” said Dr. Possible, sternly. “We haven’t said yet if Kim could keep Shego as a pet yet or not. Keeping a pet is a big responsibility. Kim would have to make sure to keep Shego fed and exercised, and make sure that Shego didn’t make a mess on the carpet.”
KIM: “You mean like blood-stains?”
“Dear,” said Mrs. Dr. Possible, “I’m reasonably sure that Shego is house-broken. Kim, you said you’ve adopted her… does that mean you’ve already put in the paperwork? Is this legal?”
Kim nodded. “Yes, mom. Wade went over all the laws and regulations that apply. Since she’s now legally an animal, she can be ‘adopted’ by any person who can prove they can take care of her and is willing to be responsible for her behavior.”
“Behavior.” said Dr. Possible. “So, if she robs any jewelry stores, or swings from trapezes, or whatever else those crazy circus-people do, you’ll be the one to take the blame?”
SHEGO: “What is it with your father and circus people?”
KIM: “I have no clue.”
Sometimes, Kim wondered if rocket exhaust fumes caused brain-damage. She dearly loved her dad, but sometimes he was so… well, spaced-out. The rockets/brain-damage link would explain the tweebs, who played around with rockets all the time and certainly acted brain-damaged in her book. “Dad, don’t worry about it. Shego has totally promised to behave for me. Um, and I’m calling her Shee-ga-roo now. We thought it would help with the paperwork.”
RON: “But to our surprise, changing names does nothing to make paperwork easier. Unless you were to change your name to match the smartest kid in math class and switch tests.”
“Well, dear.” said Mrs. Dr. Possible. “I’m not sure if I approve, but you’re old enough to make your own decisions when it comes to having a pet. Don’t you agree, dear?”
“Just as long as she obeys the house rules.” said Dr. Possible. “Especially about not having boys over.”
Mrs. Dr. Possible looked thoughtful. “Kimmy, if you are Shego’s owner now, doesn’t that mean you should know where she is?”
SHEGO: “It's nine PM, do you know where YOUR Shego is?”
Kim nodded. “She’s upstairs in my room… I figured she could sleep on the floor, or something.”
“Well, I suppose I could make up a guest bedroom for her…” said Mrs. Dr. Possible.
“Aw, mom…” said Tim.
“…no way!” continued Jim. “If Kim gets an extra room for her pet, then…”
“…we want a room for our rockets.” finished Tim.
KIM: “They HAD a room for their rockets until they blew it up!”
“The boys have a point, dear.” said Dr. Possible. “I don’t think it’s fair that Kim have a separate room for her pet. Shee-ga-roo can just sleep in Kim’s room, with Kimmy.”
RON: “Sleeping With the Enemy.”
Rocket fume induced brain damage rules! thought Kim, eagerly. Part of her wondered why she was so eager to have Shego sleeping in her bedroom, but Kim firmly told that part it was because she wanted to be able to keep track of the woman.
“Ok.” said Mrs. Dr. Possible. “Oh, is it all right to feed your pet leftovers?”
Kim nodded. “Sure… would you like me to bring her down so you can see her?”
“Ok.” said Dr. Possible. He held up an admonishing finger. “But I’m going to enforce the same pet rules that my dad set on me. No feeding the pet at the dinner table with the family.”
SHEGO: “Good. While Kimmie serves me at the table, her family can eat on the back steps.”
KIM: “That's not what he meant, Shego.”
SHEGO: “Letter of the law, Possible. Letter of the law.”
Mrs. Dr. Possible, having gotten used to her husband’s strange quirks, just went about fixing a plate for Shego.
XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX
RON: “This map is useless! How are we supposed to know which X the treasure is buried under?”
Shego had worried for awhile about what to wear to meet the family. The process was either made simpler or much more complex by the fact she only had a limited selection. With Wade’s help, Shego had verified there were at least one of her accounts… namely, a numbered Swiss bank accounts… that Global Justice hadn’t found and seized yet. Unfortunately, the money from that account had to be transferred to another account before it could be spent.
SHEGO: “Shopping spree!”
KIM: “WHOOO!”
Since Shego was not currently legally a person, she’d have to wait until Kim set up a ‘pet care’ account. Then, Shego could transfer some of her funds into that account and have Kim buy Shego new stuff. Until then, Shego’s clothing selection was limited to the green-and-black jumpsuit she had been wearing when she left the lab, and some clothes of Kim’s that were loose on the smaller cheerleader but rather tight on Shego.
RON: “Not that that's a BAD thing…”
SHEGO: “I'd hit you if it weren't true.”
Finally, Shego decided on the jumpsuit as being the garment she was most familiar with wearing.
Kim opened the door. “It’s ok… come on, they want to meet you.”
KIM (whistles): “Here Shego, come on girl!”
Shego took a deep breath. “Right, princess.” Shego’s imp of mischievousness, which seemed to have replaced the stereotypical shoulder-mounted angel and devil when Shego was very young, chose that moment to poke Shego. “Should I get on all fours?”
Kim blushed. “Upright is fine… they understand it’s just a legal fiction. Well… mom does.”
“Fact is stranger then fiction, Kimmy.” said Shego, stepping out of the room.
RON: “And fan-fiction is stranger than anything!”
“And let’s face it, Kim… who do you know that’s stranger then us?”
KIM: “Team Go, DNAmy, Monkey Fist, Bonnie when she's coming on to a boy… um, I'll make a list later.”
Kim led Shego downstairs, to the kitchen area where her family was waiting.
“Mom, Dad, tweebs…” said Kim, nervously. “This is my Shee-ga-roo.”
Shego glanced around. From covert observations of Kim Possible, she already knew quite a bit about Kim’s family. She wasn’t sure what to do.
SHEGO: “So she settled for throwing plasma and ripping faces off.”
Dr. Possible filled the awkward moment. He stepped forward and extended his hand. “Shake!”
RON: “Thanks, Dr P! Chocolate if you have it.”
oh…. kay… thought Shego, as she extended one hand and obediently shook hands with Kim’s father. No wonder Kim gets along so well with that goofy sidekick of hers, if this is what her dad is like.
KIM: “Sadly, that's kind of true.”
“Boo-yah!” said one of Kim’s brothers. Shego had no idea if it was Tim or Jim.
Whichever it was, the other one immediately said “Kim, can we help you take care of her?”
The first said “And take her to show-and-tell?”
“Now, boys.” said Mrs. Dr. Possible. “Shego is KIM’s pet. If you want a pet, you’ll have to find one of your own and take care of it.”
The two boys complained “Aww, mom…”
Kim smiled. “Don’t worry, mom. It’s not like I have to take Shego out for walks or something.”
SHEGO: “Thank Heaven for small favors!”
Kim’s Kimmunicator chose that moment to beep. Kim pulled it out and activated it. “Yah, Wade?”
“Kim, urgent news.” said the young computer genius. “You’re going to have to take Shego out for walks.”
“What?” said Kim and Shego, almost at the same time.
(They yell “what” in the audience too)
RON: “Director Juan-Dize must have the place bugged!”
“I just got an e-mail from someone at Global Justice.” said Wade. “Director Juan-Dize does not believe in giving up without a fight. He’s got a team set to follow you and Shego around. If he catches you breaking one rule of pet-care… such as letting Shego go outside without a leash… he’s going to bust you.”
“That guy does NOT know when to give up.” said Shego. She thought for a moment.
“Kim? Since I’m a dog and all, can I go bite him? Please?”
SHEGO: “Yay! Another loop-hole!”
“No!” said Kim, as firmly as she could. “Look, sooner or later, this will blow over. Until then… well, I guess I’ll have to get a leash.”
Wade, on the Kimmunicator, said “I’ll get a list on what regulations you’ll have to watch out for. Want me to call Ron and see if he can help you with some pet shopping?”
“Please and thank you.” said Kim. “Oh, and check if he’s got a leash he can bring over.”
RON: “Actually, I do. Remember Kim, when I took Rufus to the dog show and told everybody that he was a 'Peruvian Hairless'?”
SHEGO: “You are not normal.”
RON: “Never be normal!”
“I can’t believe this.” said Shego.
“Look, Shego.” said Kim. “If you want to go out and help us pick the stuff for you, you’re going to need a leash.”
“Fine.” said Shego. “Just don’t let buffoon-boy hold my leash. I’m YOUR pet, not his.”
“Wade, we need to find out some more information on this Avery guy. Any idea on where Dr. Director is, so we can contact her?” said Kim.
KIM: “Oooo! Blackmail!”
“I’ve pulled his bio. He’s a former police officer and former special forces.” said Wade. “No idea on where Dr. Director is, but I’ll start searching.”
“You know, Kimmy.” said Dr. Possible as Kim shut off the Kimmunicator. “If you want to know where Dr. Director is, you might try calling Nana and asking if she knows.”
“Nana?” said Kim, puzzled.
KIM: “Nana Possible, my grandmother you Kim-Clone!”
“Who’s Nana?” said Shego suspiciously.
“Nana Possible, my grandmother.” explained Kim.
“That’s right.” said Mrs. Dr. Possible, realizing what Dr. Possible meant.
“She’s friends with Bertha Director.”
“Who’s Bertha Director?” said Shego.
RON: “I don't know.”
KIM AND SHEGO: “Third base!”
RON: “D'oh!”
Kim shrugged, not knowing.
“Bertha Director is Betty Director’s mother.” said Dr. Possible. “Bertha was also the second woman to pass Navy underwater demolitions training… Nana and Bertha have been friends for a while. I’m sure Nana can find out how to contact Dr. Director.”
“Anyway, it’s too late to call Nana now.” said Mrs. Dr. Possible. “There’s the time difference and remember, Nana likes to go to sleep early. You can call her tomorrow.”
SHEGO (Southern accent): “For after all, tomorrow is another day.”
RON: “What?”
KIM: “He's on second.”
RON: “Damn!”
“For now, shopping time.” said Shego eagerly.
“Not yet.” said Kim. “We have to wait for Ron first.”
“Why don’t you feed your pet while you’re waiting?” said Mrs. Dr. Possible. “I fixed a plate for her on the kitchen counter. Boys, go upstairs and work on your homework.”
“Aw, mom…” the twins complained, even as they headed for their own room.
“Kim, we’ll let you and your pet have some privacy.” said Dr. Possible. “It’s important that you have time together to bond.”
KIM: “(Shudder) After a certain incident with Bonnie, I try to avoid the word 'bond'.”
RON: “Likewise, Kim.”
SHEGO: “Do I want to know?”
RON: “No.”
“Come on, dear.” said Mrs. Dr. Possible, leading Kim’s father out.
“Sorry if my parents are a bit weird.” said Kim.
ALL (Singing): “Their creepy and they're kooky, mysterious and spooky. They're all together ookie, the Possible family!”
“Kimmy, my parents totally freaked over having kids who were suddenly super-powered.” said Shego. “I haven’t seen my mom since I was sixteen, and my dad won’t even let us acknowledge who he is in public. If that’s normal, I’ll take weird any day.”
Kim blinked. Strange to say, she had never wondered much about Shego’s parents. It was obvious that Shego must have had parents, it’s just Kim had no idea who they were or what they were like. Judging from what Shego had just said, Kim was very lucky to have the parents she did instead of parents like the ones Shego had.
XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX
KIM: “The above sentence has been censored for security reasons.”
Shego had eaten quickly, using the silverware despite the impish desire to eat with her hands or just her mouth, like a dog. Now she found herself actually eagerly awaiting Ron to show up. She would never have believed it possible, but she had found the two people even more annoying than the blonde sidekick… and their names were Jim and Tim Possible.
RON: “True, but they have the advantage of numbers.”
The two had come down after Shego had finished eating, and were currently pelting Shego with questions.
SHEGO: “In return, I pelted them with rocks.”
KIM: “Yay, team Shego!”
“How come your skin is that color? Were you burned by acid?”
“Oh no, it‘s just terribly comfortable.” said Shego. “In the future, I think everyone will be this color.”
SHEGO: “At least, when I rule the world they will.”
“How come when your hands glow, your gloves don’t burn off?”
“The gloves are made of a special material.” explained Shego. “They have little ‘needles’ built into the tips to vent the plasma, so they don’t burn or blow up when I use my powers.”
“What can you burn and blow up?”
“Want me to show you?” said Shego, her hands glowing bright green as she glared at the two young boys.
“Shee-ga-roo!” said Kim reproachfully. “Tim, Jim… stop badgering my dog.”
KIM: “Hey, maybe I can register the tweebs as BADGERS!”
“But Kim…” protested the young twin boys, in perfect sync.
“Anyway, here’s Ron.” said Kim, having spotted her best friend through the living room window.
(Ron hums the “Tonight Show” theme song)
“Hey, KP.” said Ron, entering the front living room.
“Did you bring a leash?” asked Shego. “I can’t wait to get out of here.”
“Better.” said Ron. “A little bird-bot dropped this off for me while I was on my way.”
RON: “Oh no, it's a trap from Aviarius!”
SHEGO: “Oh help, he's going to BORE us to death.”
Ron held up what appeared to be a leash, made out of some shiny metal cable. One end featured a snap-on carbine ring, the other end held a jet-black plastic handle.
“One of Wade’s inventions?” said Kim.
“Yup.” said Ron. “Just in case Global Justice gets worried about Shego ‘accidentally’ getting off the leash. 100 plasma proof.”
“Oh, gee. I feel safer already.” said Shego, sarcastically. “Has anyone noticed I can just undo the hook?”
SHEGO: “Don't tell them how you can escape, idiot!”
“Look, Shego, it’s just until this Avery guy finds someone else to hassle.” said Kim. She took the two ends of the leash, and then clipped the leash to the D-Ring on the front of Shego’s collar, right in front of her tag.
“This is just stupid.” complained Shego. She reached out and tried to undo the clip. Much to Shego’s surprise, the clip didn’t open… not even when she pressed against the little lever as hard as she could. “It’s stuck!”
RON: “Aw, can't the big, bad thief undo a little latch?”
(Shego blasts Ron out of his chair)
SHEGO: “Are you going to say something, Possible?”
KIM: “No and somehow I can't blame you.”
“Let me try.” said Ron. He reached out and pressed, but the clip stayed closed.
Kim pulled out her Kimmunicator and activated it. “Wade? Something’s wrong with that leash you provided. Ron and Shego can’t get it to unclip.”
“Nothing’s wrong.” said Wade, over the high-tech communication device. “That’s a smart leash. I preprogrammed it to your biometric signature, Kim, so the clip will only open or close for you. The smart leash was originally designed for working with large, dangerous animals.”
“I resent the large part.” said Shego. “Dangerous is fine.”
KIM: “And I also resent your large… (Sees Shego glareing at her) Yeah, 'dangerous' is fine.”
Kim took the handle of the leash. “Well, let’s go.”
XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX
It was a short walk to Ron’s favorite store for pet supplies (and every other type of supply)… Smarty Mart.
“Smarty Mart? Couldn’t we go to Club Banana, or Chez Pets?” said Shego.
“Um, hello?” said Ron. “Chez Pets is the snootiest pet store around.”
“Yeah, Shee-ga-roo, I don’t have that kind of money.” said Kim. “And it’s not just pet goods, we have to get you some more clothes, and I can’t afford that many Club Banana outfits.”
SHEGO: “And it shows.”
KIM: “Thank you, Miss CATSUIT.”
“Fine, but tomorrow you’re setting up a bank account so I can transfer some money in.” said Shego. “What’s the use of having money if I can’t spend… er, have someone else spend it?”
“Hi there!” said a man at the front doors, wearing a foam-rubber brain costume.
“Welcome to Smarty Mart, where smart shoppers shop smart!” The man looked at the trio and did a double-take. “How come she’s wearing a leash?”
KIM: “Sorority initiation.”
“Oh, that’s Shego… Shee-ga-roo.” said Ron. “She’s Kim’s dog.”
“Um, we have a strict policy of no dogs allowed in the store.” said the man.
“What about service dogs?” said Shego. “I could be your seeing eye dog.”
“My seeing eye dog?” echoed the costume wearing man, confused. “But I’m not blind.”
Shego raised her green-glowing hands. “You’re going to be.”
(Ron climbs back into his theater seat)
RON: “Oh guys, you'll never guess what happened! I had an out-of-body experience and saw Heaven! Elvis was there and he played great Jazz with Clyde McCoy and Duke Ellington! They… Aw man, it's this story again!”
SHEGO: “Sorry I blasted you, Stoppable.”
RON: “Shego, do me a favor and blast me again.”
“Shego!” said Kim firmly, yanking on the leash to keep Shego away from the man.
Much to Kim and Shego’s surprise, the smart-leash reacted by delivering a painful electrical shock to Shego.
“Ow!” said Shego, rubbing the collar.
SHEGO: “I told you it came from the fetish store!”
“Shego… I’m sorry, I didn’t know it’d do that!” said Kim. “But you can’t go around threatening to hurt people!”
“Yeah, or worse, actually hurting people!” said Ron.
RON: “But you could get free seconds on nacos!”
KIM: “Let it go Ron, real life here.”
Kim quickly tried to calm Shego down. “Look, I know your sizes… we can go out tomorrow, shopping for new stuff. You just stay out here for now, and we’ll be right back out.”
Kim took the end of the smart leash and wrapped it around a bike-rack, tying it in a quick knot.
Ron took Rufus out of his pocket. “Rufus, keep an eye on Shego, ok?”
“Aye-aye!” squeaked Rufus, saluting.
“Oh, this is just moopy.” grumbled Shego, watching as Ron and Kim walked into Smarty Mart. “Now I’m being pet-sat by a vermin.”
SHEGO: “Yep, I've hit rock bottom. May as well just drop me in a hole and throw dirt in my face.”
“Please!” squeaked Rufus. “Nakah’ mole rahht.”
Shego grunted some more and walked over to the bike rack, reaching down to untie the knot. Much to her surprise, the leash had stiffened where Kim had tied the knot. The metal cable, whatever it was, refused to come undone. “I don’t want a smart leash.” complained Shego. “I want a leash that stays stupid!”
RON: “It stays stupid, even in milk!”
KIM: “Welcome back, Ron.”
A dark van, the sides proclaiming it to be a ‘Good Jersy’ ice-cream truck, sat parked across the street. Inside, two Global Justice agents sat, watching the monitors.
KIM (Kid voice): “Hey Mister, I want an Eskimo Pie!”
SHEGO: “We're out of Eskimo Pies.”
RON (Kid voice): “I want an ice cream sandwich!”
KIM: “How about a Bomb Pop?”
SHEGO: “We're out of that, we're out of everything! Go away!”
“Kim just went into Smarty Mart. They left Shego outside.” reported one of the agents into a radio handset. “Kim left the leash secured, apparently in some way that Shego can’t get it loose and wander off. No violation of animal regulations yet.”
“Keep watching, men.” said Director Juan-Dize, over the radio. “Sooner or later, they’ll slip up. And then, Global Justice will strike!”
RON: “We demand a contract!”
SHEGO: “Global Justice unfair to American spies!”
KIM: “No outsourcing to foreign agencies!”
“Hey, did you hear a small dog barking maniacally?” asked one of the agents to his partner.
XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX
Ron, from long familiarity with the Smarty Mart lay out, led Kim right to aisle nine, pet supplies.
RON: “Ron Stoppable: leader of women. I like that!”
“So, what do we need to pick up here?” said Ron.
Kim checked a print-out that Wade had sent. “A water dish and food dish, which have to be washed at least once every two days… A cushion or dog-bed large enough for her… and pet grooming supplies.”
“How about a whisker comb?” said Ron, picking up a small plastic comb. “Rufus loves these things.”
KIM: “When you have only six hairs, I guess you have to make the best of what you do have.”
“Shego doesn’t HAVE whiskers.” said Kim. She reached out and picked up a glove with bristles sat in the palm, the first grooming item she saw.
“Oh, yes… little Pepe just loves it when I stroke him with one of those.” Kim gasped, turning quickly.
“Gemini!” said Ron, recognizing Betty Director’s slight older twin-brother.
“And Pepe.” said Kim. “Don’t you know Smart Mart has a no dogs allowed policy?”
“Hello? Villain?” said Gemini. “We can ignore rules. Isn’t that right, Pepe?”
SHEGO: “Better take notes, Kimmie.”
The small dog held by Gemini’s one remaining flesh-and-blood hand yapped in response.
“What are you doing here?” demanded Kim.
RON: “Talking to you. Duh.”
“If you must know, this is the closest Smarty-Mart to the current headquarters of the Worldwide Evil Empire.” said Gemini. “I just came here to get some supplies for the lair and came to this aisle to pick up a new chew-toy for Pepe.”
“Any idea where your sister is?” said Kim, figuring not to waste this opportunity. She considered trying to capture Gemini, but the large man was not currently committing a crime and Kim was in no mood to do Global Justice any favors right now.
“Sister? Oh, yes…” said Gemini. He smirked. “I did learn my poor sister has been replaced.”
KIM: “The warrantee had expired on Dr Director and it was cheaper to buy a new one than have her repaired.”
“I wouldn’t be smiling. That dude had Shego declared a wild animal, I’m sure he’ll do the same to you.” said Kim.
“Oh dear… poor Shego.” said Gemini, pretending to be in distress. “When all those Glo… when all those GJ agents surround her, I don’t know what she’ll do…”
Gemini dropped the distraught act, grinning evilly. “But I’m sure it’ll be something very painful for those agent.”
SHEGO: “It's great to have a reputation.”
“Shego’s safe, right outside.” said Kim, calmly.
“Oh, yeah.” chimed in Ron. “They wouldn’t let her in the store, since she’s now a dog.”
“Ron!” said Kim. “I’m talking with a bad guy here!”
KIM: “Yeah, just because villains do evil stuff doesn't mean that you can be RUDE and interrupt a conversation between enemies!”
“Shego? Outside?” said Gemini. “Excellent, she can be my new Alpha…”
Before Kim or Ron could react, Gemini turned and began running for the exit.
“Hey!” Kim said. She dropped the grooming glove and began chasing after Gemini.
“Kim! What about the pet supplies!” yelled Ron after her.
RON: “Man, where's your priorities? It's just pet supplies, it's not like it's a Grande Platter or anything!”
XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX
Shego, bored, sat and leaned back against the metal bike rack. The smart-leash made sure she couldn’t move more then a foot or so away from the rack. Since she had nothing better to do, she took a nail-file from her ankle pouch and began using it to clean the tips of her gloves.
Shego turned, startled, as she heard the doors burst open. She recognized the face of the man striding toward her. “Ah, my dear Shego!” said Gemini. “Let me take you away from all this!” Gemini sat his little dog down and pointed his robot hand at Shego.
Shego jerked back as several small rockets launched from the fingertips of the metal hand, blowing up the bike rack that Shego had been tethered against.
SHEGO: “Just like a man, uses that tired old 'let me take you away from all this' line then tries to blow you up.”
The two Global Justice agents in the disguised surveillance truck rushed out.
“Sir!” one of the agents reported on his radio. “Gemini is here… he just blew up what Shego was leashed to.”
RON: “Some secret agent, acts like he's never seen a bike rack before.”
Shego turned and saw the Global Justice uniforms. Shego freaked out… having vivid memories of people in those uniforms, trying to chase her down and kill her, breaking her down to just an animal. She threw a plasma ball at the ground in front of them, then began running away.
“Shego!” yelled Kim, running out of the store and seeing Shego franticly fleeing.
Gemini looked around. On one side, Kim Possible… on the other side, two Global Justice agents.
KIM: “And on his left flank, the First Armored Division! Things looked bad for General Gemini!”
“Freeze!” yelled one of the agents. “Global Justice!”
Gemini hastily scooped up his franticly yelling Pepe. “Another time, Shego!” he cried, then began running the other way. Kim didn’t give the fleeing super-villain another thought, instead running after her panniced pet.
SHEGO: “'Panniced'?”
“Sir!” said one of the agents into his radio. “Shego and Gemini are both fleeing, running in opposite directions. Kim Possible is going to retrieve Shego. What should we do?”
“What do you think?” growled Director Juan-Dize. “Obey your orders! Get Shego!”
“But sir… Gemini is on the wanted list! And Shego was just running from…” said the agent.
“You heard me!” snapped Juan-Dize, over the radio. “GET SHEGO!”
KIM: “Oh he's SNAPPED all right.”
RON: “This is a recording: GET SHEGO!”
The two agents glanced at each other. Considering the start Shego and Kim had, there was little chance of catching the two… and, even if they did catch them, the agents had no idea what to do. Still, orders were orders.
The two agents shrugged at each other and then started running, following Kim. Ron walked out of the store, a bag of pet supplies in his hands. “Kim owes me for all this.” he said. He looked around, to see Rufus laying on the ground and rubbing his pink, hairless head. “Rufus! What happened?”
SHEGO (As Rufus): “I don't know, the last thing I remember was having a drink in Denver, then I woke up here wearing a tutu and holding a Barbie doll.”
“Big boom!” squeaked Rufus. “Shego go tha’way!” The mole rat pointed.
“Was Kim going after her?” Ron asked. When Rufus nodded, Ron relaxed. “No problems then, pocket pal of mine… we’ll just drop these supplies at the casa de Possible.” Ron picked up Rufus and set off. “Kim can just pay me back tomorrow.”
KIM: “Since when did you become so mercenary, Ron?”
RON: “Two words KP: 'Naco Royalties'!”
XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX
“Shego, wait!” yelled Kim. The raven-haired woman was running through the woods, not stopping to listen to Kim. It was obvious to Kim that the encounter with Gemini and the two Global Justice agents had sent Shego into a blind, unthinking panic.
KIM: “Or 'pannice'.”
“Stop! Calm down!”
Shego, in her fight-or-flight state, was too caught up in her fear for the words to penetrate. Someone was chasing her, she had to get away. The once proud warrior had been broken by her time as a hunted, helpless animal. The metal smart-leash, still attached to Shego’s collar, bounced up and down as Shego dashed through the forest undergrowth, seeking a hiding spot.
“Shego! Hold on! Stop running!” said Kim. “HEEL!”
SHEGO: “Who are you calling a HEEL?”
The sudden command, so incongruous when used to another human, penetrated the fear-crazed mind of Shego. She jerked to a stop, and then turned her head to look at Kim. Her eyes, wide with fright, saw that no Global Justice agents were currently following her.
Kim put on another burst of speed, coming up to Shego. “It’s ok… relax…” With one hand, Kim reached out to take the other woman’s shoulder. Her other hand grabbed the handle of the smart leash, ready to yank on it if it was the only way to stop another panic-fueled flight of Shego’s. “I’m here…” said Kim, talking as she would to a frightened animal.
Shego slowly relaxed. Kim was here… Kim would make it all right. The muscle-enhancing, brain-numbing adrenaline surge began to fade.
RON: “Ah, the famous old children's' story of a girl and her Shee-ga-roo!”
Red faced, huffing and puffing, the two Global Justice Agents appeared. Kim, one hand still firmly holding the leash handle, moved so that she was standing between Shego and the two agents. “What are you doing?” demanded Kim. “Why aren’t you chasing that man who scared Sheg… my pet Shee-ga-roo?”
KIM: “Yeah, tough guys, why aren't you?”
SHEGO: “Did that mean ol' Pepe frighten you big strong men?”
“Don’t… -gasp- know…” said the first agent, trying to catch his breath.
“Orders…” wheezed the second. He pulled out his walkie-talkie. “We found Kim and Shego, sir… what do you want us to do know!”
“Arrest them!” came the voice.
RON: “Pay no attention to the man behind the walkie-talkie!”
“What for?” demanded Kim.
“That… that ANIMAL was running around loose!” said the voice over the walkie talkie.
Shego felt her lips reflexively curling back, to bare her teeth. She found herself wishing Avery was here in person, so she could show him exactly how much of an animal she could be.
KIM: “Oooo, more kinky stuff!”
“Loose after GEMINI started shooting off rockets!” said Kim. “Shee-ga-roo would never have run off like that if you two and that criminal you let escape hadn’t scared her like that! Shee-ga-roo wouldn’t have tried at all to get off the leash, if you three hadn’t showed up.”
SHEGO: “Shee-Ga-Roo good dog!”
“Um, right.” said Shego, feeling a little guilty at remembering how she had tried to get the smart leash to come untied.
“What are you waiting for?” came the voice on the radio. “Arrest them!”
“Sir, they haven’t done anything wrong!” said the agent with the radio in his hand. “It’s like she said, Gemini blasted the bike-rack that was holding her, and then she ran away. Just like any ordinary pet.”
“Then she and Gemini must be in cahoots!” said Avery.
KIM: “No, they're in Middleton.”
“Turn around and capture him! Get the truth from him!”
“But sir…” said the first agent.
“Go! Go! Go!” yelled Avery.
“Come on.” said the second agent, starting to run back the way they had came. “Orders are orders.”
RON: “Even the stupid ones?”
KIM: “They're the only orders stupid agents understand.”
Kim waited until the two were out of sight, and then turned around to face
Shego. Shego was still shivering a little, but smiled sheepishly. “Sorry… I got spooked.”
SHEGO: “There were vampires and monsters and ghosts and…”
“Shh… it’s ok.” said Kim. “They were hunting you pretty bad earlier… I can understand how you could panic.”
“I didn’t panic.” denied Shego. “I just… needed some fighting space.”
“Sure.” agreed Kim, not believing Shego for a second.
“I’m not weak.” protested Shego.
“I know you’re not. You’re the bravest pet any girl could ask for.” said Kim. “Come on, let’s head home.”
“I’m not weak.” repeated Shego, softly, as if trying to reassure herself. She obediently followed Kim, neither of them thinking it strange that Kim was leading Shego on a leash.
RON: “Kim got turned into a monkey once. Compared to that, leading shego around on a leash is common-place!”
XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX
Shego knelt on the carpeted floor of Kim’s bedroom, making a purring noise. Kim smiled, laying on her bed and running the bristles of the grooming glove through Shego’s long black hair. “You like this?”
SHEGO: “No, I'm just doing the 'act like a dog' thing in case somebody's watching.”
RON: “Since when do dogs purr?”
“Oh yeah.” admitted Shego. “It’s why I let my hair grow so long… it feels so good when it gets brushed. How often do you have to groom me?”
“Once every two weeks, according to the pet guide… but I can groom you more if I want.” said Kim. “Of course, you know this means you owe Ron a thank-you, for actually paying for these supplies and bringing them over.”
RON: “Don't think I haven't forgotten that fan-fic Kim didn't pay fan-fic Ron back.”
KIM: “He'll get it, Ron!”
Shego sighed. “Fine, fine… but I am NOT sleeping in that dog bed he bought. Orange is SO not my color.”
Kim finished stroking Shego’s luxuriant, green-tinted hair and pulled the grooming glove off. “No problem… you can sleep on a blanket, or on the foot of my bed.”
“Aww… I can’t sleep next to you?” said Shego, doing her best imitation of Kim’s own puppy-dog pout.
“No.” said Kim, firmly. “That’s where Pandaroo sleeps.”
Shego climbed up onto the foot of the bed, on her hands and knees. “Rejected in favor of a stuffed toy.” she said, in overly-dramatic tones. “Whatever shall I do.”
SHEGO: “Rip it's little stuffed head off?”
KIM: “NO!”
Shego then curled up at the bed. The woman was still dressed in her green-and-black jumpsuit, since Ron hadn’t bought any clothes, just pet supplies.
Kim giggled. “I don’t know if I ever told you, but one of the things I’ve always loved about you is your sense of humor.”
“Thanks, princess.” said Shego, smiling. Kim, dressed in a pair of pink pajamas, turned off the light and got into bed under the covers.
XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX
Shego shivered. She hadn’t expected it to get so cold, and her jumpsuit was designed more for freedom of movement rather then heat-retention. Shego glanced at the sleeping Kim, then smiled. With all the care Shego would use to pick a lock or to keep from triggering an alarm system, Shego carefully wriggled the Pandaroo from Kim’s slumbering arms.
RON: “Stealing Kim's Cuddle Buddy! How low can you get?”
SHEGO: “As I said before: I've hit rock bottom.”
“Sorry, Pandy…” said Shego, softly. “But I need this spot more than you do.”
With a villainous (how else?) grin, Shego slipped under the sheets, next to the slumbering Kim. Kim, instead of waking up, just wrapped her arms around Shego, apparently thinking Shego was the missing cuddle-buddy, and slept on.
KIM: “Nah, I could never confuse Shego for my Panda-Roo. Shego's hair is much softer. (Sees Ron look at her oddly) You know, we fight a lot.”
RON: “Oh, that's right.”
Snuggled against the warmth of Kim’s body, Shego quickly fell asleep. Her last thought, before the sand-man came for her, was to wonder what the next day of being Kim Possible’s pet would bring.
SHEGO: “Maybe we'll find out later, it's time to go.”
(Doors) 1*2*3*4*5*6
Shego Found herself alone on the bridge of the Satellite Of KIGO.
“Ron? Kim? Rufus?” She called softly. “Mystery Voice, do you know where everyone is?
“Ron, Rufus and Kim are in the supply room, Shego,” Mystery Voice informed her. “Do you wish to talk to them?”
“Oh no, no,” Shego said hastily. “I was just wondering. Now to read something GOOD,” the thief said to herself, sitting down and opening a book entitled “Adventures In Archeology, by Dr Henry, 'Indiana', Jones”
Rufus peeked around a corner at Shego, then ducked back. For some reason, he wore a top hat, a bone through his nose and carried a spear, looking a bit TOO MUCH like a cartoon cannibal from the 1930s. Looking around the corner again, Rufus signaled to someone behind him and Kim came out, dressed like “Lara Croft” but with squirt guns instead of pistols, Ron Stoppable following behind her in khaki shorts. As they snuck onto the bridge, Kim could barely suppress her giggles.
“Aww guide said thet a Shee-Ga-Roo 'as been spotted around hayr,” Ron said in an accent that would make an Australian's ears bleed. “Thees rhair anamulls arre almost hextinct and we want to relocate one to a bettare enviermant. Mates”
“Looga tare!” Rufus squeaked, pointing in Shego's direction.
“My gosh, it's a real Shee-Ga-Roo!” Kim gasped/giggled, looking at Shego through binoculars.
Shego glanced up at the noise but pretended not to notice.
“We 'ave ta be extray carfull, if startled, the Shee-Ga-Roo can be dangerous! Let's get closare. Mates”
“Be careful, she may charge,” Kim snickered.
“What are you three idiots doing?” Asked Shego.
“Uh oh,” Rufus said.
“She's seen us, weell 'afta act fast. Mates.”
“Get her!” Kim yelled and threw a net over Shego.
They dog-piled on Shego, laughing while Shego yelled things like “Get off me, you idiots!” Seconds later the lights started flashing.
“We have Story Sign,” announced Mystery Voice. “All detainees will please report to the theater. Please report to the theater. GET YOUR HINDERS IN THERE NOW!”
“Hey, we got Story Sign!” Ron cried.
(Doors) 6*5*4*3*2*1