As usual, the scene opens on the Satellite of KIGO. Kim Possible, Ron Stoppable, Rufus and Shego are standing around the bridge, looking bored.
“So… here we are,” Kim stated.
“Yep, here we are,” agreed Ron.
“Yeah,” Shego said, tapping a nail file on the counter.
All sighed loudly and Kim picked up a deck of cards.
“We could… no.”
“How about…” Shego began and the others look up expectantly. “No, forget it.”
“I got it!” Ron announced after a pause. “Let's annoy the mad scientists!”
“Yeah, that's always fun!” Agreed Kim, pushing the big button that opens the Hexfield.
The control center on the screen was dimly lit and there was no one to be seen. Seconds later, Will Du, wearing pajamas and carrying a pillow walked slowly into view, yawning.
“Who's calling at this ungodly hour?” He demanded, trying to focus on the viewscreen. “Oh it's you. Don't you know it's after midnight?”
“What are you talking about?” Shego asked. “It's the middle of the afternoon.”
“Just a second,” Will said and leaned over another console. “Oh, our radar has you over the Pacific, your clocks must be set to local time. Well, goodnight.”
“No wait! We're bored, Will!” Kim told him.
“Yeah, we want to do an invention exchange!” Ron added.
“We'll even let you go first,” Shego offered.
The GJ agent opened his eyes and grabbed a stapler. “OK, my invention is the paper attacher… thing,” He stuck a sheet of paper into the stapler and hit it. “No home should be without one.”
“Will, you're not even trying,” Kim complained. “You can do better than that!”
“Yaa,” Rufus agreed.
“Yeah. Look, I'd love to stay up and chat, but my shift starts in four hours and I need my sleep. Goodnight.” With that he staggered out of view.
“Well that was a waste of time,” Said Shego.
“So what do we do now?” Kim asked.
“What is it, Rufus?” Ron asked, looking towards where his little buddy was pointing.
“We could fight,” Shego said to Kim.
“Guys, there's someone sneaking around in the space center!” Ron announced.
They watched as the short, plump, female-looking intruder waved a small flashlight around. Suddenly she stood up and made a frustrated gesture.
“Oh, sugar foot! This isn't the chemistry lab.”
“Uh, hello? Can we help you?” Kim asked.
Startled, the burglar stepped back into a pool of light, revealing none other than DNAmy, the mad geneticist.
“Who's there?” she asked, looking around.
“Hello, over here on the Hexfield,” Ron called, waving.
Amy went over to the Hexfield and peered at them.
“Oh, it's Kim Possible, that nice Stoppable boy and his cute Mole Rat! I suppose you're going to thwart my plans again? Uh, why is Dr Drakken's sister with you?”
“I'm NOT Dr D's sister!”
“Calm down, Shego,” KP hissed. “Well, actually, we're kind of in a jam. You see, there was an accident and we're stuck in space on a prison satellite.”
“Stug 'n spaze,” Rufus nodded.
“Amy, do you think you could help us out?” Kim asked.
“Well prison is a good place for you, you meanie! After what you did to my Cuddle Buddy collection, why should I help you?”
“KP, look at this face,” Ron told her, pointing at his chin. “Note the total LACK of surprise?”
“Bear with me guys. Amy, need I remind you of the Cuddlers' rules? Particularly the one that says that Cuddlers stick together and help one another?”
“No, no you don't have to do that,” Amy said, fidgeting. “What do you want me to do?”
“Look in the filing cabinet behind you, there's some specs on the Satellite of KIGO. If we had them, we could work on an escape plan from here while dad and the other scientists work on it form Earth.”
“Cuddlers?” Shego said with a smile.
“Yes, Cuddle Buddys collectors.”
“CUDDLERS?” She repeated, her smile widening.
“Yes Shego, do you have something to say about that?”
“Not right now, but you KNOW that I'll say something later.”
Amy took a folder out of the drawer and leafed through the papers.
“What are these 'fan-fics' these papers keep mentioning?”
“Fan-fics are stories written by amatures about established characters and posted on the Internet,” Ron explained. “There should be a few in the next cabinet. They load them into that machine marked 'Fic Transmitter' and we read them.”
“Oh, this one is real cute!” DNAmy exclaimed, perusing a folder. “Why do you read them?”
“Well, it's not like we have a choice,” Kim said. “It's part of the prison rehabilitation. We can't control when the stories begin or end, we try to keep our sanity-- Amy, what are you doing?”
“I'm sending you a cute little fan-fic story, It'll serve you right for blowing up my pretty plush collection! It's called 'Shego Collared' and it's by NoDrogs. Happy rehabilitation!”
“Oh great, first Dr. D and now DNAmy,” Shego groaned. “Who's up next to torment us, Monkey Fist?”
Ron cringed, “Shego, don't even KID about something like-- IT'S FAN-FIC SIGN!”
(DOORS) 6*5*4*3*2*1
Shego Collared
SHEGO: “So… what? I get arrested in this? Big freaking deal.”
By: NoDrogs
RON: “No Drogs were hurt during the making of this fan-fic.”
KIM: “Not physically hurt, just their feelings.”
A Kim Possible fan fic. Kim Possible and associated characters are property of the Walt Disney corporation and used here for nonprofit reasons without permission.
KIM: “Well they certainly didn't ask MY permission!”
Some violent and sexually suggestive material. Please do not read if you are a minor or find such material objectionable. Some concepts (such as the name She-ga-roo and Plasmanian devil) are based on other Kigo fan-fic writers and not my own. Read and enjoy.
SHEGO: “We'll read it, but the 'enjoy' part is debatable.”
X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X
Dr. Director frowned, looking at the paper on her desk. “Is this a joke, Will?” she asked.
RON: “No, THIS is a joke: 'Two spies meet in a East Berlin bar, one is carrying a suitcase, the other has a tuba…'.”
“I'm afraid not, ma'am.” said Will Du. “It's a formal order, from the UN Special Council.”
KIM: “No prob then. You can just ignore it the way everybody ignores orders from the UN.”
“They're giving the hot seat to someone else?” said Dr. Director. She had heard rumors, but so far she had ignored them. After all, she had a proven track record, and this new hot shot only had a big mouth. She should have remembered that in politics, sometimes a big mouth was all you’d need.
SHEGO: “That and lots of money to buy votes!”
“I'm afraid so.” said Will. “Apparently, the special council agreed to give him a chance … “
“Give him enough rope to hang himself, you mean.” said Dr. Director. “I know how these politicians work, Will. He's talked them into supporting him. Unless he gets results, though, he'll be out faster then yesterday's garbage.”
KIM: “Faster than a speeding garbage truck! More powerful than the smell of old fish heads! It's TRASHMAN!”
“Yes ma'am.” said Will. “I'm sure there's no way he can get results better than you, ma'am.”
(All three make “kiss up” noises)
He cleared his throat nervously. “Actually, ma'am, some of the staff and I have been discussing the possibility of making sure he fails be … “
RON (as 'The Godfather'): “I will have some people 'reason' with him.”
“Absolutely not.” snapped Dr. Director. She softened. “Will, I appreciate the offer, really
KIM: “I don't know, WILL you appreciate the offer? Oh, I get it. My bad.”
… but the goal of Global Justice, and the position as Director, is far too important to let anyone but the person who can do the best job be in charge. Three months, tops, this guy will either be out on the street … or he'll have proved he belongs in this chair. I want you to promise me, Will, that you'll do all you can to support him while he's here.” “I will, ma'am.” said Will.
SHEGO: “'I, Will', the little-known sequel to 'I, Claudius'.”
“Thanks, Will.” said Dr. Director. She picked up the paper. “When Mr. Avery Juan-Dize comes into the building, please show him up here.”
X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X
RON: “This must be the 'sexually suggestive material'.”
SHEGO: “All those Xs, it must be SUPER porn!”
Dr. Director stood up and moved around the desk she had used for so long. Mr. Juan-Dize was only a few years younger than Dr. Director, but his body was muscular and powerful. His face had all the beauty and cold inhumanness… of a marble statue. Perfectly combed dark hair, an aristocratic nose, thin, pale lips, and a firm jaw. Dr. Director shivered as she looked into Mr. Juan-Dize’s eyes.
KIM: “And threw herself into his strong arms, pressing her head against his muscular chest while gasping 'Oh TAKE ME, you man-god!'.”
They seemed as cold and lifeless as the eye she kept hidden with her eye patch.
“Ms. Director” he said, formally.
Will gasped, softly, at hearing the man omit the customary ‘doctor’.
SHEGO: “And realized that this was the man for him!”
RON: “I kind of suspected… no, never mind.”
“Mr. Juan-Dize” said Dr. Director. “I understand you think you can do a better job then I can, running Global Justice. For the sake of the world, I sincerely hope you’re right.”
“Ms. Director, I assure you.” said Mr. Juan-Dize. “That I plan to do everything in my power to take Global Justice, the weapon that you’ve forged, and use it to punish evil doers world wide.”
KIM (singing from 'Duck Soup') “The last man nearly ruined this place, He didn’t know what to do with it. If you think this country’s bad off now, Just wait till I get through with it!”
Dr. Director cleared her throat. “I’ve never thought of Global Justice as a weapon, Mr. Juan-Dize. More as a tool. And one that was to be used to stop evil doers, not just punish them.”
Mr. Juan-Dize nodded at Dr. Director, as if he hadn’t really heard what she just said.
RON: “He was mesmerized by the bit of spinach stuck in her teeth.”
“I understand you will be taking retirement now.” he said.
“Temporary inactive leave.” said Dr. Director, correcting him. “That is correct.”
“Enjoy your retirement, Ms. Director.” Mr. Juan-Dize said.
SHRGO: “And try not to think about the fact that your pension is garenteed by the same government that can spend money faster than it can collect taxes (Snicker).”
Dr. Director walked out of the office, suppressing a shudder. She hoped, for everyone’s sake, that Mr. Juan-Dize didn’t turn out to be as bad a mistake as Dr. Director felt he might be.
On paper, he looked the perfect candidate.
KIM: “But in the swimsuit competition, not so much.”
He had served, with distinction, in special military forces before retiring from the armed services. Once a civilian, he had served in several major cities, heading up special police taskforces. The only criticisms on record was ‘lack of people skills’ and ‘unwillingness to compromise or be deterred’.
Dr. Director knew that, with some criminals, there was no acceptable compromise accept putting them behind bars for a very long time.
SHEGO: “Yes, it's so harsh being sentenced to mixing drinks and drawing beers for a bunch of drunks and soon-to-be drunks.”
But she also knew that the job of Global Justice required a mental flexibility that she didn’t think Mr. Juan-Dize had. She fervently hoped she was wrong.
X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X
Mr. Avery Juan-Dize sat down in Dr. Director’s chair, with all the dignity and formal mannerisms of any king sitting upon a throne. He looked up at Will Du.
“You are the head of field agents?” he asked.
“Yes sir, Mr. Juan-Dize.” said Will.
KIM: “And Phillips is the torso, Lane is the arms and Roberts is the a…”
(Shego and Ron look at her)
KIM: “Ankles.”
“Head Agent Will Du, in charge of field operations. Although Dr. Director does… did lead several field operations herself.”
“That is one thing of Ms. Director that I may continue.” said Mr. Juan-Dize.
“Who are the other special head agents?”
“Those would be the Dunn brothers…” said Will Du. “Ben Dunn, head of intelligence, and Toby Dunn, head of R+D. Oh, and Mr. John Dissed, head of legal affairs. Dr. Director didn’t have him attend most briefings.”
RON: “And then there's Peter 'Pete' Peters, head chief of the Board of Redundancy Committee.”
“Mr. Du” said Mr. Juan-Dize. “Global Justice is in the business of enforcing the law. We can not do that if we do not respect the law ourselves. Any briefing I hold, you can expect Mr. Dissed to be there. Do I make myself clear?”
“Yes sir, Mr. Juan-Dize.” said Agent Du.
KIM: “But Dissed is boring!”
“Very well.” said Mr. Juan-Dize. “I expect to see all four of you, in my office, in one hour. I’ll want a complete status report of your departments, including any hot potatoes you’re currently working on.”
SHEGO: “Better alert the cooks, then.”
“Yes sir.” Agent Du stood, and saluted. Part of him felt guilty for saying ’Sir’ to this man who had replaced Dr. Director, but part of him had to admit that he had never been comfortable with Dr. Director’s willingness to bend the rules. Perhaps her retirement would be a good thing, after all.
X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X
KIM: “The Germans had erected an elaborate system of obsticals on the Normandy beaches.”
There was a special conference room as part of the director’s office suite. The conference room was one of the most secure rooms in the world, equipped with every sort of anti-eavesdropping equipment that Global Justice could get. The room was sized to hold twenty to thirty people comfortable, so the four head-agents sitting in it felt somewhat dwarfed.
RON: “Look, it's agent Happy.”
KIM: “And agent Sleepy.”
SHEGO: “Which one is 'Dopey'?”
RON AND KIM: “Will Du!”
If Mr. Juan-Dize felt dwarfed, he did not show it. Instead, he sat at the head of the table. “All right, gentlemen, let’s begin. Mr. Ben Dunn, since you have the most seniority of the four, why don’t we start with you.”
“All right.” said Mr. Ben Dunn. “My department is in charge of intelligence. Mostly, we comb through news footage, field reports, and historical records to try to keep track of current threats and spot new ones.”
KIM: “Why just last week, their search of historical records uncovered a plot by Pancho Villa to attack Columbus, New Mexico!”
SHEGO: “But sadly, they were too late.”
Mr. Juan-Dize nodded. “I understand. Is there anything special you’re tracking now?”
“Well, we’ve recently lost track of an Alpha-2 security threat.” admitted Ben Dunn. “We’re trying to reacquire tracking, as soon as possible.”
“Alpha means the threat’s intentions are to take over the world.” said Will Du.
“Omega would indicate intentions are mass genocide. We also have various indications for other threat types.”
RON: “Delta indicates they want to steal Slurppies and candy bars from the 7-11.”
“I understand.” said Mr. Juan-Dize. “And the ‘2’ indicates the level of this threat?”
Ben Dunn nodded. “Yes sir. 2 means that this team is believed to be a credible threat, but is not currently fully prepared to initiate. This threat has several times attempted to slip into the Alpha-1 category, actively underway with world conquering, but mostly has been foiled by either us or Team Possible.”
KIM: “Mostly by Team Possible.”
“Team Possible? That would be those three mercenaries?” said Mr. Juan-Dize.
“Um, no sir.” said Mr. Dissed. “Team Impossible are three gentlemen, currently engaged in providing their services in exchange for payment.
RON: “Which includes Bueno Nacho coupons.”
Team Possible consists of two teenagers and their pet mole rat.”
“Naked mole rat.” muttered Agent Du.
Mr. Juan-Dize stared across the table for a moment. “Two TEENAGERS foil this guy, and he’s an Alpha-2? What’s Alpha-3, a guy with a cork pop-gun?”
SHEGO: “I know what you mean, pal. Sometimes I have trouble believing it myself.”
“Sir, Kim Possible, the leader of Team Possible, is a very skilled woman.” said Agent Du. “She is skilled in, at last report, sixteen different forms of martial arts, has an exceptionally high IQ, and was being monitored by Dr. Director as a target for recruitment as soon as she finished college.
KIM: “You only say that because it's true.”
Her associate, Ron Stoppable, is the owner of the naked mole rat. He is also extremely intelligent, but lacks Ms. Possible’s dedication. He is not quite as physically gifted, but he has demonstrated mastery of ‘Monkey Kung Fu’.”
“I still want to know who this Alpha-2 threat is.” grumbled Mr. Juan-Dize.
“Ah, actually it’s a team.” said Ben Dunn. “Dr. Drakken, real name Drew Lipsky, and Shego, real name unknown. He’s the alpha, she’s the two. Dr. Drakken is a highly inventive and mentally unstable genius, who has incorporated other people’s research for his own purposes, who also suffers from a huge case of megalomania. However, he is not particulary skilled in any form of combat and tends toward overly complex and highly unfeasible plans.”
SHEGO: “Note that no one's disagreeing with him.”
“This Shego is female?” said Mr. Juan-Dize.
SHEGO: “Extremely so.”
“Yes sir.” said Toby Dunn. “Perhaps I could jump in, since we at R+D have devoted considerable effort to Miss Shego’s case. Several years ago, a meteorite from an unidentified source crashed near Go city. The meteorite produced a short lived but powerful field, which affected the people it came in contact with in different ways. All five known subjects were genetically altered. Shego, one of the five, has an accelerated healing ability, above average strength, and the ability to generate charged plasma from her hands. The plasma can vary in explosive or thermal energy, apparently at will. Also, there is a photon discharge effect associated with her powers.”
“Her hands glow.” said Will Du. “When she’s using her powers, or when she’s mad.”
KIM: “Thank you, Captain Obvious.”
“The other four people” said Toby Dunn “Were granted extremely enhanced physical durability and muscular amplification, the ability to reduce personal mass, and an ability to, um, duplicate themselves. We suspect the powers demonstrated are at least partially due to the genetics of the subject, since the one power that is shared is shared by a set of identical twins.”
(Snoring is heard from Shego's seat)
“These other four… super villains?” said Mr. Juan-Dize.
“No sir, superheroes.” said Toby. “Team Go, to be exact.”
Will cleared his throat. “Our field agents have tangled with Shego several times. In addition to her powers, she is an extremely skilled thief and hand-to-hand combat expert. She seems to have a personal code against killing, but she’s put many of our agents in the hospital over our encounters. All attempts to capture her have failed. With her plasma powers and lock-picking skills, she can escape any prison we put her in and break Dr. Drakken out also.”
Toby leaned forward. “All our efforts to contain Shego have failed so far. The only ways we know that might stop or neutralize her powers are all based on technology that would be illegal to use on any human.”
RON: “Yes, anything fun is either illegal, immoral, or fattening.”
“I think…” said Will. “That it would be fair to say that Shego is potentially the most dangerous human alive.”
SHEGO: “Why, thank you.”
Mr. Juan-Dize sat back, thinking. “If we went after her, all out… seized her accounts, hunted her down, shoot-to-kill as necessary… could we take her out of the game?”
Will, Ben, and Toby all glanced at each other. As head field agent, Will felt it was his job to speak. “Director Juan-Dize… yes, an all out assault would work. However, use of such means would violate every civil rights law on the book.”
KIM: “Not to mention the property damage.”
“Agent Du is correct.” said Mr. Dissed. “I fail to see how any such assault, no matter how necessary, could be justified legally.”
Mr. Juan-Dice smiled. “Agent Du thinks that Shego is the most dangerous human alive. I don’t agree.”
“You don’t think she’s dangerous?” said Agent Du.
“No.” said Mr. Juan-Dice. “I don’t think she’s human.”
KIM, RON AND SHEGO: “Bum bum BUMMM!”
X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X
United Nations Special Council
Decission A-239D-2C
KIM: “Now there's something you don't see every day: 'United Nations' and 'decision' in the same place.”
A human, as pertains to International and civil rights laws, will be defined as any being with a standardized IQ ration on the Maiditup scale between .7 and 1.4 produced by an organic neural net with a genetic makeup identifiable within .2 of the Human genome project, with an extra .2 allowable if the extra is within conventionally defined terrestrial genetic parameters, and who was conceived by two or more genetic, human parents.
X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X
“Sir, I fail to see what declaring Shego non-human will do.” said Will Du. “Yes, her genetic make up is known to be just slightly over the allowed .2 difference, with that .2 outside any known terrestrial species. But if she’s not human, then she’s not guilty of breaking human laws.”
RON: “D'oh! NOW you tell him!”
“She’s an animal.” said Mr. Juan-Dize. “An animal who is a danger to law abiding humans everywhere. As such, she must be hunted down. She has no civil rights, because she’s not a person. Inform all agents that Shego is to be hunted down and killed on sight. Contact all known associates, including Dr. Drakken, and inform them we will be pursuing Shego with lethal force. Anyone trying to harbor her will be treated as a criminal.”
RON: “Since Drakken's already a criminal, it's business as usual then?”
“Ah, sir…” said Will Du. “By all known associates, do you wish to also include Kim Possible? The woman is Shego’s arch nemesis, after all.”
“I doubt that a teenager will have much to offer us.” said Mr. Juan-Dize. “But inform her also… and let her know that if she sees Shego, she’s to call us and then stay away. Shego is going down, and going down hard. Anyone who gets in my way gets hurt.”
SHEGO: “Mad with power, or just freaking nuts? You make the call.”
X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X
Kim stared in disbelief at the fax Global Justice had sent her, courtesy of Wade. “I can’t believe this.” she said.
“Hey, if it means Shego and I aren’t the same species, then I’m all for it.” said Ron.
SHEGO: “WHAT DID YOU SAY?”
RON: “It wasn't me! It was the story!”
“You don’t think this is wrong?” said Kim, waving the paper. “They’ve taken away Shego’s humanity.”
“No, Shego did that.” said Ron. “Trying to take over the world and throwing my best friend in death traps is pretty inhumane in my book.”
KIM (Pushing Shego back into her seat): “It's just a STORY, Shego!”
“She’s a super criminal, that’s what super criminals do.” said Kim. She sighed. While it was true that Shego had been responsible (usually at Dr. Drakken’s orders) for Kim finding herself in a wide variety of life threatening situations, Kim couldn’t shake the feeling that for most of it, the older woman was more interested in testing Kim then in actually trying to kill her. Shego could melt through metal, after all…the two fought hand to hand enough times that if Shego really wanted Kim out of the way, Kim would have either woken up in a hospital or not woken up at all.
(Shego looks away, trying to act innocent)
“Dude, Global Justice has spoken.” said Ron. “If they say Shego’s a wild animal to be hunted down, then I say I just hope they bring enough tranquilizer guns.”
RON (Stoner voice): “Like, wow! That's good tranq!”
“I don’t know, Ron.” said Kim. “I mean, where does it stop? Today, Shego. Who’s next? Monkey Fist and D.N.Amy? Then Dr. Drakken? Where does it end?”
SHEGO: “Today Shego, tomorrow: the WORLD!”
“If it ends with those nuts off the street, then I‘m fine with that.” said Ron.
Monique, carrying a tray of food, came over to the booth where Kim and Ron were
sitting. “Hey, guys. What’s up?”
KIM: “Oh, we're just plotting to keep a supervillian out of jail. What's up with you?”
“Global Justice and the UN just declared Shego isn’t human.” said Kim.
“Oh no they didn’t!” said Monique. “You’re joking, right?”
“No joke.” said Kim, pushing the fax across. “They say she’s an animal, and can be hunted down as one, since she’s not genetically ‘human’. No civil rights laws to stop them.”
“What’s the big deal?” said Ron. “So they declare one super villain non-human, so they can catch her more easily.”
“So you’re ok with people saying that someone isn’t human, because of the color of their skin.” said Monique.
SHEGO: “Answer the nice lady, sidekick.”
RON: “I have the right to remain silent.”
“Ye… no!” said Ron. “I’m saying it’s ok when that someone is a dangerous, alien-mutated plasma-throwing villain.”
“Ron, Shego’s as human as you or me.” said Kim. “Just because that asteroid, which Shego didn’t want or cause to happen, rearranged her genes, Global Justice now says she’s an animal, like Rufus there. One who they can kill on sight if necesary.”
KIM: “You know Ron, ever since our Hawaiian adventure, I've been wondering about Rufus…”
RON: “KP, don't even suggest things like that!”
“Me?” squeaked Rufus, looking up from a pile of cheese-covered nachos.
“Hey, Rufus is a pet.” said Ron. “Shego’s a wild animal. Dangerous. Liable to kill.”
“Shego has never killed anyone.” said Kim, firmly.
“Not for lack of trying.” said Ron. “How many times has she put you in a death trap?”
“First, that’s mostly Drakken’s idea and he’s considered human by Global Justice.” said Kim. “Second, yeah… death traps I always manage to escape from.”
SHEGO: “Ah, legal loopholes. You gotta love them!”
“Hold on.” said Monique. “They said Shego, that fine looking green girl, isn’t human but that blue skinned, tiny-handed Drakken is?”
“Drakken’s ‘mutations’ aren’t genetic.” said Kim. “His genes are human, even if his experiments have turned him blue. Monkey Fist and D.N.Amy are both over the .2 limit, but since it’s still terrestrial genetics they still qualify as human.”
“What about Team Go?” said Monique.
RON: “Their powers rock!”
Wade appeared on the Kimmunicator. “I just checked. Apparently, Shego was affected by the meteor more then they were. All four of them are just barely under the .2 cut-off line.”
“Someone is definitely targeting Shego.” said Kim, frowning.
SHEGO: “Gee, could it be Global Justice and the UN?”
“Look.” said Ron. “Maybe you have a point. But Global Justice has already declared Shego an animal. I don’t see what you can do to stop them, or why you would even want to.”
“Because wrong is wrong, even when you’re doing it to a villain.” said Kim.
X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X
KIM: “We now return to Shego in 'The Fugitive'.”
Shego cursed as she cowered in the shadows of the alley. Part of her wanted to hate Dr. Drakken, for throwing her out of his latest lair without even letting her get her stuff. Dr. Drakken had pointed out that his entire operation would be at risk if Global Justice though Shego was there. Since they were chasing a wild animal that was dangerous to humans, Global Justice didn’t have to stop to get search warrants. Also, it seemed the new head of Global Justice was actively encouraging collateral damage… at least, if that damage occurred to anyone he suspected was sheltering Shego.
RON: “Because it's fun!”
All the accounts Shego had tried to access, even ones she would have sworn there was no way Global Justice could have known about, were totally frozen. While there were a few numbered accounts in Swiss banks that Shego was sure that Global Justice couldn’t freeze, those accounts unfortunately required time to access. Time in which the agents hunting her could find and kill her. She had been forced to take out three teams so far. The last team had gotten way too close… Shego was currently limping due to one of them, and she wasn’t a hundred percent sure that all three of the pursuing agents would survive what she had done to them.
KIM: “But they're just off-screen characters, so who cares?”
Screw them she told herself firmly. They think I’m an animal, I’ll act like an animal…
(Shego throws her head back and howls)
Shego’s brain tried to think. Her efforts to find refuge in the super villain community had all failed. Even the Senor Seniors had refused to aid her, with Senor Senior Sr. declaring it would ruin his reputation to be associating with an animal. Shego had even been so desperate as to consider contacting D.N.Amy, but had firmly decided not to. There was no telling what that cuddle-buddy obsessed woman would do to Shego, knowing that Shego was legally declared an animal.
RON: “Yeah, she might make her read FAN-FICTION!”
The thought of cuddle-buddies reminded Shego of the one other person she knew who collected cuddle buddies.
It was barely possible (ha… a pun) that the woman Shego was thinking of would help Shego, even if she could. But while they were mortal enemies, Shego had never truly thought of Kim as anything other then her greatest rival, worthy of respect. Shego just had to hope that Kim felt the same way.
SHEGO: “Uh, remember, this is fiction.”
KIM: “(blush) Yeah, fiction.”
X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X
Kim sighed, staring at the pages of an extra-credit assignment in her textbook. Even though it had been almost a week ago, she still couldn’t get the fax out of her mind, or Ron’s reaction to it. Wrong is wrong she thought to herself, firmly. I just wish I knew what I could do to make it right…
RON: “To make 'wrong' 'right' KP, you would have to change the whole morals of society.”
KIM: “Well, that's too hard. Shego's on her own then.”
A knock on the window startled Kim. She walked over to the window, wondering if Ron had tried to climb up again. Much to Kim’s surprise, though, it wasn’t Ron who climbed in when she opened the window.
Instead, a very tired, disheveled looking Shego slid in. Kim noticed that, for someone who looked like what the cat dragged in, Shego was moving surprisingly cat-like and quiet. Either she didn’t want anyone to hear her, or she was moving that silently because Shego was just used to moving like that.
“Shego! What are you doing here?” said Kim. She moved to get her Kimmunicator.
SHEGO: “I'm baking a cake. Can I borrow a cup of sugar?”
“Please… don’t call anyone.” said Shego. “Look. I’m in no shape to fight. If you want, you can throw me out right now without reinforcements. But PLEASE… I literally don’t have anyone else to turn to.”
“Why not turn yourself in to the police?” said Kim, reflexively.
KIM: “Besides the shoot-to-kill order, I mean.”
Shego glared at her. “I’ve actually thought about it, Possible. Problem is, they think I’m an animal. Shoot on sight sound familiar?”
Kim gasped. “You’re kidding. They told the police to shoot you on sight?”
RON: “That WAS in the fax, wasn't it?”
Shego didn’t answer verbally. Instead, she turned, holding out a green-clad leg. Kim was able to see a gash in the fabric, and a matching gash in the flesh below. “Bullet grazed me, or even my body couldn’t have gotten me away.” said Shego.
“Who shot you?” said Kim, staring at the wound.
SHEGO: “Elmer Fudd.”
KIM: “I'm not a detective, but even I can figure this out!”
“Some cop, about a couple hours ago. Managed to knock him and his partner out…” Shego shook her head. “Had to slam his head against a brick wall to keep him from trying to shoot me a second time… might have given him a concussion.”
Kim looked at the woman, aware that Shego must have been at the end of her rope to come to Kim. Even in this state, Shego actually seemed worried that she might have given some guy who tried to kill her a concussion.
“You’re not an animal, no matter what Global Justice says.” said Kim, firmly. “What they’re doing… hunting you down… it’s wrong.”
ALL THREE: “No! REALLY?”
“I’m glad you feel that way.” said Shego, softly. “But telling a bullet that it’s wrong won’t stop it. And even I’ll die from a bullet shot to the head or chest.”
“Can’t you hide somewhere?” said Kim.
“Doy, Albino green skin?” said Shego. “Not a lot of raven-haired albinos in the world, Kim.
RON: “That's why Kim suggests that you HIDE!”
I’m used to hiding out with Dr. Drakken and sending a henchman when we need a public face. But all the henchman stayed with Dr. D, and he told me that he can’t risk me around the lab.”
“I thought you guys had a contract.” said Kim.
“We did.” said Shego, snarling. “He pointed out a contract with an ‘animal’ isn’t legally binding.”
SHEGO: “Damn lawyers.”
“Look… Global Justice has to realize, sooner or later, that what they did was wrong.” said Kim, firmly. “Until then… look, I can hide you from them, for awhile, but you’ve got to stay low. No crime, no going out.”
RON: “You can stay in Kim's closet.”
KIM: “Ron! No 'in the closet' jokes!”
RON: “What do you… Oh, sorry. That one was unintentional.”
Shego blinked. “You mean that?”
“Wrong is wrong.” said Kim, firmly, wondering when it had become her new mantra. “If you believe something is wrong, you have to fight it.”
SHEGO: “Unless doing wrong is fun, then you should give in.”
“It’s not safe.” said Shego. The promise of safety, however, was causing her adrenaline to subside. The woman’s voice was slurred with exhaustion.
“It’s more important to be right than safe.” said Kim, firmly. “Look, sleep here tonight, and tomorrow I’ll arrange for Wade to find you a safe house.”
Kim went to the linen closet to get some spare blankets and sheets. Her dad had taken the tweebs out to a late night sci-fi movie, and her mom was busy at the hospital. Hopefully, if they all thought she was asleep, no one would come and check on her.
RON (As Mr. Possible): “Kimmie-cub, do you have a boy in your room?”
KIM: “No dad, just a female criminal who's been declared a wild and dangerous animal.”
RON: “That's my good little girl. Goodnight.”
When she came to the room, she discovered that Shego had already fallen asleep. The woman was sprawled on top of the covers, looking as innocent and vulnerable as Kim had ever seen her. Kim could see dark bags under Shego’s eyes, and there was a sickly looking green-and-blue bruises on the side of Shego’s face.
“This isn’t right.” said Kim, to herself. She spread one of the blankets she had gotten on top of the sleeping Shego, then laid another blanket down on the floor by her bed for herself. She set the alarm on her Kimmunicator to wake her up before the rest of the family would get up, so she could see about sneaking Shego out.
SHEGO: “Great, I come to her for help and already she's plotting to throw me out!”
X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X
Kim woke up as the Kimmunicator vibrated and buzzed.
KIM: “It does not!”
She looked up, to see a pair of emerald-green eyes staring down at her.
“Oh… Shego…” said Kim.
“Look, Possible.” said Shego. “I just wanted to say thanks for letting me sleep one last night as a free woman. Now, I’ll be on my way…”
SHEGO: “That's it, work on her emotions, pour on the guilt.”
“Shego, stop.” said Kim. “I told you last night, I think what Global Justice is doing to you is wrong. And I’m going to try to stop it.”
Shego frowned. “Look, Kim, I don’t need some little goodie-two-shoes to help me…”
“Shego, last night you were drop-dead exhausted.” said Kim. “It would have been drop dead, period, if Global Justice or the Police had found you from what you said. I want to help.”
“Why?” demanded Shego.
RON: “Because we LIKE you!”
ALL: “M-O-U-S-E!”
“Because I know that, whatever else you are Shego, that you are not two things.” said Kim. “One: You’re not an animal. Two: You’re not a killer. A thief, an evil henchman, a beautiful woman, one of the greatest hand to hand fighters I’ve ever seen, but not a killer.”
Shego blinked at hearing the ‘beautiful’ mixed in with the list. “Look, Possible… I can’t stay at your house. It’s not safe, for you or your family.”
KIM: “Well, when you put it THAT way. GET OUT OF MY HOUSE!”
“No, it’s not.” admitted Kim. “But I don’t care about safe for myself, and I do have an idea how to make it safer for my family.”
“How?” demanded Shego.
“I’m owed a lot of favors.” said Kim. “I figure if I get Wade checking, he can find someone who owes me a favor and who can keep you out of Global Justice’s clutches long enough for us to figure out how to get Global Justice to stop hunting you.”
RON (The Godfather): “Some day, I may come to you for a favor”
X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X
“Hey, KP!” said Ron, greeting Kim at her locker after their final class of the day. “Another late night studying?”
“Yeah, something like that.” said Kim. Actually, she and Wade had both been up late, studying legal codes and charters. Even Shego had tried to help, participating via video-conferencing, before she had gotten bored and fallen asleep.
SHEGO: “I still say looking up the Kansas civil codes on barbed wire was unnecessary.”
Unfortunately, while what Global Justice had done to Shego was immoral, in Kim’s book, she couldn’t find anywhere where it was illegal. Global Justice had some extremely bright lawyers working for them, ones who knew every detail of international law. The United Nations law, defining human, clearly placed Shego outside the realm of civil rights. Until they found some way to stop Global Justice from hunting Shego, they couldn’t even do anything to get the ruling changed.
RON: “How about citing 'hunting Shegos out of season'?”
KIM: “Or checking agents for hunting licenses?”
“Want to go with us to the Bueno Nacho?” said Ron. “Me and my pet-pal here are planning to Grande-size it.”
“Buenos Nachos, yah!” squeaked Rufus.
“Pet pal… that’s it!” said Kim. “Ron, you’re a genius!”
Kim rushed out of the school, to go home and tell Wade and Shego her idea.
“Hear that, Rufus?” said Ron. “I’m a genius.”
He paused. “Hey, Kim!” he shouted, after the running figure. “Are we going to Bueno Nacho or what?”
SHEGO: “So what is NoDrogs saying? Throwing GJ a big party at Bueno Nacho is going to solve everything?”
RON: “Hey, never underestimate the power of the Naco!”
X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X
KIM: “Tire tracks, Kemosabe! Ford Ranger pickup. Two, three hours old.”
Kim and Shego sat in the living room of a small but luxuriously outfitted house. The owner owned several homes through out the US, and was more than willing to loan this one to Kim in return for the way she had rescued his cat, Muffins, from a tree. The cat, a rare Ming-Fee-Line, had somehow gotten on a tree that had fallen in the middle of a raging river. Kim had managed to save Muffins just before the tree went over a fifty foot water-fall.
RON: “Yeah, it was JUST CHANCE that the cat had gotten into that PARTICULAR tree just before it fell into the river and just a COINCIDENCE that Kim JUST HAPPENED to pass by at the right time.”
(Kim and Ron snicker)
SHEGO: “OK, now I'm scared.”
Kim’s Kimmunicator sat propped up on the table, showing a video image of Wade. Kim had just explained her brainstorm to Shego and Wade.
“You want to WHAT?” said Shego, frowning.
“Look, it’s a temporary fix.” said Kim. “They say you’re a wild animal? Fine, we’ll make it so you’re not wild.”
RON: “Not you, just your parties.”
“Technically, it’s completely legal.” admitted Wade. “If you’re an animal, you can be adopted by Kim. There’s no rules concerning your species against you becoming a pet, since you don‘t have a defined species.”
“Technically, it‘s bonkers.” said Shego. “If we do this, we‘re letting Global Justice know right where I am.”
“Yeah, under MY protection.” said Kim. “If they do anything to you, Wade sets his pack of lawyers on them.”
KIM: “Just play an ambulance siren and they'll come running.”
“The firm of Allotta, Stuff, and Nonsenz owes me a lot of favors for legal research.” said Wade. “They’d be glad to take on the case. It might even be the stepping stone we need to convince the world courts to declare you human again.”
“That doesn’t help me much if what they declare human is my corpse.” said Shego.
SHEGO: “And Shego scores a point against Nerdlinger.”
“Look, the current director of Global Justice is making a big point of he’s working within the law.” said Wade. “If you become a pet, he can’t touch you, legally, and he can’t try anything illegally without destroying his credibility. All those crimes you committed don’t count since animals can’t break the law. As long as you act like a pet, and aren’t a danger to anyone, you’re safe.”
“It’s the ‘act like a pet’ I’m having a problem with.” said Shego. “I’m kinky, but I’m not THAT kinky.”
“Shego!” said Kim, blushing.
KIM: “Remember when I said that other fan-fic was riffing itself?”
RON: “Yeah, why?”
KIM: “I don't know, I was just reminded of it for some reason.”
“How are you going to explain it to people? Especially your family?” said Shego. Shego was well aware that Kim’s family was very important to Kim.
“Well… my parents don’t know I’m hiding you from GJ.” said Kim.
SHEGO: “When were you going to tell them?”
KIM: “I'll tell them! Someday…”
“But I have talked the non-human issue over with them. My mom is definitely against it, saying that any doctor would certify you human despite your mutations. Dad just said something about cosmic rays and kept reading. Dad doesn’t pay attention to much that’s happening in atmosphere.”
“Middleton has some pretty advanced pet registration systems.” said Wade. “That actually works in our favor… once we have the data, I can slip it right into the computer systems. By the time Global Justice finds out, Shego will be all registered.”
RON: “First they registered our Shegos; then they came for them!”
Shego frowned. “I don’t like it.” she said. “But I don’t like being cooped up, hiding, all the time. It’s time to fight legal-ese with legal-ese.”
“So, you’ll agree to be my pet?” said Kim.
Shego frowned but put her hands on the table, fingers curled in to look like paws. “Meow.” she said.
SHEGO: “I can't believe how catty I am in this! What? We were about due for another bad pun.”
X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X
“You’ve got to be kidding.” said Shego. “You brought the buffoon over?”
“You’ve got to be kidding.” said Ron. “You’ve been helping Shego hide out?”
“Look, you two.” said Kim. “Ron, you know that I think that what Global Justice is doing to Shego is wrong. Wade and I think we have a way that I can stop Global Justice hunting Shego, long enough to get her declared human.”
KIM: “Since that might take an act of the US Congress, Shego may be declared human just in time to collect Social Security.”
“Assuming I want to be declared human.” said Shego.
Kim turned to look at Shego, startled.
Shego smirked. “I mean, the situation we discussed just offers SO many possibilities…”
“What situation?” asked Ron, even as he noticed that Kim was suddenly blushing.
“Um, Ron…” said Kim. “I was kind of thinking of…. Um, me being Shego’s… I mean, Shego being my… um…”
“I followed her home.” said Shego. “She wants to know if she can keep me.”
KIM: “There! Did you see that? This fan-fic is riffing itself, just like the other one!”
RON: “Suurrre it is, KP.”
SHEGO: “Of course it is, pumpkin.”
(Ron and Shego make “she's nuts” gestures at each other)
“Huh?” said Ron.
“Kim and Wade decided that if I’m an animal, Kim can legally claim me as a pet.” said Shego.
“Right.” said Kim. “Ron, you registered Rufus as a pet, you know what’s required. I figured you can help.”
Ron blinked. “This is SO weird. You actually want Shego to be your pet?”
“It’s a legal fiction, Ron.” said Kim, firmly. “Just a way to stop Global Justice from killing her.”
KIM: “Which is a plus.”
“Aw, but I’d be a goooood pet…” said Shego, smirking as she saw Kim‘s face turn red. Shego was relying on Kim to help her, so Shego couldn’t even fight the cheerleader to burn off excess energy. But Shego found that making Kim blush was more fun than making Kim bleed.
SHEGO: “How true.”
KIM: “Why is that, Shego?”
(Shego leans over and whispers something in Kim's ear)
KIM (Blushing): “SHEGO!”
SHEGO: “See? It's fun!”
“Kim, are you SURE you want to do this?” said Ron. “This is a whole cornucopia of disturbing concepts.”
“I’m sure, Ron.” said Kim firmly.
“Ok, KP.” said Ron. “I’ve got your back. I’ll go get the forms and be right back.”
RON: “After this word from our sponsor.”
Ron reached into his pocket and carefully took Rufus out. The naked mole rat was sleeping. “Rufus, wake up and meet Kim’s new pet…” Ron said.
Shego frowned, glaring at the rodent, then suddenly smiled.
Rufus blinked, waking up, and looked to see Shego… Specifically, to see Shego climbing on top of the table, on all fours. “Mousie…” Shego said, smiling to show off her teeth.
KIM: “Giant Australian Hopping Mouse.”
Rufus eeped and scrambled up Ron’s arm.
“Shego!” said Kim.
“Hey! No eating the sidekicks!” said Ron, backing up hurriedly to put more space between Rufus and Shego.
SHEGO: “I hear Naked Mole Rat tastes just like sausage. Mmm…”
RON: “No! They… they're poison!”
“Just kidding.” said Shego. “Can’t a pet have some fun?”
“I’ll… just go and get those forms now.” said Ron, scurrying out.
Kim frowned, crossing her arms in front of her. “Great, I need to find an obedience school to send you to.”
Shego laughed. The thought that Global Justice would soon not be able to shoot her on sight was a great relief to Shego. Enough so that the idea of being Kim’s pet seemed comical now.
KIM: “Must be that wierd British humor, we hear so much about.”
X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X
Ron placed the form on the table and got out an ink pen. Rufus, glaring cautiously at Shego, stood on the table so he could read the form also. “Ok, question one: Name of pet.”
“Shego.” said Shego.
“Foo-foo.” said Kim.
Shego blinked and looked at Kim. “Foo-Foo?”
(Shego sticks her finger in her mouth and makes gagging noises)
“Look, if we put Shego down on the form, Global Justice might realize what we’re doing before the form goes through.” said Kim. “We need a pet name for you.”
“NOT Foo-Foo.” said Shego, firmly.
“Hey, if you’re my pet, isn’t that my decision?” said Kim. She had decided that, if Shego was going to tease her about Shego being a pet, that Kim would tease right back. This was just another form of competition between the two very competitive women.
“She Go.” said Shego. “Shay-go. She’ll Go.”
KIM: “Fluffy!”
RON: “Muffin!”
SHEGO: “The Supreme One!”
KIM: “What?”
The two women went for several minutes, Shego suggesting names that were very close to ‘Shego’, while Kim suggested ‘cutesy’ names.
“Look, just pick one!” said Ron.
“Shee-ga-roo?” suggested Kim.
“Still too cutesy.” grumbled Shego “But fine.”
Ron wrote it down. “Ok… Pet type. Dog, Cat, Hamster, Reptile, Parrot, Exotic”
“Exotic.” said the newly dubbed Shee-ga-roo firmly.
SHEGO: “And the most wonderful thing about Shee-ga-roos is I'M the only one!”
“Not a good idea.” said Wade, from where he’d been listening in on the Kimmunicator. “If you’re listed as exotic, there’s a bunch of rules about Kim needing to provide you with special living facilities and making sure you can’t escape to upset the local, natural eco-system.”
“Special living facilities sound good. The not escape, not so much.” said Shego.
“What about dog?”
“How about cat?” said Kim. “Cat sounds good.”
Shego shook her head. “No way, there’s no way I’m using a litter box. And don’t even get me started on the pussy jokes.”
KIM: “Yes, WE'LL handle the suggestive jokes, thank you.”
“Hamster?” suggested Ron. “That’s what I had to list Rufus as.”
“I’m a bit big for a hamster.” said Shego. “What’s wrong with putting me down as a dog? Enough people have called me a bitch, I might as well be one legally.”
“Reptile? Parrot?” said Kim.
“Reptiles legally require special housing also.” said Wade.
RON: “Like bars for 'Lounge Lizards'.”
“And I am NOT the bird type.” said Shego. “Way too many run ins with Aviarius from my Team Go days. What’s wrong with calling me a dog?”
Kim blushed furiously. “Shego, there are LEASH laws in this area!”
“Oh. OH!” said Shego, her eyes going wide. She then grinned. “That sounds like fun…”
“There’s laws about cats being out also.” pointed out Wade. “Have to be kept on a harness, while dogs just need a collar.”
KIM: “And after thousands of words, we finally get to the point of the title.”
“Oooh, going to get me a collar, Kimmy?” asked Shego, smirking as she watched Kim’s face turn almost as red as her hair.
“Dog.” said Ron, firmly, as he marked the appropriate box. “What should I put for breed? Peruvian hairless?”
“I’ve got hair.” said Shego. “A Plasmon slinger?”
“More like a plasmanian devil.” said Kim.
The two women bickered, until settling on a ‘dark haired retriever’, appropriate considering how much stuff Shego had ‘retrieved’ for Drakken over the years.
SHEGO: “Put down 'Labrador Retriever'.”
RON: “You're not a Labrador Retriever.”
SHEGO: “Yes I am. Just show me a Labrador and I'll retrieve it. Have you got a Labrador?”
RON: “Uhh, no…”
SHEGO: “Know where you can GET a Labrador?”
RON: “Well, uh, no…”
SHEGO: “Then SHUT UP.”
Ron was able to fill out the weight and size portions of the form without any bickering. “Ok, just need a vet to check Shego out… I mean, Shee-ga-roo, and then we can send this in.”
“Whoa, whoa…” said Shego. “No one said anything about a vet.”
“Look, it’s required.” said Ron. “All the vet has to do is write on a piece of paper that he examined you, that you were in good health, and had gotten all the shots you needed. “
Shego frowned. “Can’t I go to a human doctor, at least?”
“Rules say it has to be a veterenarian” said Wade.
“I hate rules.” muttered Shego.
“Wade, check your records.” said Kim. “Find me a vet who owes me a favor.”
KIM: “Hey Shego, do you know how a vet takes an animal's temperature?”
SHEGO: “Oh crap.”
KIM: “No, but you were close.”
X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X
“Hi there, Doctor Didnamuch.” said Kim, standing outside the safe house. “Thanks for agreeing to make a house call.”
“Oh, no trouble after you and Ron helped treat that injured pet kangaroo” said Doctor Didnamuch.
RON (As the doctor): Just wait till you get my bill!”
“No big, it just happens Ron can speak marsupial.” said Kim. “Um, before I show you the pet, can I ask what your stance on patient confidentiality is?”
Doctor Didnamuch frowned. “Kim, is there some legal problem involving your pet? Is it dangerous?”
KIM: “Danger, Will Robinson!”
RON: “You've been watching the Trash-TV Channel, huh Kim?”
KIM: “A little.”
“Well, she can be dangerous.” admitted Kim. “And the legal problem will go away after you’ve checked her and I get her registered as my pet.”
Doctor Didnamuch scratched his head. “Kim, if this pet is a serious threat to people, I don’t think I can approve.”
RON: “Slip him a few bucks, Kim, that worked with the dog show judges.”
“Look, just promise that you’ll come in and listen, and then not tell anyone.” said Kim. “If you don’t agree to help, just say so. I’ll consider the favor repaid as long as you don’t tell anyone. Nobody is going to get hurt, I want you to check this animal to keep someone from getting hurt.”
SHEGO: “Just do the job and no one gets hurt!”
Doctor didnamuch frowned. &Ldquo;you’re being very mysterious, but all right. I Promise.”
“Good.” said Kim, opening the door. “Come on in, doctor.”
Kim waited until the doctor had closed the door. “Here, Shee-ga-roo!” Kim called.
“You’re enjoying this a little too much” grumbled Shego. Kim had been able to find some clothes in her closet that fit Shego. As a result, Shego was now wearing a mid-riff baring shirt and a pair of pants that were loose on Kim but tight on the slightly taller, more developed woman.
Doctor Didnamuch blinked in puzzlement. “I don’t understand.”
SHEGO: “Welcome to my life.”
Kim quickly explained how Shego had been declared non-human, and how Kim wanted to ‘adopt’ Shego long enough to get the mess straightened out.
“But, if Shee-ga-roo… I mean, Shego, is such a dangerous criminal…” said Dr. Didnamuch.
“Look, doc.” said Shego. “Being chased like an animal forces you to reevaluate some stuff. I became a criminal for three reasons. First, to annoy my brothers, second for the adrenaline rush, and third for the money. I can’t spend money when I’m being hunted, I’ve had all the adrenaline I ever needed hiding from the kill-happy cops, and I’m old enough now that pissing off my brothers isn’t on my to-do list any more.”
“Shego!” said Kim, reflexively. “Watch your language!”
KIM: “I have a rolled up newspaper and I'm not afraid to use it!”
Shego rolled her eyes but made no other protest.
“Well… I think I see.” said Dr. Didnamuch. “So, all you need me to do is examine Shego and write out a note saying that she’s fine.”
“Just the note.” said Shego.
Dr. Didnamuch frowned. “Well, to be legal, I’d have to do a full examination. I did bring my medical bag.”
RON: “He's going to 'play doctor'.”
“I can’t believe this.” grumbled Shego. She shrugged out of the shirt and pants, standing in just a much-washed bra and panties. For the second time, she climbed onto the (Fortunately very sturdy) kitchen table, getting on all fours.
Dr. Didnamuch gave Shego a thorough examination, falling so much into routine that he only addressed Kim, forgetting that Shego could understand also.
“Well, her pulse rate and breathing all seem fine. No fleas, of course, and she doesn’t need any shots.” said Dr. Didnamuch. “Now, I have to check her body temperature.”
“Where ya planning to stick the thermometer?” growled Shego, nervously.
“Relax, this goes in your ear.” said Dr. Didnamuch.
SHEGO: “Whew!”
KIM: “Darn.”
The exam didn’t take long, and a much bemused Dr. Didnamuch left shortly afterwards, leaving a properly filled out and signed report with Kim.
X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X
The next three days were a mixture of mind numbing boring and nerve-wracking for Shego. She wouldn’t be safe until the paperwork was fully processed, which meant she had nothing to do but hide in the borrowed house.
SHEGO: “Hide and Go Seek is boring when you have to play by yourself.”
Every time someone came to the door, Shego had to wonder if Global Justice had somehow located her.
RON: “Pizza delivery!”
SHEGO: “I don't believe you!”
RON: “No, I really have your order.”
SHEGO: “Lier! Name all the toppings your store offers!”
On the third day, a grinning Kim came in, carrying a brown envelope and a bag.
KIM: “Hmm, what's this burned cap and pizza box doing on the steps?”
“Well?” said Shego. All this time alone by herself had left Shego with a craving for an identity, any identity… even if it was as Kim’s pet.
Smiling, Kim tipped the envelope over the table. A small, round metal tag slid out.
X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X
SHEE-GA-ROO
Property of:
Kimberly Ann Possible
If found, please call
(555)777234 or the
Middleton Pet Center
at 1-800-LOST-PET.
X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X
“So, all I have to do is carry this around in my pocket?” said Shego.
“Not exactly.” said Kim. She took a jet black collar from out of the bag. The collar seemed to be made of some hard, shiny plastic, made of two halves connected by a hinge. The inside of the collar was lined with some soft, padded material.
SHEGO: “Somebody's been shopping at the local fetish shop.”
“What is that? Something from Smarty Mart?” asked Shego.
“No.” said Kim. “Wade thought Global Justice might get a bit tetchy and point out you can remove an ordinary dog collar. This is his answer. It locks when put on, requiring a special set of coded magnetic pulses to unlock. Also, the collar has a tracking system that only Wade or I can use to find you.”
Shego frowned suspiciously at the collar.
“Come on, please?” said Kim, her facial features slipping into the expression passed down through generations of Possible women, known as the ‘Puppy Dog Pout’.
RON: “Kim, SHEGO'S supposed to be the dog, not you!”
Shego sighed and picked up the collar. The collar gave a faint ‘click’ as the two halves linked together, the locking mechanism and hinge so well hidden that the collar seemed one solid piece. Smiling, Kim carefully attached the tag to a D-Ring on the front of the collar.
“There.” said Kim. “Now you’re all mine.”
(Kim laughs like a mad scientist)
Shego tried to hide the shiver that Kim’s playful words caused her. “So, now what.” Shego said, trying to sound as if someone putting a collar and tag on her happened every week.
“Well, Wade sends a message to Global Justice telling them you’re now my pet. And then, the really hard part begins.” said Kim. She took a deep breath. “Explaining to my parents that I now have a pet.”
RON: “The hard part will be explaining WHY you have a pet. Looks like this is cutting to a break, so I'll meet you girls in the lobby.”
(DOORS) 1*2*3*4*5*6