Hate is Such a Strong Word

Chapter 1



1 - 2 - 3 - 4 - 5 - 6 - 7 - 8

TITLE: Distraction

AUTHOR: beeftony

DISCLAIMER: Kim Possible, Ron Stoppable, and all related characters are the property of the Disney Company. I own this work of fiction. I make no profit from this.

SUMMARY: What would happen if Kim turned bad? My interpretation of Kim's declaration of hatred towards Shego in StD.

TYPE: Kim/Shego

RATING: US: PG-13 / DE: 12

Note: Could it Be is performed by Christy Carlson Romano

Words: 4714

“You know what I really hate?” She spits the words at her rival, taunting her. She has every right to be angry. Nobody plays Kim Possible like that. Nobody.

“That your… date melted?” comes the response, playful and sarcastic. The woman is lithe and powerful, but she is clearly afraid. It is hard to tell just how much she is bleeding in the torrential rain. She is breathing heavily from the fact that she has just barely avoided falling and had to pull herself back onto the roof. Despite her exhaustion, Shego manages to shift into a fighting stance, one arm extended in front of her while the other is raised behind her head. She shifts her weight to her hips, crouching like a panther.

“Nah, you.” The simple statement is punctuated by a strong kick that strikes the green woman square in the gut, forcing up blood from deep within her as her intestines suffer brutal trauma. The rain washes it clean in an instant, however, and only the most meticulous observer would notice the dark red liquid. Her scream seems to carry for miles as Shego is propelled backwards for a good hundred feet, crashing into a highly electrified tower. The force of the impact is sufficient to cause the tower to collapse, carrying Shego down into what will become her tomb.

A red-haired figure stands proudly above it all, lightning crashing behind her as she squints her eyes in triumph. She has done it. She has defeated her arch-nemesis. The great Shego is no more.

“This isn’t over! Oh, this can’t be over!” the mad scientist laments from the back of the police van. A green-skinned woman sits beside him, her hair gone frizzy from the electric shock. She’s lucky to be alive.

Green eyes meet an identical set for a brief moment. Kim and Shego stare at each other. All of the boundaries between them come tumbling down and the rest of the world is a blur. Kim can see straight into the other woman’s soul. She sees, pain, remorse, and apology. Not what she expects from someone she nearly killed. But in that silent moment, Shego forgives Kim with her eyes. The look on her face seems to say, “Now we’re even.”

Time stands still as they continue to watch each other, so close and yet separated by infinite distance. If she could, Kim would cross the chasm that separates them right now and beg forgiveness. She didn’t mean it. What she said was in the heat of the moment. She needs to let her know this. She never meant to hurt her as bad as she did. She crossed a line tonight, and she doubts that she will ever be able to go back to the way things were.

Kim has never killed. She holds herself to a strict code of honor. Her relationship with the green woman has never been about hatred. She has always seen Shego as someone caught up in the wrong crowd; like a dark reflection of herself. She has a great amount of professional respect for her. So why did she say she hated her? The answer is simple, so simple that she dares not think about it: she lost her temper.

It wasn’t unprovoked. Shego had crossed a line as well by threatening to steal her boyfriend away from her. Even if it was meant as a joke, it still hurt Kim that she would make it personal. All their taunts up to now have been strictly superficial. But Shego touched a nerve tonight. And Kim reacted not out of an innate sense of justice, but rather out of revenge. She wanted to get Shego back for what she had said. But now she sees that she was wrong. Now, looking at those eyes, Kim is overcome with heart-wrenching guilt. She forces herself to look away.

She needs something to take her mind off of this sitch. Then she remembers that her relationship with Shego isn’t all that changed tonight. She looks at her partner. He was very brave tonight. He helped her in her moment of weakness. Now she feels like she owes him something for the display. She really has been acting like a bitch lately. It took nearly killing a woman she has always admired to make her see her dark side. She wants to make it up to Ron. She has an idea.

“Deal with it dude, it’s over.” The door slams shut, and Ron Stoppable turns to his partner. She’s grinning. Grabbing him by the hand, she starts dragging him towards the rocket-equipped scooter.

“Where are we going?” He asks innocently.

“You’ll see.”

They walk into the refurbished gymnasium, holding hands. Kim is nervous. This is a big step, for both of them. Not even Bonnie’s failed attempt at ridicule is enough to bring them down. But try as she might, she can’t keep her mind off of a certain green-skinned female. She feels herself pushed into Ron, and they gaze into each other’s eyes. This is right. This is how it’s supposed to go. A song starts, but it’s a blur. One image remains in her mind. It is not the image she wants to see.

I know we've been friends forever
But now I think I'm feeling something totally new
And after all this time
I've opened up my eyes
Now I see you were always with me

The teen hero watches herself dance with Ron. She does not feel like she’s even involved. She finds herself focusing on one thought. She could have killed her! She may not have meant to, but that doesn’t change the fact that Shego almost died! All because she let her emotions get the better of her. And now she finds herself in a new and unfamiliar sitch that should be wonderful, but she cannot get those eyes out of her head. They looked so… hurt. It breaks her heart.

Could it be you and I
Never imagined
Could it be, suddenly
I'm falling for you

Could it be? Is she falling for her best friend? Or is this just to take her mind off of the last words she said to the woman that she almost killed tonight? It doesn’t matter. She stops in the middle of the floor and looks at him, confused. Her head tilts slightly downward and she gazes up at him demurely. He looks back at her with those chocolate brown eyes. He looks so innocent. But she has lost that claim to innocence by nearly taking a life in the name of justice. No, not justice—revenge. She pushes those thoughts aside for a moment. This is real. She wants this.

Could it be you were right here beside me
And I never knew
Could it be that it's true that it's you

Kim closes her eyes. She leans in. This is right. This is how it’s supposed to go. She cranes her neck forward, meeting the lips of her friend in the perfect fairy tale kiss. Thirteen years of friendship all culminate in a fantastic spectacle that has the entire gymnasium cheering. But something is wrong. Instead of Ron, she sees another face imprinted on the back of her eyelids. Shego!

With a gasp, she pulls back. Ron looks at her, bewildered at first, then concerned. “KP, is everything alright?”

It's kind of funny you were always near
But who would ever have thought that we would end up here
And every time I've needed you
You've been there to pull me through
Now it's clear
I've been waiting for you

No it isn’t. She was imagining kissing Shego! Of all people to imagine kissing, why her? Why the woman for whom she had declared her hatred tonight? Was Shego haunting her? Was she cursed? Too many questions and not enough time to answer them all. This must be her conscience playing tricks on her. She can’t get that face out of her head because she feels so remorseful for what she has done tonight. She likes boys! She loves Ron! Of all times, why now? Couldn’t Shego haunt her some other time?

Today is the start of the rest of our lives
I can see it in your eyes
That it's real and it's true
And it's just me and you
Could it be that it's true
That it's you

“I-I have to go,” she stammers, and runs out the door, leaving a slack-jawed Ron Stoppable standing in the middle of the dance floor wondering what the hell he did wrong.

“Wade, where’d that police van go?”

“The one carrying Drakken and Shego?” The supergenius responds. His computer equipment is badly damaged from the Diablo bot that attacked earlier, and he has assembled it as best he can. It’s barely holding together.

Kim nods. “Yeah, that one. Do you know where it is?”

“Why? Is something wrong?”

‘Yeah, I told someone I hated her and then almost killed her. She won’t get out of my head till I say I’m sorry.’ “It’s personal, Wade. Just get me a GPS lock.”

“Already on it,” Wade responds, his fingers flying over the keyboard at incredible speed. “Got it! Should I radio them to let them know you’re coming?”

“That’d be great. Tell them I need to speak with Shego. In private.”

The supergenius stops typing for a moment. “Did something happen between you two?”

‘Why do I wish that meant what it sounds like?’ “Yeah, something did. I told her I hated her.”

“You don’t?”

Kim sighs. “No, Wade, I don’t. Now where is she?”

“I’ve put her signature on your Kimmunicator. Just follow the green dot. I’ll get on the radio and tell ‘em to stop so you two can talk. She’s probably not gonna be too happy.”

“I know, Wade, but I have to let her know I didn’t mean what I said.”

Wade now looks even more confused. “Why does it matter to you?”

Kim sighs. “Because I’ve never hated anyone before, and I’m not gonna start now. Besides, I kinda kicked her into the tower and almost killed her. I want to say I’m sorry.”

“Couldn’t you have done that before you went back to the prom with Ron?” The fact that Wade knows this doesn’t surprise Kim. If he weren’t the boy who ran her website, she’d accuse him of being a stalker.

“I was… confused. But all I know is that I left Ron alone at that prom because I couldn’t get that damn woman’s face out of my head. I need closure.”

“Alright, Kim, I won’t ask any more questions. Hopefully the driver won’t either. Go get her.”

Kim quirks her eyebrow at that statement. “What do you mean, ‘Go get her?’ You made it sound like I’m chasing after someone I love.”

“No I didn’t,” Wade replies, beyond confused now. He’s completely bewildered.

“Oh. Right. Um, you’d better call them quick before they get out of town.”

“On it. Later, Kim.”

“Later.” The rockets on the scooter ignite and Kim races off into the night.

‘“You made it sound like I’m chasing after someone I love.”’ Kim replays that statement in her head. Was that what she was doing? Did she love Shego? She sure as hell didn’t hate her; that was the whole point of this. ‘Major wrongsick! She’s a girl! Just because I imagined kissing her while I was kissing Ron doesn’t mean I’m a lesbian!’ She slows down for a moment. ‘Does it? Am I so disgusted by the thought of kissing Ron that I pretended it was Shego I was kissing? Did I enjoy it better that way? It’s not like it changes anything between us. So I pretended it was Shego, the woman I just told that I hate. Does that mean I love her?’ She stops.

‘Do I love her? What does that mean for me and Ron? The poor boy basically poured his soul out to me tonight, and I took him to the prom. But did I do it because I wanted to? Or because I felt guilty and wanted to take my mind off of the fact that I may be in love with my arch-nemesis? Oh, this is so the drama!’ Realizing that the light in front of her has been green for quite sometime, she rockets forward after the woman that she now realizes she doesn’t hate, and may or may not love.

Focusing only on her speed, she tries not to think about what this may mean for her. She fails. ‘So what does that mean if I say I’m a lesbian? Bonnie would have a field day, but then again, if tonight was any indication, she’s losing her appeal. The press would call me a bunch of rude names and make up wild rumors, but I’ve never cared much about them anyway. So they don’t matter, but… how will my parents react? They saw me earlier tonight going to the prom with not one but two boys! Will they think I was trying to hide it from them by doing that? It’s not true, since I’m just thinking about this now. And I know they’d love me and accept me for who I am. They’re open-minded enough. So I guess the one thing I should be worrying about is: how will Shego react?’

The thought is pushed to the back of Kim’s mind as she spots the van up ahead. It is stopped by the side of the road and Shego stands outside, armed guards on either side. She comes to a slow halt. Her heart pounds in her chest as she slowly lifts off her helmet, letting her soft red hair cascade down. The frantic ride has caused her ponytail to come undone. Not that she cares. She slowly walks towards Shego. This is it. No going back. If she does this, her entire life will change. Naturally, she is nervous.

“Ya gonna make me wait out here all night, Princess? I’ve got an appointment with some of the girls in cellblock S! Mama needs to get laid after what just happened tonight!” Oh God, is Shego serious? That would mean she’s already involved… No. She has to do this. It’s now or never.

“Could you… give us a few minutes alone?” Kim requests of the guards, who eye her quizzically, but comply. She breathes a sigh of relief and turns to Shego.

“So what do you need to talk about, Princess? Here to gloat some more about how you defeated us? That’s low, even for you.”

Under normal circumstances Kim would think up a witty retort, which would in turn cause Shego to reply in the same manner, and the pattern would continue until the argument was reduced to fisticuffs. But not tonight. This is different. Swallowing heavily, Kim looks straight into Shego’s deep green eyes. “No. I… came to say I’m sorry.” Her voice is barely a whisper. But she knows somehow that Shego heard every word.

There are only a handful of things in life that can render Shego speechless. One is a gag. Another is when a bombshell has just been dropped on her. Kim finds the courage to give a weak smile. “Surprised?”

“I shouldn’t be,” the green woman returns. “But I am. What the hell are you sorry for? You just saved the goddamn world tonight.”

“And I almost killed you to do it!” Kim shouts back, tears welling up in her eyes for reasons she does not understand. “No, it wasn’t even to save the world. I had already saved it, and I still wanted to hurt you. I almost killed you. I told you I hated you.” Now the tears are streaming down her face, reddening her eyes.

“I deserved it,” Shego insists. “After all, God forbid anyone try to take over the world on your prom night.” The sarcastic tone cuts Kim’s heart like a knife, not because Shego is mocking her, but because every word is true. Except those first three.

Kim shakes her head. “No, you didn’t deserve it. I kicked you into that tower because I was angry at you. You’re right; I went after you to get back at you for ruining my perfect night. But I shouldn’t have done what I did. Punching you into a wall should have been enough for that comment about wanting to take Eric away from me.”

“Is that what this is about?” Shego asks, shocked. “You told me you hated me because I ruined your chance to spend your prom night with a walking dildo?”

“Well, yes, but I didn’t mean it!” Kim cries out desperately. “I came here to tell you that I don’t hate you! I’ve never hated you! In all the times we’ve been fighting, I’ve had nothing but respect for you! I was a bitch tonight! I’m sorry for trying to kill you! I didn’t mean it!” She falls to her knees and begins to cry. This isn’t how she wanted it to go. She was just supposed to tell Shego she was sorry and head back to the prom to explain the whole thing to Ron. But now it’s more complicated than she anticipated. There’s no backing out now.

“Whoa, whoa, calm down, Pumpkin. So you don’t hate me?”

“No!” Kim shouts as she stands to her feet once more. “I don’t know how I feel about you! It’s always been about professional respect but, after tonight I don’t think that’s it anymore! We both crossed a line by making it personal. Now we have to figure out what all this means!”

“We?” Shego questions. “Speak for yourself, Princess. It sounds like you need to figure out how you feel about me. I’ve already decided what I think about you.”

Kim gulps. “And what do you think about me?” she asks softly, her frustration disappearing.

“I think you’ve got potential. I think you showed your dark side tonight and you liked it until you realized that you were enjoying it. Then you started feeling guilty and decided to come after me so you can wipe your conscience clean and get back to your goodie-two-shoes life. You need to realize that enjoying that sort of thing isn’t all that bad.”

“It is when you realize you almost killed someone that you may have grown to like over the years,” Kim replies meekly, and Shego is stunned into silence once again.

“What?” the green woman manages after a few awkward moments.

“I don’t know,” Kim mutters half to herself. “I guess I’ve kind of taken it for granted that you’re always there to give me a challenge and keep me from getting sloppy. I always used to look forward to our fights. Sometimes I’d find my heart beating a little faster whenever I heard you were robbing some place and I had to go and stop you. You kept it exciting. I was never bored with our fights. You brought out the best in me.” She pauses and dips her head. Her eyes sink into the pavement. “But tonight it was different. I honestly felt like I wanted to hurt you for what you did. I lost my temper. I’ve never hated you, Shego, and it took saying that I did to realize how much I don’t. I’ve always admired you, Shego. Some part of me wants to be just like you.”

“And the other part?” Shego interjects, trying to be snide but instead coming off as genuinely curious.

“Isn’t sure,” Kim answers. “I’d like to find out, though.”

“What do you mean?” Shego is now confused. But then Kim herself doesn’t completely understand what she’s doing here. All she knows is that she wants one thing. She doesn’t know why; nor does she particularly care, but she knows that this is right.

“After you were arrested, Ron and I went back to the prom,” she answers. “And… we kissed.”

“Well whoop-de-doo for you, Princess,” Shego snaps. “Is that all you came here to tell me? Because I thought you said you didn’t come here to rub it in.”

“I didn’t,” Kim replies.

“Well then why the hell are you telling me this?”

“If you’ll let me finish, I’ll tell you,” Kim answers.

“Okay, fine. Finish.”

Now that she has Shego’s approval, the redhead breathes a sigh of relief and continues. “It wasn’t how I thought it’d be. I mean, it’s not like I haven’t been kissed before, I knew what it would feel like, but… I guess I expected it to be different this time. And, in a way, it was.”

“And what way is that?”

Kim lowers her gaze and sighs. “When I was kissing him, I… sort of pretended I was kissing you.” There. She said it. Now to await the reaction.

Kim has always said she can do anything. But suspense is one of the few things she can’t handle. The anticipation is killing her. She finds the courage to look Shego in her deep green eyes. She is at her most vulnerable right now. She expects the older woman to laugh at her and tell her she’s crazy and stupid, to get out of her sight before she makes even more of a fool out of herself. But she sees none of that in those viridian orbs so similar to her own. Instead, she sees… uncertainty. Confusion. They are the eyes of someone even more unsure of the sitch than herself. She wants to comfort the woman in front of her. But she cannot find the strength to move.

“Did you like it?” Shego manages.

“What?” Kim balks, shocked out of her immobility. That was not the answer she expected.

“I said, did you like pretending it was me?” Shego repeats.

Kim is at a loss for words. “I… was a bit shocked at first, so shocked that I stopped the kiss and ran out of the prom without even saying goodbye to Ron and I thought it was because I was feeling guilty about telling you I hated you and I had to apologize before I could kiss Ron without thinking of kissing you but then I thought about it on the way over here and I realized that I’ve always sort of respected you and… and….” She begins to hyperventilate. “I think I might be falling in love with you!” There. It’s out. Now for the part where Shego laughs at her and tells her she’s crazy.

“Show me.” If she could, Kim would do a double take with her ears. She can’t believe Shego just said that.


“Show me,” the green woman repeats. Her face is completely serious. Her eyes are full of emotion. “Show me that you’re not just pulling my leg here. Show me that you’re not playing me. Show me how much you love me.”

“Shego, I….” This is SO not what she expected. Who is this woman and what has she done with Shego? “Why?”

“Kimmie, you just skipped out on your junior prom, left a boy who’s loved you since you were four, took his scooter down here to talk to me, and you’re not willing to go one extra step? I just need to know that you’re serious about this.”

“Why?” Kim asks.

“Because I might be falling in love with you too,” Shego admits. Now it is Kim’s turn to be stunned into silence.

“H-how?” she stammers.

“I doubt this has anything on your story, but lets just say I’ve liked you since the day I met you. Not romantically or anything, but I kinda saw a lot of myself in you. So I figured I’d take it easy on you. Then you started getting better, and I didn’t have to pull my punches as much. You cleaned the floor with me tonight. Battle suit or no battle suit, you’ve always been a match for me. I like that in a woman. So now when you come down here and do all that just to tell me you’re sorry about telling me you hate me and you might just love me, I can’t help thinking that maybe I feel the same way.”

“Shego that’s…” Kim finds herself unable to complete the sentence.

Shego completes it for her. “Stupid?”

“No, a relief,” Kim admits. “I thought you’d laugh in my face and tell me I was crazy or something.”

“Kimmie, the one thing I’m not gonna do is laugh at you for being honest. It took guts to do what you did tonight. Now you can go back to your prom.”

“But I thought you wanted me to—”

Shego raises her hand. “As much as I want to, Princess, I can’t. I think it would just complicate things too much. In case you don’t remember, I’m on my way to prison.”

Kim is suddenly struck with an idea. “Run away with me.”

Shego is dumbstruck. “What?”

“Run away with me,” the redhead repeats. “All that’s left for me back there is a guy that I don’t want to have to tell that I’m a lesbian and you’re on your way to jail. And I just happen to have a rocket-powered scooter with a full tank of gas. What say we get out of here?”

“But the guards—”

“Can’t hear us. And even if they did, couldn’t you just melt the cuffs?”

Shego scoffs. “Well, of course I could, but Drakken—”

“Didn’t tell you about his plan until the last minute and sent in a synthodrone to do what should have been your job. He only sees you as hired help, Shego. Forget about him. He’s dead weight. Besides, wouldn’t you like to see where this leads without that blue doofus tagging along?”

Shego thinks about that for a moment, and a wicked grin stretches across her face. “Let’s do a jailbreak.” She lights her hands and the metal turns into slag. They sneak back to the scooter, and Kim hands Shego a spare helmet. She starts the engine.

This unfortunately catches the attention of the guards, who until now have been having an absent-minded conversation of their own and have no idea why the world famous teen hero Kim Possible is springing her arch-enemy. It’s the one thing that keeps them from opening fire.

Their hesitation is their undoing. The rockets flare and the scooter is off like a shot, knocking the guards to the ground, unconscious. Not that they would have been able to keep up anyway.

As the scooter literally rockets down the highway, Kim discovers to her great pleasure that if feels good to have Shego gripping her midsection. She is so caught up in the adrenaline rush that she doesn’t even think about the fact that she has just committed a major felony. No, the only thing on her mind is that she has just freed the woman she loves, whatever that might mean for her future. But she’s running away from her past life. Forget Ron. Forget her parents. Forget saving the world. This is the beginning of something new. Something exciting. Something that will change her life forever.

“You know what I love?” she shouts over the wind.

“Committing a major felony to spring someone you helped capture?” Shego guesses.

“Nah, you.”

As much as I’ve enjoyed writing The Silence, I wanted to do a different type of KiGo. Almost every story has Shego turning good, but what if Kim turned bad? I happen to think she’d make a great criminal. I also chose to have it take place immediately after the events of StD. Her transformation may seem to happen too fast, but that’s the idea. It’s also the reason I wrote this chapter in present tense. The next chapter will have Kim panicking over what she’s just done. That should be fun to write. I’ll update this story when I can, but my main priority is The Silence. I’m working on Chapter 16 of that one right now, and I should have it done by the end of next week. Please read and review. No flames, please.


1 - 2 - 3 - 4 - 5 - 6 - 7 - 8