“Look, Ron-ochio, you’ve become a REAL boy!” Tara pulled the strings that were tied to Stoppable’s arms and legs with gusto, causing the make-shift marionette to dance about with all the grace of a blind epileptic.
Ron hung just above a busted up puppet stage in the evil pixie’s basement, dressed like a lil’ Dutch boy. The crazed girl stood above him pulling his cords and giggling like a fiend.
“Uh, Tara, I’m really starting to chafe in the crotch area, can we take a break?” The Stopper felt like a bigger tool than Aaron Carter.
“Silly Ron, puppets don’t talk!” The crazed girl lowered a cat with strings tied to it next to the Dutch boy, which hissed and began ripping him up with its claws.
The blond monster laughed so hard, she nearly fell off her platform. Suddenly, hearing silence, the girl looked down to see the Ron-ster’s clothes were hanging there, but the boy himself was gone.
“Ronnie?!”
The basement door flew open as a naked imp bolted through it and began running around the house looking for an escape route. Finding all the doors either covered in barb wire or electrified, the boy had no choice but to seek refuge in the bathroom.
“I don’t know how much more of this I can take!” Ron sighed as he locked and chained the door.
“Well, it’s about time! Where have you been?” Drew appeared, nearly giving the imp a heart attack. “There’s work to be done and you’re… Argh, put some clothes on, for Gawds sake!!”
Drew grabbed a pink, frilly ensemble hanging from the towel rack and handed it to the nekkid lad. “Here, wear this!”
“That’s lingerie, I can’t wear that!” Ron covered himself with a wash cloth and scowled at the blue menace. “That’s girl clothes!”
“We don’t have time for this, and I have NO interest in staring at your choke-pole, I’m not Neil Patrick Harris!” Drew shoved the expensive, lace garment into the Stopper’s hands and turned around. “Make it snappy, I don’t have all day!”
Ron mumbled angrily as he donned the pink get up and looked at himself in the mirror.
“Does this make me look fat?”
“Yes, you look like Elton John, now back to business!” The evil man rubbed his hands together and glanced about the room for evil inspiration.
Laughing maniacally, the villain pointed behind the Ron-ster and smiled. “We’re going to destroy the toilet!”
“What?!” Ron gave the “imaginary” guy a look of utter confusion. “How?!”
“Simple, we use what’s at hand!” Drew pointed to the various cans of hair spray and other assorted, flammable cosmetic products that littered the sink.
Ron groaned in protest, but obeyed anyway, filling the porcelain basin with aerosol cans.
“Now, to find something to get this started…” Glancing about, Drew scowled at the imp. “Start searching the drawers and cabinets.”
Opening a cigar box on the back on the bath caddie, Ron discovered a snub nosed revolver.
“Alright, a gun!” The boy held it up and smiled like a kid on Christmas.
“Why would THAT be in here?” Drew rubbed his chin and frowned.
A small note lay in the bottom of the box that read, “In case of Phil Spector.”
The two looked at each other and responded at the same time. “Oh…”
The sound of a voice shouting from outside the door startled the two.
“Ronnie, are you in there!!” Tara leaned against the bathroom door and listened. “You had better not be scrubbing your weasel in there; we decided you’re not allowed to do that anymore!”
“Oh crap, what do we do?” Ron began to panic.
“Who cares about her, shoot the cans you buffoon!” Drew pointed to the crapper.
“What about us, won’t we be caught in the blast?” The imp gave his imaginary friend a concerned stare.
“Not if you close the lid really fast!” The blue man crossed his arms and smirked.
“Uh, are you sure that’s how this works?” The Ron-ster frowned and let his shoulders slump down at his sides.
“Who’s the expert here, now shoot!” Drew was practically shouting at this point.
“Now look, I’ve done some really bad stuff for you lately, but this is too much!” The blond imp turned his back and crossed his arms in disgust.
“Ronnie, if you don’t open this door, Stuff E. Bearington and I are gonna bust in there and give you a Cleveland Steamer!” The angry blond began banging her fist on the door.
“I changed my mind, let’s do this.” Ron turned toward the toilet and pulled the trigger.
A massive explosion was heard as the whole room was engulfed by a fire ball. The bathroom door was blown off its hinges and sent sailing past Tara, embedding itself in the wall. The Ron-ster was shot straight up through the ceiling like a rocket, reaching a good two-hundred feet in the air; he fell back down to Earth and landed in a trash can by the curb. Two sanitation workers pulled up next to it and hopped off the back of their truck.
“Holy SHIT, somebody tossed out a burned up cross dresser!” Trashman Bob pointed at the singed Stoppable.
“Look, buddy, just because this girl/boy was smokin’ crack and fell asleep, burning her/himself to hell doesn’t mean you can point and stare, it’s rude.’” Trashman Rob corrected his friend’s behavior.
“Sorry bud/babe, you keep reachin’ for that rainbow!” Bob gave Ron an encouraging nudge and the two left him to smolder in peace.
Drew, however, ended up in a much different place.
“Well, if it isn’t my brother Drew!” Lord Bandersnatch stared down his nose at the blue skinned fellow lying on the floor of his citadel. The explosion had sent the man all the way back home.
“Eugene, what are YOU doing here?” Drew stood up and glowered at his sibling.
“Last time I checked, this place was MY home, so the real question is, what are YOU doing HERE?!” The evil Colonel Sanders leaned forward and placed his nose only inches from Drew’s.
“I, uh…, had an accident…” Drew looked around timidly and realized that something had gone horribly wrong.
“So, still trying to get your corporeal body back, huh?” The former Eugene Lipski, now Lord Bandersnatch, laughed at his brother’s failure and began to walk around him in circles.
“You coulda chosen “magic” evil, but NO, you chose “science” evil, and now look at you!” The arrogant lord stopped and poked Drew in the chest with an outstretched finger. “You’ve blown yourself up, again!”
“It’s all part of the scientific process; this is just a minor set back.” Drew stuck his nose in the air and scowled. “I’m getting tired of you lording over me with this place, it should have been MINE!”
“Pop thought you were an idiot and that the fortress would be better with me.” Eugene put his hands on his hips and grinned.
“Dad always liked you best!” Drew shook his fist in anger at his brother.
“Dad always knew you were a poser and that I was the really evil one!” Eugene removed his tiny glasses and polished them on his shirt.
“Mark my words, dear brother, I shall regain my body!” Drew puffed up and balled his hands into fists. “When I do, I shall return and reclaim my right to this castle AND my place as a ruler in HELL. You just wait and see!”
The older, non-blue Lipski fell over laughing. Drew turned and walked away in disgust, leaving his brother to roll around on the floor laughing like a hyena.
‘Curse that Eugene, always rubbing his success in my face!’ Lipski took a second to kick his brother’s mailbox over. ‘Just because I was caught up in my own explosion and was forced to exist as a ghost is no reason for him to mock me!’
The unlucky Lipski had attached himself to Stoppable, simply because the boy was so incredibly stupid that controlling him was easy. Making himself only visible to the moron was a little taxing, but the imaginary friend ruse was the only way he could get results from the lazy imp.
‘If I can keep convincing the buffoon to cause destruction and mayhem, I can earn the right to petition the Infernal Congress to give me another chance.’ Drew made his way to the Department of Transportation and took his place in line… again. ‘Once I have my body back, I can kick my rotten brother out of our parent’s citadel and reclaim my birthright.’
“Now serving number seventeen!” The receptionist shouted to the assembled travelers.
Drew looked down at his ticket and noted his number, “One-thousand seventeen”.
“BLAST!”
Shego stumbled through the Possible house carrying a horny Yori on her back.
“Why do I always attract all the FUCKING stalkers?!” The evil woman began smacking the spare baggage against walls and furniture, trying desperately to dislodge it.
Kim’s eyes snapped open, as the thumping and banging interrupted her cat-nap. Monique’s face immediately leapt into view.
“Rise and shine girl, you look bangin’!” The devious, dark skinned, domme flashed a sneaky grin.
Placing a mirror in front of the redhead’s face, Possible gasped and froze in shock. Her best friend had braided her hair into corn-rows.
“I look like a female kick boxer, what have you done?!” Kim turned to look at her unwanted “hairdresser”.
“You should feel privileged; I’m letting you be the “butch”!” ‘Nique slithered up to the stunned girl and began nuzzling her ear.
A scream issued from the living room and Possible came running out, with Monique in hot pursuit.
“Duck, Princess!” Shego hurled her admirer toward the fleeing Kim, who hit the floor and left ‘Nique wide open. The two stalkers crashed into each other and hit the floor in one obsessed heap. The duo was chucked into the pantry and furniture was piled up in front of the door, to keep them locked inside.
“This is getting ridiculous!” Kim tugged at her hair and flinched.
“Not bad, you could be a back-up for Paula Abdul.” Shego glanced at Possible and smirked.
“For dancing or crying on camera?”
The conversation was interrupted by a sound that could best be described as a garbage truck full of aluminum cans rolling down a hill issuing from the front lawn.
Rushing to the front door, Kim and Shego stared in bewilderment at the police cruiser that was wrapped around a tree across the street. The driver’s side door fell off its hinges as Ted stumbled out of the car. Approaching the two, Keening had a layer of white powder under his nose, his hair was sticking in all directions and his eyes were bloodshot. Clutched in his hand was a bottle of rot-gut whisky wearing a label which read, “Uncle Stinky’s Marriage Counseling?”
“Hullo, Tim… Sheera.” The drunken imp stumbled into the house where he immediately swooned and hit the floor.
“Wow, I’ve seen Ted messed up, but not like this!” Kim looked down at the lush with disgust.
“Yeah, well, that Rockbuster chick has been riding him pretty hard lately.” Shego picked up a yard stick and started poking the imp in the crotch.
A police motorcycle screeched to a halt in front of the driveway and Officer Rockwaller stormed up the walkway with a shotgun in her hands.
“Where IS that LOSER?!” Bon-bon cocked the weapon and glared at the couple. “He stole my car and NOW I’m gonna fill his ass with rock salt!”
“Whoa, Maniac Cop, you paid for one day’s rental, but you’ve had him for THREE. So someone owes us a late fee.” Shego blocked Bonnie’s path and frowned, holding out her hand.
“He’s officially my BITCH now; I even have it in writing!” Bon-Bon produced an envelope, which she handed to the she-devil. “See for yourself!”
Shego opened the letter and noted it was in Ted’s handwriting. The imp has apparently jotted down whatever was on his mind instead of what Rockwaller wanted him to. The page showed a list of the body cavities that Keening had shoved his face into on the cop’s gorgeous body, as well as his list of favorite television shows and a picture of Rush Limbaugh shoving a live crab up his ass.
“Yeah, uh, whatever…” Balling up the paper, the villainess tossed it over her shoulder and smirked. “They belong to me, sweetie, we’ve been over this.”
“Kim, your girl-fiend is being a bitch, say something!” Bonnie looked to Possible and gritted her teeth.
“Okay, Bonnie…” Kim turned to her raven-haired concubine and sighed. “Shego, give Ted to Bonnie, she’s lonely.”
“I am NOT lonely!” The cop growled for a second, but quickly looked down at the ground timidly. “Well, not most of the time…”
“FINE!” The devil-girl turned to grab Keening but stopped and looked away with revulsion. “Oh boy, he’s quoting the gospel according to puke…”
“I’ll wash him off.” Kim walked outside and started to unroll the garden hose.
Shego put her hand on Rockwaller’s ass and winked. “So, have you ever played strip-Chutes and Ladders?”
“Uh, no…” Bon-Bon looked at the woman with suspicion.
“We should talk.” The devil grinned and led her inside.
“Yori hasn’t been coming to work lately, so remind me to spank her sexy, little bottom next time I see her.” Anne Possible sat upon her throne, while four henchmen carried it down the hall of her secret base.
“Yes, ma’am.” Wendy, the perky secretary, typed the reminder into her Blackberry and grinned. “The guys down at R&D said you would be interested in the info they gained from those two creatures we nabbed.”
“Goodie!” The redhead gave a random employee the finger and giggled.
Stepping down from her conveyance and leaving the carriers to collapse in exhaustion, the beautiful villain stepped through the automatic doors to her private research unit. A group of lab coated dorks stood staring into a pair of cages.
“Uh ma’am, this little critter is fascinating!” Dork number one pointed at Rude-fus. “It has no blood or organs what-so-ever, and yet, can eat more than ten times its weight in burritos!”
“Not to mention the level of violence it displays in the wild.” Dork number two took an empty tequila bottle to the head, courtesy of the devil rat.
“Oh, now I recognize the little fellow, that’s Ron’s pet.” Anne stuck her hand through the bars and patted its little head. “What about the other one?”
“That one is just your typical big-horn sheep.” Dork number three kept his distance from George’s enclosure.
The ram snorted at the slack-jawed gawkers. “Mlehhhhh!”
“The biggest surprise came when we took the D.N.A. samples from this subject and compared them to the samples you gathered from the other three entities.” Dork number one handed Anne a complex printout.
“Oh my word, is this accurate?!” The Brain Surgeon stared at the scientist with disbelief.
Dork number three cleared his throat and spouted rather matter-of-factly. “Our findings stand at 99.8 accuracy!”
Anne gave number three the finger, scorching him to a crisp.
“Don’t be an ass, Randall, it’s very unattractive.”
Ted had been sprayed down and tied to a chair in the kitchen, while Kim sat next to him eating her lunch and occasionally poking him in the face with a fork. Gulping down a glass of milk, a slight noise caught the girl’s attention.
“Pssst…”
“Hello?” The redhead peered around the room looking annoyed, but quickly returned to eating.
“PSSST… Kim!”
Ron poked his head around the corner, trying to get Possible’s attention.
“Ron, what the hell are you doing?” Kim glowered at the goof off and continued. “Why are you sneaking around, get in here!”
Stoppable nervously stepped into the room and frowned. He was dressed in a rather detailed sheep costume, complete with pink ribbon and bell around his neck. The hands and feet even included little hooves.
“Tara has gone crazy, she won’t leave me alone!” Ron dropped to his knees and begged Kim for rescue. “Please, KP, you gotta save me!”
“Oh where, oh where has my little sheep gone?” The voice of the psychotic cupie-doll echoed around the house. “Here he is!”
A Shepard’s hook caught Ron around his neck and yanked him across the room. Tara, dressed as Little Bo Peep, smiled like a horny congressman and scolded the ewe-boy.
“Since the bad little sheep blew up the toilet and ran away, sexy Bo Peep was forced to drag him into the living room and rape him savagely!” The blond babe chuckled in a way that made Kim’s skin crawl.
“Again?!” Ron tried to escape, only to get a stun gun to the neck.
“Uh, Tara?” Kim craned her head to the side and looked to her friend delicately.
“Yeeeessssss?” Tara copied Kim’s tone and movement, only disturbingly so.
“Don’t you think this is a little… I don’t know, … sick?” The redhead batted her eyes and tried to be cute.
“Nooooooo!” Bo Peep batted her eyes harder and acted cuter… sort of.
“Okay, just checking.” Possible immediately went back to minding her own business.
The Shepard dragged the now unconscious Stoppable into the next room and slammed the door. The sound of clothes ripping and fiend laughing could be heard through the walls.
‘I wonder if I could save money on my car insurance by switching to this lizard.’ Kim did her best to ignore the horror.
Shego walked down the stairs and snuck up behind her snuggle buddy.
“Guess who?” The devil put her hands over the girl’s eyes.
“That chick from Mad TV?!” Kim answered playfully.
“You’re funny; I don’t know if I should grope your ass or kick it.” Shego smirked at the college girl.
“Let’s start with one and move to the other.” Kim purred sensually as she turned to smooch the she-monster.
Shego, however, wasn’t there.
“Uh, honey, where did you go?” Looking around, Possible shrugged and went back to poking Ted with kitchen utensils. “Demons, go figure.”
The green and black devil babe found herself sitting in a chair in a very familiar place.
“Hello, Shego, you look fairly skanky as usual.” A busty succubus stepped into view and took a bitch pose. The blue haired bimbo sported wings, a tail, and an outfit that could only be described as Norwegian Valkyrie meets Sussex Bordello.
“Bianca, you pole riding trollop, you still bangin’ satyrs for bus faire?” Shego sneered at the bitch and tossed her an obscene gesture.
“Ignore her; I’M the one who called you down here!” Lord Bander appeared and stared down his evil nose at the woman. “So, status report?”
“Boss, you look great!” The villainess laughed uncomfortably and swallowed hard. “Have you lost weight?”
“Forget the stalling and answer the question!” Bander snorted a puff of smoke and frowned.
“She’s banging the redhead.” Bianca crossed her arms and flashed a toothy grin. “You and your human fetish, Shego, what is it with you and animals?”
“This coming from a woman whose primary diet is semen and penicillin.” The Go-ster fired back without missing a beat.
“Actually, I’m glad you’re involved with Possible. It will make the next part of my plan that much easier to pull off.” The demon lord slapped Bianca across the ass.
“Next part?” Shego raised an eyebrow and leered at her employer with disdain. “What NEXT part?”
“It’s simple, turn around and look at that chart over there.” The Colonel pointed across the room.
Shego spun around in her chair and searched the walls for the aforementioned poster. Lord Bander thrust his clawed hand into the distracted lady’s back and dug into it up to the wrist.
“HOLY SHIT!” The villainess squirmed, cursed, spat and shouted as the jerk dug around in her abdomen.
Withdrawing his hand, Bander didn’t even leave a mark nor have a drop of blood on his skin. In his fingers he held what looked like a shiny, black marble.
“What the HELL was THAT?!” Shego spun back around and was prepared to knock his head off.
“THIS, my dear, is the next part of my plan!” The boss held the object up to her face and sneered.
“What is it?” The devil lady looked at the marble with apprehension. “Why was it in my guts?”
“THIS is your demon seed!” Bander flashed a wicked smile. “YOU are going to get Miss Possible pregnant with this little baby.”
“Demon seed? Pregnant?! What the hell are you babbling about?” A look of rage came over the green devil’s face.
“Since Kim is starting to get used to having you and your two retards around her house, let’s see how she likes raising a little hell spawn of her own!” Bander laughed out loud and polished the seed with his handkerchief.
“Whoa, this is getting kind of screwy. Are you sure you wanna do this?” Shego was actually feeling afraid for her human girlfriend.
“Absolutely, this is the best idea I’ve had in years.” The lord dropped the pill into Shego’s hand. “You won’t have a problem doing this, will you?”
“What if I do?” Go-Go turned away in anger.
“I’ll chuck you in the Lake of Fire.” The man answered without pity.
“Right, what was I thinking?” Taking the gift from Colonel Jerk-off, the poor demon stared at it and sighed. ‘I don’t want to put this thing in my little Kimmie.’
“Now let’s get you back to work.” The fiend grabbed Shego by the head and stuffed her into a mirror on his wall.
Popping out of the mirror in Kim’s bedroom, the lady fiend hit the floor with a “thump”.
“That dirty, piece of crap!” Shego stood up and scowled at the marble. “How the hell am I gonna get away with this?”
Dropping it onto one of the dressers, the beautiful beast strutted out of the room, slamming the door behind her. The force of the slam shook the dresser, causing the marble to roll over the edge and fall. Making it’s way along a seam on the hard wood floor, the “seed” dropped through one of the various holes that Ted had drilled into the room for the purpose of spying on the lesbians. The black orb fell through the air, heading directly for the open mouth of the recently raped Ron.
The imp leapt to his feet, coughing and choking. Swallowing hard, the freckled sheep turned to his Peep and scowled.
“You promised no more force feeding me gross stuff!”
“Ronnie, I didn’t feed you anything.” Tara put her hands on her hips and frowned. “Even if I did, we’re in love, so I can technically do what I want.”
“We’re not in LOVE!” Stoppable paused and looked confused for a moment. “Are we?!”
“Do you get nervous and sweaty when I’m around?” Bo Peep batted her sexy eyes at him. “Are you frightened and nauseous at the same time?”
“Uh… yes.” Ron raised an eyebrow in dismay.
“Well that sounds like love to me.” The blond giggled in a way that made Freddie Krueger seem adorable.
“Wait a minute…” The Stopper rubbed his chin in deep thought. “Oh my GAWD, she’s RIGHT!”
‘Jeez, Ronnie is stupid, now I can finally be the smart one in a relationship!’ The petite monster grabbed Stoppable by his collar and dragged him into the kitchen. “We’re gonna tell everyone the good news!”
Shego sat at the kitchen table groping Possible, while a still unconscious Ted sat strapped to a chair and drooling. The impetuous Bo Peep dropped her sheep to the floor with a loud bang and made her announcement.
“Ronnie and I are in love and we’re getting MARRIED!” Tara squeaked with joy and hugged the ewe with all her might.
“WHAT?!?!” Ron gasped and turned red, as the combined force of their impending engagement and her vise-like grip constricted his very soul.
“Ew…” Possible curled her nose in disgust.
“Whatever…” Shego didn’t even turn to look.
“You didn’t… I didn’t… I… I… NOOOO!!!” The blond imp was now in a panic, but could not escape the steel arms of love.
“Hold on a second…” Kim shot the “happy” couple a look of doubt. “Tara, didn’t you say that you thought that marriage was only for ugly chicks and fat people?”
“You SHUT UP!” T-girl sneered at the peanut gallery and hugged Ron even tighter. “I’ll be the MAN, he’ll be the obedient slave and we’ll live happily ever after!”
“Ya know, getting hitched to a delusional weirdo is no cause for celebration.” The green demon smirked at Tara and snapped Ted in the face with her tail.
“You two are just jealous because me and Ron can get married and you two CAN’T!” Tara stuck her nose in the air and snorted in contempt.
“Sweetie, even if it WAS legal, why would I, a demon from HELL, want to willingly walk into a freakin’ church?!” Shego looked at Kim.
“Sheeeego…” Kim flashed the woman her puppy dog pout. “I wanna get married.”
“You gotta be FUKKIN’ kiddin’ me!?”
The front door suddenly flew open with a crash as Anne Possible bolted into the house.
“I have NEWSSSSS!” The older redhead dashed into the kitchen and greeted the startled onlookers with a grin forged of pure “creepiness”.
“Ronnie and I are getting married!” Tara squeezed the barely conscious Ron and laughed like a monkey.
“Who cares, my news is WAY bigger!” Anne balled her hands up in front of her face and visibly shook with anticipation.
“You finally broke down and bought that pirate costume we talked about?!” Ted snapped out of his stupor and smiled gleefully at the MILF.
“No sweetie, even BIGGER!” The Surgeon stood behind Shego and cleared her throat. “I traced the genealogy of you three and discovered something!”
“THREE of us?!” Shego cocked her head at the doctor and scowled. “What the HELL do I have to do with it?!”
“You all three have the SAME father!!” Anne nearly burst at the seams with the admission.
Reaching into her pocket, the older woman retrieved a feisty rodent and placed it on the table. Rude-fus brushed himself off and began firing lewd gestures around the room.
“Heeeerrreee’s DADDY!” The surgeon motioned to the pink creature and shot a big, wicked smile to the collected crowd.
“DUDE?!?!” Ron nearly fell out of his chair, as the statement hit him like a paternity suit.
“Well, that WOULD explain the abusive treatment he shows us.” The Ted-ster gawked at the little creep before returning his blood-shot eyes to Anne’s cleavage.
“That’s ridiculous!” Shego balled up her hands and growled at the beast. “Just because he’s been around since I was an imp doesn’t mean that…”
The demonic villainess paused and contemplated her own words for a moment, before exhaling and accepting the obvious.
“Gawd dammit!”
“Apparently, this little fellow has been busy as a beaver.” Mother Possible tickled the lil’ bastard, but quickly drew back her hand to avoid a nasty bite. “Your mothers are all different, but the D.N.A. tests conclusively show that HE is DEFINITELY the father.”
“Fan-fukkin-tastic, my Dad is a stinkin’ poop squirrel, lovely!” The She-devil crossed her arms in rage and slumped into her chair.
“Wait a DAMN minute!” Kim stood up and fixed an angry glare at her infernal girl friend. “You three are related?!”
“Yes, sweetie, that’s what I just said.” Anne put her hand on her chin and smirked at her baby girl. “You haven’t starting smoking the “pot” have you?”
“That means…” Kim ignored her mother’s sarcasm and continued her rant. “You’ve been having SEX with your younger brothers!!!”
“I guess so…” The Go-ster looked to her angry redhead and clicked her teeth. “It’s not a big deal where we come from.”
“It’s a pretty DAMN big deal up HERE!” Lil’ Possible marched over to the back door and opened it with force. “I want you three incestuous CREEPS outta my house, right NOW!”
“Honey, don’t you think you’re being a little hard on them?” The surgeons smirk dissolved and was replaced by concern. “They are hell spawn, after all.”
“I don’t care!” Possible turned red with rage and pointed at the monsters. “Every time I THINK I’m getting used to their disgusting behavior, they turn around and do something WORSE! It will only be a matter of time before they’re dropping acid and having sex with animals!”
“Well actually…” Ron spoke up, only to get elbowed in the gut.
“Shut up, DUDE!” Ted whispered to his now little brother.
“Princess, c’mon, they’re imps… not people!” Shego stood up and gently approached her lover, trying to placate her outrage. “You can’t be mad at me, I’ve got magic fingers!”
“Don’t touch me!” Kim turned her back on the woman and crossed her arms in disgust.
“What’s the big deal?” Ted swallowed a glass of bourbon in one swig and belched slightly. “We’ve had sex with your mom, your friends, your teachers… and even that grouchy chick who helped your with your calculus mid-term.”
“You had SEX with Justine!?!?” The redhead shook the disturbing image out of her head and maintained her aggressive stance. “I’m tired of this, why don’t all three of you go BACK to hell?”
“Pumpkin, so what if we’re bending the rules a little?” The devil put her hand on Kim’s shoulder and squeezed reassuringly. “What’s the worst thing that could happen?”
Almost in response to the statement, Stoppable’s stomach growled loud enough to be heard around the room.
“I don’t feel so good…” Ron turned pale and went limp.
“Oh no, my sheep is sick!” Tara nuzzled the ill imp and smiled slightly. “Now I’m gonna have to take you to a vet!”
“I wasn’t gonna say anything, but…” Ted narrowed his eyes and motioned to Ron’s gut. “Dude, you’re starting to get fat.”
“I am NOT!” Ronald lifted his shirt up and dropped his jaw at the sight of his distended abdomen. “Aw, MAN!”
“He’s been eating like a pig for as long as I’ve known him, why would he just start gaining weight now?” Shego frowned at the freckled fat boy.
“Tara made me eat that marble!” Ron looked at his cruel master and sulked.
“LIES!” Tara grabbed the boy in a headlock and gave him angry noogies.
“You EAT everything that’s not nailed down, Ron; try to learn a little self control!” Kim fired daggers at the swollen jerk.
“Yeah, you’re a disgrace to this family!” Ted shouted in between doing lines of soap powder and drinking Tequila.
“Wait a minute…” Shego suddenly made a disturbing connection. “Did you say, MARBLE??”
“It could have been a pet rock, but I’m not sure.” Ron felt another gut tremor and groaned in pain. “I feel bloated and icky!”
“You IDIOT, give that back to me, right NOW!” Shego leapt from her chair and stuck her hand down Stoppable’s throat. “Give… it… BACK!”
The Stopper choked and gagged under the green maniac’s oral assault. The chair he was sitting in tilted and fell over, sending both of them to the floor.
“Uh, Shego, it’s just a marble, you can buy those at Smarty Mart.” Kim looked at the intrusive wrestling match with a combination of revulsion and curiosity.
“It wasn’t just a MARBLE!” The angry demon removed her hand from the imp’s mouth and began throttling him violently. “Why do you always do stupid crap like this?”
“You always had a good, solid grip on ya, sis!” Ted leered at the floor fighting duo.
“Fuck you!” Jumping to her feet, the woman grabbed Ted and began slapping the snot out of him.
“Now I know it’s been a pretty interesting day, but all this violence isn’t really helping.” Anne Possible may have sounded like a diplomat, but her countenance spoke more of an evil Jerry Springer.
“Oh yeah, you wouldn’t be sayin’ that if YOU found out that one of your slaves was not only your younger brother, but PREGNANT with YOUR baby…” Shego clamped both hands over her own mouth as she realized what she had just said.
“Wha… what?!” Tara stared in disbelief at the woman.
The Ted-ster froze in shock, before sneezing a cloud of powder across the kitchen table.
Monique and Yori poked their heads through a recently punched hole in the pantry door and gasped at the admission.
“Girl, that’s fucked UP!”
“Fuzakennayo!”
A naked Bonnie Rockwaller lay in bed next to a board game and looked at the floor with stunned disbelief.
“What the hell did she just say?!”
Anne blinked twice in rapid succession and burst out laughing, nearly falling over with naughty mirth.
Shego slowly turned and looked at her cuddle buddy, a state of terrified apprehension plastered across her face.
Kim turned as white as a sheet and stared unblinking at Shego. “That’s… impossible.”
“Uh… I mean… well… it’s… uh…” The guilty devil girl stammered and began sweating like Pat Robertson at a gay pride parade.
“Well, it’s like you always say, KP, anything is possible for a Possible!” Ron looked down at the convulsing bulge in his gut and sighed. “Maybe I should start thinking of a name for the baby.”
“A POSSIBLE had nothing to do with this grotesque mess!” Kim sneered at Ron and then quickly turned a look of pure disappointment at Shego. “What the hell were you THINKING?!”
“It was BANDER’S idea, not mine!” Shego squared up to Possible and stood her ground. “He wanted me to take that stupid seed and get YOU pregnant, not this DUMBASS!”
“You mean…” Kim softened and looked up to the devil with a saddened pout. “I could’ve had our baby?”
Shego’s eyes opened wide and a look of utter confusion washed over her. “You say THAT… and you think that WE’RE messed up?!”
“My sheep is gonna have another girl’s babies?” Tara sniffed slightly and began weeping like a waterfall. “I wanted to get Ronnie pregnant!”
“I’m gonna be a grandmother?!?!” Anne ran up to Ron and began nuzzling the boy with all her strength. “My sweet little impy boy…”
“Mom, a baby from HIM will probably be deformed and stupid, just like Joey Buttafuoco!” Kim sneered with jealous venom at the Stopper.
“Hey Ron, once you have that kid, we can apply for government assistance and force Shego to pay child support so that we can finally buy that Dig Dug arcade unit we’ve been lookin’ at!” Ted leaned over the table and raised an eyebrow at his best friend/brother.
“Booyah!” Stoppable’s look of triumph turned to pain as his devil baby churned in his guts. “Bad baby, makin’ me wanna puke!”
“That makes TWO of us!” Monique recoiled in disgust and withdrew back into the pantry.
Yori wrapped her arms around the ebony domme’s waist and whispered into her ear. “We can use this infernal gestation as a means to achieve our goal.”
“You wanna have sex in here?” Monique fired a sly wink at the exchange villain.
“No, damned gaijin, I want to use this to split them up and give US the chance to replace them.” Yori twisted her beautiful mouth into a wicked smile and chuckled slightly.
“Ah, so you wanna team up and drive them apart, good thinkin’ girl!” The ebony sweet heart turned to face the asian babe and pressed her against the wall. “So how about that sex?”
Yori sighed in annoyance and began taking off her pants.
“So not only are we now one big happy family, but I’m gonna have Shego’s love child, badical!” Ron looked at everyone with a goofy grin. “I’m gonna name the baby Ron Jr. and teach him to juggle and play the banjo and…”
“It’s a baby, not a MONKEY; we seriously can’t let this retard raise a child!” Kim frowned at Ron with such force that her face could crack at any moment. “We need to raise OUR baby with love and care, right Shego?”
“You’re suddenly COOL with this?!” The green and black babe narrowed one eye at the college girl and smirked. “A minute ago you were tryin’ to toss me out.”
“Well, this pregnancy changes everything.” The redhead hugged her evil girlfriend and glowered at Stoppable. “We need to make sure OUR baby stays as far away from those two ANIMALS as possible!”
“Hey, I’m the daddy!” Ron looked around nervously and furrowed his brow. “I could also be the mommy, I think…”
“No, you’re a fucktard, get it right!” Shego grabbed a fly swatter and began poking the Ron-ster in the head. “Now shut up and gestate!”
“Bestiality, incestuous pregnancy and group orgies…” Ted leaned back in his chair and sighed. “There’s a lot of love in this house.”
Tara gritted her pointy, little teeth and raised an angry fist. ‘Curse you Kim and Shego, for ruining my chance at a happy marriage with Ron! I swear, I’ll have my revenge!’
“REVENGE!” The blond domme shouted the word out loud by accident, getting everyone’s attention.
“Uh, sweetie, you’re supposed to leave the room before you declare revenge on someone.” Shego smirked at the girl.
“The hell with you!” Tara bolted out of the house, leaving the assembled to look at one another in confusion.
“Ya know, this ain’t gonna be easy.” The dark haired demon looked down at her lover and smiled slightly.
“Nothing is easy around here anymore…” Kim shrugged and lightly squeezed her sweet heart.
The Brain Surgeon crinkled her nose in evil thought, as a new plan formed in her mega-maniacal brain. ‘My new grandchild will be a full-blooded demon! I can raise the little darling to help me take over the world! This is going to be SO much FUN!’
Bonnie Rockwaller walked into the kitchen wearing one of Kim’s bathrobes and her patrolman’s hat. Looking about with an annoyed glare, she addressed the family.
“Which ‘sitch you freaks wanna fill me in on first, the rodent sex or the knocked up dork?” The brunette scowled at Kim and crossed her arms impatiently.
“C’mere Bon-Bon, sit on my lap and I’ll fill you in!” Ted laughed like a mad pervert at the suggestion.
A loud crunch issued from Keening’s crotch as a leather boot collided with his testicles, sending him gasping to the linoleum.
“You always wear those to bed?” Shego smiled nervously at the cop.
“I need ‘em for traction.” The Bon-ster fired back.
“For what?” Ron glanced about with a look of stupidity on his mug.
“I told you to shut up and incubate!” Shego shoved a bag over his head and proceeded to drag him upstairs.
Betty Director pushed the wheelchair and it’s occupant across the parking lot to her mission van, whistling as she went.
“It was awful nice of Mrs. Possible to offer a hand in helping with your rehab, Joshie, she’s a good friend.” The demon hunter patted the boy on his head and smiled.
“Bleh, Mankey!” The deeply disturbed mental patient babbled in response and had a slight seizure. “Mankey Mankey… Bleh!”
“We’re really gonna have to work on your vocabulary, young man.” The one eyed woman dabbed at his drool and loaded him into the vehicle.
“Prince Albert… Bleh!” The blond-ish boy suddenly turned dark and fiendish for a moment. “Must kill dommes!”
“What was that?” The woman turned and stared at the fellow.
Josh quickly returned to… uh… normal? “Mankey… Bleh!”
“Remind me to increase your dosage when we get home.”
End Chapter Six