Rufus was still staring at him from the ceiling. His eyes were wider than his whole head usually was. “What?” Ron asked the animal.
(Same night)
Me… and… Shego…? Me… and… Shego…?
Now that Kim could actually think the whole thing, she couldn't stop. Images of the green vixen began popping up in her mind – scenes from fights, scenes from the bantering, her green-and-black suit - that looked so good on her, her in other clothes – that also looked so good on her… Her hair, her tiny butt, her breasts… Her breasts… That one time when they fought in the refrigerated box-car… Uh… Her breasts…
Uh. Her hands… yeah, her hands. Shego really had the most beautiful hands, the few times Kim had seen her with her gloves off. Kim liked hands. She was only now finding out just how much she liked hands. She wondered what those hands would feel like. What they'd feel like on her. What they'd feel like on her… own breasts. And on her… maybe… something like… this…
(ten minutes later)
“Kimmicub?” Her Mom poked her head in the door, “I wanted to ask…”
“Eeep!”
“ … you about the game tomorrow? Uhm… what time was it again?” Good save, Anne. Mrs. Possible thought, That was a close one. Remember to KNOCK next time! ‘Kimmicub’ is growing up, it seems.
“Well? What do you think?” Shego asked.
“… seven…” Drakken looked over at her from the bench-press. “Miss Lara Croft, I presume. Yes, from what I know of Kim Possible, I should think that would be an excellent choice. Uhm… turn around.” She did, letting her weight rest on just one leg, for maximum effect. “Yes. That should do nicely.”
He went back to his presses, “ … eight… (pant) …nine…”
“What rep you on?”
“ ‘Rep’? Oh. (pant)One.”
“Too much weight Dr. D. Here.” Shego walked around in back of the machine and cut the weight in half. “Okay, two more reps of ten.”
“This is too easy!”
“How long have you been working-out, Doc? You tell me that after you're done, and I'll think about believing you. Meanwhile, don't try to impress yourself – let alone me – with how much weight you can handle. It's the reps that count. Rule Number One.”
Shego sat on a free-weight bench and pulled her hair around in front of her, bunching it up and stroking it.
Dr. Drakken watched her. “I know what you're thinking, Shego. And I advise against it.”
That Dr. Drakken, the Incurable Goofball, would know what she was thinking caught Shego off-guard. This whole business of sharing a common goal with him… with him… was SO weird. In the past two days, she'd hardly threatened his life even once! And now he knew what she was thinking?
“What do you know about it? You men have no idea – NO IDEA – how much of a pain hair like this is! Washing, brushing, keeping the split-ends under control… it's a nightmare! Besides, I haven't changed it in years. I think it's time -”
“Two things, Shego. One: you don't want to shock the girl TOO much, right off the bat. Two: if you want to change it, ask her what she thinks. It gives you two something to talk about. Something personal, too. Actually, it's almost the perfect -”
“Doctor D! I can't believe it! You are SUCH the sneaky bastard! I'm… I'm actually impressed!”
Drakken went back to his reps. “Why, thank-you, Shego. Thank you for your admiration of my dating tactics, while completely ignoring the brilliance of my many nefarious inventions. Perhaps I should take my mother's advice and become a radio talk-show host after all. Bah!”
Shego actually giggled at him. They continued working out.
An hour later, while Shego cooled off on the elliptical, and Drakken was leaning face-forward on the wall, holding himself in the breeze of the fan, she said, “Ya know, Doc. You should take your own advice.”
He looked over at her uncomprehending. “I don't think I'd really care to discuss hair-styles with -”
“No no, Doc. Not hair.” She got off the machine and went to the water-cooler. “What I meant was… Look, I don't mind you using my gym and all – so long as you wipe your sweat up – but… you ever think of finding out where Ron works out? I mean, he must do it, right? Being a super-hero's sidekick and all. You should be asking him about it… maybe showing up at his gym. Getting all sweaty together… talking about your bodies, checking each other out. Y'know… Man and boy, working -”
“I WISH, Shego,” Drakken said in exasperation, “that you would stop referring to him as a ‘boy’. ”
“You're not thinking I should call him a ‘man', are ya?” she said with her trademark sarcasm, and smirking her trademark smirk.
“He's exactly the same age as your – as Miss. Possible. Should I refer to her as a ‘child’?”
Shego's trademark attitude and smirk disappeared in a flash. That hadn't occurred to her. Here she'd been getting sort of comfortable with the idea that Dr. Drakken was a “cradle-robber”… and she had been planning exactly the same thing! But… but she and Kim were only a handful of years apart. Stoppable and Drakken were at least FIVE TIMES farther! And yet, she and Drakken were both “adults”… was he so much more “adult” than she was? Or even ‘as much', in some ways?
She rubbed her temples. These were not complications she liked to deal with. Kim wasn't a “child”, surely. And… and besides, the attraction, at least according to what Drakken had told her about Ron's remark, was mutual. So… did it matter? This was SO… doy! She needed a hot shower to think about it. And another bottle of wine.
Small wonder Dr. D was so sensitive to her using the word ‘boy'! I sort of had a different connotation from ‘girl’. Shego could think of herself as a ‘girl', but who could ever – even slightly, under any circumstances – think of Drakken as a ‘boy’?
“Okay, Dr. D. I get your point. I hadn't thought of… of it like that” Shego admitted. Then, seeing him also rubbing his temples, she added, “I'm sorry. How about ‘guy’? Can we just call him a ‘guy’?”
Hearing Shego say “I'm sorry” got Drakken's attention. But he still avoided looking at her. “That'll be fine. And thank you for the idea, but I'd imagine he does his ‘working-out’ at the school gym, so that -”
“Okay, so ask him to recommend a gym, or a program… or just a place to run, then. And if he starts showing up there, instead of doing it at school, you'll know you're in-like-Flynn! Right?”
Drakken looked up, then over at her, in two independent motions. “Shego! That's absolutely brilliant! I'm giving you a five-percent raise!”
She assumed The Smirk again, “Great. I can get myself that new emery-board I've been looking at.”
“What's an ‘emery-board’?”
She chuckled as she made her way to the shower, “Never mind, Doc. And you're welcome.”
“Well, yes… I could stand to lose a few pounds, I spend so much time sitting around at the lab, you see, and -” Drakken was saying on the phone, before Ron cut him off.
“Doc. Uh… listen. Uhm…” Ron thought long and hard. How to say this? He was so surprised about the whole thing, that Drakken would be… like that… Not that he minded, so to speak… but…
“… it's just not my scene, Doc. Okay? The whole ‘locker-room’ thing, I mean. ‘Baths’ and stuff. So San Francisco. I… I'm not tryin’ to shoot you down, here, but -”
“I'm afraid I don't understand, Ron.” What was Ron trying to tell him? That he didn't utilize gymnasiums for his work-outs? What ‘locker-room’ thing? What ‘baths’? “I would have thought you were an expert in Physical Fitness. You certainly look the part - Ack!” Drakken had NOT meant to say that! “I mean - I mean - I mean…”
But Ron only smiled, “Calm down, Doc. Deeeeep breaths… There ya go. You gonna be okay now?”
Drakken rolled his eyes at the other end of the line. I am SUCH a… what do the kids – the younger generation, that is – say… DORK? Yes, I believe that's it. DORK! Might as well cut this fiasco off right now…
“I'll be fine… Ron. And… thanks for… well, sorry we…” DAMMIT!
Ron could sense the Doctor's frustration. It was… sweet. He took a deep breath himself. “Got anymore plans for taking over the world I should know about?”
Drakken sighed. So it was going to be back to that, was it? “No, Ron, not at this time.” He'd winced after he'd said Ron's name. It suddenly seemed like it was slightly too… familiar…
“Good. So, you wouldn't mind showing me around your lab for awhile, then?”
“Ack!…”
“Doc?”
“…”
“Doctor Drakken?”
“NO! NO, THAT WOULD BE FINE! THAT IS… uh, that is to say… yes… yes, I believe I can arrange that…”
“Pick me up at seven?” This was actually SO much easier than Ron had thought it would be. He had only to get used to being on the other end of the relationship from what he'd always assumed was his end.
“Seven?”
“O'clock, Doc. Seven o'clock. PM.”
“Oh! Yes, of course, seven o'clock. Post-Meridian. Yes.”
“Great! See ya then. Oh, and… could you just drive a car, please? I don't want to scare the neighbors.
“A car? A CAR! Yes, I'll bring a car. Right.”
Ron chuckled to himself. So this is how it felt! “Okay. Bye, Drak.”
“Goodbye, Ron.” Drakken hung up the phone after four attempts to find it's cradle without looking. “Drak”?
“He's WHAT!” Kim cried.
“Picking me up at seven. Gonna show me around his lab. He does come up with some cool -”
“You have a DATE with Dr. Drakken?” Kim squeezed all the filling out of her naco.
Rufus also chimed in, “'ate!”
“ ‘Date’? Well, no… c'mon, KP, it's not a -”
“He's picking up in his car?”
“Well, yeah, but -”
“Taking you to his lair?”
“That's where his lab -”
“To show you his work?”
“That's what I -”
“Ron… Ron” Kim sighed. “Okay, here's the clincher: do you expect him to feed you?”
“ ‘eed you?” Rufus repeated for effect.
Ron looked down at his little pink buddy. “Who feeds you, Rufus?”
Rufus crossed his tiny arms over his chest and frowned.
Ron turned back to Kim, “Well, yeah, I guess. Hadn't really thought about it…”
“It's a DATE, Ron! You have a DATE with Dr. Drakken!”
“ ‘octor ‘akken!” It's hard to make consonant sounds when your front teeth are as long as your whole head.
The boy thought about it. Well, maybe it was a “date”. So what? None of her business, anyway. He munched down on his Grande Deluxe Nacherito while he thought about it.
Kim, on the other hand, had lost her appetite. He looked at him a little sorrowfully.
“Look, Ron. I know I haven't… haven't been much of a ‘girlfriend’. It's just… I have all these things to do, y'know? I just never have time, uh, for… uhm… Ya wanna go watch a movie? ‘Kung-Pow: Enter the Fist’ is playing… Ya wanna go?”
Ron looked up from his food at her, “KP… what are you doing?”
“I'm asking you on a date, Ron. C'mon. You'd rather go with me than… than a man old enough to be your father, wouldn't you?”
“'fadder!” Rufus emphasized. Ron looked down at the rat with narrowed eyes, and Rufus cowered, covering his head with his front paws like a dog.
Kim Possible was asking him for a date. After fourteen years. And only because he already had a “date” with Dr. Drakken. This was a fine kettle of tortilla chips! Besides, Kim was…
“You think about what I said about Shego any more?” he asked to see her reaction. Kim turned beet-red and looked away. Answers that question, he thought.
“I don't know what you're talking about.” It such the Flimsy Excuse, but it was all she had.
“Yeah. Okay” he said, actually feeling a little sorry for her, “Sorry. No, I have a ‘date’ with Drakken. Maybe some other time.”
Without looking back at him, she said, “I can do better. As a girlfriend, I mean. We could -”
“Look, KP… Kim. I don't think you want me for a boyfriend. Maybe you don't want a boyfriend at all, I don't know. But… I feel weird saying this… can't we just be friends? Buddies? Like we were in grade-school?”
In all her life, it had never occurred to Kim that Ron might reject an advance from her. They were on new, unfamiliar ground, now. Or at least, she was. She took a deep breath, held it, and then let it out – a maximally heavy sigh.
“So… uh… you mean it? Are you… are you… y'know…”
He did know, but waited for her to say it anyway.
“… uh… you like… I mean… so…”
Oh for cryin’ out loud, Ron thought “ ‘Are you gay.’ Come on KP… Say it, already!”
“Well, are you?”
“You really can't say it?” he asked.
She pretended to look at her food.
“Fine. I always knew you were kind of a prude, but geez, you really are straight out of Disney, aren'tcha?” He paused, “Maybe. Okay? I dunno. But at least I'm willing to… try things.” It was his turn for a Max Sigh, “Alright, Kim. Probably. All I know is that I think he's cool, in some strange way, and I liked talking with him, and yes, I think he's cute. It's not just the ponytail, either. Gawd, that suit he was wearing was -”
“How could you not know?” Kim asked, honestly not understanding.
He looked at her and actually felt pity. He choked back the smart-ass reply he had ready to fire at her - something to make her as uncomfortable as she was making him -and said, “Nevermind. Look, I have a date in three hours. A DATE!” He looked at Rufus, “You got anything to say, little buddy?” The naked mole rat shrugged. “Anyway, I gotta get some stuff ready, figure out what I'm gonna wear… and I'm thinking I should pobably take some emergency-groceries. I bet he doesn't even know what ‘chutney’ is. So I gotta go. You gonna be okay?”
“I'll be okay, Ron.” She looked back up at him, finally accepting the situation. “So, what are you going to wear?”
He hadn't actually thought about it, only having just now realized that he was, in fact, going on a “date”.
“Oh, well… a clean version of what I'm wearing now? You… you think I need to dress up?”
Kim rolled her eyes and started scooting out from the booth, “Okay, c'mon, ‘buddy’. I can see I've got work to do here.”
Kim Possible was going to help Ron Stoppable prepare for a date with Dr. Drakken. What kind of Alternate Universe was this?
“You serious?”
“No offense, Ron, but you need help in this department. I'm no Monique, but I think I can fix you up for this.”
“KP, you're way cooler than I thought!”
“Thanks. Buddy.”
“ ‘uddy!” Even Rufus agreed.
“Oh, whew! What IS that stuff?” Kim asked. She was going through his closet and drawers, laying out possible articles of clothing, while he'd showered.
“Old Spice. Like it?”
“You only put it on your face, right?”
“Well, yeah…”
“Good. Go wash your face. With soap. I'll see if I can find something less… revolting.”
He did, and she did.
“But that's women's stuff!” Ron complained.
“It's musk, Ron. It doesn't matter. Now, you put it on like this” she demonstrated on herself, “not by the bottle-full. Got it?”
“I think I can figure it out now, KP.” He was getting a little tired of being told how to behave in the bathroom.
“Right. Now for the clothes. Oh, and those boxers have got to go!”
“But -”
“GOT to GO, Ron! Trust me on this. They're not gonna work under what you'll be wearing.”
“And the reason is?” he asked suspiciously.
“Too tight. The legs will bunch up and show under your jeans. Are you going to trust me on these things or what? ‘Cause I can just go -”
“Okay okay, Kim. This is just kinna weird for me, is all. It's like being dressed by my Mom.”
“Oh! You take that back RIGHT NOW, Ron Stoppable!” Kim cried.
Sounds a little like her too… he thought. “Okay, I take it back. So, what will I be wearing, then?”
Kim stopped glaring at him and looked out the window. This was going to be the hard part.
“Well, I've been thinking about it… uh… Ron? Is part of the attraction that he is older?” she asked cautiously, hoping she wouldn't say something wrong.
Ron seem non-plussed as he answered, “Yeah. Yeah, I think so. Why?”
“So… you think maybe part of his attraction to you is that you're… younger?” SO the Dangerous Ground!
“I'd imagine, yeah…” Ron was still unconcerned about the implications. I don't get it, Kim thought, How can he just be so… casual… about it?
“Okaaaay… so I think we need to – uh… Wait a minute. Ron, I have to ask: doesn't that bother you at all? That he's attracted to you because you're so much younger? Don't you think there's something wrong with that? I'm sorry to be like this… but I'm getting creeped out here.”
Ron sat on the bed in his boxers and bathrobe, leaning back against the headboard. “Y'know what? It did, at first. Yeah. You're thinking he's a pedophile, right? ‘Lover of Children', from the Greek. I looked it up. But I don't think I'm a ‘child', Kim. Do you think you're a ‘child’? A ‘kid’? And if it weren't for the talking we did, in the Egyptian Gallery, on the phone… Kim, I get the feeling he likes me, too. I don't know why. He probably doesn't understand why I'd like him, either. And as for the attraction, well… I can live with that. In fact, I don't really care why he thinks I'm cute – as long as he does. So no, I don't think there's anything ‘wrong’ with that. Now, if he were hitting on a 14-year-old, then yeah. But me? No. And I know it's creepy. That actually makes it kinna fun!”
Kim watched him closely, trying to gauge whether he was pulling her leg or not. He seemed sincere… his argument was rational… and no, she did not think of herself as a ‘kid’.
But she did think of Ron as one. I can't help it! Maybe I'm wrong… and I DO mean “maybe”, but I can't help it! He's just so… adorable, like a kid! The thought that Ron was “adorable”, however brought up that other question in her mind: So… if I think he's “adorable”, how come I never… did anything… about it… This is making my head hurt.
“Yeah. Well, okay, Ron. Uhm… what I was going to say was that we… I mean you, need to capitalize on that. Make the most of it. Wear ‘young’ stuff.”
“Short-pants and a sailor shirt?” Ron looked at her slyly.
“Without being a perv. Now, Dr. Drakken KNOWS you liked his suit – you said so at dinner that time. Several times. But I can only guess at what HE likes, and I'm guessing… well…” She didn't really know if there was even a word for it.
“Twink.”
“Excuse me?”
Ron chuckled. “Twink. Google for it. Wonderful thing, the Internet. So much to learn!” Now he laughed out loud.
Kim tried to ignore what she didn't understand, “So, I think these jeans, and maybe just a white tee…”
“… and a utility belt, maybe a hard-hat?” Ron offered.
“Huh?”
Chuckling yet again, he said, “You're going for Construction Worker… Kim, I think you might be a little out of your element here.” He got up and picked a different, not-so-faded pair of black jeans, and a black tee-shirt. Then he found a red-and-black striped dress shirt and put it on top of the ensemble.
“Well?”
Actually, it was rather… elegant. Simple, yet refined. It worked.
“I'm impressed. I really am. I never knew you… well, I guess there was a lot I never knew.” Don't think about it, Kim, she thought. “Anyway, what about shoes?”
“What about shoes?”
“Men. You never even notice shoes! Gawd! You aren't going to wear your usual basket-ball sneakers, are -”
While she was talking, he picked a Sunday-new pair of dark-brown deck-shoes from the top of his closet.
“… you… Touche', Ron. You didn't need my help at all, did you…”
“It was fun, KP. I'm sorry.”
She smiled, actually forgetting the “creepiness”, her discomfort, her sorrow for having ignored him for so many years. It had been fun.
“You are such the tease! Drakken is gonna be in so much trouble!” she laughed.