Kim Possible, Shego, Ron Stoppable – with Rufus the naked mole rat on his shoulder – Robin, Starfire, Raven, Beast Boy, Hermes, Fry, Amy, Leela, Professor Farnsworth, and Bender the lovable rascal of a robot were walking down the street, away from the Head Museum.
“Y'know, I thought the Head Museum was gonna be, like, slasher movie freaky-scary, but it was actually pretty damn cool!” said Ron as they trotted along. Rufus nodded rapidly to this assessment, chittering the equivalent of “Yeah, damn cool, yeah!”
“Yeah!” Fry added. “It was the first place I ever got to meet and talk to a live supermodel!”
“The first and only place…” Bender reminded him, taking a drag on the cigar he was smoking.
“I think seeing Slade's head stuck in a jar was more than good enough for me,” said Kim.
Shego grinned. That was exactly the same way she felt. “Can't agree with you more…”
“So what do you guys wanna do now?” Leela asked.
“Ooh!” said Starfire. “Might we participate in some of the “Clubbing”?”
“Uh…” was all Leela could reply, not knowing exactly what Starfire had just said.
“You wanna kill baby Harper Seals? Ok, but all the places seriously overcharge!” Bender exclaimed.
Raven’s voice was dry as all hell. “She means she wants to hit a nightclub.”
“Oh, so that's how Shakespeare said it!” Fry said.
“Um - yeah…”answered Beast Boy.
Shego scoffed at Fry’s remark. “Yeah, I doubt Shakespeare ever went club-”
She never finished, though, because Kim slapped her hand over her mouth. “Be nice, Sheegee. He's a man.”
After Kim put her hand down, Shego went on. “Yeah, well, even for a man, he's got the brain of a Styrofoam peanut…”
“It's not Styrofoam!” Fry shot back.
Robin ignored them. “Maybe we should check in with Cyborg & Wade first - see if they've figured out how to work that viewscreen yet…”
Ron scoffed. “Robin, man - you are too focused on your work, brother! Relax! Let's just chill, take in a little nightlife, and we can check in on Cyborg and Wade when we get back from our tour of the future!”
“Yeah! Listen to him, Bird boy!” Bender said as he took another drag on his cigar. “Besides, I gotta run up more on my tab tonight!”
Leela was in the lead as they turned a corner--
“Did someone say, ‘Let's take in a little nightlife?’”
“AAHH!” cried Leela, jumping back.
Zapp Brannigan – his First Lieutenant Kif Kroker standing behind him – advanced towards Leela, grinning with all his false machismo. “Cause I've got all the nightlife I wanna see right here in front of me…”
“Ugh…” Kif sighed.
“Hey, who's this jerk?” Shego asked, thumbing at Zapp.
Leela looked back at the women with them, then glared victoriously at Zapp. “Sorry, Zapp - but it looks like you're outnumbered tonight by women who can officially kick your egotistical ass.”
Then Amy saw Kif. “Kif? KIF!” She raced to her alien lover, and they embraced, kissing.
“I tried to sneak out after your call-” Kif told her after they’d finished kissing “-but he’d tapped the phone lines and was waiting for me in the escape pod…” he clarified, glaring at Zapp.
“Hold the phone, Kif-” Zapp blurted, though he was not even looking in Kif’s direction or had been paying attention to what Kif had been saying. He pointed at Starfire. “Do you know what this girl is?”
Kif groaned in annoyance. “How should I know, Sir?”
“You should know, Kif. This is a Tameranean - the ancient alien race whose women were most infamous for being simultaneously the deadliest - yet also the sexiest - love slaves in the entire galaxy.”
Starfire started. “What did you just say?”
Kif pointed. “She also appears to be underage, Sir.”
“Damn. Once again with the ‘underage.’” But Zapp didn’t give up. He moved straight on to Raven. “Well then, what about this fine-“
“Azarath, Metrion, ZINTHOS!” Raven shouted – and a blast of dark energy hurled Zapp down the street, up the stairs and back into the Head Museum, smashed him through the building's roof - and slammed him back down onto the concrete in exactly the same place he’d been standing before. Raven went into her angry, towering form, moving towards the fallen Zapp. “Don't you even think about touching me!” she bellowed.
Zapp scrambled to back away from her, frightened beyond all hell. “Okay!” he shrieked. “I'll leave you alone! I PROMISE!”
Leela was stunned at his words. Zapp Brannigan, giving up on a woman? Meanwhile, Raven calmed herself down, reverting back to normal.
And Zapp quickly regained his ego as well – and he moved on to Shego. “Then what about you, Miss-”
But Kim dove in front of him and Shego. She wrapped her arm around Shego's waist. “Sorry - Zapp - but she's taken.” She smiled up at Shego. Shego smiled back. Kim laid her head on Shego's shoulder and started playing with the pale-skinned woman's smooth jet-black hair.
A collective gasp rose from Hermes, Leela, Amy, Zapp, Kif, Professor Farnsworth, Fry, & Bender. “You mean you two are-” Zapp began.
Shego nodded. She and Kim smiled at each other again.
Everyone who just gasped gasped again.
“Whoah! Real live lesbians!” Fry awed.
“They aren't lesbians!” Bender protested. “Lesbians are fat, they got short hair that they sometimes bleach, they host opinionated talk shows-”
Kim and Shego proceeded to make out – and did so quite passionately. Everyone who had gasped again last time gasped some more.
“My god! That controversial study by the Franken University scientists in 2904 was correct all along! The O'Reilly Factors ARE a bunch of big fat lies!” Professor Farnsworth exclaimed.
All Bender could do was stare, stunned. “The 3 Laws have been a-broken…”
Zapp cleared his throat – then returned to Leela. “Well, Leela, I believe that leaves one woman free for me tonight – you…”
“I've changed my mind.” Leela turned back to the others. “Let's go back, guys.”
Kim nodded. “Yeah, let's leave this creep & go check on Cyborg.” She grinned slyly at Shego. “'sides, Sheegee & I have something we had to put on hold before all this happened that we wanna get back to…” Shego grinned devishly, knowing exactly what Kim meant.
Everyone else - save Zapp, of course - nodded in agreement.
Zapp brushed some dirt off his velour uniform. “Soo, we're going back to your place, Le-”
Raven swirled around and glared at him. “You follow us, you die. It's simple.”
“Alright! Alright!” Zapp backed away, bowing his head in fear.
“Yeah - and dude?” asked Beast Boy. “I hope that's a kilt, because if it's not and that's your uniform - then that's really gay.”
“Kif can come back, right?” Amy asked.
Raven shrugged. “Fine with me.”
“So alright!” said Ron. “Let's get back, then-” Somebody wearing a dull yellow bumped into him hard as they ran past. “Hey! Watch where you're goin', jackass!” Ron shouted at them – Rufus popping out to shake a paw & chitter the equivalent of “Yeah, watch it, jackass!”
Shego did a double take at the figure running away. “Waitaminute! That wasn't just any jackass, Ron-”
“-That was Warp!” Robin finished, squinting down the road.
“AFTER HIM!” Ron yelled, pointing. They all immediately took off and raced after the figure – Bender throwing Professor Farnsworth over his shoulder like a rag doll again as he ran off with the lot of them.
Mid-stride, Beast Boy turned into a cheetah, immediately launching to the front of the pack.
Fry was already huffing and panting. “Man, I can barely keep up with them! They must be superheroes or something!” Bender immediately gave him the “You're an idiot, you know that?” look.
The figure turned a corner. “THAT WAY! C'MON!” Robin yelled. But when they turned the corner - the person was gone. “Dammit!” Robin cried. He looked at the others. “Split up and search while we head back to the Planet Express building!”
All the Planet Express crew, along with Robin, arrived at the door of the Planet Express Building. Beast came in as a hawk, changing back to human as he landed. “Nothing,” he reported.
Raven and Starfire soon landed – the both of them shaking their heads, too.
Then Kim, Shego, and Ron came out of the alleyway behind the building - dragging the unconscious Dr. Zoidberg with them. “Found him knocked out in the alleyway,” Kim reported.
Suddenly, Leela screamed and dashed inside the building. The others, alerted, quickly followed.They found her in the Lounge room, down on her knees, crying her eye out. She was cradling her pet, Nibbler, who was lying by his food bowl – with his neck snapped. “Oh, jeez – Rufus, look away.” Ron shielded the naked mole rat’s eyes from the scene.
“Nibbler…how'd they even do this?” Leela bawled. Fry knelt down to comfort her – surprisingly, just putting his hand on her shoulder, and not making some stupid remark in an attempt to make her feel better but instead making her feel worse, as he’d done so many times in the past.
“That’s a very good question,” said Hermes, scratching his head.
“Yeah – how’d they’d get so close to do that? Wouldn’t Nibbler have eaten them first?” asked Amy.
“YES!” Leela bawled, cradling Nibbler tighter against her.
Ron glanced at the couch – and gasped. The urgency of the gasp took everyone’s mind off Nibbler’s death for a moment. Ron frantically pointed at the Lounge Room couch – on which no one was lying.
“Drakken & Brother Blood - THEY'RE GONE!”
END ACT ONE