“Hush, puppies,” Tara told the dogs after she and Drakken finished laughing. The dogs immediately stopped growling
“Allow me to reiterate for those who missed it the last time around:” Drakken went on. “Meet Kara and Fang. The breed of Commodore Puddles – you do remember Commodore Puddles, don’t you?”
“Let’s see – pink poodle, grew giant. How could I forget?” Shego asked.
“Very good, Shego! However, Tara has done such an excellent job on Puddles’ offspring here – they’re excellently trained to keep their victims alive for the longest amount of time possible while they feast on them. It provides an exquisite torture – quite wonderful to watch, as your family and friends found out.”
“Killer poodles. How typical of you,” Shego said.
“So spill, Drakken,” Kim spat acidly. “You know you love to boast. Tell us how you did it.”
“Hmm…well, if you insist, I guess I can’t refuse, can I? Okay, here goes: While in jail for the Lil’ Diablo incident, as you can obviously tell, I grew a lot colder. I really don’t why, it was just something about the fact that MY GREATEST PLAN – er, second greatest plan, now – CAME SO CLOSE TO SUCCEEDING – only to have everything once again all wiped away by you and Stoppable.”
“Hey, he remembered my name!” Ron exclaimed.
“Yeah, Ron? I don’t really think any of us care about that at this point,” said Shego.
Ron hung his head. “Well, I do…”
“Anyways…” Drakken continued. “Because of the apparent scale of my Diablo plan, they turned me over to a Global Justice maximum security confinement facility while we awaited our trial. Oh, you never heard about that, though, did you?” he asked with a snarl curling around his lips at Kim’s half-surprised reaction. “If I recall, the news just said I was transferred to a higher security prison. You see, Kim – in some respects, what I did to you wasn’t quite unlike what I had happen to me, in a sense…”
“Just get on with it…” Kim growled, matching his snarl easily.
“Fine, if you must. Such a hurry… After being transferred to the GJ facility, I was extremely insulted. Supposedly what I’d done was worse than any of the other take-over-the-world plans I’d drawn up before that, and designated that I be moved to the GJ facility. Shego, on the other hand, was deemed an “accomplice,” even though she being the one who had actually tried to kill you in the incident – so she got to stay cozy. I had no reason to be in GJ prison. They just knew I couldn’t break out on my own.”
He sat down in the chair behind him. “But while I was at the GJ prison, I met Betty. A relationship was quickly struck up – not a romantic relationship, mind you – this was strictly a platonic one…” He grinned. “With Betty’s help, Shego and I got that mistrial ruling that set us free. Also forged me connections with the Army, which is how I was able to outfit a squad of my henchmen with everything to pass them off as the Middleton National Guard. Though, I’ll let you know, they were purposely told Sergeants took the reigns of the entire company, and that Sergeant was a rank one saluted to and called “Sir.” Oh, yes, Kim. It was a lure from the very beginning… Moving along, the night Shego and I got out on that mistrial, I learned from Betty that GJ was investigating Dementor’s improvements upon the Hesphaestus Project. The very next day, Shego presented me with the very opportunity I needed to get rid of her, you – and achieve my goals of taking over the world – all in one fell swoop of a highly complicated plot!”
“Huh?” asked Shego. “What did I do?”
“For one, you got to stay behind at the normal prison whilst I rotted in the GJ prison…”
“Hey, you weren’t exactly complaining once we got off scott-free, ya know!”
“I know, Shego. You were too busy bitching about your woes for me to say anything. But! – It was in those woes you spat forth like a conveyor belt that I saw my opportunity to ruin you for history.”
“And what exactly did you see?” Shego hissed.
“For one, you snapped almost every time I mentioned Kim’s name. Then you flat-out confessed to me that you were jealous of the fact that your archenemy was now dating her sidekick!”
“Huh?” Kim looked at Shego.
“You should have seen her, Kim…” Drakken proceeded with a quite terrifyingly accurate mocking of Shego: “‘Okay, buster - you wanna know why I’ve been more on edge than usual? Well, it’s because 1) You told me NOTHING about the plan until the last possible second; 2) I’ve been in jail for half a year; 3) – and this one you should know a LOT about already – I – LOST - TO KIM - POSSIBLE – AGAIN!” AND NOW SHE AND THAT BUFFOON - ARE DATING! HOW’S THAT FOR EXPRESSING ONE’S EMOTIONS?’” As Drakken laughed uproariously at his impersonation, Kim glanced at Shego and raised an eyebrow. Shego caught the glance at her out of the corner of her eye and returned it with a sheepish grin - which quickly faded back into the steely-eyed glare Shego was known better for.
“Since, Shego… Since you were just soooo jealous of the two lovebirds, when you then complained about how you would’ve done a better job at tricking Kim in the Diablo plan than the Eric synthodrone she fell in love with, you handed to me just the final piece I needed to glue my new plan all together: De-age you; Use the Memory Modifier I made out of the brain tap machine - which Betty so kindly had a hand in returning to me, since it was supposed to have been destroyed after the trial – to wipe everyone’s minds of your existence after the mistrial ruling and plant the half-false past of Shennen into the minds of those who needed to have it in theirs. Send you off undercover as Shennen to live with Kim – where, after I framed you for Dementor’s murder, you’d be forced to suppress your jealousy and suffer those two lovebirds getting cozy all around you. Get Motor Ed to steal the cars from the Motor Show. Steal the 2nd Hesphaestus Project from Dementor. Kill him, his henchmen, and his mutated wiener dogs. Use my GJ connections to frame Kim and you – also forcing you to stay undercover less you wanted to reveal yourself as Shego and go back to prison - which you explicitly made clear to me you did not want to do; and getting Kim to turn herself in, so not to tarnish her precious image as a hero… Killed that Bonnie bitch in front of the whole high school to send the message to you about just what a delicate position you happened to be in. Then, I just sat back and waited for the right time to present itself! I half expected you to escape from prison, Kim – I just didn’t know you’d try it so soon… But when you made your own case worse by not only breaking out, but stealing a car and the private jet of an associate who gave you rides to your missions-”
Kim’s eyes flew from glare to shock. “I did steal that car…oh, Jesus…”
“Yes, you did steal that car, Kim…As I was saying, when you made your case worse by doing that, I saw the opportunity. With the help of these fine trained animals-” he motioned to Kara and Fang, “I was able to eliminate Betty after learning she’d failed to suppress her top agent from squealing to you. Then, with you gone, it gave me the time to set up more frames on you – for the death of the police K-9’s from the prison, and of Betty and that top agent of hers. All that looks very suspicious when no one’s around to defend against charges like that because they’ve fled the country. Very suspicious, indeed… Then, when you came back, it gave me the opportunity to use my false National Guard to ease the fears of Middleton Citizens for a while, while I lured you up here to Iceland. I just had to pick Iceland – Shego just loves it here – don’t you, Shego?” Without waiting for a response, Drakken went on. “Once I had all of you up here, I at last seized the opportunity, and now I’ve launched the New Diablo plan!”
Kim looked over, surprised to see Ron wasn’t there next to her. Hearing something, she looked down. Ron was asleep on the ground, snoring. Quickly, she kicked him in the gut. “Ron!”
“Ow! Hey – Oh. Sorry Kim – I guess the monologue bored me to sleep…” He yawned. “Is he finished?”
“No, actually,” said Kim. “He forget to mention using the Memory Modifier to twist Tara to his side-”
“Oh, no – Kimmie… He didn’t use the Memory Modifier on me at all… No…” Tara cooed menacingly. “Shall I expound? Or have you heard enough of people monologuing to you for one day?”
“You’ve got all the time in the world…” Kim snarled, her face returning to the glare she’d had earlier.
“Oh, goodie!” the blonde squealed happily. “Though, I’ll try to keep it short. You see, I was the one who paved the way for this to happen. Before you got accepted onto the squad, I was second place on it, behind Bonnie. And that was cool. I was just fine with being in second place. But then you came onto the squad. Oh sure, I clapped and praised like everyone else, but I figured that audition of yours was just a one-time fluke. Then you got voted Captain of the squad. I acted like it was no big deal. I thought Bonnie would go back to being Captain after about a week, and that I would climb back up to second place, where I had a much better chance of being voted Captain. But noooo, that week dragged on. It became a month. Six months. I grew more and more tired of being third all the time, behind you and Bonnie. I started to desire more. I wanted not to be second, but to be Captain – and badly…”
“Whoah whoah…You teamed up with Drakken because of a Cheer Squad position?” Ron asked.
“Yes, Ron,” said Tara bluntly. “But I never spoke up about my desires out loud, because I was supposed to be the shy, timid one. Yeah, I had a crush on Ron – but then he ignored me and went for Zita instead – and then you had to go and steal him after that, Kim!” she suddenly yelled, now furious.
“Y-you were dating Josh Mankey by that time!” Kim protested.
“After you took him first!” Tara snapped. “And you even had Brick before Bonnie took him!”
“Uh…” Kim could not think of a response to that.
“O-kay…Something in Tara’s gone loopsies!” Ron whispered.
“So there I was, about a year ago, sulking about still being third – when I saw an ad for someone who wanted an animal trainer for his two poodles. I figured since I had a poodle myself, I could do it.” She walked over to Drakken and shook his cheek, beaming. “And the man who answered had just the cutest blue face I’d ever seen!” Drakken smiled triumphantly at this remark. “Not to mention that sexy scar!”
“I don’t like where this is heading…” Ron stammered.
“What - you mean this?” Tara turned to Drakken – and shared a passionate kiss with the madman.
“Oh god! OH GOD!” Ron turned away, slamming his palm against his head repeatedly. “BAD MENTAL IMAGE! BAD MENTAL IMAGE! OUT! OUT! OUT! AUUUGH! IT BURNS ME SO!”
Kim shuddered. “Y’know, for some reason, I’m imagining Bonnie in place of Tara – and it actually seems less nasty that way… and no, I don’t know why that is, so don’t anyone think of asking me…”
“Turned out he wanted to train his poodle puppies the way they are now – and he wanted me to do it without the knowledge of his cohort in crime. I can only assume he meant you, Shego,” Tara continued.
“Huhwhat?” Shego asked, looking up. “I’m sorry, I was just thinking of the many thousand different ways I could use to maim you horribly once you shut up and we actually get this thing started…”
Tara frowned. “Anyways, I did just that – trained my precious babies here to be the most vicious cutest dogs the world had ever seen – and as Drakkie can attest, I achieved that goal with flying colours!”
Shego raised an eyebrow. “Drak…kie?”
“And all the while, I acted the shy, timid Tara at school. The one who was always third. All while I planned my own revenge… Then I got it. After her comments in the cafeteria after that day, I came to Barkin’s class early and told him a few things Bonnie had allegedly “said” about him – some which were true, some which were partially false, and some that were outright lies altogether. Oh, the look on his face when she walked in the room…oh, damn, you had to be there!” Tara laughed. “Priceless. He suspended her, which pissed off her family, so she ran from her home - and Drakkie picked her up… And now, by getting rid of you, Kim – and Shego –I’ll not only get to decide who the new cheerleader on the squad will be, I’ll make sure I stay on top – and I’ll cement myself as the most dangerous woman in the world. Drakkie and I have a real humdinger of a wedding and honeymoon planned after all this!”
Drakken smiled. “Quite.”
“Ok, Tara? Methinks you’ve watched one too many of those horror movies…”
“Oh, shut up, Ron - or I’ll just ask Drakken to plug you.”
“Plug me?”
“Yes.” Drakken took out the gun. “With lead.”
“You had a gun the whole time, but you never thought about using it?” asked Kim.
“Oh, I thought about it,” Drakken snickered. “But come now – would it really be any fun if I just shot you from the start? That’s what I love about this – well, it’s not a job, but - you get my drift! It’s just so much more terrifying when you don’t know what the villain will try when – so much more fun for me and Tara-cheeks when you don’t know for sure when we’re just suddenly gonna snap on you and go full psychotic melee on your ass… One doesn’t try to ruin another’s life by killing them automatically – no…they torture. They try to drive the other insane. But some people… are just too damned stubborn.”
“Mrs. Possible? Mr. Possible? Tweebs? GET EVERYBODY ELSE THE HELL OUT OF HERE!” Shego yelled, sensing the tension about to break. On instinct, the mentioned nodded and promptly sheperded the Stoppables and Monique out of the room and away from the approaching melee.
“What?” Drakken screamed. “Oh, do not tell me I left that door open again! Goddammit!”
Tara snapped her fingers. The dogs instantly began growling again.
“I got Drakken,” Shego glared.
“I’ll take the puppies,” said Kim.
“And I got our new Psychobitch blonde friend,” finished Ron.
“Bring it on, Stoppable!” Tara assumed a fighting stance as her pets slowly advanced towards Kim.
END CHAPTER EIGHTEEN