“And that,” said Mr. Barken, “Is why Buenos Naco was the only survivor of the Great Franchise Wars in the beginning part of the Twenty-first century.”.
A loud chime sounded through the classroom. The students, eager to get out of the last class before the weekend, looked expectantly at Mr. Barken.
“Class Dismissed.” he announced.
Kim and Ron walked to the bus stop together. “I don’t see why we had to wait through most of the week before we could see him.” complained Kim.
“Dude, you do not barge in to see Wade.” said Ron. “The Wade is one of the great gurus of persocom technology. Just be glad my description of a fighting persocom interested him so much that he fit us into his busy schedule.”
“I’d be happier if you volunteered to be Shego’s partner yesterday at the Dojo.” said Kim, rubbing a spot on her back that was still sore. “I swear, that robot ENJOYS fighting me.”
“Hey, you were doing pretty well yourself.” said Ron. “I saw you manage to knock her down with that Monkey-tail sweep kick.”
“Yeah, the first time.” said Kim. “Second time, she jumps over my leg like… like a monkey, and the third time she grabs my leg and pulls it out so I go sprawling. Guess which time Sensei is watching? Three is NOT my lucky number.”
“Aw, cheer up.” said Ron. ‘We’ll pick up Shego, head over to Wade’s, and all your questions will be answered.”
“Hi, Ms. Porter.” Kim called, as she walked to her apartment.
“Hi, Kim… you and your persocom getting along well?” asked Dr. Porter.
Kim nodded and opened the door.
“Is it just me, or is she hanging around a lot more?” asked Ron.
Kim shrugged. “I haven’t really noticed… do you have a problem with her?”
“Of course not!” said Ron. “She’s hot.”
Kim rolled her eyes. “Ron, you think any woman who can stand upright and look half-way decent in a bathing suit is hot.”
“True.” admitted Ron, “But she’s hot.”
Kim found Shego, not surprisingly, on the patio area of the apartment. The girl seemed to enjoy laying in the sun. It had startled Kim the first time she had come home and found Shego sunning herself… the persocom, apparently wanting to maximize surface area, had taken off her shirt and had been laying down, nude except for her collar. Fortunately, she had been laying face down. Kim had told Shego not to go outside with her breasts and bottom exposed. The next day, Ms. Porter had dropped off a green and black bikini she said she had found. Kim decided not to ask any questions, and just assumed someone had complained. Shego was wearing the bikini now, totally relaxed.
“Hey, Shego.” said Kim.
“Kimmy!” said Shego, sitting up. The persocom’s understanding of English had expanded surprisingly fast, thanks in part to Kim having Shego watch ‘educational programs’ on TV. Unfortunately, somewhere Shego had picked up the idea that ‘Kimmy’ meant ‘Kim’.
“Just Kim.” said Kim. “Shego, you need to change… we’re going out to meet with a friend of Ron’s. Put on the outfit I bought for you.”
Shego nodded and went to a drawer, opening it. She pulled out the green shirt, black skirt, and a clean set of underwear. She then began to unfasten her bikini top.
Kim eeped. “No no no, Shego… you don’t change in front of a boy. Change in the bathroom.”
“Aw… spoil sport.” complained Ron, as Shego obediently went into the bathroom to change.
Kim frowned at Ron. “You’re really perverted. You know that, right? First of all, she looks like jailbait. Second, she’s a machine.”
“Yeah, but a very HOT machine.” said Ron. He held up his hands. “Kidding, kidding… On a hotness scale, you’re an eight, and she’s a six.”
Kim frowned, not sure which upset her more: Being compared with a machine, or her persocom getting such a low score. “You said this Wade guy makes his own persocoms. How do they rate.”
“Pretty high for the most part.” admitted Ron.
Kim shook her hands. “Never mind.”
Shego came out of the bathroom, dressed and ready to go. Ron glanced at his watch. “Come on, girls… follow me.” Ron yanked a door open dramatically. “I have our route precisely planned out.” he said, and… marched into a closet. He bounced off a set of hanging clothes and sprawled on the ground… one of Kim’s bras draped on his head, like the world’s silliest hat.
Kim couldn’t help it… she laughed. A softer giggle caught Kim’s attention, and she looked at Shego. The robot girl was giggling.
“It’s not funny.” grumbled Ron, pulling off the bra. “I got turned around, ok.”. He blinked. “Hey, wait, was Shego LAUGHING at me?”
“She’s probably just imitating me.” said Kim.
Ron shrugged. “Ok… like I said, follow me.”. Ron opened another door and then paused, to make sure it was the correct door, before leading the way to the bus stop.
“Wow… big place.” said Kim, after the bus had dropped them off. They were standing in front of a set of ornate gates, ‘WL’ emblazoned on the gates.
Ron pushed a button to activate a communication panel. “Kim, just keep in mind this guy is a genius. A super genius. Be aware he has a few… quirks.”
“No big, Ron.” said Kim. “I’m sure I can handle it.”.
A voice, distorted by some sort of scrambling system, said “Who is it?”
Ron cleared his throat. “Ron Stoppable, your Wade-ness… I’m here with Kim Possible and her persocom…”
“Ah, yes.” said the voice. “The persocom learning Tai Shing Pekwar. Please, come in. I’ll have Kitten meet you at the door.”
The automated gates swung open.
“Kitten? This guy has pet names for all his servents?” asked Kim.
“Not exactly… you’ll understand when you see Kitten.” said Ron.
One glance at Kitten was enough to see where she got the name. She was a persocom, her ears styled to look like a pair of large cat-ears. The ‘fur’ on her ears were white, contrasting with her short cotton-candy pink hair. She was a little shorter then Shego, and if she had been human Kim would have guessed ‘Kitten’ was twelve years old. She had a black cloth collar around her neck, complete with a silver bell, and was wearing a pink-and-white maid’s uniform. The final detail was a feature that Kim had only seen on one other persocom, and that was Rufus… the girl had a tail. An honest-to-goodness, two and a half foot long, prehensile, pink-furred cat’s tail.
“Hello, Ron-San.” said Kitten, opening the door.
“Hi, Kitten.” said Ron. “Kim, Shego… this is Kitten.”
“Oh, um, hi Kitten…” said Kim.
“Hello, Kitten.” said Shego, more formally.
“Hello, Kim-san… hello, Shego-san.” said Kitten. “Please, Master Wade is expecting you in the blue room.”
Kitten set off… the tail gave her walk an extra wiggle which Kim tried to ignore. Looking at the prepubescent cat-girl, Kim began to feel upset. “What type of pervert is this Wade guy?” she hissed into Ron’s ear.
“Whatya mean?” said Ron, startled.
“Isn’t it obvious?” said Kim. “What type of old goat builds himself a twelve year old girl persocom.”
Ron blinked, then grinned. “You’ll see… but tell me, what type of girl keeps a twelve year old persocom she found in the trash?”
“Shego looks at least fifteen.” said Kim. “Maybe fourteen.”
“Well, trust me.” said Ron. “You’ll understand when you meet Wade why he’d want a persocom to look that young.”
“I can imagine.” said Kim, feeling herself get angry again.
The blue room was blue… blue ceiling, blue and white carpeting, and blue carpeting. The furniture was dark wood (not blue), but the tablecloth spread over the table was sky blue. Sitting in a chair was a ten year old boy, somewhat chubby. His ears looked normal and he was wearing what looked like a formal blue suit, so Kim assumed he was Wade’s grandson instead of another persocom.
“Hi, Wade.” said Ron, calmly.
The boy got to his feet. “Hi, Ron… how’s it going? Rufus enjoying his latest upgrade?”
The pink molerat-robot poked his head out of Ron’s pocket. “Hi-hi… all fine!”
Kim blinked. “YOU’RE Wade?” said Kim, startled. “I just expected you to be… um, taller…”
“You mean older.” Wade said, calmly. “Don’t worry, I get that reaction a lot when people meet me in person for the first time.”
“I didn’t mean to be rude.” said Kim. “Um, are your parents around?”
“My mom’s on vacation in the Bahamas… sort of a late mother’s day present, from me.” said Wade. “I think Dad is still on a golfing excursion.”
“They let you just stay home by yourself?” said Kim.
“KP, this is HIS house.” said Ron. “He bought it… with money he made himself.”
“I don’t like to brag.” said Wade. “But I’ve created… and patented… a few improvements for Persocoms. Ten to one at least one of my inventions is inside this persocom of yours. Also, I’m not alone… I’ve got my persocom friends. If you like, I can introduce you to a few more of them later. But first, I’d like to get a closer look at Shego.”
“The underwear is staying on.” said Kim, reflexively.
“Relax.” said Wade, not bothered by the commend. “I’ve got a sensor-bed in the lab next door… all you have to do is get Shego to lay down on it.”
The lab Wade led them into looked medical in nature. The walls, floor, and ceiling were covered in dull, brushed metal panels. In the middle of the room was a machine that looked like a beefed up MRI Scanner. Another persocom, this one looking to be about 24, stood in the room by a set of tools. She was dressed in a rather skimpy nurse’s uniform, which had a small hole in the back to allow her white-furred cat-tail to emerge. She had long white hair, pulled into a tight pony-tail, and two white-furred cat ears poking up. Around her neck was a white collar, with a red plus on the front. She gave a cool, clinical nod to Kim and Ron, then a warm smile to Wade.
“Are all his persocoms cat-girls?” Kim asked Ron, softly.
Not softly enough, apparently. “Almost all of them.” said Wade. “It’s sort of my ‘signature’ if you will… What can I say, I like anime.” He pointed at the bed which had extended from the MRI Machine. “Shego, would you please lay down here?”
Shego glanced at Kim. When she saw Kim nod, the green skinned persocom laid down on the white bed. Kim watched nervously as the bed, with Shego on top of it, retracted into the machine.
The nurse-bot helped Wade pull on a pair of gloves. Glowing buttons were marked on the cuffs of the gloves, and wires ran along the outside of the gloves’ fingertips. Wade turned from the MRI machine, facing an empty corner of the room as far as Kim could tell. “Activate imaging system.” Wade said.
Kim gasped in surprise as a slightly transparent image of Shego appeared, laying down on what appeared to be thin-air. “Activate magnetic imaging system.” Wade said calmly. The ‘skin’ of the image Shego became more translucent, but under it was a slightly smaller, black outline of Shego. Wade frowned. “That’s weird…”
“Something wrong?” asked Kim.
“I’m not sure… this might take a while.” said Wade. “Kitten, take Ms. Possible and Ron back to the blue room… Have Catterine fix them something to eat if they’re hungry. Nurse Mew, have the scanner run a full diagnostic on itself and then we‘ll try scanning on a different frequency set…”
“Hey, wait a minute…” said Kim.
“Come on, Kim…” said Ron, tugging on Kim’s sleeve. “You do not argue with the great and terible Wade in his own lair.”.
Kim paced the confines of the blue room nervously. Ron was sitting at a table, finishing off a large plate of nachos. “You sure you don’t want any, Kim?” he asked. “They’re really good.”
“I’m fine.” said Kim. “I just wish I knew what was taking Wade so long.”
“Relax, Kim.” said Wade. “He’s a genius. Wade knows what he’s doing.”
“Hello, friends.” said Wade, walking into the room. Shego was following him. As soon as Shego saw Kim, she rushed over and hugged Kim happily.
“There there, Shego…” said Kim, returning the hug. “I’m glad to see you too.”
“Interesting…” said Wade.
“So, find out if she was a custom-built?” asked Kim.
“Oh, she’s definitely that.” said Wade. “If anyone was mass-producing persocoms like her, I’d have found out about it. She’s… definitely something special.”
“What do you mean?” asked Kim. She sat down in a chair, letting Shego get into her lap. The persocom understood there were times Kim had to leave, such as for school or work, but enjoyed being close to Kim when she could.
Wade cleared his throat. “First of all, that ‘skin’ of hers is off the charts, for persocoms. It’s a lot tougher then what most persocoms use… I’d be willing to bet it’s probably even bullet-proof. Second, it’s highly-energy absorptive. At first I thought there was some sort of shielding blocking my scanners, but it turned out her skin was just absorbing most of the energy-wavelengths my scanner used. The only way I could get a picture of what was going on inside was by using passive scanners and ultrasonic imaging.”
“Passive electro-magnetic scanning reveals she has a Hex-Lithium power cell system.” said Wade. “Between her skin and that power cell, it’s obvious that she’s meant for some sort of extremely high-power output functions. There seems to be some high-power voltage lines running through her arm, and some sort of ion generators built into her hands. Why, I’m not sure.”
Wade gestured. “Ultrasonics… inside, it’s pretty standard persocom architecture except for the extra power systems. Material density is a bit off… whoever built her seemed to have used military-grade parts. She may even be stronger the Kitka and Catana. “
“Kitka and Catana?” asked Kim.
“Two of Wade’s persocoms. Designed for security.” said Ron.
“With the way her skin interferes with scanners, I haven’t been able to tell what sort of processor she has.” said Wade. “If it’s like the rest of her, though, I’m sure it’s exceptional. It’s time for stage two of testing.”
Kim watched nervously as Shego sat down in a plastic chair. Wade fastened cables from both of Shego’s ears to terminals built into the chair’s head rest. Behind the chair sat a super-computer, about the size of a large home aquarium.
Wade made the last connection. “Relax, Kim… Shego will be perfectly fine. All this system will do is access her memory files so we can review them.”
Wade stepped back and confidently pulled out a remote control from a pocket. “I should have all I need to know in five seconds.”. Wade pushed a button on the remote.
A display screen appeared.
ATTEMPTING TO ACCESS… BEGINNING ATTEMPT 1.
The one changed to a two, and thne quickly to a three. Wade blinked in surprise as the numbers begin flickering faster, jumping to the two digits and then the three digits. He gasped outright as attempt 1000 was made.
“I don’t believe it!” said Wade. “I’ve never seen a system that mine couldn’t at least begin getting into by try 300 or so…”
ACTIVE SECURITY PROTOCOLS DIRECTED… ATTEMPTING TO DIVERT
ERROR. VIRAL INFECTORS DETECTED IN MAIN SYSTEM
SYSTEM ERROR… SYSTEM ERROR… SYSTEM ERROR
Wade rushed to Shego, franticly undoing cables. Shego just sat calmly in the chair, as the display flashed bright red.
SYSTEM ERROR… SYST3M ERROR… SYSTEM ERR0R…
SysTEM IZ C0RRUPT3D… ATTMPTING TO REb00T…
P0W3Ring d0wn…
The super computer went dark as Wade undid the last connection between it and Shego. “Unbelievable!” said Wade. “Your persocom just fried my entire super computer… There’s no way it should have done that.”
“Look, I’m really sorry… I’m sure she didn’t mean to do that…” said Kim.
“Lady, that’s no ordinary persocom!”said Wade. “Get that thing OUT of here!”