“Well, maybe we'll watch part of it again, anyway.” He grinned at the Doctor, and to himself.
Three in the morning, and Ron was hungry! He carefully climbed out of the bed so as not to awaken the sleeping Evil Scientist next to him, and padded barefoot to the kitchen. Cheese. Cheese was always good.
As he wound his way through the Lair's “Big Room”, he heard the front door slam, and quick-step but near-silent footfalls that could only be one person. As she got closer to the stairway, he could hear her mumbling to herself.
Eventually she pass him without ever looking his way – she seemed… well, in a bad mood.
“Shego?”
“mumble fkn stpd” she was saying, then glanced at him cursorily, “GRRUF! dmnd chrldng gdy…”
She marched up the stairs loudly as he watched, and he heard another door slam – hard.
Guess her date didn't go so well… He actually felt a little sorry for the thief – he could imagine the kinds of problem she might be having. But… it didn't bother him all that much. Heh. Girls will be girls… he giggled and went to check the fridge.
He was just about to bite into his blue-cheese and banana sandwich when Shego came into the kitchen. Her previous mood completely changed into a sort of generalized anger at the world, now. Apparently she had relieved her frustrations… somehow.
She glanced at him – a little surprised to see him in Drakken's robe – and buried her head in the refrigerator without a word.
“Uhm… so how'd it go?” he said – a tragic opening line, considering.
“Rugin’ mekon tase” she said, “Mekon tase! GAWH!” She pulled her head out of the appliance holding a bottle of water in one hand, Hershey's syrup in another, and a pint of Hagen-Daz clenched in her teeth. She slammed that door, too, and set the items on the counter, looking for a bowl, then deciding against it, and pouring the syrup directly into the tub of ice-cream.
“Uh… say what?”
She turned to him with syrup on the corners of her mouth, “FIVE HOURS! Five hours with her, and I get to second base! SECOND BASE! Can you believe it!” She glared at him as if it were his fault.
“Yeah, well… that's farther than anyone's ever been before. What'd you expect? You think she was just gonna -”
“NEVER MIND what I THOUGHT, Stoppable!” She attacked the pint carton viciously, “None of your business what I THOUGHT! Doy!”
Ron decided that maybe it was best to eat in silence while Shego concentrated her anger on the ice-cream.
The carton was empty before he was halfway through his sandwich, and she stared at it balefully. Then she sniffed the air and looked over at him, looking almost worried.
“What IS that smell?”
“Blue-cheese and banana” he said, cheerfully – knowing how awful it sounded to everyone, “Want me to make you one?”
“Glacial Spring Water” spewed from her mouth and nose over the counter-top. “ -hik- I don't think so.”
“Ron.”
“Huh? She said, still recovering from the horror of the “Ronwich”.
“You said you were going to call me ‘Ron’ from now on. Remember?”
She had sort of hoped he'd forgotten about that. “Yeah, I remember. Ron. Happy now? I take it YOUR date hit a home run…”
“Uh… yeah… couple of times, actually -”
She mumbled some more, but all he could make out was something about “fargin’ bastiges”.
“So… uh, what's ‘second base’ mean, anyway?”
Shego sighed as she wiped up the counter, then resumed cleaning up the mess again. “It means I got to feel her up, Ron. Not SEE anything, mind you… oh noooo, that wouldn't be RIGHT, now WOULD it…” and she began mumbling again.
Finally, she finished wiping the counter and took a seat at the table where Ron sat just finishing his snack.
“She says… she has a problem with… my line of work. So I told her, ‘You don't think I might have the same problem with YOUR job?’ She… she didn't seem to get the point. Are ALL you do-gooders that thick? YOU don't seem to have a problem with that…”
Ron stared at his plate. Actually, he did have a problem with that.
“I'm not Kim, Shego. And even if I… am willing to ignore it, for awhile, it's still a problem for me too.”
“Well, if you can put it aside for one night, I don't see -”
“Shego, we're not called ‘Team Stoppable’. My picture is never in the papers. The press doesn't even know my name – I'm ‘the sidekick', as you like to remind me. So maybe I don't have to… deal with what she does. I dunno… I think Kim lets all that get to her, sometimes… you know, Miss All -”
“-American World-Saving Super-Hero Cheerleader” Shego finished his sentence, “Yeah, believe me, I know whatcha mean. And she sure does.”
A long silence ensued as they each considered the conundrum.
“What am I…” Shego began, and then it struck her that he was having the same thoughts, from the other side, as it were, “I mean, what are we going to do about it?”
He didn't say anything. He didn't really want to think about this… not now… not ever.
“I guess it boils down to: how bad do you want her, Shego? I can tell you right now that she's not going to give up being a good-guy. I might… probably won't, but I'll at least think about it. She won't. Sorry to be so harsh about it.” He got up from the table and put his dish in the sink, “Good night, Shego.”
He was almost out the door before she replied, “Nite, Ron.”
Ron got back under the covers with his… what? Boyfriend? Could hardly call him that. Lover? He wasn't sure he was ready for that yet, either. So… with his Drakken, then, who was laid over on his side, facing away and snoring lightly. Holding his head up with one arm, Ron lightly scratched Drakken's back - whatever it was made his skin blue also made it itch, apparently. The man grunted in sleepy approval. Ah, Drak… what am I gonna do with you?
“Y'know, Doc… I've been thinking about this summer-school thing…” Ron said sitting down for breakfast. He'd prepared his best stuff for the Doctor: Eggs Benedict, crispy bacon, carefully burnt toast. Shego, of course, was sleeping in.
Drakken winced perceptibly, “Uh, yes. I'd like to talk to you about that, actually…”
“I said I'd do it, Doc! Geez! I was just going to say that you might have to help me with the homework sometimes, is all…”
Drakken looked steadily at the freckled young man's brown eyes, “I'd prefer if you forgot that entire conversation. Pretend we never had it. You don't have to go to summer-school, you don't have to take pre-calculus… you do whatever you and your parents decide is best for you. That's all I really have to say about it.” He looked self-consciously back down at his plate.
What a relief! Ron had been dreading summer-school - and Analytical Trig even more. Now he was free and clear! But… something wasn't right, here… for one thing, this was the first time the Doctor had ever used the word “parents”.
“Uhm… well, thanks, Drak… but… how come? What changed your mind?”
Drakken sighed heavily – this was going to be the hard part. “What changed my mind is simple, Ron. I'm not your father” he looked back up at the teenager, “And furthermore, I don't want to BE your father. At all. In any way. That's… that's not how I'd like it to be, between us.”
That made sense. Ron didn't want that either… but it hadn't occurred to him that it even was - ‘in any way’ - like that. Any way whatsoever!
“Yeah, okay…” But was it okay? The scientist had been so excited at the time about getting him to take pre-calculus… now he didn't care? It didn't matter? “So… you don't care what I do, I mean, what happens to me in my life? Whether I go to college, cooking-school, or what?”
“Of course I care! I care… I care a great deal… It's just… it's not my place -”
“Hey, Drak. You know what my father thinks I should be when I grow – I mean… for a living?”
“Of course not. But that's between -”
“An actuary. An actuary for an insurance company somewhere” Ron said flatly.
“Good Lord…” Drakken said, horrified.
“Yeah. Me too.” Ron fought to put what he was feeling into words, “Look, Doc… I don't want you to be my father either. One's enough. But… well… there are still a lot of things I could use some help on, y'know? And… I'd like at least some of that help to come from you.” He paused here, trying to think if he'd said everything correctly. He decided eventually that it was the best he could do. “So… you up for that?”
Drakken didn't answer for an unusually long time. This… this relationship… grown, middle-aged man, and… well, young man… perhaps very young man, had so many unforeseen aspects. Now he had to balance “fatherly advice” with it? But Ron had asked him to! He wanted his advice, his direction! On some things. At some times…
“Yes, Ron. I'm ‘up’ for that, as you say.”
“Good” Ron said cutting into his English muffin and faintly smiling, “I'm taking the summer-school. And I'm going to make you suffer for it, too.”
The Doctor sighed, “As you wish, dear.”
Ron looked up to see Drakken grinning at him.
Kim and Ron were walking to school, one of the few times it was safe to talk.
“So, did you… uh… y'know… with Drakken?” Kim asked.
“Yeah, KP, I did.” He waited to see if she was going to say anything else. Rufus, riding on his shoulder, rolled his eyes skyward.
“Oh…” was all she managed.
“But I hear you and Shego only got to ‘second base’…”
“What! Where… she told you? Oh! That… that…” Kim snuggled her schoolbooks up tighter against her breasts, as if trying to protect them from prying eyes that might see where the woman had touched her.
“She was pretty ticked off, Kim. Frustrated, I mean” he explained, wondering if he was stepping on sacred ground, “I guess you don't wanna talk about it… an’ that's okay. None of my bee's wax.”
They walked a block in silence.
Then Kim found something she could talk about, “She's… I mean, they're our enemies, Ron! They're… well, maybe not evil, but Bad People, anyway. They're against everything we stand for! How am I supposed to enjoy… being with someone like that? And why doesn't it bother you, for that matter!”
“It DOES bother me, Kim!” Ron stopped walking, “Maybe not as much as it does you… you're the super-hero, after all, and I'm just the wacky sidekick no one can quite remember. But yeah, it does bother me. It's just that…” This is the part he hadn't even been trying to figure out, for fear of the logical conclusion, “It's just that I like a lot of things about him, okay? Not everything, but a lot. Enough. I'll… I'll deal with the rest of it when I have to. Maybe something will happen… I don't know. Don't look a gift-horse in the mouth. Get it while you can. Just do it. And lots of other stupid slogans… I don't have all the answers, KP…”
“Do you love him?” she asked with shocking earnestness.
He didn't quite know how to answer, “No. Not yet. I think… I think I could. Maybe. I might… He's really…” Suddenly, Ron took on an exasperated tone, “Look, enough about me. I'll deal with me. You just worry about you and Shego, okay?”
He began walking toward the school again, not waiting for her to follow – a stark contrast to the usual order of things between them.
“Wait… Ron” she said, catching up, “I'm sorry. I didn't mean to be… like that. It's just, uh, well, I was hoping you could give me some idea what to do, is all. I'm kinda lost here…”
Ron slowed his pace, “Yeah, I know how you feel…”
That surprised her, here she thought he and Drakken had it all worked out – they'd certainly progressed fast enough from simple conversation to… well, sex. “You do?”
“What, you think I know exactly what I'm doing here? How things are going to go before they do? KP… me and Drak have a lot of… things we talk about. There's stuff on both our sides we have to think out. Been that way since… well, our first date. Back then, I sure didn't know it was going to go this far… I didn't know I'd want it to! Don't you girls talk to each other?”
“Uh… I never know what to say…” Kim said, abashed.
“Geez. How about ‘I really like you’ or ‘I like it when we fight’ or stuff like that? How about telling her what you find attractive about her? You… you don't say any of that stuff?”
She didn't answer.
“So, let me get this straight. She picked you up, you went to dinner, watched a movie, made out, and never said anything?”
“Of COURSE we said things, Ron! We talked about… y'know, the food, and the movie, her car, and -”
“And anything else except each other. Right?”
Again, she stayed quiet.
“Kim, you obviously want her. I've never seen you so worried about what what to wear as you were on that date. I mean, asking me for advice, for cryin’ out loud” he chuckled a little remembering, “So… how come? I mean, if she's your enemy and all… what is it exactly you like so much about her?”
Kim took a long time answering. It was a good question. Why Shego? Why not… Monique, the “Leather Mistress” - that sounded like fun - or Tara, if she was… or even Bonnie? Bonnie was undeniably sexy, and that hateful veneer was SO obviously just for show. Why, of all the people – well, girls – well, women - in Middleton… why Shego?
She became nervous about taking too long to answer, Ron might get suspicious.
“It's just physical, Ron. She's a hot -”
“Bull.”
“What?”
“Give me a break, KP! ‘Just physical’. What a load… Wanna know what I think?”
“Not real-”
“I think she's everything you fantasize about being. Mysterious Bad Girl. Her Own Woman, not caring what anyone thinks of her. Independent. Resourceful. On Her Own, with no one she has to say ‘please and thank you’ to. You like her because you want to BE like her!” He stopped and turned to face her, “Or, maybe I'm just full of of naco-filling… Am I?”
She couldn't look him in the eye, so he had his answer.
“Is that how you feel about Dr. Drakken?” she asked instead, trying desperately to direct the conversation away from herself.
“Yeah. Yeah, it is, kind of. I wish I was like him in a lot of ways. And you're changing the subject again.”
They walked on to the school without “the subject” being further discussed.
And picked it right back up again on the walk home. By now, the conversation of the morning had sunk in, and Kim was at least willing to admit that she admired the Thief she'd dated.
She began the conversation as soon as they were out of earshot of any other students.
“So…” Well, it wasn't much of a beginning, actually.
Ron rolled his eyes, “So.”
“So everyone at school knows about me, you know. Me and Shego. It's like, everyone just says ‘duh’… it kind of weirds me out. Like, ‘Yeah, Kim's gay and hot for that green villain – so NOT the drama!’. How come you never said anything?”
“C'mon, KP… what would I say? And if I had, what would you have said?”
He had her there.
The walked on in silence for awhile as Kim wondered about her own feelings, really admitting them to herself for the first time. Her date with Shego had been SO tense… like she knew she should be on the date, but didn't really want to do anything… date-like, beyond the thrill of kissing the other girl.
Yeah, the thrill. And there was more thrill where that came from… Gawd, I am SUCH a dork! SO “Mayberry”… Even Ron knows how to have a better time on a date than I do. I just… don't know…
“Uhm… I feel kind of stupid asking this… but… exactly what do girls – Lesbians, I mean – do on dates?”
Ron's eyes opened wide as he abruptly stopped on the sidewalk. Rufus barely clung on to his shoulder with one paw.
“You can't be serious…”
She looked off to the distance as something fascinating were at the end of the street, “Well, you know… I've never surfed for porn… read a dirty story… none of that stuff. How am I supposed to know?”
It hadn't occurred to Ron that Kim Possible – head cheerleader, Popular Girl, Hero, not to mention Outright Fox, wouldn't know what to do. He'd just assumed… that she wasn't like him in that regard. But apparently she was…
“You should be asking Shego these things. In fact, you shouldn't be talking to me right now at all! Call her up. You got her private Lair number?”
“Uhm… yeah…”
“Call her up! Apologize for your date – for how it went, and tell her why. Look, I guarantee you there's things she's wondering about too… TALK to the woman! I'm betting she'll know what to do… let her do it!”
“I don't know what to -”
“You tell me you ‘don't know what to say’ again and I'm gonna sic Rufus on you!” Rufus, perched on Ron's shoulder, crossed his arms and gave her a stern look.
Kim smiled at the rodent, “You getting mean hanging around Drakken, aren't cha?”
“Hm. I guess he's rubbing off on me.” Suddenly he started giggling.
“I don't even want to know…”
Click. “Hey, you've reached the Ronmeister! Leave a message after – click – Yellow, goat-head.”
“Excuse me?”
“Ya, hello. Go ahead. Hey, KP. What's goin’ on? You talk to -”
“We're spending the night studying American Civics. Got it? I'm sleeping over. Your parents are home, right?”
“Yeah, but… ooooooohhhhhh. Yeah, KP, I got yer back.”
“Thanks, Ron. I owe ya.”
“Break a leg, KP!”
“…”
“Well, uh… good luck, then. Don't do anything I wouldn't do!”
“… uh-huh… Bye, Ron.”
Click. “Boo-yah! Hot Lez action tonight, Rufus!”
“Lez Laction?”
“I'll tell ya later, Ruf. Right now, it's ‘Deep Space Nine’ time!”