What the Molerat Saw


The same thing we do every night


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TITLE: The same thing we do every night


DISCLAIMER: All things Buffy come from the feverish mind of Joss Whedon and the writers at the late lamented Mutant Enemy. Kim Possible was created by Mark McCorkle and Bob Schooley and is owned by The Mouse. This is a derivative work. The crossover story idea/plot is mine, everything else belongs to them. Other crossovers will be noted as/if they occur in the story.

SUMMARY: A variation on a theme (Someone becomes a slayer), with very minor Kigo subtext. Starting mid-way through KP and Ron's senior year in high school.

TYPE: Kim/Shego

RATING: US: PG-13 / DE: 12

Authors Note: (A version of this was originally posted on Twisting the Hellmouth as part 118 of ‘Methos’ Round Robin Tales from the Barman) You don't need to read that series of ficlets to know what is going on here. This story contains all you need to know about the bar to understand its part in the story.

Words: 1528

Additional Disclaimer: The idea for Xander's bar isn't mine. (And I don't own ‘Pinky and the Brain’ either.)

“Gee, Brain, what are we going to do tonight?”

“The same thing we do every night, try to take over the world!”

Shego watched Drakken storm out of the bar in a huff. She wasn't sure why he was so upset. It had been his idea in the first place. She'd felt completely justified in pointing that out. She had been on her best behavior for the last hour. They were in town to do a quick job and get out, not to go bar hopping.

Just because this place had been mentioned in the same issue of Supervillains Quarterly that had put Drakken on the cover didn't mean they actually had to make an appearance. She suspected that Kim's geekboy had been behind that cover. There was no way anyone in their right mind would give Drakken the ‘Supervillain Strategist of the Year’ award.

Shego shook her head at the foolishness of mad scientists, something she'd become well acquainted with in the years since she'd escaped from Go Tower. The one eyed bartender had barely glanced at them when they'd entered the bar and Drakken had felt slighted at not being giving the recognition he felt he was due. She found it amusing, actually preferring the anonymity the bar provided.

Even if it was called the best place in Cleveland for neutral meetings between sworn enemies, it was unlikely that any of her numerous enemies would be in this part of Ohio at the same time as her. Or, if they were, that she would want to meet with them. They were her enemies for a reason. The less she saw of them, the better.

It was as unlikely as Hego ever apologizing for coming up with that lame excuse for a villain the day of her prom, forcing her to break her date with the one person in high school who'd treated her like a normal person. Or of Kim Possible dropping the goody two shoes act and joining her in a crime spree that Shego was sure Kimmie would enjoy more than interfering in some pissing contest between Monkey Fist and Duff Killigan like she'd been doing the last time they'd run into each other.

She'd tried to steer them towards a table in a quiet corner where she could have some control over him. Drakken's behavior was outrageous enough when he was sober, she didn't want to deal with him drunk. But he'd ignored her hints and had grabbed a table right in the middle of the bar. She hadn't tried to fight him over it. There'd been something about the several tables of women scattered around the bar that had set off alarms in her head. Discretion seemed wise, especially when they hadn't accomplished what they'd come to Cleveland for.

Of course, that was before the cocoa-moo embarrassment. Drakken had been on very thin ice already, enthusiastically telling her what his plans were for Kim Possible. As soon as they had all of the things needed for his current so called plan to take over the world, he had loudly told her, he was going to prove once and for all who was ‘all that’. Like a lot of his plans it hadn't made much sense.

She'd ordered the vodka in an attempt to forget the look the barmaid had given them when Drakken had ordered his “cocoa moo” in that mama's boy voice he thought was so cute. Supposedly the best vodka in the place and she'd barely felt anything from it, even after half the bottle, though it did have the effect of making his plan seem even less likely to succeed at that point. Tired of listening to his delusions, she'd decided to get him out of the bar. At least then they could go steal the stupid cape and she could go home. If she was lucky, Kim would show up and she would get a nice workout. It had been pathetically easy. In less than five minutes she'd gotten him angry enough to leave, thinking it was his own idea.

But now that she was sitting at the bar, waiting for him to realize she had the keys to the hovercraft and it wasn't going anywhere without her, she was becoming even more annoyed at him for dragging her there. She just wasn't in the mood for it any more.

The bar was too clean, almost as if it had just been remodeled. There were too many red heads, and no dancing. And the other patrons were too well behaved, not a single fight had happened since she'd walked in the door. The food fight between Stoppable and Drakken at the last annual Possible Snowman Hank Christmas party had been more exciting.

“Do you want to talk about it?” the bartender asked her the next time he wandered by. She grimaced at him, repressing an automatic growl. She could do without the traditional bartender confessional. Smelling the varnish on the top of the bar reaching its combustion point she looked down to find she'd started leaking plasma.

She really needed a vacation, Shego decided. Maybe she could go somewhere fun after Kimmie inevitably stopped Drakken's stupid plan. She wondered if the Princess would object to being kidnapped instead of going home with Stoppable. Dismissing the idea as foolish, she took a deep breath and concentrated for a moment on getting her plasma under better control.

“Xander.” He introduced himself, wisely keeping his hands to himself. “I find talking about your problems can put them into perspective.”

“Do you annoy everyone like this?” Shego asked, idly lifting her right hand and watching the faint glow of green plasma flowing across it.

He smiled at her and shrugged, apparently immune to the glare she used to turn Drakken into a frightened, quivering heap whenever he involved her in one of his stupider schemes to defeat Kim Possible.

“Too many redheads around here.” She muttered finally, waving at him to refill her glass.

“You have a problem with red hair?” Xander asked, stepping to one side so she could see the framed photo on the wall of him standing next to a redhead.

“They're nothing but trouble,” Shego said, shaking her head. “Don't deny it.”

“Around here?” Xander asked, motioning subtly to one of the tables she'd noticed earlier, one that seemed to contain nothing but redheads. “I wouldn't be foolish enough to agree.”

“They had hero complexes, all of them,” she grumbled. “They start out small, baby-sitting and dog walking. Before you know it they're interfering in your plans to take over the world.”

“What do you do with the world once you have it?” he asked. “I've always wondered about that.”

“You know,” Shego said, “I've worked with a number of mad scientists and megalomaniacs over the years. Follow-through seems to be a big problem with most of them. They never think about after.”

“Maybe you should go into another profession?” he suggested. “Become one of the good guys.”

“Been there, done that.” Shego said. “Burned the t-shirt. I prefer being evil. It's more fun.”

“You aren't evil.” Xander told her, his tone telling her it would be pointless to argue with him. Kim Possible had the same deluded belief in her goodness, no matter what she did to disabuse her of it.

“I like what I do.” she grumbled, shaking her head in disagreement. “Sure, it's Shego get this, Shego steal that, Shego - why don't we have spinning tops of doom they they do; but the pay is great and the hours - not too bad. It's even challenging occasionally.”

“Let me guess,” Xander said, “the occasionally is because of a redhead.”

“Shego!” Drakken yelled from the door before she could answer. “Time to go!”

Shego sighed, sliding from her stool and dropping several twenties on the bar. “I'll be back later. Need to go deal with a redhead and her sidekick when they show up to stop this week's plan for world domination. Only an idiot would think a cape worn by the King could be used to take over the world. But at least he's my idiot. And the princess is always good for a laugh before she stops us.” she said before heading for the door. The bartender laughed nervously, as if he wasn't sure whether to believe her or not.

Stepping outside, Shego headed towards the hovercraft, which was shimmering slightly, more visible than normal. The cloaking device had started giving off a high pitched whine on the trip to Cleveland. She was going to have to get it fixed soon before it failed completely. Drakken certainly wasn't going to do it. A cloaking device was useless if you could see through it.

“Did you get the recipe?” Drakken asked as she strapped herself into her seat.

“Recipe for what?” Shego asked, looking at him in disbelief.

“For their cocoa-moo of course.” Drakken said. “It's as good as Mom's but she won't give me the recipe.” Drakken pouted.

“No!” Shego growled, throwing the hovercraft into gear and taking off without warning, throwing him back in his seat. “You can get it when we're done.”

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