“Moni, I'm home!” Ron shouted as he strolled into the kitchen the next morning.
“Very funny, Ron,” Monique muttered as she fed Kim another spoonful of yogurt.
“What? I can't be glad to see my lady and my baby?” Ron teased, draping his arms around them.
“You can call her yours after you've changed a few diapers. As for me, you can just keep dreaming.”
“See, if I didn't understand women, that would've really hurt me,” Ron sighed. “I was just kidding. You're the one that said I was Kim's Daddy. And I assume you're Kim's Mommy, which makes us…”
“What?” Monique snapped, glaring at him.
Ron's face paled. “…primary caregivers and nothing else.”
“Good answer.”
“Did I do something wrong before I got here, or is this one of those things that's my fault just because I'm male and exist?”
Monique sighed. “Sorry, Ron. I've got a lot on my mind. I was thinking about calling Kim's mom in a few minutes.”
“Oh. Anything I can do?” Ron asked.
“Cross your fingers. And keep Kim company.”
Ron blinked. “Okay, but that's less Daddy work and more under the best friend heading.”
“Then you shouldn't have any problems, should you?” Monique asked as she left the room.
“Good point.” Ron carefully lifted Kim out of her brand new highchair. “Sooo. How far along are we on this whole ‘not-peeing-on-people’ thing, KP?”
Kim wrinkled her nose indignantly.
“Hey, don't you look at me like that! You're the one that had the accident all over Monique! In fact, since you just ate, I'd better check you now…” Very reluctantly, Ron lifted Kim a little higher and sniffed in the general direction of her bottom. “Hmm. I don't smell anything, so I guess you're clean.” His eyes narrowed suspiciously. “Or is that just what you WANT me to think?”
Kim scrunched up her little face. “Wonnie stupidhead!”
“I may be a stupidhead, little lady, but I'm one with the bomb diggity tickling skills!”
Any protests Kim had dissolved into high-pitched laughter as Ron began his assault.
Monique could not remember ever having to use Mrs. Dr. Possible's cell phone number. She liked to keep the line clear for appointments and emergencies only, and Monique had simply never needed her so badly before.
Well, that was wrong. It was Kim who needed here there, in person. But Monique wouldn't be opposed to any baby advice she could offer, having not only done this three times, but having done it once with Kim already.
Monique was not at all surprised when the phone was picked up on the first ring.
“Dr. Possible, how may I help you?” said a pleasant voice.
It occurred to Monique, not for the first time, that someone was eventually going to get the wrong Dr. Possible. Although, between a rocket scientist and a brain surgeon, could you ever really go that wrong?
“Hey, Mrs. P,” she said as calmly as she could. No need to worry her right away.
“Oh, Monique! I'm surprised to hear your voice. Is anything wrong at home?”
“I guess that's more a matter of perspective. Things could be better, but they could be worse.”
There was only a slight pause. “Has something happened to Kim?” she asked softly.
Monique swallowed. “Yes, but she's fine, mostly.”
Another pause. “I'm tempted to ask you to define ‘fine’ for me, but I won't. I will ask you this, though. If I was looking at Kim right now, would I agree with your definition?”
“Um…well, it's definitely nothing you haven't seen before,” Monique replied. “That's sort of why I called. Kim is…she's…um…this is harder than I thought it would be.”
“The truth often is, Monique. Take your time.” Mrs. Possible sounded remarkably calm. For now.
“Professor Dementor turned Kim into a toddler,” Monique said in a rush. “But she's okay! We've been changing and feeding her and everything!”
A much longer pause followed. “I assume Ronald is the other half of we?”
“Yeah. He mostly handles the entertainment.”
“And Kim is fine?”
“Other than that, yes. She's been pretty calm, for a toddler. I was worried that her brain might've been impacted, though. I thought you might have some ideas.”
“Does she recognize you?”
“Yes, Ron tested that. Everything she says and does comes out toddler, though. It's almost like-”
“Her mind is trapped in a toddler's body?” Mrs. Possible guessed.
“Yes, actually. How did you…?”
“I've seen too many sci-fi movies. You'd be surprised how many of them involve brain transplants. But I'm getting off the subject. Is Kim having trouble remembering anything?”
“I don't think so, but we hadn't really checked.”
“Then I'd advise asking her things that a younger Kim wouldn't know. Not yet, anyway. Hmm. Try…Mr. Barkin’s first name, Dr. Drakken's real name, and her brothers’ names.”
“Will do, Mrs. P.” Monique lowered the phone and shouted, “Ron, get in here!”
A moment later, Ron walked in with Kim in his arms.
“Kim, what's Mr. Barkin’s first name?” Monique asked.
“What, you forgot?” Ron asked in surprise.
“SHH! We need to test Kim's memory!”
“Oh, gotcha.”
“Steve,” Kim answered without much thought.
Monique sighed in relief. “Dr. Drakken's name?”
“Dew Lipsky,” Kim said, frowning at the way it came out.
“Your brothers?”
“Tweebs,” Kim replied automatically.
“Kim,” Monique said seriously.
Kim rolled her eyes. “Tim, Jim.”
“She knows everything, Mrs. P,” Monique said into the phone.
“Thank goodness. That’s one less thing to worry about.”
Kim's face lit up at the sound of her mother's voice. “Mommeeeee!” she squealed, struggling in Ron's arms.
Monique blinked. “Hold on, I think Kim wants you.”
Ron quickly put Kim in Monique's lap. “Slippery little thing when she wants to be.”
“Mommy Mommy Mommeeeeee!” Kim chanted before Monique could get the phone next to her face.
“Hi, Kimmie,” Mrs. Possible cooed. “How are you, honey?”
Kim beamed. “Kimmie okies, Mommy!”
“That's very good to know, angel. But does anything hurt? Any problems at all?”
“Kimmie no talk right,” Kim reported hesitantly.
“That's okay, sweetheart. Your mind is just having trouble making your body understand that it's not really two. At least, it shouldn't be, and hopefully, it won't be for long. Anything else bothering you?”
“Bad dweems,” Kim murmured. “And Wonnie stupidhead.”
“HEY!” Ron cried.
Kim ignored him. “Mommy come home soon?” she asked hopefully. “Kimmie want Mommy.”
“I'll be there as soon as I can, Kimmie. I know you'll be a good girl for me in the meantime, won't you?”
“Kimmie good. But Wonnie stupidhead.”
“HEEEEEEY!” Ron shouted.
Kim giggled. “Wonnie say hi, Mommy.”
“So I heard,” Mrs. Possible chuckled. “Let me talk to Monique a little more, dear.”
Kim pushed the phone up to Monique.
“Yes, Mrs. P?”
“I'm sure you and Ron can manage until I get back in town,” Mrs. Possible said. “I should be there either late tonight, or early tomorrow morning. I am concerned about one little thing, though.”
“What's that?”
“How long has Kim been this way?”
“Uh…let's see. Today is Saturday, so…less than twenty-four hours. She and Ron left school right after lunch.”
“Ah. Then I'll get right to the point. When is the last time Kim had a bath?”
“I'm sure I don't know,” Monique replied slowly, starting to realize where this was going.
“Maybe I should rephrase that. Who is going to give her a bath? I'm certain she could use one by now.”
“Um…good question.” Monique looked at Ron, who was making silly faces at Kim. “I guess I will.”
“I thought you might volunteer, all things considered. I didn't think it was something Ron would be comfortable with.”
Monique started to point out that she wasn't really comfortable with it, either. But she suspected Mrs. Possible was smart enough to know that. “Is there anything I should know?”
“You can't go wrong with tear-free shampoo. Make sure the water can't rise above her head in any way. And lock the door behind you.”
“Okay, but why?”
“I'm assuming you've never had Ron walk in on you?”
“You have?” Monique asked in shock.
“No, and I wouldn't want to risk it in Kim's condition. She'll have enough trouble adjusting to her body without fearing what her friends think of it.”
“I'm going to have to do a little more than see it,” Monique reminded her.
“I know. But our options are limited, and Kim trusts you. So do I.”
Monique blushed. “But how am I going to be able to look in her in the eye again if I do this?”
“I think a better question is how you'll be able to look her in the eye again if you don't, Monique. Good luck, and I'll talk to you soon.”
Monique slowly lowered the phone.
“So, how mad is she?” Ron asked.
“Not at all. I have to give Kim a bath.”
“Oh, that's…WHAT?”
“Mrs. P said so,” Monique replied defensively.
“But…you're gonna see KP naked!” Ron cried.
Kim turned bright red.
“Ron, don't make it any more awk-weird than it already is! It has to be done, and YOU obviously can't do it!”
“I'm glad to see some of the sanity has returned, but you're still gonna see Kim naked!”
Monique put her hands on her hips. “I think Kim would rather accidentally drop her towel in front of me than you.”
Ron shook his head. “I can't believe we're even talking about this!”
“No boys,” Kim said quietly.
Monique and Ron looked at her.
“No boys,” Kim repeated firmly. She reached into the big pocket on her overalls and pulled out Rufus, handing him to Ron. “No boys!”
Monique smirked. “I think she's made up her mind, Ron.”
“And they say men are sexist,” Ron muttered.
Kim waved her little fists insistently. “No boys! Only Mo-Mo and Kimmie!”
“Okay, fine! But I'm totally against this!”
“And what would you suggest?” Monique asked.
Ron nodded sagely. “Take her out back and hit her with the hose.”
“My God, you're serious,” Monique whispered in disbelief.
“We wouldn't even have to take off her clothes! Just let her drip dry!”
“STUPIDHEAD!” Kim shrieked.
“Took the words right out of my mouth, girl,” Monique laughed.
Next Chapter: Shego’s pissed at being left out of the loop, and Mrs. Possible falls into some hairy hands.