'I can't do this. She'll never believe me.'
'Then don't give her a choice. Don't let her leave until she accepts the truth.'
'No! We can't force it on her, or she'll run. If she runs, it'll be that much harder to make her understand in the end.'
'She can't run if you don't let her. She's the lesser half, not you. Show her why this all started in YOUR body, not hers. You're stronger than her.'
'Then why does the thought of her even wanting to run away make us feel so weak?'
Gritting her teeth, Shego forcibly silenced the voices in her head and doused her dry throat with a swig of mineral water. Not that it helped much.
She'd been a nervous wreck ever since that awkward phone call from Kimmie. But there had been no trace of uncertainty in that Shego. She had simply told Kimmie where to be and when, then hung up without waiting to see if she would agree.
And she hadn't had a decent night's sleep since.
Several times, she thought of dipping into her stash of sleeping pills, but often the nightmares just weren't worth a few hours of rest. At any rate, she didn't want to be under the influence of anything but bad nerves when Kimmie showed up. This would be hard enough as it was.
There was the slim possibility that this was all a setup, but Shego didn't think so. Kimmie had sounded far too scared and confused, and she probably wasn't that good an actress. But Shego had taken certain precautions, in case things did go sour. All of her safehouses were rigged with certain voice commands, and if Kimmie gave any indication of being unfaithful…well, she'd regret it. Shego would, too, but Kimmie would regret it more.
The monitor in front of her flashed, and then cleared to show a wide view of Kimmie slipping off her parachute pack, glancing around a few times, and finally heading for the house itself, though at a leisurely enough pace where she could still spot any traps.
That was good, but mostly unnecessary. There WERE traps, but they were inactive at the moment. Once Kimmie was inside, Shego would arm then again, and, assuming things went well, disarm them before Kimmie left. If they didn't go well, Kimmie wouldn't be leaving until Shego was ready for her to leave. She didn't like the thought of forcing Kimmie to do anything, especially now, but Shego didn't have time or patience enough for any other way. And if Kimmie was on the level, there'd be no need for force.
Shego found that she'd actually calmed down quite a bit by the time she heard Kimmie's footsteps approaching the living room. Perhaps it was just an inner need to be the dominant half, the one in control of things at any given moment. Already they were meeting on her terms, and so long as she remained in control, Kimmie would never find out just how scary this all was for her, too.
“You bring my glove?” Shego asked the moment the redhead set foot into the room.
Kim nodded slightly, slowly pulling Shego's black glove from her pocket. She hesitantly crossed the room, handing the glove to Shego.
Shego inspected the glove for any traces of blood, even as she commented, “I see your leg's healed up.”
“Only because the wound was…treated so quickly. At least, that's what…Mom said.” Kim swallowed nervously and cleared her throat. “Why did you agree to this?”
“You had my glove.”
“Seriously, Shego. Why?”
“You ask your Mom? About what you saw?”
“She couldn't explain it. She said I should ask you.”
“And do you know why she couldn't explain it, Kimmie?” Shego asked, staring intently at her. “Why you had to come to me?”
“Because you know…something about me that no one else does.”
“How do you think I got that knowledge? By watching you?”
Kim shook her head. “It can't be anything that simple.”
“You're right. It's not simple at all. It's not even remotely believable, either. So before I tell you anything, you need to decide something for yourself, Kimmie. How much do you trust me?”
Kim stared at her, at a complete loss for words. “What kind of a question is that?”
Shego sighed. “One I don't really expect an answer to. Aloud, anyway. But you still need to make the choice. Let me know when you're ready.” She began to turn away, but Kim grabbed her arm.
“Shego, wait. I do trust you. Neither of us is on the clock right now, so you don't have any reason to lie to me. Even when we were, you didn't have to remove that dagger. The least I could do in return is believe what you tell me.”
Shaking her head, Shego chuckled. “No, Kimmie. You do owe me, but that's not how I want to be repaid. You wanna believe what I say, that's your call. I'll collect later. I never waste a debt owed to me.”
“Fair enough,” Kim agreed.
“And since you do trust me,” Shego continued, “I'm sure you'll have no problem letting me hold that Kimmunicator for a few minutes.”
Kim looked a bit surprised, but she still reached into her pocket. “Any particular reason why?”
“Yeah,” Shego said simply, holding out her hand.
Smirking, Kim handed over the Kimmunicator. “Are you trying to see if I really trust you, or are you trying to figure out if you trust me?”
“Neither.” Shego gave the Kimmunicator a long look before putting it in her pocket.
“Just so you know, I am going to need that back,” Kim pointed out.
“I'm aware,” Shego replied, gesturing to the couch. “Have a seat. You don't want to be standing when I tell you this.”
A look remarkably like fear flashed across Kim's face, but she sat down.
“When I was little, I didn't have any friends. It was just me and those jerks who dared to call themselves my brothers, and I wasn't crazy about them then. So I improvised.”
“You talked to yourself,” Kim guessed.
“No, Kimmie. I talked to you. Up until that comet hit me, you were a voice in my head. Someone I talked to when I thought I was going to lose it. You kept me in line…mostly.”
“You…you're kidding, right?” Kim asked slowly.
“How do you think I knew your name when we first met? Why do you think I went nuts when I saw you? After that comet hit me, I never heard anything else from you. I thought you were gone for good. Then you show up out of the blue and kick me in the back of the head.”
“You could've heard of me beforehand,” Kim said softly. “Even then, I had a reputation…”
“I wasn't coming onto you when I said you were mine, Kimmie. You are. You always have been. I don't know how you got out of my head and into that body, and I'm betting you don't, either. But I could never forget your voice. I've missed it too much.”
“Shego, this isn't funny,” Kim snapped, standing up.
Shego closed her eyes. “I'm not laughing, Kimmie.”
“You shouldn't be! Either tell me what I want to know, or give me back my Kimmunicator so I can leave!”
For a long moment, Shego just stared at her. Finally, she sighed and pulled the Kimmunicator from her pocket. “I guess we have nothing else to talk about, then.”
Furious, Kim strode forward and snatched the Kimmunicator from Shego's hand. She had only managed to turn around when Shego's arms locked around her throat and waist, holding her in place. “Let go of me!” Kim shouted, trying her best to break the hold as the Kimmunicator clattered to the floor.
Shego forced Kim's head farther back. “Look at me, Kimmie,” she said quietly. “Look into my eyes, and I'll let you go. Promise.”
At that point, Kim really didn't have much choice. Even then, something in her mind insisted that if Shego were going to hurt her, she wouldn't have bothered to be subtle or hesitant about it. And it wasn't as if Shego could manipulate her any further with just a look. So Kim stopped struggling and allowed Shego to tilt her head back even further, until their eyes met.
For several moments, there was nothing new to behold. Kim only saw the same intensity that she'd come to expect from Shego, no matter what the sitch. Certainly she'd been this close to Shego before, and occasionally even seen her upside-down as she was now, but never under quite these circumstances. All the same, she wasn't sure what it was that Shego wanted, expected, or even needed her to see.
But just when Kim was thinking about complaining of the strain on her neck, she saw something that made her blood run cold. Perhaps she had only imagined it, and perhaps it was just elementary science coming back to haunt her at the strangest time. Whatever it was, it shook her to the core.
As she stared into Shego's eyes, Kim Possible saw herself. Not a reflection, but her actual self, staring right back at her with the most forlorn expression imaginable. That was how she knew it was no reflection, because as Kim took this in, she knew the look on her face was one of complete and utter terror.
Because if Shego was right, and they really had been a single person once, what was to stop them from becoming one again? Maybe that was even why Shego had invited her here: to reclaim her other half. But Kim wasn't ready, would never be ready, to give up her entire life, even if it meant repairing what she now sensed was broken inside Shego. It was just too much to ask, even of someone as selfless as Kim. There were things she was ready to give without a second thought, but her whole existence was not on the list. At least, not this time.
Shego, however, had no intention of becoming whole that night. How could she, when she still didn't know exactly how they'd come apart? This wasn't something she was willing to meddle with, at least not yet. She had spent all this time apart from Kimmie, and she wasn't going to risk losing either of them in a misguided attempt to fuse their bodies.
On the other hand, there was no reason not to strengthen the connection between. In the long term, that could only help, as far as Shego was concerned.
The first order of business, however, was to get that shocked look off of Kimmie's face.
Shego let the arm around Kim's neck fall away, adding it to the tight hold on her waist. There was no response, so she wet her lips and placed them beside the girl's ear.
“Now that we understand each other,” Shego said softly, “I need you to do some things for me, Kimmie. First, I'm going to need you to keep this little talk, and everything you learned from it, to yourself. We can't have anyone thinking we're crazy and locking us up, can we? It would only complicate things. Well, more than they already are. You'll do that for me…for us…won't you?”
Kim's face was still frozen, but she managed to swallow and nod.
“Good girl. Now, the other thing.” Shego pulled out the black glove Kim had just returned to her, stretching it before continuing. “I'm going to need you to wear this for me.”
Kim's reaction was rather predictable. At the first sign of their two separate identities becoming one on any level, she let out a stifled cry and shook her head violently.
“Kimmie, I'm not asking,” Shego pointed out, slowly but firmly taking hold of Kim's right hand. “I'm telling you that every time you have a mission, you're going to wear this. Starting now.”
“No!” Kim pleaded in a tone so desperate that it surprised both of them. “Shego, I can't, please don't make me-”
“Kimmie,” Shego murmured in her ear. “Who is the older half here, hmm?”
At first, Kim didn't say anything. Finally, she shut her eyes tightly. “You are.”
“Good. And who knows more about us, huh?”
“…you do.”
“Right. And who is going to wear this glove from now on?”
Wordlessly, Kim pulled off the glove she was wearing and held up her pale, trembling right hand.
“Look at it this way,” Shego suggested as she pulled her glove over Kim's hand. “You bled all over it, so I wasn't going to keep it, anyway.” Satisfied with that lie, she went on. “I want you to look at it, every single time you're about to do something brave and foolish that could get you hurt or worse. I want you to look at it and think of when I pulled that dagger out of your leg.” She lowered her voice. “I want you to look at it, Kimmie, and think of the first time I knocked you on your ass. Because if you ever, and I mean EVER, let yourself die, I will find a way to hunt you down and make you regret it for the rest of your afterlife.”
From the look on Kim's face, she was definitely recalling that first time. “Can I go now?” she asked quietly.
“No. First, you're going to have some milk and store-bought chocolate chip. That's how we always got over big shocks. Then you'll go.”
And that was how it went. Shego sat Kim down and watched her eat five cookies, chasing each with half a glass of milk. Kim was so lost in her own thoughts that she almost walked out before Shego reminded her that she was missing something. Kim hadn't known what she meant, until Shego held out the Kimmunicator.
“Not that you'll need it,” Shego said as she handed it back, “but I did a retina scan on it earlier. Check it out if you want.”
“You must hate me,” Kim blurted out.
Shego blinked. “Say what?”
“That's why you kept fighting me, even after you knew, right? You were mad at me for…for abandoning you.”
Perhaps Shego would've been mad, if Kimmie had intentionally left her without a word, allowing Shego to think she was dead. But they both knew that wasn't the case.
“I fought you anyway because it was what we did best, Kimmie. It was always what we did best. I may have held a grudge for a while after the first time, but not because of something you had no memory of.” Shego reached out and lightly brushed her thumb against Kim's lips. “So no, I don't hate you. Tried it. Didn't work for me.”
“Oh,” was all Kim could think to say to that.
Shego brushed past her and went to stand by the window. “So. Now you can go.”
“Oh,” Kim said again. “Okay.” She didn't move.
“One foot in front of the other, Kimmie.”
“Right.” Kim hesitantly turned the door, but she felt her gaze being drawn back to Shego. “How did you…why did you…”
“Another time.” Shego suddenly sounded very tired, and oddly enough, old.
Kim did not quite understand the corresponding ache that made itself known in her heart just then, but she did know that it had a great deal to do with the woman in front of her. Taking a deep breath, she moved to stand by Shego's side, and found herself immensely relieved the instant she had done so. “Goodnight, Shego.” Without thinking, Kim lifted her head and pressed her lips briefly but tenderly against Shego's pale cheek. It did not immediately register in her mind that she wasn't quite tall enough to do so on her own.
“Go home, Kimmie,” Shego said, turning away.
Kim wanted to say something to make Shego not regret this meeting, but she doubted either of them was ready to hear and believe it. Instead, she merely walked away, trying the statement out in her thoughts, and wondering what Shego's reaction would've been.
She had little doubt that she'd get the chance to find out later, either way.
Endnotes: Just so people don’t get the wrong idea. There will be no couples in this story, because they would take away from the main plot, and because I feel there’s no need for them. That said, this fic is only Kigo in the sense that Shego and Kim were originally one person. While they will express some affection for each other along the way, if you’re expecting for Hot Lesbian Action, I’m afraid I’ve misled you. If you’ve ever seen one of those nerdy guys on TV turn his back on the camera and make out with himself, it’d be something like that…although admittedly less disturbing…and I daresay a bit more arousing. But I digress. In short, don’t read too much into the kiss. I have at least one series devoted to the Kigo pairing, but this ain’t it.