No.
No. She wouldn’t let her walk away. She had to let her know how she felt. After all this time keeping it bottled up inside, the feelings were finally coming to the surface. She had just found out that the other woman loved her. Now she realized that she loved her back. She had to let her know.
“Shego, wait!”
Kim ran out the bathroom door, tears and mascara combining to form a black river that streamed down her face, matching the color of her empty heart. In the background, a new song began to play. It started out with a high pitched sound, then moved into a drum solo that seemed to override the beats of Kim’s heart as the bass resounded in her chest. She searched for any signs of Shego in the crowd. Finding a tuft of raven-black hair and a brief view of pale skin, Kim decided it was now or never. She took off running just as the song broke into a guitar riff that shook her entire body, amplifying the intensity of the emotion and mirroring the grim resolve of her heart. She caught up to Shego and grabbed her shoulder. The green woman spun around to face her.
“What do you want?” the pale woman shouted over the deafening music. The lyrics of the song began and communicated the message that Kim was so desperately trying to articulate.
I am a little bit of loneliness, a little bit of disregard
Handful of complaints but I can’t help the fact that everyone can see these scars
I am what I want you to want, what I want you to feel
But it's like no matter what I do, I can't convince you to just believe this is real
So I let go, watching you, turn your back like you always do
Face away and pretend that I'm not
But I'll be here ‘cause you're all that I got
“Well Princess, what do you want?” Shego repeated, noting the intensity that burned in the eyes of the younger woman. She had tried to push Kim away, but the redhead was here to show Shego that she wasn’t going anywhere. It felt frustrating, but at the same time it reminded Shego of exactly why she loved this woman who now stood before her in her trademark defiance, refusing to let her fate be decided by another.
For now, Kim did not speak, letting the song do all the talking. It was almost as if the song had been written by Kim herself. The simple yet complex emotion expressed in the short yet all-encompassing words were the perfect expression of the situation. This was not time for silly bickering. This needed to be resolved right now. She needed to let Shego know that she loved her, that she would not be treated like a child who didn’t have a right to make her own mistakes, that she wasn’t going anywhere. She opened her mouth to speak just as the song broke into chorus.
I can't feel the way I did before
Don't turn your back on me
I won't be ignored
Time won't heal this damage anymore
Don't turn your back on me
I won't be ignored
“Don’t walk away from me while I still have something to say!” Kim shouted the words at the top of her lungs, but due to the volume of the music it could only be heard between the two women. “That’s what you always do! You think that you can solve your problems by running away from them! Well you’re not going to run away from me! Not this time!”
I am a little bit insecure, a little unconfident
Cause you don't understand I do what I can but sometimes I don't make sense
I am what you never wanna say, but I've never had a doubt
It's like no matter what I do I can't convince you for once just to hear me out
So I let go watching you turn your back like you always do
Face away and pretend that I'm not
But I'll be here ‘cause you're all that I've got
“Okay Princess, what do you have to say?” Shego responded. “Are you gonna try and convince yourself and me that this is still just some fling and you can continue to use me to satisfy yourself? It can’t be like that, and you know it! This is the only way to do this! You have to let me go!” She tried to walk away, but Kim grabbed her arm.
“You think you can just forget about what happened by running away?” Kim screamed. “You think that everything will just magically work itself out if you’re not around? You’re too deep in this to back out now! You need to stay and work this out!”
“What if I don’t want to?” Shego yelled back. “What if it just hurts too much and I can’t bring myself to face you after everything I’ve done? The only thing that will make this right is if I get out of your life! I don’t give a fuck what happens to me! My life is over! But you have so much ahead of you and the longer I stay with you the more of I take away and replace with my own shit! I’m turning you into everything I’ve ever hated! All because I’m too fucked up to love you!”
I can't feel the way I did before
Don't turn your back on me
I won't be ignored
Time won't heal this damage anymore
Don't turn your back on me
I won't be ignored
“The hell you are!” Kim screeched. “All my life, I’ve been looking for someone who accepts me for who I am! I found that in Ron, and when he died, I had nothing! But then you came along and treated me as an equal! You made me feel like I did when I was with Ron! I thought I had lost everything, but I found it in you! And I’m not going to let you take it all away again! I’ll die if you leave me!” She paused to catch her breath as the song broke into screaming that mirrored Kim’s straightforward resolve in its profound simplicity.
No
Hear me out now
You're gonna listen to me like it or not
Right now
Hear me out now
You're gonna listen to me like it or not
Right now
“You think that by leaving me, everything will just go back to the way it was?” Kim continued as an obsidian river streamed down her cheeks. She retained her death grip on Shego’s arm, refusing to let go as it would mean losing all that she had. “Well it won’t! I damn near killed myself when Ron died because I lost everything that I ever cared about. Now I’ve found it in you and if I lose it again there will be nothing to stop me! I need you! I want you more than anybody in the world right now! Not just physically, not just sexually, not just mentally, not just emotionally but all of the above! You complete me like only Ron could! If you go I’ll have nothing left!”
“So what are you trying to say, Princess?” Shego yelled back, leaning in so that their faces were mere inches apart. \
“That I love you too!”
I can't feel the way I did before
Don't turn your back on me
I won't be ignored
This took the green woman by complete surprise. She backed up as much as Kim’s surprisingly strong arm would allow, to stunned for words. Like Kim had done just minutes before, Shego opened her mouth to speak as the instruments stopped for just a moment and only the words remained
“What?” she asked quietly before the instruments once again overwhelmed her ears and traveled through her entire body, shaking her to the core.
I can't feel the way I did before
Don't turn your back on me
I won't be ignored
Time won't heal this damage anymore
Don't turn your back on me
I won't be ignored
Kim said nothing but instead pressed her lips to Shego’s in an attempt to communicate what mere words could not express. She put all of her thoughts, her words, her indescribable emotions, her love into that one kiss. It was deeper than anything either of them had felt. Now that the feelings were all on the surface there was nothing to hold back and instead the emotions came forth like a volcanic eruption, kept under pressure for so many years but now finally coming to the surface where they met sweet release at the place where their lips converged. Shego put all of her feelings into the kiss as well and it became a struggle for dominance, each woman trying to communicate her message by overpowering the other. If there had not been so many people around, they would have done each other right then and there.
I can't feel
Don't turn your back on me
I won't be ignored
Time won't heal
Don't turn your back on me
I won't be ignored
The two women made their way back into the bathroom as their passion blazed with an intensity that it had never before reached. They needed each other, not to satisfy their own desires, but to show each other the depths of their love. It became about pleasing the other person, not themselves, and their hearts were burning hotter than they ever had before. Kim barely found enough composure to lock the door before the two women made their way over to a stall. Kim pushed Shego into the stall, then, growling like the animal she was, followed her in.
I typed this when I was in a really bad mood, and it proved to be a very cathartic experience. I took no breaks so that I could just channel the raw emotion that I felt and put it into written form. It was a great stress reliever, and I hope you all enjoy the emotional effect that I can deliver when it mirrors my own feelings. I channeled all the rage that I felt at not being appreciated or respected by my friends and family and put it into Kim, and I think the result is very powerful. I’m going to take a more relaxed approach to the next chapter since I want it to be a little longer, but it feels great to get all that emotion off my chest. I think that’s why I enjoy writing so much. It allows me to take whatever I’m feeling and put it into words, which somehow makes me feel better. It’s a very good release, and I hope you all enjoy the finished product. This is the last in this sequence of song chapters, but there will be another three songs by Linkin Park starting in Chapter 14 and extending through the epilogue. I plan to integrate them into much longer chapters, so the raw intensity you see here will be watered down a bit. I look forward to writing those chapters. Please read and review. No flames, please.
beeftony