To say Shego was drunk was like saying that fires where hot, or that standing next to an exploding nuclear device was bad. It was a complete understatement.
She was leaning against the doorframe as she struggled to down another gulp from the bottle in her hand when Anne had walked in.
“’Immie? Ish ‘at shhooo?”
Needless to say sloshed had nothing on the pale woman as Anne tried to figure out where the liquor had come from. “No Shego…I’m Anne, Kim’s mother.”
“’At an’t ee wight….shoo look shlike ‘Immie an’ ‘verying!”
Anne stopped trying to reason with the woman and took the bottle, which was empty, from Shego. The drunk through her arms around the red head and held her close. “Shhhyy ‘ove shoo ‘Immie.”
Anne tensed, a hug was one thing, but Shego was confessing feelings to the wrong person. Adjusting to the thought of her daughter loving the vagrant had been one thing, though it was hard to consider her a homeless wanderer with the sense of pride and honor the woman projected about herself. But to consider the woman loving her daughter was different some how. It was hard for Anne to understand why, but it was.
Her thoughts were interrupted as a nose tenderly rubbed against her neck. Regardless if they were drunk or not it was not something Anne wanted to experience from a fellow female. Shego landed hard on her backside as she was pushed away.
“’Ats ‘ong ‘Immie?”
Anne decided to play along with Shego’s confusion, mostly to simplify things. “Not right now, okay? I’ve got a headache.” It was only partially a lie. The day at work had been stressful with an emergency room visit from hell thanks to a drunk driver with no seat belt. Then to come to a drunk woman who was convinced you were your own daughter had caused the pounding to come back.
“Maybe you should sleep…”
Shego looked like she was going to cry at the suggestion, “Noooo…I isshed’ shoo ‘Ump’in….I wasssh ‘orried…”
Anne sighed, “Movie then?”
The two snuggled up on the couch, only, at least in Anne’s mind, to keep the intoxicated woman happy. Being too short to lay behind the other woman had distressed the brain surgeon, and she reluctantly was on the receiving end of a spooning.
As it turned out Anne’s suggestion for a movie had been a rash one, as it seemed to be a complete day devoted to chick flicks. Every movie station was showing some form of a chick flick, even the action packed channels seemed to be aligned against her. Her relief was almost noticeable as she spotted a movie famous for its violence.
Slasher Street Six was playing as part of an all day Slasher Street marathon, featuring all eleven of the movies.
Unfortunately for Anne, Shego had always considered a good violent movie quality entertainment, and only snuggled in closer, her arms wrapped around the older woman’s middle.
Sometime during the movie Shego’s hand had wandered, and found itself sitting on a curving part of the older woman’s chest. Anne didn’t notice though as the movie drew her in. She had never been one for violent movies, but this one was complicated. The horror scenes had literally made her jump in her seat, and she had tried to hide behind some of Shego’s hair as the villain made his slow, blood soaked entrance.
To her horror the movie didn’t end with the heroes winning, but with the last one being brutally murdered, and his blood being used to write a famous line from Plato on the wall.
Only the dead have seen the end of war.
Anne shuddered as the credits rolled and realized two things, one was that Shego was snoring; the second was she was being groped.
She attempted to pry the hand off of her chest, but had curled around her bra through her scrubs.
“Girl’s night?” It was James.
Anne looked up helplessly, “More like Drunk Shego night. She thought I was Kim, and the only way to get her to not hit on me was to watch a movie.”
“Looks like that plan failed.” James smirked teasingly. He was comfortable with what happened around the house. Growing up he had always been the sensitive child, something he masked with teasing later in life, and that led to him being an understanding person. Well save for his Kimmicub and her dating boys. “Either way, you’re safe for the night. The twins are over at the Johnson’s for the night, and I personally have some work that I need to catch up on anyways.”
Anne’s eye’s pleaded for her husband’s help, but he had nothing to offer in the way of help. Untangling women had never been a strong point of his, and doing so when one was drunk just seemed like a bad time to practice. “Honey, you’re on your own this time. Sorry.”
Anne sighed and considered using The Pout, but decided against it. She had sworn off using The Pout when she had married James, and had lived nearly twenty years without needing to use it once. Calling it out of retirement for something so selfishly simple seemed uncalled for.
“If I don’t make it to bed because of this, I love you honey.”
Shego’s drunken slur emanated from behind Anne, who blushed, “I ‘ove shoo too ‘Rincessss…”
James chuckled, “I could always get the camera and record this moment as proof to why Shego shouldn’t be allowed to drink.”
Anne glared at him, “Knowing you it’d be your reason to why women should drink more often.” She ignored the set of twitching fingers on her chest, “Besides, I could always email your brother for a copy of your bachelor’s party. If I remember correctly the story goes that you got drunk and started giving everyone ‘horsy rides’ while wearing real reigns with a bit.”
James paled, “Point taken. This event officially never happened. I never saw Shego drunkenly groping my wife, nor did I offer to video tape it.”
“Good boy.”
James walked out of the room rather quickly after that.
That still left Anne with one problem, the inebriated woman attached to her chest. She considered her options carefully, before nudging the other woman, and rolling towards the guilty limb.
The outcome was still a surprise though as a set of lips fiercely attached themselves to Anne’s. Anne pushed away and fell of the couch, trying to get the taste of alcohol back out of her mouth. Shego looked still very drunk and now very guilty.
“Shego….let’s make a little rule…okay?”
“M’kay ‘Immie.”
Anne chose her words carefully to match something Kim would say, hoping the words would stick better in the other woman’s fuzzy mind. “No PDA when you’re drunk, got it?”
“’At about ‘Rivate Displays of Affection ‘Rincess?” The woman’s slur was getting better.
“No affection when your drunk, got it?”
A meek nod told Anne it was safe, “Good…now you go back to sleep. I’m going to make some coffee…how do you like it?”
“Strong ‘nough to chew.”
Anne blinked, the request had reminded her of a room mate she had in college, but the idea was chased off as Shego started snoring again.
Shego’s head was pounding.
Actually that was a lie. It had felt as if someone was tunneling the Brooklyn Tunnel through her skull with dynamite. On the coffee table in front of her was a cup of steaming coffee. Strangely enough it looked strong enough to be used to suspend cars to the ceiling. It was the kind of coffee she had when she was hung over.
But you had to drink to get hung over, and she didn’t remember drinking.
“Shego quit staring at the cup. I know that look. I invented that look in Med School. You were drunk off your ass.” Anne was sitting in the chair near the couch Shego was sprawled across.
“But…”
“Young lady, you drank a liter of vodka, STRAIGHT no less. You’re lucky you liver didn’t burst out of your body and leave you for that. Not to mention you were very confused.” Anne’s face went red.
Shego knew –that- look. She had invented it in high school. “What’d I do?” she groaned, grabbing the mug in front of her.
“You really want to know?”
Shego nodded between sips of the dark brew.
“In order, we have: confused me for Kim groped me in your sleep, and finally, this one I’m still trying to figure out why, kissed me.”
Shego winced, “Full on?”
“Let’s put it this way, my molars are clean.”
Shego looked away sheepishly, “Sorry about that…self control was never a strong point when I got drunk in the past.”
“…You kissed strangers?”
“More like carved my name into cars with my fingertips…”
Anne winced, “Only slightly worse than me…according to my best friend I had in college, I turn into a complete nympho who only goes for women.”
“And mine’s worse how?”
“I never carved up cars.”
Shego smirked, “You win this round Possible.” She sipped more of the coffee, the brew crawling down her throat with each sip.
“Yes, but you’ll be back, right?”
Shego couldn’t help but laugh, “Don’t tell me you’ve done the whole save the world bit too?”
“Kim does take pretty heavily after me.”
Shego stared, “Somehow that doesn’t seem as creepy as it should. I could see you running about in bellbottoms and a t-shirt fighting villains.”
“I’m not THAT old…yeesh…I had a midriff sweater anyways.”
Shego was impressed, “Obviously more fashion sense than my brother and those damned paneled cat suits.” She tried not to gag.
“You try explaining that to a devout Catholic.”
“Parents?”
“Just my mother. Thought I was into Satanism because of those midriff sweaters.”
Shego nodded, “Know the feeling. I nearly got confused by being part of some genetics extremism group because of that damned cat suit. Turns out they wore identical ones all the time. Frikkin’ cults.”
Anne smiled, “This is something I can handle now…”
“But me drunkenly hitting on you is not?”
“Reminds me too much of what I used to do.”
“Any proof of these so call incidents?”
Anne's cheeks blushed a little, “Oh…I may have kept some incriminating tapes from those days in a fire proof box in my closet.”
Shego smirked, “Sounds tempting.”
Anne frowned, “No ideas got that? Or I might have to warn Kim what happens when you’re drunk.”
Shego nodded meekly, “Any news where she is yet?”
“Wade has it narrowed down to downtown Toronto. He’s thinking the hiding place might be a rental lair, Drakken’s lair, or god knows what else. Regardless the two were last seen there. He’s doing what he can to narrow it down for us before we go.”
“Good…makes finding that little jerk easier.”
Anne didn’t argue. There really wasn’t a need to argue when you agreed with the statement.
Author’s Notes: And now we have the first documented case of Ango! XD
Chapter Twelve is a KP related update, mostly to fill in on her POV and the like. R+R is greatly encouraged!