…I still cannot believe how good her lips felt.
(Present)
“I feel like I should wash my mouth out,” Shego remarked while making a face to show that she was repulsed by the words on the page.
“Unbelievable,” Kim muttered. She could not think of anything else to say. What else was there to say after seeing such words?
The pair could not believe what they were reading and they were reacting to the news that the women they shared names with had shared a kiss. They were acting completely disgusted as well as shocked, even though they were mostly just shocked. They were acting so nauseated because they thought that it was the proper thing to do when hated enemies found out that their ancestors shared a lesbian moment. They were not as repulsed as they would like the other to believe, though.
“Maybe…maybe…maybe…” Kim was searching for an excuse as to why their answers might have kissed, but nothing was coming to mind. It was not like she could suggest Doctor Kimberly was giving Sheshona mouth-to-mouth because the book specifically stated that it was a kiss. “Maybe a kiss meant something different back then,” the hero finally came up with something.
“Could you be a little more lame?” the super-powered villainess remarked. “What different meaning could a kiss have, huh?” she inquired.
“Well, I don’t hear you coming up with any explanations as to what happened,” the redhead pointed out.
“At least I’m not coming up with dumb explanations,” Shego countered.
“You’re not coming up with anything at all, which is worse,” Kim stated.
“I thought you Possibles were all about being professional!” Shego hollered at her hostess.
“We’re only human!” was the only thing that Kim could retort with.
“Still!” was the pale woman’s brilliant riposte. If they were not so worked up, they would have realized just how pitiful their snaps were.
“Wait, why are we yelling at each other?” Kim asked. “It’s not like it even matters,” she pointed out.
“I suppose,” the elder female conceded. “It’s just weird,” she commented. She supposed that because it was so bizarre was the reason that she and Kim were barking at each other, even though it did not make any sense to bellow at each other.
Kim nodded; it was very weird. It was made even weirder by a fact that the pair were fighting against acknowledging. They were getting rather comfortable with each other and now they had to find out that they had ancestors that kissed each other. The incident sort of made things more awkward than they already were between Kim and Shego and, man, were things getting awkward between them.
“Should we keep going or call it a night here?” Shego asked since it was close to being the time that Kim dropped off.
“Well, actually I want to know what happened after the kiss,” the petite adventurer replied. She was curious and a bit scared. What if their ancestors did more than just share one lesbian moment? That would make things even more ill-at-ease between her and Shego.
“I wouldn’t mind knowing too,” the pale woman commented, even if it meant affirming what she believed their ancestors did.
“Let’s keep going then,” the redhead practically cheered. Her guest nodded in agreement and they turned their attention back to the pages before them.
…Once I realized the line I had crossed, I think I wept on her. I do not truly recall what happened after my brain retook control of my being, but I am almost certain that I cried on her and she did not seem to mind. Well, she did not snap at me or say anything hurtful. I think she might have even held me, but I doubt that I will ever be sure.
What I did was so very wrong, especially since I do love my husband very dearly. I feel nothing for Sheshona beyond friendship, which might even be too much since she is my patient. I love my husband, though. That kiss meant nothing at all. It was merely an accident. I love my husband. I do love my husband. I swear that I love my husband.
(1855)
Having the doctor weeping in her arms plagued Sheshona just like everything else about the darling redhead. She tried to erase the memory of the doctor’s weight against her, but it seemed impossible to forget. She glanced down at her arms, picturing the physician there for a moment more than she liked. The body pressure, it had not aroused her, but it just felt so right. It felt right to just hold the troublesome redhead in a completely innocent manner; it was so new to her.
Piece of her brain was whispering how she wanted to hold the doctor again, preferably without the tears being involved. She did not want the moment to be marked with sadness, but just a calm peace. She just wanted to cuddle the smaller woman to her and enjoy the feel of their bodies being together. They did not have to do anything beyond snuggle together and she was willing to be that it would be a sublime moment. She then shook that thought away because it was not helping.
She sighed and rubbed her forehead in frustration. Things were not going according to plan and she truly disliked that. She was not in control of the situation and that was never a fun thing. Everything that happened to her, she was always in control. Even when her father thought that he had everything in hand, like chaining her up and dumping her in the institution, she just let him because it would get her away from him and her brother for a while.
She put up a decent fight whenever her father wanted to toss her some place, but she preferred being anywhere as long as it was away from him. She put a struggle because she would hate for her father to think that she was complying with something that he thought of. She typically camped out at the hospitals that he left her for a week or so and then she skipped town for a month or so; however long it took for her father to show up and ruin things for her, dragging her back to their unhappy home mostly because she felt it would be nice to go find new playthings somewhere she could embarrass her father. The world was under her control, but she could not control what was happening with the doctor.
Her dear little doctor, how she wished that she just loathed that woman. If she totally detested Kimberly, everything would be so much easier. She would be able to have her way with Kimberly and never think about it again; she certainly would not be thinking about the doctor now, except for in a licentious manner. But, that was only if she detested the redhead and she certainly did not hate her doctor. She was not sure what she felt, but she did dislike the emotions that had invaded her body because they were assisting her in losing control of the situation.
“What have you done to me, doc?” Sheshona asked the air with a sigh. She rubbed her forehead again as if that was doing anything for her current predicament.
She wondered if Kimberly was all right now. Was she still overwrought and crying? Did she have a shoulder to weep on at home? She actually hoped not. She did not care how cold it sounded that she hoped that her doctor did not have someone to lean on, but that was her wish. She wanted to be the one that Kimberly could cry on, the only one. She wanted to be the only person that Kimberly needed. She wanted Kimberly to be able to depend solely on her, but she knew that was not going to happen and things were best that way.
She was not reliable, after all. She had horrible pleasures planned for her doctor that would merely ruin the little redheaded vixen. She was nothing more than force that would destroy things in her path if the things did not bend to her will. She could only destroy things and she would continue to do that, so it was best if Kimberly had someone better than she was in her home life.
“Why can’t I be better than I am?” Sheshona asked herself, but she had no answers to offer herself.
…I sit here, panicking well after midnight and writing by dim candlelight to avoid drawing attention to myself. I do not wish to wake my husband for surely he will think it odd of me to be writing so frantically so late. I have been behaving like a nervous cat on a hot tin roof all of day. My beloved husband probably thinks I have lost whatever mind he thought I had.
I came in from the hospital and attempted to lavish affection on my dearest husband. It seemed like such a brilliant idea to my mind. A wife should be very affectionate to her husband anyway, correct? Well, it is what I thought and I made the attempt to be that, but not for the same reasons as other wives more than likely. I moved to kiss him with the hope of getting the feel of her lips from mine, but he shunned me for so long. He had no idea how much it tormented me for him to not give in.
He is not quite the loving man it seems. I do not mean that in any terrible way. I suppose I never noticed as I did not have a need for much of his affection, physically speaking anyway. I suppose that he and I were the same toward each other and that is why I never noticed that he was not much for physical affection.
He is rather focused on many other things aside for me almost always and I always noticed that since we were little. He would always focus on something that he was tinkering with, even if I were around when we were younger and he rarely noticed me until he was done and I was always the first person that he proudly displayed his newest toy to. I used to feel very honored by that. I would probably still feel that way if he thought to show me things, but now he has our son for that.
His cup of tea and work were more important tonight than I was, but he eventually gave into kissing me, but only to dismiss me as I had desperately begged him for one kiss. It was possible that he viewed me as being a busy bee to him tonight.
I feared the kiss and with good reason. It was nothing like hers! At first, he merely kissed my forehead, which I did not compare to hers for there was nothing to compare. When he finally touched my lips with his own, it was like kissing a wall. It was almost as if it was a chore for him and it was then I realized that was how it always was. He always kissed me as if I were a wooden plank. It was as if it was a burden for him to be affectionate with me. Needless to say, he did not help ease my mind.
If anything, my husband has made things worse for me. I thought that if his kiss was something close to hers, then I would be able to forget her. I would have his kisses and have no need for her. Now, I believe that she will forever be on my mind. The feel of her lips shall always be on mine and I think that because I can still feel her kiss even now, as if it just happened a second ago. What shall I do?
(Present)
“I can see where this is going,” Shego muttered to herself.
A picture was forming for the villainess, but to her, it still did not explain why the journal was in her old family home so far. She did wonder if at some point her ancestor and that doctor dared to cohabitant and that was how the journal came to the Go home. She doubted that happened, though; well, she wanted to doubt that that happened. She was glad that she could not rationalize why her ancestor would cohabitant with the doctor or she would have sat there all night trying to explain that reason away.
The pale woman was going to ask Kim what her opinion was, but as expected, Kim was nodding off. The petite redhead could not seem to last once she got some homemade food in her system. She was leaning against Shego’s shoulder with her eyes only half-closed. The raven-haired female stared at the girl as she went from drifting off to being knocked cold on Shego yet again.
“Kimmie, you trust me too much too quickly,” Shego mumbled, but Kim did not seem to hear her.
The green-skinned woman did not have a problem with Kim trusting her. She did not mean the kid any harm, especially when they were not on the clock. Not that she meant Kim any real harm when they were at work either. If she wanted to, she could have crippled Kim every time that they faced off, but she had no desire to do something like that. All she wanted was someone to practice against and Kim was a good sparring partner, even though they were on two completely different levels. She needed a reminder of how she should fight too and she always took things away when she battled with Kim. Plus, she enjoyed going at it with the redhead.
Shego always found herself refocused after fighting with Kim. The girl’s determination and drive always got to her. Kim reminded her of the things that she would need to do when she finally challenged her mother. She compared herself to Kim most of the time that they fought because she felt that when she fought her mother it would be the same imbalance. She was going to have to wing it like Kim needed to do and she was going to have to be determined to take her mother down. She was never going to give up, just like Kim and she was certain that she would prevail, just like Kim.
“Who would’ve thought I need to be like you?” Shego remarked while glancing down at the redhead, who was definitely out for the night. Her eyes were completely closed and she was snoring very lightly.
The pale woman closed the journal for the night and gathered Kim into her arms. She carried the redhead to her bedroom and laid her down; it was starting to become an odd habit. She put a pillow under Kim’s head like before and then looked at how comfortable the girl seemed to be. She wished that she could just fall into bed, but she had to take the trip home. She offered herself a solution to that one. She wrote Kim a note, “come to my place tomorrow.” She believed Kim to be resourceful enough to find her home just like she found Kim’s without having the draw the girl a map. It was a good assumption.
Kim easily found out where her foe lived and went to meet up with the villainess when her day was done. She did not break into Shego’s home like Shego continued to do with her. She knocked on the door and waited for the apartment owner to answer. It took Shego a few seconds, almost a whole minute actually, to get the door. She was not accustomed to people knocking on her door. She really was not used to people at her home at all. Her mother showed up on occasion, but her mother tended to let herself in; and people actually wondered where she got it from.
“Hey, Princess. Come on in,” Shego said while motioning into her home.
“Hey,” Kim replied as she entered the apartment and was assaulted by the very pleasant scent of lavender. She would have thought that Shego’s home would smell of fire and brimstone, but nope, it was lavender.
The redheaded hero looked around Shego’s dwelling. There were a few paintings on the walls, but no photos at all. Kim suspected that the paintings were stolen, but she did not say anything on the matter. She did not see the point in addressing if the art was stolen because it was not like she would be able to talk Shego into returning anything. There was also the chance that the art was not stolen and if she said anything, she would just end up looking like a jerk, which would be very embarrassing.
The floor around the door and in the kitchen was fine, polished hardwood without a speck of dirt or dust anywhere. The walls were light green, which did not surprise Kim since it seemed that Shego’s favorite color was green. Kim could not knock the older woman considering the fact that her walls were a light pink.
There was a black leather sofa and loveseat in the living room along with a matching coffee table that had short legs. A few magazines marred the table, but they were stacked almost perfectly. The whole place was close to immaculate. Was Shego a neat freak at heart? Now, that would be a big surprise.
“Take your shoes off,” Shego ordered when she noticed that Kim was about to wander onto her living room carpet with her shoes on.
“Oh, sorry,” Kim apologized and she stepped out of her slip-on canvas sneakers.
“Do you want anything?” the pale woman inquired.
“Like?” the redhead countered.
“Well, I don’t have as much soda, pop-tarts, donuts, brownies, potato chips, or frozen waffles as you do, but I’ve got some fruit if you want any,” Shego remarked.
The moss-hued thief typically tried to maintain a good diet, but she slipped a lot, mostly because she had a love for beer and she would eat junk food if it was there. She was starting to believe that Kim was so hyper because her cupboards were stocked full of sugary, gooey, sweet things that would undoubtedly rot her teeth sooner or later. Kim doubted that was why she always had so much energy; she had always been energetic.
“No, I’m good,” the younger female answered on the offer of fruit.
“I’m not going to poison you,” Shego pointed out.
“You think I don’t know that?” Kim countered. She trusted Shego to cook and she ate whatever the super-powered female prepared like it was the best meal she had had in a long time; it always was. She never once thought that Shego would poison her and she did not want the pale woman to think that the idea ever came to mind. “That’s not really your style anyway,” Kim commented.
Shego only smirked because she knew that Kim never let the idea of poison enter her head; not with the way the girl put away her dinners. She had a pretty good idea of just how deeply Kim trusted her. Maybe her idea was better than Kim’s since the slender adventurer had never even thought about it.
The pair went to the sofa and Shego grabbed the journal, so that they could get to just what they wanted to. They cracked the book open and went back to freak out over what they knew was going on, but they refused to acknowledge out loud. Maybe they figured that the things that had gone on could only be real if they spoke on the matters.
…Should I resign myself to this fate? I feel nothing at all when I kiss my husband, whom I believed I loved with all of my heart. It seems clear to me now that I never knew what love was, not between lovers anyway. Perhaps I love him as I always have, as a friend, like my other friends; he is probably the same as I am. After all, he and I have always behaved almost the same to each other, so he probably does feel the same as I do.
I will admit, now that I consider it, I feel no passion for him or with him. I never have. I never thought anything of the matter because I did not really know what passion was, but now I do because I have felt passion.
The flame was ignited by the very wrong person and I doubt that she will stop. She wants me and she shall continue on. So, should I resign myself to my fate? Shall I give into the devil I have seen in her eyes? Shall I allow a demon to be awoken inside of me?
(1855)
Sheshona made her way to her doctor’s office for their daily session. She wanted to see Kimberly, but at the same time, she did not want to see the doctor. She was so confused about everything that was going on in her body and through her mind. She hated emotions so much; they complicated everything. The doctor gave her too many emotions, more than anyone else and way too many for her to know how to deal with them. She disliked it, but she could not turn away. It was like Kimberly was a magnet and she was the opposite end.
She marched to the office and saw the redhead sitting at her desk, looking rather distressed. Sheshona felt her heart clench in her chest, feeling a ping of agony because of the look on Kimberly’s face. It hurt her to know that she was more than likely the reason Kimberly appeared ready to burst into tears. She wished that she could never be the reason for the redhead to look at as she did, so wounded, like a rabbit whose legs had already been gnawed off and a fox was right there waiting.
Kimberly was so injured, not just because of the moment that she shared with her patient, but because of the realization that she last night. She did not love her husband as a wife should love a husband and she never had. He was her friend; she loved him as a friend and her kiss with Sheshona opened her eyes to that fact. She had never felt a spark in a kiss until the pale woman came along.
She could have lived blissfully ignorant if it was not for Sheshona, but she did not like that thought anymore than she liked the truth of the whole matter. She wanted to be true to herself, but she seemed to have a demon in her because she was wrong. She was even considering giving into the devil that beckoned her. So many overwhelming things were happening so quickly.
“Hey, doc,” Sheshona said in low voice, causing the doctor to jump in surprise. She had strolled over to the desk undetected. She moved like phantom sometimes in her physician’s opinion.
“Sheshona!” Kim yelped from her shock; her patient was looming over her like a dark cloud. “Is it time already?” she asked in a tired tone.
“It is,” Sheshona replied. “Are you all right, doc?” she inquired, trying her best to sound disinterested. It was a difficult thing to do considering she had asked a question that illustrated her concern and the doctor could tell that she was worried from the look in her emerald eyes.
“Fine,” Kimberly answered while glancing away.
“That’s untrue,” Sheshona commented while leaning down to be on level with the redhead. She put a hand to the doctor’s cheek and was pleased that the redhead did not pull away. She gently caressed Kimberly’s cheek and a tear escaped the physician’s eye.
“It is,” the redhead easily conceded in a sorrowful tone. She was not fine and she might never be fine again.
“Tell me how I can make it true,” Sheshona requested in a whisper, her lips tantalizingly close to Kimberly’s mouth.
“Love me like no other has or will,” Kimberly replied. She wanted to be loved by the woman in front of her like she knew she loved Sheshona, as horrible as that seemed to her. She just could not help it and she did not know what she should do about it, what she could do about it.
“I will,” the pale woman vowed and she tenderly kissed her dearest doctor.
…I already know that I am damned.
Next time: the rating goes up.