Kim felt exhausted. It had been only a couple days, but ever since she received confirmation about Ron’s death, she just felt tired. No matter how much sleep she got, she always wanted more. If her mother hadn’t pushed her to get up and move around, Kim might just have remained in her bed not doing anything other than lying there, staring at the ceiling when she wasn’t sleeping. As it was, Kim hadn’t changed her clothes since she had last talked with Wade. So she was still in her mission gear. The only good part about these chain of events, not that she much cared about right now, was that the tweebs hadn’t done anything to her or even attempted to do anything. Kim wondered if she would really have cared if they had.
Kim still wondered about who sent her that letter. Whoever it was had to know where she lived as well as been someone that had been at the Smarty Mart when she ran out. However, Kim couldn’t remember anyone that would be familiar, since that was another part of it that Kim didn’t understand. Who did she know that could possibly care about her, but be unwilling to let her know? The only person that Kim could think of at the moment was someone that she was CERTAIN it could not possibly be. Bonnie. Kim wondered again if she should try to find out.
Kim pushed that idea away for later as she finished her cereal. Right now that’s been pretty much all she’d been eating. Mostly because Kim always went back up to her room and either slept or laid on her bed. Then when someone would come up to try to get her down for lunch or dinner and Kim was awake, she would do her best to pretend to be asleep. She didn’t know if they thought she was asleep of not, she only knew that they didn’t try to bother her or anything. They just left when she didn’t respond to them asking her to come down.
However, when Kim went back up to her room this time, she reached for her Kimmunicator. She turned it on, but only got static. Kim wasn’t surprised. Even Wade would want to keep his distance after this. But, Kim knew that she needed to talk with Wade. Even if it was just to thank him for doing something that she was certain had been hard enough to know, let alone tell the only other person that was really close to him. Kim went back downstairs and moved over to the phone. Everything still felt so surreal and Kim had to hang the phone up as she accidentally started to dial Ron’s number. After Kim recovered from the sudden burst of tears that caused, she picked the phone up and slowly, so as to not make any mistakes, began to dial Wade’s number.
The phone rang for a few moments before Wade’s mother answered. “Hello?”
“Hi, Mrs. Load?” Kim asked, still uncertain of whether or not she should actually be doing this.
“Oh, hi Kim. Are you feeling better?”
Kim actually felt a little better now that someone asked her that question. In fact Kim was somewhat surprised that none of her family asked that question, now that she thought about it. “Yeah, a little.”
“That’s good to hear.” A pause then, “Did you want to talk with Wade?”
Kim nodded even though she knew that Mrs. Load couldn’t see it. “Yeah. I just have a few things I need to ask him.”
“Sure, just let me get him.”
Kim waited patiently. Somehow she was starting to feel better by the moment. She couldn’t figure out why, but that’s how it was. After about a minute she heard the phone getting picked up on another end. “Hi, Kim?” Wade asked, sounding as uneasy as she felt.
“Hi, Wade,” Kim answered. “I’m sorry its taken me so long to say this, but thanks for letting me know about Ron.” Kim paused as she searched for what to say. “I mean, I know it had to be hard for you to just know what happened, and I wanted you to know that I’m grateful that you were willing to tell me when I’m sure you’d want to not say anything.”
Kim waited for a minute, then two, and the silence just continued, but Kim was determined to wait until Wade said something. She understood why he’d be taking so long to say something, because this wasn’t the usual conversation that normally occurred. Finally Kim heard Wade answer. “No problem, Kim,” Wade’s voice had become hoarse and cracked. Kim could tell that he was crying just by listening to him talk. “I’ll let you know more details about what happened at the funeral.”
“Huh?” Kim could feel her voice cracking as well, and was sure that she probably sounded hoarse as well.
“I’ve been asked to give his eulogy at the funeral since I was with Ron in his last minutes.”
“Oh, Wade,” Kim said, not really sure if she’d be able to do that if she was in Wade’s position.
“It’s okay Kim. I’ll be fine. This way I can keep my promise to Ron as well as let everyone know.”
“Wade, what are you talking about?” Kim was starting to feel a little uncomfortable. As well as a little afraid of what he was going to say.
“Ron asked me to let you know why he chose this.”
“What?” Kim interrupted, suddenly upset. More upset than she ever remembered being. “He could have left instead of dying?”
“Kim, calm down,” Wade said, hoping to keep Kim calm. But he might as well have tried to hold back the tide considering how much effect he had.
“Wade! He could have lived! He didn’t have to die!” Kim broke down in sobs as a new wave of heartbreak rushed over her. “He could… have…”
Kim sobbed for a while. She wasn’t sure how long, but she assumed that it was probably for a few minutes. Finally she heard Wade speak. “Kim. Ron knew what he was getting into. I tried talking him out of it. He told me that that’s what you would have done. And frankly, I’m sure he was right. You would have made the same decision.”
Kim didn’t respond. She tried, but she couldn’t seem to find her voice. So she just let herself continue to cry. Finally Wade broke the silence again. “Kim, I’ll see you at the funeral, okay?”
Kim nodded and barely made out a “Mm-hmm.”
Kim heard Wade hang up on the other end and could have sworn that there was another click before she hung up. Kim moved her thoughts on to what she would do next. She moved into the living room in a daze. Although the weekend just passed by, main reason she assumed that she hadn’t been pushed into getting out of the house already. Kim wondered if she should go to the address from the mystery letter just to see who sent it. Kim shook that idea out of her head. If she ever went there, it wouldn’t be just to find out who sent it. Whoever sent it, not only doesn’t want her to know right now, but also offered her to go there if she wanted to get away from others. Kim wasn’t going to go there unless she did want to get away.
The real problem was that she was feeling empty inside. However a few bits of her conversation with Wade came back to her. That he was going to give the eulogy at Ron’s funeral. When was it? Kim had no idea. Kim thought momentarily about calling Ron’s parents and asking them, but decided against it. She could do it later. Later when she was more sure of herself. And didn’t feel so… so… lost. Alone. Kim felt herself losing control again and the tears flowing. How many times had she cried over the past couple of days? Far too many for her likes. Kim thought again of the mystery letter. Maybe she would do best to get away from everyone. However, Kim knew that she wouldn’t do that. Not until after the funeral at least. She wanted to hear what Wade had to say. What were Ron’s last thoughts? Was there anything that he let Wade know that showed if he was scared at all? Kim wished she knew. However, Wade did say that Ron wanted her to know why. Why he chose to stay with the plane until it was too late for him. That was what she wanted to know most of all. Why did he do this to her? He would have certainly known how it would affect her. Maybe that’s why he wanted her to know why. To help her understand why he made that choice. Kim felt the tears stopping and again felt exhausted. She didn’t move anywhere, but just fell asleep on the couch. She was there when her father got back and didn’t even wake up when her father carried her up the stairs.
Over the next couple days, Kim went through school in a trance. She heard and said things that she couldn’t remember if her life depended on it. The world was mostly going on with it’s normal routine, while Kim was just watching it go by as if she wasn’t even a part of it. As if she was just a spectator. Not someone who had, until a few days ago, been an active participant in life. Even cheer practice passed before Kim even realized it. The only part she did remember during those couple days, was that they were going to hold Ron’s funeral on that Saturday. So she wouldn’t have to worry about missing school to attend. Kim didn’t care so much about school right now. She just wanted this whole ordeal to be over with. She had finally gained enough control over herself that she wouldn’t start crying without warning, but she still felt hollow on the inside, and keeping everyone at arms length was starting to eat away at her. She didn’t like it when people would come up and try to make her feel better. How could ANYONE think that they could make her feel better? All that was really happening was that they were trying to hide their own sorrow by helping Kim with HERS! Kim had mastered keeping a cheerful look to keep most people at bay, however Felix and Monique had seen right through her façade and tried to talk with her about it the Wednesday after Ron’s death. However, Kim wasn’t able to talk at the time, since that’s when they had to get to class.
“Kim! How about we talk after school, then?” Monique asked as they made their way to their separate classes.
“Sure,” Kim agreed, not really sure why she was agreeing at all. Seeing as how she just wanted to be left alone so she wouldn’t have to keep up this act that she was working so hard just to keep going.
The rest of the day was once again a blur to Kim. She thought that there was a test in there that she might have done, but again, she couldn’t remember. Regardless, Kim didn’t care. She could receive a failing grade and she still wouldn’t care. It just didn’t matter any more. Kim walked over to where she usually met Monique whenever they were going to get together for something and waited. Everyone was nearly gone when Kim finally gave up on waiting for Monique. So, she started to make her way to Bueno Nacho just to get something to eat. She had tried to go there Monday, but the problem that occurred was when she tried to go in, memories of times that she and Ron had spent together washed over her, leaving her crying her eyes out again. However, Kim knew that she wouldn’t have that happen again. She had put a firm clamp on that. As Kim arrived, she saw Felix and Monique waiting for her. “About time girl!” Monique said, obviously annoyed about something.
“What?” Kim asked, confused.
“We’ve been waiting her for you for over an hour!”
“But, I waited at where we usually meet up after school,” Kim protested.
“But I told you that we’d be waiting here!”
“I guess I didn’t hear you,” Kim answered, not really caring.
“It’s Kim,” Felix said, as if that explained everything, sounding supportive. “What matters is that you’re here now.” He then turned to Monique. “Right?”
“I guess,” Monique said, sounding as if she wanted to continue being upset with Kim.
“So, Kim, why have you been trying to hide your feelings?” Felix asked, getting straight to the point.
“Why shouldn’t I?” Kim asked, suddenly defensive. “I mean, I don’t want others trying to make me feel better when they don’t know how I’m really feeling. I just want to be left alone about it.”
“Ah, kind of like how Monique was feeling about her and me,” Felix replied.
“Felix! You promised!” Monique shrieked, looking petrified.
“Relax, Monique,” Felix soothed. “Last Thursday Kim and Ron saw us together. They’ve known about us of quite a while.”
Monique looked at Kim looking completely freaked out. “Y- you did?”
Kim nodded. “I just didn’t say anything directly because I knew that you’d let me know when you were ready. I guess, things didn’t work out for that to happen.”
Monique seemed to regain her composure a little. “And, you’re not upset?”
“Upset? Why would I be upset?” Kim asked, not understanding, but glad of the change of subject.
“Because I didn’t tell you at first, and then with how you kept trying to get me to tell you and I didn’t take the hint. Because…”
“No, I wasn’t upset.” Kim interrupted. “I was wondering why you were scared of saying anything, but I knew that whatever it was, it was important enough to try to keep even from me.” Kim paused then asked, “I’m just wondering why you didn’t want to tell me at first. I understand why you kept on not telling me, but I would like to know why you kept it from me in the first place.”
Monique sighed. “Okay, at first it was because I wasn’t sure about my feelings. I knew that he liked me, but I wasn’t sure if I liked him the same way. Then after a while, I realized that I liked him that way, and had liked him for a while. That’s when I started being afraid about how you’d react.”
“When did you first start going out?” Kim asked, wondering if she didn’t notice until a while after.
“Actually it was just right after Junior Prom,” Felix answered. “We might have gone to the Prom together, but I was too nervous to ask her. So, I decided to ask her out after the Prom, and hoped that my chances would be better.”
Kim smiled. Then they hadn’t been going out for very long before she had seen them. Kim turned to Monique. “And now, why did you think that you could keep it a secret?”
“Huh? Wh- what do you mean, Kim?” Monique asked, confusion showing clearly on her face.
“It’s just that even if I hadn’t seen the two of you together, I’d have known because the whole cheerleading squad knew about you two long before most of the school learned about it.”
Monique looked shocked. “Th- they all kn- knew?”
Kim sighed. It looks like Monique actually DID think that no one knew. “Yes, I think that there might have been only one or two people in the entire school that didn’t know about you two.”
“Kim, I think we’re getting off track here,” Felix cut in.
Kim scowled at Felix. Out of all the topics, she did not want to talk about THAT one. “Don’t worry about it. I’m feeling much better now,” Kim said, honestly.
“Really?” Monique said, raising one eyebrow.
“Really. I think all I really needed was to get my mind off of what happened,” Kim said, hoping that they wouldn’t realize that her mind would probably go back to focusing on Ron when she got home.
Monique regarded Kim skeptically, and finally nodded. “Okay. Just don’t do that again, okay?”
“Sure, I’ll try not to keep you guys at arms length,” Kim replied, wondering how much of that she actually meant.
After a while, Kim had eaten until she felt like she was going to burst, and made her way home. Kim kind of felt bad that she wasn’t going to keep her word to the only close friends that she had left, but wondered if anything would have changed if she had been honest with them. Felix would probably have given her the space that she needed, but Kim couldn’t be so sure about Monique. Monique seemed to think that all Kim needed was just a great, big hug and she’d feel all better. Kim wanted to hit her hard when she did that on Monday, but couldn’t bring herself to do it, since that’s when she broke down in tears for the first time at school.
When Kim got home, she was surprised to find another letter addressed to her. Since it had the same handwriting, Kim could tell that it was most likely from the same person. Kim took it up to her room so she could read it with some degree of privacy. This one read:
Kim,
Why are you doing this? I still don’t know why I care so much about you, or why I’m actually writing this, but I can’t stand by and watch you tear yourself up inside. You do realize that you can spend however much time you need at the address I’ve given you and you could go back to your home anytime, right? I guess that you’d at least want to go to the funeral for your friend before you try to take care of what you need, which I guess I can’t control. However, you need to stop making yourself act cheerful when you’re not. I’m not the only one who doesn’t like you looking that way. Your friends also seem to be hurting over how you’re keeping your own feelings bottled up like this.
I still don’t understand why I care like this, but the least you could do is take care of yourself for those who DO care about you. Even though the one that you loved is gone, the least you could do is start living again for his sake. I better stop now before I start making myself cry over this.
Sincerely,
Someone who still doesn’t know why they care so much.
Kim read and continuously re-read the letter, not understanding why she couldn’t figure out who was sending it to her. The address wasn’t one that she was familiar with, and Kim couldn’t figure out who would know her so well that they could do things like this. Before she even knew what she needed herself. The words in this letter made Kim realize that she needed to become cheerful in fact, and not just use being cheerful to hide what she was really feeling inside. Kim didn’t know why, but she was starting to feel somewhat close to the mystery sender.
Kim wondered if it was some sort of secret admirer. Kim discarded that idea quickly, since why would it be a secret admirer, when the person didn’t know why they cared in the first place. After all, wouldn’t a secret admirer be someone who knew full well why they liked the person? Kim shook her head and put this letter with the other one. Kim had had Wade make her a desk drawer with a false bottom that she could take out whenever she wanted and put things there that she wanted to keep private, and not have her brothers find out. As far as Kim knew, her brothers hadn’t found out about it, which is why Kim still used it.
Kim found herself spending the time until dinner wondering about who the mystery sender could be. However, when her mother came up to let her know that dinner was ready. Kim was surprised to find herself participating in dinner while still in such a daze. However, the daze she was in wasn’t because of her being upset about Ron, but rather wondering who could know her so well that would still be able to escape her notice. The only options that she could think of right now would be her foes. However, she couldn’t think of a reason why they would even begin to care. Maybe Senor Senior Senior or his son, but no one else would come to mind. Kim seriously doubted that they would be able to know her so well even if they did care.
“Kimmie, is something wrong?” Kim’s mother asked.
Kim looked at her and saw her eyes full of the love that she had grown accustomed to. Kim then looked away as she spoke. “I don’t know. I’ve been receiving these anonymous letters that I have no idea of who might be writing them.” She sighed. “Even the envelopes don’t have a name other than mine.”
“Is there anything you want us to do?”
Kim shook her head. “Not really. They’re letters from someone who says they care about me, even thought they don’t know why.” Kim paused and ate a bit of her dinner. Then finished what she was saying while staring at her plate. “I just wish that I knew who sent them.”
“Um, well, uh, never mind,” Jim said.
“What?” Kim asked, a little amused at her brother’s uncertainty. “Were you going to suggest that it was from a boy or something?”
“Uhhhhh, gotta go!” Jim and Tim said after looking at each other for a moment.
Kim watched her brothers race out of the room. After they were gone, Kim couldn’t help but let a little giggle out. James however, looked at his daughter skeptically. “Is it?” he asked after looking at her for a moment.
“No, dad,” Kim said quickly, knowing how her father could get when he thought of her with some guy that he didn’t know. Then she corrected herself after a moment’s consideration of what she said. “If it is, I don’t know who it could be. I’ve been trying to figure it out, but I just haven’t been able to.” She sighed. “I’d like to know, but I don’t think that I’ll be able to.”
“Why’s that, Kimmie-cub?”
“Well, because not only have they told me that they care about me, even though they don’t know why, they seem to know me as well as any of my friends.” Kim paused and leaned her head on the table, not really sure about her control over her emotions at the moment. “It’s like I’ve met this person before several times, but at the same time, that I never met them before.”
“That does sound like a problem,” her mother said, gently. Then after taking a drink from her glass, she continued, “But, I’m sure that whoever it is will let you know when they’re ready.”
Kim looked at her mother’s smiling face and couldn’t help but smile as well, albeit shyly. Just the main thing that she hadn’t let her mother know about is that this mystery person had already invited her over. Kim wasn’t sure about who sent it, but she knew that her mother would probably get upset if she knew about that little fact. However, Kim did feel a little better about everything. At least until the funeral.
Kim felt like the day was already conspiring against her as the day was bright and sunny. Even though she knew it was more than a little cliché, She would have like it to be raining, or overcast at the very least. Kim sighed. It was much too cheerful of a day to go to a funeral. It was almost as if the world was trying to keep her from feeling like she was where she was supposed to be.
Kim forced herself to get ready. She was already depressed all over again about Ron, but she couldn’t help but feel that she was forgetting something about that was either supposed to happen or was going to happen. And what was worse was that she couldn’t remember if she was supposed to do anything about it. Kim sighed again. Out of everything, Kim just wished that the day was over. Then she’d be able to do everything that she could to put this behind her. Yeah, she’d never forget Ron, but she didn’t want to have to deal with this anymore. She was tired of it all and just wanted to move on.
When Kim was ready, she made her way downstairs and had a light breakfast. She wouldn’t have had anything at all, but her mother wouldn’t let her. As it was, her mother would have preferred Kim to have eaten more than she did. Kim hardly even noticed anything as they made their way to where the funeral would take place.
Kim tried to keep to herself, but many of Ron’s friends were also her friends. The worst part is that everyone knew that Kim was one of the ones hurt most by Ron’s death. Kim just wished that they would leave her alone. She felt like they were suffocating her and it was everything that she could do to keep from screaming at everyone to leave her alone. Finally, the funeral had started and Kim was sitting near the front. She waited patiently as Wade made his way up front to give the eulogy. This was the only part that Kim really cared about. Because she couldn’t see Ron one last time, since all they had been able to recover was his skeleton and Kim didn’t want to have that in her mind when she remembered Ron. The fire had burned away everything else. Kim pushed her feelings down hard as she felt them start to rise and overwhelm her again.
Wade cleared his throat before he began. “My friends, I was asked to say some things about Ron, but I feel that anyone else would have done better. I only knew him as a member of Team Possible and I didn’t get involved in a lot of his personal problems.” Wade’s voice was quivering and Kim was wondering if he was going to need to stop to regain himself before he finished “I knew him as a friend, but I have to say that I didn’t know him much beyond that. He was a teammate to me, but not one that I really talked to all that often. Something that I wish I could have changed now.
“Ron was a good friend to those that cared to take the time and get to know him. One of the reasons why I was asked to speak was because I was with him in his last moments. All I can really say about that is the reason why he died is because he cared.” Kim felt like someone had hit her in the stomach. He died because he cared? What was that supposed to mean? “He could have gotten out of the airplane at any time before that and saved himself.” Wade shook his head. “He told me that he wasn’t going to leave until he was sure that it was going to crash where no one would get hurt. I tried to talk him out of it, but he refused, telling me that he needed to do it and wouldn’t be able to live with himself if he didn’t.” Kim felt her tears starting to break through the dam that she had built up to contain her emotions. She had completely forgotten about what Ron had made Wade promise to do, and she was suddenly remembering it. It threatened to drown her if it broke free from her control. “I even told him to leave when it was nearly certain to crash where we wanted it to, but he again refused and told me that he would wait until there would be no doubt that it wouldn’t hurt anyone.” Wade’s voice was starting to break now as it became more and more hoarse.
“He was fully resigned to his fate. He made me make a few promises that I’ve gladly kept. The first promise was to let his girlfriend, Kim, know why he was making the choice he did. The second was that I continue to talk with him until it was over.” Kim could see the tears flowing down Wade’s face. “I didn’t want him to do that, but I knew that I couldn’t leave him alone.” Wade paused, and Kim could see that he was thinking about something. Then he continued, more thoughtfully than before, “I think he was scared of being alone. That he would be all alone. I can’t help but wonder if some of the things that he did in life was to keep from feeling that way.” Kim was a little stunned. Ron had been afraid of being alone? It would explain a few things, but Kim was shocked that she hadn’t even realized any of that. “Again, Ron died because he cared. His last thoughts were of those that he loved dearly. I think that he wouldn’t have been able to live with himself if he felt that he let any of those down. He cared deeply for his friends and I’m sure any of us would have preferred to have died in his place.” Wade might have continued, but at that moment, he broke down in sobs and didn’t say anything else. His mother had to come up and escort him back to his seat before they were able to continue.
The rest of the services were almost a blur to Kim. She felt the words that Wade spoke sink deep into her. However, she was brought back to reality when she saw someone she recognized. And the presence of that person was something that she knew couldn’t be good. Gill. However it had happened, he was once again mutated and didn’t seem to be here to pay his respects. However, before she could do anything, Gill jumped at Ron’s casket and cried, “This is what you’re worth, Squeeb!”
Kim wanted to move. To do something, ANYTHING, to keep Gill from taking away from her, and those who had cared about Ron, the only thing they had left of him. However, she was rooted to the ground where she stood. Then before she realized it, Gill had been knocked away. It happened so fast that she wasn’t even sure what had happened. Then she saw Hego moving towards Gill. That’s when she realized that some of the guests had been Team Go. They made quick work of Gill, and had him tied up and out of the way. After that, the services continued without further interruption. Afterwards, Kim made her way towards Team Go.
“Hego, thanks for doing that,” Kim said, unsure of what to say, and knowing she’d feel as stupid as she did no matter what she said.
“Sure thing, Kim,” Hego answered, as cheerful as he always seemed to be when she spoke with him.
“Why are you here anyway?” Kim asked, wondering about it, since she knew that Team Go weren’t really even close to her, let alone Ron.
“Actually, we were asked to come,” Hego answered. “I’m not sure who asked us, because we received a letter asking us to protect his funeral from anything that might happen.” Hego paused for a minute, thinking about something, before continuing, “I’m glad we came though. After all, Team Go is around to help people.”
Kim felt a little better, but still wanted to get away from everyone around her. The rest of the day was uneventful, however Kim still wished that people would stop trying to cheer her up. It was starting to get on her nerves. Finally, Kim had enough of it when her brothers stopped themselves from teasing her again. One thing that she’d just like would to have things go back to being as normal as they could, but Kim wasn’t sure if that’s what she truly wanted.
Kim stalked up to her room and threw herself on her bed. Her frustrations were starting to build, but underneath it all, Kim knew that she was hurting just as much now, as she had been when she found out about Ron. What she really needed was to get out of there. But where should she go? Kim suddenly remembered the envelopes from the mystery sender. Kim was still uneasy about actually going, but this would give her a chance to take care of a few things. One of which would be that she might be able to see who was sending those letters to her. The other, more important, part of it would be that she’d be able to get away from everyone. It was really starting to feel rather difficult to breathe around everyone.
Kim changed into her usual lime green tank crop top and blue jeans. Then she walked downstairs calmly after pocketing one of the envelopes and replacing the false bottom of her drawer. She didn’t rush to the door like she wanted to, because she knew that she would then attract unwanted attention, which was something that she hoped to avoid. However, even though Kim made it to the door unnoticed, as she opened it, she almost ran into her mother. Kim hoped that she’d be able to still get away, but she wasn’t sure if her mother would be as perceptive about what Kim was up to as she usually was. “Going somewhere?” her mother asked.
“I was just going to take a walk,” Kim answered vaguely.
“Okay, just don’t be gone too long.”
“Don’t worry, if you need to reach me, Wade’s usually able to get in contact with me when he needs to,” Kim answered, knowing that he probably wouldn’t be able to, since she was leaving her Kimmunicator here. Heck, she didn’t even know if there was a phone where she was going.
Kim breathed a sigh of relief as she made her way away from her home. That run in with her mother was far too close for comfort. But, at least she was in the clear now. Kim made her way down the street to the corner before she pulled out the envelope. The only part about the Kimmunicator that she would have liked to have would have been the GPS tracking system that Wade could have used to help guide her. However, with Wade having shut his system down, she knew that it wouldn’t be likely that she’d be able to use it, and she didn’t want Wade to know either. She just wanted to be left alone and not bothered. Something that no one seemed to understand.
So, Kim looked at it and began scanning the street signs to help her get there as quickly as she could. One thing that she knew she wasn’t safe from was her friends possibly seeing her on the streets and the less time she spent outside, the less chance there was of one of her friends trying to cheer her up or something. As Kim moved through the streets, she noticed that she was getting into an area that she hadn’t been in before. She felt like she was able to relax a little more, since she was one of the few that had been almost everywhere in Middleton. The only areas that most of her friends hadn’t been in were some of the more remote residential areas that weren’t near any of the commercial areas that they liked to frequent.
Kim finally found the address that she was looking for and walked up to the door. There wasn’t any sign of anyone there, and Kim remembered that she was pretty much invited to walk right in, so Kim opened the door and walked in. She was right there wasn’t anyone there. However, after she sat down on the black couch in the living room and rested her head in her hands, she heard a car pull up.
Kim walked over to the window and saw a car pull into the garage. The windows were heavily tinted, so she wasn’t able to make out anyone inside. However, she had a sinking feeling when she saw that the car was a deep emerald. She could only think of one person that she knew that would like a car that color. Kim heard the door to the garage open and sure enough, she saw Shego walk through. It didn’t take Shego long to see Kim.
“I’m glad that you chose to come, princess,” Shego said quietly.
Kim was shocked. This is who cared about her? “H- how…” Kim couldn’t finish her thought.
“Huh? Something wrong?”
Kim shook her head to clear it. “How is it that you care about me?” Kim finally managed.
Shego laughed, something that caught Kim completely off guard. “I told you, I’m not sure myself,” Shego said. Then continuing in a softer tone, almost to herself, “I haven’t been certain for about a year or so.”
If Kim was caught off guard before, she was completely floored now. “But, you still fought with me when I went to stop Drakken’s schemes,” Kim protested.
“Yeah, and I kinda found it symbolic with me fighting to figure out why I cared so much,” Shego answered, an amused twinkle in her eye.
Kim just stared. Then after a moment she broke the silence. “Then why haven’t you said anything?”
“Well, you were dating Stoppable, and I didn’t want to intrude on that. Besides, if I wasn’t sure why I cared so much myself, how would I be able to convince you to leave him for me?”
Kim’s mind was reeling. She didn’t know what to say, or even how to say it. All the days events caught up with her and she just felt tired. Shego apparently picked up on that and said, “There’s a bed upstairs you can use. Feel free to stay as long as you’d like. There’s plenty of food you can have as well.”
Kim just stood where she was. Trying to let everything sink in, but not being able to fully comprehend what was happening. Shego sighed. “Here, I’ll take you up there. What you do after that will be up to you.”
Kim allowed herself to be escorted upstairs and when Shego took her into what looked like the master bedroom Kim balked at Shego’s offer. “I can’t take your bed,” Kim said, a little uneasy with all that had happened so far.
Shego turned to Kim and smiled. “Don’t worry. I hardly ever sleep here. Besides, I’m not tired right now. You are. Get what rest you need and we can talk about all that’s happened when you wake up. What you need right now is rest.”
Kim smiled gratefully at Shego. For being her biggest enemy, Shego was pretty good at knowing what she needed. “Thanks.”
Shego nodded and left. Kim realized that she didn’t have a change of clothes. However, before she could do much other than that, Shego’s head popped back in the room. “Oh, before I forget, I got you some clothes in case you didn’t have anything to change into. They’re over in the bottom drawer of the dresser.”
As Shego disappeared again, Kim was wondering just how well Shego actually knew her. Even Ron hadn’t been able to read her this well. The only other person who seemed to know her well enough to almost read her mind was her mother. It sort of freaked Kim out. Especially considering how long she had known Shego. Finally Kim shook her head. She should look and see what Shego had gotten her. After all, it never hurt to look. Kim saw that there was a few pairs of jeans, all the same size that she wore herself, a few different shirts that were all like the ones she had at home, some underwear, socks, and some light pink pajamas. Kim was mostly freaked out that everything would fit her perfectly. However Shego had found out about this, Kim told herself, she deserves credit for taking the time to do so. Kim could not only see that Shego DID care about her, but also understand why it’d be so difficult to know why she did.
Kim decided that she’d talk with Shego about that later. Right now she really wanted to get to sleep, so she changed into the pink pajamas and climbed in the queen sized bed. The bed was definitely Shego’s style. Green sheets, dark green covers, green pillows, and black pillow cases. It felt very weird, and if Kim wasn’t so tired, she might have looked for another place to sleep. As it was, moments after her head touched the pillow, she was sleeping soundly, if a little troubled.
When Kim woke up, she heard music. It wasn’t music off of a radio, it was a lone instrument. Kim found the tune kind of sad as well as comforting. It made Kim feel more at peace than she had for the past week. Kim could tell that it was only late afternoon and knew that she had slept for a while. Kim walked downstairs without changing out of the pajamas. Kim just wanted to find the source of that music. What Kim found was another surprise that nearly overwhelmed her. The lone instrument was a trumpet and Shego was the one playing it. Shego’s back was to the door and didn’t show any signs of knowing that Kim was standing there listening to her play. Kim didn’t move, but rather listened to the music. It surrounded Kim and made her feel as secure as she had when Ron had held her in her arms. Strangely enough, the thought of Ron didn’t bring tears to her eyes this time. It only made her feel more at peace.
All too soon, the music stopped playing. “So, how’d you like that?” Shego asked without even turning.
Kim was a little surprised to know that Shego knew that she was there, but didn’t let it show. “I didn’t know you played any instrument.”
Shego looked at the trumpet in her hands and answered, “Yeah, it was the only thing that I wanted to do that my parents didn’t mind me doing.” Kim was surprised at how nostalgic she sounded. It was almost as if Shego was sharing a part of her that she hadn’t shared with anyone before. Kim got the feeling that Shego was entrusting her with a secret that was very dear to her.
“What song was that you were playing?” Kim asked, not wanting to stop learning more about the only enemy that had truly cared for her. Something she was no longer skeptical about.
“Down in the Valley.” Shego paused and Kim waited to see if she had more to say. “It’s the only song that I ever enjoyed like this.”
Kim thought for a moment then asked, “I don’t think I’ve heard it before.”
“Would you like me to sing it for you?” Shego offered.
Kim thought about it then sighed. “Maybe later. I just have a few things to ask you.”
“Why don’t we move down to the kitchen first?” Shego asked. “I don’t know about you, but I’d like something to eat right now.” Kim smiled. That sounded good.
Kim let Shego lead the way and saw that Shego wasn’t wearing her usual black and green suit. She was wearing a light green shirt and black jeans. Kim then realized that Shego had been wearing the exact same outfit when she came in from the garage. Kim let that fact sink in as she followed Shego through her house. When they reached the kitchen, Shego turned to Kim, “Want anything?”
Kim thought about it for a moment, then answered, “How about a sandwich?”
Shego smiled. “Peanut butter and jelly sound okay?” Kim nodded. “What kind of jelly?” Shego asked, moving towards a cupboard and pulling out a jar of peanut butter.
“What kinds do you have?” Kim asked, propping herself up on the counter.
Shego moved towards another cupboard and pulled out a couple of plates. “I have strawberry jam, grape, and some marmalade.” She was now getting a knife and spoon out a drawer.
“I think I’ll take the strawberry jam.”
Shego smiled, and Kim wondered if that was what she had expected her to say. Kim felt her face start to flush with how well Shego knew her. It was almost as if she knew her better than Kim did herself. Kim watched Shego make the sandwiches and when she was done she turned to Kim. “You want me to cut it diagonal or straight?”
Kim wasn’t used to such questions. Her mother hadn’t asked her that since she was little. “I’ll take a straight cut,” Kim answered, deciding to go against what she normally would have chosen.
Shego moved to cut the sandwich, chuckling. Kim felt her face getting hotter. “What’s so funny?” Kim demanded.
“You are,” Shego answered, her voice full of mirth. “You’re trying to change yourself so I won’t seem to know you quite as well.”
Kim lowered her head as she couldn’t think of anything to say. She wasn’t sure if she would have been able to say anything if she even wanted to. Her face was starting to burn with how embarrassed she was feeling right now.
Shego brought Kim her sandwich and held in front of her. Kim took it, grateful that Shego wasn’t making her lift her head. However, Kim’s face reddened even more as she thought about how Shego probably knew that Kim wouldn’t want to look her in the face. Kim started eating the sandwich. Suddenly she realized a question Shego hadn’t asked her in regards to making the sandwich. “Um, Shego?”
“Yeah?”
“Why didn’t you ask me what kind of peanut butter I wanted?”
Shego laughed. “Can’t figure it out, princess?” Kim felt a little puzzled by Shego’s reaction, but started to feel a little better knowing that Shego probably hadn’t expected that question. “I only have creamy. Why should I offer something that I don’t have?”
Kim smiled and looked at Shego. She had a point. “And you only have wheat bread?” Kim asked, looking at the bread. Shego nodded. “So, how long have you had this house?” Kim asked, taking another bite.
Shego sighed. “I think I’ve had this house for about a year and a half.”
Kim thought about this as she continued eating. After swallowing her last bite, Kim thought of another question, “Do your brothers know about this?”
Shego smiled mischievously. “Of course not. They only know about a P.O. box I have.”
“So, when did you learn where I lived?” Shego stared at Kim. “What?”
“Doy, you’re the one that took me there, remember?”
Kim felt a little sheepish about that. “Sorry,” Kim managed in a quiet voice.
“Forget it, it was a while ago.”
Suddenly Kim remembered Team Go being at Ron’s funeral. “You’re the one who asked them to show up at Ron’s funeral,” Kim stated, still a little stunned by the realization of that fact.
Shego’s eyes narrowed and Kim got the feeling that she was walking a very tenuous line. “Who’s ‘them?’”
Kim tried not to let Shego’s response affect her. “Team Go.”
Shego looked away from Kim and sighed. “Yeah. I asked them to make sure that nothing bad happened there.”
Kim stopped eating her sandwich and looked at Shego with wonder in her eyes. “Why did you do that?”
Shego smiled at Kim, which made her feel suddenly embarrassed for some reason. “Because I knew how important it was to you. That and I didn’t want you to have to deal with anything like that.” Shego paused and took a bite of her sandwich. Kim realized that that was the first bite she’d taken. Then after she swallowed, she continued. “And even though I don’t get along with them and know that they’re fiercely irritating, they can be trusted with a simple task like that.”
Kim started to thank Shego, when suddenly she felt the dam she had built up earlier burst. Kim burst into tears suddenly, dropping the plate with the rest of her sandwich on the counter. After a moment, Kim had regained enough of her composure to say something. “S- sorry,” Kim sobbed.
“No,” Shego told Kim firmly. Kim was surprised at the tone Shego had suddenly, when she had been so nice to her before. “No, don’t apologize. You’re hurting. If you want to cry, then cry. Don’t worry about anyone else. You need to let it all out. And if you need to, then you can use my shoulder or you can keep to yourself when you let it out. However, no apologies for it.”
Kim couldn’t say anything for a few minutes as she let the tears flow and sobbed silently. Finally, when she felt the tears subside, Kim looked at Shego. “Thank you.”
“For what?” Shego asked, looking a little confused.
“For helping me out so much,” Kim answered. “For caring when you didn’t have to.”
Kim was still amazed that Shego would smile so kindly at her. Although, the smile lasted only for a moment before Shego tore her gaze away from Kim. “It’s getting late. You should call your parents if you’re going to stay here tonight. I don’t want to see on the news that you’ve been declared missing,” Shego said, walking away quickly with her sandwich, still mostly uneaten.
Kim was glad to see that Shego could still be made uncomfortable, even though she didn’t intentionally do that. It still was reassuring to see that she wasn’t the only one who could be made uncomfortable. After a moment, Kim realized that Shego was right. The very least she could do for her parents was to let them know that she was fine. Kim then picked up the remnants of her sandwich off the plate that she’d dropped on the counter and finished it as she jumped off the counter and started her search for a phone.
Shego looked outside the window in the living room at the sunset. Her mind was replaying the events over in her mind. Would Kim really accept her in her life now that her boyfriend was gone? Shego wanted her to, but also knew that she shouldn’t try to force her way in. That was a sure way of pushing Kimmie away. She took a bite from her sandwich. Although she had told Kim that she had wanted something to eat, she really didn’t care much about eating at the moment. She only said that so Kim wouldn’t feel like Shego was coddling her. After all, for someone who’s as strong and independent as Kim, feeling like she’s being babied would really get her upset.
Shego wondered how long Kim would take to get over Ron. Shego had felt jealous of the blond boy because of how much time he had been able to spend with Kim. However, she understood that if he hadn’t gone on that airplane, Kim would have been the one that died. She couldn’t hold a grudge for him doing that for Kim. Shego wanted to think of Kim as HER Kim, but knew that she’d need to wait a while before even considering taking that train of thought any further, because if she allowed herself to go that way, she’d likely hurt Kim worse than she already was.
What really got to Shego was that there wasn’t anything that she could do directly to help Kim. Yeah, she could give Kim a sort of refuge to take when she wanted to be alone, but she couldn’t do anything to stop Kim from feeling hurt. Shego sighed. Out of all the people I had to fall for, why her? Shego asked herself. Things had been going fine until she started to develop feelings for the redhead. Now she wasn’t sure what she wanted anymore. Shego would have loved to blame Kim for her predicament, but that would be putting blame on someone who had even less control about the whole situation. Something that Shego could not do to the one that she loved so dearly.
Shego finished her sandwich and walked back towards the kitchen. She figured that Kim wouldn’t have any trouble finding the phone. As she walked into the kitchen, she heard Kim on the phone. “Yeah, don’t worry. I’m at a friend’s house.” A pause. Then, “Of course I’ll call in the morning. I’ll be fine. Thanks.”
Shego heard Kim hang up and walked over to her. “Still a little tired?” Shego asked. Kim nodded. “Well then you should get back to bed.” Shego hated to see Kim’s eyes swollen from crying, but again, she had to stop herself from taking Kim into her arms and squeezing the hurt out of her.
“But- but what about you?” Kim asked, uneasily.
Shego smiled. “I’ve slept on a couch before. It won’t be anything new.”
Kim smiled shyly in response. Shego then took Kim’s arm and proceeded to escort her back to her room. “Sweet dreams, princess,” Shego said, kissing Kim on the forehead.
However, as she turned to leave, Kim grabbed her arm. Shego looked at Kim expectantly. “Please… please don’t leave me,” Kim asked in a whisper, almost as if she was afraid to be alone. Which, Shego thought to herself, she might be.
Shego smiled. “I’ll need a minute to get changed, okay, Kimmie?” Shego asked. Kim nodded and walked out of the room, shutting the door behind her. Shego smiled. Although unexpected, it certainly was what she wanted to do all along. Hold Kim closely and hope that the moment would last forever.
Shego walked over to the dresser, pulling her clothes off. She then pulled out her mint green pajamas and put them on. When she was finished, she put her clothes, as well as Kim’s, in her laundry hamper and then walked over to the door and let Kim come back in. Kim then walked with Shego over to the bed and helped her get in. Once Kim was situated, Shego got in next to her, on her left and put an arm around her shoulders. “How about you sing me the song now?” Kim asked quietly. Almost like a child asking a parent for a bedtime story.
Shego smiled as she began to stroke Kim’s hair with her free hand while singing softly:
Down in the Valley
Valley so low
Hang your head over
Hear the wind blow
If you don’t love me
Love whom you please
Throw your arms ‘round me
Give my heart ease
Give my heart ease, love
Give my heart ease
Throw your arms ‘round me
Give my heart ease
Write me a letter
Send it by mail
Tell me you love me, dear, without fail
Write me a letter
Send it by mail
Tell me you love me, dear, without fail
Build me a castle
Forty feet high
So I can see her
As she rides by
As she rides by, love
As she rides by
So I can see her
As she rides by
Roses love sunshine
Violets love dew
Angels in heaven
Know I love you
Know I love you, dear
Know I love you
Angels in heaven
Know I love you
Shego held the last notes for a little longer before she stopped. She looked at Kim and saw that Kim had curled up into a ball at her side and was asleep soundly. Shego wondered when the last time she had gotten a peaceful night’s sleep. Shego shrugged the question off, kissed Kim’s forehead, and let her eyes close. Sleep was peaceful for both of them that night.
Acknowledgements: The song ‘Down in the Valley’ is an old patriotic song that I felt was perfect for here. I used the lyrics as sung by ‘The Mormon Tabernacle Choir’ from their CD God Bless America.