Depending on who you talked to, Rome was either the city blessed by the Gods themselves, or the heart of all the evil imaginable by mortal minds. Whatever it was, they both agreed on one thing: Rome was by far the grandest city the world had ever, and surely would ever know. White stone glistening in the midday sun, people from all over the known world, pale Dacians rubbing shoulders with swarthy Egyptians and dark skinned Nubians trading with people of fair Roman stock, the meticulously kept armour of the Roman guards patrolling the city, the smells of foreign spices and sounds of languages that could not have possibly come from human tongues, all conspired to assail the senses of all those who had reason to doubt the stories.
Shiko wouldn’t admit it, but she was impressed.
“So this is Imperial Rome,” she said nonchalantly, leaning back on one of the iron bars of her wheeled cage. “It’s… okay, I guess. Not bad. What do you think, Kimmie?” she asked her cellmate. “Kimmie? Hello, Terra to Kiminax? Hello?” she said, snapping her fingers in front of the red haired Gaul. “Are you even listening to me?”
“Sorry,” Kiminax apologized. “It’s just that… well, memories.”
“Your village again? Sheesh, get over it already! You’re killing the mood.”
For a moment, Kiminax was struck speechless. Then “Killing the mood?” she whispered softly.
“Yeah, killing the mood,” Shiko smirked. “It’s another way of saying ‘spoiling the fun.’”
With surprising speed, Kiminax jumped, and before Shiko knew it, she was pinned against the cage bars. Startled, the two previously bored-out-their-minds guards outside their cage dropped their spears, while equally startled Roman citizens backed away quickly, fearing an escape.
Not that Kiminax noticed as she placed her hands around Shiko’s throat. “Listen here,” Kiminax said through her teeth, clenched with rage as tears ran down her cheeks, “I don’t know about you, but I saw my village burned to the ground by Romans, and my parents and brothers sold into slavery when we- when we tried to fight back, and now we’re both going to be sold as slaves to the same Romans who did that. Tell me, Shiko, how is this ‘fun’?”
Suddenly, Shiko’s hand seemingly came out of nowhere to push Kiminax down, and in a split second, their positions had been reversed. Still grinning, Shiko moved her own hands from Kiminax’s throat to hold her arms down, and bent down to whisper in Kiminax’s ear. “Well, I’m enjoying myself.”
“That’s enough you two, break it up,” one guard said gruffly, his spear pointed menacingly between one of the cage bars.
“Don’t worry, we’re finished,” Shiko said as she got off Kiminax. “And how did you like the show?” she asked the other guard. Being considerably younger than their other captor, he just blushed while trying to look fierce.
“Are you always like this?” Kiminax asked as she got up, trying to catch her breath.
“Yeah, pretty much. You always like that?”
“Like what?”
”You know, all ‘boo hoo, my life is a mess, moan moan moan,’? Please, Kimmie, spare me. You think you’re the only one who lost family?”
“…Sorry.”
“Yeah, well, just so long as you don’t go thinking you’re some kinda special case, ‘kay?” Shiko said, slightly mollified. “Sheesh, just because you miss your family you think we all gotta share the pain.”
”Don’t you miss your own family?” Kiminax asked, shocked at Shiko’s apparent heartlessness.
“Pfft, who’s there to miss? My parents died a long time before the Romans came, and when they did, they left me with not one, but four stupid half-wit brothers to take care of! To tell the truth, I was this close to cheering the Romans on when they came for us.”
“But didn’t you say you tried to fight back?”
“Well, duh, they were coming to get me too! Of course I fought back! My brothers on the other hand, they ran away and left me to face the Romans alone.” She smiled bitterly, adding, “Looks like they weren’t as stupid as I though they were.”
She shook her head, as if doing so would dislodge the unpleasant memory, before turning to Kiminax. “And you? What’s your story?”
”My story?”
“What, am I speaking Hebrew here? Yeah, your story! Come on, Kimmie,” Shiko said, nudging Kiminax in the ribs gently, “I show you mine, you show me yours, that’s how it goes.”
Kiminax hesitated, but the feeling soon passed. Soon, she knew she would be sold to the highest Roman bidder, and if what she heard was true, Kiminax would be nothing more than a favoured pet at best. The last chance she had to exist as a person would be with the pale Amazon next to her.
That didn’t make it any less painful.
“Well, you’ve heard of a place called Britannia, right?” Kiminax asked.
“Britannia? Yeah, it sounds kinda familiar; there was some rebellion there, right?” Suddenly, her eyes widened. “Wait, don’t tell me you were part of that, were you?”
Kiminax sighed, her eyes far away. “We thought we were fighting for our freedom, at first. By the time we realized it wasn’t, it was too late,” she said.
“What are you talking about, Kimmie?”
Kiminax sighed again. There was no turning back from her memories now, the memories she had tried so hard to suppress. “It all started when the Romans attacked our village…”
(scene change)
…almost a year ago.
The sound of their armoured footsteps echoed through the valley where the village was. Confident in their superiority, the Romans were making no effort to hide their approach. It was a confidence that was well-founded, but despite their terror and inexperience, the village’s defenders stood steadfast, ready to do their best to defend their homes from the advancing soldiers. Even now, some of them were making their defiance heard, shouting and clashing their weapons together.
Funnily enough, something like that was happening in the village behind them too.
“I said you two were too young to fight, and that’s final!” one druid on horseback told his twin sons.
“Aww, but Dad-”
”Shut it, tweebs,” his red-haired daughter said, as she loaded the last pack on her horse.
“Kiminax,” her father chided. “I thought I told not to call you brothers that.”
“Well, they are,” Kiminax insisted.
“Kimmie, apologise.”
Kiminax sighed. “I’m sorry,” she said, drooping her shoulders, adding “tweebs,” under her breath.
“Kiminax…” her father warned, before he felt a hand on his shoulder.
“Don’t be too harsh on her, dear husband,” his wife said, “she’s just under a lot of pressure.”
“We all are,” he answered curtly, before holding his wife to him, his voice growing gentler as he continued, “I just wish we didn’t have to do this.”
“None of us do,” his wife said softly, echoing their own children’s’ thoughts as she returned the embrace. “None of us do.”
(scene change)
“Wait a minute, you were running away? I thought you said you fought back,” Shiko said.
“That was later,” Kiminax replied. “Back then, we were just trying to survive.”
“So your family basically left an entire village to fight the Romans. I admit, you guys got style.”
“It wasn’t like that!”
”Well, unless you have a real good explanation, that’s what I’m seeing.”
“My parents were both Druids,” Kiminax said.
“So what?” Shiko asked, mentally noticing Kiminax’s use of past tense. “What’s that like, some kinda priest, or wizard? Big deal, we had them in Moesia too, like they were any good against the Romans. What makes your druids so special?”
“A Druid’s not just a priest, Shiko,” Kiminax explained, trying to keep her anger in check. “When the village chief wanted to know the future, he asked my parents. When the harvest wasn’t going too well, people asked my parents to help. Whenever someone was in trouble, the Druids were always there for them. People looked up to the Druids, sometimes more than they looked up to their kings and chiefs.”
“Let me guess: the local Roman head goon thought ruling you barbarians would be much easier if all the druids were riding the crucifix,” Shiko said, and Kiminax nodded. “So what happened next?”
“Well-” Kiminax began, before the carts came to a sudden stop, and the cage doors opened.
“All right you lot! Out of the carts! Get out! Get out!” the senior guard shouted, as his guards herded their cargo out at spearpoint. His mouth widened in a humourless, even sinister grin. “Today’s our lucky day, folks. Well, mine, at any rate,” he said ominously, as his guards chained the prisoners’ hands and feet together.
(scene change)
The Greek slave trader peeked out excitedly from behind the curtain, and grinned like an idiot when he saw the size of the crowd. This was his lucky day, thank Zeus! He checked a mirror which he always kept nearby, and rubbed extra animal fat into his hair, giving it what he thought was a sleek, distinguished look, but actually made him look even more like the greasy slimeball that he was- not that his customers cared either way or the other.
He took one more look at the rows of slaves behind him, and when he was sure everything was all right, he gave the order for the curtains to part, and stepped out to meet the crowd.
“My Roman friends with money to spend, lend me your purses!” he announced in a voice as oily as his hair, to general mirth. He’d spent hours practicing that line, and was glad to see it actually work. “I’m Mokta Orelios, and welcome to Honest Orelios’s Incredible Emporium!” he said, to further audience applause. “Have I got some bargains for you today! The largest shipment EVER, of the finest slaves EVER, at the best prices EVER!”
“Why do I get the feeling that he sells used horses in his spare time?” Shiko asked Kiminax, as they stood in the rearmost row, Shiko’s left hand chained to Kiminax’s right.
“And after you’re done here, why not check out my fine line of used horses?” Mokta asked.
“Doy,” Shiko said, rolling her eyes, while Kiminax just smiled at her new friend’s discomfort.
After his plea to increase his used chariot sales, the Greek began the slave auction in earnest, two guards taking turns to escort slaves one by one to the front of the stage. The slave trader began talking about each slave as if they were nothing more than livestock to him, and Kiminax realized with disgust that this was probably the case. The crowd was no better, jeering and heckling-
“What is it?” Kiminax hissed after Shiko elbowed her in the ribs a third time. A patrolling guard gave them a bored look, mostly out of curiosity, before continuing on.
Trying her best to look inconspicuous, Shiko edged herself a few inches closer to Kiminax, and whispered, “Finally, I got your attention- what was I supposed to do, step on your foot?”
“Shiko!”
“Fine, fine. Look, Kimmie, I think I know how to get us both out.”
At first, Kiminax thought Shiko was joking, but when she saw the gleam in the Moesian’s eyes…
Of course, what they were supposed to do after they escaped the slaver, where would they go, and other such reservations surfaced. But they were questions for another day- for now, they had only enough time to concern themselves with the slaver.
“Okay, so what do we do?” Kiminax smiled, unconsciously imitating the devil-may-care grin on Shiko’s face.
For the first time since she was captured, Kiminax felt hope.
(scene change)
A big, goofy smile crept (or more accurately, slithered) across Mokta Orelios’s face. This had been one of the best days of his life. Whatever he was paying his agents across the Empire, it obviously wasn’t enough, considering the profit he was making toady from decidedly high-quality slaves.
Not that he’d even think of paying them extra, of course.
In fact, he thought, as his guards brought out the final two slaves, he might even consider cutting their wages- after all, forcing someone to sell such fine specimens of womanhood must be some sort of crime, right?
“As you can see, my most valued customers, I have saved the best for last,” he announced in a tone what could best be described as a very fine whine, accompanied by a little cheese. There were just a few people left in the auction area, and they were to a man among the richest citizens of Rome. Also the dumbest, considering how many of them were frequent buyers of his used steeds.
Mokta mentally rubbed his hands in glee; these two would fetch him five- wait, considering the average intelligence of the remaining buyers, maybe even six thousand sesterces for the two of them! ‘Most valued customers’ indeedy!
As he continued his spiel, Shiko’s eyes darted around, making sure the place was sparsely occupied. She’d never admit it, but one of the unspoken factors in the hurriedly thought up plan she and Kiminax had made was that they would only escape once there were as few people as possible who could be hurt.
That kind of feeling would have been bearable if not for Kiminax giving her that knowing look while they planned.
She whispered, “You ready, Kimmie?”
“Ready when you are,” Kiminax confirmed.
“Good. On the count of three-”
“Mokta Orelios!” someone shouted.
“Great, what now?” she asked, as a group of Roman prefects entered, led by the shouter, one-
“Oh, it’s you, my dear Dracus Maximus!” Mokta said, sweat running down his brow. “Whatever brings you here, Your Excellency?”
“You know full well what brings me here, Greek! Remember that horse you sold me?”
“Horse? Heheh, um, what horse?” Mokta asked, a look of terrified innocence on his face as prefects quickly moved to occupy the auction lot. What few customers there had been had quickly retreated, and his guards were all trying their best to run like Hades while not being noticed.
“This horse,” Dracus said, gesturing to what was behind him in a cart.
“Oh, that horse. Um, what’s wrong with him?”
“He’s dead,” Dracus said flatly.
‘No he’s not! He’s um… resting! Yeah, that’s it! He’s resting!” Mokta said in a voice of utter conviction.
“Look, my Athenian friend, I know a dead horse when I see one, and this horse is definitely dead.”
Shiko wanted to run, but the presence of so many armed guards made running away an impossibility now.
Besides, something deep inside her soul told her that she was in the middle of something great and special, something immortal. By the look on Kiminax’s face, she was feeling it too.
“No, no, no!” Mokta insisted. “He’s not dead, he’s just resting!”
“Resting? Resting you say? Well, let’s see! Hello, Mr. Horse, hello!” Dracus shouted at the horse. “I’ve got some fresh hay for you! Wakey-WAKEY!” he shouted, kicking the cart.
“There, he moved!” Mokta shouted.
“No he didn’t!”
“Yes he did! He did just now!”
“He didn’t! That was just me pushing the cart!”
”No it wasn’t! He’s not dead! He feels fine! He feels happy! He’s not dead!
“Oh yeah? Men, turn the cart over!”
An obviously stuffed horse tumbled out from the overturned cart. “See, I told you- he’s dead!” Dracus said triumphantly.
“No he’s not! He’s, he’s just stunned, that’s all! He got stunned tumblin’ out of the cart!”
“Look here, you! Yesterday, when you delivered this horse, you told me the reason he was so still was because he was tired after an extended neigh!”
“Well, he's…he's, ah…probably pining for the fjords, Your Excellency.”
“…PINING FOR THE FJORDS! What kind of excuse is that- wait a minute, what’s a fjord?” Dracus asked, bewildered.
“Dunno, it just seemed like the right thing to say,” Mokta said, shrugging.
Dracus shook his head, trying to clear it of the déjà vu that had suddenly came upon him. “Look, you, this horse you sold me? He’s dead!”
“But-”
“He’s not pining for anything! He’s passed on! He’s no more! He’s ceased to be! He’s expired! He’s gone to meet Hades! He’s a stiff! Bereft of life, he rests in peace! He’s pushing up roses! His life is at an end! He’s kicked the chamber pot! He’s biting the dust! He’s shuffled off his mortal coil and joined the choir invisibile! Dicu, dicu, equus mortum! In short, this is an ex-horse!”
He walked up to the slaver, his blade drawn. “You think you’re all that, Mokta? Well, you’re not,” he said menacingly, as he waved it menacingly in front of the (now trembling) Greek.
“I think she’s all that,” one prefect sniggered, from behind Shiko, where he had been looking at her… well, behind.
“Don’t even start,” someone threatened. Kiminax was surprised to find it was her.
“What’s the matter, little girl?” he asked lecherously, his hands moving towards her rear, when-
“Gee, you really like doing that, don’t you?” Shiko asked, as the prefect crumpled to the ground, whimpering as his eyes crossed and his face scrunched up with that special look of agony only a man can have. “Slight problem though, Princess.”
“Oh yeah? What?” Kiminax asked, the look of righteous indignation on her face.
Shiko calmly gestured ahead of her, where all the other prefects, Dracus, and Mokta were staring at them, eyes wide open in disbelief.
“Oh. Sorry,” Kiminax said quietly.
Oddly enough, Shiko didn’t seem to mind. “Don’t be,” she said, a note of humour (and my be a little respect) creeping into her voice. “Just remember, you started it.”
“Started what-”
“JUMP!”
And with that, all the underworld broke loose.
As they jumped down from the podium, the first prefect to reach them thrust his shortsword forward, a plan that backfired disastrously as the two escapees nimbly dodged his blow, seized his outstretched arm, and pulled him forward to run into their fists.
“That’s gotta hurt,” Shiko said to nobody in particular, when movement out of the corner of her eye-
She suddenly found herself in Kiminax’s arms as a blade sliced into the air behind her, followed by the sound of it dropping as he would-be saviour gave the prefect a well-aimed kick in the arm. “Thanks, Kimmie,” she said, as Kiminax drew her foot back.
“Don’t mention it,” Kiminax replied, hoping it didn’t show-
“Aww, you’re blushing, Kimmie.”
Darn, it did.
Returning to the fray, the two ladies found that despite their apparent handicap, they proved surprisingly effective against the soldiers attacking them. In the relatively confined space of the slave auctioneer’s courtyard, the Romans, already hampered by their heavy armour, found themselves being steadily beaten back. On the podium, the slaver’s guards were making bets on who would win, and their money was on their former captives.
A guttural roar drew their attention, and they both jumped backwards as a hulking brute of a prefect brought his blade to bear in a gigantic horizontal slash, narrowly missing them by inches. Treating his sword like a cleaver, the prefect forced the two ladies into a corner, slash by massive slash, encouraged by the cheering guards behind him.
“Yu got no where to run,” he sneered, and lunged forward-
“That’s convenient,” Kiminax said, seeing the sword embedded in the wall. Looking across at Shiko, she saw that her friend had the same triumphant grin on her face. “Ready?”
“Oh yeah.”
They brought their arms downwards, and the chain linking them both together broke on the iron blade between them, then turned to the guard, whose body anguage could be compressed into ‘oh dear’.
“Is I in trubbul now?” the big guard asked.
Kiminax and Shiko both nodded.
“Okay,” he said quietly
In perfect unison, the two girls leapt up into the air and placed two perfectly placed kicks in his face.
“Mater,” the guards behind him whimpered, as a very large shadow fell over them, growing darker, and darker, until-
THUMP.
Picking up swords from the fallen prefects, Kiminax and Shiko made to run- “Where do you think you’re going?”
“What does it look like, blue boy?” Shiko sneered.
“See?” Dracus whined at Mokta. “Someone else’s calling me blue, and it’s all your fault!”
“It’s not my fault! My brother always swore by that medicine,” Mokta said.
“Swore by, or at?” Shiko asked, despite herself.
“…at.”
“Thought so,” she sneered. “Hey, Kimmie,” she yelled to the redheaded Gaul standing at the entrance to the courtyard. “Kimmie, let’s- Kimmie?” she asked, when she saw Kiminax remain still.
Then, she saw them.
“Any sudden moves, and you’re Hun cheese!” Dracus cackled, as the two girls backed away from the bowmen. “You didn’t think I came here alone, did you? See! I’m smart! L-U-N-A, that spells smart!”
“Yes indeed, Your Excellency, very smart indeed; in fact, one might go so far as to say intelligent,” Mokta said, sweat dripping down his brow.
“What are you doing?” Shiko hissed.
“Don’t speak to me that way!” he said, terror lending him authority. “Your Excellency, your men may them up! Hands and l-legs!”
“We just saved your life!” Kiminax shouted, as some of the remaining prefects (those who could still stand upright, anyway) fixed the chains originally intended for Mokta onto her and Shiko.
“Shut up! So how about it, my lord?”
“How about what?” Dracus asked.
“Surely a giant of intellect such as yourself must realize that, these two ladies, endowed with such great fighting skills among other things heheh would be perfect for your gladiatorial school!”
”You do have a point…”
“And that’s why I’m willing to offer you these two fine ladies for the low, low price of my life and a 25 discount!”
“That sounds- wait, a 25 discount? Why can’t I kill you right here and now and take them anyway?”
”Because there are none in Rome as fair, or as intelligent as you, Your Excellency?” Mokta said obsequiously.
Dracus appeared to consider this a while, then said, “90, and that’s my final offer,” the sword in his hand emphasizing the ‘final’.
“Y-yes, of course! These two fine young ladies sold to you, Lord Maximus, for fiv- 50,000 sesterces!”
“Thank you FIFTY THOUSAND SESTERCES!”
“Why yes, Your Excellency, after all, surely a patron of the gladiatorial arts as illustrious as yourself can surely see that these ladies are worth ten times as much! Besides, that fifty thousand sesterces cover the costs for both ladies! Think of how much you have saved, and how much they would fetch in the arena! Your bargaining skills truly are to be feared amongst all those who deal in coin!” he said, his words regaining their oily slickness.
“I can’t believe this,” Kiminax said, her arms and legs in chains.
“I can,” Shiko whispered to herself. If Kiminax heard her, she didn’t show it.
“So how about it, eh?” Mokta asked.
When he saw the smile on Dracus’s face, he knew that once again, he had himself a satisfied customer. Not too smart, but he wouldn't be in business if they were.